Stuck in the Middle
by LyssLovesTiva33
Summary: Mer and Der have 7 kids. What happens when one of them is in the middle? Her name is Alyssa Danielle Shepherd. When she is tired of being left out & forgotten she rebels. Soon the only thing that can save the family is an illness that can destroy it too.
1. Chapter 1: Pregnancy

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**This is my new story, stuck in the middle :)  
**

**My story is about their family mostly on their middle daughter, well she will be a middle daughter when her other siblings are born. Meredith and Derek already have 3 year old daughter Sophia Cristina Shepherd, and 1 year old twins Hayley Logan Shepherd and Paige Addison Shepherd. Trust me that is only the beginning but what happens when there a child that is completely in the middle and her parents are world class surgeons.**

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**"So how is life with McDreamy and the perfect little life with the squirt and the look-a likes," Christina teased as they got changed in the locker room.  
**

**"For one, Hayley and Paige are fraternal so other then Derek's dark hair, they look nothing alike. And two, you have a perfect little life with Owen," Mere countered.**

**"He does not care about his hair like your husband," Christina said. "And we don't have kids."  
**

**"Derek does love his hair," Izzie said.**

**"Barbie, be quiet, you are screwing Karev," Christina said.**

**"Not screwing him, married. See the ring on my finger." She showed the shining rock on her finger that she got two years earlier, the same time she was pregnant with their daughter Dylan Katherine Karev. "Plus, we have Dylan," Izzie said.**

**"Yeah, yeah." Izzie rolled her eyes at Christina**

**"So Mere," Izzie started but when she turned around she was no where to be seen. It took a few seconds for the puking to be heard in the bathroom near the lounge. Izzie smiled at Christina who went to get a blood kit. Izzie walked in.**

**"So Mere, when was you're last period?" she asked her friend when she stopped. Mere opened her mouth to speak but closed it.**

**"Shit!" she exclaimed. "I can't remember."**

**"Then come out here. You are really lucky that I went into OB/GYN," Izzie said.**

**"Yeah, but if Addison...."**

**"Shut up," Christina said. "Stick out you're arm." Mere rolled her eyes and did as she was told.**

**Izzie stuck the needle into her friends arm and laughed as she winced.**

**"A doctor afraid of needle," Christina scoffed.**

**"Shut up," Mere said as Izzie left the room to bring them down to lab.**

**"So," Christina said. "I hope we finally get a little McDreamy, I even feel bad for him. He has four sisters and now three daughters."**

**"We don't even know if I am pregnant yet," Mere countered. They sat down and talked. About life, how far they have come, and when Izzie paged them she was coming Mere started getting anxious.**

**"Christina I don't know if I am ready for a third child. The twins are only 1, Sophia is only 3, what if I am pregnant."**

**"You will love him as you do them, you and McDreamy will be fine," Christina said as Izzie opened the door to the lounge. Mere walked over to her calmly and ripped they envelope from her hand and opened it quickly. Her eyes widened.**

**"I already have three, now a fourth."**

**"Congratulations Mere" Izzie said hugging her. Meredith looked at Cristina for a second, but shook her head.**

**"I am gonna get the girls from day-care, see ya around, oh and if you see Derek tell him to call me." she said with a smile walking out of the bathroom.**

**Walking into the day-care she spots her daughter at the same time she spotted her. "MOMMY!" Sophia squeals barreling into her legs.**

**"Hey Phi, how was your day." Mer says to her daughter picking her up and tickling her.**

**"Good! Are we going home now?"**

**"Yeah sweetie lets get your sisters."**

**"Okay" she says as Mer puts her down and they walk over to the twins. She puts the girls in the stroller and begins to walk out of the hospital until stopped by Derek.**

**"Mere Iz said you needed to speak to me, what about?" he asks.**

**"Derek I am ... I'm pregnant." she says with a smile.**

**"Really?" he questioned, his eyes wide.**

**"Really Der," Meredith said, rolling her eyes. Derek gathered her in a hug and kissed her head repeatedly.**

**"Let's just hope it's a boy this time," he murmured. Mer pushed him away playfully.**

**"Not on your life Dr. Shepherd, I..." she began and was interrupted by Sophia.**

**"Daddy!" she squeals, let's go of her mothers hand, and throws herself into her father's arms.**

**"Hey Phia," Derek chuckled kissing her cheek.**

**"Dadadada," Hayley and Paige babbled, reaching for him. He bent down beside the stroller.**

**"Don't worry, daddy didn't forget his babies either," Derek said, kissing them both as well.**

**"Daddy, you comin' home with us?" Sophia asked.**

**"No sweetheart, daddy has another surgery, be I will be home later, okay?" Derek told her.  
**

**"Okay Daddy Love you!!" she answers. "Go fix somebody's brains."  
**

**"Love you too sweetie," he says kissing her forehead and turns to the twins and does the same thing. "See you at home Mere." he turns to kiss her but she grabs him by the arm.  
**

**"You don't think getting me pregnant again will get you off easy that easy do you?" she whispers seductively in his ear.**

**"I was hoping."**

**"Good Bye Dr. Shepherd." and she walks out of the hospital into the car and home to spend some time with the girls.**

**A few hours later all the girls are asleep and Mer picked up the phone and called Derek's mother, Elizabeth.**

**"Hello" Elizabeth said.**

**"Hey Mom it's me Mere."**

**"Hey Mere how are you sweetie how are the girls, I miss them, and I miss you."**

**"We are all good, great actually, I am pregnant again."**

**"Congratulations honey." she says, "Guess you've got a lot of calls to make so I better let you get to it."**

**"Okay thanks hope to see you soon."**

**"Yeah don't be a stranger."**

**"Don't worry, how could we keep you away from your newest grandchild." **

**"Grandson," Elizabeth said. Mere frowned.**

**"Why does everyone want this baby to be a boy."**

**"Because, Derek is already outnumber 4 to 1.... and you and the girls have him wrapped around your fingers. Plus we need someone..."**

**"To carry on the Shepherd name, I've heard it all before Mom," Mere rolled her eyes.**

**"Meredith Elizabeth Shepherd," Elizabeth scolded. "You may not be my real daughter but you are like a daughter to me and I will not be spoken to in that way."**

**"Sorry," Mere giggled.**

**"Go call everyone... I hope to see you soon."**

**"Okay bye!"**

**"Bye!"**

**Mere did the same with Derek's sisters Nancy, Kathleen, Lyndsey, and Emma each extremely excited. Finally the last person she called on the phone was Addison.**

**"Hello." she said.**

**"Hey Addison It's..."**

**"Meredith how have you been I haven't seen you in forever, I can never stop thanking you for naming little Paige after me."**

**"It was the least I could do, you helped deliver her, but anyway I have been good, well actually wonderful, I am pregnant again."**

**"Congrats Mere."**

**"Did you call..."**

**"Yes I called the Shepherds already and as you could probably guess they are ecstatic."**

**"Of course" Addy said laughing. The two women talked a little more until a cry interrupted them.**

**"Sorry Addison I gotta go Paige is up and it sounds as if she's hungry."**

**"Well I will let you get to it."**

**"Bye"**

**"Bye"**

**And then Mere went upstairs to find a crying Paige and a newly awaken Hayley. "Hey guys" she said to them picking up Paige soothing her. "Come on," she said and picked up Hayley too. Leaving the twins room she find Sophia in the hallway also awakened by Paige's cries. "Hey Phia Paige wake you up?**

**"Yeah but its okay Mommy." she answered sleepily rubbing her eyes.**

**"Okay lets go downstairs, you hungry?"**

**"I want to wait for Daddy."**

**"Sweetie, Daddy's not getting home until 8:00." she told her daughter feeding Paige while Hayley sat in her swing.**

**"Oh, Okay, then I am hungry."**

**"What do you want?"**

**"Pizza!"**

**"Pizza it is," Mere said picking up the phone. Mere had let Derek teach her the little things like mac and cheese or chicken nuggets but the one thing she was still best at was ordering take-out or pizza.**

**They ate their pizza and got the twins ready for bed and then it was Phia's turn. Derek got home right as Meredith was putting Sophia to bed. He walked upstairs and he heard Sophia scream, "Daddy!"**

**"Hey sweetie were you good for your mommy."**

**"She was a little angel." Mere answered for her.**

**"Well it is time for this little angel to go to bed." Derek said.**

**"Okay." Phia said grudgingly.**

**"Night sweetheart!" they both said and kissed her on her forehead.**

**Mere left the room and went to the bedroom while Derek looked in on the twins. He came into the bedroom to Meredith feigning to be asleep. Derek got ready for bed and laid down next to Mere and kissed her on the cheek.**

**"Hey, you shouldn't wake a pregnant woman."**

**"Well my wife shouldn't be pretending to sleep."**

**"I was kidding about the whole your gonna pay thing."**

**"I knew that Mere."**

**"I have a scan on Wednesday with Izzie, I thought I'd let you know since it is Monday."**

**"Goodnight Mere."**

**"Night Derek."**

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**On Wednesday the couple took off for her first scan leaving Sophia, Hayley, and Paige with Lexi, who was off today. Mere and Derek felt like they were waiting for hours till Izzie appeared at the doorway.**

**"Sorry, Alex was..."**

**"That explains it," Mere said jokingly.**

**"Shut up and get on the table Mere." she said laughing.**

**"You're a little pushy Iz. I am pregnant here."**

**"Okay whatever, now this will be a little cold." Izzie said putting the gel on Mere's stomach. She waved the wand around her stomach.**

**"Now, here you go there's the baby." she said turning the screen toward Meredith and Derek.**

**"Hey baby, Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you." Mere said to the screen.**

**"Okay so you will stop talking to the screen I will print out a picture" said handing it to them a second later.**

**"Okay now get out of here, get to your babies." Iz said to the couple who were kissing at the sight of their next child. "And for Derek's sake let's hope this one is a boy."**

**"Bye Iz see you tomorrow." Mere said hopping off the table. "And it won't be...."**

**"Thanks Izzie." Derek said still looking at the scan.**

**"Don't mention it." she answered and left the room before the couple.**

**Mere and Derek managed to avoid their friends who would have wanted to see the scan, except Mark.**

**"Shepherd's you think you can get out of here without showing me the scan." he called down the hall. Meredith giggled.**

**"Sorry Mark, here you go." Derek said handing him the photo.**

**"Aw he's cute." Mark said.**

**"Why does everyone assume it's a he, am I the only who wants another girl."**

**"Looks like it Grey."**

**"Shepherd Mark, it's been Shepherd for 3 years now."**

**"Whatever, I am just saying you have Phia, Hayl, and Paige, it's time for a boy."**

**"I know it's a girl ....maternal instincts." she said putting her hand to her stomach.**

**"See you around then Mere" he said handing back the picture to Derek who watched the fight silently. He wanted a boy and everyone knew it.**

**"Bye Mark" they said and went to pick up the girls from Lexi's.**

**"I hope they weren't any trouble Lex." Mere said picking up Hayley while Derek picked up Paige.**

**"They were little angels, I love them."**

**"Thank you again." Mere said.**

**"No problem."**

**"Well we gotta go Lex, bye" Derek said.**

**"Bye!" she said kissing the girls in turn.**

**"Hey Mommy?" Phia said tugging on her pants while walking to the car.**

**"Yes sweetie." she said strapping Hayley into the car seat.**

**"Are you having another baby?" she asked.**

**"Why do you ask?" Mere said strapping her in looking over at Derek.**

**"I heard you talking and I wanted to know."**

**"Then yes I am."**

**"Okay."**

**Mere and Derek get into the front seat and begin driving when Phia says, "I want you to have another girl Mommy."**

**"See." Mere says smirking, "I am not the only one.**

**"Shut up Mere!" Derek responds and they begin laughing, the picture of a perfect family.**

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******I had to do this to show little of the history of the family before she come into the picture, I will update soon if you want.**

******PLEASE R&R!!**


	2. Chapter 2: Alyssa Danielle Shepherd

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Okay just to clarify Sophia and Hayley are like girl versions of Derek with long curly brown hair and blue eyes. Paige has Mere's straight hair and green eyes but Derek's brown hair.

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Here it is.

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Meredith and Derek had refused to know the gender of their baby. Although it had not worked out for Sophia, Hayley, and Paige, somehow, so far, it was successful. Even though they did not know the gender Derek has been insisting to repaint the nursery blue. The only color he got it repainted was a neutral yellow and green. Not only that, but one day when they were relaxing at home, they looked through a baby name book.

"Look Derek," Mere said pointing to the book. "Isn't Alyssa such a pretty name."

"My son is not going to be named Alyssa," Derek scoffed.

"Our daughter could be. Her nickname could be Lyss," Meredith gushed.

"I still love Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr."

"Your ego is big enough, if we do have a son, it is not going to be your name."

"What about Jacob, or Lucas," Derek suggested while Mere rolled her eyes.

"Caroline is so cute too, or Madison, or Morgan," Mere said while Derek rolled his eyes.

"Mommy, Daddy," they heard Sophia call.

"We are in here Phia," mere said as their daughter came bouncing into the living room. She went over and sat on Derek's lap and hugged him tightly.

"What are you doing," she asked tilting her head.

"Picking out a name for your new brother or sister," Derek told her.

"Sister," Phia insisted.

"Okay, what do you think?" Mere asked.

"Ariel," she said happily.

"Like the Little Mermaid," Mere asked tickling her.

"Yes.... Mommy stop it, help me Daddy," Sophia squealed. Derek started tickling Mere as Hayley and Paige started giggling from their playpen.

"So baby," Derek starts talking to Mere's stomach. "I bet you can't wait to get out here and join the fun, can't you." Mere slaps him playfully before getting up to pick up Paige.

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7 months later...

Mer is home alone, Derek has been taking the girls into day care with him so Mer could have some alone time being almost 7 and a half months pregnant. Last week she was forced to take a maternity leave because of Braxton Hicks and some cramping. That morning the Braxton Hicks have been constant so she spent a lot of time in the nursery in hopes to calm the baby down. The only thing that seemed to calm her down though was the sound of Derek's voice and Mere could tell her baby was already Daddy's little girl, or definitely a mini version of Derek.

Meredith ran her fingers over the wood of the crib that sat in the middle of the room. It was new, Sophia and the twins combined had ruined the first one. The walls were painted a neutral yellow and green because there were still no indication of gender. The baby was kicking too much so Meredith rubbed her belly gently and walked downstairs to get some food.

She slowly went into the kitchen when she bent down with a gasp of pain. She realized that the 'practice' contractions were getting closer. The floor around her feet became increasingly wet and she dropped the glass she was holding. She stumbled towards the phone and dialed Derek's cell phone number.

"Der.. Derek.. Derek Shepherd here the hell are you!" she screams in agony to the phone when she gets his voice mail. Panic filled her voice, it was too early, the baby was only 30 weeks old.

"Come on baby, Daddy and I love you but it's not time to meet you yet. Come on not yet." she screams as another contraction hit her.

Dialing Derek's number again, getting the voice mail she angrily calls Alex and Izzie who do not answer either.

She bends over in pain again while calling Christina who answers.

"Hello Mer, what's wrong," she asks she hears Mere cry out in pain.

"Baby coming, no one answering, no one home, gotta get to.. hospital," she gasps her breath coming in ragged. Mere heard Cristina gasp as well.

"Don't worry Mere I will be right there."

"Hurry"

"Just hold on Mere." she says as Meredith hangs up. Making her way up the stairs she quickly packs some clothes and necessities even including one of the girls newborn onesies just in case. Making her way down the stairs with the duffel bag Christina bursts though the door and helps Mere to the car.

"Breathe Mere, Breathe, the hospital is five minutes away." Christina says as scared as her friend. "Just hold on."

Mere didn't respond she was too busy calling Derek who was still not answering. Immediately Christina starts the car, turns the corner, and gets on the highway towards Seattle Grace. It was then she heard sirens in the background.

"Damnit!" Christina mutters as she pulls over. Mere cries out in pain, Christina looks over, then at the police officer who just approached the car.

"Ma'am do you realize you were going 30 miles over the speed limit." he tells her glacing at Mere who was still on the phone.

"Yes officer, put my friend is in pre-term labor, I have to get her to the hospital." Christina answers. His eyes widened.

"Okay, then off you go. Drive Safely!"

"Thanks!" she said speeding off arriving at the hospital 3 minutes later.

"Come on Meredith." Christina said grabbing her bags, helping her out of the car, and getting a wheel chair rushing off to the maternity floor.

"Derek where are you!" Mere screamed.

"Nurse page Shepherd, and Stevens now!"

She got Mere into a room with Izzie arriving moments later.

"Thank god" Mere breathed. "Christina get Derek please."

"Sure Mere."

"So Mere how far are the contractions?" Izzie asked as she tells Mere to put her feet up.

"3 minutes apart!" she said through clenched teeth as another one hit her. "I thought they were Braxton Hicks up until the point my water broke!"

"It's too late for an epidural," Izzie informed her.

"What!" Mere screams.

"I'm sorry Mere, I know this is your first natural birth." Sophia, and the twins were born via c-section. Izzie was examining her.

"Iz... will the baby be okay?"

"I hope so, I don't know but.... Mere, you are going to have to start pushing," she informed her.

"Not without Derek." Mere responded.

"But Mere..."

"No, Derek or no baby."

"Fine," Iz sighed, not wanting to have to put Mere through a c-section, especially not one without Derek. She turned to the nurse in the room. "Page Shepherd again please before the baby goes into distress."

Meanwhile Christina bursts into OR 3 where Shepherd is performing a craniotomy.

"What are you doing?" Christina yelled.

"Yang what are you doing..."

"You're wife is in pre-term labor and wants you."

"My God, you get another doctor to finish up," pointing to an intern and running out of the room stripping out of his surgical gown.

"She's in room 345 Shep..." her voice was lost as the elevator doors closed. He ran toward his room where Mere was now hyperventilating and laying on the pillow exhausted.

"Derek Shepherd WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!" she yelled.

"I'm here now lets meet our baby. It's a little earlier then we expected, I guess she wants to see her amazing father."

"You said she," Mere breathed.

"Or he," Derek smiled cockily. Mere frowned and smacked him.

"Okay now Mere next contraction you have to push..." Izzie informed her. "NOW."

Meredith bent over, Derek grabbed her hand and she pushed down hard. The nurse started the countdown but Mere stopped after 4.

"Derek, I can't so this," she cried.

"It's okay," he kissed her forehead. "You can do it, for the baby and the girls."

"Mere that didn't do anything, you have to push harder before the baby goes into distress," Izzie said. Mere nodded weakly.

"I know you can do it."

"The hell you do," Mere snapped but Derek just pushed her sweaty hair back.

"Okay now Mere, try again, PUSH!" Mere grasped Derek's hand and let out a scream of anguish.

"Your doing great Meredith," Derek sighed.

"Stop, good I can see the head" Izzie told an exhausted Mere. "Okay now... PUSH"

Mere as she was told but Izzie told her to stop early.

"Wait," she said. "The umbilical cord is wrapped around the neck."

"WHAT!?" Mere exclaimed.

"It's okay..." Izzie reassured as she undid it. "Okay, it's good, now push." Mere obeyed and this time brought the baby out to the shoulder. A few more pushes and the baby was out completely. It was pitifully small but let out a loud scream. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great Job Mere!" Izzie said. "Daddy do you want to cut the cord." Derek reached forward eagerly.

"Yeah," he breathed.

"It's a girl," Izzie announced wrapping the tiny pink baby in a blanket. She handed her to Mere who was resting on the pillow exhausted.

"A girl" she whispered.

"A girl" Derek whispered back. "She has blond hair, like you Mere." Meredith smiled through the tears that were running down her cheeks. The little girl was wailing as loudly as her little lungs would allow.

"Mere, I am sorry, but she is a premie, she need to be taken to the NICU," Izzie said trying to stay calm. Mere nodded and handed her over.

"Do you know what you are going to name her?" Izzie asked.

"We'll discuss it later. Mere's asleep already," Derek informed her.

"Okay see you later." She rushed out of the room.

He sat quietly stroking Mere's face softly she had done so well but their daughter was so small. About three hours later, Mere wakes up to Derek staring at her.

"Hey Mere."

"Where's my baby."

"Iz is bringing her up now they got her stabilized. She is a fighter, her lungs are fine despite weighing 3 and a half pounds."

"Really?" Mere says stunned as Izzie walks in carrying the baby.

"Here Mere" she says putting the little girl in her arms, "She is so cute and a little sweetheart."

"Hey baby girl, by the way Iz can you check up on my girls." she asks Iz as she leaves, not looking up from the baby in her arms.

"Sure Mere." she says and leaves.

"What are we gonna name her Derek." Mere couldn't take her eyes off the little girl in her arms. She was so small, but perfect.

"I don't know what about Danielle."

"Does she look like a Danielle to you Derek."

"Krystal?"

"No."

"Candace."

"No."

"Matilda."

"Derek.... seriously!"

"Fine, no to Matilda.... then what do you want to name her." Mere stared at her for a little longer and when her eyes opened slightly and revealed grayish eyes. Remebering back to her baby photos, she remembered she had a gray eyes. That means her daughter's would turn green as well, just like Paige's.

"Alyssa." Derek smiled.

"Alyssa Danielle maybe?"

"You just can't let Danielle go"

"Mmm hmm," Derek responded laughing.

"Fine" looking at her daughter who was opening her eyes fully. "Hello Alyssa Danielle Shepherd I am your Mommy."

"Let me have our daughter Mere" he said reaching out for Alyssa.

"Fine" she said placing her in his arms.

Just then she realized that Lexi, Alex, Christina, Mark, Bailey, Chief, George, Callie, and Izzie.

"Hello guys." Mere said amused.

"Hey just wanted to see the newest Shepherd." the Chief answered for everyone.

"Fine." she said as Derek handed her daughter back to her, "Meet Alyssa Danielle Shepherd."

"Great name Mere" Lexi said cooing at Alyssa when Mere thrust her into her arms.

"Hey let me see." George said and Lexi placed her into his arms.

"So who's the godfather and godmother?" Richard asked. They couldn't help but see that Mark looked as if he knew they wouldn't pick him. Mere looked at Derek and he nodded.

"You know I am waiting for a boy for you, anyway me and Derek decided it will be Addison, and...... Mark."

"Wow Mere, wonderful pairing." Christina laughed taking Alyssa from George.

Mark stared surprised at Mere and Derek, they had chose him.

Just then he realized Christina was motioning for him to take Alyssa. He looked down at her and noticed she looked exactly like Mere. She had recently been asleep but she opened her eyes and gurgled as she smiled. Mark smiled back.

"Mere, she's like a little version of you."

"So I am bald"

"I mean the blonde hair, the eyes, and everything."

"I know."

"Did you tell Addie yet." Mark asked as everyone turned to look at her.

"No we were about to as you guys came in... We only just got her back, I seem to remember she was due March 4th, it's kind of only January 21st."

"Well do it now." Izzie said.

"Sure" she said as she noticed her daughter was now in the hands of Bailey.

"She's cute Grey." Bailey said and she dialed Addie's number.

"I know."

"Hello." a surprised voice came from the other line as Mere put it on speaker. Derek was off calling his family telling them the good news.

"Hey Addie."

"Hey Mere"

"Say Hi to everyone"

"Hi Everyone, who is there?" she asked as Alyssa was now in the hands of Callie.

"Everyone."

"Why?"

"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd was born at 10:06 this morning."

"Congrats Mere, pre-term?"

"Yeah but she's fine just a little underweight."

"The lungs?"

"Perfect."

"She's a little miracle then."

"Yeah and you're her godmother."

"Really Mere thanks, who's the godfather?"

"Uh... Mark"

"Nice pairing"

"Thats what I said" Christina said in the background.

"Mere, get back to your baby. Congrats again Bye."

"Bye." everyone said.

Derek got off the phone at that moment.

"Okay we have like a six way call here Mere and they all want to talk to you." he said while his daughter was passed into his arms.

"Okay, give me the phone." she said.

"Hello..."

"Mere Congrats, you knew it was a girl, I love her name." all five voices spoke at once.

"Calm down guys, I'd love to talk but I am really tired I did just got done delivering her like three hours ago."

"Okay Bye Mere."

"Here" Derek said handing Alyssa to her.

"Hey baby, you like your family." she said kissing her forehead as she fell asleep in her arms. "I love you." she said while yawning.

"Here Mere I will get the girls and let you rest." taking Alyssa from her. Mere nodded and fell asleep.

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**PLEASE R&R!!**

**Tell me if I should continue the story?**


	3. Chapter 3: Homecoming

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or character's, only those that you don't know.

Okay so Alyssa Danielle Shepherd (Lyss), has blonde hair like Meredith, green eyes.

So here's the next chapter...

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An hour later Mere is awoken by Sophia tugging at her arm saying, "Mommy!"

"Shhh Mommy's sleeping." Derek tells her.

"It's okay Derek, not anymore I'm up." Mere says opening her eyes seeing Sophia by her bed and Derek sitting on the chair with the twins sleeping in his arms. "Did you see your new sister yet Phia?"

"Nope, not yet. Daddy wouldn't let me... he tolded me I hads to wait for you."

"Iz is bringing her up soon." Derek told Mere.

"Okay, you excited to see her." she says to Sophia.

"Yeah." she says.

"Hello Shepherd's." Izzie says entering the room rolling Alyssa's crib in the room.

"Aunt Izzie!" Sophia screamed running over.

"Hey Phia, how are you, ready to see your sister."

"Yeah." she said peering at the crib unable to see because of her height.

"Here." she said rolling the crib toward Mere who picked up Alyssa.

"Come here Phia to see your sister."

Phia came running over and carefully hopped up on Mere's bed.

"Careful, Phia. Now I'd like you to meet your new sister Alyssa."

"Hi, Yssa" said not able to pronounce her name. "She little. When can I play with her."

"Not for a little while Phia she's still too small." she told her daughter as she hopped off the bed over to Iz who was picking up Hayley.

"Aunt Izzie I'm a big sister again!"

"I know Phia, and you are a good one" she told her while she lifted her on her knee since she sat down.

"What is this a party that I wasn't invited to." Alex said amused.

"Uncle Alex!" Phia yelled to loudly, running over to him as he picked her up.

"Shhh not that loud, you'll wake up your..." he was cut off as Alyssa began to cry, "sister" he finished.

"Sorry." Phia whispered.

Meredith gently rocked Alyssa cooing for her to stop crying. "Come on Lyss, stop crying baby."

Derek got up and made a trade while Mere got Paige and he quieted Alyssa.

"I can't wait to bring her home." Mere said quietly putting Paige down who shakily walked to Bailey who entered the room.

"You keeping track of your kids there Grey."

"Shepherd, and yes I am. She wanted to get down."

"Hey Paigey how are you."

Paige giggled as Miranda picked her up. "Anda!"

"You don't think there is enough people in this room."

"Hey it's not like I invited them." Mere shrugged while Derek, Iz and Alex laughed.

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Three days later...

"Hey Mere, Iz says she can be released today, and you too." Derek said entering the room.

"Good." Mere said holding a sleeping Alyssa in her arms. She had gained another pound so she is at a healthy weight to go home.

"Hey Lyss." she said to her baby who was waking up, "You ready to go home?"

Alyssa began crying for food so Mere prepared to breast feed her. When she was done Izzie came in with their discharge papers.

"Here you go Mere, you two can go home now."

"Thanks Iz."

"I'll see you and Lyss for her check-up or when you can't stay away from the hospital."

Mere handed Lyss to Derek while she laughed and went to go get changed. Then she pulled out the onesie she packed when she was in labor.

"When did you get that?" Derek asked cooing at Alyssa.

"Remember I had the feeling I packed it while I was in labor."

"Oh really."

"Yeah." she laughed as she changed Alyssa and picked her up. "Come on baby girl lets go home."

Izzie came in that moment with a wheelchair with a balloon attached to it that said It's a Girl!

"Nice Iz I am not leaving in a wheel chair."

"It's procedure." Izzie argued. The other times she really had no choice because of the c-section scar.

"Whatever." Mere responded sitting in the chair with Alyssa in her arms.

"See ya around Mere." Izzie said leaving Derek to push the wheel chair. "Bye Alyssa." she said to the baby. Derek proudly pushed the wheelchair out of the hospital. Smiling at nurses and other doctors around who stopped to admire his daughter. Eventually they got to the car.

"Come on Lyss, lets go home." she said putting her in her car seat. She started cooing at her and Lyss looked up at her in awe.

"Come on Mere." Derek said nudging her towards the front seat.

"A little pushy there McDreamy."

"Shut up Christina is probably torturing our kids at home."

"True."

They drive home in silence watching Alyssa from the rear view mirror as she takes in her new surroundings. They arrive home and Derek grabs Meredith's stuff while Meredith grabs Alyssa. Meredith walks in the house and Sophia runs over screaming, "Mommy! I missed you."

"Shhh Phia Paige is sleeping." Christina says walking into the room putting Hayley down to say hi to Mere.

"Thanks for watching them Christina." Derek said.

"Owen helped out a bit and they are just to cute it's hard to say no." she replies. "I can't wait till I get to watch this one." motioning to Alyssa. Mere carried Alyssa upstairs until she heard Hayley following her.

"Hey Hayl." she said to her daughter ruffling her curls, "I'll be right down why don't you go see you Daddy!" Hayley nodded and turned to waddle towards Derek. Mere went upstairs to put Alyssa asleep in the nursery luckily they got the twins new room done in time. Alyssa went right to sleep and brought the baby monitor downstairs.

"Mommy." Phia said holding her arms up to be carried, Mere picked and sat her down at the table.

"Here Phia why don't you color." handing her some paper and markers, "Why don't you make something for Alyssa."

"Okay." she said as she busied herself among the markers.

Mere picked up Hayley, put her in her high chair and began feeding her, Derek doing the same with Paige.

"You know that this is gonna be the only time there is quiet in the house with four girls under four." Derek said amused.

"Yeah, I guess let's make the most of it." Mere told him.

At that moment when she finished feeding Hayley Alyssa began crying. Meredith got up put Derek beat her to it coming down a minute later with Alyssa in his arms. "That didn't take long" he said. "I think she needs a new diaper."

"I have the twins you get the diaper Derek." grabbing the girls to get ready for bed.

"Okay."

Within a few minutes Paige and Hayley were in bed sleeping while Derek was cooing Alyssa who wouldn't stop crying.

"Come on Lyss baby stop crying." he cooed.

"Derek she's hungry, call yourself a father." she teased.

"Sorry but I can't feed her Mere" he informed her. Derek fed Sophia and got her ready for bed while Mere breast fed Lyss. By the time she was done burping her Sophia was asleep after making Derek tell her 3 stories.

"Three out of four are asleep Mere." he said.

"Good" she said while Alyssa yawned, "This one's tired too."

"Lets get her to bed then." Derek said yawning.

Mere placed Alyssa in the cot that they had out in their room trying to let the other girls sleep soundly. Alyssa fell asleep immediately slightly on her side. Mere and Derek looked in lovingly at their daughter. Mere went to say good night to Phia while Derek got ready for bed. Meredith did the same when she entered the room an settled into bed on her side. Derek went right next to her putting his right arm around her.

"Good night Derek."

"Good Night Mere."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

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Please R&R!


	4. Chapter 4: Thunderstorms and Surprises

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or character's, only those that you don't know.**

**So here's the next chapter.**

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**One month later...**

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It's the middle of the night and the Shepherd household is quiet. Quiet that is until thunder and lightning began and a wailing cry fills the air.

"Derek, it's your turn to get Lyss." Mere groans while rolling over.

"No Mere your turn." he says putting his face under the pillow. It has only been a month since they had brought Alyssa home and the two have had little sleep, they wondered how their other girls slept through her constant crying. It was even worse when one of them was on-call.

"Fine, I will be the adult here." Mere says sarcastically getting up hitting him with her pillow as he groans again. As Mere opens the door she finds Sophia sitting there sniffling. "Honey, what's wrong did Lyss wake you up." Sophia shakes her head whimpering then crying as another bout of thunder comes. "Oh, the storm." Mere says picking her up as she is now crying even harder.

"Derek, can you get Phia, the lightning woke her up, I gotta get Lyss."

"Fine." he says getting up and taking his daughter from Mere. "Shhh baby Daddy's here the thunder won't hurt you."

Mere walks into the nursery where Alyssa is crying. "Hey Lyss Shhh Mommy's got you everything will be okay." Mere cooed cursing under her breath as she realized that she can now here Paige and Hayley crying. Bouncing her up and down she walks into the twins room. Paige is sitting up crying while Hayley is trying to get out of her crib.

"DEREK!" Mere calls into the hallway.

"What?" came her response.

"Hayley and Paige are up," she said over Alyssa's cries. Mere was still bouncing her up and down as she stopped Hayley from falling and picked her up.

"Hey Hayl." Mere says picking up her daughter, "It's okay the storm won't hurt you lets sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed," she tells her as she nods leaving the room as Derek gets Paige. The only one still crying is Alyssa. She puts Hayley down onto the bed and continues to comfort Lyss.

"Come on Lyss, Mommy's got you, come on baby stop crying," Mere whispers into her ear noticing Hayley is asleep on Derek's chest. Her cries slowly quiet as she starts to close her eyes. Seconds later she is asleep.

Mere gently lays her down in her cot and picks up Paige and lays down next to Phia who looks like she is asleep. She isn't so when Paige falls asleep Sophia tugs at Mere's shirt.

"Mommy."

"What sweetie."

"I'm scared of the thunder."

"It's okay just lay close your eyes," she says turning to face her. Paige is wrapped around her neck and sandwiched between them.

"But I can still hear the thunder Mommy." she whimpers, looking at Derek who is asleep too.

"Here." Mere says covering her ears while Paige hangs off her neck. "There we go."

"Thanks Mommy" she says while yawning falling asleep seconds later. Mere closes her eyes relived that everyone is asleep although in her bed and falls asleep.

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5 months later...

"Hey Derek what time your family coming in?" Mere asked while picking up Alyssa to change her diaper.

"They should be arriving any minute." he said looking at his watch, "Which means they will be here in like 10 minutes." He picked up Hayley and placed her on the couch next to Paige and Phia who were watching T.V.

"Daddy, Aunt Nancy and Uncle Frank coming?" Hayley asked.

"Yes and Aunt Kathleen and Uncle Robert, Aunt Lyndsey and Uncle John, Aunt Emma and Uncle Jason, and Nana." he answered her.

"Yay!" she said clapping her hands Paige joining her.

"Anyway, that's good." Mere said finishing their previous conversation placing Lyss on her hip. "That gives me enough time to get this one ready. Come on Lyss, we're gonna meet some of your other family." she tells the baby who smiles.

A minute later Mere walks down the stairs with Lyss in her arms wearing a light pink ruffly dress with a bow in her short dirty blonde hair.

"Someone looks pretty." Derek said to Lyss who laughed as Mere handed her to Derek. "Yes you are baby." he cooed as he tickled her and she went into a fit of laughter.

"Daddy, when are they gonna be here?" he heard Paige ask hopping off the couch running toward him.

"Sweetie." Mere answered for him, "They will be here any minute, why don't you turn off the T.V and wait at the door."

"Okay!" she said excitedly and ran to turn the T.V off and told her sisters to wait at the door.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang.

"Daddy they're here!" Sophia said excitedly all three girls bouncing up and down.

"Okay let me get to the door," he rushed over quickly handing Alyssa to Mere.

"Der Bear!" the girls at the door screamed hugging their brother and son their hands bearing gifts.

"Hey guys!" he said hugging them back half-heartedly.

"Hey girls." Nancy said to Paige, Sophia, and Hayley the others chorusing in. "Where is your new sister?"

"With Mommy." Hayley said.

The women immediately pushed past the girls calling Meredith's name to find her coming out of the kitchen. "Oh my gosh Mere she is so cute." they said running over to her reaching out their arms to hold the baby.

"Thanks love you guys too." Mere responded pretending to be jealous that they noticed the baby first.

Nancy, Elizabeth, Lyndsey, and Emma hugged Mere while Kathleen got to hold her first. Although she was quickly passed from woman to woman.

"Here Mere these are for Lyss, god she looks just like you." Elizabeth said. Each of the women handed her the bags in their hands. They all contained clothes and such.

The rest of the day went smoothly everyone cooing over Alyssa and the girls.

"So Derek." Emma asks, "How does it feel being the only man in the house." everyone began laughing.

"Shut up Em and I will let you know I am planning on at least one boy." Derek said scowling at his sister.

"Whatever Derek, think what you want." Mere said as everyone except the men continued laughing.

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Four months later...

Meredith and Derek got both families together for Christmas Eve at their house. It wasn't necessarily dinner, just a bunch of food. But they only did this so Sophia, Paige, Hayley, and Lyss could see Christina, Owen, Lexie, George, Richard, Adele, and Miranda since they would not see them the next morning. It also involved opening their presents much to Sophia, Hayley, and Paige's enjoyment.

As the three of them were finished opening there presents and were playing with them among the scattered wrapping paper they were giving Lyss her presents. Of course she was having more fun playing with the wrapping paper she was crawling around. Most of them were clothes but Christina and Lexie got her a baby doll and a glow worm.

"Thanks guys," Mere said as she watched Lyss hold onto the baby doll and crawl around. She stopped and looked around.

"Dada," she said unable to find him.

"Aw, Derek," Emma said.

"What?" he asked popping his head into the living room.

"You daughter wants you," Elizabeth said.

"Aww baby," he said going up to Lyss who smiled.

"Dada," she said reaching her arms out to him. He tried to pick her up but she used his arms to hoist herself up. She stood still for a second and Derek backed up confusing her.

"Come on baby," Derek said reaching his arm out for her. She stared at him for a second and looked as if she was going to walk but sunk to her knees and crawled to him.

"Oh you little cheater," Mere cooed as she picked her up. She kissed her on the cheek and Lyss laughed.

"Mere she is just the cutest thing I have ever seen," Izzie said. She was just happy since she lived next door and would see Lyss that morning too. She turned around to Alex who was holding their daughter Allison Sarah Karev who was born 5 months after Lyss. Though Alyssa was a little older they already were really good friends.

"That outfit is so cute," Lexie cooed referring to the silver dress that made Lyss sparkle. It had a little sweater to go with it.

"I know," Mere said as Lyss begged to be let down. Mere placed her down but Lyss immediately crawled over to her toy box and helped herself stand. Derek was sitting a little ways off with Sophia.

"Dada," Lyss said and caught his attention. She warily took and step, then another, then another, and finally into Derek's grasp.

"Yes!" he exclaimed loudly and picked her up. There was a lot of commotion over her first steps that Lyss started to feel overwhelmed by all the noise that she started wailing loudly.

"Oh baby," Mere said and picked her up. "Shhh, it's okay. Mommy is so proud of you." It was fine for the first second until Mere's stomach lurched and she ran to the bathroom after putting Lyss down. She was even able to go unseen for a while. She was in the bathroom for awhile until Derek knocked on the door.

"Mere, are you okay?" he asked. She walked out holding a stick. Derek's eyes lit up.

**"Derek, I am pregnant."  
**

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**I fixed it but since some of you like the bold I will keep it like this.**

**I will explain the story more in the next chapter, like a better summary.**

**Tell me if I should continue?**

**Please R&R!!**


	5. Chapter 5: Busy Night

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Okay a summary of what's gonna happen. Okay well when Alyssa is growing up she is fine about attention because she is the second youngest girl. But when her sister and brother are born her attention begins to slip. By the age of 8 she resorts to letting herself get hurt and joining everything possible. That includes dancing 3 times a week instead of 2, field hockey, singing, and drama. By the age of 10 it escalates to dancing 6 times a week. This works out for about 3 seconds. Mere and Derek have trouble controlling her especially by the age of 13. She picks fights with them and her sisters which brings Meredith and Derek further apart and the family is falling apart. What happens when a sickness that can destroy the family forever becomes the only thing that can save it?

This is the last chapter when they are all real young.

Okay meet Jacob (Jake) Avery Shepherd this chapter takes place about a year after he was born.

This puts Sophia at 5, Hayley, and Paige at 3 1/2, Alyssa at 2 1/2, and Jake at 1.

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The Shepherd house is quiet, which makes Mere very worried. A loud scream fills the air coming from Sophia's room. Mere runs upstairs to find Paige on the floor crying and Sophia standing over her with a Paige's bear in her hands.

"Sophia Christina Shepherd what is going on in here." Mere asks her oldest daughter picking up Paige and sitting her down on the bed.

"She kept hitting me with it so I took it a pushed her down." she said looking crestfallen realizing what she did was wrong.

"Well then it looks like your both at fault here." she says looking sternfully at her daughters.

Sophia looked down avoiding Mere's eyes and Paige stopped crying.

"No I want you two to make up." she urged.

"Sorry Paigey."

"Sorry Phia" and the two sisters hugged.

"Now you two get ready for dinner, I talked to Daddy and we decided to take you guys out to the park later."

"Park, Park!" Hayley says running into the room with Alyssa a few steps behind her and Jake struggling to catch up with the both of them.

"Hey guys." she says to them picking up Jake, ruffling Hayley's curls, and kissing Alyssa's head. As she got older she began to look more and more like Mere. "Let's go downstairs dinner's almost ready and Daddy will be home soon."

"Yay." Alyssa said bouncing up and down. The girls followed their mother downstairs.

"Can we watch T.V Mommy?" Hayley asked.

"Yeah can we." Paige and Phia chorused.

"Yeah, Yeah!" Lyss said bouncing up and down full of energy.

"No I am getting dinner out in a minute, go sit at the table."

"Okay!" they all said and walked to the table. Avoiding her chair with the booster chair Alyssa began to attempt to hop up on Derek's chair which seemed to fail.

"Lyss what are you doing?" Mere asked her daughter putting the chicken nuggets down she just took out of the oven.

"I don't want to sit in my booster chair Mommy, I want to sit normal like Phia, Hayley, and Paigey do." she said as Mere picked her up and placed her in her seat. She always wanted to be like them Mere hoped she would grow out of it eventually.

"But sweetie you need to wait until your a little bigger." she told her carefully avoiding the word small which Alyssa hated to be referenced with. Mere attempted to strap her in but she kept sliding down every time. "Lyss if you keep doing that you will hurt yourself."

"Okay Mommy." she surrendered. Just as Mere was about to strap her in Derek came through the door. Immediately she hopped down and began to follow her sisters who were running towards him.

"DADDY!" they all called running towards him arms outstretched.

"Hey guys!" he said hugging and kissing them all.

"Derek, I was about to strap Lyss into her seat, now she'll never sit." Mere said before kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Sorry." he said walking up to Alyssa. "Hey pumpkin, why don't you be a good girl and let me strap you into your booster." he said picking her up.

"But Daddy, I want to be like Phia, Paige, and Hayley." she whined and pouted. She looked up at him with her big green eyes and reminded him so much of Mere.

"I know, but when they were your age they sat in a booster chair too."

"Really?" she said.

"Yup." he told her.

"Okay, I'll sit in it." she said giving up the fight.

"Thank you baby." he said strapping her in and giving her a kiss.

"How do you do that Derek." Mere asked astonished.

"You just have to say the right things to her to get her to." he said smiling at his fatherly instinct as he liked to call it.

"Okay whatever you say I..." she was interrupted by Jake.

"Daddy!" he screamed. Derek ruffled his hair and kissed his head. He was like a mini Derek right down to the dimples.

"Hey buddy." he said sitting down between him and Hayley. Mere made the plates up and handed them to her family. The peace in the Shepherd household would only last through dinner so Meredith and Derek enjoyed the few moments of quiet. That lasted as long as it took for Alyssa to finish when she begins to cry to get let down. Mere gets up to let her down as Hayley and Paige run to the T.V and Sophia follows quickly after. When Alyssa is let down she runs off to the blaring T.V as Derek picks Jake up and lets him down.

"Guys." she says to her girls who are glued to the T.V. "After I clean up and your Daddy gets Jake ready we're going to the park."

"Yay Yay!" Alyssa screams spinning in circles dancing. She has always expressed her love for dance and Mere couldn't wait to sign her up.

The family walked down to the park Derek holding Sophia and Paige's hand, Mere holding Hayley's while pushing the stroller Jake was in and that Alyssa was trying to get out of.

"If you keep doing that Lyss you're gonna hurt yourself."

"But I don't wanna sit in the stroller Mommy. I wanna walk like Sophia, Hayley, and Paigey." Mere knew she would eventually win the fight so she let Derek fight it out. Luckily she was a total Daddy's girl and always did what he said. Of course she was close to both of the.

"Lyss do as your mother says." Derek says to her.

"Fine." she said sitting down crossing her arms trying to look as mad as possible at her parents but a smile burst out seconds later.

When they got to the park Derek pushed Jake on the swing while Mere watched Sophia and Alyssa play in the sand box. Hayley and Paige were chasing each other in circles laughing. Just then Meredith and Derek's pagers go off obviously something neuro or they wouldn't page both of them.

"Great." Mere muttered looking down. "Come on kids time to go." she called to them as they walked toward her protesting. Jake and Alyssa were placed in the stroller and the family was home in a matter of 5 minutes. No time to find a sitter they decided to put them in the day care. Luckily before they got their Izzie and Lexie were getting off their shifts.

"Aunt Izzie! Aunt Lexie!" Alyssa called when she spotted them running over quickly followed by Paige and Sophia. Jake was already asleep when they brought the girls back over to Mere.

"Hey Lyss how are you?" Izzie asked picking her up and sitting her on her lap.

"Good" she replied, "I am this many years old." she told Iz holding up 2 fingers.

"Wow you are getting so big." she told her.

"Mere we will take them and wait for you to be done, it's not big, just a consult. One hour at the most," she tells her.

"Thanks Iz." Mere said rushing off to the trauma room.

Lexie had control over Paige and Sophia who were getting tired. Alyssa yawned and put her arms around Izzie's neck. Within a few minutes she was asleep. Hayley sat next to her with Jake and they fell asleep leaning against each other. Within a time span of 10 minutes the 5 kids were sprawled out over the chairs fast asleep. Mere came an hour later to get them home. Derek had to be on call but Mark said he would drop him off at home as soon as he was out of surgery.

Driving home in silence Mere got all the kids to bed and fell asleep alone wishing Derek was next to her.

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Please R&R!!

By the way what name do you like better? Gabrielle Isabella Shepherd or Kelsey Alexis Shepherd.


	6. Chapter 6: First Day

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or character's, only those that you don't know.

Woops I lied okay this is the last chapter of everyone really young.

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2 months later...

This was the beginning of everything and Mere was upset, Sophia was starting kindergarten, the twins preschool, and Lyss dance class. Her babies were growing up and there would actually be an hour of the day where it would be just her and Jake. Of course Alyssa had dance on Tuesday's only and it was Monday so she had to balance where her and Jake would go until Derek's shift ended. This was the first time Mere was working an 8 hour shift since Sophia was born five years ago.

They were on there way to drop Sophia at kindergarten. She was less than thrilled and was clinging to Mere's leg the entire way as they walked into school. Mere came out 10 minutes later crying. Her oldest daughter starting school was too much. Now they had to drop the twins off too. They were excited to start pre-school because they had each other but Meredith still came back the same way, crying.

Derek dropped the three back at home as he went to work. At lunch time they would do a switch off although Alyssa and Jake would have to be in the hospital day care for an hour. Actually Jake was staying their for his one year check-up and Derek had his first day alone with Lyss until he had to pick up Sophia, Hayley, and Paige and 4:00.

"Mommy, it's quiet here." Alyssa said confused, she had slept through the car ride and didn't know where her sisters were.

"Yeah it is because you sisters are at school." Mere told her daughter.

"I want to go to school!" Alyssa said jumping up and down.

"Sorry baby your too young but guess what," she said ruffling her hair, "you start dance tomorrow."

"Yay! Yay!" Alyssa said jumping up and down more excitedly.

"You wanna see your outfit sweetie?" she said holding up a bag.

"Yes!" she said and stopped bouncing.

Mere held up a tutu and leo with pink tights and ballet shoes.

"Mommy I wanna put it on now!" Lyss said holding up her arms.

"Sweetie you can put in on tomorrow Mommy has to go to work, but Daddy's gonna pick just you up from daycare and you're gonna spend the day with him." she told her daughter.

"Yay!!" Alyssa said turning in circles.

"Come on sweetie." she said picking up Jake and turning toward the door. Alyssa ran after her and out the door towards the car. Meredith closed and locked the door behind her and continued to the car. When she opened the door Alyssa climbed in and Mere strapped her and Jake in and headed of to the hospital. In the hospital on the way to daycare Alyssa began running ahead of Mere.

"Alyssa get back here now!" she called to her daughter and she ran back to her mother's side. Of course two seconds later she ran off again.

"Alyssa!" she called again but Lyss rounded a corner. She ran after her picking up Jake and turned the corner to see Richard standing there.

"Chief I am sorry she got ahead of me we are going to the daycare," Mere explained as she grabbed Lyss's hand.

"It's fine," he said to her then bent down beside Lyss. "You know not to run away from you're Mommy again. Cause we don't want you to see anything bad. There are sick people in here." Lyss nodded and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

"Okay Uncle Richard," she laughed. they said goodbye and continued walking.

Mere had a very firm grip on Lyss's hand so she wouldn't run away again but there was still a little bounce in her step. Meredith laughed at her sudden burst of energy as they rounded the corner to the daycare. She said goodbye to them and left to find Derek. An hour later Derek came to the daycare.

Alyssa spots him and runs up to him screaming, "Daddy!"

"Hey Lyss ready to go home?" he asks her as she jumps into his arms.

"Yeah!" she said excitedly wrapping her arms around his neck. Derek goes to say goodbye to Jake and he exits the hospital Alyssa still in his arms. Strapping her into the car seat and heading toward the driver's seat he asks Alyssa, "Baby girl what do you want to do for the rest of today?"

"I don't know Daddy." she tells him but replies seconds later, "I wanna go to the park."

"The park it is." he says taking a detour so they can get to the park. When they arrive he lets Alyssa out and she goes running for the swings grabbing her father's arm.

"Push me Daddy!" she says.

"Okay!" Derek replies and begins to push her on the swing. She squeals with delight and a few minutes later they are on the slide, then Derek was chasing her around in circles. Grabbing her and tickling her she begins to laugh and wrap her arms around him tightly.

"I love you Daddy!"

"Love you too sweetheart." He put her down as she went to the sand box. A woman came up to him.

"You're daughter is adorable," she said keeping an eye on her little one who was talking to Lyss in the sand box.

"Thanks so is yours," Derek said admiring his daughter.

"What's her name?" she asked.

"Alyssa," he said.

"Just like my daughter's, her names Melissa."

"They are alike, you live around here?"

"About 20 minutes away," she told him.

"Oh, yeah we live right down the road," he said. Lyss started dancing around in circles

"How old is she?"

"Just turned two January 20th," he said.

"Same age as Melissa, by the way does your daughter dance?"

"We just signed her up, why?"

"Me and my husband Tom are trying to find a place to sign Melissa up."

"Here," Derek said pulling out a card with the name of the dance place. "This is where she is going it's the best place in Seattle."

"Thanks," she said and took the card. "Melissa time to go!" Melissa came over followed by Lyss.

"Mommy, this is Alyssa," the girl said.

"Nice to meet you," she said.

"We should exchange phone numbers, looks like they just made a friend," Derek said.

"Here," she said scribbling down. "Call anytime."

"Here," Derek said giving her a slip of paper.

"By the way, I am Teresa," she said.

"Derek, nice to meet you."

"See you around Derek," Teresa said and walked away with Melissa. Derek continued to play with Lyss until she was too tired to do anymore and laughed her heart out.

An hour had gone by and Derek then went out to rent her favorite movie, The Beauty and the Beast. The two go home and Derek made a late lunch for them and cuddled on the couch to watch the movie. The entire movie Alyssa leaned her head against his chest and hugged him tightly obviously enjoying her first day alone with him. By the end Alyssa was asleep ad curled up on Derek's lap. He looked at his watch and realized it was already 3:30, if he was going to be on time to get the twins and Sophia from school he would have to leave now. Careful not to wake her up Derek gently picked up Lyss and turned off the T.V and started to head for the car grabbing his keys on the way.

He lets her sleep on the ride over but couldn't leave her when he goes to get the girls. Carefully he wakes her up saying, "Alyssa, sweetie time to get up!"

"Daddy." she says groggily as he picks her up to walk into Sophia's school.

"Daddy!" Sophia screams and runs over to him.

"Hey Phia!" he said

"Hello Mr. Shepherd." the teacher introduced herself to Derek, "I'm Miss Daniels, Sophia's teacher, it's nice to have met you, Mrs. Shepherd said you were picking her up. Also Sophia couldn't stop mentioning how you two were excellent surgeons."

"Nice to meet you Miss Daniels and Sophia tells everyone we're doctors." he said shaking her hand and then grabbing Sophia's with the hand he was not holding Lyss.

"So who's this." Miss Daniels cooed at Alyssa.

"This is Alyssa she's two and a half." Derek said.

"Hello Alyssa." Miss Daniels said to Alyssa smiling at the tired young girl.

"Hi." Alyssa said shyly burying herself in her father's shoulder.

"Well we have to go and pick up her sisters from preschool."

"Bye Mr. Shepherd, bye Sophia see you tomorrow." she said and turned to another young boy's parents.

In the car Derek asks Phia how the first day of kindergarten was. "Is was great!" she told him, "I met lots of friends!"

"That great Phia." he said and continued driving towards the twins preschool. Quickly he picked Hayley and Paige up and they rushed home to have dinner. Mere came home an hour later with Jake and put him to bed. When that was over she came down stairs where the girls were playing as Derek cleaned up. By then it was 8:00 so Derek and Meredith ushered there kids off to bed.

While saying goodnight Mere asked Alyssa, "So sweetie, how was your day with Daddy?"

"I had fun Mommy." she said yawning. Leaving the room Mere met Derek in the hallway who went to say goodnight.

He kissed her on her head and turned to leave until she said, "Thanks you Daddy, today was the bestest day ever. I love you." He came over and stroked her face and she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"Night Lyss glad you had a good time I love you too." he said finally kissed her and headed toward the door where Mere was watching.

"Looks like someone had fun." she whispered closing Lyss's door.

"Yeah, I enjoyed today." Derek said.

"I was talking bout Lyss but I'm glad you had fun too." Mere teased and continued to their bedroom.

"Night Mere." Derek said climbing into bed. "Love you."

"Love you too Derek."

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Well there you go. Now I am gonna skip forward when her sister whatever her name will be is 2 years old and to be exact it is 4 years later.

What name do you like better? Gabrielle Isabella Shepherd or Kelsey Alexis Shepherd. I am leaning towards Kelsey Alexis, what do you think?

Please R&R!!


	7. Chapter 7: Forgetful Mistakes

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or character's, only those that you don't know.

Just to let you know I chose Kelsey Alexis Shepherd, and this is the beginning of the whole Alyssa getting left out part. She is only 6 years old and Meredith and Derek are starting to have problems getting all their kids enough attention. She also begins tap this year.

Kelsey (Kels) has blonde curly hair with hazel eyes.

This also makes Sophia 9, Hayley and Paige 7, Alyssa 6, and Jake 5.

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Meredith wait with Kels and Jake for her girls to get home. The bus picks up and drops them off every morning and afternoon. Kelsey has been begging Meredith to color so while waiting she sets her up with some paper and markers. Alyssa had dance at 6:00 and she didn't want her to be late. Luckily the bus came promptly a 4:30 in front of the house. Mere went out to meet them but when only Hayley, Paige, and Sophia got off she got worried. But then she saw Alyssa in the front of the bus saying goodbye to some of her friends and rushing off.

"Hi Mom!" she called.

Meredith winced at the word Mom she began calling her Mommy less and less and they were all getting too big. "Hey Lyss, how was school today." she asked.

"Okay I guess, I have dance tonight right Mommy?" she asked Mere as they began walking inside.

"Yes so we gotta hurry, I am making dinner now it will be ready in a half an hour. Why don't you color with Kels in the living room?"

"Okay." and she ran into the house slipping off her shoes and dropping her backpack at the door and went next to Kelsey.

"Hey Kels." she said hugging her little sister and picking up a marker. They played quietly until Kels began to cry. Meredith ran over to see her on the floor while Alyssa looked at her guiltily.

"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd what happened?" Mere said sternly picking up Kels.

"I was asking her nicely for the marker but she wouldn't give it to me." she whined looking unrepentant., "So I took it from her and when she reached for it I pushed her away."

"Alyssa that was wrong." she said as Kelsey's cries died down.

"But she wasn't sharing!" Alyssa yelled.

"Don't speak to me in that tone young lady." Mere said raising her voice making Alyssa flinch narrowing her eyes at her daughter.

"But..." she yelled even louder.

"Not but's!" Mere raised her voice even louder.

"But it's not fair!" she screamed. She stomped her foot and Mere knew she was on the verge of a tantrum. In almost a second she screamed loudly and began flailing her arms wildly. She sat on the floor and started banging.

"Alyssa, time out chair now!" Mere sternly said to her daughter. Alyssa began sobbing harder and ran to her chair. Mere got her timer and set it for 20 minutes.

"Don't move for twenty minutes young lady." Mere said to her as she continued to cry. Even after the twenty minutes were up she sat there still sniffling and whimpering. Derek walked in and noticed Alyssa there.

"Lyss why are you upset?" he asked his daughter.

"Mommy... me... to ... time out ... chair." she said between sobs.

"Well then you must have done something wrong." he said to Lyss as she turned away to continue crying. This has been her first real punishment and was taking it hard. He kissed her on the head and walked toward Mere who explained the whole thing, she was sorry that she was taking it hard but she had to learn. 10 minutes later Meredith heard a Mommy come from the other end of the room. Alyssa was standing there Derek behind coaxing her on.

"I'm sorry." she said staying back.

"It's okay Lyss you're forgiven." Alyssa hugged Mere and she went to the dinner table to wait for the meal. She also said sorry to Kelsey and gave her a big hug too. After dinner Alyssa went upstairs to get ready for tap class. This was her newest class and today was her first day and she was so excited.

Alyssa came down and sat on the couch next to Phia.

"Wanna watch cartoons with me?" Phia asked.

Alyssa just nodded and waited for her Mom or Dad to take her to dance. 10 minutes later Alyssa looked up at the clock and realized that it was 5:45 and her dance class was 20 minutes away, even if they left now they would be late. Cautiously walking up to them she called Meredith's name. She didn't answer, she called it again and still no answer. Running around the house she went up to Hayley and asked her where they were.

"They left 10 minutes ago, Kels wanted to get ice cream so they are bringing ingredients back to make sundaes, they won't be home for a while though they took the ferry." she told her, "Aunt Izzie's here to watch us."

"But... But I... I..." she runs into the dining room and goes under the table crying. She hasn't done this since she was 4 and it was her and Paige's fort. Izzie hears her do this and runs towards her.

"Lyss, Lyss calm down what's wrong." she rubs her back murmuring comforting words to her. It took her twenty minutes to finally calm down where she was gasping out of breath. "Okay, now breathe, calm down sweetie. Just tell me what happened. "

"I... I... I" she sobbed. She couldn't finish and just kept crying. She ran upstairs ignoring Izzie and hid. Izzie ran after her but could tell she was about to have a tantrum so she knew exactly what to do and closed the door sadly. "How could they forget me." she thought, "It's my dance class, and next week we have off for a holiday, I will never learn how to tap."

This was the first time they had ever forgotten her. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige came in to comfort her always being very close to her. "What's wrong Lyss." Paige said coming up to her.

"Tap." was all Alyssa could whisper wiping her tears away.

"That started today didn't it." Sophia said. All Alyssa did was nod. Then Meredith, Derek, and Kelsey came home. Alyssa looked at the clock it was 6:55. At that she started to cry again and bury her head in her knees.

"Guys come down for some ice cream!" Meredith screamed up at them as Derek and Kelsey started on the sundaes.

Sophia, Hayley, and Paige went down leaving Alyssa to curl up in her bed and cry softly. When only three came down Mere she asked her girls where Alyssa was.

"She's crying Mom." Sophia answered.

"Why?" she asked after calling to Derek. She looked at her watch and looked up quickly at Derek. "Tap." she said looking Derek before running up to her daughter's room Derek right behind her. Seeing her daughter she runs over and hugs her tightly trying to calm her.

"Lyss... Shhh I'm so sorry, Shhh baby it won't happen again I promise." she soothed.

Alyssa began to sniffle and stop crying so hard and hugged her mother back. A couple minutes later she finally said, "It's okay now Mommy."

They went downstairs and ate their sundaes, Alyssa eating hers in silence. After it was over she went back upstairs to get changed out of her tap outfit and fell asleep. Meredith felt terrible but didn't see the big deal she had tap in two weeks. Derek was extremely upset that this happened even going to yelling at Meredith when the kids were asleep.

"How the hell did that happen Meredith!" he yelled.

"Derek." she said, "Don't yell at me it was a mistake, I forgot."

"Mere did you see how heart broken she was I heard her say to Hayley that Mommy and Daddy don't love me anymore before she went upstairs." he yelled even louder at her.

"Derek stop yelling I am trying I have 6 kids for crying out loud!"

"I have 6 kids too and I can handle it!"

"Handle it, you didn't remember either!"

"That isn't the point!"

"Then what is the point!"

"Mommy." they heard Kelsey say from her room.

"I got her Derek, and do me a favor, sleep on the couch." she said angrily to him whipping around toward the stairs.

After reassuring Kelsey everything was alright and putting her back to sleep Meredith walked to her room stopping briefly at Alyssa's. Lyss was curled up not underneath the covers still clutching her tap shoe. She looked in with a pang in her heart upset that she told Derek to sleep on the couch. She was upset and wanted him next to her no matter what he did. Meredith sighed and laid down in her bed not able to sleep.

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Okay this chapter is the beginning of Alyssa feeling that she is getting left out and Meredith and Derek's first big fight. It may seem like Alyssa was overreacting but she's 6 and it's never been like that. Meredith is starting to feel the pressures of parenting because they are getting older. 6 kids is getting to both her and Derek and the wort part is there is a 7th coming in 3 years.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	8. Chapter 8: Field Trips and Appendicitis

**If you think this is too much I will take it off but the next chapter is just gonna show how little they pay attention to them (mostly Alyssa). They think she is just still upset from the previous day and it could have become fatal if she didn't finally get Mere's attention. BTW this takes place a day after the previous chapter. It's kind of big and does involve the hospital. It is kind of long. **

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When Meredith opened the door to look on Lyss she stirred slightly but not to the notice of Mere. She began to cry softly as soon as she left. They don't love me anymore do they? All they care about is Kelsey. It's Kelsey this, Kelsey that. Kelsey wants ice cream lets just forget about Alyssa's dance class. Those were the thoughts that were running through the six year olds head.

At this she got angry at her parents but also felt bad. She heard them fighting twenty minutes ago and it was because of her. Trying to forget that today even happened she turned back over and fell asleep. Unfortunately this sleep did not last because she woke up around 1:00 a.m. not feeling too good. There was a weird pain in her side and she felt really hot. She tried to fall back asleep but she couldn't. She was sweating like crazy and her head hurt really bad. But not as bad as her stomach which she had to hold to stop from hurting. Alyssa also felt nauseous and tried to close her eyes to take the icky feeling away.

The night had seemed endless but finally when Meredith usually woke her up she found composure and made sure she didn't look sick. Today was the 1st grade field trip to the aquarium and she desperately didn't want to miss it. Meredith got her up like clock work and sat on her bed obviously wanting to talk.

"Lyss you know me and Daddy are very sorry about what happened last night." Mere said reaching for her arm. Alyssa avoided her touch because she felt hot all over and didn't want her mom too feel the hotness too.

"I know Mommy, you forgot that's all I am fine with it. I don't want you and Daddy to fight about it," she lied through her teeth. Mere looked astonished at what she she said, if Lyss heard the fight did everyone hear it?

"Lyss me and Daddy just had a little disagreement because we felt bad for what we did to you." Mere said to her daughter.

"I don't want you to fight though." she said looking as healthy as possible trying not to hold her aching stomach.

"I know, me either I am gonna go talk to him right now. And don't forget you have a field trip today we have to take you in twenty minutes earlier."

"I know I am gonna get changed now." she said getting up wincing at the pain. Meredith never saw it and that got Alyssa even angrier, even though she wanted to go to school she could at least pay attention to her daughter's pain.

She got dressed quickly and made her way downstairs where Meredith was talking to Derek in the kitchen, she decided to get her bag ready for the field trip to let them talk.

"Derek I'm sorry." Meredith said holding his face.

"No Mere I am sorry. I yelled at you when it is my fault to, I was home and I should have realized." Derek told her kissing her head.

"We both should have realized." Meredith said looking at Alyssa who was packing up her stuff. "Anyway who is gonna drop her off at school we have to leave in 10 minutes if she is gonna make her field trip."

"I will, you watch the kids at home." Derek replied leaving Mere in the kitchen to go up to Alyssa.

"Hey Lyss I am taking you to school." Derek said.

"Okay." she replied not looking up Derek just thought it was because she was still mad. It wasn't.

"Lyss I'm sorry about......" he said.

"Daddy you are already forgiven now when are you driving me."

"In 7 minutes," he said looking at his watch. "Don't you want breakfast first?"

"No." she said her stomach lurching forward at the thought of food. "I'm not hungry now, I will eat something on the bus to the aquarium."

"You sure?" he asked looking at his daughter suspiciously.

"Yeah I..." she was interrupted by Paige, Hayley, and Sophia running down the steps.

"Good Morning Daddy!" they all said.

"Hey girls, Kels or Jake up yet?"

"Nope they are still asleep." Hayley answered.

"We're hungry Daddy." Paige said.

"Your Mom's making pancakes so why don't you sit at the table, Lyss I will make your lunch and grab you an apple." Derek told the girls as they sit down Alyssa out of exhaustion.

"Hey Lyss, you okay from last night?" Hayley asked. Alyssa nodded looking down.

"I am sorry that happened to you." Sophia said putting her and on Alyssa's shoulder only to snatch it back quickly.

"Lyss you feel hot, are you okay." she asked concerned.

"I don't feel good but I wanna go on the field trip." Alyssa replied gripping her stomach.

"You shouldn't do that Lyss." Paige said.

"I'll be fine I will come home and tell mom that I don't feel good okay." she said.

"Promise?" Hayley asked.

"Promise." she replied quietly.

"What's wrong anyway?" Paige asked.

"I just feel hot, and my side hurts, and my stomach feels icky." she replied.

"You should tell mom or daddy." Sophia urged but Alyssa shook her head. Then Derek came in handed Lyss the apple and her lunch. She put it in her bag and Meredith came in with the pancakes, said goodbye to Lyss and went upstairs to wake Jake and Kelsey.

Derek got Alyssa to the car and Alyssa tried to avoid any conversation at all afraid that vomit will come out of her mouth instead of words. Unfortunately Derek had a different idea.

"So Lyss, where is this field trip to anyway?" he asked. Alyssa looked out the window for an excuse not to answer but they were only halfway to the school.

"The aquarium," she said quietly averting her sick tired eyes from Derek's in the rear-view mirror.

"That's fun." he said and they rode in silence until they arrived at her school and Derek said, "Here we are Lyss see you when I get home from work tonight."

"Bye Daddy." she said getting out of the car and running to the bathroom where she threw up. She quietly walked to her classroom where she finally rejuvenated and walked in trying not to show how sick she felt.

"Good Morning Alyssa!" her teacher Mrs. Reed said to her as she walked in, "You ready for the field trip." Alyssa just nodded and walked over to her friends, Brittany, Becca, Ava, Hannah and Nikki.

"Hi Lyss." they said at once.

"Hi guys." she said smiling weakly.

"You wanna sit with me on the bus, they already have partners." Nikki said pointing to the other girls.

"Sure." she replied and sat down at her seat waiting to go to the bus.

The trip for Alyssa unfortunately was hell as she tried to avoid vomiting and holding her side constantly. There was one point when she had to sit down and make an excuse to Mrs. Campbell, her chaperone to take a bathroom break to puke in the bathroom. Her lunch she only pretended to eat and stuffed it back into her bag. When they finally left she fell asleep on the ride home only to be awakened by Nikkii when they got back to school.

She found her sisters on the bus going home and sat with them all of them completely worried about her. She didn't answer any of their questions and when she got home went right past Meredith and upstairs. It actually took Mere 2 hours to realize that she wasn't downstairs and she went to check up on her. Alyssa made the excuse saying that she was doing homework that they assigned about what they learned on the field trip. Mere actually believed her.

Making her way downstairs she sat on the couch and watched T.V, well more alike pretended to and closed her eyes and silently moaned. Her side was killing her, her head was throbbing, and she had to throw up again. Holding her stomach she tried to make it to the bathroom. Meredith was still oblivious to her as she looked at the clay creations Kelsey and Jake made.

She couldn't hold in the vomit any longer so luckily making it to the hardwood, threw up all over the floor.

"EW!" Paige shrieked as Meredith ran over to Alyssa.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" she said beginning to feel her head.

"Mommy, I don't feel good." she said bending down to throwing up again.

"Lyss you have a fever." she said kissing her daughter's forehead. "Come on why don't you lay on the couch and I will clean up your mess okay."

"Okay Mommy." she said as Mere helped her to the couch where she laid down and closed her eyes. After she was done cleaning up the mess, she asked Phia to watch Kels and walked over to Alyssa with some medicine.

"Sweetie, I'm gonna need you to take this so you can get better." she told her soothingly stroking her burning hot and sweaty face.

"Okay," she said sitting up only to lay back down with a shriek of pain. This made Meredith concerned.

"Lyss baby, what hurts?" she asked pulling her hair out of her face.

"My tummy and my side." she said motioning to the right side of her abdomen.

"Oh my," Mere breathed as Lyss struggled to sit up again. "Honey, can you lay down again for Mommy?"

"Okay," Lyss said laying back down. Mere lifted up her shirt and examined her stomach.

"Can you show me where it hurts?" Mere asked her. Lyss pointed to the right side of her abdomen. "Here?" Mere asked gently pressing down around the spot Lyss pointed to.

"Yeah!" Alyssa said biting her lip in pain tears beginning to form. The spot was tender and felt as if something was inflamed. She recognized the symptoms immediately.

"Sweetie, I am gonna need to take you to the hospital."

"Why Mommy?" she said starting to cry, "I don't wanna go."

"Shhh sweetie it's just to make sure." Mere soothed as she turned away to call Mark to watch her other kids, she knew he was off. Lyss laid back down and started to cry holding her stomach.

After getting off with him she gently picked her up and waited for Mark to come. When he Meredith quickly said goodbye to her girls and said thanks to Mark. He stroked Lyss's cheek gently before she buried her head in Meredith's shoulder.

"Don't mention it." he said hesitating to whisper, "You sure it's appendicitis?" motioning to a crying Alyssa who was too upset and in too much pain to realize what was going on.

"She has a fever, tenderness above McBurney's point, nausea, and loss of appetite." Mere replied opening the door to leave.

"Oh, okay." he said as she closed the door, she had almost every symptom if she came home tonight he would be surprised.

Mere called Derek from the care, luckily he answered.

"Hello." he said.

"Hey Derek it's me I am coming to the hospital, meet me outside the ER."

"Why?"

"I will tell you when I get there." she said and hung up. Alyssa cried out in pain and continued to whimper. "Shhh baby it's alright your pain's gonna be gone soon."

"I want it to be gone now Mommy," Lyss wailed.

"I know, just hold on a little longer."

She arrived at the hospital minutes later with a frantic daughter in her arms meeting Derek who ran down as fast as he could when she called.

"What's wrong?" he said taking Alyssa from Meredith.

"She has a fever, has been throwing up, and her side hurts." Mere replied.

"Appendicitis?" he whispered so his terrified daughter couldn't hear.

"Appendicitis," Mere sighed.

Derek held Lyss closely before running into the ER. Lyss cried out.

"Shh," Derek soothed as they put her down on an empty bed in the ER and had a nurse page Doctor Bailey. Even though it was against the rules to treat your child Meredith and Derek started getting the blood test ready to check her white count. The only reason they didn't wait for Bailey was because she had been keeping this from them all day and if it is appendicitis they would have to act fast.

"Okay Lyss now I am sorry but I have to take some blood with a needle." Meredith began gently grabbing her arm.

"No!" Alyssa said pulling her arm back.

"Sweetie if you want the pain to go away we need it, so be a big girl and you can squeeze Daddy's hand as hard as you want."

Alyssa nodded and braced herself closing her eyes and grabbing Derek's hand. Meredith cautiously got the needle and cleaned her arm off with the alcohol. She brought the needle up to her arm began to enter the needle into the vein. Alyssa's body tensed up and her eyes squeezed shut her arm turning white from squeezing Derek's hand.

Taking out the needle Meredith said, "There you go all done." she said rubbing the injection sight gently. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Lyss shook her head. She gave it to a nurse to get the tests results as Dr. Bailey came up to the Shepherd's.

"So you decide to get your daughter's blood test yourself, well I guess it's no harm." she said sarcastically, "So Miss Alyss what seems to be the problem?"

"She has a fever, nausea, and pain in her right abdomen." Derek answered for her. He was sitting next to her as she cried softly into his chest.

"I was talking to your daughter McDreamy but thanks." Bailey said. "So Lyss we are gonna get the test results and get you into a room, okay?"

"Kay,"Alyssa nodded as Derek picked her up. Bailey got her into a open room and waited for the tests results. Alyssa was still crying while Mere and Derek tried to quiet her.

"You are being so brave sweetie, it will all be over soon." Derek said holding her.

Meredith helped her into her hospital gown and then she realized Izzie and Lexie were at the door.

"Izzie, Lexie hey." Mere said walking toward them leaving Derek with Lyss.

"Hey I saw Bailey in the hallway she told me bout Lyss." Izzie said.

"Yeah appendicitis, well maybe but that sucks either way." Lexie says.

"And Lyss being young... well, it isn't good," Izzie sighed.

"Yeah." Mere said sadly and saw Bailey in the corner of her eye. She went up to her and grabbed the test results.

"Who's scrubbing in on her surgery, and if you say George I will have to kill you."

"Don't worry, Lexie is." Bailey said amused but could understand her mother's protection over her daughter.

"Good, I'll tell her and Derek okay."

"Sure I'll get the OR."

Mere turned around and into her daughter's room, she looked at Derek and he started to explain to her. "Hey Sweetie," he said to her gently. Lyss turned her wide teary green eyes to Derek. "You know the pain in your side it's something called your appendix. Your appendix is hurt. They need to take it out to make your tummy better. That means your gonna need surgery."

"No I don't want surgery Daddy." she said weakly getting tired.

"Don't worry baby it's just like your taking a long nap," Mere said stoking her face gently, Derek taking her hand. "When you wake up you will feel all better."

Alyssa was hesitant at first but eventually nodded and hugged Derek tightly. Then Lexie came in slowly nodding to Derek and Meredith.

"Hey Lyss." Lexie said, "It's time to prep you for surgery, I have to insert an IV now." she said motioning to the bag that was next to the bed. Alyssa nodded and took Derek's hand and squeezed it tightly as the needle entered her vein.

"I'll be back in a second to take you to surgery, okay," Lexie said.

"Okay Aunt Lexie." she said and looked at Meredith and Derek who were sitting at the edge of her bed.

"Mommy, Daddy are you gonna operate on me." she asked looking up at them with her big green eyes.

"No sweetie I'm sorry, but Aunt Lexie and Aunt Bailey are gonna be in there." Meredith said softly her heart breaking at the sight of her in pain.

"But your doctors why can't you," she said whimpering.

"Because the doctors here don't let Mommy's and Daddy's operate on their children," Derek told her gently.

"Oh," she said beginning to cry. Derek wiped the tears away as Meredith looked sadly at her.

"Sweetie don't cry, I needed my appendix out a couple of years ago, but Daddy couldn't operate on me, he's not that kind of surgeon and neither am I," she explained.

"I'm afraid it will hurt," she cried.

"Don't worry sweetie it only hurts for a little." she said, "And it only leaves a small scar, see," she said lifting up her shirt to reveal a small scar.

"Oh, okay." she said quietly.

Lexie entered the room and told them that it is time to take her to the OR. Lexie wheeled her down Meredith and Derek holding her hand the entire way and stroking her face. Lexie arrived to the point where the family had to leave, she looked at Meredith and Derek and they bent down beside Lyss.

"Sweetie," Mere said. "Me and Daddy have to leave now."

"No!" she cried wrapping her arms around Meredith. "Don't leave me Mommy." she began to cry.

"Shhh Sweetie Mommy and Daddy will be right outside and will be there when you wake up, I promise," Derek said stroking the back of her hand.

"No don't leave me Mommy!" Lyss was sobbing now clutching onto Meredith for dear life.

"Lyss baby don't cry, you have to get your belly fixed," Meredith said.

"But I'm scared!" she cried. Mere looked at Lexie and nodded.

"Would you feel better if Mommy was in there Lyss," Mere said. Lyss nodded.

"Okay then," Derek said. "I will wait out here and be there when you wake up okay Lyss."

"Promise."

"Promise."

"Pinky swear," Lyss said sticking out her pinky.

"Pinky swear." Derek smiled sadly and twined his pinky with hers.

"Love you daddy." she said letting go of Meredith.

"Love you too sweetie," he said and kissed her on her head before Lexie wheeled her out of sight.

In the OR Mere bent down beside Mere and whispered comforting words as they prepped her.

"Okay Lyss, you ready to go to sleep?" Mere asked. Lyss nodded tears still streaming down her face.

"I love you Mommy."

"I love you too baby." Mere wiped her own tears and Lyss's before the anesthesiologist put a mask over her face.

"Can you count up to ten for us?" Meredith asked. Lyss nodded.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5...." Mere watched as Lyss's eyes slowly closed.

"Meredith," Miranda said. "It's time for you to go." Mere nodded and sighed leaving the OR.

Outside the OR Meredith called Mark to see how he was doing with the kids. Luckily most of them were in bed so she told him that he could crash on the couch and that her and Derek won't be home until tomorrow. A half an hour later Alyssa was still not out of surgery and appendectomy's usually only take 20 minutes barring any complications. Her and Derek just sat outside waiting for her to be wheeled out.

"Derek?" Meredith whispered, looking at the clock. "It's been forty minutes.... they aren't done."

"Mere," Derek sighed. "She's only 6... the younger patients are..."

"I know, I know," Meredith whispered. "It doesn't make me any less scared."

20 minutes later Bailey came out an explained what happened.

"Because she stuck with it all day the infection made the appendix swell and caused some complications," she began."Everything went well after that, the scar will just be a little bigger."

"Thank god." Mere breathed and twined her hand with Derek's. Just then Alyssa was wheeled out of the OR and they followed her to recovery and eventually her room where they waited for her to wake up.

"Mommy, Daddy..." she said groggily her eyes opening slowly.

"Hey baby, everything went fine and the pain should be gone." Mere said to her stroking her face gently.

She tried to sit up but winced in pain, Derek gently pushed her back down. "Daddy, I thought you said the pain's gone."

"The place where the stitches are is gonna hurt for a while but it will get better," Derek explained kissing her gently on the forehead and rubbed her arm. Alyssa yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"Why don't you go to sleep Lyss, it's late and you only got out of surgery an hour ago," she gently told her.

"Okay Mommy, love you, love you too Daddy." she said.

"Bye sweetie, love you too." Derek said kissing her head.

"Love you baby." Mere said stroking her face and hair.

She fell asleep and Derek and Meredith locked eyes.

"I hope we never have to do this again." Derek said holding Mere close kissing her.

"Agreed Derek, never again." Mere said collapsing in the chair next to her bed.

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**What do you like better? Noah Marcus Shepherd, Braeden Richard Shepherd, Todd Peter Shepherd, Caleb Richard Shepherd, Matthew Davis Shepherd, Logan Michael Shepherd, or Ryan Patrick Shepherd.**

**(Sorry bout all the ideas but you'd be surprised that for a girl who does as much as I do I actually have a lot of time on my hands. Also I have had a lot of private messages with ideas for the 7th name. Can you tell I had trouble choosing now it's up to you.)**

**Oh yeah please no more suggestions haha D**

**Please R&R!!**


	9. Chapter 9: Costumes and Lost Children

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or character's, only those that you don't know.

This is a week later Meredith and Derek have been babying her all week and now it's close to Halloween. Meredith and Derek begin to lose their grip on Alyssa again and it starts in the mall where they are shopping for Halloween costumes. I think you can probably guess what happens.

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Meredith walked into Alyssa's room and woke her gently. Alyssa groaned and turned over.

"Five more minutes Mommy," she said into her pillow pulling the covers over her head.

"Come on Lyss wake up, it's time for school," she shook her gently and pulled the covers off of her head. "If you don't get up that means we can't go get you a Halloween costume today and you know what that means. No school Halloween party and no trick-or-treating."

Immediately Alyssa hopped up out of bed making Meredith laugh. Alyssa bent down to pick up a shirt but winced and held her stomach where the pink scar from the appendectomy was.

"Lyss you okay?" Mere said rushing over to her daughter.

"Yeah it still hurts that's all," Alyssa replied and continued to get ready. Mere woke up the rest of the Shepherd gang and went downstairs to find Derek making eggs.

"Someone's going all out for breakfast," Mere said amused kissing him on the cheek.

"I felt in the mood for some eggs, so I decided to be a good father and cook them for my family too," he said laughing kissing Meredith back.

"Oh so that's why," she said turning to pour some orange juice.

Alyssa and Hayley came running downstairs with Sophia a few seconds behind and Paige struggling to get her sock on. They ran over to the kitchen counter where their lunches Mere made were sitting, grabbed them, put them in their bags and sat down.

"Good Morning Daddy!" Alyssa said as Derek came over to put the eggs on the table.

"Hey Lyss how you feeling?" he asked kissing her head.

"I'm fine Daddy it's been a week," Lyss said laughing.

"Oh really," he said while kissing Sophia, Paige, and Hayley good morning.

"Yeah Daddy," Hayley said. "She can't stop saying how much of a fuss you guys make when she feels fine."

"Oh okay then," Derek laughed and Meredith joined in. Jake was coming down the stairs and sat at the table, Kelsey followed more slowly still not mastering going down the steps.

"Hey Jake, hey Kels," Derek said as Mere was helping Kelsey in her booster chair.

"Morning Daddy!" Kelsey said and Jake chorused. All the kids ate their breakfast at the table while Mere and Derek ate at the kitchen counter stealing kisses every few minutes. Outside the horn of the bus honked. Immediately Alyssa, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige rushed to the door picking their back packs up on the way.

"Bye Mom! Bye Daddy!" they all said running out the door and hopping on the bus.

"Bye girls," Meredith and Derek said standing at the door waving as the bus rolled away from the house.

On the bus the girls went their separate ways, Alyssa sitting next to Brittany who was sitting in front of Ava and Nikki, who were sitting across the isle from Becca and Hannah. The six best friends were lucky to live near each other and go on the same bus.

"Hey Lyss," they all said.

"So hows your stomach?" Hannah said always being the most sympathetic out of all of them.

"It's fine," she laughed. "Your almost as bad as my Mom and Dad."

"Sorry, it's just we knew that you didn't feel good on the trip." Hannah began.

"And we kinda feel bad we didn't do anything," Britt finished.

"Well, I'm fine now," Alyssa said terminating the conversation. The girls giggled and moved on to the next topic. The entire way to school they gossiped, laughed and told stories. When they got into school they walked to their classroom where Mrs. Reed stopped Alyssa.

"So how is your stomach Alyssa?" she asked concerned. Becca, Ava, Britt, Hannah, and Nikki giggled as Alyssa tried not to roll her eyes.

"It feels much better, thanks for asking," she responded with a fake smile.

"Well if you feel you need to go to the nurse to lay down or something just tell me okay," Mrs. Reed said returning the smile.

"Will do," Alyssa said wishing her mom and dad had not called the school and explained every detail. She turned around to the girls' desks which were conveniently located near each other laughing. They kept laughing the way through morning announcements earning a stern glare from Mrs. Reed. The rest of the day was boring except when Mrs. Reed began handing the sign-up sheets to bring in supplies for the Halloween party and explained that everyone needed to where their costumes.

"What are you gonna sign up for?" Ava whispered in Alyssa's ear.

"I'll sign up for cupcakes," she decided putting her name on the list.

After that it was time for recess where the girls played tag until they collapsed on the ground laughing. After that they climbed on the monkey bars until Mrs. Reed blew the whistle signaling recess was over. They ran over and waited in line to be let back in and they went to lunch. The day went quickly and pretty soon it was time to go home. The girls hopped onto their bus and talked and giggled until it was time for Alyssa to get off the bus.

She met her Mom and Dad out there and went inside quickly. Putting her bag down she went over to Meredith who was talking to Derek.

"Mommy," she said to her.

"Yeah sweetheart," Mere said.

"Everyone had to sign up for something to bring into the party on Friday and I signed us up for cupcakes, is that okay," Lyss asked.

"Sure Lyss we can make them Thursday night, just you and me okay," she told her daughter ruffling her straight blonde hair.

"Okay!" she said excitedly and ran over to the couch to wait to go shopping for Halloween costumes. Pretty soon the Shepherd family was off to the mall and into the Halloween Outlet. Mere had trouble keeping track of her kids who were running everywhere saying 'Mommy I want this' 'Mommy I want that'. Pretty soon Derek had to intervene.

"Guys don't hound your mother, pick out your favorite costume and try it on, if we approve you can get it." he said.

"Okay!" they all said and began rummaging through the costumes. They were running back and forth between the dressing room and the costume racks. By the end Sophia had picked out a witch costume, Hayley picked out a cat costume, Paige picked out a statue of liberty costume, Alyssa picked out a princess costume, Jake picked out a surgeon costume, and Mere picked out a bunny costume for Kels.

Derek kept an eye on the kids while Mere went to go pay for them.

"Are you sure those are the costumes you want?" he asked the kids and they all nodded yes.

The Shepherd's left the store when Paige said, "Daddy I have to go to the bathroom." Alyssa and Sophia agreed so they stopped for a potty break. They were quickly in and out but unfortunately they forgot one thing, Alyssa. She came out of the stall and noticed her family was gone, frantically she rushed outside to realize that they were not there either. Sitting down and crying a mall security officer came over and bent beside her.

"Hey sweetie are you lost?" he asked.

Alyssa nodded and started crying, "I want my Mommy and Daddy."

"We're gonna find them, can you tell me your name?" he asked.

"Alyssa Shepherd," she said quietly.

The officer grabbed her hand and began walking toward customer service area. He talked into the walkie tallkie telling them about the situation. Meanwhile Meredith and Derek led the kids to the car, they strapped them all in but Mere realized something was wrong. Almost immediately she began sprinting back inside, Derek realized what had happened and sat down angrily not wanting to leave his kids alone.

Inside Mere ran to the customer service area. "Excuse me!" she yelled frantically. "My daughter got lost can you help me find her!"

"Sure Ma'am there was a lost child found near the bathroom and officer is bringing her over now, maybe it's her." a lady at the front desk said not looking up from her computer. Mere began to pace and looked up as an officer was leading a scared, crying blonde girl with green eyes over to her.

"ALYSSA!" she screamed running over to her crying.

"Mommy!" she screamed letting go of the officers hand and running over. Mere picked her up holding her close stroking her hair.

"Baby, I'm sorry it will never happen again," she said trying to stop her daughter's crying almost as much as her own. "Thank you officer," she said to him and walked back to the car apologizing to Alyssa over and over. Derek met them and hugged Alyssa as she finally stopped crying. The Shepherd's rode home in silence Derek and Meredith glaring at each other angrily trying to hide it from their children. At home they put them all to bed apologizing to Alyssa over and over.

Downstairs Derek and Meredith were staring angrily at each other.

"Don't you dare just blame me Derek!" Mere glared at him, "This was your fault to!"

"I wasn't the one in the ladies room!" he yelled.

"Well you could have noticed!" she screamed tears streaming down her face.

"You could have noticed!"

"Like I said just don't blame me!"

"Meredith!"

"Derek!"

"I am not sleeping on the couch!"

"Fine then I will!"

"Fine!"

"Asshole!" Mere muttered and went over to the couch.

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Not that eventful, just shows how they keep forgetting Lyss. Will get better, promise.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10: Cupcakes and Candy Feuds

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

Okay so it's Halloween Meredith forgot to make Alyssa's cupcakes, but of course she remembered Hayley's brownies, Paige's rice krispy treats, and Jake and Sophia's candy. She settled for bought cupcakes (key word Meredith did, not Alyssa). They take the kids out trick-or-treating until Kels and Jake get tired. Mere takes them home. Imagine what happens when she tries to take Lyss home too who is already mad about the cupcakes.

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"The bus is outside waiting Lyss, now take the cupcakes and go!" Meredith told her pouting daughter who was looking at the store bought cupcakes her mother were holding.

"But Mommy you promised we would make the cupcakes together." Alyssa cried.

"Sorry sweetie but their wasn't enough time, now go before the bus leaves without you," she said sternly at her daughter holding out the cupcakes once again.

"FINE!" she screamed and snatched the cupcakes from her mother's hands and ran out, well more like stormed out to the bus.

When the door slammed behind her Derek gave Meredith a look until she slapped him in the arm and turned away.

"Don't even start Derek!" she said trying to avoid a fight.

"Did you see her face Mere." he said raising his voice slightly.

"So it's impossible for you to make cupcakes now is that it?" Mere said sarcastically.

"That's not the point you promised!" he said even louder.

"Now Derek stop, I don't wanna fight again, at least not today, PLEASE!" Mere pleaded and walked away. The past week they had fought constantly starting with them forgetting Lyss at the mall.

"Now look who's walking away," Derek muttered as Mere turned around and gave him a cold stare.

On the bus Alyssa was showing off her costume to her friends as they were doing the same. They would get dressed in class and march in a parade to show the parents their costumes. Lyss hoped Mere would be there, she promised. Of course that's just another thing she promised Lyss though looking down at the orange and black iced cupcakes she held. The bus let them off in school and throughout the day until the parade they did fun things involving Halloween. Like ghost math, spelling Halloween words, that kind of thing.

Pretty soon it was time to change and Alyssa got quickly into her Belle costume that even had a tiara. Her friends costumes varied from witches, ghosts, and princess outfits like hers.

The girls all lined up together and got ready to walk as the kindergarten class that Jake was in was done parading past their room. Outside there was a sea of parents taking pictures and calling for their children. Smiling and waving Lyss searched the crowd for Meredith but never found her. A tear rolled down her cheek but she pushed it away as they continued inside for their party. Before Jake went into his class Lyss caught up with him.

"Jake did you see Mommy?" she asked.

"Yeah, she took a picture of me," he said while smiling. Alyssa ran into the room crying trying to not let Mrs. Reed noticed. Her friends noticed.

"Lyss what's wrong?" Becca asked.

"Nothing, forget about it," she said pushing away her tears. Her friends shrugged and went to the food line Alyssa following. She carefully ignored her cupcakes and put a multitude of food on her plate.

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When Alyssa got home later that afternoon she brushed past Meredith who were showing the kids the pictures she took of them. Of course they forgot her. I am not the oldest, I am not the youngest, I am not the twins, I am just Alyssa, who cares about Alyssa she thought. She went upstairs and got ready for dinner. Derek was home a few minutes later so they finished dinner fast and got ready for trick-or-treating. Alyssa came down in her princess costume. Aunt Izzie was there with Alison, Dylan, and Michael.

"Why doesn't someone look cute," Izzie said kissing Lyss's forehead.

"Thank you Aunt Izzie," she said smiling. She never felt left out with Aunt Izzie, Aunt Christina, or Aunt Lexie, they always made time for everyone.

"I wish we were going trick-or-treating with you," Alison said. She was the same age as Lyss but they were in different classes. She had a cat costume on, Dylan had a witch costume.

"Me too," she said hugging Ali. The girls talked for a little until Izzie came up to them.

"Well we gotta go," Izzie said as Alex came from the kitchen.

"Bye!" Lyss said feeling special none of her brother and sisters got to see them.

"See ya," Ali and Dylan said.

Soon the Shepherd family was all downstairs and after a few pictures, and leaving the candy bowl outside they were on the move. After a half an hour their bags were half full making Mere and Derek so happy. They made up this morning so it was actually peaceful. An hour later it started to get dark and after trying to keep up with rambunctious Alyssa, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige running to house to house ringing the doorbell. Kelsey and Jake began to get tired. Mere was about to go home when Derek suggested, "Why don't you take Lyss too."

"WHAT!?" Lyss said loudly staring defiantly at her father. "Why, Paige, Phia, and Hayley are gonna stay with you."

"Well you are younger sweetie.." Mere started until cut off by Lyss.

"By one year Mommy it's not fair!" she whined. The next two minutes the two fought it out while Lyss was obviously still upset about the cupcakes which Mere didn't get.

"Derek just take her along too." .

"Fine, let's go girls," Derek said turning to walk further down the street

Alyssa crossed her arms and walked behind Derek. How could they do this to her isn't it bad enough. She let out a sigh and ran to catch up to Hayley, Paige, and Sophia who were already ringing the next doorbell.

When they got home a half an hour later they were loaded with candy. The girls dumped out their bags as Kels and Jake came downstairs in their pajamas. Kelsey looked unhappily at the large mounds of candy.

"Mommy, I want that much!" she whined and pouted. She reached for Alyssa's pile which was the closest but her hand was knocked away by Lyss.

"No! This is my candy!" she yelled at her sister who began to cry.

"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd!" Meredith yelled as Derek picked Kelsey up narrowing his eyes at Lyss. "That's not nice, is it so bad to share with your sister."

"But I got this candy myself." Alyssa whined.

"You would have never gotten it if we hadn't taken you out," Mere said bending down to hand Kelsey a handful of her candy.

Alyssa stared at her in disbelief, then looked over at the others who just shrugged. Why hadn't they taken any of theirs away it's not fair. Without thinking she just stomped upstairs tears threatening to fall. The past two years had been a tough change for her. Meredith turns to follow her but hears her door slam. If she is gonna act like this she can suffer the consequences Mere thought looking at the pile of candy. She picked it up and dumped into her bowl making sure she puts some of it in the other children's bowl.

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Some of you may think Lyss is overreacting but remember she is 6. Next chapter is about two years later.


	11. Chapter 11:Report Cards and Field Hockey

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

This is about two years later then the last chapter. It is the last day of school and Lyss is ending third grade. This would make Sophia about 11, Hayley and Paige about 9 1/2, Lyss about 8 1/2, Jake about 7 1/2, and Kelsey about 4.

(BTW: Their brother is coming next year but that won't be for a least two chapters.)

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Mere waits for her kids outside. She had just picked up Kelsey from pre-school and Mere groaned at the thought of having her kids everyday while her and Derek had more hours of work. Not only that but Lyss was having Becca, Ali, Brittany, Ava, Nikki, and Hannah sleep over today so they were coming home with her.

She snapped her attention back to the rode when she heard the bus's brakes squeal. Out of the bus first comes Sophia, then Hayley and paige right behind them, Jake, and Alyssa with all her friends coming out last. Immediately she was practically tackled by her kids who were waving their report cards in her face. She had to remember Jake had O's, S+'s, S's, S-'s and N's, while her girls had the standard A's, B's, C's and so on.

Grabbing Sophia's first she saw she had 6 A's and 2 B's, Hayley had all A's but one B, Paige had the same as Sophia, Jake had four O's, 1 S+, and 3 S's, and like always Alyssa had all A's. Although Mere didn't realize this she stove hard for the A's so Mere and Derek would recognize her for it. Unfortunately it never worked.

"Well done, all of you," Mere said winking at Lyss who had the perfect report card. "Come on lets go inside, come on girls," she added to Lyss's friends who were standing on the outskirts of the group.

"Hey Mom," Lyss said. "Guess what!"

"What Lyss?" Mere asked.

"We got these papers," she began holding it up for Mere to take it. "It gives us a bunch of things we can do in the summer, like intramural leagues. My friends and I talked about the entire way and everyone but Ali wants to play field hockey. It sounds fun!"

"Sweetie this is a big commitment we will talk about it later," she said scanning the paper to look where Alyssa circled the field hockey advertisement, she also noticed and drama and singing camp circled. "Lyss there's something else here, drama?"

"I was getting to that, that's what me and Ali find interesting," she said.

"Well that is a definite Lyss, all your sisters are getting tired of hearing you sing around the house," Mere said smiling while Alyssa and her friends laughed.

"You know what, I will talk to you father and maybe you can do both," she said. "Why don't you girls go up to your room okay."

"Okay!" they all chorused and ran fast up to her room. Her room was painted a light purple with pink ballet shoes bordering the walls. She had a barre halfway lining one wall which was next to her dresser. She had a small twin sized canopy bed that had a comforter that was purple and had a large pointe shoe on it. In front of the barre Derek put a hard wood floor so Lyss could practice tap without damaging any of the floors in the house. Her carpet was a light pink. She had a large closet that had Wicked and other broadway show posters on it and a small T.V across from her bed. I guess it pays off to have two surgeons for parents.......sometimes.

Downstairs Meredith was trying to control Kelsey from coloring on the walls while Sophia was in her room, while Jake watched cartoons, and Hayley and Paige were playing ball outside. In Alyssa's room the girls put the T.V on a talked.

"So do you think you're parents will say yes Lyss?" Becca asked. "Cause I know mine will."

"I hope this is a way for us all to be together, although we are together a lot anyway," Lyss said.

"Well whatever happens at least we do hang out with each other a lot," Ali said.

"You're just happy cause Lyss's Mom already said yes about drama and singing camp and we all know you're mom will definitely say yes, as long as you can convince your dad," Hannah teased.

"So", Ali said and the girls began to laugh.

"So Britt do you think you're parents will say yes?" Ava asked. "Because my mom has been trying to get me to do something so it's a definite for me."

"Same," Nikki agreed.

"Probably, how much does it cost again." Britt asked.

"100 dollars each," Lyss said looking out the window.

"Then it's almost definite," she replied.

"So it's a definite for everyone but you Lyss, and Ali of course but she has drama," Becca said.

"Well at least I have that, but you know how my parents are, high powered careers and what not, you never know what they are thinking." Lyss said rolling her eyes.

"Hey my parents are surgeons too, your mom's best friends," Ali said.

"Aunt Izzie, and Uncle Alex don't count, they have three kids including you and Dylan is 14 years old." Lyss said sticking out her tongue at Ali. "My parents have six, and the oldest is 11, it's much different."

"Whatever," Britt said. "Now are you gonna show as your jazz dance or what." Alyssa had added another class on this year and was adding modern next year. Now she took jazz, ballet, and tap.

"Sure, you wanna see all three?" she asked.

"Why not tap and jazz," Nikki answered for them and they all quickly agreed.

She got up to turn the music on and the song "Waiting for Tonight" begins to play. Alyssa begin dancing and three minutes later the song ended and she ends with her hands on her hips her leg popped out. The girls begin to clap as Lyss puts on her tap shoes. She puts on another song that is unrecognized by the girls a she begins to tap. One, two, three and four, five, six, seven, eight. Mere hears her tapping and quickly gets dinner out of the oven and rushes up to watch her daughter. By the time she is finished she is out of breath and the girls begin to clap, Meredith the loudest.

"Wow Lyss, can't wait for your recital next week," she said. "It's time to eat, so Lyss get your shoes off."

"Okay!" the girls said and ran down the stairs. Derek came in and hugged all his children hello, waved to Lyss's friends except for Ali who came up to hug him saying, "Uncle Derek," and kissed Mere on the cheek.

Before dinner was finished Mere said, "Lyss me and your dad were thinking about it and we think both the camp's are a good idea."

"Yes!" Lyss said joined by her friends.

"You all realize it is a big commitment," Derek said cautiously.

"We know Daddy," Lyss said getting up to hug her parents.

"I just hope you stay with it," Mere teased.

"Yeah Lyss," Sophia said.

"You do have a lot of things to do," Hayley said.

"I know but I will stay with it thank you so much!" she said getting up from the table grabbing her plate followed by her friends.

The rest of the sleepover the girls talked, played games, watched movies, normal sleepover stuff.

The next day the family went out since it was the first weekend of the summer and they decided to spend the day together. The first thing they did was go to the sports store to get Alyssa a hockey stick and shin guards. Using the instructions they got her a Brine Taiga 3.0 Youth Field Hockey Stick and shin guards. Extremely happy after that Lyss didn't care what they did the rest of the day. The family went to the mall, the pool, and rode the ferry. Derek even convinced them to go fishing the next day. That means they would get up at 5:00 a.m which Lyss, Jake and Hayley were thrilled about. Everyone else didn't really care, especially Meredith. At this moment the family looked perfect, how much would that change in 5 years?

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This chapter showed how Mere and Derek were sometimes able to balance the attention given to the kids but also how Alyssa threw herself in everything possible. Now she does field hockey, drama, singing, and soon to be four classed, and even was able to balance her grades too. Meredith and Derek still had no clue how much she was pushing herself and how hard she was working and she is only going into 4TH GRADE!!!!!!!!!!

What do you like better? I have narrowed it down to Noah Marcus Shepherd, or Caleb Richard Shepherd. (can switch middle names) HELP ME PICK PLZ!!!!!!!!!! I can't decide (not the kind of person who can pay attention long enough to think about it and make a wise decision)

Please R&R!!


	12. Chapter 12: Fishing Trip Part 1

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

Okay this chapter is the next day, the fishing trip they talked about. Now you can probably guess what will happen because with this family there is pretty much a guarantee that something will go wrong and it most likely involves the "middle child."

(BTW: Their brother is coming next year but that won't be for a least two chapters.)

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The next morning Derek walked into Lyss's room at 5:00 a.m.

"Lyss, sweetie," he said gently shaking her shoulder. Mere was waking up the others. "Time to wake up, we're going fishing today." She jumped up excited, he had never taking her fishing, she didn't care that she had to get up early. Mere came in with a tired and discouraged look on her face. It was obvious she was tired and angry for getting up this early, and that her other children were less than excited.

"Someone's excited," she said amused.

"Yeah Mom," she said grabbing her clothes.

"I am guessing she's the only one with that face you have on Mere," Derek teased.

"Yes Derek part of it," Mere said. "The other part is I HAVE TO GET UP AT 5 IN THE MORNING!"

"Someone's grouchy," Derek mused kissing Mere on the cheek.

"You think," she said sarcastically attempting to wake her other children again, this time with Derek. It took them about an hour to get them all up and ready while :yss was waiting downstairs impatiently.

"Are we going now?" she asked.

"Yes sweetie come on guys," Mere said.

The Shepherd's quickly went into the car and were at the lake by 7:00. Alyssa ran out of the car dragging her father who was struggling to keep up. They rented a boat and almost immediately Alyssa hopped in. Derek grabbed her hand saying, "Whoa there Lyss, go get a life jacket from Mom then we can go out. You haven't learned...."

"Okay," she said and ran toward her mother coming back a minute later with a life jacket.

"Okay. Lets go," he said and he herded his semi-protesting family. Bringing the boat to a stop in the middle of the lake Derek got out the tackle while Mere handed fishing poles to Hayley, Paige, and Lyss. Sophia refused to do it and was sitting at the edge distracting Kelsey. Jake waited patiently because he knew one of his sisters would get bored soon and hand the pole to him. Mere kept an eye on the other kids while Derek taught the girls to cast out.

Lyss got a hang of it fast and had hook in the water almost immediately. Paige and Hayley had more trouble but after Derek helped them they did the same. Derek sat in between Lyss and Hayley and the family sat and watched the water. A half an hour later Kelsey began to get antsy.

"Mommy, I'm bored," she whined.

"A little longer sweetie," she quieted her. Paige got bored 10 minutes later and handed it to Jake who Derek took out fishing before so he was a pro at casting and waiting. All of sudden Alyssa's pole began to shake and she got excited.

"Daddy I got something," she said standing up. Derek got up behind her and helped her pull.

"Sweetie now you gotta reel it in," he told her. She did just that and a large fish popped out of the water.

"Good job Lyss," he congratulated her and unhooked the fish to show to Mere. "Look what Lyss caught Mere."

"Agh, that's wonderful," she said putting her hand up. "Now get it out of my face." She pushed it away. "Good job sweetie," she added to Lyss. Lyss looked proud until Jake reeled in one. Luckily it wasn't as big as Lyss's so she was a little happier. She even got a bigger one than Derek which made her even happier. The family was very happy until Kelsey began to cry claiming she wanted to try.

"Hey Lyss," Derek said. "Why don't you give Kels your pole?"

"But Daddy...." she whined.

"No but's Lyss," Mere said taking her pole and handing it to Kelsey. Derek helped her cast out and Mere turned to Lyss who was pouting.

"Don't give me that face Alyssa, you gotta share," Mere said sternly.

"But it's not fair,," she whined.

"Life isn't fair," Mere said. "Sit there quietly with your sisters and wait till we go in to eat lunch."

"Fine," she screamed and sat with her arms crossed. Mere rolled her eyes and focused her attention on Derek and those who were fishing. Jake soon got bored so gave it to Mere who was thrilled.

"Just cast out and stop complaining," Derek laughed and helped her. She was about to reel in a fish when she heard a scream come from behind. Jake was throwing extra bait at the girls, Alyssa the most.

"JAKE STOP!!!" Lyss screamed and jumped up shaking the boat. Kelsey screamed in terror and grabbed onto Lyss who ran near her accidently pulling off her life jacket. Meredith was trying to stop Jake who was still laughing throwing bait Mere. Lyss pushed Kelsey out of the way and into Derek and she started crying. Jake threw the rest up in the air one going towards toward Lyss. She screamed in disgust and backed up even though she was at the edge. Without her life jacket on she fell back into the water with a scream.

The one big problem was besides Kelsey Lyss was the only one of the kids who never learned how to swim.

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This chapter just eggs on a little of Lyss's unfair treatment. Mere could have taken Jake's pole who was bored, and they taught everyone else but her how to swim. And now she is in the water.

What do you like better? I have narrowed it down to Noah Marcus Shepherd, or Caleb Richard Shepherd. (can switch middle names) HELP ME PICK PLZ!!!!!!!!!! I can't decide (not the kind of person who can pay attention long enough to think about it and make a wise decision)

Please R&R!!


	13. Chapter 13: Fishing Trip Part 2

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

Yeah I know how I ended that chapter but think about it, it can't be the end. So uh where was I, okay she is in the water not able to swim, what will Meredith and Derek do?

(BTW: Their brother is coming next year but that won't be for a least another two chapters.)

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Derek sat their motionless watching his daughter splash around helplessly in the water only to end up disappearing in the water.

"DEREK DO SOMETHING!" Mere screamed clutching her now terrified kids. Derek never got a chance to respond as he dove head first into the water close to where Lyss disappeared. Meredith and the kids watched in an eerie silence where the both of them went under.

"Please be okay, please be okay," Mere whispered terrified tears beginning to stream down her face. Kelsey let out a whimper and Jake looked on guiltily. All of a sudden the water splashed as Derek emerged from the surface clutching a non-responsive Alyssa. She was not coughing and was scarcely breathing.

"ALYSSA!" Mere screamed as Derek placed her on the boat. He immediately began CPR while Mere turned her body away and her kids but she was shaking with fear. The only time she turned around was when she heard coughing and sputtering coming from Lyss. She turned in time to see her eyes open and she began to shake.

"Mom..... Daddy....." she cried while shivering and coughing water violently.

"Lyss," Meredith said relived coming up to her daughter taking her from Derek arms.

"Shhh it's okay Lyss," Derek soothed stroking her face and grabbing a blanket. Mere held her tightly crying while Lyss was still vomiting up water. Derek turned away to get the boat back to the shore while the other kids gathered around Lyss to warm her. They quickly gathered their fish and other supplies and got in the car. Mere got Lyss changed into a spare change of clothes to attempt to warm her up. They drove quickly to the hospital because the fact that she drowned and was unconscious scared them both. When they arrived they rushed into the ER despite Alyssa's weak protests.

"Shhh honey there is some fluid left in your lungs," Mere explained. "We're gonna get it out, we don't want you to get pneumonia okay."

"Okay," Lyss whispered as Derek sat her down in a wheelchair. Dr. Bailey walked towards the Shepherd's.

"What the heck happened I thought you had the weekend off," she started then looking down at a shivering and wet Lyss. She began coughing and sneezing too. "What the heck happened?"

"We were fishing," Derek started as Bailey rolled her concerned eyes.

"And Lyss was knocked into the water," Mere finished kneeling down beside her daughter.

"Wasn't she wearing her life jacket," Bailey frowned.

"Well this is what happened," Mere explained. "Jake started throwing bait at the girls so Alyssa got up and shook the boat. Kelsey reached out for Lyss but she jerked away and her life jacket was ripped off. Jake threw another worm at her and she fell in the water."

"Got it, now Lyss we're gonna drain the fluid after we admit you, you're gonna be fine," Bailey said and admitted Lyss into a room so they could drain the water. Derek went to get the kids who were in the car while Mere stayed with Lyss. The procedure went uncomplicated but she had a cold. They were out of the hospital soon enough and home. Jake wasn't talking to anyone and felt extremely guilty for almost killing his older sister.

Meredith and Lyss were huddled on the couch. Mere was not letting go of her daughter and although she would usually protest Lyss was fine with it. She was too tired and terrified so she hugged Mere tightly. Jake cautiously approached the two.

"I'm.... I'm sorry Lyss," Jake said two hours after they got home.

"It's okay," she said avoiding the truth. The truth is she could have probably stopped herself from falling off the edge, or stayed afloat a little longer so Derek could have gotten her before sinking under. But, there was something in her that let herself fall and sink. Somehow she knew her parents would care at that point. Now she felt guilty that Jake was feeling guilty but it worked for the next couple of days her parents babied her.

She didn't have to make her bed, barely did anything, and was the center of attention. That was until she got better. It returned to Kelsey this, Kelsey that, Lyss getting in trouble, Meredith and Derek fighting about it, them making up and forgiving her, and the cycle repeating itself.

Although it was only for a little while, Alyssa loved the attention and began to think, if she could do this more then maybe she wouldn't always be stuck in the middle.

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YES! I finally got the name of the story in the chapter. Well this chapter is pretty self explanatory so yeah. I am so happy right now. :)

What do you like better? I have narrowed it down to Noah Marcus Shepherd, or Caleb Richard Shepherd. (can switch middle names) HELP ME PICK PLZ!!!!!!!!!! I can't decide (not the kind of person who can pay attention long enough to think about it and make a wise decision)

I am leaning toward Noah Marcus but I am still reluctant because I want one of the boys to be named after Richard and there is no way I can give them another kid. So please, please, please yell me what you think.

Please R&R!!


	14. Chapter 14: Recitals and Stitches

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.**

Okay now it's a week later from the whole drowning incident and it's her recital in which meredith and derek almost forget. Luckily she gets dressed on her own and practically pushes them out the door she is late though... of course.

(BTW: Their brother is coming next year but that won't be for a least another chapter ****

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Today was the day of her recital and she was excited. Alyssa had improved greatly since the last one and Derek hasn't seen her dance since then. Also Aunt Izzie, Uncle Alex, Aunt Christina, Uncle Owen, Aunt Lexie, Uncle George, Uncle Mark, Uncle Richard, and Aunt Bailey were coming. At least if there were any injuries there would be doctors. The recital was due to start at 12:00 and Alyssa looked at the clock and realized that it was 11:00.

She quickly got dressed in her first costume, for jazz and easily put her hair up into a high pony tail. Luckily her hair had become a little naturally curly like Derek's so she didn't have to worry about that. When she looked at the clock she got worried, it was already 11:30 now. Grabbing all her stuff she runs downstairs calling for her parents.

"Mom, Dad!" she called.

"Alyssa, what?" Meredith called coming into the room.

"Are you forgetting something?" Lyss said.

"No nothing that comes to...." she began noticing her costume. "Uh... we're just about to leave."

She rushes into the kitchen and cancels the plans the family had to go to the movies. The Shepherd's are out of the house by 11:54.

"Mom, Dad," Alyssa complained. "My first number is #6."

"I know sweetie," Derek said.

"We're gonna be there in 10 minutes," Mere finished.

"Daddy, I wanna go to the movies," Kelsey whined.

"Well we are going to my recital instead," Alyssa told her meanly.

"But I don't wanna they are boring," Kelsey cried.

"Kels we all have to go, and we are cheering on Lyss," Hayley explained to her younger sister.

"I don't like Lyssa," she said crossing her arms.

Alyssa looked over at Kelsey sadly.

"Kelsey Alexis Shepherd she is your sister!" Derek and Meredith yelled at the same time. Kelsey began crying as Hayley tried to quiet her. Alyssa looked crestfallen but just turned away. Mere looked at the clock and it was 12:02. The family arrived at the recital 4 minutes later as Meredith rushed Lyss into the building and back stage where her class was gathering while Derek got the family into the auditorium next to everyone else.

"Way to go McDreamy," Christina whispered. "We're all here for your daughter and your late."

"Whatever," he said settling down as Mere came up behind him. Izzie, Christina, and Bailey gave her a look but she ignored it. The curtains closed then opened again with Alyssa's class on the stage Lyss in the front.. "Waiting for Tonight" began to play. Throughout the dance Alyssa was in the front smiling brightly. After it was over a thunder of commotion came from the section where her family was. Alyssa looked over and smiled even bigger before the curtains closed.

Mere went back to help her get her ballet outfit and put her hair up into a bun. She left and got there in time to watch her ballet dance and again a chorus of Yeah Lyss's, and Way to Go's came from the left of the stage. Meredith didn't have to go back to help her next because her hair stayed in a bun. She easily got into her costume and waited. Her parents went back during intermission and her next dance was right after it.

The unidentified upbeat song began to play as a bunch of girls came tapping out on the stage. This was Lyss's favorite dance and easiest so she smiled constantly. Yet again a chorus of congratulations came from the section but when she looked over Mere and Derek weren't there. Neither was Kelsey. She found out later that she had a temper tantrum and they carried her out. But at that moment Alyssa began to cry, but luckily the curtains closed.

Lyss thought they missed the entire dance. When she came out for he finale she was still upset but not that bad since they were there for that. Afterwards she came out from back stage where there were many picture and flowers waiting for her.

Everything was fine until it came to a crumble back at home. Kelsey began to cry saying she wanted to go to the movies.

"Be quiet Kelsey, we will see the movie another time," Lyss said harshly. "Today was about me." Kelsey stuck out her tongue. Alyssa got really mad and nudged her gently. Purposefully Kelsey fell on the floor and began to cry. Meredith and Derek came running in.

"Kelsey what happened?" Derek asked.

"Lyssa hit me," she cried as Derek picked her up.

"I did not!" Lyss protested.

"Yes you did!" Kelsey wailed and clutched onto Derek's neck. Lyss didn't miss the evil smile she gave before burying her face in his shirt. "Daddy why is Lyssa lying?"

"But it's not fair, all she did was complain," she whined.

"Too bad, you hit her so life's not fair," Derek said.

"But..." she said.

"Not but's Alyssa Danielle," Mere said sternly. Alyssa screamed and tried to stomp upstairs until grabbed by Derek.

"Alyssa if your gonna act like this, you will be punished accordingly," Mere said.

"BUT I DIDN'T HIT HER!" Lyss screamed.

"Lyss your grounded!" Derek said loudly. Alyssa looked at her parents amazed, an hour ago she was so happy and they were so proud of her. She started to cry and ran up to her room. What a start for the summer in the Shepherd household. Kelsey went upstairs an hour later and barged into Lyss's room.

"I wanna play with your dolls," she whined picking one up.

"No!" Lyss screamed taking it from her.

"Yes!" Kelsey screamed. She yanked it back and threw it at Lyss. Alyssa backed up and tripped. She fell into the post of her bed and hit it hard. She let out a loud scream and began to cry as she felt blood running down her forehead. Derek and Meredith came running in expecting to see Kelsey crying but noticed it was Lyss and she was bleeding.

"Sweetie what happened," Mere said running up to her daughter's side. Lyss turned away and continued crying obviously still mad. Derek kneeled down beside her, turned her face towards him, and despite her protest examined her forehead.

"Looks like someone's gonna need stitches," he said putting a towel up to her head where she winced. "Come on I will take you." he said helping her up.

Alyssa stopped crying and followed Derek. Mere quickly stopped them.

"Wait Derek let's get the story straight," she said. "Kelsey said you just fell."

"No," Lyss said, not surprised her sister would lie. "She came in and took one of my dolls I took it back but she yanked it from me. Then she threw it at me, I backed up, and fell."

"Then Kels lied," Mere said as Lyss nodded.

"Well I'll go talk to her, feel better sweetie, see you when you get back," Mere said kissing her lightly on the head.

"Bye Mom," she said following Derek to the car. In the back seat while she pressed the towel to her head she smiled. Despite the pain she was happy. She stole their hearts right back. It worked again and this reassured Lyss that she could keep doing this. She could have easily not tripped. Playing along Lyss let out a whimper to let Derek comfort her even more. This would not only win her points, but get Kels in trouble and probably get ungrounded.

Lyss thought that she could keep doing this but soon it wouldn't work. Soon they pulled into the hospital parking lot and Derek held Lyss's hand as they entered a needle into her head. Soon it was finished and he took Lyss out for ice cream. But when they got back Lyss was surprised to see Kelsey downstairs watching television.

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Yet another example of what I had been explaining the past few chapters. ENJOY!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	15. Chapter 15: Sleepovers and Anniversaries

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

I am giving you some Mer/Der finally, kinda what they think of the kids, and what they do without them. This is one of many chapter I promise.

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Lyss looked in the mirror at the stitches that now lined her forehead. Her eyes were narrowed in anger as she saw her brother and sisters play outside including Kelsey. The one who made her crack her head open. She was still grounded even after Kelsey lied. The whole plan had worked for about 2 seconds which was by the time she got home. All Kelsey got was a time out because she was Mommy and Daddy's perfect little angel and she could never do anything that bad. That was how it was with everyone. Jake is the only boy so he has a special bond with Derek. Sophia is the oldest and the twins are special because they are twins. I am just Alyssa she thought stuck in the middle.

Today was Meredith and Derek's anniversary so luckily she was allowed to have a sleepover at Aunt Izzie and Uncle Alex's. That meant she got to spend the day with Ali. She was all packed so she just sat down. Derek and Meredith took out her TV so she could have time to think.

"It's not fair," she muttered. "Kelsey threw my doll at me. They always only punish me." She threw a pillow across the room with an angry grunt.

"Come on Lyss," Mere called from downstairs. "Time to go to Aunt Izzie's." Lyss grabbed her stuff and ran downstairs ignoring her parents. They got the rest of their kids rounded up and walked over next door bag in hand.

"Hey guys," Izzie said when Meredith and Derek left. "What do you wanna do for the rest of the day?"

"I don't know," Sophia said while Lyss shrugged and turned to talk to Ali. They started their drama camp last week and they had a lot to talk abut so Iz and Alex didn't worry bout them. Dylan, Sophia, Hayley and Paige went to her room, Michael and Jake went to his room, so Izzie spent her time with Kelsey.

Meanwhile Mere and Derek went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant. "Do you feel bad for Izzie and Alex with our crew over there," Mere said while laughing.

"They'll live they can handle Dylan, Ali, and Michael." Derek said while twirling his spaghetti looking into Mere's eyes.

"Yeah they can handle three but, three plus our six, that's nine Derek, and....." Mere said looking worried.

"And Lyss is pretty upset and could act out or her too," Derek finished understanding.

"I just don't know what's wrong Derek," Mere said sadly looking down in her food.

"I know Mere," he said coming over to kiss her. "Whatever it is, we will get through it."

"I hope so," she said leaning her head on Derek's chest.

"Come on," Derek said walking back to his seat. "Let's finish dinner and we can continue our night." They quickly finished dinner but ignored dessert. They got the check and left to go to the next destination. The two went onto the ferry boat and immediately went to the top deck. It was not raining so they sat on a bench and snuggled. Meredith put her head on Derek's chest and looked up. This reminded them of before the marriage. They locked eyes and their lips meant and they sat there for maybe an hour looking out into the Elliot Bay.

"Oh yeah Mere," Derek said. "I forgot one last present."

"What is it Derek?" she asked when he pulled out an envelope from his shirt pocket.

"It's just a little something for the whole family," he said.

"Oh my Derek, Disney World," she squealed . "Everyone will be thrilled."

"I was hoping so," Derek said kissing her on the lips again.

"I love you Derek," Mere whispered digging her face further in his chest.

"I love you too Mere," he said as the two got up and walked to drive the car off the ferry. The two went home to watch a movie. They were not necessarily watching the movie, but making out on the couch. The couple was loving that there were no kids home. It didn't take long for Derek to get up and pick Mere up.

"Derek," she squealed. "Derek Shepherd put me down!" She started giggling as Derek walked her petite body up the stairs and into the bedroom. The two began to kiss passionately and within 20 minutes Derek and Meredith were laying in bed.

"Happy Anniversary Mere," Derek said as Mere began to laugh.

"Happy Anniversary Derek, no I am getting a shower I don't know about you," she said hitting him playfully on the chest getting up. Immediately he pulled her back down for a kiss and picked her naked body up again to carry her into the hall and the shower.

"DEREK!" she yelled. "You are so lucky no one's home." He turned on the shower turning it steamy very quickly. Derek and Meredith hopped in and closed the door behind them.

Back at the Karev residence Kelsey was already asleep on Izzie's lap while everyone crowded the TV watching a movie. As soon as the movie was over Izzie and Alex brought Kelsey up to their bed, while Michael and Jake went to Michael's room. Dylan, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige went to Dylan's room, and Ali and Lyss went to Ali's room.

"So Lyss are ya gonna tell me what happened to your head?" Ali asked.

"Maybe, maybe not," Lyss said jokingly as the two of them got into her bed.

"Lyss," Ali said concerned.

"Kelsey threw my doll at me I backed up, tripped, and fell into the post of my bed," she explained.

"Wow," she said surprised.

"She didn't even get in trouble! I got in trouble," she said crossing her arms.

"What?" Ali asked her eyes widening.

"Well I kinda previously hit Kelsey for whining, but I got grounded," Lyss said.

"That's rough," Kelsey said putting her hand on her shoulder.

Then Izzie came into say goodnight to the girls along with Alex.

"Night girls," she said kissing both of them on the head. Alex did the same.

"And when we say goodnight, we mean go to sleep, now and don't stay up talking," Alex added.

"You guys see enough of each other," Izzie laughed.

"We will," Ali said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Aunt Izzie, Goodnight Uncle Alex," she said hugging them both.

"See you in the morning," Izzie said and turned to turn the light off an exit the room. Almost immediately the girls started to talk again.

"Alyssa, Ali, we mean it," Alex called from outside in the hallway. The girls giggled and closed there eyes.

Alex and Izzie decided to call Meredith and Derek.

"Hello," a tired Mere answered on the other line.

"Hey Mere what ya doing," she said waiting for a reply. When Mere stuttered on the other line she said laughing. "We interrupted sex didn't we." Alex stated laughing in the background.

"So..." Mere said laughing.

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Yet another example of what I had been explaining the past few chapters. ENJOY!

What do you like better? I have narrowed it down to Noah Marcus Shepherd, or Caleb Richard Shepherd. (can switch middle names) HELP ME PICK PLZ!!!!!!!!!! I can't decide (not the kind of person who can pay attention long enough to think about it and make a wise decision)

I am leaning toward Noah Marcus but I am still reluctant because I want one of the boys to be named after Richard and there is no way I can give them another kid. So please, please, please yell me what you think.

Please R&R!!


	16. Chapter 16: Vacation Part 1

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

Okay it's two weeks after the previous chapter, it starts on the plane then goes into the park, then the cruise. It will at least be 2 parts. All those who think the other kids get as little attention as Lyss your wrong. Lyss hit it dead on when she said the whole thing about Kels being the youngest, Jake having a bond with Derek, Sophia being the oldest, and the whole fact that the twins are twins. Meredith and Derek never realize that Alyssa is seriously stuck in the middle (yes i used the title again!) because I don't even know why and I created it. I think it just happened. ENJOY!!!!!!

(BTW: We are getting really close to the whole rebellion and all things mentioned in chapter 5 and summary. Maybe in like 7 or 8 chapter, idk?)

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The Shepherd's boarded the plane with their carry ons the fighting already beginning to sttart.

"Kelsey don't push me," Lyss says bumping into Hayley.

"Hey," Hayley said turning around to glare at her younger sister.

"Sorry, Kelsey is pushing me," Lyss said.

"Kelsey Alexis stop that," Derek said sternly. He looked at Mere who was rolling her eyes.

"We are taking this trip for you guys so stop the fighting or we are getting off this plane," Mere said.

"Sorry," they all muttered and continued forward. They found their seats as Mere sat down in the middle of Jake and Sophia. The closest of all the kids, Hayley, Paige, and Lyss sat in the row behind them, and Kelsey and Derek had the third row to themselves. Lyss sat in the middle which was directly in front of Kels. She started kicking the back of her chair.

"Mom," Lyss whined turning back to glare at her younger sister. "Kelsey's kicking my chair!"

"I got it Mere," Derek told her. "Kelsey Alexis stop that at once."

"Fine," she said pouting and crossing her arms. The lady over the intercom began to speak.

"Ladies and Gentleman Flight 113 to Florida will be departing momentarily please fasten your seat belts and enjoy the ride." The little light that said buckle began to flash as everyone buckled their belts. Meredith and Derek made sure everyone was buckled before doing it themselves. All of a sudden the plane started as Lyss gripped the arms rest tightly her eyes shutting. She was fine in the air but the beginning and end was the hardest for her. She had been on a plane many times before because of the family in new york but she couldn't get used to it.

Derek noticing her tense reached forward and started rubbing her back. Kelsey was also clutching him desperately. Besides this and the blonde hair the two constantly feuding siblings had nothing in common. Everyone else had no problem flying. When it was over Meredith handed gum to everyone to stop their ears from popping. She already knew there would be fighting so she wanted to prevent as much discomfort as possible. Five minutes in the air Kelsey began to complain even though they already took off their seat belts.

"Daddy I wanna sit up there, I don't wanna be back here," she whined. Lyss looked at Hayley and Paige who rolled their eyes.

"Sweetie we will sit differently on the way back but just sit with me now," Derek said.

"Okay Daddy," she said innocently making the girls roll their eyes again. After a few minutes of quiet while Lyss, Hayl, and Paige played "I spy" Kelsey began kicking Lyss's chair again.

"KELSEY STOP IT!" Lyss screamed turning around to look angrily at her.

"I don't wanna," she said kicking it harder.

"Well your just a little....." Lyss began but was interrupted by Meredith.

"Alyssa Danielle you do not speak in that tone to anyone young lady," Mere said.

"Sorry Mom," she said as innocently as Kelsey.

"And Kelsey, what did we say earlier," Derek warned.

"But I don't like Lyssa," Kelsey whined.

"She's your sister," Derek said.

"I DON'T CARE!" Kels screamed.

"That's it," Mere scolded. "No beach, rides, or pool on the first day, no exceptions." Kelsey started to cry and Lyss looked satisfied. Pretty soon Kelsey was asleep and it was beginning to get dark. Mere handed everyone blankets and they all fell asleep tooo.

Early next morning they arrived in Florida. They got off the plane Kelsey still not talking, got their luggage, got a rental car, and drove to the hotel. Almost immediately the girls began unpacking their stuff and got into their bathing suits while Jake followed more slowly. Sophia was the first ne ready. Then it was Jake, Hayley, Paige, and finally Lyss.

"Finally," Sophia chided playfully nudging her sister.

"Shut up!" she said nudging her back.

The two sisters began laughing as Meredith got ready to go out by the pool. She was gonna teach Lyss how to swim today so they didn't have another horrible end. Derek was staying in the room with Kels who was temporarily in trouble. Down by the pool Hayley, Paige, and Sophia were jumping in having fun. That was until Jake started splashing them and they started to squeal and run away. Keeping an eye on the she got in the water and waited for Lyss. She was standing at the edge staring fearfully into the water remembering what happened less than a month ago.

"Come on Lyss, I will get you," Meredith coaxed as Lyss timidly put her foot in the water.

"I'm scared Mommy," she said running back. Mere saw that she got sympathetic glances from other guests.

"Mommy's got you, come on your a big girl," Meredith coaxed more.

Lyss took a small step toward the water and put her foot on the step. Pretty soon both feet were in the water. Mere came up and grabbed her gently and slowly helped her further. But as soon as Lyss couldn't feel the bottom and her body was halfway in the water she starting screaming and splashing. Meredith grabbed a hold of her and held her close. She took her out and got her a towel. Another mother came up to her.

"How old is your daughter?" she asked.

"Alyssa, she's 8," Mere said her eyes following Jake and the others who were playing with a ball in the pool.

"She's afraid of the water?" the woman inquired.

"Yes, well you see not even a month ago me and my husband took her and my other kids fishing. Her life jacket was ripped off and she fell into the water. My husband barely saved her." Mere explained.

"Oh that's sad, but they are all adorable by the way," she said.

"Thanks," Mere said walking over to Lyss who wanted to try again. "You sure," Mere said. Lyss nodded and walked to the edge. Putting her feet in faster than before she was easily at the spot she was before.

"Okay now Lyss just keep kicking and moving your arms...." she started while Lyss did just that but this time she floated.

"Mom look I am swimming," she said triumphantly.

"Good job sweetie," Mere said. "Are you gonna play with your brother and sisters now?"

"Yeah," she said and swam over to them.

After swimming the family all went out to dinner. Kelsey was still pouting because she missed out on the first day, but this made Lyss very happy. The family actually made it through the dinner in peace. Afterwards the family rode the monorail system home which was conveniently located near their hotel. Meredith was tired after their first day so she leaned against Derek while the kids around the started yawning. Kelsey finally apologized where Meredith and Derek forgave her. Back at the hotel they got the kids to go right to be. All but Kelsey tired from swimming all day.

Meredith and Derek made their way to their room.

"Peace and quiet," Mere said. "This vacation is going better than I expected."

"Mere we are here for 8 days 7 nights so that's 7 days and 6 nights to go," Derek said amused kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Whatever," Mere said turning over.

"Was there ever any doubt," Derek said sarcastically putting his arm around her body.

"Shut up!" Mere said playfully hitting his arm.

"Goodnight Mere," Derek said kissing Mere again.

"Night Derek," she said kissing him back. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Back in her room Alyssa laid awake next to Hayley. _Yes Kelsey finally got it trouble and not me for once, maybe my luck is turning around. _That was her last thought before drifting to sleep.

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FINALLY Kelsey got in trouble! Not Alyssa. But sorry Lyss things aren't gonna stay like this just wait for the park, and when they get home. And next chapter is when they find out about no name. (Look below)

What do you like better? Caleb Richard Shepherd or Noah Richard Shepherd.

I am leaning toward Noah Marcus but I am still reluctant because I want one of the boys to be named after Richard and there is no way I can give them another kid. So please, please, please yell me what you think. All those who think they should have another kid it is just part of the plot I am building up to.

Please R&R!!


	17. Chapter 17: Vacation Part 2

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

Continuing the vacation two days since last chapter where they have gone to the beach twice and not even to the park yet. Kelsey is still annoying Alyssa like usual.

(BTW: We are getting really close to the whole rebellion and all things mentioned in chapter 5 and summary. Maybe in like 7 or 8 chapter, idk?)

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"Mommy," Kelsey screamed from inside the room. Mere was outside watching Sophia and Jake play in the pool. She looked down at her watch, they were leaving for the park at 12:00 and it was only 10:45. Derek took Alyssa, Hayley, and Paige for a walk on the beach.

"Yes sweetie," she groaned getting up to find her daughter next to Alyssa's bear that she had just one. The head of severed and stuffing everywhere.

"Kelsey Alexis Shepherd, what did you do?" Mere scolded.

"I wanted the bear and Lyssa wouldn't give it to me, so if I couldn't have it neither could she," Kelsey whined looking up at her mom innocently.

"That was wrong!" she yelled at her daughter. "Alyssa won that bear herself and she loved it."

"But I wanted it," Kelsey cried as Meredith bent down to pick up the bear.

"It doesn't mean you get it," Mere said sternly. "What about the bear Daddy won for you." Mere tried stuffing the stuffing back it and thought she could manage to sew it before they got back.

"But I wanted that one!" Kelsey screamed.

"Kelsey Alexis don't use that tone," Mere scolded. "Go to your room, no rides for you today!"

Kelsey ran and began to cry. Meredith held up the Bear trying to see what she could do. Then Derek, Alyssa, Hayley, and Paige went bursting through the door.

"Mom, we're bac-" Lyss said but broke off when she noticed the bear in her hands. Mere tried to hide it but handed it to Lyss who reached out for it her bottom lip quivering. "What happened!" she cried.

"I'm sorry Lyss," Mere explained. "Kelsey got to it, and ripped it."

"Oh," she said quietly the tears beginning to run down her face.

"Sweetie I can fix it, I promise," Mere said bending down to kiss her daughter on the cheek and push the tears away.

"Okay Mommy," she said.

"Don't worry, Kels is being punished," Mere said standing back up and looking at Derek. "Why don't you girls go get cleaned up and ready for the park."

"Okay," they chorused and ran to their room. Meredith and Derek could hear Kels's slowly dying cries.

"I'll go talk to her," Derek said.

"I did yell a little loud, tell her I am sorry and she can go on 2 rides," Mere said giving in at the pitiful noises Kels was making. She went and got Sophia and jake out of the pool to get ready. When Sophia was entering their room she heard her sisters talking.

"I can't believe she did that," Alyssa said.

"Did what?" she said but then noticed the destroyed bear. "Kelsey?" Lyss nodded.

"Why does she think she can do whatever she wants," Lyss complained.

"She's the youngest, and I hate to tell you, when you were her age, you weren't much better," Hayley said playfully pushing Lyss.

"Hey," Lyss said laughing. "But I guess my whole act got Kelsey in trouble, she deserved it." There was more behind that statement but she wasn't about to tell her sisters who all cared about her.

"True," they all agreed and started laughing. Minutes later they were ready and went outside to wait. They left in the rental car and arrived at the park about 20 minutes later.

The kids all charged into the park excitedly while Meredith and Derek followed slower pushing Kels's stroller.

"Wait up," Meredith called to her kids as Derek kissed her on the cheek. When they were in the "Magic Kingdom" everyone got excited even Kelsey who weaseled herself into 4 rides. Meredith's stomach lurched and she paused. _It's probably just nerves she thought. _The girls immediately noticed Cinderella's Golden Carousel and started to beg to on on it. After convincing Derek and Jake the entire family boarded the ride.

When it was all over Mere started to fell queasy and nauseous. Finding a trash can quickly she bent over and ignoring the smell emptied the contents of her stomach into it.

"Mere, you okay?" Derek said rushing over to her the kids right behind.

"Yeah," she replied. "Just haven't been on one of those in a while."

"Okay, well why don't we do something a little easier," Derek said and walked toward a boat ride. Meredith followed but had a foreboding feeling that it was not just from the carousel. After the ride she ran over to another trash can and started to throw up again.

"Mere," Derek said concerned. "I don't think it's the carousel."

"Really Derek, I didn't know," she said sarcastically.

"Why don't you take a break from the rides," he told her. "I'll go on them with the kids, you an stay with Kelsey who only has two rides left." He looked down at Kels in the stroller who smiled sweetly.

"Dad," Sophia said tugging on his shirt. "Me, Lyss, Hayl, and Paige wanna go on the Dumbo ride."

"Okay," he said. "Do you wanna go on by yourselves."

"Yeah," they all said while Mere gave him a worried look. After getting them on and off the ride she started to feel better. They went on the magic carpet ride and many others. Kelsey already had done her 4 rides so she stayed in the stroller. The next ride they wanted to go on was Splash Mountain. Meredith was very wary because Lyss barely made the height requirement.

"Lyss, I would feel better if you didn't go on this ride," she said cautiously.

"Why?" she whined. They were treating her fine all day, she had to pick now to ruin it.

"You are only just 40" tall," Mere explained.

"That means I am tall enough please I really wanna go," she pleaded already thinking up her plan B.

"Just be careful and sit with Daddy," Mere said and sat down on a bench with Jake Kels's stroller right next to her.

"Thanks," she said and hurried to catch up to her father and sisters. Afterwards there was only enough time to go onto one more ride.

"What about that one?" Lyss suggested. Derek nodded as Mere cam back from throwing up for the third time. They began discussing it but by the time they figured out the seating it left Alyssa out. She stood their with a surprised look on her face _it was my idea she thought. _

"Mom," she whines. "I wanna go on the ride."

"Lyss there is only two seats and I can't go and Jake is too small," Mere explained.

"But it was my idea,"she whined. She caught her sisters' eyes who mouth 'sorry' she showed a slight nod but didn't let it cool down her fury towards her parents.

"Lyss I'm sorry we still have a few more days here," Derek said bending down to face her.

"But it's not fair!" she screamed catching the eye of a few people around. Derek and Meredith looked around embarrassed.

"Alyssa Danielle stop it now," Derek scolded.

"I wanna go on the ride," she screamed even louder now getting Mere and Derek sympathetic glances.

"Alyssa calm down now. or you are gonna get in big trouble," Mere yelled.

She started to throw a tantrum screaming loudly flailing her arms. Kelsey started to laugh earning a glare from Meredith and Derek and the others. Other from the glare Paige, Hayley, and Sophia watched with wide eyes Jake joining them. Meredith grabbed Lyss's hand and pulled her into the bathroom which was conveniently empty.

"Alyssa Danielle stop this now or you will be grounded in the room for the rest of the vacation!" Meredith scolded bending down looking her straight in the eye. Lyss avoided her eye but started to stop crying. "Stay here!" Mere ran into the bathroom to throw up for the fifth time. when she came out Lyss was no longer there.

"ALYSSA!" she screamed scared running out of the bathroom to see her next to Derek. "Thank god. What did I say?"

"Sorry I got scared and I wanted to tell Daddy you throwed up again," Lyss said quietly.

"We talked while you were throwing up," Derek said looking at Lyss.

"I'm sorry," she said hugging her mother.

"It's okay sweetie," she said turning around. She turned back around almost immediately after hearing Lyss scream again.

"What's wrong?" Mere said annoyed.

"Kelsey threw something at me," Lyss explained.

"Did not," Kels said.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Stop it you two," Derek said.

"It's true Daddy Kelsey threw food at Lyss," Sophia defended quickly backed by Paige and Hayley. Jake nodded. Kelsey glared at them as Alyssa's eyes widened.

"Mere...." Derek broke off as she threw up again. "You know what we will talk later, we gotta get your mother back to the hotel."

In the car Meredith asked Derek to stop at a pharmacy. Alyssa begged to come to feeling guilty from her tantrum, it had went further than she intended. She won her parents back and no one went on the ride.

"Fine," Mere said as Lyss got out of the car.

"What are ya getting," Lyss asked.

"Anti-Nausea Medicine," Mere responded.

After a short pause as they went through the isle Lyss asked, "Are you pregnant?"

Mere stopped dead in her tracks, she has been pregnant five times, how could she be so stupid. Her eight year old daughter knew it before her. The vacation must have distracted her.

"Lyss, I never thought, how did you..." she rambled.

"You throwed up when you were pregnant with Kelsey and you don't feel warm," she said grabbing her Mom's hand.

"Well then, lets see," she said grabbing a test. Back at the hotel she waited for the stick to turn blue. Everyone else was by the pool. Lyss was waiting, when the stick turned blue she went out of the bathroom.

"So..." Lyss inquired.

"Your gonna have another brother or sister," Mere said.

"Brother Mom," she said touching her stomach. She was excited but then another person she had to share her parents with. She was sad about that, but she wouldn't let her mom know. She was just glad she had this time with her Mom. She hugged her tightly and looked up and smiled. Mere smiled back and kissed her head and went to tell Derek.

_I am happy, but.... I just hope he's not like Kelsey. I love my parents and I miss them so much. She looked out the window and saw Derek kiss Meredith lovingly. But maybe it won't change anything. Boy was she wrong._

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I have made my decision and his name is gonna be Noah Richard Shepherd. I agree with most of you when you said that it sounds more like something they would name their kid.

Please R&R!!


	18. Chapter 18: Thanksgiving and Searches

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Disclaimer: I unfortunately still do not own Grey's Anatomy or it's character's, only those that you don't know.

Sorry bout last chapter, not my best work. I was trying to finish before Grey's came on and my mom was nagging me the entire time. Okay now they are back home, it's Thanksgiving. The Shepherd's are coming over along with Meredith's "family" imagine with all those people in the house and Meredith pregnant again. It will be a long chapter, bare with me.

(BTW: We are getting really close to the whole rebellion and all things mentioned in chapter 5 and summary. Maybe in like 5 or 6 chapters, idk?)

Meredith was running around frantically trying to get the house ready. She already had a small baby bump but it wasn't slowing her down. They were gonna be here in less than 20 minutes and the kids keep messing everything up that she cleaned. She finally sent everyone to their rooms to get ready and out of her way. By the time they all came back downstairs 10 minutes later everything was in order again.

"Mom," Lyss tugged on her mothers shirt. "When is everyone coming." She bounced excitedly because Ali was coming over and one of her cousins Lily Aunt Kathleen's daughter was her age.

"Any minute Lyss," Mere said not looking up. The turkey was in the oven, and everything else waiting to be finished. Not only that but the Shepherd's were staying over for two nights afterward. Lyss ran toward the window to look outside followed by Kelsey and Jake. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia were watching TV. When about five rental cars drove up to the Shepherd house Alyssa let out a squeal soon followed by one from Kelsey. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia turned the TV off and ran over to the door, Jake rolled his eyes at his sisters and followed.

"Shit," Mere cursed under her breath as they arrived early. She called Derek out of the kitchen and walked over to the door. The kids were already outside waiting impatiently. Elizabeth was the first one out and strode over to the house.

"NANA," Kelsey and Alyssa said in unison running up to hug her.

"Kelsey, Lyss how are Nana's babies," she said hugging them back tightly. Looking over at the four other kids who followed shortly after.

"We missed you," Lyss said turning to see Kathleen and Robert coming up with Lily, Chris, Jill, and Michael. She was followed by Nancy and Frank with Brian, Amanda, Adam, and Josh. Then came Emma and Jason with Katie, Lori, Kristen, Kyle, and Sarah. Finally Lyndsey and John with Chelsea, Laura, Amy, and Jen.

She ran towards everyone followed by her brother and sisters and as Meredith and Derek came out there was a loud clamor of 'Hello's', 'Missed You's,' etc. Izzie and Alex came outside with Dylan, Ali, and Michael. Within a few minutes the gathering dispersed as Lyss, Ali, and Lily ran up to her room. While everyone was downstairs mingling. Owen and Christina came in with Trevor and Talia, then Lexie and George with Morgan, Bailey with Tucker and Tuck, Mark came alone, and finally the chief arrived last. Lyss ran downstairs to see everyone and started to talk with Morgan who was two years younger. After a while Mere got everyone ready for dinner.

There already large kitchen table was extended much further over taking the living room as well. There was many discussion at the table the first one obviously being the baby.

"So do you know the sex yet Mere?" Nancy asked.

"No I am making sure Izzie hides it from us," she said looking at Izzie who smirked. "I'm sure she will be happy to tell you though."

"I would would I," Izzie responded.

"Yes I know you love being the only one who know but by the look of your face it seems it is taking a lot of effort for you not to blurt it out right now," Mere responded. Lyss was whispering and talking to Ali, Lily, Morgan, and Talia while they were talking.

"She told me," Alex said.

"We don't care evil spawn, wait she probably told Bambi and Lexipedia too by the way they are smiling," Christina said dryly earning a glare from George, Lexie, Alex and Izzie. Everyone else including the kids started laughing.

"I would seriously love to know what happened during you guys' residency that earned you nicknames like evil spawn, McDreamy, McSteamy, Bambi, dark and twisty, Lexipedia, Bambi, and a bunch of other things," Emma said looking over at Meredith, George, Izzie, Alex, and Christina.

"No I don't think you do," Miranda said rolling her eyes. "I wish I didn't know. I had to live with them for way too long, they were my interns, residents, my pain in the buts," She stared down her old interns who looked away and started laughing. The kids started to look confused but they didn't care.

"These people you all call family almost ruined the integrity countless times," Richard said. "Let's not forget one of them almost dying on countless occasions." Everyone looked at Meredith.

"So I had my hand in a body cavity with a bomb, and I almost drowned, big deal, I lived didn't I" she said. Derek pulled her in for a kiss as everyone else laughed. Her kids' eyes widened at the thought of their mother dying.

"Back to the baby," Elizabeth said. "What do you want it to be Meredith?"

"A boy we already have six girls in this house," Derek answered for her earning a glare from his mother.

"Same for you Mere," she asked as Meredith nodded. She looked at Izzie who had a big smile on her face.

"Way to give it away Iz now we know it's a boy," Meredith said looking pleased but somewhat disappointed.

"I never said that," Izzie said her eyes darting around the room.

"The smile says it for you," Mere said.

"Fine, then it is a boy."

"Good," Mark blurted out. "Poor Derek and Jake were probably flooded by all the estrogen in this house." Everyone started laughing again while they finished up. People started clearing the table as Lyss got up and accidentally bumped into Kels without saying sorry she turned away. Kelsey grabs a handful of mashed potatoes and chucks it at Lyss. It splatters all over her dress, in her face, and in her hair.

"KELSEY!" she screeches and she hits her sister who starts to cry. Everyone's attention turns to them. Kelsey throws more food as Lyss returns the fire. She started to get carried away and hits her again.

"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd, what is going on?" Meredith yelled pulling her away from Kelsey who she picked up.

"Kelsey started it," Lyss whined. "She threw food at me.

"She bumped into me and didn't say sorry," Kelsey cried. "So I threw food at her."

"Kelsey that wasn't nice," Derek said.

"What about Lyssa, she wasn't nice," she said with a pitifully sad face on that made Derek's heart melt. Meredith put Kelsey down.

"That's true," Derek said.

"Lyss I know she started it but you shouldn't have fought back and hit her," Mere scolded.

"She always does it, and I am sick of it," Lyss screamed mad she was getting in more trouble. Mere looked around at her family embarrassed.

"That's no excuse now say your sorry," Mere said glaring down at her daughter.

"Not until Kelsey does!" Lyss screamed.

"Lyss do as your mother says!" Derek yelled.

"No, I am tired of you treating Kelsey better then me," she screamed. Meredith and Derek looked shocked and didn't believe it. She caught Elizabeth's eye who blinked sympathetically.

"Lyss, I'm sorry you feel that way," Mere said touching her shoulder. Her anger uncontrollable now whipped around and turned away hitting her mother's hand away. Mere looked hurt.

"Lyss apologize to you mother RIGHT NOW!" Derek screamed. Everyone's eyes got wide as they stared at the defiant 8 year old and her father. Meredith had begun to cry softly as Izzie and Nancy put their hands on her shoulder comfortingly.

"NO!!!!!" Lyss screamed. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

"ALYSSA DANIELLE!" Derek screamed his anger now overloading.

"BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!" Lyss screamed. "SHE PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO THE BRAT THEM ME, BOTH OF YOU DO!"

"LIFE'S NOT FAIR!" Derek screamed his face turning red. "YOUR GROUNDED!"

"YOUR SO MEAN, YOU TWO LOVE KELSEY AND EVERYONE ELSE MUCH MORE THAN ME!" Lyss cried starting to shake.

"Alyssa," Derek said defeated he reached for her face but she turned away. "That's..."

"NO!" she screamed. "I HATE YOU!" Crying she ran upstairs as fast as she could pushing everyone who was in her way. As her door slammed you could hear her sobs coming out in gasps.

Derek's face turned white as he watched this happen. 'I hate you,' she had said, she hates me. He sat down on the couch staring at the stairs where she ran up. Meredith still crying came up to him and stroked his face pushing away his tears that fell. Paige, Hayley, Sophia, and Jake retreated to the outskirts of the group glaring at Kelsey who seemed oblivious. It was her fault and she just went up to Meredith and Derek and hugged them tightly. Meredith and Derek hugged her back sadly.

Everyone else was caught in an awkward silence and begged for things to return to normal. Morgan, Lily, and Ali went with Sophia and the others. Elizabeth took charge and got dessert out to try to relieve so of the stress. Didn't work. Everyone ate in silence, said good-bye, and left. The Shepherd's too, who went into the guest house. Ali, Morgan, and Lily stayed behind to stay with Hayley, Paige, and Sophia who were planning on sneaking into Lyss' room. When they did they found an empty room and Hayley let out a short scream catching Mere's attention. She ran upstairs and gasped.

"DEREK!" she screeched as he ran up next to her.

"She's... gone," she whispered.

"WHAT!?" he exclaimed. "Ali go get your Mom and Dad, Lily, Morgan get the family, Mere call everyone else, where the hell is she!" He was scared and as everyone followed out their orders he went downstairs grabbed his coat Mere behind him. His heart stopped when he realized her coat and shoes were gone.

"Mer..." he whispered fearfully.

"Lyss," she choked out.

Everyone flooded the Shepherd household as Elizabeth agreed to stay with the kids. Ali, Hayley, Paige, Sophia, Morgan, and Lily begged to help so the adults put them with the older kids including Dylan. Splitting into groups everyone began searching outside and the neighborhood, going door to door. Derek and Meredith hopped into the car and drove to the park. They gasped as they found one of her shoes laying on the ground near the swings. There was blood next to it. They called everyone to come there and help them search the trails.

"Alyssa, Alyssa where are you!" Meredith cried out. There was many echos of that call from others. Derek went over to the pond. She had only just learned to swim. He cried out when he found her other shoe by the edge. Then he got scared. He dialed 911 as cops rushed to the scene. They led Meredith and Derek away so they could thoroughly search. They sat down on a bench and held each others hand praying for a miracle.

"Derek..." Mere whimpered. "The pond... she..."

"I know..." It was then when they heard a muffled cry from the woods. They turned around and heard it again. As they got closer they heard soft crying as well.

"Alyssa," Derek whispered. A cry came out as a response. Meredith ran toward the sound Derek on her heels when they came face to face with Lyss huddled underneath a tree. Her eyes lifted up to them. Her clothes were dirty and ripped. Her face, arms, and knee were smudged with blood while tears streamed down her face. She was also drenched from the waist down. Her entire body shaking from the cold.

"LYSS!" Meredith cried out in delight and flung herself at her daughter. She grabbed her tightly and cried stoking her hair not caring that she was getting her blood all over her shirt. "DON'T .....EVER.... DO....... THAT.... AGAIN!" she cried and held her tighter. Derek came and and hugged her too, too happy and relieved for words.

"I'm.... so-sorry," Lyss whispered.

"Shhh, we're sorry," Derek whispered. Lyss was still shaking which made Meredith grasp her tighter. All three of them were crying Meredith the most. She was crying so hard she was shaking. It made Lyss look up and stared into her eyes Mere looked back and kissed her on the head.

"I love you!" Lyss cried and grasped her parents tighter. She had gotten exactly what she wanted.

"We love you too Lyss," Mere said still crying. "So much. We are sorry for what happened and that you feel that way. Just never, never do that again. I thought I lost you forever." Everyone else searching had heard them and came to watch the reunion. Nancy called Elizabeth as Paige, Hayley, and Sophia moved closer to surround her. Everyone had tears in their eyes as their worry turned to relief.

"Never again," Lyss promised and closed her eyes feeling safe in her parents arms. All of a sudden she started coughing and made Meredith worried. The police called an ambulance when they thought she was in the pond so Derek lifted Lyss's body up. Lyss started to get scared so she buried her face into Derek's shoulder, cries getting muffled. They rode with her in the ambulance and held her. Told her it was okay when they inserted the needle for the stitches. And on the way home, Lyss fell asleep in Meredith's arms in the back of the car.

This was definitely what she wanted. Her plan worked.

Those of you who have said get a new storyline and stop making Lyss get in trouble are missing the point. Because Meredith and Derek keep making her guilty she starts to pull away. So far away she rebels and almost destroys the family, Meredith and Derek's relationship as well although you can't tell from this chapter. This chapter is only the beginning. When her new brother comes along now she has even less of the attention and even more of the blame. Not only that but Meredith and Derek start to forget more and more and she starts the whole hurt herself for attention again. The next time it will leave her hospitalized. Hope you like it. It will all make sense eventually promise.

Please R&R!!


	19. Chapter 19: Author's Note

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AUTHORS NOTE:

Thanks so much for all the reviews. It's amazing I haven't even had the story up for a month and there is almost 100 reviews. Anyway at this moment I am having a bit of writer's block. I am just gonna concentrate for a while so I may have another chapter or two up by the end of the day. I am welcome to any ideas and i will credit them to you. Thanks.

- merder4ever33 (Alyssa)

(P.S: I know the star in most of my stories are named Alyssa too but like I am not that creative. I can come up with other people's name but not names that fit perfectly in with it. Alyssa is the only one that fits.)


	20. Chapter 20: Salads and Serious Talks

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Disclaimer: Nope..... Still don't own it.

Now it's a week later, Mere isn't letting Lyss out of her sight. It's a weekend, everyone but Lyss has something else to do. Meredith is refusing to go on maternity leave so she takes Lyss in with her. She doesn't trust the day care so Lyss follows her around. When she has a Brackston Hicks Izzie takes Mere in for observation leaving Lyss with Christina. Well you'll see.

(BTW: We are getting really close to the whole rebellion and all things mentioned in chapter 5 and summary. I got some new idea but I still don't know when, idk?)

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the idea.

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After dropping everyone else at their various location, Mere and Lyss had an hour to spend together before Mere had to go into work.

"So Lyss what do ya wanna do before going into the hospital?" Mere asked Lyss.

"I dunno? I am kinda hungry though, can we go out for lunch?" she said.

"Sure, where do ya wanna go?" Mere asked.

"SALADWORKS!" she screamed

"You are your father's daughter," Mere laughed.

"Salad's are good mom, and good for you. You also have my new baby brother to take care of." Lyss said while smiling as Mere pulled into the parking lot.

"Yes and taking care of your new brother also mean's satisfying my craving, and I don't have a craving for a salad," Mere said helping her out of the car.

"I know but you can get a soda or something," Lyss said putting her hand on her mothers stomach. A second later she leaped back, her eyes wide with excitement. "He kicked me!"

"He sure did Lyss," Mere said smiling as they walked in and got in the service line. Mere's salad was a huge heap of dressing and condiments with little lettuce. Lyss's was purely healthy having very little fat free dressing, and the rest lettuce with some carrots and fat free croutons. Mere laughed when she saw her daughter's.

"God, I gotta take you out for something unhealthy after this," Mere joked as Lyss laughed and gulped down her small salad. They left quickly after and Mere took Lyss out for ice cream even though it was nearly winter. In the car on their way to the hospital the ate their ice cream cones and talked. Mere completely avoided any talk of last week. Lyss still had stitched on her face and arms where she fell. Mere's eyes welled up with tears at the memory of that horrible Thanksgiving night. When Lyss saw the tears she smiled knowing she was remembering last week which meant they weren't about to forget her for a while.

She did kind of feel bad because she upset them so much and it had gone further then she intended. She had it planned out that she would just go on the swings and wait for them put when she fell and heard a long noise she got scared and accidently fell into the water. Knowing their was no where else she hid in the trees especially when she heard everyone looking for her. When the sirens came she cried out because she knew they were know going crazy and would never do it again. Afterwards they just hugged her and said sorry completely forgetting about her grounding. To use her cuteness as a bonus she fell asleep on the car ride to and from the hospital in Mere's arms.

"Come on Lyss, we're here," Mere snapped Lyss out of her thought. Lyss waited as Mere got changed into her scrubs and she started on rounds.

"Now Lyss, you are gonna have to be quiet and not talk unless addressed okay," she said grabbing her hand.

"Okay," Lyss nodded and followed her mother to a room with a neuro patient which she was working on with Derek.

"Hello Dr. Shepherd," Mere said and smirked. "Hello Frank."

"Hello Dr. Shepherd," Derek said to Meredith and winked causing Lyss to giggle.

"Wait you're both Dr. Shepherd's," Frank questioned.

"Yes, we are," Mere answered.

"Married?" Franked asked as Derek responded 'Yes.'

"And who's this," Frank said looking down at Lyss.

"I'm Alyssa," she said quietly.

"Hello Alyssa, oh and looks like you have another child coming," he said noticing Mere's stomach. Lyss smiled as Derek put his hand on Mere's stomach.

"He will be our 7th and our last," Meredith said looking at Derek who picked up Lyss.

"Seven," Frank breathed. "That's a lot, i have two children myself."

"And that's why we are doing this procedure, so you can get back to them," Derek said as an intern explained the procedure. Everyone left the room an outside Derek put Lyss down.

"See you later okay Lyss," he said to her.

"Okay, Bye Daddy!" she waved and turned to Meredith.

"What next this is fun," she said excitedly.

"I have paperwork so we are gonna go in Daddy's office," Mere said.

"Okay," she said looking a little disappointed but followed Mere. In Derek's office Lyss immediately hopped up on his swivel chair annd began spinning.

"Lyss, be careful," Meredith warned. "And don't mess anything up."

"Okay," she said hopping down and sitting next to Mere. She looked over her shoulder.

"What ya doing?" she asked.

"I am doing paperwork sweetie," Mere said. She looked back down when there was a sharp pain in her side. Mere gasped but ignored it and tried to continue. Lyss sensed something was wrong and looked at her mother.

"Mom," she said. "What's wrong."

"Nothing," she said but stood up when the pain got worse. "Lyss, come on we gotta get Aunt Izzie."

Lyss nodded and followed her mother to the nurses station where Izzie was standing scribbling in a chart.

"Iz," Mere said.

"Oh hey Mere, hey Lyss," Izzie said. "Wait, what's wrong."

"Brackston Hicks," Mere answered.

"Mere, come on," Izzie said turning to ann examination room.

"Izzie," Mere groaned.

"Come on," Izzie urged.

"Wait, what about Lyss?" Mere said.

"Christina!" Izzie called to her as she was walking down the hall.

"What Barbie, oh hey Mere," Christina said.

"Can you watch Lyss while I examine Mere," Izzie explained while Meredith made a face.

"Oh sure, didn't see you there Lyss," Christina said. "But why do you have to examine Mere?"

"Brackston Hicks," Izzie answered as she ushered Mere into the room.

"I'll be back soon Lyss," Meredith said annoyed and continued. Lyss nodded and looked at Christina awkwardly. The last time she saw her was when she had the fight with Kelsey and she threw a tantrum. The was the scared girl in the park covered in blood.

"Come on Lyss," Christina said. "Let's go down to the basement."

"Okay," she said following her to the elevator and pushing the basement button.

"You want something out of the vending machine," Christina asked.

"Okay," Lyss said walking over where the wending machine was.

"What do you want?" Christina asked as she got some chips.

"Uh, could I have a granola bar," she asked spotting the health bar at the bottom.

"A granola bar, seriously," Christina laughed. "I know you're father is a health nut, but that doesn't mean you have to."

"Okay, can I have a candy bar," Lyss asked.

"That's more like it," Christina said handing it to her. She went over and sat on a gurney as Lyss followed slowly. She hopped up next to her and ate her candy bar silently. It was extremely awkward. It was even worse the day after when all the Shepherd's spent the day together. The last thing she remembered of Christina that day was her shocked eyes while she screamed at her mother and father.

"Lyss, what's wrong?" Christina said. "You are usually bursting with energy and unable to stay quiet. Now you are barely saying a word."

"I'm fine," Lyss said quietly looking down.

"Okay, first you look like your mother now you are sounding like your mother," Christina said. "She has said that I'm fine soo may times that it doesn't even seem possible anymore that she is fine." Lyss laughed and looked up.

"It's just I am kind of embarrassed." Lyss admitted.

"Why would you be," Christina said gently. "Oh yeah Thanksgiving." Lyss nodded and looked down again.

"Come on, if you want to talk about it I am hear," Christina said putting her hand on her shoulder.

"Everything is okay now, but it wasn't," Lyss admitted. "I was left out so many times in the past 2 years. The night of my recital, they missed the dance they wanted to see the most." Lyss began.

"Then afterwards Kelsey was complaining so much that I yelled and she started crying. She mad up a lie, they believed her, i got in trouble, then ended up with cracked open head. On vacation i wanted to go on a ride, I had to beg my mom too because even though I was tall enough. Then I picked out a ride I wanted to go on and when they were gonna go on they were leaving me out. It feels they just treat everyone else better then me."

"Oh Lyss, I am sure that's not true," Christina said.

"But it is Aunt Christina," Lyss cried. "Kelsey almost never gets in trouble and she just makes everything worse. She has my daddy wrapped around her finger and Thanksgiving when she made the sad face my daddy forgot that she started it. That nothing would have happened if she didn't throw food at me."

"Shhh, it's okay," Christina soothed.

"No it's not it always Kelsey this, the twins that, Sophia, that, Jake that, never me," Lyss cried into Christina's shoulder. "Then now there is another brother on the way and I will be more forgotten then before. Like maybe they will love him like they love everyone else more. Then I will be definitely stuck in the middle."

"Lyss, I don't believe that, your parents love you all, so much. Equally," Christina said. "What do you mean by stuck in the middle?"

"The way I see it is that, I am not the oldest, I am not the twins, I am not the youngest girl, obviously not the oldest boy, and not the youngest period. I am just Alyssa." she explained her cries dying down.

"Well I think being Alyssa is great," Christina said hugging her. "Your an amazing dancer, and singer, and don't think I didn't come to see one of your field hockey games even if you didn't see me. You are strong independent girl, just as stubborn as your mother. There is no way they don't love you and that they aren't extremely proud of you. So am I, and your Uncle Owen, Aunt Izzie, Uncle Alex, Aunt Lexie, Uncle George, Aunt Bailey, Uncle Richard, and what the heck I will even say your Uncle Mark. The point is that there is no way what you think is true. They love you so much, it's just with six kids and another coming they are stressed out. especially with their high powered world class surgeon careers."

"Thank you Aunt Christina," she said hugging her tightly.

"Your welcome Lyss," Christina said.

"Can I ask you something," Lyss asked her.

"Sure," she said.

"Can you not tell my parents," Lyss pleaded.

"No problem," Christina reassured.

"Come on," Christina said. "Let's go see your mom." They went back up the elevator to see Izzie talking to Derek, the Chief, and Meredith who looked pissed.

"The Brackston Hicks contractions were due to stress of too much work Mere," Iz explained. Mere just crossed her arms.

"Meredith you are going on maternity leave," Richard said.

"But..." Mere protested.

"No but's Mere," Derek said.

"Yeah it's an order Meredith," Richard said staring at her seriously.

"Fine," Mere said giving up.

"See Lyss," Christina whispered in her ear. "You're gonna have even more time with her now." Lyss smiled widely.

"Oh hey Lyss," Mere said looking over to where her daughter appeared.

"Hey Mom, you all better?" Lyss said.

"Yes I am," Mere said looking at Richard angrily.

"Well let's go home, come on Lyss," Derek said. "We have to get your brother and sisters."

"Okay," Lyss said.

"Bye guys," Izzie said followed by the chief. Alyssa looked away shyly from both of them. She started walking behind her parents and onto the elevator.

"Wait, stop!" she said running off the elevator. She ran up and hugged Christina.

"Thank you so much," she whispered.

"You're welcome Lyss," Christina said hugging her back. She ran back to the elevator.

"What was that about Lyss," Derek questioned.

"Nothing Daddy," Lyss said, and she wished it were true.

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I am getting a lot of ideas so I promise this fic will be really good. A lot of drama is gonna happen, trust me.

Please R&R!!


	21. Chapter 21: Christmas and Late Presents

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. If it were Christmas like in my fic I would ask Santa to bring me it for Christmas. Ha! If I owned Grey's Anatomy there would be so much Mer/der that they would have to change it to Grey's ..... and Shepherd's Anatomy.

It's Christmas time and they are going to New York to spend more time with Derek's family. This is the first time since Thanksgiving Lyss has seen them all and will be even more shy then she already is. It will be long. Then they come home to a little surprise that is as much for Mere as it is for the kids.

(BTW: We are getting really close to the whole rebellion and all things mentioned in chapter 5 and summary. I got some new ideas but I still don't know when, idk?)

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the idea. (during her rebellion)

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Mere was shaking Lyss gently.

"Lyss, sweetie, we are about to land, time to wake up," Mere said quietly. Everyone else in front was already awake. They purposefully put Kelsey in the front of the group and Lyss in the back.

"Okay Mom," she said rubbing her eyes. She braced herself from the horrible feeling of landing and got up as soon as they were aloud to. Mere grunted as she tried to heave herself up. She was huge at 7 months pregnant. Lyss got her carry ons for her so it would be easier for her to walk.

"Thanks Lyss," Mere said as Derek grabbed her hand to help her off. Lyss smiled knowing she had secured a good mood for them for a least today. Ever since her talk with Aunt Christina she had a different outlook on the way they treated her but she still thought they could at least pay a little more attention to her. They got off the plane, grabbed their luggage, and got a rental car.

"You sure you going the right way Derek," Mere questioned as Derek drove the streets of New York slightly confused.

"Of course I do, I grew up here didn't I," Derek groaned as Mere was annoying him and the kids were making a lot of noise in the back. He got them to the house 20 minutes with only one short detour when he missed a turn.

"I got us here didn't I," Derek said helping Mere up the driveway. They would get their luggage later. Elizabeth came bounding out the house with a red Christmas sweater on.

"Derek, Meredith, how are you?" she said putting her hand on Mere's swollen stomach. "I missed you, it's been a month."

"We are good Mom," Derek said hugging her.

"Nana," everyone but Lyss screamed and ran up to hug her. Elizabeth looked at Alyssa who avoided her gaze embarrassed.

"I don't get a hug from you Lyss," Elizabeth said looking at her granddaughter.

"She's embarrassed Mom," Mere whispered in her ear. "From Thanksgiving, she has been like that to everyone the past month."

"Come here," Elizabeth said coming up to hug her granddaughter tightly. "I missed you and you have nothing to be embarrassed about." Lyss smiled and hugged her back and followed them into the house where the whole family was gathered waiting. Everyone started greeting everyone as Lyss hung to the outside of the group her eyes looking down at the floor. Elizabeth came up and urged her forward. She looked up at her her eyes cautious and scared.

"Sweetie, you were upset everyone understands that," Elizabeth encouraged. "Don't live in the past and just forget about it."

"Okay," Lyss said stepping forward to greet the family. All trying to forget Thanksgiving and making her fell as comfortable as possible. Elizabeth herded them all into the kitchen and again the first topic was the baby.

"When are you due Mere?" Lyndsey asked.

"About two months in February," Mere answered.

"Do you know you are gonna name him Derek," Frank asked him.

"Lyss actually came up with the name Noah," Derek said as Lyss beamed.

"We both love it," Mere said.

"I think she just came up with the name because it's the name of her crush," Sophia chided followed by giggles from Hayley, Paige, and few of the other cousins.

"Is not," Lyss defended quickly crossing her arms and pouting her lips.

"We all know you have a crush on someone," Hayley stated.

"Me, Hayley, and Sophia have seen you on the playground with a boy," Paige finished.

"How do you know I like Noah," she blurted out but quickly covered her mouth embarrassed. "I mean.... woops." Everyone started laughing as Meredith kissed her on the head. Lyss's head sunk into her chest but came up laughing too.

"Ow!" she screams a second later. Everyone looked at her confused.

"Who kicked me," she demanded as everyone shrugged. Kelsey started laughing from across the table.

"Kelsey!" she screamed standing up but was pulled back down by Hayley who looked at her with warning eyes.

"Kelsey, why did you kick your sister?" Mere demanded everyone looking at the 4 year old who looked unrepentant.

"I don't like Lyssa, I already told you," Kelsey said simply.

"Excuse Me," Mere said as she got up and grabbed Kelsey's hand and pulled her into the kitchen.

"Okay, anyway Lyss is your field hockey over, and how's dance," Kathleen asked to change the topic.

"Yeah field hockey's over, I am really bored now," she said with an emphasis on the really. "And I love all my dances. My favorite is tap but modern, and jazz are good too. Ballet's more about precision so it's really boring but I love it anyway."

"Wow you do a lot," Emma said.

"Aunt Emma you forgot about her drama too," Sophia said as Mere came back with Kelsey who said sorry to Lyss.

"You do drama too?" Nancy asked.

"Yupp," Lyss said proudly. "It's so much fun."

"I should hope she's having fun," Derek laughed. "We pay so much money for all of her activities. That dance place she goes to is so expensive but it's the best one in Seattle." They got on another topic. After dinner and dessert the family sat around the fire and Christmas tree and read the Night Before Christmas. Derek was in charge of that this year so he sat with Lyss and Kelsey on his lap. Kelsey fell asleep so Elizabeth took her up to the guest room. After the story was finished everyone left but Meredith, Derek, and the kids.

They grabbed their stuff from the car making sure the presents were hidden. They gave the to Elizabeth to put out later. Lyss and Hayley got to sleep in bed with Mere and Derek. Sophia, Paige, and Jake were huddled on the couch, and Kelsey was asleep in the chair next to the bed.

"Mom, Daddy," Lyss whispered before falling asleep.

"Yeah sweetie," Derek said.

"Will Santa know to bring our presents here?" she asked.

"Yes sweetie but he won't come if you aren't asleep," Derek said yawning.

"Okay Daddy," she yawned and fell asleep a minute later. She started snoring as loud as Mere does and it was even worse as Mere joined in.

"Daddy," Hayley whispered. "They are too loud."

"I know sweetie, here, some ear plugs," he said giving her his ear plugs.

"Here Daddy take one and I can sleep on my side," Hayley said.

"Thanks Hayl," she said turning on the same side Hayley did. They were asleep shortly after. That morning the kids ran downstairs excitedly. Elizabeth was waiting in the ktichen.

"Nana, Santa did come," Jake said hopping up next to her.

"He sure did Jakey, come lets open presents," she said helping him hop down. For Christmas Kelsey got a lot of dolls, clothes, and a new teddy bear. Sophia got the newest password journal and a lot of clothes. The twins just got clothes and some books, and Jake got the newest Gameboy and a bunch of games for it. When it came to Lyss she unwrapped a couple of books she wanted, but nothing else but an envelope. Inside the envelope were two tickets to see Wicked on broadway front row and orchestra.

"Oh my god!" she squealed and hugged her parents tightly.

"It's gonna just be you and me," Derek said.

"Thank you!" she said again and put the tickets back in the envelope safely. Then it was time for Nana's presents. Kelsey got a collectors doll, Sophia an the twins got more clothes, Jake got baseball cards and collectible action figures, and Lyss got a small pink guitar and a couple of clothes. They didn't know an even bigger surprise was waiting at home.

Soon everyone came over and handed out presents and stayed through dinner. Meredith, Derek, and the kids had to leave early to catch their flight so everyone left by 8:00. The next morning they got up said good-bye to Elizabeth and were on their way back home to Seattle. They arrived in Seattle the next morning because of a layover in Colorado which involved them staying over for one night. When they arrived home their house was still decorated and an artificial tree stood in the middle of the living room.

Izzie had just left the house and placed a single box underneath the tree. It had a couple of breathing holes that the children didn't notice.

"Daddy what is that," Kelsey asked tugging on his shirt.

"Yeah Derek what the heck is that?" Mere asked.

"You'll see," he said. "Kids why don't you open and see." Meredith looked at him confused and suspicious and peeked over the kids shoulders as they stared at the box. Lyss was the first one there. She started to open it.

"But I wanna open it Mommy," Kelsey whined.

"Kels Lyss got here first, just watch," Mere said staring at the box. As Lyss opened it her eyes got wide.

"A puppy," she squealed as she picked up the bundle of brown fur. It was a two month old female chocolate labrador puppy.

"Oh my god," the girls squealed. Lyss held her up to her face as she licked her nose.

"Aww!" everyone started cooing and petting her.

"Derek, you're... you're unbelievable." mere said watching her children play with thee puppy. "You could have told me."

"Then it would ruin the surprise," Derek said as he grinned. The puppy was laying on the ground as the kids pet his stomach.

"I am surprised, where did you get her?" Mere asked.

"I rescued her from the shelter," Derek said.

"Mommy. look at our new puppy," Kelsey said turning around. Jake was holding her close.

"I see Kels what do you want to name her?" Mere asked them all.

"What about Hershey?" Lyss suggested.

"I love it," Sophia squealed as Hayley, Paige, and Jake chimed in an agreement.

"I don't like that name," Kelsey protested.

"Why? I like it Kels," Derek said bending down to pet the puppy.

"Cause Lyssa thought of it," she complained.

"Well too bad Kels everyone else like it so her name is Hershey," Derek decided.

"Hershey, come here Hershey," Lyss called as the puppy ran over and lciked her like crazy.

"Look Daddy she knows her name already," Lyss said excitedly.

"Yes she sure does Lyss," Derek laughed as the puppy started to chase the girls around and vice versa.

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If you want to see a picture of Hershey here is the url: ./142/327600873_

I am getting a lot of ideas so I promise this fic will be really good. A lot of drama is gonna happen, trust me.

Please R&R!!


	22. Chapter 22: Forgotten Games & Plans

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did.

Now this is two years later. Now this would make Sophia 13 1/2 years old, Hayley and Paige 12, Alyssa 11, Jake 9 1/2, Kelsey 6, and Noah 2. Sophia in 7th grade, Hayley and Paige in 6th, Lyss in 5th, Jake in 3rd, and Kels in 1st. Sophia is doing basketball, Hayley soccer, Paige got into softball, Jake does baseball, Kels is copying Lyss to her dismay and does dance too. Now for Lyss she still does field hockey but is on a dedicated travel team, she is also in a competition group for dance which she know takes two jazz classes, a modern, two tap dances, ballet, and pointe. She also has an all year drama camp. With all this stuff she is bound to have a break down.

(BTW: We are getting really close to the whole rebellion and all things mentioned in chapter 5 and summary. The rebellion is coming in 2 or 3 chapters.)

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the idea. (during her rebellion)

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**"Come on girls," Mere called up the stairs. "You're buses leave in 5 minutes!" She waited 2 minutes when there was still no answer she looked at Jake who shrugged. Outside Sophia bus honked.**

"Sophia, you're bus is here," Mere screamed.

"I'm coming Mom," she said running down the stairs, grabbing her bag, and an apple. "See ya." She hugged her mom and left to barely catch the bus.

"Hayley, Paige, Alyssa, and Kelsey," Mere yelled upstairs. "Get your buts down here, you're gonna be late."

"We're coming," Lyss called as she ran down the stairs followed by Hayley, then Kelsey, then finally Paige.

"See we're not late," Paige said.

"Barely," Mere kidded throwing them each a fruit. Lyss grabbed her hockey stick bag and uniform bag while putting her hair up into a pony tail. She had completely transformed from the total girly girl, to never wearing anything but jeans, shorts, or t-shirts. Her hair was never down and she was completely dedicated to field hockey and the only time she ever wore anything girly was when she was acting or dancing. Mere and Derek never realized how hard she was pushing herself and how much she wanted them to notice her.

The bus for the elementary school honked outside. "Come on, guys lets go!" Mere urged. Derek came out from the kitchen to say good-bye to everyone Noah following him closely.

"Dad you coming to my game today," Jake asked while tying his shoe.

"Wouldn't miss it Jake," he said kissing Kelsey, Lyss, Hayley, and Paige.

"Mom, you coming to my game today?" Lyss asked going out the door.

"I am going there after picking Kels up from dance," Mere said pushing them out the door.

"It starts at 4:00 don't forget," she said staring at Kelsey who smiled because Mere was coming to her activity first.

"I know and Kels's class ends at 3:45, I will make it Lyss," Mere said waving good-bye. "Thanks Nikki's mom for driving you!"

"I will," Lyss called as she followed her sisters on the bus.

On the bus she sat next to Ava.

"Hey," she said.

"You got enough stuff their Lyss," Britt said.

"Shut up," she mumbled. "It's not my fault my parents don't have enough time to drop me off at my game."

"We're sorry Lyss," Britt said.

"Nothing to be sorry bout, at least I have Hershey, she understands me," Lyss said.

"She's a dog Lyss, and care about you too Lyss," Nikki said.

"I know, you guys are the best friends ever," she said hugging them all.

"What could we do without each other," Ali said. "It's just I still don't get it, my parents are surgeons too."

"Well yours aren't both world class neuro surgeons who came up with the Shepherd-Grey method, ones running for chief when Uncle Richard retires, the other right behind to be head of neuro," Lyss explained. "Also do your have 7 kids, plus a dog to take care of?"

"Well when you put it that way..." Ali said.

"I'm sorry but your parents jobs are important too but not as demanding. Your dad's in plastics, and your mom's in gyne," Lyss said. "It's not like they are the only people patients trust. The ones who have to run off to the pit constantly when there was a little accident because it is almost a guarantee that there is a spinal or brain injury."

"Whatever, I am just excited I get to see you guy's games today," Ali said.

"More like Lyss's game," Nikki joked.

"She plays the entire game," Britt said.

"She rocks," Ava told Ali.

"Thanks guys," Lyss said. "But I am not that good."

"You so are," Hannah said. "Better then all of us, you're the best on the team." They continued to talk the whole way to school. The school day went fast and at 3:30 Nikki's mom picked all the girls up and drove them to the game. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige went home on the bus as Mere picked up Kels up.

Lyss was getting ready for the game and kept checking the crowd the game was starting in 10 minutes and Mere was not there yet. The whistle blew and Lyss leapt into action, charging at the ball. Becca was also heading towards it.

**"I got it," she yelled as she knocked the ball away from the opposing team. The girl stood shocked behind her, not expecting Lyss to be that good.**

**"Got me flat," Lyss heard Becca yell. With a quick pull back of the stick, Lyss sent the ball fast to Becca.**

**"Got me Becks," she said running through. Becca tried to pass it there but the other team got it away. Lyss ran back with an agitated sigh.**

**"Sorry," Becca muttered.**

**"It's fine," Lyss shrugged, not taking her concentration of the game. Just then she saw the ball it Britt's foot in the circle. The ref blew the whistle and pointed to a corner. "Crap!" Quickly Lyss hustled back, getting on the line. She saw one of her teammates, Val heading for the fly position.**

**"Val, you trail," she commanded. She nodded and lined up next to Lyss, inside the goal. Lyss held her stick firmly in her hand, watching the ball intently. The ref blew the whistle, the girl on the other team hit the ball, and Lyss shot forward, her stick out in front. In an instant, the stick clanked against the ball, sending it flying forward towards Nikki.**

**"Nice Lyss!" she heard her teammates cheer.**

**"Yeah Lyss!" their coach called. Lyss smiled through her mouth guard and watched as Nikki crossed the field to Hannah. Hannah, instead of going to the ball, waited for it.**

**"GO TO IT!" Lyss screamed across the field. She heard her too late and the other team intercepted. Lyss ran up to her. "Don't plant your feet." Hannah nodded, knowing not to take offense to Lyss's tone, it was how Lyss played. It really made no difference because about a minute later the ball was going back up their side again. Lyss watched as Hannah dribbled the ball down the sideline. She sprinted ahead of her.**

**"Through," she called and Hannah sent it up with a powerful push. Lyss ran to collect and surveyed the field quickly. No one was up with her, she had to do this alone. With one last look back to where her teammates were struggling to get up there fast enough, Lyss pulled around a defender and headed towards goal.**

**"GO LYSS!" they called.**

**"Come on!"**

**"SHOOT!" **

**With yet another pull, Lyss bypassed the last defender. No it was one on one with the goalie and Lyss knew what to do. She dribbled to one post quickly, the goalie reacted fast, but not fast enough for Lyss. With a sweep, Lyss hit it across the net, and a second later her stick connected with the ball in a reverse slice. It soared to the right corner of the net and hit the back with a clank. She scored.**

**"YES!" everyone cheered as Lyss picked the ball up and listened to the ref whistle indicating a goal. As she placed the ball in the center, everyone was still congratulating her. But as fast as she scored the goal, the game went on.  
**

**By the half she already had a hat trick and she scored the only goals. She was extremely tired but she didn't care, it was her game, her time to shine, her time to show Meredith she could be proud of her. At that moment Lyss didn't realize she wasn't there.**

The score was 4-1 and there was only 15 minutes left. Erin, one of the forwards, scored the other goal for her team, while the other team got a goal on a stroke when Megan, their goalie, fell on top of the ball. 

**The opposing team had a free hit so Lyss took the time to search the crowd the gathered to watch the game. She immediately saw Ali who was watching the game intently with a smile. She waved to Lyss. She looked at every single face in the crowd and no Mere. She was too busy looking for her mom that she didn't realize that the opposing team had started the play. A sharp pain went searing through her arm and she let out a gasp.**

She started to feel light headed as she started to spin from the pain. Another player came running up to get the ball that fell at her feet, since she didn't notice that Lyss was hurt and swung her stick and it accidentally hit her arm. She knew what she had to do. Mere had to come here even if it was to take her to the hospital. So she fell and landed directly on her arm. She let out a scream as the play immediately stopped and the coach ran out onto the field. 

**"Oh my god!" Lyss screamed, tears running down her face. Her arm was shaking uncontrollably.**

**"Lyss where are you hurt?" her coach asked. Lyss was in to much pain to answer, or almost.**

**"My.... arm...." she gasped, writhing n pain on the ground. "It hurts..."**

**"Shhh," her coach sighed. "It'll be okay." Lyss looked at her arm through her teary eyes. It was already bruising, it was definitely not okay. This was the price she had to pay for attention. **

**"She okay coach?" the ref asked. The coach shook her head and helped Lyss up gently. Her team and all the parents, both theirs and the other teams, clapped loudly for her as she was lead off the field, still sobbing. She heard a few of her friends whispering as she passed.**

**"No," Val said. "Not Lyss."**

**"Why her," Becks muttered.**

**"They're gonna pay," Nikki growled.  
**

**From far away Meredith watched this happen. She grabbed Noah and darted toward the field. Kelsey trailing behind.**

Back on the field the athletic trainer was trying to examine her arm but she was crying too hard and shaking violently from the pain. As Meredith rushed toward her daughter she gave Noah to Nikki's mom to watch as she fought through the crowd to get to Lyss.

"Watch out that's my daughter," she said squeezing through. "Lyss are you okay?" she asked as she bent down beside her daughter.

"Mom," Lyss cried.

"Watch out ma'am I am trying to help your daughter so could you please back up," the trainer said still trying to look at Lyss's arm.

"Well I'm a doctor," Mere told him.

"Well I am trained for sports injuries," he told her, annoyed.

"I am a surgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital so move," she said pushing the hair out of Lyss's face. "Come on sweetie, let's get to the hospital." She helped her daughter up as Kels followed and Nikki's mom carried Noah over to their car for her.

Mere called Derek and warned them they were coming, then called Izzie so she can check in on the girls at home. On the way to the hospital they dropped off Noah and Kels at the house, and arrived at the hospital minutes later.

"Mere what happened," Derek asked as she came into the ER with Lyss.

"She was hit by a field hockey ball and a stick," Mere explained as they paged Callie.

**"Lyss," Derek sighed. "How?"**

**"I was looking for Mom... in the crowd... on a free hit," Lyss gasped, her eyes glazed from pain.**

**"You weren't there?" Derek questioned, narrowing his eyes at his wife. Mere opened her mouth to speak but Callie rushed over.**

"Lyss what happened?" Callie asked coming down to the ER.

"I was hit by a field hockey ball," she explained clutching her arm.

"Well let's take a look at it," Callie said. It was obvious it was broken, it was bruised and you could see that the bone was out of place because the was a large bump. "Lets get you to X-ray."

She took her down and it was clear she needed surgery. The break was bad, half shattered in one spot but the initial break was clean. All she had to do was tell them She had already gotten a room secured.

"There is a clean break... sort of, but it will require surgery, they are prepping the OR as we speak," she told them Lyss nodded not scared at all. An intern got her prepped and wheeled her down to the OR.

"We'll be there when you wake up, promise," Mere said.

"I'll be fine mom, don't forget the appendix," Lyss laughed and said good-bye to her parents. In the OR she looked up at the ceiling and waited for her Aunt Callie. When she saw her in the scrub room a small smile fell upon her lips. Slowly she approached Lyss and smiled down at her. Lyss couldn't see the smile but she knew it was there.

"Lyss," she laughed. "Only you would break your arm by not paying attention."

"Not true," Lyss said rolling her eyes. She shifted slightly and winced. Her arm killed and was very grateful for the sleep that was to come. "It hurt..... well hurts."

"Then shut up and count backwards from 100," Callie said. Lyss glared at her momentarily and looked up in the gallery where she saw Izzie, Miranda, Mark, Lexie, and Alex.

**"A hundred, ten's easier, you know I am not gonna get past 4 or 5 numbers so why..."**

**"Lyss," Callie sighed. "Just count." Lyss giggled.**

"Fine," she winking at everyone in the gallery. She saw them laughing as she started. "100, 99, 98, 97......." Then she was asleep.

Outside the OR it was a different story. Derek was pacing angrily.

"Why weren't you at her game Mere!" he yelled.

"Kelsey's class ran late," Mere lied.

"Really cause Kelsey was bragging on the phone that you took her out for ice cream," Derek yelled. He caught the attention of some of the other doctors.

"Derek stop it," Mere said looking at him angrily.

"Mere you stop it, she wouldn't have gotten hurt if you were there," he screamed.

"How do you know Derek!" she screamed.

"She was looking for you in the crowd when she got hurt," he screamed back.

"You know what just get away from me Derek, I don't have time for this," Mere said defeated and walked away.

After her surgery Meredith and Derek were in her room when they were paged to the pit. When they were gone Lyss woke up. Her eyes darted around the room looking for them. Christina walked into her room.

"Hey Aunt Christina," Lyss said dully.

"Hey Lyss how ya feeling," Christina asked.

"Okay I guess, my arm is sore though," she said looking sad.

"It will be like that for a while," Christina said. "Wait, what's wrong?"

"They promised," she whispered quietly.

"They will be here soon they just got...." she said.

"Got pulled into surgery, like always," Lyss said. "I know you said 2 years ago that they love me and are proud of me but it doesn't seem like it. My mom missed my game, it''s not fair. I know I sound like I am a little baby, but I am sick of it. It's gotten even worse now that Noah is here. He's the baby, he's the center of attention. I am 11 years old, my body and everything is changing and I need my mom. I can't have her if Kelsey keeps stealing her away. She only started dance because at my recitals I was the center of attention. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia have always talked about how at my age they got some time with my mom, but I haven't."

"Lyss, they are trying, but I am sorry," Christina said sitting on her bed.

"And when I got hurt I was hoping I would have their attention for a little, but they aren't even here now," Lyss said sadly.

"I'm here Lyss," Christina said. "I just finished my shift so I can stay until you're parents come."

"It's okay Aunt Christina, you can go, I am kind of tired," she said feigning a yawn.

"Okay see ya Lyss, feel better," she said.

"Bye Aunt Christina," she said closing her eyes. when she was gone she opened the up again. There was so little that she actually told Aunt Christina. In the past two years since Noah was born she has felt totally left out. If it wasn't for her friends and her dog she would have broken down long ago. As she sat there thinking about all of the things that had happened to her she started to sob. She started to shake and gasp for air. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't even think. Only about her hate toward her parents. How much she wanted to just run away, run far away from everything. The constant fights with Kelsey, the constant fights with her parents, striving herself so hard in school and her extra curricular activities, the fights Meredith and Derek had when they forgot her when it was both of their fault's, and finally the feeling in her stomach when she realizes her parents forgot.

She didn't know how Sophia, or Paige, or Hayley, or Jake, or Kelsey, or Noah could stand it. It happened to them too. I guess not as much, and they had things significant about them creating a bond with her parents. There was nothing like that that she shared. She wasn't their little girl, she wasn't their oldest, not their oldest son, not the youngest, and not the twins. When she was left out or forgotten all she could think was, what is wrong with me, why can't they love me as much as the others. It felt like they didn't care, like they couldn't care, like nothing she did could ever be good enough to get their attention. They didn't realize how hard and how much she begged for them to notice her, even just once. To know how much she wants their approval, their pride, their love. She wanted it do bad that she would do anything for it.

As she sat their in her hospital bed crying, she started thinking up a plan. A fool proof way that they would notice her, that they could pay attention to her just once. She couldn't do it now, it was too soon, and she wasn't old enough. But she knew she had to do it. Lyss knew that some day her parents would be forced to care. Some day that she wouldn't be forced to hurt herself for their attention and that they would do it on their own. Some day when they would love her. The sad part was that Meredith and Derek didn't even realize it.

That is what made Lyss even angrier. All the years she had been causing herself pain just for attention, they never paid enough attention to see the real reason behind it. The problem was no matter how hard she tried it was never enough. She pulled her legs up to her chest to try too calm herself down but it didn't work. She wanted their attention, she needed their attention and there was only one way she could get it. She needed it so bad, she would do anything for it. The person she blamed most was Kelsey. She had her parents wrapped around her finger and everything she did was never wrong.

Kelsey was a total brat, she had to have it her way. Her sisters and brothers backed her up, but Meredith and Derek couldn't say no to her. It made Lyss sick, but also made her sad. She thought back to the days when that was her. The one they payed attention to, the one they cared about. It felt so long ago, that Lyss had trouble remembering any of the details. The only thing she could remember was a day when she was 2 years old, 2 YEARS OLD, when she spent an entire day alone with Derek. Even though she went to see Wicked with him, the entire time all he cared about was Meredith and how he left so close to when the baby was due.

Her mom and dad needed to care and there would be no way they couldn't after what she is gonna do. Its drastic, she knows it, but it was the only way. She would go to the ends of the earth to actually feel important to the Shepherd family. She would risk anything, and anyone to do it. She didn't care if she lost her friends, she didn't care if it destroyed the family, and she didn't care if it hurt anyone including herself. She absolutely had to follow through with the plan.****

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Yeah okay, well you probably have lots of question so yeah feel free to ask but most of them will be answered eventually. Hope you enjoyed this chapter it really gets into Lyss's mind and it helps you understand why she does what she is gonna do. It shows how distant Meredith and Derek are and how they need help. Lyss needs help, but they can't realize it. (If you are pissed at Meredith and Derek I wouldn't blame ya.)

Please R&R!!


	23. Chapter 23: The Final Straw

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

I don't really fell like giving you any hints on this chapter... sorry :) BTW: The is the tip of the iceberg for the rebellion if that gives you any hints. I will just say now Sophia is 16 bout to turn 17, Hayley and Paige are 14 almost 15, Lyss is 13, Jake is about 11 1/2, Kelsey is about 9, and Noah is almost 4.

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the idea. (during her rebellion)

_One and a half years later......_

It was the beginning of summer break and today was Alyssa's dance recital and she was extremely happy for many many reasons. For one, Kelsey's recital was yesterday, so she couldn't ruin it and she would be the center of attention. Second, Lyss has become involved in a competition group last year for dance meaning she has the most dances she has ever had. Those dances include 2 solos, a duo, 2 jazz, 2 tap, modern, ballet, and pointe. And of course she still had field hockey and is part of an all year drama camp that meets every Saturday all day, and random times at night during the week.

Even though Lyss did all of this stuff, Meredith and Derek had yet to really pay any attention to her. Since she just finished 6th grade and is starting middle school, she decided to carry out her plan at the beginning of high school.

When Mere came running down the stairs it snapped Lyss out of her thought, and the way she was rushing it was clear she was late for work.

"Hey Mom," Lyss called to her from her spot on the couch. "You remember I have my dance recital today, right." When she got no answer she repeated, "MOM!"

"What Lyss?" Mere said impatiently putting on her coat.

"Recital today, you are coming aren't you?" Lyss urged narrowing her eyes.

"Of course see you tonight," Mere said distractedly opening the door. "Oh yeah Lyss, can you watch Kels and Noah. Jake is at his game, Sophia is shopping, and the twins are at their friends. They are upstairs. THANKS!"

"What?" she snapped as Mere left. "Great," she muttered. "I'm stuck with the brat and the baby." Lyss looked at the clock, it was noon so she decided to make them lunch.

"Kelsey, Noah get down here!" she called angrily.

Noah came down eagerly and ran towards Lyss. Kelsey came down more slowly staring at Lyss.

"LYSSA!" Noah exclaimed and launched himself into her arms. Lyss smiled as she caught him. He loved Lyss no matter what.

"What," Kels said impatiently.

"I'm in charge, what do you want for lunch," Lyss said.

"Mac and Cheese!" Noah said happily.

"Mom put you in charge, yeah right," Kels said crossing her arms. "Where is Sophia, Hayley, or Paige."

"They are out, so Mom put me in charge, what do you want for lunch," Lyss repeated rolling her eyes at her brat of a sister.

"Give me what Noah is having," Kels said sitting on the couch, changing the channel which Lyss was watching.

"Fine," Lyss said and retreated to the kitchen.

"Lyssa.... Mac and Cheese," Noah called.

"I am making it bud," Lyss laughed. She got their lunch ready and made a sandwich for herself. Noah was already at the table so she called Kelsey in.

"Bring it in here," Kels called eyes glued to the TV.

"No way, your eating in here," Lyss called.

"No," Kels said.

"Then no lunch for you," Lyss said putting the bowl down in the sink.

"FINE!" Kelsey screamed and ran over to the table. They ate their lunch as Kels ran back over to the TV. She shoveled it down. Lyss cleaned up and looked at the clock. It was 1:00, still 5 more hours. Hopefully Sophia would be done shopping soon. She decided to call Ali, so she could have some company.

She picked up the phone and dialed getting Dylan.

"Hello," Dylan said.

"Hey Dyl, Ali there," Lyss said.

"Sure," she told her. "She's upstairs in the shower. So what's up with you lately?" Lyss smiled. She loved Dylan, she was always so friendly.

"Nothing much," Lyss shrugged. "I have my recital tonight."

"Oh fun," Dylan smiled. "How many dances are you in this year?"

"Um.... 2 company, 2 tap, 2 solos, ballet, pointe, and a duo."

"Who are you doing the duo with?" she asked.

"Oh Melissa," Lyss answered.

"She's the girl you met when you were little in dance?"

"Yup."

"Oh that's cool."

"DYLAN WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!" Lyss heard Ali call.

"Lyss is on the phone, come down.... she wants to talk."

"BE RIGHT THERE!" Lyss laughed.

"Okay well.... I will see you later Lyss," Dylan said as Ali got on the phone.

"Hello," Ali answered.

"Can you come over, stuck babysitting Noah and the brat," Lyss said earning a laugh.

"Sure, Lyss be right over, I do live next door," Ali said and hung up.

"Kelsey, Noah, go to your rooms Ali is coming over," Lyss said turning off the TV.

"Does Mom know she wouldn't let you," Kelsey said with a smirk.

"Shut up, it's Ali we are talking bout, Mom's best friend's daughter, practically our cousin, stop being nosy brat," Lyss said ushering them up the stairs.

"You're the brat," Kelsey said back.

"Define brat," Lyss said sarcastically and turned to get the door.

"Hey Ali," Lyss said.

"Hey Lyss," Ali said. "What do you want to do?"

"Um we have Musical Review.... two weeks," Lyss said.

"Well Miss Smarty," Ali laughed as Lyss got the music out of her large bag reserved for drama. It didn't take long for them to screw that and turn on Rent, singing and dancing to the music. Lyss checked on Noah and Kels, then the two raided the kitchen. That's when Meredith called her and Lyss realized what time it was.

"Hello, Mom?" Lyss said.

"Lyss do you realize that Kelsey just called me," Meredith said as Sophia made her way in.

"No, why?" Lyss said confused.

"She said you called her a brat and that you invited Ali over," Mere said sternly.

"Mom she was being a brat, I tried to be nice to her, and Ali just lives next door and Uncle Alex is home," Lyss told her mother.

"You know what Lyss, I can't talk right now, see you when I get home, and we WILL talk about this," Mere said hanging up.

"But Mom my ...." she broke off when she realized Mere hung up. She really didn't care did she? Lyss let out a sigh.

"What's wrong Lyss?" Sophia said coming up behind her, Lyss jumped up surprised.

"Sophia, god I didn't know you got home, everything's fine," she said.

"You sure?" Sophia questioned concerned but Lyss nodded.

"Ali, I gotta get ready, see you tomorrow," she said to Ali.

"See ya Lyss," Ali said and started talking to Sophia. Lyss got into her outfit, did her hair, and called her best friend from dance since she was 2, Melissa.

"Hey Melissa, it's Lyss," she said into the phone.

"Hey Lyss, you getting ready," Melissa said.

"Yeah, you sure you're Mom can drive me, my parents won't be back from the hospital," Lyss said.

"Yeah it's fine, I'll see you in about 20 minutes okay," she said.

"Okay see ya then," Lyss said and hung up. Since she didn't go to the same school she knew it would take a little while longer. She went down stairs before interrupted by Kels.

"Where you going, does Mom know," Kels said.

"My recital tattle tale, can you make sure Mom and Dad don't forget," she said.

"Sure, whatever," Kels said and went back in her room with a smile, she would do anything but that. Lyss went downstairs, put on her dreaded company make-up, and went outside to wait saying goodbye to Sophia who was talking on the phone. Melissa and her mom showed up 5 minutes later. She hopped in the car and they drove off to the recital which was conveniently located at her soon to be high school which was 5 minutes away.

Her and Melissa went into the dressing rooms, finished getting ready, and waited for it to start.

"Hey Lyss," one of her friends Lucy said as Lyss touched up her makeup and took off her company sweatsuit.

"Hey Luce," Lyss said. "What's up."

"Nothing," she shrugged. "Tired."

"Lucy Rosaline, why?" she asked.

"Party last night," she mumbled.

"Luce," Lyss shook her head. Lucy was a sophomore in high school. Her and Melissa were the youngest in their company class.

"Sorry," she sighed.

"Glad I am only going into seventh grade," Lyss laughed. "Don't have to worry about that yet." But she would soon when she acted on her plan, but that wasn't until freshman year.

"Lucky," she mumbled. Lyss reached into her bag and threw her tylenol.

"There you go hun," she laughed.

They were the first ones up for their jazz number, Instant Replay. They waited in line as the owner of the dance studio was out on the stage as the curtains closed her class ran on. Melissa and her were the too closest and the best dancers in there. She took her spot in the back where everyone turns around. She couldn't wait to see her parents face, she had made sure they were in the front row of the middle. Her family gave the studio so much money she had that kind of power. Especially with Kels now dancing. The curtains opened and the music began to play.

5, 6, 7 , 8 they turned around. Lyss had a big smile on her face that instantly faded. The front row in the middle was completely empty. No one in the 8 seats reserved for her family. she stumbled, let out a gaspp, and a tear rolled down her cheek but she continued dancing, but she didn't smile. Every step was painful, every turn broke Lyss's heart. As the song came to an end, as soon as the curtains closed, she ran off immediately tears rolling down her cheeks, her sobs coming out in gasps.

"Alyssa!" Melissa called toward her friend. She looked at her teacher Miss Tara who had a confused look on her face, and ran after her friend. She found her on the bathroom floor shaking, and sobbing. When she opened the door and looked up, her make up was running down her face.

"Oh, Lyss," she said bending down beside her friend.

"They forgot," she cried. "They forgot!" Lyss started to shake violently. Melissa wrapped her arms around her friend who leaned her head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Lyss," she said as she started to calm down. "Can you still dance, I will understand if you can't do our duo."

"No," Lyss said quietly but added more forcefully. "I have to give them a show they wish the didn't miss." This made Melissa flinch but she helped her up, went back to get dressed, and fixed her makeup together. Her next was her solo to Idina Menzel's Brave. She won first place in competition for this but she couldn't enjoy being the only one on stage because the only people she wanted to see this dance was her parents. She was really upset because as she got to the fuete's, she could only do four, not the usual six to ten.

The rest of the recital was a blur for Lyss. The only thing she could remember was crying after every dance, and the row of 8 empty seats that seemed to be laughing at her. She skipped the finale gathered her stuff and went outside. It wasn't raining so she just hid, not wanting Melissa's sympathy. She loved her but she couldn't take it, she was so angry. Taking out her dying cell phone, she called her house, no answer. She called her mom, no answer. That was the same for Derek's, Sophia's, Hayley's, and Paige's. No answer. NO FREAKEN' ANSWER!

Now everyone was gone so she went to the front of the school to wait, no matter how long it took, for her parents to remember. Lyss didn't know how long she sat there for, but at some point the tears started to fall. When the Seattle sky's opened up she retreated to shelter underneath the darkened school. She pulled her knees up to her chest and cried. Her sobs probably heard by everyone. They were uncontrollable. She heard her phone die and turn off as she started shaking from the cold and her anger.

They did it again, ruined what could have been the perfect night.

Out loud she began saying, "Screw High School, it's starting, tonight is when my plan starts!" Then she remembered she told Kelsey to remind them. She was gonna pay, her whole family was gonna pay, they would never do something like this again. Though the tears kept falling she let out a smile. It was gone immediately when the rain started harder. She didn't care. She continued to cry but the world seemed to be a bit brighter.

The family came back from dinner smiling. They wondered where Lyss was but Sophia said that she said she was going out. Kelsey had confirmed that suspicion. The difference was Sophia didn't know where she really was, only Kelsey did. When they returned home they noticed there was 15 missed calls and 4 voice mails all from Lyss. Derek and Meredith looked at each other shocked. The played the first voice mail.

"Mom" sniff "Dad" sniff "where" sniff "are" sniff "you" sniff. She broke into hysterical crying. Meredith's eyes blazed with realization as both them ran toward the car driving full speed to the high school. When they arrived they could make out the small figure of Lyss huddled iin the corner. She was soaking wet and shaking. Mere looked at the clock, it said 9:30.

From where she was sitting at the sound of a car Lyss looked up. She could see her parents in the front seat. She grabbed her stuff and sprinted toward the car crying. She opened the door threw her stuff in and slammed the door. She didn't even look at her parents the tears still running down her face.

"Lyss, sweetie we are so sorry," Mere tried too explain.

"Never again sweetie, we will make it up to you we promise," Derek said starting the car. Lyss didn't respond she just abruptly turned her head to look outside. Derek and Meredith looked at each other furiously. Inside Lyss was making plans and at the sight of her parents mad, it almost made her smile. This time they had crossed the line, the blow was too hard.

When they got home Lyss left her stuff for Meredith and Derek to bring inside and ran inside.

"LYSS!" Mere desperately called at her daughter.

"Way to go Mere," Derek said angrily.

"Shut up Derek, you forgot too, it's both our faults," Mere yelled.

"Well I didn't say, oh lets go out for dinner," he screamed imitating Mere's voice.

"Well what about dessert we can't forget dessert," Mere yelled imitating Derek her voice getting louder.

"You broke your daughter's heart," he screamed.

"No YOU broke your daughter's heart!"

"Shut Up!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Mere don't make me...."

"Don't make me what..... forget it ass we got to go comfort our daughter!"

"Fuck You!"

"Fuck You too!"

"I'll just sleep in the guest house tonight!"

"Fine!" Mere ran inside and followed Lyss. Lyss ran immediately upstairs. Slammed the door, locked it, and pushed her desk up to block anyone from getting in. She sat on the floor her back leaning against the bed crying. She heard her sisters, brothers, mother, and father banging at the door begging to be let in. Lyss shook her head in response because she wasn't going to speak to them. She felt all the hurt and pain they caused welling up inside and she had to let it out. This wasn't part of the plan but it worked.

Seeing a blade underneath her bed she grasped it tightly in her shaking hand. The tears were still running and her doorknob still turning. Bringing the blade up to her wrist she dug it in deeply into her flesh, yet not deep enough to kill her. It hurt but it was a good hurt, like it was letting all the pain out. Seeing the blood well up she smiled with satisfaction. She did it on her other arm too. It felt like all the pain was rushing out of her body and she wished it could be like this all the time. It was like she was on a high.

Wanting more she did a few more times but not enough the she would bleed too much. Her body relaxed instantly. She grasped her wrists and breathed in deeply. She tucked the blade away where no one would find it because she knew it wasn't the last time she would do it. She had two people to blame it on, mer mom and dad. Everything that would happen to her, would be entirely their fault and only she would know it. A smile spread across her face as she realized she was no longer faking what she had been dreaming up for the past two years. Tonight it had become a reality.

Well this chapter is kind of self explanatory. (If you are pissed at Meredith and Derek I wouldn't blame ya.)

Please R&R!!


	24. Chapter 24: The Beginning

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

Yeah well this chapter is just the start. It explains what she did with her plan during the summer and what she is doing now. There is going to be huge fights coming up not necessarily in this chapter. Except for Alyssa's little break out, there is actually good Mer/Der, but I am sorry not gonna stay there for long.

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the ideas.

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For the past three months the plan had been building and escalating. For the first week after the incident she ignored everyone in the house except Hershey of course who loved her no matter what. That brought her to Step One. When she finally began talking to her parents again, it was short tempered, cranky, or harsh. As that seemed to get on their nerves she brought on Step Two. Slowly she began to introduce black into her daily wardrobe. Everything was long sleeve until she got really into it. If she didn't have long sleeves it was either not show her arms much or wear gloves.

Lyss even went far enough to getting her belly button pierced. Meredith and Derek were still constantly fighting. The guest house or the guest room in the house had practically become Derek's home because they didn't feel like putting up with each other. Every word they said to each other just made them fight more and more and as Lyss began to get more snappy and more distant, it didn't make matters any better.

Although Lyss was rebelling she wasn't going far enough to quit the things she loves. She still has travel field hockey, dance, and drama. She was even the only 7th grader to make the varsity field hockey team over her friends in school. It has been about three weeks into school so far and Lyss was only late so Derek or Meredith, whoever went into work early ending up driving her everyday today was an early day.

"Alyssa! Get down here now, you're late!" Meredith screamed up the steps. She could actually catch the bus if came down now. Upstairs Lyss was putting bandages on her wrists and slipping on her arm sleeves.

She came running down the stairs. She had a tight black mini skirt on with fish nets underneath. The tank top she wore barely covered her belly button ring which she had yet to show her parents. She had the arm sleeves barely covering her cuts, and large tie up boots. Her hair was down flat with blue streaks running through it, and her eyes were circled by dark eye liner.

"What the hell are you wearing young lady!" Meredith yelled appalled at what her daughter was wearing.

"Whatever Mom, it's cool" Lyss muttered rolling her eyes.

"No it's not Alyssa," Mere yelled.

"Big deal, I think it is," Lyss retorted.

"And what is is your hair!" Mere screeched gesturing toward the blue streaks.

"God, mom," she said taking a clip out. "They are just clip ins."

"Take them out now!" Mere yelled, Derek heard the commotion and came out, Jake and Kelsey followed. Jake stared at his older sister astonished.

"ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD!" Derek screamed. "You are not walking out of the house like that!"

"Fine," she said taking the clips out and putting them in her pocket. She rushed to grab a black coat and leggings. She slipped the coat on. "Happy, I will put the leggings on in school, I am going to be late." She rolled her eyes ad tried to push her way out the door. She was stopped by Kelsey.

"Hey Lyss, it's not Halloween, you look like a freak," she smirked sticking her tongue out.

"It's not Halloween," Lyss imitated. "You're the freak, so shut up you little brat!" She lunged toward her scowling as Kels squealed and ran to hide behind Derek.

"Alyssa that's enough!" Derek said is voice getting louder.

"Whatever," Lyss said and pushed past him making her way out the door. She ran up the block just in time to catch the bus. Ali was the only one still on her bus.

"Lyss," she said astonished. "Your outfit it's....."

"It's what?" Lyss questioned harshly.

"Nothing," she said stealing a look to Paige and Hayley who shrugged and looked toward their sister with concern. Lyss just stared out the window with a frown on her face until putting her hair streaks in again. Before going into school she felt the pain again so she hid in a bush and cut herself again. She made it in the building in time but not to her homeroom.

She was sent to the disciplinarian's office who said it was her third time late. She then received a 11th period detention, she didn't care. As soon as she left his office she crumpled it up and threw it into the hallway. She wennt to it anyway, not wanting to rsik her parents finding out. After school she went to field hockey where she finished the run early and was able to leave practice before every one else. That time she used to cut again then catch the late bus.

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After Lyss left and Derek stormed angrily back to the kitchen Mere turned around and let out a sigh. When she finally got all their kids out of the house she was sort of happy she had maybe an hour before Derek had to go into work to talk to him.

"Derek," Mere said. "Derek, can we please talk without screaming at each other please."

"I don't start the screaming," Derek grumbled.

"Now you sound like a four year old," Mere rolled her eyes as Derek picked up his coffee to leave. Mere grabbed his shirt.

"It's not about us, it's about Lyss," Mere pleaded.

"What about Lyss," Derek questioned his eyes softening a little.

"What do you mean what about Lyss, haven't you noticed how she is acting," Meredith said.

"It's what teenagers do," Derek said bending down to pet Hershey who was begging to be let outside. Mere opened the back door.

"She just turned 13 6 months ago, I didn't start the whole rebellion thing till I was 16," Mere protested.

"Whatever," Derek grumbled.

"Do you even care," Meredith said starting to raise her voice.

"Of course I do, but she is scaring me," Derek said. "Did you see that outfit, and I swear I saw something sticking out wear her belly button was." He looked straight into Mere's eyes, showing his emotion.

"She scares me too," Mere said leaning into Derek who pulled her in close. "Did you see her outfit." Derek nodded and they stood still for a moment basking in their makeup.

"This feels good," he whispered.

"I missed you," Mere said looking up at him tears in his eyes.

"Don't worry Mere, we will get through this," he said kissing her on the head.

"Okay," she said kissing him. "Love you."

"Love you too," Derek said as she walked upstairs to take a shower.

When Mere went into work she was practically floating through the wings of the hospital. Her and Derek finally made up their fight that had been practically going on for the past 3 months. You know the past three months Lyss's plan has been in action.

"Mere, someone looks happy," Izzie smirked.

"What Iz," she said turning to Izzie.

"I said someone looks happy," she repeated.

"Me and Derek made up but...."

"You made up?"

"Yes."

"Was there sex involved."

"No Iz."

"Then what's the but about?"

"Alyssa."

"Alyssa? What's wrong with Lyss?"

"I don't know."

"How do you not know."

"I mean she is acting different."

"Mere you have to elaborate here, I haven't seen her in a while."

"She has changed completely. You should have seen what she wore this morning."

"Come on Mere, it couldn't be that bad."

"It was all black Iz. A short black skirt, a shirt showing her midriff, boots, fish nets, and blue streaks in her hair. BLUE STREAKS!"

"Wow."

"She reminds me when I was in high school."

"I'm sure it's just a phase Mere."

"I sure hope you're right Iz, I sure hope you're right."

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Okay well, yeah. You can see how strong Lyss's emotions are and it only got that way because she manipulated it. She is sick, and she realizes this but she tricked her mind that it's just a part of her plan. That is until something big happens and it gets so out of control it kind of scares her. It no longer becomes just a part of her plan, she really does feel all of the things that happens. Just to let you know, no more Meredith and Derek forgetting her, now it's more like worry, and anger. Well you will see. Anyway this is just kind of a beginning and explanation of what's gonna come. I am gonna continue to do it like this though, have a section for Lyss, what she does, and her thoughts, and either Meredith's or Derek's.

Don't worry Lyss will get help eventually, but it's not from therapy or anything. Something big happens to the family which makes her realize...... WOOPS! Giving to much away here. :) Hope you Enjoy!

Please R&R!!

I WANT AT LEAST 7 REVIEWS BEFORE I POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	25. Chapter 25: The Next Step

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

This chapter is about the tension between all the siblings because of Lyss's behavior. Also here you see the beginning of the latest problem which will eventually put Meredith and Derek on the rocks. At least they are paying attention to Lyss now but is it the attention she really wants?

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the ideas.

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"Alyssa, Dinner!" Mere screamed up the steps for the third time. Everyone was already at the table and they could hear her music blasting. Mere stormed up the stairs giving Derek a look who was as surprised as she was and banged on the door.

"Alyssa, open this door now, time for dinner!" Mere screamed. She heard the music turn off and Lyss stalk angrily.

"Fine, whatever," she said pushing past Mere and running down the steps to take her place at the table beside Jake. He looked up and her with wide scared eyes and she just scowled. Before anyone could notice she rolled down her sleeves. Meredith followed her, her eyes narrowing angrily. She took her place at the table and the family began to eat.

"Hey Dad, Mom," Lyss said not looking up.

"What?" Mere said annoyed.

"Can I go to the movies friday night with Bryan," she said looking up.

"Who's Bryan," Derek asked warily.

"My boyfriend, duh, met him in the beginning of the summer," Lyss replied harshly.

"You alone with a boy, no!" Derek said firmly. Lyss muttered something under her breath.

"I don't like that idea either Lyss," Meredith said.

"Why," Lyss scowled. "He's not gonna hurt me!"

"But your only 13," Derek said angrily.

"Keyword 13, I am a teenager," she said. "What's the big deal."

"The big deal is that we only just let Sophia start dating alone," Meredith said trying to stay calm, but with Lyss's rising voice and short remarks it was pretty hard. Mere observed Derek was having a hard time as well.

"So, I'm not her," she screamed. "I'm not a Mommy or Daddy's girl." She imitated a little baby voice.

"HEY!" Sophia screamed.

"HEY!" Lyss mocked. "You know it's true."

"Is not," Sophia said.

"Yeah that's mature."

"Yeah and who's the one who looks like a freak."

"Come on Paige doesn't look that bad."

"Alyssa!" Paige shrieked.

"Let's not forget Daddy and Mommy's other baby," she mocked looking at Hayley.

"Lyss stop it," Hayley said. Kelsey snickered.

"And let's not forget the BRAT!" she screamed at Kelsey who flinched. "The one Mommy and Daddy can't say no to."

"Hey," Kels whined. Jake put his hand on Lyss's shoulder trying to calm her down. Instead she swiped his hand away and flashed him a look.

"Oh, woops I forget the boys too," Lyss said staring at both Noah and Jake. There was a loud clamor of fighting as Meredith and Derek watched in shock.

"ENOUGH!" Derek yelled. "ALYSSA YOU CAN NOT GO TO THE MOVIES ALONE WITH A BOY AND THAT'S FINAL!" Lyss didn't flinch she just stared at her father, eyes wild with anger.

"Lyss, stop it, all of you go to your rooms," Mere added getting up.

"GLADLY!" Lyss screamed got up and ran to her room. Everyone else got up more slowly and sadly. This was the first time anyone but Kels and Lyss fought that badly. Alyssa, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige were always close and now it seemed that could never include Lyss again. Everyone knew something was wrong just didn't know what. Sophia turned to her parents with tear filled eyes.

"Mom, Dad, what's wrong with her," she said coming up to hug them.

"I don't know sweetie," Mere said.

"can we trade her in for a better sister," Kelsey said.

"Kels," Derek said sternly. "Let's not make things worse."

Upstairs Lyss was thinking of a plan. She looked at her arms, they needed time to heal before she could cut again but she felt the pain welling up inside her again. She started to shake violently as she had done that night that put her over the edge. She looked in the mirror.

"What has happened to me," she whispered. Her plan was never supposed to become this bad. She loved her siblings, even Kelsey in her own special way. She loved her parents,, but when she talked to them she couldn't help but mouth off and scream. She just wanted them to pay more attention too her. Through the vent she heard them talking. They were talking about her.

"They are paying attention," she said happily. But when she heard the next words out of their mouths she frowned. It was still not enough for them to care. She sat down on her bed and looked straight. If they were gonna treat her like a baby, she was going to have to force them to let her. Even if it meant lying.

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After reassuring Sophia and the rest of her kids Mere angrily walked to the kitchen clearing the table.

"Ughh!" she groaned.

"Mere if she's gonna act like this......" Derek said.

"The point is Derek why is she acting like this!"

"Mere calm down."

"How can I calm down when Lyss is out of control!"

"Mere please." He put his hand of her shoulder.

"No Derek, the hate in her eyes. It scares me so much."

"Mere you are blowing this way out of proportion."

"No, you don't see the seriousness of the situation."

"Mere stop it!"

"Why, she's my daughter!"

"She's my daughter too. You are making matters worse."

"I'm making matters worse, it seems like you don't even care!"

"I don't care!"

"Yes, you don't care!"

"Mom, Dad," they heard Lyss call walking down the steps, she still sounded angry but it wasn't as bad.

"Alyssa, we are in here," Mere said. She shot derek a glare to cool down.

"Um I just wanted to say I took a reality check and I have a compromise," Lyss said although she was faking it.

"What kind of compromise," Derek inquired.

"It wasn't the fact I wanted to go with Bryan I wanted to see the movie," Lyss began. "So I called Ali, Nikki, and Hannah, and they could come, so can we please go." She looked as repentant as possible.

"Uhhh..." Mere hesitated.

"No!" Derek said.

"WHAT?! Why not!" Lyss said trying to stay calm, this is what she wanted. Wasn't working.

"Derek, maybe we should let her go," Mere said.

"Really?" Lyss said astonished.

"NO!" Derek repeated more firmly.

"Derek," Mere warned. "You can go tomorrow."

"Thanks Mom," she said and ran upstairs shooting a look at Derek.

"Why the hell did you do that Mere!" Derek screamed when she left.

"Derek," Mere said sounding exhausted.

"She doesn't deserve to go!"

"If we don't let her go, she will resent us even more."

"I don't care! If she is gonna act like this, she is gonna pay the consequences!"

"Derek stop!"

"No Mere you stop, I am sleeping in our bed. Choose either the couch, the guest room, or the guest house cause I am not sleeping with you tonight!"

"Fine Derek, be an ass about it!" He stormed upstairs as Mere let out a sigh. This was not the time to fight again. If this kept up nothing would ever be the same again.

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Yeah so Lyss is going out with anyone but Ali, Nikki, and Hannah! Okay so her new behavior is coming between her and her sisters. This makes all her siblings upset. She also realizes what she is doing is hurting her family but pretty soon it become uncontrollable. Also her whole plan about going to the movies with her friends, well you can probably guess. I am still open for ideas if anyone has any. THANKS!

Don't worry Lyss will get help eventually, but it's not from therapy well a little but what happens is kind of therapeutic. Something big happens to the family which makes her realize...... WOOPS! Giving to much away here. :) Hope you Enjoy!

Please R&R!!

I WANT AT LEAST 7 REVIEWS BEFORE I POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	26. Chapter 26: The Breaking Point

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

Thanks for all of the review. God, I asked for 7 and I got 15 thanks so much! Okay now well this chapter has a Lyss/ Derek blowout and a Mer/Der fight. I know all of you like Mer/Der and trust me I do too but this story is kind of about the family falling apart and coming back together again..... eventually.

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"I'll meet you there Bryan," Lyss whispered into the phone.

"Yeah babe," Bryan said. "Why you whispering?"

"Parents," Lyss said. "So you have the tickets."

"Yes I do, see you there."

"Bye." Lyss said louder.

"Who ya talking to?" Mere asked.

"Oh it was just Ali," Lyss lied.

"Does she need a ride," Mere questioned.

"No," she answered quickly and angrily but when Mere looked surprised she added. "She has a ride, but there isn't enough room."

"Wait, who's going."

"Ali, Nikki, Hannah, Britt, and Ava." The truth was, she hasn't spoken to her friends since the first day of school but she hoped they would cover for her though. The only time she ever saw Ali was on the bus, and now Ali was afraid of her.

"Okay, but I can't drive you, Kelsey has dance, and Paige has softball." This got Lyss angry, she had to drive with her father.

"What!"

"Lyss, you're father is driving you or you aren't going at all." Lyss rolled her eyes and groaned. Mere gave her a look and turned to the kitchen. Lyss ran upstairs and threw on a mini jean skirt with black leggings, a black t-shirt with a large silver skull, and black slip ons with skulls on them too. She grabbed her clip in hair streaks and threw them in her purse that also contained 20 bucks. Before she left she cut her arms very slightly just to give it the satisfaction, so she would not be in a bad mood for her "date." Slipping on her arm sleeves she left her room.

"Dad, you ready to take me," she called harshly down the steps to where Derek was sitting on the couch.

"Sure," he said calmly until he saw what she was wearing. "No, you are not leaving the house like that young lady!"

"God Dad, it's just my friends!" Lyss screamed trying to control her anger.

"I don't care," Derek said.

"Dad, I am gonna be late, they are probably there already!" Lyss pleaded her eyes blazing with anger.

"You are not going out in public like that!" Derek yelled.

"You're impossible," Lyss screamed.

"What's going on," Mere said, Sophia, Hayley, and Kelsey behind her.

"She is not leaving the house like that," Derek said gesturing to his daughter's outfit. Kelsey snickered earning a glare from Lyss.

"Derek, you guys are late, it will be dark in the movies, plus her friends have seen her dress like this," Mere sighed.

Sophia and Hayley narrowed their eyes because they both knew she hasn't been speaking with them. Lyss shot them a look to keep quiet and looked back at her father.

"Let's go!" he said grudgingly. He angrily snatched his keys from the counter, glared at Mere, and stormed out the door to the car. Lyss exited equally as angry. The two drove there in silence. When they finally got to the movie theatre Lyss opened the door and tried to slam it but Derek stopped her.

"Where are your friends?" Derek said raising his eye brows.

"Inside, I was late because of you," she screamed sensing her father's mistrust and slammed the door.

"Goodbye," Derek added silently.

Lyss ran trying to avoid the rain and went inside. She avoided the ticket kiosk since Bryan had her ticket. She spotted him and ran towards him.

"BRYAN!" she said hugging him.

"Hey babe," he said hugging her back. "Let's go." They grabbed popcorn, candy, a soda, and went into the theatre. As the movie started she put her head on his shoulder and cuddled. He looked down and pulled her up. She looked into his eyes as he leaned forward. They began to kiss passionately and for that moment Lyss felt like she didn't need to cut, she didn't need to act out, everything was perfect. How long do you think that would last?

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Derek drove home angrily, he got home. Meredith dropped Paige and Kelsey at their activities probably taking everyone out somewhere. He went inside and sat down on the couch with a huff. He heard a beep outside so he got up and looked out the window. There he saw Hannah, Britt, Ava, Nikki, and Ali outside looking like they were having a sleepover. He rushed outside where Izzie, and Alex were talking to the other parents.

"Girls, I thought you were at the movies?" Derek said making Izzie and Alex turn around.

"Why would we be at the movies Uncle Derek?" Ali asked him.

"Lyss said you were going with her."

"We haven't seen or talked to Lyss in like 2 weeks," Nikki told him.

"She... she sorta abandoned us," Hannah said not meeting his eyes.

"Derek what's wrong," Izzie asked.

"That girl is in so much trouble!" he screamed.

"Derek man, who do you mean?" Alex said coming up next to him.

"Alyssa! I just dropped her off at the movies where she said the girls were with her," he told them and ran off to the car. Everyone's eyes widened. He got to the movie theatre quickly. Derekstormed inside where the ticket lady stopped him.

"Ticket please," she said.

"Uh...." he stuttered. "My daughter just came in here, she is in trouble."

"Say no more, what did she look like."

"Black t-shirt with large silver skull."

"Oh, her," she said looking at Derek with a look that said 'I can't believe you let your daughter dress like that.'

"Yes. Where did she go?"

"Theatre 5, she was with some boy."

"BOY!" he screamed and ran toward the direction of the theatre. He stormed in and immediately noticed the shape of a boy and girl kissing. Squinting he automatically recognized Lyss.

"ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD!"

"Shit," she muttered breaking away from Bryan looking at him sorrowfully. "Dad what are you doing here?"

"Shhh," the people surrounding them hissed.

"You're coming with me," he screamed grabbing her wrist and pulling away. She winced as he grasped it right on her cuts.

"Bye Bryan," Lyss said desperately as Derek drug her across the theatre. Her eyes were looking around embarrassed by she was welling up in anger as her father started screaming at her again.

"Dad, not HERE! YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!"

"You deserve to be embarrassed!" They were getting shocked and sympathetic glances. Lyss stormed off to the car tears welling up. The entire way home Derek was screaming at her at the top of his lungs. Lyss flinched at every word as the tears started falling.

"Dad, stop!" she screamed.

"I'LL STOP WHEN I'M READY YOUNG LADY!" He looked angrily over at his daughter who was looking more scared but her eyes were wild with anger. She looked the least bit repentant making Derek even angrier. As they pulled into the driveway Lyss opened the door and slammed it. Alex and Izzie were still outside. Izzie's eyes widened at the sight of Lyss and Alex's mouth dropped open.

"STOP TREATING ME LIKE A BABY!"

"I WILL WHEN YOU STOP ACTING LIKE ONE, WE TRUSTED YOU!"

"YOU WEREN'T TRUSTING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE US A REASON TO, LOOK HOW YOU'RE DRESSED!" Lyss mouth gaped, Alex and Izzie stood their in silence.

"YOU ARE SO UNFAIR!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO BE FAIR, I'M AM THE FATHER!"

"I HATE YOU!" She stormed inside, slamming the door. Derek looked over at Alex and Izzie, he shook his head and followed her in. Meredith had come to the door at the sound of the two of them fighting. When Lyss tried to storm past her she grabbed her by the arm.

"Lyss what happened?" she asked. Lyss didn't answer, she tried to get away from her grip but Mere kept a tight hold. "Lyss what happened?" she repeated.

"Oh, I'd like to hear her explanation," Derek screamed from behind. "Her friends were not at the movies, she was with Bryan!"

"YOU WERE WITH WHO!" Mere screamed at Lyss.

"He is my boyfriend, GOD!"

"That doesn't make it right!" Derek screamed.

"You shouldn't have lied to us Lyss," Mere said trying to calm everyone down.

"SO!" Lyss screamed.

"ALYSSA DANIELLE...."

"Don't middle name me mom, i am not a baby!"

"Again with the baby thing, IF YOU WEREN'T A BABY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!" Derek yelled grabbing a hold of Lyss's arm as she tried to run.

"LET GO OF ME," Lyss screamed accidentally hitting Derek.

"YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR A MONTH ALYSSA DANIELLE!" he screamed is face turning red.

"FINE I....."

"And you're gonna have more chores to do, walking Hershey, dishes, vacuuming, etc."

"FINE, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU BOTH! YOU ARE THE WORST PARENTS EVER!"

"ALYSSA!" Derek screamed.

"I HATE YOU!" she repeated and stormed upstairs.

"Derek," Meredith said exhausted. She put her hand on his shoulder and turned to look at kids who gathered to watch the fight.

"IF YOU DIDN'T AGREE TO LET HER GO, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!" he screamed in her face making her cringe.

"Derek don't blame me, it's neither of our faults."

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HER GO! I SAID NO! YOU SAID YES!" His children's mouth gaped as Meredith eyes began to well up with tears.

"Derek please!" Mere cried starting to shake.

"I can't believe I am married to you," Derek hissed under his breath. Everyone gasped and Meredith's tears started to spill over.

"Derek," she whimpered.

"MEREDITH IF YOU WOULD HAVE RAISED HER BETTER......" This got her angry.

"ME YOU RAISED HER TOO!"

"SHE ALWAYS LOVED ME!"

"AND SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME!"

Upstairs Lyss was crying and listening to their conversation the blade sitting next to her.

"MEREDITH......" Derek started but stopped. He looked at her then his kids, he turned around, grabbed his keys and his coat and stormed out the door.

"Derek," Meredith cried out desperately. She started sobbing and shaking staring at the door he disappeared from.

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When Lyss is in her room crying it is because she is afraid of herself. She has destroyed her family, and is crying more because of Meredith and Derek's fight rather then her own with her parents. This is the brinking point when her pain and sadness becomes uncontollable. I am still open for ideas if anyone has any. THANKS!

Don't worry Lyss will get help eventually, but it's not from therapy well a little but what happens is kind of therapeutic. Something big happens to the family which makes her realize...... WOOPS! Giving to much away here. :) Hope you Enjoy!

Please R&R!!

I WANT AT LEAST 8 REVIEWS BEFORE I POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	27. Chapter 27: Big Surprises

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

You know I realized that it doesn't matter how many reviews I get but wow 14, thats awesome, thank you. Okay well I won't be able to update again today unless I have extremely fast typing hands all of a sudden cause I have a sleepover, bonfire, thingy to go to tonight, so yeah. Also I just had like 5 cups of coffee so maybe it is possible. Who knows. Okay this is the chapter you have all been waiting for. She find out something really big that will destroy her relationship with her parents eventually, their relationship, but will create a small bond between sisters again. Although it is kind of hard to forgive her after the fight they had previously.

I would like to thank hhsprincess for the idea, she gave me the idea of the whole "big thing."

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It has been two weeks since the huge fight and the family has been living in complete silence. That night Derek came back drunk and slept in the guest house where he has been living at the past few weeks. Meredith had an emotional break down and has returned to seeing her therapist, Dr. Wyatt. Lyss has been doing her newly added chores never speaking a word to anyone, not to mention sneaking out every night to get wasted. It was her new form of comfort since her arms had yet to heal. Sophia has taken charge of the younger kids when their mother and father were absent.

Sophia looked at the clock, if her parents got home on time, they would notice that Lyss was not home. She had called her cell five times until she realized that Meredith and Derek took it from her. It was 5:00, she should have come home from school 2 hours ago. If her parents came home and she wasn't there, they would have another blowout which is the last thing the deteriorating family needed. It was 5:15 when she finally arrived. Lyss stormed though the door, a pharmacy bag in her hand.

"Lyss, where have you been," Sophia asked.

"Out," Lyss said nonchalantly trying to push past her sister.

"Your grounded unless you forgot."

"Fine, then I was in detention."

"For what!"

"I skipped English."

"Why did you do that, hasn't our family suffered enough already because of your behavior."

"Obviously not."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hayley said coming into the living room.

"That means you all have yet to realize."

"Realize what?" Paige asked following Hayley out of the kitchen.

"If you have to ask, then you obviously don't care enough too notice."

"We do care Lyss, your our little sister," Sophia said putting her hand on her shoulder.

"Never, think we've stopped caring, ever, cause we won't," Paige added.

"It's just you are scaring us so much right now, we don't know what to do," Hayley said coming up to Lyss's other side. Lyss looked up at them and smiled, barely, but it was there.

"Thanks," she said quietly. That's when Mere walked through the door. She slammed down the keys, obvious she had met Derek in the driveway.

"Hi Mom," Hayley, Paige, and Sophia said quietly.

"Hi girls," she said looking expectantly at Lyss, but she turned away. Meredith sighed and went to the kitchen. She kissed Noah, Kelsey, and Jake on the head while they did their homework. She noticed there was a message on the answering machine, she pressed the button and the weak smile she had on her face faded instantly.

"ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD COME IN HERE NOW!" she screamed as Paige, Hayley, and Sophia pushed her to the kitchen.

"What is this about skipping English," she yelled at her daughter who was staring defiantly.

"English is pointless, my teacher judges me and I am sick of it," Lyss told her mother.

"That doesn't give you an excuse young lady," Mere yelled.

"Why does it even matter, I got punished in school, I did get detention!"

"Well now you are getting punished here, you are grounded for two more weeks!"

"That's so unfair!"

"Until you stop acting like this you don't deserve to be treated fairly!"

"YOUR SO MEAN!"

"TOUGH!" Lyss stormed upstairs but instead of going to her room, she slammed the bathroom door shut. Mere let out a sigh and picked her keys up again.

"Mom, where are you going," Kelsey asked who stood up after the fight. Now even she felt sorry and was not happy Lyss kept getting in trouble.

"The Archfield," Mere answered.

"Why," Sophia asked.

"Your Aunt Addie's back in town, I wanted to visit her."

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She knocked on room 304, anxiously waiting to see her friend. There were tears in her eyes, she had cried the entire was over. Mere was sick of fighting with Lyss and it broke her heart, she wished that she could find out what was wrong with her. She heard the doorknob turn as a friendly red-head greeted her from the other side.

"Meredith, it good to see....." Addie broke off abruptly noticing her friends tears. "What's wrong?"

"Addie, I don't know what to do," Mere cried.

"Come in Mere," she said embracing her friend. "What happened?"

"I don't know Addie, it's Lyss," Mere explained still crying.

"What about Lyss?" she asked.

"It started during the summer, she started to pick fights with me, Derek, and her siblings constantly." Mere started. "Then she started to where black clothes, and now...... she is getting out of control."

"Oh Mere I am so sorry, how are you and Derek handling it?"

"Derek, he isn't doing anything about it, we haven't spoken in weeks. Every time we speak we end up fighting and it's just too hard. Same with Lyss. I am so scared, our family is falling apart and I can't stop it."

"Shhh," Addie said hugging her friend. "You'll get through it, you two always do."

"That's the point, we don't even have the time to work it out, he is living in the guest house, only coming in when i am not home."

"Mere, you two just need some space."

"That's what I thought when the fighting first started but now it seems impossible."

"You still have the kids."

"Lyss is getting so distant that it is tearing them apart too."

"I am so sorry."

"I just want thing to get back to normal, I wanna know what's wrong."

"Meredith......."

"Addie, I have to go, see you in the hospital."

"But Mere...."

"Bye Addie."

"Bye Mere."

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Meanwhile, the girls back at home stared at the door where Meredith had disappeared from. It didn't take long to be snapped back from that thought when Noah was hungry. The started boiling water for spagetti, had it come to a boil, cooked it, and served it out. Sophia called up for Lyss.

"Lyss, dinner," she called she got no answer.

"Lyss dinner!" Paige echoed louder then her.

"Not hungry," she called down and the kids sat down to eat. They were interrupted by Lyss in the bathroom.

"NO!" she screamed followed by loud sobbing. Sophia and the twins' heads shot up, got up from the table, and rushed to the bathroom door which was locked.

"Lyss, open up please," Sophia said banging on the door. She was answered by loud uncontrollable sobbing. She reached up for the key and stuck it in the door.

"Lyss, we're coming in," Hayley said concerned. The door unlocked and opened to see Lyss curled up on the floor crying.

"Oh my god Lyss what is wrong?" Paige asked running up to her sisters side foollowed by Sophia and hayley.

"Lyss, answer us," Hayley coaxed.

"How?" she answered quietly.

"How what?" Sophia questioned pushing her hair out of her face.

"How did it happen?" she said just as quietly.

"How did what happen Lyss, you are not making any sense," Paige said kneeling down.

"I don't know how it happened," Lyss said a little louder.

"What?" Hayley asked putting her hand on her arm.

"I'm.... I'm," Lyss stuttered.

"Your what Lyss," Sophia asked concerned. There was an eerie silence filling the house as Lyss answered.

"I'm pregnant......"

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...... There you go, so what do you think about it?

Don't worry Lyss will get help eventually, but it's not from therapy well a little but what happens is kind of therapeutic. Something big happens to the family which makes her realize...... WOOPS! Giving to much away here. :) Hope you Enjoy!

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	28. Chapter 28: Unfortunate Findings

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

Yeah don't have much to say bout the last chapter so yeah. HE! HE! But this chapter, it kind of creates a bond with the girls again. She also seeks medical attention for the baby. No Mer/Der point of view, strictly focusing on Lyss, sisters, and others but I don't wanna give it away. Also, trust me, it will work out in the end, and I will give one little thing away, she doesn't have the baby. I won't say if it's a miscarriage, abortion, or anything else but I will tell you it fits in with the "serious illness." The pregnancy thing is just there to create more tension before well something really big happens. Bear with me please, i promise it won't ruin the story. It's actually only gonna really last like 4 chapters at the most.

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"YOUR WHAT!" Sophia screamed and jumped back.

"I don't know how, I don't even remember," Lyss explained.

"You had sex Lyss, got pregnant, what the hell," Hayley yelled.

"Bryan, he said it was a good idea, said the only way he would be my girlfriend.."

"That's no excuse, how are you gonna tell Mom and Dad?" Paige hissed.

"I... don't know," she said.

"What are you gonna do?" Sophia urged.

"I DON'T KNOW," Lyss screamed. "THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO GET LIKE THIS!" Lyss turned away from them, buried her head in her knees, and started sobbing.

"What do you mean Lyss," Sophia said, her gaze softening.

"Lyss," Hayley sighed and turned her towards them. This is the first time she really got a full look at her sister. She looked extremely pale and she looked too skinny.

"I did this on purpose," she said motioning to her outfit.

"WHAT?' the girls said in unison.

"Did you ever notice how little attention hey pay to me," Lyss explained. "How much I feel stuck in the middle. It was just supposed to get them to pay attention," she started crying harder.

"Lyss," Paige said bending down beside her sister again.

"Wait," Lyss said. "It just got out of control, and now I am scared. I don't wanna have a baby, I am 13."

"I know, maybe you can go to Aunt Izzie..." Paige suggested.

"NO!" Before she could say more she turned to the toilet and started throwing up. The three girls rubbed her back held her hair back until she was finished.

"Lyss, you need help," Sophia urged. "Unless you want me to tell Mom, and Dad."

"NO!" Lyss screamed but added. "Fine, I will see her tomorrow on the weekend. I will avoid dad at the hospital, but you need to cover for me with mom. And just please don't tell Kelsey."

"Wouldn't dream of it Lyss," Sophia laughed wiping away her sisters tears.

"We will cover for you," Hayley promised.

"Thanks, guys your the best, I am sorry for...."

"It's okay Lyss," Paige told her and hugged her tightly.

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The next day Lyss locked her door, and climbed out her window using a series off tightly knotted blankets. She took the bus to the hospital and slipped in easily unnoticed. She saw her father had surgery at that moment on the OR board so she took her chance. She spotted Aunt Izzie at the nurses station tapping her pager as if she wanted something to do.

She whispers her name from around the corner.

"Aunt Izzie." Her head shoots up and starts looking around. "Aunt Izzie." she repeated.

"Lyss is that you," Izzie said loudly looking around the corner.

"Shhh," she said motioning for her to come over there.

"Lyss what's wrong," she asked lowering her voice.

"I need your help," Lyss said tears beginning to run down her face.

"What's wrong," Iz murmured, concerned.

"I think I am...." she broke off and started crying.

"Lyss you don't mean," Izzie gasped shocked. Lyss nodded and started to cry harder.

"Oh Lyss," Izzie said grabbing her tightly as she shook.

"It wasn't supposed to work out this way," she cried.

"Wait what do you mean," Izzie said breaking apart to look Lyss in the eye.

"I..."

"You know what, explain later, lets get you examined." She quickly followed Izzie into a examination room. Lyss sat on the examination table as she watched Izzie look both ways and shut the blinds. Then she turned back to Lyss who stopped crying, but was whimpering, and got the ultra sound.

"Okay Lyss lie down, and this will feel a little cold," she said putting the gel on her exposed stomach. She moved the wand around until she saw the tiny figure on the screen.

"Lyss I am sorry," Izzie said. Lyss looked at the screen and started crying again.

"Lyss it looks like your 8 weeks," Iz informed her.

"That sounds about right," Lyss whispered. She remembered the night _it _happened. Lyss had only just started to become goth and her parents still felt guilty. So this meant that they were giving her a lot of freedom. When she was supposed to be at a four hour field hockey clinic, Bryan and her snuck away, went on the ferry, and broke into her parents cabin.

_"Um..." Lyss stuttered. "There.... there is food and... cable if you want.." She was really nervous. Bryan was extremely hot and definitely fit in with her new black image. He had just asked her out twp weeks ago and Lyss was going to extreme measures to make sure she didn't seem like a dork._

_"That's not what I want," Bryan said taking a step towards her._

_"Then what..." Lyss began._

_"I want you," Bryan murmured and took a few more steps closer._

_"WHAT?" Lyss exclaimed and leaped back, away from him._

_"Your already 13..." Bryan said. "I was 12 when I lost mine... that was already 3 years ago."_

_"I don't..." Lyss began and watched, wide eyed, as Bryan began unbuckling his pants. She knew she was too young but she didn't want to mess this up._

_"Listen," Bryan hissed making Lyss flinch. "You want to be my girlfriend... right?"_

_"Yeah," Lyss stuttered._

_"Then," Bryan murmured seductively. "Do as I say and take off your pants." She really wanted him to be her boyfriend so she took a shaky step forward. "Good."_

_Roughly Bryan grabbed her arm and made his own way to her pants. A few seconds later her jeans were around her ankles._

_"Bryan I..." Lyss began, beginning to feel uncomfortable._

_"Shut up," he whispered as he ripped of his shirt, and lifted Lyss's off her body._

_"I don't," Lyss whimpered as he unclasped her bra._

_"You haven't tried to stop me yet, that means you want it as much as me," he told her gruffly as he started to suck on her neck._

_"Okay," Lyss breathed and drew a shaky breath. He was 15, and so hot. What he said made some sense so Lyss went with it. Her eyes widened in shock as Bryan stood naked in front of her. Lyss swallowed the lump in her throat as her own underwear was thrown to the floor. _

_In one instant Lyss was thrown back on the bed and Bryan was on top of her. He looked down into her scared eyes and his hand found his way to her clit. Lyss whimpered and tensed. She didn't like this at all._

_"Hush babe," Bryan whispered and began rubbing it harder until his finger pushed through. Lyss recoiled in shock and bit her lip, trying not to scream. She was stunned in pain. "I know this is your first time... I'll be gentle... I promise. I just want you loose." She breathed a sigh of relief. Bryan did really care for her._

_Her thoughts changed when he actually entered her. This hurt a lot more. As he kept thrusting Lyss got more and more scared. More and more reluctant. She wanted it over, and fast.  
_

_"Bryan," she whimpered. "I... I don't want to do it anymore."_

_"You got to let me finish babe," he answered gruffly and began sucking her neck again. Lyss tried to stop from moaning but it was like she couldn't control it. She figured this was okay since Bryan was doing it a lot._

_"It's called an orgasm," Bryan scoffed, feeling her tension. "Just go with it. It means you want this." She wanted this?  
_

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know sweetheart, and if you don't mind me asking..."

"It's Bryan, the guy me and my dad fought over two weeks ago, I saw you and Uncle Alex standing there."

"Lyss you have to tell him, and your parents too."

"I know I will eventually, but please just don't tell anyone."

"I won't..." Izzie said as she was interrupted by the door opening. Alex came in.

"UNCLE ALEX!" Lyss cried out as he noticed her on the table.

"Lyss, are you....?" he asked. Izzie shook her head disapprovingly, and held Lyss as she started crying again. "Lyss I am sorry," Alex said coming up to the table.

"Karev, what are you doing in here," Bailey said coming in, behind her Cristina. It was obvious they had heard Lyss's cry.

"NO!" Lyss cried out and started shaking harder burying her head in her knees. Izzie struggled to keep a firm grip on her.

"Oh my god!" Christina whispered.

"Alyssa," Bailey choked out in shock.

"Dr. Bailey, what's going on in here," Richard said opening the door.

This time Lyss had no reaction, she just started crying even harder as silence filled the room.

"Shhh," Izzie coaxed still holding her tightly, well more like heaving because her body was shaking uncontrollably.

"Why me?" she cried.

"Lyss," Richard said still shocked.

"I bet you are all wondering what happened?" Lyss said trying to calm down. It wasn't working. "It wasn't supposed to happen, it was just supposed to get their attention." she cried.

"Wait Lyss who are you talking about," Alex asked.

"My parents!" she sobbed. "I was sick of it, sick of being left out. Sick of being stuck in the middle. I had to do something to get their attention and it was just supposed to be changing the way I looked. That's why I look like this." She motioned to the black clothes. "But then, it started to get out of hand, and I couldn't stop it, and now I am scared. Not just scared that they won't help me, but scared of myself." She let out a gasp and started crying again. Everyone in the room was silent.

"I am an embarrassment to this family."

"Half-pint, how could you say that," Christina said.

"We all love you, why else would we still be in this room," Bailey told her coming up next to her.

"Do your parents know you feel that way," Richard asked her.

"No, how could I tell them, especially after this."

"They will understand." Izzie said.

"No, they won't I wouldn't be surprised if they threw me out." Everyone looked at her in disbelief. "I am the reason they are fighting... maybe they could save their marriage if they just got rid of me. The family could forget all about little messed up Lyss and live happily with their lives."

"Lyss your parents love you," Alex protested.

"They have a funny way off showing it," Lyss cried. "As soon as I tell them they'll probably ship me off to a convent."

"Alyssa," Bailey said. "Look at me." Lyss avoided her gaze until she repeated. "Look at me."

When Miranda saw Lyss's green eyes, she continued. "Your parents love you, we all love you, there is no way that that will ever change. No matter what happens you will be okay, you will get through this, you have every one of us in this rooms support and I am pretty sure everyone else's. We won't leave you alone... ever."

"But I'm so scared," Lyss sobbed. "I'm going to be a mother at 13..."

"Oh sweetheart I know," Miranda sighed. "I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but I promise it will be okay in the long run. And when you have your little girl or boy well..."

"Have you thought about what you are going to do yet Lyss?" Richard asked.

"Do you know your options," Alex sighed. "You know you don't have to keep him or her..."

"You can... um... abort... or adoption or..." Cristina began.

"Adoption," Lyss whispered through her tears. She placed her hand on her stomach. "He or she deserves better then what I can give him or her. And I could never abort..."

"You've thought about this haven't you," Izzie sighed. Lyss nodded. Her body finally stopped shaking and the tears stopped falling.

"I think I have actually known for a week... before I took the test," Lyss admitted.

_Lyss woke up to the sound of Hershey barking. She needed to take her out. The house was very quiet as Lyss walked down the stairs sleepily. She was very surprised when she found the house empty. On the kitchen table sat a note._

_Lyss,_

_I didn't want to wake you. You have been working hard on your extra chores and deserve rest. Hershey has been walked and dishes have been done. We all went out for breakfast but we will bring you something back._

_-With all my love, Mom_

_Lyss smiled. Her parents didn't really deserve what she was doing. Maybe they were finally starting to get it. Maybe she could stop her rebellion soon and tell them the truth. Lyss turned around and stumbled. Her hip was throbbing. She must have hurt it sometime in field hockey. As Lyss was rubbing her hip her stomach lurched._

_As quick as she could Lyss ran towards the bathroom and started throwing up into the toilet._

_"Ugh," she moaned and sat up. Lyss got up and looked in the mirror. She didn't look sick. She looked pale and thin but... she always was. Why would she be sick? There was one thing she noticed. She had boobs. She wasn't as flat as she usually was in the breast area. It seems like they just appeared or she had been too busy or too angry to ever notice._

_Her stomach felt like it did before she got her period. But she hadn't gotten it this month. That got Lyss thinking. She didn't get it last month either...  
_

"You're gonna be okay Lyss," Miranda reassured. "We've got your back."

"Thank you," she said weakly and looked up at everyone in the room.

"Lyss, when are you gonna tell your parents," Christina asked..

"Eventually, soon, I promise," she told them.

"Okay but......" Izzie started but Lyss interrupted.

"Uncle Richard, what time does my dad get out of surgery?" she asked.

"He should be out now, why?" he told her.

"Then I have to go," she said getting up accidently exposing the under side of her arms. Realizing this she pulled her sleeve down quickly and ran out of the room quickly before any one could protest.

"Lyss," Alex called after her.

"Did you see?" Christina asked.

"What the hell was that?" Izzie said.

"Is she?" Bailey gasped.

"I don't believe it." Richard said.

"Are we sure?" Christina asked.

"No," Izzie said. All five doctors looked at the open door where Lyss ran out. "Can I?"

"Don't even think about it Izzie," Richard said. "Doctor, patient confidentiality."

"But," she protested.

"No.... that goes for all of you," he said.

"I still can't believe," Alex said.

"I know," Richard said.

"Our Lyss," Miranda whispered.

"Unbelievable," Christina and Izzie said in unison.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don't worry Lyss will get help eventually, but it's not from therapy well a little but what happens is kind of therapeutic. Something big happens to the family which makes her realize...... WOOPS! Giving to much away here. :) Hope you Enjoy!

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	29. Chapter 29: Alone

****

Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope I still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

Anyway, this chapter is going to be the big one, what gets Lyss, Derek, and Meredith really, really out of control, I mean like a blowout fight. Guess you can kind of guess what's gonna happen. Okay and soon there will be no more question and trust me, there is gonna be more Meredith and Derek in future chapters but I have to focus on Lyss just a little more.

* * *

Lyss ran out of the hospital closely followed by Izzie.

"Lyss, wait," she called.

"What, Aunt Izzie, it's bad enough I am only 13 years old and pregnant, I don't need my parents even more mad at me if they find out I snuck out, especially after I was grounded for 2 more weeks yesterday because I cut English," Lyss said. Izzie narrowed her eyes as Lyss said this but continued.

"I know but you need to take these," Iz said handing her a bottle of some pills. "They are prenatal vitamins."

"Okay, thanks," Lyss said hugging her one last time.

"Don't worry Lyss, it will all blow over," Izzie said comfortingly although she knew that was almost impossible. She kissed her gently on her forehead.

"Okay, Bye," she called as she ran to catch the bus. Izzie let out a sigh and returned to the hospital. Lyss had a difficult time climbing back up to her window. She fell twice and kept hitting her hip on the shingles which caused more pain then she already had. When she finally made it she limped over to the door and unlocked it before sticking her head out

"Lyss," Paige exclaimed as she saw her sister.

"Hey," Lyss murmured limped up towards her.

"What's wrong?" Paige asked noting the limp.

"Nothing," Lyss said. "So..."

"Lyss... you can't do this again... it was too hard."

"Was Mom suspicious?" Lyss asked.

"Yeah, she'll probably bring it up at dinner," Paige shrugged.

"I don't really know if I am up to it..." Lyss sighed holding her stomach.

"Morning sickness?" Paige questioned.

"More than that..." Lyss murmured. "I think I got a fever... and it's kinda hard to catch my breath since I ran. I just want to rest. Plus I am dizzy and I got a headache."

"Let me see," Paige said and felt her sister's head. "Hmm... it does seem like your a little sick. But school on Monday..."

"I'll be fine by then... I am fine," Lyss shrugged. She turned around and Paige gasped. Lyss head whipped back. "What?"

"What's this?" she asked motioning to her shorts. Gently Paige lifted them up and revealed this big ugly bruise, the size of a baseball. Lyss winced. "What happened?"

"Field hockey," Lyss told her. "Got hit with a ball."

"It's never been this bad, trust me, I have seen them all," Paige worried.

"It's fine," Lyss said and turned back around. Paige saw another and stopped her. Gently she lifted up her shirt a revealed a series of bruises.

"Lyss," she breathed. Lyss pulled it down.

"I've snuck out before Paige," she spat harshly. "It's not the easy to keep your balance, I fall a lot."

"You sure Lyss," Paige whispered and reached up towards her little sister's face to stroke her cheek. She was so worried.

"Yes," Lyss insisted. "Now I just want to rest."

"I'll bring your dinner up. Some tylenol too," Paige told her.

"Thanks," Lyss shrugged and turned away. But Paige grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug.

"It's gonna be okay Lyss," she whispered in her ear. "Just remember I love you." Lyss smiled slightly.

"I know," she murmured. "I love you too."

* * *

"Where's Lyss," Meredith asked as she sat down at the table. Sophia and Hayley looked at Paige, they didn't even know she was home yet. "She's been shut up in her room all day."

"She doesn't feel good... she came out in the hallway to go to the bathroom and I saw her. I felt her head and it seemed like she had a fever," Paige answered.

"Oh... well... does she need me?" Mer asked hopefully.

"She just said she wanted to rest," Paige murmured.

"Oh..." Mere sighed.

"I told her I'd bring her up tylenol and food later," Paige said.

"Okay... you do that," Meredith said distractedly. Paige looked up into her mother's eyes and saw the hurt and tears. The dinner was finished in silence. Meredith went to the couch with Noah after while Hayley, Paige, and Sophia were in the kitchen.

"So... Lyss looked really bad?" Hayley asked.

"Yeah..." Paige sighed. "And she was covered in bruises, she said she fell when she went out the window."

"We can't let her sneak out like that anymore," Sophia shook her head. "It's way too dangerous.... she can really hurt herself."

"I don't think we have much of a say in this matter," Hayley murmured. "She'll do it anyway, it's Lyss we are talking about..."

"The fever... do you think it was..." Paige looked around to see if anyone was listening. "The baby."

"Maybe... do you think we should check on her?" Sophia asked.

"Yeah," Hayley and Paige both nodded as they grabbed Lyss's tray, warmed it up, got some tylenol, and brought it to the door.

"Lyss," Sophia said gently knocking on the door. "Lyss. Lyss honey, it's Soph, Hayley, and Paige, are you okay?" There was no answer and Sophia turned the door knob. She was surprised it was open. Lyss's new habits these days meant the door was almost always locked. They stepped in the room and saw that Lyss was sprawled out on her bed asleep. Sophia gasped at how bad she looked and how sick. They knew she felt sick because she wasn't snoring. For Lyss and her Mom for that sake meant they were definitely sick.

"Oh my god," she gasped and quickly shut the door.

"She didn't look that bad before," Paige whispered.

"Guys," Hayley murmured. "I think our little sister is sick.... really _really_ sick."

"What... what should we do," Paige fretted.

"We should tell Mom and Dad," Sophia said. "When they are both together though, at Mom and Kels's party."

"Okay," Paige breathed. "H-how did we even get this way, and how could she get this bad."

"I don't know," Sophia shook her head.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" Paige asked.

"A complication maybe... from... the baby?" Hayley shrugged.

"Or maybe she's has something.. something bad?" Sophia whispered.

"Whatever it is, we can't let it get any worse," Paige said. "She's our little sister and we shouldn't have let it get this far in the first place."

"Paige, we haven't been Lyss's favorite person since recently," Sophia said.

"I know," Paige muttered. "But I still blame myself."

"She's been blocking everyone out... even Noah, she snapped at him the other day, and she was always the one who was closest to him," Hayley told her.

"I am so scared," Paige fretted. "We're losing her and it hurts so much... she's slipping away from our family and Mom and Dad won't do anything about."

"What do you think they'll do about the baby?" Sophia asked.

"They won't send her away will they?" Paige said, terrified.

"They aren't cruel," Sophia reassured. "They would never do that... they love her... she is their daughter, and no matter how many fights they have, deep down, they will always love her."

"Maybe sending her away is a good thing?" Hayley said.

"What?!" Paige exclaimed. "Hayley how could you say something like that, she is our sister."

"Not away, away... I don't mean a convent.... maybe to like Nana's?" Hayley defended herself.

"That... that isn't a bad idea," Sophia murmured. "Nana could talk some sense in her, remember what she did when she first saw Lyss?"

_"Derek, Meredith," Elizabeth Shepherd greeted her son and daughter in law as they walked into her house. It was Kathleen's 50th birthday and they had all gone over to celebrate._

_"Mom," they both said as they hugged her._

_"Nana," Noah giggled._

_"Oh my goodness... Noah you are getting to be so big," Liz exclaimed. She hugged everyone in turn, except Lyss. She was in the back of the group, talking on the phone. Liz gasped._

_"Oh my god.... ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD!" she exclaimed as she took in her granddaughter. "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU WEARING!"_

_"Clothes," Lyss muttered. Meredith grabbed her daughter's hand harshly._

_"Alyssa," she growled. "What did I say in the car." Lyss rolled her eyes._

_"Fine.... sorry," she sighed._

_"I... I..." Liz stuttered._

_"DERBEAR!" all the girls exclaimed and ran towards their brother. But stopped in their tracks._

_"Holy," Kath gasped._

_"Lyss," Nancy stuttered._

_"Stop looking doe eyed," Lyss hissed. "It's clothes!"_

_"That's it," Meredith snapped and hauled Lyss outside and slammed the door behind her._

_"Derek," Liz murmured._

_"I don't know what happened Ma," Derek sighed. "She just, completelyh transformed into another girl that I don't even know who she is anymore. She won't listen to Meredith and I at all."_

_"When I get my hands on her," Liz growled. "She'll so some respect."_

_"Be my guest," Derek muttered as Meredith marched back in with Lyss a minute later._

_"Sorry," Lyss muttered and was surprised when all of a sudden, Liz grabbed her hand and hauled her off to the kitchen. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia stood behind the wall._

_"Now you listen here young lady," Elizabeth commanded. "I am your grandmother and I will be shown respect, your parents will be shown respect, and you are gonna get your act together this instant or you are not to eat with us or be downstairs with us, your family, your blood... do I make myself clear!"_

"We should talk to Mom and Dad about that too," Paige nodded.

"Let's wake her up," Hayley said. "She needs to eat, she didn't eat last night either."

"Okay," Sophia said and walked back into her sister's room. She was still sleeping. Gently she touched her back but she didn't wake. All she did was move her shirt and show the first bruise. Soph and Hayley gasped as Soph gently lifted the shirt even more.

"Oh my god," she breathed while Hayley just stayed silent.

"Told you it was bad," Paige sighed.

"Lyss," Sophia said gently. "Lyssy wake up." Lyss murmured and opened her eyes.

"What," she rasped.

"Lyss you don't look so good," Hayley murmured.

"I'm fine," she shook her head. Sophia sat down on the bed next to her, pulled her bangs out of her face, and pressed her lips to her forehead.

"You are certainly not fine Lyss," Sophia shook her head. "You are burning up. Take these." She gave her the tylenol and Lyss took it gratefully. She looked at the tray.

"I can't eat that... my stomach," Lyss whispered. Sophia's eyes softened. When Lyss was sick, she was a little baby about it and she hated it. It wasn't often but when it happened she was out of school for days.

"You have to eat," Paige urged, but Lyss only shook her head, and dashed to the bathroom. They helped her as she retched.

"You're okay now," Sophia said in a motherly tone.

"Thanks," Lyss sighed.

"Let's get you back to bed," Sophia said as her and Hayley helped her up.

"Okay," Lyss winced. They helped her limp back to the bathroom.

"There we go... just rest," Paige sighed as Sophia rubbed her back gently. They left her once she was gone, leaving her food in case she woke up and was hungry. The three girls quietly left the room.

"She is _really_ sick," Sophia cried.

* * *

The next day, her fever down, Lyss was thinking about what her Aunt Izzie, Aunt Christina, Aunt Bailey, Uncle Richard, and Uncle Alex said, she had to tell Bryan. Even though ever since her dad embarrassed her at the movies, he had yet to talk to her. She looked at the clock, 9:00 p.m. Her dad would be home in 10 minutes and since her window was right near the guest house, she had to leave now. Lyss decided not to tell Sophia, and the twins about her plan since they had enough trouble covering for her yesterday. Lyss swallowed the prenatal vitamin in her hand, and hid it in her porcelain dance shoe.

As 2 minutes past she picked up the pace. She put a lump of pillows and blankets underneath her covers, put on the recording of her snoring, shut the light off and left the door unlocked to make it less suspicious. Leaving the window open a crack, she scurried down the side of her house and ran down the street and around the corner to make sure her father didn't see her as he was coming home.

She started walking 5 blocks down to Bryan's house. By that time it was already 9:45 which meant she had fifteen minutes till his parents came home from work. Running up to the door she rang the doorbell. Bryan came to the door, looked out the window, and opened the door warily.

"What do you want?" he said gruffly.

"Bryan there's something I have to tell you," Lyss said quietly.

"Spit it out," he spat harshly opening the door all the way.

"Um, I skipped my period," she said in the most casual way.

"Well how am I supposed to know what that means bitch," he snapped back a reply. No wonder he failed 8th grade twice.

"It means, I am pregnant with your child Bryan."

"WHAT!? How the hell did that happen?"

"Uh maybe when we had sex 2 months ago idiot. And you weren't smart enpugh to wear a condom."

"Just cause your some kind of whore doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Excuse me. What did you call me, you practically forced me to anyway. I said stop but _you _wanted to finish."

"But I didn't tell you that you had to, you made the decision bitch."

"Well what are you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing, you can't do nothing, I am carrying your child here."

"Well then abort it."

"It's our baby, I am not aborting it."

"Then then the hell with that, get off my porch before my parents get home."

"Are you telling them?"

"That my ex-girlfriend's a whore, nope." Lyss's mouth gaped.

"Yeah, I said it, ex-girlfriend, goodbye." He slammed the door in her face. The tears began falling immediately. Lyss didn't really care that he broke up with her, it was obvious that he didn't care about her. It was more the fact that without the babies father, she was completely alone. She turned around and sprinted home in hope's everyone was asleep since it was 10:30 by the time she actually made it. It took her about 2 minutes to catch her breath and then limped towards the wall. Making her way up the darkened house, noticing the darkened guest house too, she opened her window and climbed back in.

* * *

Meredith made her way up the stairs to Lyss's room. She hasn't spoken to her since the other day and was ready to talk. She was surprised when she knocked at the door and it creaked open. The light's were off and unrhythmic snoring filled the air. Mere made her way gently to the lump in Lyss's bed and gently shook it.

"Lyss, Lyss sweetie wake up." When the lump didn't move and the snoring had stopped since she hit a button on the recorder.

"Lyss," she repeated and took off the covers. Mere let out a gasp as she saw there was nothing but a grouping of pillows and blankets where she thought her daughter was.

"WHAT THE HELL!" she screamed and pushed the blankets off of the bed. "SHE IS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE WHEN I GET A HOLD OF HER!" At that point she heard Derek arrive home. Hopefully, they could not fight long enough to find their daughter. Mere ran downstairs and out the door where Derek was walking toward the guest house.

"Derek,"she called to him but when he ignored her she repeated. "Derek, Lyss snuck out."

"What?" he said turning around stalking up to the house.

"I was going in to talk to her. Her lights were off and it looks like she snuck down the side of the house." Mere explained meeting him halfway.

"You didn't notice?" Derek accused.

"No I didn't notice Derek, I was downstairs with everyone else watching TV. Besides... Lyss hasn't been feeling good the past couple of days, she has been staying in her room with a fever... only Hayley, Paige, and Sophia have seen her... you would've known that if..."

"No time to fight now Mere," he said angrily and walked into the house. "Let's go see if anyone knows where she may be." He stormed in the house and up the stairs. Mere barely caught up with him.

"Derek they are all asleep... and they haven't been to check on her since two..." Mere told him before he could open Paige and Hayley's door. He turned around abruptly and walked over to Lyss's darkened room. He sat down on the bed quietly and Mere followed. The two sat in silence watching the window solemnly. Periodically they looked over to see what time it was. It wasn't until 10:30 when they heard a noise outside. Derek got up and walked over to her light so he could flick it on to surprise her. They heard someone walk up the side of the house, and fall several time so Mere got up and just stood there not moving a muscle. She had also let out a gasp, even in her anger she was concerned for her daughter.

Derek's anger was rising quickly as someone opened to door and a figure climbed in.

* * *

"_No one up," Lyss thought._ She stepped into her room and turned around to shut the window. As if on cue Derek switched on the lights.

"SHIT!" Lyss cursed under her breath as she turned around to face her parents.

"ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD!" Meredith yelled. "Does the meaning of grounded mean anything to you!"

"Mom, you don't understand," Lyss began, trying to escape a fight.

"Enlighten us!" Derek said to his daughter. Just the way he said that pushed Lyss over the edge.

"I.... I...." _Say it Lyss, Say it, I am pregnant._ "I...." _He raped me.... I said no, tell them!_ "I...." _I only did this because I felt stuck in the middle, unimportant, like you guys didn't love me enough, I am sorry._

"You wouldn't understand!" she cried instead, standing back against the window.

"Then you have no excuse!" Derek yelled stepping toward her.

"Yes I do!" she screamed.

"Don't use that tone of voice with us young lady!" Meredith screamed.

"You know I have an idea, let's just tack on another month to that grounding since you obviously haven't learned your lesson," Derek yelled.

"What?!" Lyss screamed. "That is so unfair! I..."

"We don't have to be fair!" Derek yelled his voice rising every second his face reddening.

"You broke the rules, you suffer the consequences!" Mere yelled walking up to stand next to Derek. Lyss looked at their faces. They were terrifying. She hated that this was their relationship now. She could only say one thing to these faces.

"I HATE YOU!" Lyss screamed and tried to run past them. Meredith grabbed her arms and Lyss struggled, also wincing. Eventually she fell back into her dance shoe. It fell off the dresser and shattered on the floor exposing the bottle of prenatal vitamins. Lyss let out a gasp and tried to grab it before her parents could. Derek was faster.

"What the hell is this," he asked picking up the bottle. Mere took it from him and read the bottle.

"PRENATAL VITAMINS," she screamed. "YOUR PREGNANT!" Lyss stayed quiet and looked down, tears forming. This was not how she wanted them to find out. They didn't know the whole story now and they'd just assume the worse. _Oh what did I do_ Lyss thought.

"ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD ANSWER YOUR MOTHER, ARE YOU PREGNANT!" Derek screamed grabbing her arms harshly to turn her to face him. Lyss felt the cuts underneath her shirt start to bleed. She looked into her father's eyes, she saw this anger in this look she never that she'd have the man she once called Daddy have on his face.

"YES!" she cried. Meredith and Derek stood there for a second. Their face unreadable.

"HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!" Meredith screamed.

"UH, I HAD SEX THOUGHT YOU WOULD KNOW, IT DID HAPPEN TO YOU LIKE 6TIMES!" Lyss screamed sarcastically the tears running down her face.

"DON'T GET SARCASTIC WITH US!" Derek boomed.

"YOU'RE 13 YEARS OLD!" Meredith screamed.

"TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!" Lyss cried.

"YOUR PREGNANT LYSS I THOUGHT WE TAUGHT YOU TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE THEN THAT!" Derek screamed.

"THERE'S A LOT ABOUT ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW!"

"LIKE WHAT!" Mere screamed. At this point everyone else was awake and listening to their fight.

"WHY WOULD YOU CARE, YOU'VE NEVER CARED BEFORE!" Lyss wailed.

"LYSS, please tell us," Mere said trying to stay calm although it was far from working.

"WHY WOULD I TELL YOU NOW!" Lyss screamed in Meredith's face.

"ALYSSA DON'T GET DEFIANT WITH US!" Derek screamed his face bright red.

"LIKE I WOULD EVER LISTEN TO YOU AGAIN!"

"ALYSSA STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Mere screamed grabbing her daughter's arms, her temper rising.

"NO FUCK YOU MOM!" Meredith let out a gasp as her eyes filled with anger and her mouth gaped as she stepped forward to get in the face of her daughter. Lyss knew she hit a nerve.

"THIS WILL TEACH YOU!" she hissed in her daughter's face as her hand came up to meet Lyss's face hard. Lyss let out a scream and tears started falling faster.

"I HATE YOU!" she screeched and stepped forward. Before she could realize what she was doing, Lyss slapped her Mom's face, not hard, but still the fact that she did that to her mother made both of them mad. Lyss eyes flared as she realized what she just did.

"Mom...." she said as her mother backed away crying. Derek stepped in his eyes blazing with anger, his face twisted in hate and anger. When Lyss looked up she let out a gasp and started to back away to the side of her bed, scared. She never saw him like this. She never wanted to see him like this. This wasn't her father, her dad, her daddy, this man woith such hate in his eyes, aimed at his daughter.

"Dad.... no I didn't mean to...... I...." she whimpered as his hand raised. Lyss started shaking and cringed at the thought of what was about to happen. It came down a heartbeat later as it hit Lyss's raw skin directly where Mere hit it before. She actually heard the crack before she felt the pain, but when they pain came, Lyss let out a yelp and started sobbing. She stumbled back, stunned, and hit her nightstand with her bad hip. Immobilized in pain she sunk to the ground and cowered in fear. Slowly her hand cradled the red cheek. That was when the anger hit.

"GET OUT," she screamed at them. "GET OUT I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!" She started sobbing louder and shook violently, her knees coming up to her chest, her face buried in them. She didn't see them leave, just felt the floor shake as Derek slammed the door shut. He stomped loudly downstairs and out the door. Mere was crying loudly but not as loudly as Lyss whose sobs shook the house and probably was heard by the whole neighborhood.

Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kelsey, Jake, and Noah walked out of their rooms and huddled together. Their mother was in her room and from the sound of her snoring and no longer crying proved she as asleep. they came up to Lyss's door and opened it a crack. She was sobbing too loud to notice. Sophia, seeing the sight before her shut the door and sat down listening to her sisters cries. Noah and Kels started to cry so Sophia took Noah, and Hayley and Paige took Kels to their room. Jake just stood there watching his sisters door listening to her loud cries. Tears ran down his own cheek, in fear for his sister. Eventually, Hayley came back out and guided him to his own room.

Back in Lyss's room her wrists were bleeding yet again, the blade laying next to her. She shoved it under her bed and pulled down her sleeves.

"I hate you, I hate you," she whispered still grasping her red cheek. She was still saying it as she drifted into an uneasy sleep on the floor of her room.

* * *

So major blow out between Lyss, Derek, and Mere. They found out she was pregnant and although you think it could have brought Meredith and Derek back together it just wedged them further apart. Even though Derek kind of defended Mere doesn't give them any reason even though Lyss would be reason enough to make up. It's kind of like they don't realize Lyss is want is tearing them apart. Next chapter is big at the end, before that it's just kind of well, you'll see. I have plenty of time today so I will probably have it up in the next hour or two.

Don't worry Lyss will get help eventually, but it's not from therapy well a little but what happens is kind of therapeutic. Something big happens to the family which makes her realize...... WOOPS! Giving to much away here. :) Hope you Enjoy!

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	30. Chapter 30: Awakening

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope I still do not own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA! HA!

Okay the moment you've all been waiting for is coming up in this chapter. Well you know something's wrong but anyway, it's the big thing. Today is Mere's 40th birthday, next week is Kelsey's 9th birthday. Combined party with everyone but the New York family there, even Addison. Everyone finds out she is pregnant. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!

Lyss woke up stiff on the floor. She looks around confused on why she is on the ground. Then the events if last night replay in her head. Her eyes are still damp from her uncontrollable sobbing last night. Warily she gets up and looks in her mirror. Lyss lets out a gasp as she looks at the left side of her face. She had no clue that Derek had hit her that hard to make the large ugly bruise that covered her face. Her entire face was also red most around her eyes and cheek. Hearing Lyss walk around, Sophia came up to the door and opened it warily followed by Hayley and Paige.

"GO AWAY!" she cried and buried her face in her hands.

"Lyss, it's us," Sophia sighed as Lyss turned around. When they saw her face all three of them stifled a gasp and was by her side in a second. That is when she started to cry.

"Oh Lyss, I am so sorry I heard what happened last night," Paige said hugging her sister tightly.

"They didn't understand, and they found out."

"Shhh we heard," Sophia coaxed and stroked her hair.

"They hate me, you should have seen their faces."

"They don't hate you, they are just angry, and don't understand like you said," Hayley said gently wiping the tears away from the right side of her face.

"I know," Lyss said as they led her to sit down on her bed. Sophia sat next to her.

"Lyss where were you last night?" Paige questioned as she sat on her other side, holding her hand.

"Aunt Izzie said I should tell them and Bryan when I went to see her, not only her by the way, Uncle Alex, Aunt Christina, Aunt Bailey, and Uncle Richard found out too."

"Oh you were telling Bryan," Hayley nodded, understanding now a little mad at her parents too.

"Yeah, he called me a whore, a bitch, and his ex," Lyss cried. Jake heard and came in too. Lyss's head whipped around but softened when she saw it was him.

"So you are pregnant," he said quietly. Lyss nodded as he came up towards her. She grabbed him and hugged him tightly as he did the same back.

"Thank you, all of you," she said letting go..

"You want some ice for your face," Kelsey asked coming in, she was unheard and was already halfway through the room Lyss's face in full view.

"Kelsey," Lyss said surprised and jumped around. "Yes..... thanks." Kels turned quietly out of the room and went downstairs.

"Lyss, what did Bryan say exactly?" Sophia asked her..

"He said I was a whore for getting myself pregnant, that I was a bitch and should get off of his porch, and that he wasn't gonna tell his parents that his ex-girlfriend was a whore." Jake's eyes flared with anger as he put his hands in a fist, Sophia's eyes narrowed, and Paige, and Hayley let out a gasp.

"Well then he doesn't deserve you if he is gonna treat you like that," Kels said returning to the room to put the ice gently up to Lyss's face. Lyss grimaced but held it there.

"What?" Lyss said.

"You deserve a guy that would help you with your baby, I am sorry that a jerk like that knocked you up," Kelsey said. Everyone started laughing as Kelsey's comment lightened the mood. Lyss winced at the smile that spread across her face.

"Thanks Kels, that's what everyone needed."

"Your welcome, I am sorry that my birthday is gonna force you to come downstairs," Kelsey said.

"I have to do what now?" Lyss said and looked at Kelsey.

"Well today's mom's 40th birthday and next week's Kels's 9th," Paige said.

"The entire family but dad's half are coming over to celebrate, even Aunt Addie," Jake explained.

"Well just make it clear to mom and dad that I am not going to come down until then, won't speak to them ever again, and that most of them know about the whole I am having a baby thing and to not blame them."

"Fine, but we are staying with you for a little okay," Sophia said.

"I don't have any objections, but we are missing one person," Lyss said.

"Noah's still asleep," Kelsey said.

"What are you gonna do about that," Hayley asked motioning to her bruise.

"Nothing," she replied. "I do know one thing for sure, I am wearing my blackest and worse outfit that I have."

"Lyss," Sophia said.

"Don't Lyss me, it's final."

"This will be fun I wanna help," Kelsey said enthusiastically. She walked over to her closet and a sea of black flooded out. This made Lyss laugh again.

"I guess," Hayley said walking over to the closet. If she was gonna dress like that, she should at least look good. Within a few minutes they chose her fishnets, a black tank top, a ripped and overly short jean skirt, a spiked belt, and of course Lyss's touch of black arms sleeves.

"This will work," Lyss said as she started to shoo her siblings out of the room. "I will see you later, what time they coming."

"In like three hours," Sophia said.

"Okay, don't forget our tell your parents what I said," she added and shut and locked the door. The next few hours flew by quickly. Her father actually came into the house not to yell at her or her mother. When people began to arrive she quickly put her clip in hair streaks, did hr make-up, and made her way down the black boots announced her entrance.

Lexie was the first person to see her. Lyss had changed a lot since she had last seen her. Probably mid summer. She was barely into the rebellious phase and had not lost as much weight as she had. Lyss watched as she stifled a gasp and grabbed George's arm. He also whipped around to look at her and she saw the same look of utter shock. Lyss smiled at them, attempting to ignore the look, and went to find Ali. She was one of the many people she had to apologize to.

She spotted her sitting on the couch, talking to Talia. Unfortunately, the one person standing in her way was her Aunt Addie. She hadn't seen Lyss at all, not since Mother's Day when the entire family came to celebrate, and watch Lyss dance in the park.

"Ly-Lyss," she stuttered.

"It's me Aunt Addie," Lyss told her flatly. Even as she said it, Lyss tried not to wince. She was full blown into this phase now and she couldn't falter. That even meant hurting her godmother.

"You... I.... wow," Addie choked out. Lyss rolled her eyes and turned away. She tried to ignore the surprised looks from her entire family and the angry looks both her parents were giving her. Eventually she approached Ali.

"Al, uh..... can I talk to you," she said coming up to her friend. Ali turned around and glared at her.

"Fine, talk," she said curtly. Lyss looked at Talia who looked away.

"Uh.... in private."

"Fine see you around Tally." The girls walked outside, Lyss went to the sidewalk and sat down. "What do ya wanna talk about?" Ali had a very accusing tone that made Lyss wince.

"I just wanted too say I am sorry....." Lyss said softly.

"'Sorry for ditching us that's all you have to say, sorry for insulting all of your friends.... at least that's what I thought you were." Lyss visibly flinched at her words. She loved them all. "Not caring what we do only about you and your super hot boyfriend."

"Bryan broke up with me."

"Oh poor baby!"

"Ali please stop I am sorry but it wasn't supposed to get like this."

"That's what they all say."

"No, it's just I had a plan and it blew way out of proportion." Ali, no matter how mad she was at her, could here how desperate her friend was.

"What plan?"

"I did this on purpose to get my parents attention but then I started living out the part outside of the house. All my anger and pain welling up, it just felt right. I know it's no excuse but I miss all of you so much. It hurts not seeing you. We used to spend the entire weekends together and run around playing pranks on our sibling at parties like this. And now it feels like we can never get back to that." Ali didn't meet Lyss's face. "Your my best friend Al. I love you. And I don't know if you still do and I totally understand if you don't. But I always thought of you, Av, Britt, Nikki, Becks, and Han as my family, my sisters, and..."

"Who says," Ali said finally looking up and smiling. "I missed you too, and I am sorry about your parents." The two girls looked at each other smiled and hugged each other tightly.

"I'm pregnant," Lyss murmured.

"I know, I heard my parents talking." Lyss leaned her head on Ali's head. "Bryan?"

"Yeah... he was a jerk and broke up with me once he heard," Lyss whispered.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you Lyss."

"It's fucked up and I can't do anything... I'm scared Al. I'm all alone... I am having this baby all alone."

"You're not alone Lyss." Lyss looked into her friends brown eyes.

"Friends?" Lyss asked.

"We always were." The two girls laughed and walked back up to the house.

"Oh Lyss, I like the make-up and the belt."

"Shut up!" Lyss nudged her and they walked back in. They sat there talking and catching up until Lyss went into the kitchen. Alex was already in there. Expecting it to be empty Lyss looked up crying but jumped back surprised.

"Uncle Alex you scared me!"

"Sorry there Lyss," he said smiling slightly.

"You heard," she said referring to last night.

"Yeah, Lyss....."

"Not here, some people still don't know." She motioned for him to come out back.

"Lyss I am sorry your parents..."

"I know.... they just got so mad, they wouldn't let me explain." She started crying. "I went out to tell Bryan, he called me a bitch and a whore." Lyss saw Alex's hand ball into a fist, and his face tighten. "Then they caught me and I couldn't explain it without telling them I was pregnant. By the time they found out, everyone including myself was too mad to care. I didn't mean to hurt my mom's feeling or to slap her back. That's what got me this when my dad slapped me for slapping her."

"Shhh, it's okay." Alex came up and hugged her tightly.

"What am I gonna do?" she asked him.

"Are you sorry?"

"More then anything."

"Then let them know." Lyss thought about this for a second but finally agreed.

"Okay, thanks Uncle Alex."

"Don't mention it Lyss."

The night had gone smoothly for Meredith. Except for the fact Derek had yet to speak to her, Alyssa looked like an embarrassment, and during dinner she saw the looks everyone was giving Lyss, and her and Derek knowing that the bruise didn't appear there magically. Derek hadn't hit her that hard, neither had she. Something was wrong but she was still too mad to find out what that was.

There was usually larger dinner conversation at gathering like this, but now it was hushed whispers around her probably about her and it was getting her mad. When she could not take it any longer especially when she heard one conversation directly about her and Lyss's face Mere stood up angrily.

"Okay, you all can stop talking, we hit Lyss after she hit me when we found out she was pregnant okay!" The entire table let out a gasp. Lyss face turned red with embarrassment and she started crying.

"MOM, HOW COULD YOU!" she screamed standing up. She looked around the tears coming out fast. "NOT EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT IT YET! IT WAS ONE FUCKING MISTAKE! AND YOU JUST.... I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU... YOU'RE THE WORST!" She started shaking as everyone around her just stared up at her not sure what to say.

"SO YES I AM 13 YEARS OLD AND I AM PREGNANT!" She got up crying even louder but Mere grabbed her arm and hauled her off to the kitchen.

"Lyss, I am sorry but I thought everyone knew."

"THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT EVERYONE IS STARING AT MY FACE BUT...."

"YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU YOUNG LADY....... TODAY WAS ABOUT ME AND KELSEY!"

"AT LEAST I LIKE KELSEY, I COULD GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOU!"

"ALYSSA DANIELLE....."

"DON'T MIDDLE NAME ME MOM, SCREW YOU, I HATE YOU!" Lyss stormed out of the kitchen, momentarily forgetting that the rest of her family was out there. Caught of guard she gasped and stared at them desperately. Tears started to come faster and she knew she had to get out of there. "I'm sorry...." With that she started to run towards, stumbling slightly because she was dizzy and her hip, and ran up the stairs sobbing.

"Lyss," Mere called after her but gave up after she heard the door slam and a loud thump. She looked back at everyone else sadly.

"Uh," Christina stuttered.

"Who knew?" Mere asked flatly as Bailey, Richard, Alex, Christina, and Izzie acknowledged themselves.

"Okay," she said and sat back down. "If you wanna go I understand." No one left but they finished dinner, had cake, and didn't stay a minute later.

"MEREDITH WHAT THE HELL!" Derek screamed.

"Not now Derek," she sighed, defeated, retreating to the kitchen, Noah followed her in.

"Mommy," he whimpered.

"Hey Noah, sweetie, could you go check on Lyss," she told him wiping away her tears.

"Okay Mommy." She started washing dishes keeping an eye on Derek who was watching TV silently with Jake, Sophia, and Hayley. Paige was reading in the corner. Mere let out a sigh. An evening that could have been wonderful turned out to be a disaster. Mere was so consumed in thought that she didn't notice Noah standing at her feet. It wasn't till he pulled on her shirt that she looked down.

"Yes sweetheart."

"Mommy, why is Lyssa sleeping on the floor?"

"Honey what do you mean?" Now she was scared.

"Lyssa's in her room, but she isn't on her bed, but she is sleeping. I couldn't wake her up." Meredith dropped the dish she had her her hands on the floor and ran breathlessly upstairs. She ran into Lyss's room and almost fell over the motionless body on the floor.

"Lyss, Lyss, sweetie wake up," she shook her daughter's body and her hand went to find a pulse. It was there but she was still unconscious.

"DEREK!" she screeched down the stairs. He was by her side immediately, just like he should be.

"Lyss," he said shocked. "Mere what happened?"

"I don't know I found her like this."

"Here," he said picking Lyss up in his arms. "Call 911."

"Okay," she murmured and picked up the phone in the hallway. "Hi.... my daughter's on the floor, she's unconsious.... no, I don't know what happened, we just found her like this.... Dr. Meredith Shepherd, surgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital..... he has a pulse but...." She trailed off as she looked at her daughter's form. Her heart sank as she choked back a sob. On Lyss's arms, there were scars going up and down like railroad tracks. Behind Derek, a knife stuck out from under the bed.

"Derek," she whispered, terrified, her hand pointing to the knife. He turned around saw the knife, then looked under her arms.

"My poor baby," he said kissing her forehead and bringing her downstairs to wait for the ambulance. He was surprised how light she was and how pale her skin was looking. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in her ear and held her close. Meredith was waiting impatiently at the door after sending the kids to bed and putting Sophia in charge. Five minutes later they heard the ambulance come down the street. Izzie and Alex ran out of their house and were surprised to see it come to Mere's house.

"Oh my god," Izzie whispered as they saw Derek sprint outside, Lyss in his arms.

They lifted Lyss in the ambulance and Mere climbed in with her. Derek was hesitant, they needed a way to get home.

"Derek, man go, I will drive your car over tomorrow," Alex called to him. Derek nodded and climbed into the ambulance. Mere was stroking Lyss's arm crying and Derek just stared at his daughter scared. They arrived at the hospital moments later. Getting out the the ambulance they met Miranda and Richard.

"Derek what happened?" Bailey asked helping the stretcher out, Lyss's appearance reminding her of the day Meredith drowned.

"I found her on the floor unconscious," Meredith answered for him. They wheeled her to an examination room, and soon to a regular room. When they changed her into a hospital gown everyone could see the cuts that lined her arms. While waiting for the test results Meredith and Derek sat outside the room silently looking in. It was Mere who broke the silence.

"Derek I....."

"If you say I am sorry I will kill you, it's me who should be sorry. It's just with all the tension with Lyss, when we were done with her, you were the only one left to blame. I had to blame someone other then myself."

"Derek, it's the same with me, I am so sorry. I have missed you so much."

"Me too Mere." Meredith got up and sat down on Derek's lap.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too Mere." Meredith out of fear buried her head in his shoulder and looked into the window again where she could see her daughter lying in the bed.

"I never knew, what kind of mother am I."

"It's okay, we will get through this, get her help. Show her we care."

"I hope so Derek."

"You can't just blame yourself, I didn't know either." At that moment Dr. Bailey walked down the hallway, test results in her hands. Her face looked somber. Meredith and Derek ran up to her anxiously.

"Miranda what's wrong? Was it the baby, blood loss from... you know?" Mere asked.

"Like did she have a miscarriage, or what was she dehydrated or something?" Derek questioned at the same time. Miranda just shook her head and looked up at them. She couldn't muster up the words to tell the two worried people she had grown attached to in some way, no matter how annoying they were at times.

"Uh.... here," she said handing them the results. Meredith and Derek's eyes read the chart. Mere let out a slight gasp and a tear rolled down her cheek soon accompanied by more. The same with Derek. There hands instantly twined as there eyes met and soon traveled over to their daughter laying in the hospital bed.

"You sure...." Mere choked out.

Tell me what you think. I know it's a cliffhanger but I couldn't resist :) But..... YAY MEREDITH AND DEREK AREN'T FIGHTING ANYMORE! This is kind of an awakening for all of them. What happens in the next chapter is also therapeutic for Lyss as she realizes her parents really do care.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	31. Chapter 31: AML

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

Yeah well this chapter is pretty much finding out what she has. It's big trust me. Bigger then her being pregnant. ENJOY!

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_You sure...." Meredith choked out._

"I am so sorry," Bailey said her eyes tearing up too. "They would like to do a test to confirm how far advanced it is." Meredith and Derek just nodded and stared back at the chart. The words stuck out on the page. It was plain to see. Their daughter was sick. Very very sick.

Acute myelogenous leukemia, their daughter had acute myelogenous leukemia. A type of cancer, a rare form of cancer for children. As if that was bad enough there was CNS involvement too.

"No, they have to do more tests," Mere cried starting to shake. "She can't have cancer... she just can't!"

"Mere, they did them all. She has a low white cell count and red cell count. They found petechiae on her skin. And there was obvious fatigue, paleness, easy bruising, and weight loss."

"Not obvious bruising," Meredith said quickly. "You... you hit her hard enough to.... to cause that. They are just jumping to conclusions... we need a second opinion. A third. A fourth. They are wrong... they have to be wrong! It could be something else... like... like.... something with her pregnancy... like...." Derek only pulled her into a big hug.

"Meredith you didn't see?"

"What?!" Meredith exclaimed looking up at him.

"The bruises.... the bruises on her legs, her back, her arms?"

"No... I.... no I didn't," Meredith whispered.

"As much as we don't want it to be true.... it's true. Lyss. Our Lyss. Our Alyssa Danielle Shepherd. She has cancer."

"I know, I just can't believe it, how are we gonna tell her?" Mere cried burying her face in Derek's chest as he held her even tighter.

"I don't know, but she is strong she will fight this," Derek said.

"I know but will she want to?" Mere said.

"What do you mean?"

"She was obviously in so much pain already and our fighting with her and each other couldn't have helped."

"I know."

"Derek I am scared."

"I know, our family's strong we can survive this."

"I hope your right."

"I know I am right."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too Mere." Derek sat down in the chair he previously sat in, Meredith sat next to him and they both drifted into an uneasy sleep, their thoughts consumed by cancer and Lyss. When they woke up they immediately checked on their daughter who was still unconscious. Either that or she was just asleep. Meredith looked right at Lyss but quickly retreated.

"Meredith," derek called after her shutting the door.

"Derek," she cried. "Derek I can't do this, she hasn't even started chemo and she looks so helpless. I am scared. What happens if she doesn't fight. We can't lose her Derek."

"Shhh Mere that won't happen."

"How do you know, our daughter has cancer, people die from cancer everyday."

"I know Mere, and I also know Lyss is strong, she won't give up easily. She never gives up, you of all people should know that because she gets that from you." Meredith tried to smile but shook her head.

"Derek, I can't do this, I can't watch her go through this."

"It's gonna be hard on everyone..."

"Oh no, we still have to tell everyone else."

"We will take care of it but we need to tell her first."

"Oh Derek, I can't tell her that she has a disease that could possibly kill her. She is so mad at us."

"Don't worry Mere, we will get someone else to, maybe Bailey, but now I think you need to rest more."

"I love you Derek, and thank you."

"I love you too Mere." Derek pulls Mere in close and kisses her lightly on the head before she almost collapses into his chest and lets out a deep sigh. She is still crying softly when her friends come around the corner.

"Mere, we heard what happened," Christina said running towards them.

"Is Lyss all right?" Lexie asked.

"We are all here for you," Izzie says. When she finally turns around everyone sees the tears in both Derek and Mere's eyes.

"Oh my," Lexie whispered, stopping in her tracks.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Alex says coming up to Mere's side.

"Yeah, it's uh.... it's uh..." she starts to cry again. Derek hugs her tightly again and hands the chart to Izzie. Izzie lets out a gasp as she reads the chart.

"No," she whispers. Christina looks over her shoulder and lets out a gasp before backing up.

"Half pint," she choked out.

"What is it?" George asked.

"Cancer," Derek said flatly burying his nose into Mere's hair.

"Mere I am so sorry," George says looking in on Lyss.

"AML, that's that's just.... wow," Christina say collapsing in a chair.

"Lyss, the girl we have all known since she was born, has cancer," Lexie said. Mere looks up from Derek and breaks off to hug the nearest person who happens to be Alex. It soon turns into a large group hug as everyone is in on it. Mere looks in on Lyss, she looks so helpless that Mere couldn't stand it. She falls down into a chair and lets out a big sigh.

"Mere, I am gonna call my family," he said as he spots Mark running down the hallway. He probably only just heard.

"What happened?" he asked breathlessly. It's obvious he ran full speed as soon as he heard Lyss was in the hospital. After all, she was his goddaughter and even though he wouldn't admit it, he loved her so much more then anyone behinds his own son Nate. She was like a daughter to him and he was like a second father to her.

"Cancer," was all Derek could muster again.

"AML to be exact," George said looking up from Mere.

"Our Lyss," Mark said. Meredith could only nod.

"Mark help me call the family," Derek said to him."Call Lynds and Em for me."

"No problem buddy."

Derek walked down the hallway dialing Elizabeth's number. She picks up almost immediately,

"Derek, it's good to hear from you...." she breaks off when he hears him sigh. "What's wrong?"

"It's Lyss," he said sorrowfully.

"What wrong?"

"AML," he said.

"Cancer?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh Derek I am so sorry."

"Me too." he said quietly.

"What stage," she asked.

"They don't know yet, they are gonna do a bone marrow examination."

"Derek go back to her I will call the others."

"Thanks," he said simply, hung up, and walked back to Mere.

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She couldn't remember what had happened. The last thing Lyss remembered was fighting with her Mom. She didn't want to it's just she was so embarrassed, she announced it to everyone. Uncle Owen, Uncle George, Aunt Lexie, Aunt Addie, Uncle Kevin, and the others didn't know yet. Lyss had so many thoughts as she ran up the stairs to her room but as soon as she slammed her door shut, there was nothing.

Lyss opened her eyes. She was in a strange white room. Almost immediately she recognized the hospital. _What am I doing in here, she thought._

She started looking around, she didn't even have a chart she could try to interpret. Outside she saw her mother and father crying and hugging each other tightly. _What happened_. It had to be big if they were hugging, they have had blow out fights and for something forgave each other. That gave Lyss hope, maybe they can forgive her.

She didn't want anything to get that bad. As soon as they would walk into the room she would apologize. Lyss was about to call out to them but a wave of blackness crashed over her as sleep overcame her body. When she woke up next it was light out, she slept till the next morning.

Now there was more people outside, they were crying too. Aunt Izzie, Aunt Christina, Uncle George, Uncle Alex, and Aunt Lexie, and there's Uncle Mark. _What's wrong with me? S_he started to get scared and tried to get up but was too tired. She fell asleep again, still with so many questions.

When she finally woke up again she only saw her mother and father outside of the room. She looked up as her mother looked into the room. Their eyes met and Mere got up. She slowly opened the door and it revealed Dr. Bailey was there too. Her mom looked directly at her her eyes tear-filled, Derek did the same.

"Mom, Dad, you're scaring me, what's wrong?" she asked looking up desperately. She completely forgot about apologizing. The looks they were giving her, it was like she was dying. She couldn't be dying... could she?

"Don't be scared sweetie," Mere said her voice cracking with grief.

"What's wrong with me," she said more forcefully. When she noticed her father was staring at something on her arms she looked down,the cuts were clearing seen. She quickly put them underneath the covers.

"Uh, Alyssa," Bailey began. "The reason you fainted was because you have a disease called acute myelogenous leukemia. It has CNS involvement, and we would like to begin treatment right away. We would also like to do a bone marrow examination to see the advancement."

"What, What is that?" she asked. As Bailey opened her mouth to speak she looked at her parents.

"Sweetie, uh, acute myelogenous leukemia," Mere started. "Acute myelogenous leukemia, is uh...." she couldn't say it, not to her face. The tears started falling. This scared Lyss so much.

"Daddy," she pleaded like a little girl again. She looked like a little girl, so small in the bed, her emerald eyes shining.

"Baby girl," he said stroking her face, the previous fights forgotten. "Acute Myelogenous, AML is uh.... is a form of cancer."

"Cancer," Lyss whispered her body shaking. "I have cancer..... no, I can't have cancer.... no Daddy no!" she said and started to cry. Meredith bent down and hugged her tightly crying. Lyss started to shake in Mere's arms. Derek held both of them and coaxed.

"Shhh, it's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay, you're strong, you can fight it, you will fight it."

"I love you daddy, and you too Mommy," Lyss cried.

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Okay so she said it. She realized they do care. But can they forget? In one of the next few chapters Mere and Lyss will have a moment and Lyss and Derek.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	32. Chapter 32: Realization

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Disclaimer: Wait....... Nope still don't own it. Wish I did though. How awesome would that be? HA! HA!

This is the therapeutic thing. After she is done crying they explain the treatment plan and she get alone time with Dr. Bailey. Well you'll see. Hope you ENJOY!!!!!!

I would like to thank my newly acquired beta reader Edwardmyheroin118.

As Lyss and Mere's cries began to die down, Lyss still shaking, Dr. Bailey came back in. She had left for a few minutes to let the family grieve but now it was time to get down to business. She was on her team and there was no way she was going to waste another minute. When she entered Lyss looked up and directly into her eyes. Bailey's softened but continued.

"Okay now the treatment," Bailey began. "We are going to start with chemotherapy every 3 days in hopes that the cancer is not chemo-resistant. Now if your AML is chemo-resistant we will put you on the list for a bone marrow transplant and start induction chemo. Because of your age it will take a while to see if the chemo is doing it's job or not. but your age is also an advantage. More children go into remission with leukemia then adults.... Any questions?" Lyss shook her head the tears still running down her face.

"Now, there is the obvious termination that has to take place for the.... baby, and we could do it simultaneously with the bone marrow examination so there would be no discomfort at all, we will also take cells from your ovaries to get them to biopsy and make sure it hasn't spread there. But the lumbar puncture to see how far it spread in the CNS... you will be awake for that I am afraid." Lyss nodded her head slightly as Mere's hand made her way to stroke her face gently.

"When are you gonna do the examination?" Derek asked standing protectively on the other side of Lyss.

"We hope to do it in a couple of hours, she hasn't had anything to eat yet has she?" Meredith shook her head. "That okay with you?" she asked Lyss. Again all Lyss could muster was a slight nod of the head.

"Why do you need to take a biopsy of the ovaries?" Derek questioned.

"Because of the baby... we want to make sure," Bailey reassured. At that Dr. Bailey left the room and Derek followed her out. This left Mere and Lyss alone in the room. Mere bent down beside her daughter and wiped away the tears that had run down the side of her cheek.

"Lumbar puncture?" Lyss questioned quietly.

"They stick a needle in your spinal column and take some fluid," Mer told her gently.

"So it'll hurt," Lyss whimpered.

"I'm afraid so," Mer told her gently.

"Oh," Lyss whispered.

"You are being so brave sweetie," she said to her. "It's gonna be okay Lyss."

"Mom, I'm...."

"Shhh, you should rest," Mere sent pushing her blonde hair out of her face. Lyss nodded and settled in the bed, asleep a few minutes later. Mere sat in the bed watching her, watching her breathe, make sure she was breathing. She was so scared for her, and upset. Throughout the time Lyss was acting out Mere had no clue what was wrong. She didn't know if anything was wrong. Now she knew something had been wrong the whole time. The scars on her arms that were staring her in the face was proof of that. She was a doctor, she should have known better.

Mere felt guilty the whole time she spent the time yelling at her could have been spent helping her through whatever it was. The thing is Lyss felt the same. That she shouldn't have acted out and she feels guilty, now she wished she could take it all back. Her fear was and still is that her parents won't forgive her, and she will have to fight the cancer alone. Though they were beside her now, would they still be when they get home. Will she just become the girl who has cancer.

Lyss only slept for about an hour, and when she woke up her parents were by her side.

"Hey Lyss," Meredith said as she saw her daughter's eyes open. "You okay?"

"Yeah.... I.... I guess," Lyss whispered. Derek stroked her cheek once.

"Your going into surgery in about another hour," he told her.

"Okay," Lyss shrugged.

"It's gonna be okay sweetheart... we gotta believe it," Meredith reassured.

"Yeah.... your so strong you can beat it, I know it," Derek said.

"Does everyone know?" Lyss asked.

"Yeah... your Aunt's and Uncle's were outside the room afterwards," Derek said.

"What about Sophia and.." Lyss began.

"Your father's going to go home later and break the news... they are worried sick," Mer said pushing her hair behind her ear.

"When are they doing the.... the spine thing?" Lyss asked.

"Tomorrow," Mer told her. "After your surgery today you'll probably sleep until then."

Within the next hour Lyss was wheeled down to pre-op, prepped, a brought into surgery. When she woke up it was dark out, her mom was asleep in the chair next to her bed. Her dad must have gone home to tell everyone else and relieve Sophia of her baby sitting duties. Lyss tried to get up but the place in her hip where they drilled hurt to much she cried out in pain. Instead she maneuvered herself to sit up and started thinking. What would she do if the cancer was chemo-resistant? What would happen if there was no donor? What would her parents do if she was gone? Would there life be any different? Would they miss her? What about Noah, would he even remember her? These question scared her as she drifted off to sleep.

The next time she woke up, it was morning, and Lyss got scared. Both her parents were there again, quiet and reassuring like always, like nothing ever happened. What happened next happened so fast. Before she realized she was laying on her side in an examination room, Meredith and Derek by her head. Izzie and Miranda were standing with Callie who was performing the procedure.

"Okay Lyss," Callie said. "Just tell me when your ready and we'll begin." Lyss closed her eyes and a few tears slipped out. Derek grabbed one hand and then Mer grabbed the other. She didn't think she could speak without crying so she only nodded at her parents.

"She's ready," Mer said and bent close to her head and kissed her gently.

"Okay... now Lyss... I am entering the needle," Callie said and Lyss stiffened, preparing herself. Lyss felt the prick of the needle and jumped. Callie looked up immediately. "Meredith... Derek," she warned.

"Baby," Mer said. "You need to lie still." Lyss looked into Derek's eyes with tears.

"If you move honey it could do damage," he explained and Lyss nodded, stiffening again.

"Okay Lyss, I am going in again," Callie said and Lyss grasped her parents hands tightly as she felt the pain creep up her spine and she struggled to keep still. All Lyss could do was let out a whimper so Mere stroked her face gently. She wasn't sure how long it took, but all Lyss could remember was her pain and the next thing she knew she was back in her room, falling asleep, her parents by her side.

When she woke up again, her mother was gone and was replaced by Dr. Bailey. She sat up slowly with a gasp, her hip and back still hurting.

"Careful, it's gonna be sore for a little while," Bailey warned as she watched Lyss wince. When she nodded and looked over at her she was staring at her arms in disbelief.

"You can ask me, and not stare at them all day," Lyss said.

"Why?" was all Bailey could say.

"You don't understand?"

"What don't I understand Lyss, you cut yourself, self mutilation, what for? You had a great life."

"No I didn't, you know what I said when I found out I was pregnant. I was sick of it. It started when they forgot my dance recital, Kelsey was being bratty to me all day and when I looked out in the audience and no one was there, I don't know it felt like they didn't care any more. I sat there for 2 hours for them to realize and the entire time the anger and pain was rising. It made my blood boil and I felt I needed a release."

"Lyss there's other ways."

"It didn't feel like it."

"You could have told your parents."

"I was acting out it was before this happened, they wouldn't care."

"Lyss do you really believe that."

"No."

"And were they here for you now."

"Yes but keyword now."

"Lyss.."

"It's just I am so scared. I don't know if I am strong enough to fight this. But also that my parents won't stay with me through it. What if I am all alone? I don't know if I can fight this period but with no one it practically impossible."

"Lyss, you're parents love you, no matter what you did previously they would never leave you alone. Your their daughter for heavens sake."

"I know it's just, even I would hate me. And now I have cancer, I have freaken cancer and there is technically no cure except chemo. Chemo which will make my hair fall out, make myself nauseous, and practically destroy my body and I am scared so scared. I don't know what to do." She started to cry softly.

"Tell your parents Lyss, tell them your sorry, tell them how you feel, it will help I promise." Bailey came over to the bed and held her while she cried.

"Thank you," she said looking up at her.

"Lyss, I am sorry but your AML is stage 4." Lyss let out a sigh and looked down.

"Well then, I guess I will just have to work a little harder," Lyss said more confidently, smiling. "There is no way this cancer is gonna control my life."

"That's what I like to hear," Bailey said smiling back at her. "Now we will be back a little later to insert a port for the chemo which we will start tomorrow. Also your Aunt Izzie and Callie will be in here to discuss other thing like what the chemo will do to your bones since you are so young and the fact that you are young."

"Okay," Lyss said.

"Well I'll see you, it looks like you have some visitors," Bailey said turning around to open the door. On the other side was Ali, Hannah, Nikki, Brittany, Ava, Becca, Hayley, Paige, and Sophia. Lyss smiled slightly and tried to get up little she winced at the pain but managed to sit up without leaning on the pillow.

"Hey," she said quietly. Her friends and sisters smiled back at her unsure what to do.

"Guys, I have cancer, get a grip on that ad then ask the obvious question, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, but...." Ali stuttered.

"I know, it's scary for me too, especially when I haven't been the best friend or sister."

"Lyss," Hayley said sadly and came up to the bed and hugged her gently. Lyss hugged her back and everyone else in turn.

"I'm so sorry," she said directly to her friends. "I..."

"Lyss," Hannah said grabbing her hand. "Al told us what you were doing and why."

"I mean," Becca told her. "We were mad and upset at you but... nothing can ever destroy our friendship. Best friends forever, right?"

"Right," Lyss sighed. "I love you guys."

"We love you too Lyss," Ava said.

"I just wish I wasn't such a bitch back then. I mean... our lockers were right next to each other but we never talked the past month in school. Homeroom was awkward and any classes were horrible. I don't know how you guys could ever forgive me," Lyss admitted. "I betrayed you, made fun of you to your faces.... I..."

"Lyss.... we may fight and we may say mean things to each other but what friends don't forgive one another if one made a mistake," Nikki said.

"Mistakes... starting with the one in the summer... at the cabin... with a certain boy," Lyss sighed.

"Oh Lyss," Sophia sighed. "Wait.... cabin?" Lyss smiled sheepishly.

"Where?" Hayley questioned.

"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd if you did it with that sleezeball in my bed..." Paige warned and it made Lyss giggle.

"On the couch," Lyss told her.

"Oh gross," Sophia said.

"Sorry," Lyss sighed.

"I know."

The girls sat in there for maybe two hours talking. Supporting Lyss, comforting her, making her laugh. Trying to forget that they were with their friend in her hospital as she was getting ready to start treatment for a terminal illness. Soon Dr. Bailey walked in followed by Izzie and Callie.

"Hey Mom," Ali said waving to Izzie.

"Hey Al, you guys have to leave now," she told them.

"Okay, bye Aunt Izzie," Sophia said. "Bye Lyss," they all chorused.

"Okay Lyss, well I am gonna administer a local to numb the area," Bailey said putting a needle in her chest and started inserting the port, when that was done Izzie and Callie started explaining the the effects of the chemo on her body. As Lyss tried to absorb all of it she was trying so hard not to burst into tears. They were saying things like bone scans and anemia. How her immune system would be shot and probably be in and out of isolation. Needing blood work at least once a week to keep track of her red and white blood cells. How much nausea she would have. And even though they didn't say it, she would probably just feel like crap.

It was too much, she was 13 years old. As they finished explaining her mom and dad came in. They saw the tears forming and immediately kicked everyone out of the room. Derek ran over to her bed followed by Mere. He gathered her in his arms and rocked her back and forth murmuring comforting words. Meredith came around the other side and rubbed her back, stroked her hair, anything to make her feel safe.

"It's too much, I am scared," she cried in Derek's arms.

"Shhh baby, I know," he coaxed but it didn't help.

"I have to start chemo tomorrow, I don't know if I am strong enough for this Daddy," she cried even harder.

"Of course you are sweetie," Mere said wiping away her own tears and stroking her face gently. "You are being so brave and handling this so well."

"We are so proud of you baby," Derek told her. Lyss cries turned into sobs.

"Shhh, it's okay, we are here for you baby," Mere coaxed wiping away Lyss's tears and smiling.

"Everything will be okay, we love you that will never change," Derek said which made Lyss cry tears of joy.

"I love you too Daddy. And I love you Mommy. But I am so scared," she sounded like a little girl.

"You are so strong Lyss, I know you can fight this," Mere told her letting her lean on her shoulder her cries dying down to whimpers.

"Rest baby," Derek soothed. Lyss let out a deep sigh and drifted to a deep sleep. Mere rested her on the pillow and got up to go to the corner.

"Derek, she is being so brave," Mere said starting to cry looking at her daughter mostly at the port on her chest.

"She is strong, just like her mother," Derek said kissing Mere.

"I am so scared, I don't wanna lose her."

"I know Mere, me either, we will get through this, I know we will."

"Derek Shepherd I love you so much!"

"I love you too Meredith Shepherd."

Okay next chapter she starts chemo and goes home. here she has alone time with her family. What will she reveal to them? Will she tell Meredith and Derek how she feels? Will she tell them why she cut? Will she say she is sorry? Keep reading to find out.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	33. Chapter 33: Chemotherapy

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Disclaimer: Just to let you know, I still don't own Grey's yet, or any of the characters.

This is Lyss's first day of chemo, it kind of has short bits on how Lyss, Mere and Derek are feeling throughout the time of the treatment. They leave, Lyss falls asleep, and Meredith and Derek have more time to talk. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

I would like to thank my newly acquired beta reader Edwardmyheroin118.

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Mere sat at the side of her bed watching Lyss sleep. She looked so peaceful, so brave, as if nothing was wrong. But there was something wrong. CANCER. Her daughter whom she had smacked in the face for mouthing off and taking everything to far, and had screaming fights with periodically. What Mere hated to admit was that the diagnosis was probably the best thing for their relationship and their family. It had brought Meredith and Derek back together, and recreated the bond with Lyss that she had always shared.

Derek was still sleeping in the corner waiting for 8:00 a.m. That's when the chemo would start. Mere would have to sit and watch as her daughter's body was pumped with chemicals. Chemicals that could kill her. But then, they were the only thing that could save her. She looked at the clock in the corner of the room, 7:45. Mere walked to the corner where Derek was laying, she put her arm on his shoulder and he woke instantly.

Mere turned around and walked to Lyss's bed. She had to get her changed into clothes to go home in because after the chemo, she would be released from the hospital.

"Lyss," she whispered and gently shook her. "Lyss, sweetie time to wake up."

Her eyes flickered open and when at first all she could see was her mom her eyes flared with hope. But when she realized she was still in the hospital the disappointment flooded them.

"I thought it was a dream," she whispered. "I wanted it to be a dream."

"Oh sweetie, me too," Mere sighed and helped her up. She grabbed her clothes and as Derek got the discharge papers and a wheelchair Mere helped Lyss into them. She could barely put full wait on the leg where they drilled the hole for the bone marrow. She winced as the clothes slid on top of it. Derek returned into the room with the wheelchair and helped Lyss into it. When she tried to walk on her own, she let out a yelp sending Meredith and Derek to her side immediately. They wheeled her down to oncology where they had to leave her while the nurse explained the procedure. For the first time the hospital gave them a private room.

"Okay now we are going to administer the chemo through the port they inserted into your chest. It burns for a little but that is just the chemicals coming into your veins," the nurse explained while she was hooking up the bag to her port. "You understand." Lyss nodded and looked over to the bag where she noticed the clamp was still there.

"Any questions before we get started?" the nurse asked.

"Can my parents come in?" she asked.

"Of course," the nurse answered taking the clamp off. She left the room leaving Lyss there stunned in pain. Burns a little, more like a lot. She felt the tears in the back of her head and her arms tightened around the arm rest. She had to be strong to fight this, she had to stay long enough to make up with her parents. She was too focused on the pain to notice they had come in.

"Hey Lyss," Derek said softly startling her. As she turned her head slowly, they noticed the tears that were forming.

"Hurts huh?" Mere asked sitting down in a chair that was next to hers. She couldn't muster any words so she nodded.

"You are being so brave," Derek said. "Just close your eyes and relax."

"Don't think your here right now, just relax baby," Mere whispered wiping her tears away and stroking her face. Derek was holding her hand as Lyss's eyes closed tightly and her body relaxed.

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As Mere walked into the room her throat tightened. Her daughter hooked up to a machine, staring forward eyes glazed in pain. Seeing the tears run down her face made her want to pick her up like a baby again and cradle her in her arms. Back to when nothing was wrong. She was healthy, vibrant, never fighting like they did before she got the cancer.

She wanted to hold her close and whisper that everything was gonna be okay. She wanted those words to be true. She didn't want to be in the room right now, she wanted to be anywhere else but here. She wanted to be able to comfort Lyss as she had done when she needed her appendix out at 6, or when she ran away at 8. Even when she broke her arm and needed surgery. But this was something Lyss had to fight on her own. Something Mere had never gone through before.

Everyday Mere has seen and watched patients overcome cancer like this. But of course, there had been countless time when she has seen people had die from it. As she stroked Lyss's face she could feel and hear her breathing coming in short, ragged, and scared breaths. Almost matching her own. She was scared too. Scared her daughter would give up, scared she would lose her, scared that the family wasn't strong enough to survive this.

She had seen families go through times like this too many to count, but when it was her own family, it was unbearable. Wondering what her kids who are in school are thinking, wondering what Lyss is thinking. Not being sure of anything. This was not a feeling Mere was used to. She was a world class surgeon and along with her husband created a cure for an inoperable tumor. She was one of the smartest and best neurosurgeons on the west coast but when it hit close to home, she couldn't remember a thing.

Normally if she had a patient who had cancer with CNS involvement, she would already have a plan, but this, she had nothing. It felt like she had lost all knowledge. It was almost like when they were explaining the procedures to Lyss, she had to listen to them as well.

Never before has Mere felt this scared, so grateful for life. She never had much respect for life as Bonnie had said to her dead body many years ago when she drowned in the Elliot Bay, but even after that experience, there was no way she could have ever been prepared for this moment.

The tears were threatening to fall but she had to be strong. For Lyss, for Derek, for her family. She had to be there for everything. Fight along side Lyss step by step, making sure she beats this thing.

Mere wished she could take all the words of hate back she had expressed to Lyss and Derek in the past couple of months. She wished that Lyss's illness was not the reason for the family back together. She wished she could have more time with Lyss in case there last fight would be the last time Mere could have seen Lyss healthy.

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It wasn't fair. As Derek's hand balled into a fist, he found himself thinking like a child again. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that is daughter had to go through that much pain. Seeing the desperation in her face much him want to take it off of her, save them the pain, both hers and his. As she looked straight into his eyes, it made Derek want to baul.

He has never been one to cry. Not showing much emotion except the love he had towards his family. But at this moment he wanted to hold Lyss and Mere, and just cry. This was a moment he wished, never had come. He wanted Lyss too be healthy and not be sitting in the cold, darkened room.

Why had he yelled at her, screamed at her. There had to be a reason but he never tried to figure it out. He regrets every word he said especially if it could have saved him this moment. When Mere had found her unconscious in her room it was almost like the day Mere had drowned. The paleness of her face, how light she was, how he could barely hear her breathing. How close those two days were was too close.

There had been days where he watched patients and their families go through this, but the last time he felt so much pain was the day is dad had passed away. The look on her face, it was twisted in pain, unbearable to watch, but he had to. He had to be there for her, he had to reassure her that he would never become as distant with her again. He kept thinking to himself, maybe if I didn't treat her so badly we wouldn't be here.

At that note, he knew he was being stupid. It would have come no matter what, the family devastated, no matter what. Nothing could change that. Derek wished he could, he wished he could spare her the pain that was waiting for her. He wanted to be able to help, he was a surgeon for god's sake. He felt helpless. He was one of the best neurosurgeon's in the country and he couldn't do anything to help Lyss.

He wanted to be a good father, that's all he ever wanted. Watching her be in so much pain and not be able to anything for her made him feel far from that. Especially when he realized he could just be watching to her death. Stand around while she slowly dies. It was unbearable, he couldn't think about that. he sat there and stroked her arm and did something he hadn't done since the day Mere almost died. He prayed. For Lyss's recovery, for his family to survive this, and for anything that could spare him this moment.

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Pain. It ebbed every once and a while but it kept coming back with the same intensity. It shot throughout her body as the chemicals pumped into her body. Her lips quivered and she grabbed her fathers hand tightly. Why? Why me? She could only figure out one reason.

Was it because she was so horrible to her parents? She wished she could take it all back. The words that she had screamed at them that tore apart her family. The cuts that she thought were helping but only masked the pain. The mistakes she made over and over. The biggest one...... her pregnancy. It was all over now, but what would have happened if this didn't happen. Would her parents stayed with her? The answers she had for herself scared her so much.

Why didn't she tell her parents from the beginning? Why didn't she tell them how she was feeling? They could have helped, but instead she chose self mutilation and many other things she regrets. Would she be sitting here right now if she had just told her parents the truth?

She was sorry. So very sorry for what she did to her parents and to her whole family. She wanted to take it back she did. If she didn't do that, would anything have changed? Would her parents understand? Can she find the courage and the strength to tell them? Her eyes opened slowly and they looked around the room. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. Time had slowed down or sped up, she didn't know which one. She looked over to her mom who had tears in her eyes. She put up her hand and wiped them away gently.

Mere looked up and mother and daughter locked eyes. Lyss smiled weakly and Mere just squeezed her hand, smiled back, and kissed her forehead lightly. Then she looked at her father. He was facing forward deep in thought, but his hand was securely in hers. His entire body was tense so she eased off squeezing it. He looked at her immediately as if there was another reason for her to have eased off squeezing. She reassured him everything was okay with a smile and she just looked at him. Wishing that this moment could last forever. As the wall that had been between them for so long had finally been broken down.

The next thing she knew she was in the car riding home. Time had gotten away from her. She knew that she probably saw her Aunt Izzie, Bailey, and Callie one more time before leaving but she couldn't remember. This scared her terribly. When she got home she tried to stand up to get out of the car put she winced and cried out in pain. She didn't even have enough energy to open the door. Derek was immediately by her side opening the door. Mere got in the car next to her, to help her out.

Mere eased her out of the car and Derek helped her up putting his arms gently around her waist, supporting her weight. Everyone was still at school so the house was quiet. Lyss was tired, unbelievably tired. They said the chemo would knock you out but this was ridiculous. Since it was around lunchtime Derek and Meredith helped Lyss to the kitchen table when the phone rang. Mere left to get it while Derek stayed in the kitchen with Lyss. She has both her hands on her head while her arms were leaning on the table.

"Hello," Mere said into the telephone.

"Hi Mere, it Elizabeth."

"Hey mom," Meredith said, exhausted.

"I just wanted to say sorry about Lyss, how's she holding up."

"As well as could be expected. Today was her first day of chemo."

"That's rough, I just wanted to say if you wanted to cancel Thanksgiving this year...."

"No, it's gonna be the only time Lyss will see you guys, she needs the family together, you know a support system. There is no way she will be able to make it all the way out to New York, she is so tired already."

"Mere, get back to her, she needs you."

"Okay, thanks for calling."

"Goodbye Mere, see you soon. Tell Derek, Lyss, and the rest of them me and everyone else said hi."

"Bye mom, and could you tell everyone else not to call today, she needs rest."

"Of course." She hung up the phone and went back to the table.

"Lyss, lets get you upstairs okay," she said brushing Lyss's hair back.

"Okay Mom," she said exhausted and got up shakily. Derek and Meredith were immediately by her side to steady her and they both helped her up the stairs.

"Sleep well sweetie," Meredith said kissing her on the forehead. "I love you." Derek said the same and walked by the door. Lyss shifted and said as she drifted to sleep.

"I love you too...." They quietly closed the door and walked silently downstairs.

"Derek," Mere said desperately. "I..... I can't do this, I can't watch her, it's too hard. Did you see her face? And she is so wiped out, and soon she's gonna get nauseous and lose her hair... and Derek, what are we gonna do?"

"Shhh, Mere," he coaxed gathering her in his arms and sitting down on the couch. "We will be there for her, it' the only thing we can do. This is something she has to fight on her own."

"But that's the point Derek," Mere cried softly. "I don't want her to do it alone. She doesn't deserve to do this alone. I want to help her, I want to fight this with her. Why couldn't it be me."

"I know Mere, I was just saying the same thing to myself," he said holding Mere close.

"I just wish I could take everything back before we found out about it. Give us more time with her."

"Same, I would give anything to change it Mere. But it's over now, we have to move forward, help Lyss."

"I know, it's just today, her face, watching her go through chemo, watching her suffer, it was like......"

"Terrible I know." They sat there, Mere cuddled in his arms, after a little while of silence Mere finally said.

"She's gonna beat this Derek, I know she will. She survived this chemo, and she will survive the next one. And the next one, and the next one, and the next...." her voice started to get shaky. "Until she beats this thing, she will beat this cancer." She started to cry and shake in Derek's arms. He started to tear up to.

"Shhh, I know Mere, I know." About an hour had past and the two just sat on the couch and talked. Mere closed her eyes, and let out a deep breath. Abruptly she got up, startling Derek.

"I gotta check on her," she said worried.

"Okay Mere, the kids should be getting home soon, I'll wait down here." Mere didn't answer she just ran quietly upstairs. She opened the door slowly and looked in. She was sleeping peacefully, which made Mere worried. She was usually snoring as loud as she does, but then Mere realized she is probably so wiped out. She stood there for maybe 5 minutes and watched her chest rise and fall with each breath. When she heard Hayley, Paige, and Sophia's bus come home she went downstairs.

When she came downstairs Hayley, Paige, and Sophia greeted her loudly and happily, "Hey Mom!"

"Shhh," Mere hushed, they looked confused. "Lyss is sleeping upstairs."

"She's home?" Sophia asked. Mere nodded as she heard Kelsey, Jake, and Noah's bus arrive. Kelsey and Jake came bursting through the door followed by Noah.

"Mom, we're home," Kelsey called loudly.

"Shhh," Mere hushed again. "Lyss is home and........."

"Yay," Noah called. "Lyssa's home!" He started to run upstairs to Lyss's room.

"No Noah," Derek said grabbing his arm.

"Noah sweetie, Lyssa's sick and she need to rest okay," Mere told her son.

"Oh," he said sadly. "Okay, I'll see her when she gets up."

"Yeah sweetie, now everyone is going to have to be really quiet today, she needs rest."

"Of course mom," Hayley answered for everyone. They all went to do their homework and other things.

"Mere, how was she," Derek asked.

"Still sleeping, oh god Derek I am so scared!" Mere cried.

"I know Mere, I know," Derek said holding her close stroking her hair.

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Okay next chapter is Lyss's talk with Mere, and maybe with Derek too. But definitely Mere. Keep reading to find out more.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	34. Chapter 34: The First Talk

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Disclaimer: Just to let you know, I still don't own Grey's yet, or any of the characters.

Okay well this chapter is kind of boring till it gets to the whole Mer/Lyss talk. Like it's about her waking up and realizing it's the next day, getting nauseous for the first time, and then the Mer/ Lyss bonding. I may add Derek to the chapter, if I do it was completely last minute. HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!!!!!!

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She woke up disoriented. As if she was spun around fifty times or more and tried to walk. Lyss's hip still throbbed as she pushed herself to her feet barely holding her own wait. Little by little she walked out of her room and somehow gained the strength to make it to the stairs. This was the difficult part. Lyss grasped the railing so hard her knuckles turned white and she took a deep breath. Eventually she started to take small steps down. When she finally made it downstairs she heard her mother in the kitchen so she made her way there. Meredith was sitting at the table, her backed turned to her.

"Mom," Lyss said weakly to Mere who jumped at the sound of her voice obviously not expecting her.

"Lyss," Mere said rushing over to help her daughter sit down at the table. "How are you feeling sweetie?" Gently she pushed some of her hair out of her face.

"Okay I guess, still kind of tired."

"Well do you want some breakfast?" Mere asked. Lyss's head shot up confused and she looked at her mother. "Sweetheart, you had chemo yesterday." Lyss's eyes widened. She had chemo yesterday. She looked at the clock, 10:00 a.m, she slept for almost an entire 24 hours.

"Mommy," she whimpered like a little girl. "How could I sleep that long without even knowing it?"

"It's the chemo sweetie," Mere answered. "They said it would knock you out."

"I know but....."

"But what?"

"Nothing." Mere shrugged it off warily.

"Are you hungry?"

"Can I have some orange juice, and maybe some toast?"

"Anything you want sweetheart." She busied herself among the kitchen pouring Lyss a glass of orange juice and putting three pieces of toast in the toaster. Two for Lyss, one for her. She also poured herself a glass of orange juice. Lyss had her head on her hands and pushed her hair back. Grabbing the glass of orange juice she shakily puts it up to her lips and takes a small sip.

"Here you go sweetie," Mere said placing the toast in front of Lyss, and sitting down next to her.

"Thanks," she said weakly and took a bite of the toast.

"So what do you want to do today?" Mere asked biting into her toast.

"I don't know," she answered while yawing.

"We can just relax around the house a watch some movies until 3:00, that's when your father is coming home. We are going to switch shifts every other day, is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course." She took another bite of her toast but as her stomach felt queasy she put it down and pushed the plate away. Mere looked sympathetically at her daughter as she planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Mom, what about school, did you call them and tell them.... I...."

"I just did before you came down, one of your teachers just called, she expresses her sympathy, and knows you will fight it."

"That sounds like my homeroom teacher who is also my math teacher."

"That sounds about right."

"So everyone knows?" Lyss sighed, an anguished expression on her face. Meredith put a hand on her cheek gently.

"Yes everyone knows.... except Aunt Addie who decided to let Kevin take her out camping for the weekend after my party to a place that has no cell service." Lyss giggled until her stomach lurched. Her hand went to her mouth, unsure of what exactly was happening, but Mer knew. She got up quickly and ran to the bathroom. Bending over the toilet she threw up. Mere followed her closely and bent down beside her pulling her hair back gently. When she was done Lyss looked up as Meredith stroked her sweaty face gently.

"This is only the beginning, isn't it?" she asked, her voice cracking in grief, before bending over the toilet again.

"I afraid so sweetie," Mere said sadly. Lyss looked up again.

"Can you help me up?" she sighed, hating how helpless she sounded.

"Of course," Mere said grabbing a hold of her waist and hoisted her up.

"Thanks."

"Let's get you to the couch, and.... I guess we can watch your favorite movie." Lyss's tired eyes lit up.

"Rent," Lyss said smiling. "But Mom I won't be able to sing to it, I don't have enough energy."

"Well then maybe we can actually sit and watch it _peacefully_," Mere joked earning a weak laugh from Lyss. She puts the DVD it and sit down on the couch next to her daughter as the opening song starts to play.

_525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.  
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?  
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.  
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.  
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?  
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love.  
Seasons of love._

A smile grows on Lyss's face until her mouth begins to mouth the words. Mere looks over at her and laughs.

_525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.  
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?_

_In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.  
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died._

The smile disappeared at the words in that verse. They had come too close to what was happening to her now. She learned that her parents really did care, they had cried an awful lot, and the one that it close to her heart. DEATH. Death could come so easily. She didn't know how much longer she had, could she die today, next week, next month, next year, would her death even come. She made the decision that she had to tell her mom and dad the truth, before it comes.

Before she knew it, it was into the next song and all they saw was Anthony Rapp riding his bicycle. "_After this movies over," she vowed silently._ They sat their quietly and watched the movie. Well that is till Lyss leaned against Mere's shoulder and fell asleep, well at least Mere thought she was asleep. Really she was just waiting for the right moment to speak, and the right words to say. When the movie was over Mere gently lifted Lyss off her shoulder and laid her on the pillow. She got up and took the DVD out of the DVD player.

Then Mere turned around a bent down beside her daughter.

"I love you," she murmured into her ear and stroked her cheek once. When Mere turned around Lyss smiled. This was her chance.

"Mom," she said groggily.

"Oh sorry sweetie," Mere apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't asleep Mom," Lyss said. "But I do have something to say."

"What sweetie?"

"Mom..." she took a deep breath and continued. "I'm sorry...."

"Lyss...."

"Wait no, let me finish, I need to finish."

"Okay sweetheart."

"Mom, I am so sorry for the way I acted. I am so sorry for hitting you, for saying I hate you, for doing all the hurtful things I did toward you. You didn't deserve it at all." Mere sucked in a breath as it got caught in her throat. "It's just, I.... I wanted you to understand how I felt, if that makes any sense...."

"Lyss...."

"No Mom, it's my turn to speak." Lyss closed her eyes briefly as Mere nodded. "Ever since I was six and you forgot my first tap dance class, there was something inside me that was missing. I felt like whatever I was never good enough for you to pay me the littlest bit of attention."

"Lyss...."

"Mom, you know it's true. I just always felt like I was stuck in the middle, like I didn't matter. Like you loved Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, and Noah so much more then me. All of the things that happened probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't tried to get your attention. I would have told you about my appendicitis if I wasn't trying so hard to get you to notice me. After my recital at 8 when I got in the fight with you and ended up cracking my head open, I did that on purpose mom. In field hockey, I let myself fall, I let my arm break. I wanted you to notice me and hurting myself was the only way. And then when," she gasped as tears were running down her face. "When you forgot my recital, that's when I started cutting. The pain was welling up inside me, and I had to release it. That's why I turned goth, to get your attention one last time. Then it got out of control, I got pregnant, and then I wasn't faking anymore....." she started to cry until she looked up and saw her mother's face.

It was horrified, tears streaming down her face, she was crying silently.

"And you never asked," Lyss said quietly. She wasn't quite done.

"What?" Mere asked softly.

"You never asked.... about...." Lyss motioned down to her stomach. "You just assumed."

"Lyss...." Mere breathed.

"When we were fighting, that night... I.... well..... you never let me explain... I had a whole speech in my mind, of what I was going to say," Lyss murmured.

"What.... well.... do you want to tell me now?" Mere asked. Lyss nodded and shifted to look at her directly.

"What I was gonna say?" Lyss questioned.

"Act like you were telling me then, not now." Lyss took a breath.

"Will you act like that?"

"Yeah...."

"What is the word that means you said no," Lyss said.

"What?"

"When your having sex." Mere gasped and Lyss bit her lip.

"Rape," Mere choked out.

"Okay... well.... that's what I think Bryan did... to me..."

"You think?"

"I... well... He said he wanted to be alone, I thought he just wanted to hang so... I skipped the free field hockey clinic this summer and.... used my spare key to get into the cabin. It was awkward and... and then he started towards me... saying he wanted me... and I didn't know what to do... I didn't want to mess it up... so I let him take my clothes off, after he took his.... but then I got scared, but he was already on top of me... He.... he.... stuck his fingers in me... and then I couldn't stop him.... I told him no but he told me we had to finish... he told me we _had_ to, and I didn't know any better. He was too big to push off anyway. After he was done, he just laid there, on top of me, stroking me, I was so scared..." Lyss started to cry from the memory. "We sat there for an hour or... I don't know... it was happening so fast but so slow. He didn't let me go and put my clothes on until we had to leave, he just kept looking at me.... and.... and.... and..."

"And..." Mere whispered.

"Mommy I am pregnant." At that moment Mere's tears bubbled over and she started to sob in her hands. Lyss sat there herself, crying silently.

"We need to call the police," Mere said harshly.

"NO!" Lyss said.

"Lyss... he..."

"I want to forget it Mommy... I don't want to remember.... it's over, it's done, I have cancer now... and there isn't any evidence anymore...." Lyss told her.

"Oh Lyss," Mer whimpered.

Lyss reached up and brushed her tears away.

"I am not blaming you Mommy, or Daddy. I just wanted you to know, to understand why I got pregnant, and betrayed you guys in so many ways. Hurt you like you shouldn't have been. Destroyed our family. And now I am scared. Scared I can't fight this, scared I could die, scared Noah will forget me when I am gone, but most of all I am scared you and Daddy won't stand by me. I love you both so much, your the best parents ever, it's just... I am scared, so scared, and I want you to be proud of me."

"Sweetie," Mere cried embracing her daughter. "I never knew you felt this way, I never knew that happened to you. I am so so so so so so sorry. Me and Daddy love you so much, we knew something was wrong, we should have asked. We would never leave you alone baby, oh god! Lyss you are so brave and are handling this so well. I have never been prouder."

"I love you Mommy," Lyss cried squeezing her even tighter letting the tears fall on her shoulder.

"I love you too Lyss, so much!" She stoked her hair softly and hugged her back. "I love you so much." They sat there crying and hugging. Their sobs coming out in gasps shaking in each others arms.

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Okay, they finally had their talk. Hope you enjoyed it.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	35. Chapter 35: No More Secrets

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Disclaimer: Just to let you know, I still don't own Grey's yet, or any of the characters.

Anyway, this chapter is kind of a continuation of Mere and Lyss talking, then Derek and Lyss. Well, you'll see.

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After they were done crying Lyss fell asleep in Mere's arms. Surprisingly Mere was able to lift up her fragile body. She hadn't figured in the dramatic weight loss that occurred recently. Slowly Mere carried Lyss up the stairs and gently put her down on her bed. Mere climbed in next to her and watched her sleep.

Looking at Lyss, she couldn't believe that this was her once vibrant daughter. Pale, exhausted, sick. The tears still ran down her face at her daughter's previous words. She felt left out, stuck in the middle, and Mere never did anything. Mere felt like she was her own mother. Why hadn't she seen it, the desperate attempts for the attention when she was younger. Maybe if she had payed attention, maybe she wouldn't be lying next to her daughter who has cancer.

She was a doctor, she was smart, but not smart enough to be a good mother, she failed. She failed Lyss, she failed all of her kids, and she failed Derek. How could they live with her, did anyone else feel that way? Mere's head was spinning with thoughts and she was so consumed in them, that she didn't even realize that Lyss's eyes were open.

Lyss's hand met Meredith's shoulder comfortingly as her own tears spilled down her face.

"Lyss," Mere began.

"Wait Mom don't...." Lyss said.

"No Lyss, your had your turn to speak, now it's mine."

"Okay." Lyss looked into her mother's eyes, her eyes.

"Lyss, if I have ever known that you felt that way I would have payed attention. It's just, I was trying to make sure everyone got enough attention that I guess you slipped up. Knowing your the middle child I thought you would have enough comfort between having your older sisters and younger brother and sisters, and having attention from us, just not as much. I don't know. But I never thought that you would feel stuck in the middle, feel like you didn't have enough attention."

Lyss's eyes filled with more tears as the two of them still were lying down on Lyss's bed.

"I.... I.... I don't know what got into me. When you were six, Kelsey was bugging me and Daddy to get ice cream and I guess I was so annoyed that I gave in and forgot. And then your recital, well, Kelsey lied and she was crying, and.... and...."

"Mom," Lyss said looking straight into her eyes and put her hand on Mere's shoulder again.

"No, wait, when I missed your field hockey game, Kelsey's class ran late and Noah wouldn't stop crying in the car and then I came and you were falling. I never knew you did it on purpose. And then finally, your recital, I guess since Kelsey manipulated your story I was too focused on punishing you and then I had a late surgery and, Lyss, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cut yourself, or do anything. Cause you never needed to act out or get pregnant for you to get my attention, you already had it. I know it's no excuse.... but..."

Lyss was crying even harder and Mere stroked her face gently.

"I love you Lyss, and I want to fight beside you but I can't. I will be there and Daddy will be too, but this is something that you have to fight on your own and I thought I couldn't watch you go through this. But I will, I will because I love you and I would never leave you alone. But when you told me what you felt like you got me thinking. I have been trying so hard not to become my mother, but now I think i did."

"Mommy, I love you too, and I know you won't leave me alone..... now. But, who says I have to fight this on my own." She smiled and grabbed her Mom's hand. "I need support, I need everyone's strength to beat this, not just my own. And I know I can count on you for a lot of that. There is no way that you have turned into the grandmother that died before I was born, the one who you said left you alone at the age of two or three. You are the best mom in the whole world."

"Lyss, you don't know how glad I am to hear you say that."

"You should be glad, because it's true." Mere smiled back at her mom and wiped away Lyss's tears. Lyss reached forward to wipe Mere's tears away and laughed.

"Mom, look at us." Mere laughed too.

"I love you Lyss."

"I know Mommy, I love you too." Mere wrapped her arms around her daughter and hugged her tightly. "Mom, I am kind of hungry, I wanna try to eat again."

"Okay sure Lyss." She got up and walked to the other side of the bed and helped Lyss up. To get her down the stairs she wrapped her arms around her waist but Lyss refused and walked down slowly on her own.

"See, I can do it."

"I know you can sweetie." Lyss laughed weakly and stuck her tongue out at her mother playfully. Mere returned the gesture and made a sandwich for Lyss and herself. They ate their sandwiches silently, well actually Lyss only ate half. When she was done she watched her mom eat and looked down at her plate. Finally she looked up.

"Mom, do you think I can beat this."

"Honey," Mere said grabbing her daughter's hands. "I think you can do anything your mind to."

"Really."

"It's gonna be hard, I won't lie to you but I know you are strong enough. The treatments are going to get worse, your blood counts will drop, your hair will fall out, and you may land in isolation a couple of times, but I know you, you won't give up without a fight." Lyss looked at her with wide, scared eyes.

"I'm not sure about that."

"Sweetie, your a Shepherd, and a Grey, we have to count that, we don't give up. You think when I had my hand on the bomb that it would have just been easier to let go and kill everyone in the room including the patient. Or when I drowned, I could have let go, but then you wouldn't have been born, and your father, he would have been devastated. Then finally, me and your father could have never started the clinical trial, we could have just given up. Now we have saved hundreds of people because of it. The point is, we don't give up, we are strong enough to do anything we want." Lyss smiled slightly.

"Well then I have no intention of leaving."

"Good." She was broken off when Lyss got up quickly to empty the contents of her stomach. Mere did the same as she had done earlier. She held her hair back and stroked her face gently. This time, after helping her to the couch she got a hot rag and walked back over to the couch. She put the wash cloth to Lyss's face and stroked it gently.

"Mom, I'm okay now," Lyss said sitting up. "It just takes a lot of energy out of me."

"Okay, you can just rest here," Mere said standing up. "I will be right back, I just have to do something."

"Okay," Lyss said laying back down and closing her eyes. Mere walked into the kitchen, cleaned up, and called the hospital.

"Hello," Richard said on the other line.

"Hey Richard I need a favor."

"What Mere, anything you need."

"I'm gonna need the day off. I need to be there for Lyss."

"Of course, but do you mind me asking what was so sudden other then your daughter having cancer."

"Richard.... Dad, she told me. She told me she felt left out, that she felt that she was stuck in the middle, like we didn't love her...." her vice broke off with the start of her crying.

"Meredith I am sorry." Meredith sniffed.

"You don't sound surprised."

"She told Yang, Bailey, both Karev's, and I when she found out that she was pregnant."

"So she wasn't alone." Mere sounded strangely happy.

"No she wasn't, and even though you were fighting with her at the time, you were there for her."

"Thanks Richard."

"I am sending Derek home."

"Obviously you haven't checked your OR board, Derek's not getting out of surgery until 3:00."

"Okay then."

"Well I better get back to her, well actually I am gonna try to call Addie again. She says she hates the wilderness, yet she lets her fiance drag her out to the wilderness with little to no cell service. She doesn't know yet."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks, bye."

"See you tomorrow Meredith." Mere hung up the phone and checked up on Lyss, she was asleep. She checked the time, 1:00 two hours till Derek would be home. She walked back to the kitchen and tried Addie's cell.

"Hello," a confused and fuzzy voice came from the other line.

"Kevin, it's Meredith, why do you have Addie's cell."

"Oh, well see she is.... uh.... a little preoccupied at the moment." Meredith laughed through her tears that Kevin didn't pick up on.

"I don't even want to know, but can you get her, this is _really _important."

"Okay, it looks like she is coming now, but you can tell me, it looks like it will take a minute or two." Mere laughed slightly at the comment but her tone became serious.

"Well, after you and Addie left Kelsey and my party, when you left to lord knows where, um we found Lyss unconscious on the floor."

"I.... oh.... well.... was it the baby?"

"No, it was something worse. We got her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia, it's a type of cancer."

"Oh my god...." Kevin whispered gasping slightly.

"What?" Mere heard Addie say in the background. She heard the phone be transfered between the two.

"Hello, Meredith?"

"Addie, I have bad news."

"What?"

"After the party, Lyss you know after everyone found out, we found her unconscious on her bedroom floor. And before you ask, it wasn't the baby."

"What was it Mere?"

"AML."

"Oh my god, cancer, Mere, oh my god Lyss, oh my god."

"Addie, I know."

"I'm sorry, we are cutting the trip short and coming out to Seattle."

"Why would you do that Addie?"

"She's my god daughter. The closest thing to a daughter because of my fossilized eggs."

"Enjoy you're time with Kevin, you are coming for Thanksgiving like always, and we are celebrating her one month of chemo, me and Derek already planned it."

"But..."

"Ads, what do you think Lyss would say. She may be sick but she's still the same stubborn girl she always was."

"Okay, but I don't know how I am gonna enjoy the wilderness after this."

"You were enjoying the wilderness before, I thought Derek said that when discussing the trailer......"

"Oh shut up Mere, I am not letting you finish that."

"Okay, well, have fun, see you soon."

"Bye Mere, say hi to Lyss, Derek, and the rest of them for me."

"Of course." Meredith hung up the phone and walked back to Lyss. Her eyes were fluttering open.

"Hey sweetie," Mere said kissing her head.

"Hey Mom," Lyss said weakly. "So, you're little speech earlier got me thinking. I really would like to know all your little stories you know like, Aunt Addie showing up, hand in the bomb, prom, Denny, appendicitis, drowning, clinical trial, house of candles, that kind of stuff."

"That's a long list, haven't you been told most of them?"

"Not to full extent, you or Daddy would always show up."

"Okay well fine......" Mere began explaining all things Lyss wanted to hear. They laughed as she reminisced. Lyss couldn't believe any of the things she heard. Her mom, the strong, brilliant surgeon she looked up to, almost dying and failing countless times. By the end the two ended up falling asleep side by side on the couch. Derek came in and found them together. As the kids came home one by one, they went their ways leaving the two alone. Derek sat down on his chair that was in the corner and watched as his daughter's eyes open slowly.

"Hey Lyss," he said quietly.

"Daddy, when you get home?"

"An hour ago."

"Oh, okay." Lyss shifted slightly and let Meredith's arm flop down on the couch.

"You're Uncle Richard told me about your conversation with your mother." Lyss got up slowly.

"Oh," she whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked warily. Lyss didn't answer. She pushed herself up slowly, and painfully limped towards Derek. Silently she let herself flop on his lap and she curled her knees up to her stomach.

"It felt like you two didn't love me anymore Daddy," she cried all of a sudden and buried her head into his shoulder.

"Shhh baby, I know, I am so sorry you felt like that. Shhh."

"It felt like nothing I ever did was good enough. Like I was stuck in the middle, like I couldn't get your attention. I am so sorry for everything I did. For fighting, for getting pregnant, it wasn't supposed to happen, and you didn't deserve it."

"Shhh. I am sorry that I yelled, that I didn't understand, that I hit you. I never meant to hurt you. I was blind from rage."

"About that night daddy, I was... I was telling the father."

"Bryan?"

"Yeah. Oh my god, it was horrible. He called me a whore and a bitch, then broke up with me. He wasn't the guy I thought he was." Derek's eyes flared and hand balled in a fist. But instead of getting up he let his heartbroken daughter hug him tightly and cry on him. He hugged her back. He would go over his house later, but know wasn't the time.

"I love you Daddy."

"I love you too Lyss." She hugged him tighter and eventually fell asleep. He sat there watching her and Meredith as Sophia took control and took care of everyone, helping them with homework and stuff. That was until Mere woke up and called Lyss's name out feeling the couch where her daughter was no longer.

"Lyss, Lyssa where are you," she called out.

"Mere calm down she's right here."

"Thank god, Derek when you get home?"

"A little while ago, I was sitting here with her for a little."

"Okay, Derek did you know...."

"She told me," he said wiping away the tears that formed a while ago.

"It's over now Derek let's get her upstairs." Derek nodded and lifted his daughter gently. As he walked upstairs Noah came out of his room. He looked at Lyss sadly, Kelsey was behind him and guided him to his room. She smiled sadly and closed the door behind her. Derek continued to Lyss's room and put her down. He stroked her face and kissed her on the forehead. Meredith pushed the hair out of her face and did the same.

"I love you Lyss," they both whispered and walked out of her room. They were greeted by their kids who had somber faces. Meredith wiped away her own tears and Derek's before walking downstairs to make dinner. Derek bent down to pick up Noah and kissed the forehead of the rest of his kids. They walked downstairs together silently.

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Derek was involved now so there are no longer any secrets. Everyone knows about the cancer as well. The next few chapter is how Lyss handles the chemo, her hair loss, and her relationship with her siblings, especially Kelsey and Noah.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	36. Chapter 36: Siblings

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Disclaimer: Just to let you know, I still don't own Grey's yet, or any of the characters.

This chapter is about how she rekindles her relationship with Kelsey that never really was evident and how she tries to create a bond with Noah because he is only 4 1/2, and wants him to remember her if she leaves. I am gonna have Noah and Kelsey point of views. Oh yeah and Derek's, he gets time off and goes over to Bryan's house, I just wanna show you what that is like, how far he goes to protect his daughter.

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The next day Lyss kept to herself trying to regain strength. The strength that would deteriorate tomorrow when she had chemo again. Derek had moved her to the couch so he could keep and eye on her. Lyss was up periodically to throw up, but immediately was back on the couch. She had refused breakfast and lunch because she was already nauseous enough. Lyss didn't even remember when Derek had left and Mere had come home. Pretty soon the kids came home and she was moved upstairs where she slept until the next morning for chemo.

Derek was on call that night so early in the morning after everyone was on their respective buses and Noah was dropped off at preschool Mere drove Lyss to the hospital where she was administered her second round of chemo. This time it wasn't so bad, she had braced herself in the beginning so she could get used to it.

This time, she was also in the pediatric oncology ward where there were several other kids, some her age, some younger, some babies, getting administered chemo. Lyss looked around at all the bald heads, some with scarfs on, some not bothering, then she looked at her hair. It was still long, still thick, still on her head. She was the only one there with hair still and it wasn't going to be that way for much longer.

Her parents were right beside her the entire time, her Aunt Izzie and Aunt Bailey checking in on her periodically. When she left the hospital she barely recognized her Aunt Lexie, Aunt Christina, and Uncle George who had greeted them on the way out. She was already drifting off to sleep. On the way home, the chemo knocked her out so Derek carried her up the stairs and waited for their kids to come home. When they did, they already knew to be quiet already understanding that this is what was gonna happen for a while.

At dinner they all sat in their normal seats painfully aware of the empty one next to Jake. They knew she was still there in the house, upstairs, resting, but it was so hard. Jake looked next to him sadly and barely touched his food. Noah was extremely confused, and the others were just silent. After all the homework was finished they turned in for an early night, knowing that things may never be the same.

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Where was his sister? Noah Richard Shepherd was extremely confused. One day she was there, the next she wasn't. How much could a 4 year old comprehend. He loved his sister, she was always really nice to him before she changed. And then she was gone. When he went upstairs her bedroom door was always closed. Whenever he asked questions, they avoided it. He missed her.

If he ever tried to be loud or play he was scolded to be quiet for Lyss's sake, but he didn't even know that she was there. Whenever he did see her she was asleep, or extremely tired and unable to talk. He was scared of her.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't understand why everyone was always so sad. he could lay awake at night and hear his parents cry, hear his sisters cry. All for his sister. Lyssa he called her. His parents were not how he remembered them before the fighting stage. They used to be happy, loving, now they were distant and sad. He needed answers, and if they weren't gonna give them to him, he was going to find out himself.

After dinner that night he walked upstairs. But instead of doing what he normally did and avoided the only closed door, he walked towards it. He slowly turned the doorknob and opened it slowly.

"Noah," Sophia hissed quietly from behind him making him jump. "What are you doing?" She grabbed his arm and closed the door. She slowly took him to his room and sat down next to him on his bed.

"I wanted to see Lyssa, Phia."

"I'm sorry Noah but Lyssa's very tired right now, you can't see her, maybe tomorrow."

"That's what you always say, she is never out, she used to be fun."

"Oh I know," Sophia said, sadness evident in her voice. "You will see her soon, I promise, it's the weekend so you don't have to go to school."

"But I miss her," he cried.

"I know, me too," she said hugging him. "Me too." She left the room and Meredith came in to help him get dressed. Derek followed. They said goodnight to him, wiped his tears, and reassured him everything would be okay. Although everything was far from it.

He sat in his bed, his questions hadn't been answered. He was angry, he needed to find out. Before that could happen he fell asleep to the normal sounds of crying coming from the various rooms in the house.

The next morning it was silent, everyone either still asleep or downstairs. One thing he knew for sure, that Lyss was in her room. He snuck quietly out into the hallway and went into her room. She was sleeping quietly in her bed. She was very pale, like a ghost, but she was breathing, he could tell by the sight rise and fall of her chest. She looked so fragile, like if he touched her she would break. She scared him. He backed up from the bed in shock, he stood in the corner and watched his sister.

He loved her, she was his favorite sibling, even better then Jake. She was the only one who payed the most attention to him besides his parents, until now. She wasn't, she couldn't be there for him. He started crying softly until she started to stir. He ran up to the side of her bed and touched her hand gently. She jolted as she regained consciousness.

"Noah," she said weakly. "You scared me."

"Sorry Lyssa."

"It's okay buddy."

"I missed you." Lyss looked at him sadly and patted the spot next to her on the bed as she sat up.

"Come here," she said while pulling him into a hug.

"Where are you all the time, why are you always so tired. It scares me."

"I'm sorry buddy, but I am really sick, and I need to rest so I can get better."

"How long till you get better?"

"I don't know, but probably not for a while."

"Why?" he cried.

"I have a disease called AML, it's a type of cancer, do you know what cancer is?" He shook his head.

"It's just a disease that makes me really sick and weak, I have to go for this treatment called chemotherapy and that makes me get really tired and have to throw up." It was really hard for Lyss to explain it, he was so innocent.

"Then why don't you stop Lyssa, I don't like when your tired?"

"Buddy, if I stop, I won't get better."

"Oh, then keep doing it. I don't want you to stay sick, I don't like seeing you sick Lyssa."

"Okay buddy, I promise." There was a long pause as Lyss hugged her little brother tightly and kissed his forehead. After a little while of staying like this Noah said.

"Lyssa, are you gonna die."

"I don't know Noah." She was unsure how to answer.

"Don't die Lyssa," Noah cried. "I'd miss you too much."

"Shhh buddy, don't cry, I am not going anywhere at the moment."

"You're the best sister ever, I love you."

"I love you too Noah."

"Lyss is it okay if I stay in here a while."

"Of course buddy." He hugged her tightly.

"Hey Noah, you wanna know a secret."

"What?"

"I was the person who named you when I was 8."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's kind of funny, when I was that young, Noah was the name of my crush."

"That's funny."

"Noah do you think I can beat this."

"Yeah Lyssa, you can do anything."

"I don't know about that."

"You're the coolest person I know."

"And why is that?"

"You do so much stuff like field hockey, and dance, drama and singing. And you're really good. It's so cool when I get to see your musicals, you are an awesome singer. Even if Kelsey thinks watching you dance is boring, I think it's cool."

"Aw, Noah you didn't have to say that."

"It's not hard when it's true."

"You are such a little dork."

"But I am your little dork."

"Oh really," she says and she starts tickling him in the stomach. he lays down on the bed and starts squealing. Meredith and Derek hear this and run upstairs. They open her door and stand there watching her daughter tickle Noah. They smiled and looked at each other sadly because she knew she was being strong for Noah. When she was done Noah stood up and hugged her. With all her strength she picked him up and put him on her good hip.

"Hey Mom, Hey Daddy!" she said to them smiling but they could see how hard she was trying. Her breaths were a little ragged and all her weight was on her good leg.

"Morning sweetie," Derek said.

"Lyss, put Noah down, you'll hurt yourself," Mere scolded.

"Mom, I am fine, I can at least carry him downstairs."

"Be careful," Mere warned. Lyss smiled and regained composure to walk downstairs. Before Lyss put him down he wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Love you Lyssa."

"Love you too buddy."

"Time for breakfast," Meredith called from the kitchen. Instead of following everyone Lyss went over to the couch exhausted. Kelsey turned around.

"Lyss, you coming."

"Come on Kels, you should at least know that I can't eat without throwing up."

"Okay."

"LYSSA!" Noah called. "Come eat."

"Noah, sweetie she can't eat or she'll feel sick," Mere explained.

"Oh okay." He looked sad again. Twice during their breakfast Lyss had gotten up to throw up and each time Mere and Derek took turns helping her back up and holding her hair back. They sadly knew they would only have to do that for a little while longer until her hair fell out.

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It made her breakfast less appetizing. Seeing the sister, she had never really liked, never had a relationship with, run back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. It was sad, it made her sad, it made her wish that she was nicer to her. In a strange way she missed her.

The last time she threw up Derek helped Lyss over to the couch where instead of sitting up like she had been she laid on on the couch and closed her eyes. Kels looked at her sadly and her other sisters. They gave her an encouraging smile that masked their real feelings, they were scared too. After breakfast her father had to do something so Mere cleaned up the kitchen and went to the hospital to pick up Lyss's prescription of anti-nausea medicine. Hayley and Paige went to their room, Sophia got Noah preoccupied and Jake had gone with Meredith wanting to get out of the house. That left Kelsey downstairs with her resting sister.

She silently went over to the couch where she sat on her father's chair and watched her sleep. As Noah had done in her room, when Lyss stirred she got up and walked over.

"Hey Lyss, how are you feeling?" Lyss looked up bewildered for a second but her eyes cleared.

"Oh Kels it's you, a little better."

"Good, you need anything?"

"No I'm fine, where's Mom?"

"She's getting you the anti-nausea medicine Aunt Izzie prescribed."

"Good, I certainly need that."

"Lyss, I'm sorry." Lyss looked at her like she didn't understand.

"What for Kels, it's not like you gave me the cancer?"

"No, I mean for how I acted, ever since I was 2. I really was a brat, I got you in so much trouble, especially when I was four. God, I like threw mashed potatoes or something and then you got in a fight with Daddy, and then ran away. I was a really bad sister and now you're sick, and I am scared. Scared you won't have the chance to forgive me."

"Kels...."

"Wait, I am not finished..." Lyss nodded for her to continue. "When you rebelled against Mom and Daddy I felt so guilty, I should have given you an easier time the day of your recital. And it is kind of my fault I distracted them and didn't remind them about your recital. I am so sorry that I wasn't a good little sister. I know I am your only one and I probably failed to every extent of what you hoped I would be."

"Kelsey, it's okay you're forgiven." The truth was, she had already forgiven her little sister. When she was diagnosed she didn't want to have any more grudges. She wanted to focus on fighting the cancer.

"I guess I felt jealous."

"Jealous, of me?"

"You did so much, I looked up to you, I wanted to be better. You were so good at dancing I wanted to be a dancer, and I don't know."

"Kelsey, come over here," Lyss said opening her arms for a hug. She pulled her into an embrace. Kelsey was crying.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain. Shhh it's okay."

"Lyss you have to fight, I need the chance to be a good little sister."

"Shhh, it's okay, you already were."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I didn't act like that with Hayley, and Paige, and Sophia, it's what little sisters do. I almost felt like I failed you as a big sister."

"Well you didn't, and I'm sorry I didn't get to know you well."

"It's okay, I understand."

"I want to start over Lyss."

"I'd like that." Lyss held her crying sister until both girls drifted to sleep on the couch.

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Okay I changed my mind, Derek is gonna kick Bryan's ass next chapter, that will be so much fun to right about. Hope you enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	37. Chapter 37: Beginning of the End?

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Disclaimer: Just to let you know, I still don't own Grey's yet, or any of the characters.

Now, I am having a Derek point of view for the Bryan smack down, then it comes back to Lyss, for little drabbles on the next week in Lyss's life. You know the pain, torture, tiredness, cause then something else big happens that makes Lyss break down. Hope you, enjoy, I promise Bryan get what he deserves. He he!!!!

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Derek tried to control his anger. He had dropped Lyss of here once before so he knew where he was going. 101,103, 105, that's it, Bryan's house. As he noticed, there were cars in the driveway it made him happy to know his parents would be here to see it. Derek got out of the stalked angrily up to the house. As he rang the doorbell, his hands balled into fists when Bryan answered it.

"What the hell are you doing here Mr. Shepherd, news flash, I broke up with the whore a week ago," he said nonchalantly and tried to close the door. Derek's eyes flared. "By the way, were you looking for her here, cause the bitch hasn't shown up in school, oh wait, you probably sent her to a convent."

"Get your parents," Derek muttered.

"What?"

"YOU HEARD ME I SAID GET YOUR PARENTS!" he said.

"Fine, god." A minute later his parents were at the door, but Bryan was absent.

"Get your son, he needs to be here for this."

"Bryan! Get your ass in here now!" his father called into the room. Bryan grudgingly came to the door.

"Now what is this about Mr. Shepherd?" Bryan's mother asked.

"Did you have any clue that your son got my thirteen year old daughter pregnant?"

"Shit, you weren't supposed to tell them."

"Bryan Jacob......" his parents yelled simultaneously.

"Also, did you know he called my daughter a whore and a bitch, once to her face and now to mine."

"We..." his father began.

"Why deny the truth?"

"Bryan, that's no way to talk, haven't we taught you better," his mother scolded/

"Well, he is clueless to know it was her idea."

"It was not, I am sure of it."

"Everything she did was spite of you."

"Shut up, we worked it out."

"Sure, after you sent her to the convent, right like you care about her."

"She is not at a convent, she doesn't have the baby anymore."

"You made her abort it right."

"Well, you can talk it out, we will be inside, Bryan we are talking to you about this later," his mother said quickly and went inside.

"Use any physical force necessary, he is useless, we won't hold it against you," his father growled and slammed the door. For a brief second Der felt sorry for the kid but he got over it.

"No she lost it."

"She would have been a horrible mother anyway, how could that baby stand living with a bunch of screw ups."

"She lost it because......"

"Your family's a bunch of screw ups, starting with you."

"She lost it because....."

"You should die in a hole."

"She lost it because she has cancer you ungrateful son of a bitch."

"Good I hope she dies." Derek lost it, he had heard enough of his trashing, it was his daughter, his family she was talking about. His knuckles balled into a fist and met Bryan's nose. It was followed by a quick spurt of blood. Bryan returned fire hitting Derek's eye, as Bryan raised his fist again Derek thought it had gone far enough. He caught his fist and twisted his wrist around. With a hard push he sent Bryan flying into the door with a loud bang.

Not bothering to see the damage, he walked away angrily. When he heard Bryan's parents come out he added. "I expect an apology from him for both my daughter and I by the end of this week." He got into his car and drove back home. Derek could see his eye swelling, Mere would make a fuss but he didn't care. Bryan got what he deserved. Derek walked into the house and observed it was quiet. Meredith and Jacob weren't home from the hospital yet.

Derek walked over to the couch and was surprised to see Lyss and Kelsey curled up together sleeping. Even his daughter's who had many fight when they were little made amends because of Lyss's disease. He smiled and looked down at them, the tears that were brimming stung his eye and he looked down to his swollen knuckle. He grimaced as he flexed it. He didn't care, it was worth it. He had to avenge his daughter's despair and disease.

When Mere walked in her eyes immediately went to his hand and eye.

"Derek Shepherd, what the hell did you do?" she exclaimed.

"I went over to Bryan's house, and had a little chat."

"Jacob, go get your father some ice."

"Yes Mom," Jacob said and returned shortly with a bag. Meredith took it from him and told him to go upstairs. Meredith sat down beside Derek at the kitchen table and put the ice to his hand and gently to his eye.

"What were you thinking you silly, silly man," she laughed until he winced at her touch. "Well you deserve it."

"I had to get him back Mere," Derek contradicted.

"I know he caused Lyss pain, but this isn't helping."

"It helped me be at peace, to know my daughter's safe."

"I'm sure it did, I just hope you don't have to pay for what you did."

"Well after I told his parents about the pregnancy, they really didn't care about him. If he wasn't such an asshole, I would actually feel sorry for the kid."

"Derek, oh never mind, what's done is done. By the way, where is Lyss?"

"Mere look on the couch," Derek told her and smiled. She did as he told her and she looked on the couch. Her face broke out into a smile at the adorable scene, tears dampened her face. She turned around as Derek came up next to her ice still on his eye.

"They made up," she whispered.

"Finally."

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Oh my god the pain. The pain was evident in every breath she took, every step she took. It wouldn't stop not matter how much she rested. The chemo, it was unbearable, the chemicals shot off into her body killing everything in sight, not caring if they destroyed the cancer or not. Her immune system felt shot along with her ability to stay awake for more then a half an hour.

You can't forget the nausea, that was the worst part. The reason she had to get up almost every hour. The medicine she took was called anti-nausea. Ha! Anti-nausea my ass, it doesn't work. All it did was make her fall asleep and make her less prone to eat. As if the constant headaches, tiredness, dizziness, and everything else wasn't bad enough.

The week had felt like months. It was only her first week of treatment, and Lyss couldn't handle it. Watching her family try to live their lives while hers was falling apart. She knew theirs was too, but they didn't have cancer, they had a choice.

They didn't have to go through three hours of chemo to prevent yourself from dying. Not to mention, the chemo could possibly just be lengthening her expiration date. They didn't have to lay in bed all the time because they didn't have energy to keep herself up and moving. Although her mom and dad looked on the verge of a breaking point, they didn't have to lean their head over a toilet bowl every hour. She just felt like she was in a bubble. Her family was living in a bubble. Everyone else could live out their lives as Lyss was slowly dying.

She was jealous, jealous everyone else in the world could live, while she waited to die. She hated how she had to sit and wacth while her world fell apart around her.

When she looked at her parents, all she could see was sadness. Their faces had permanent circles underneath their eyes. It was like the life was drained out of them. Her siblings were silently moving around her, as if they could run away from it all. It scared her, she wished she could go back, to when she was healthy. To when she had the energy to do the things she loved.

Field hockey, dancing, singing, acting. The things she used to define herself with.

When she laid in bed or on the couch or in her parents arms she would cry. She wanted to become normal again, not the girl with cancer. In one short week, cancer had ruined her life. She couldn't remember anything, except her new routine.

On the third day get up, drive to the hospital, sit there for three hours while chemicals were pumped into her body, go home, fall asleep. The next day, wake up, go downstairs, sit on the couch, fall asleep, get up and random hours to throw up, go upstairs, fall asleep. Next day, wake up, go downstairs, attempt to eat breakfast, throw up, sleep on the couch, throw up at random points of the day, attempt to eat dinner, throw up, go upstairs, go to sleep. The final day, get up, go downstairs, eat breakfast, be able to hold it for an hour, throw up, sit on the couch, talk with her mom or dad, fall asleep, eat lunch, fall asleep, throw up, eat dinner, throw up, go upstairs, fall asleep. Then she started the cycle over again.

She fell into the routine so easily. Everyone would just sit around and watch her, no one had a life. If it wasn't for needing money, she doesn't even think her parents would leave her. Lyss was painfully aware of the shape she was in. She was ghostly pale, no muscle mass, and as skinny as a stick. If she tried playing field hockey, she wouldn't have been able to hold the stick. If she tried to dance, Lyss probably couldn't have even managed a simple plie.

What everyone noticed was her losing the ability to talk. She used so much energy to do the little daily things she did that talking was too difficult. Not that Lyss could remember anything. She couldn't remember anything. Lyss knew people visited her. Like teachers, friends, and family, but she couldn't remember faces, and who, and what they did.

She felt useless, like a load, and what was the most saddening was that Lyss knew, and had no power to change, was that this was only the beginning. She hasn't even been to the hospital yet for anything other then chemo. She had yet to become anemic, isolated, and the cancer was still undetermined, meaning it could be chemo-resistant. She shuddered at the thought.

Lyss didn't know much of anything, but she did know one thing. If it was chemo-resistant and maybe even it it wasn't, this could be the beginning of the end.

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Something big isn't life threatening, well she has cancer, that's life threatening, but this is something that is big for her. It sends Lyss into a short emotional breakdown and she feels the cancer finally became real. It even goes so far as to yelling at Noah. Sorry this chapter didn't have much Lyss in it, I wanted to show the whole thing with Bryan.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	38. Chapter 38: Hair Loss and Tickle Fights

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Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ha!

What else, can happen, she feels nauseous, tired, can't eat, doesn't Lyss already have it bad enough. Apparently the cancer and the chemo don't agree. That's half the chapter, the other half is for what everyone has been asking for, Merder time. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Her eyes flicker open then closed again. It was light out obviously morning again. It hurt her eyes. But what was today. What was the date, the month, she couldn't remember. Did she have chemo today, or was it yesterday, the day before, she couldn't remember. Lyss tried to sit up to check the time but she fell back down on the bed from dizziness.

"Pathetic," she muttered. "It's only been a few freaking week of chemo and I can't even get out of my freaking bed." The tears that had formed a long time ago started to fall down her face. Exhausted Lyss closed her eyes and ran her hands through her hair. When she opened them she let out a gasp as she noticed the blond strands of hair that laced around her fingers.

Her hands started to shake as she got up, ignoring the dizziness. She hopped off the bed, but too quickly making her stumble toward the mirror. Her hands went out to grasp it and she pulled herself towards it. As her vision cleared Lyss made out the small bald spot that exposed her scalp around her widow's peak. She started to shake as she ran her hand through her hair once more. This time a large chunk landed in her fingers leaving a large spot in the back of her head. She needed her mom.

As Lyss tried to call out to her but her voice shook and a short high-pitched scream replaced it. Seconds later Lyss heard footsteps coming up the stairs. By now Lyss was shaking uncontrollably and her vision was blurred from the amount of tears that fell down her face. Mere barged through the door and made a shocked sound.

Her eyes instantly traveled to her hand where the hair still laid, and then to the large bald spot the rested next to her part. Lyss turned around to look at her mother revealing the second bald spot.

"Oh Lyss," Mere breathed and rushed up to hold and hug her daughter.

"Mommy," Lyss cried as Mere embraced her. She cried into her chest as Mere guided Lyss's hand to put the hair down on the dresser. Lyss was still shaking as her knees buckled and she collapsed in her mother's grasp.

"Shhh, baby girl," Mere soothed. "It's gonna be alright, Shhh." She hugged her daughter tightly as she noticed the blonde stands of hair that were now resting on her chest. "It's okay Lyss, you're gonna fight this, Shhh." Lyss cried harder as Mere began to lead her to her bed. That's when Noah came in.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" he asked. "Lyssa it's gonna be okay." He walked over and touched Lyss on the arm lightly. This freaked Lyss out sending her on a rampage.

"Shut Up!" she screamed at him. "Get away from me and just Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up! You little brat!" Noah looked at her for a second stunned and scared until he ran out of her room bursting into tears. Lyss still fumed started shaking more until she realized what she had done and stood still for a second. Her anger was too out of control though. "GET OUT!"

"Alyssa, stop it!" Mere gasped, she helped her over to the bed, kissed her on the cheek, and ran to get Noah.

_"What is wrong with me?_" she thought._ "I yelled at Noah, he didn't deserve it at all. It's just my hair, my hair, why can't I just die already?"_ She started shivering and laid down on the bed in a fetal position. She heard Noah's cries beginning to die down but hers wouldn't stop. They were silent now but the tears wouldn't stop running down her face. Meredith finally returned and sat on the bed and rubbed Lyss's back gently. Lyss finally sat up although some tears still ran down her cheek, at least she was calming down.

"Is Noah okay Mommy?" she asked looking at her mother with regret.

"He will be, it's just, it's hard on all of us," Mere told her gently.

"I shouldn't have yelled, it's just my hair," Lyss said quietly. She ran her fingers through her hair even more then the last time falling out.

"I know Lyss, he will forgive you."

"But can I forgive myself?"

"You should, it's not your fault your hair is falling out."

"I know Mommy." Mere hugged Lyss and Lyss snuggled in her grasp. "Mommy, can you stay like this for a while."

"Of course sweetheart." Mere rubbed Lyss's back.

"I love you Mommy, always remember that."

"I will sweetie, I love you too." Mere started to rock her back and forth gently. Lyss let out a sigh and closed her eyes. She ended up laying down on her mother's lap and Mere tentatively began to stroke her hair. The rhythmic motion was the last thing Lyss remembered before going to sleep. Mere set her down on her pillow and kissed her cheek lightly before stroking it. She left the room silently and closed the door. Periodically she checked in on her until it was Derek's turn.

When he first came in he was shocked by the bald spots that were now scattered on her head.

"My poor baby," he whispered. Derek kissed her on the cheek but she didn't stir. The next day Lyss woke up but decided she would wait for her mom to help her downstairs. She looked on her pillow and she let out a gasp. it was covered in her hair. She but her hand to her head and gasped, she could feel her head. Her hand moved around her head slowly and Lyss felt the patches of hair, not long, not too short, but not enough to cover her head. She laid down across her bed and watched the door.

When her mother finally entered she was carrying a bag. When she saw Lyss's face and the almost bald head she ran to her side.

"Lyss sweetie, I am so sorry."

"It's okay Mommy," Lyss whispered. "But it's just gonna keep falling out.... I.... I don't think I can take that." She pulled out a few wisps of hair.

"Yes you can baby," Meredith reassured. Lyss only shut her eyes. "Why don't we shave the rest off?"

"What?" Lyss whispered, opening her eyes in shock.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but it will keep falling out until there is nothing left," Meredith sighed.

"Then let's do it," Lyss nodded and allowed Meredith to help her up. Meredith led her gently to the bathroom where Lyss gasped. She stared at the girl in the mirror. Her hair was only a few inches long and sticking out between patches of bald. She looked like a freak and not like Alyssa Shepherd at all. Meredith grabbed Derek's razor and plugged it in.

"Are you sure baby?" Meredith questioned.

"It's what's gonna happen anyway," Lyss shrugged and looked into the mirror. Mere nodded and began shaving the rest of Lyss's hair off. Lyss was looking intently at the mirror when this happened. Once she was done, Lyss looked down and saw her hair that was piled around her feet.

"Lyss..." Mere asked warily. "Lyss baby..." All of a sudden, Lyss reached out for her mother and let out a desperate sob.

"Mommy," she sobbed. Meredith took her in her arms, reached her hand up to stroke her hair, but then she realized she had no hair left.

"Shhh baby girl," Meredith soothed. "It's gonna be okay."

"Mommy... my.... my hair," Lyss whimpered.

"I know," Mere whispered in her ear. She led her back to her room where she sat in bed holding her until her sobs died down.

"I'm okay now Mommy," Lyss finally whispered.

"You sure?" Mere questioned, knowing that Lyss was just like her. She could say she was fine when she really wasn't.

"Yeah," Lyss sighed. "It's just hair... it just.... makes the cancer real." Mere stroked her face gently and remembered the bag she had originally carried in.

"Hey guess what Lyss," Mere said grabbing the bag. "Your Aunt Izzie, Aunt Lexie, Aunt Christina, Aunt Bailey, and I went out shopping and got these." She emptied the bag to reveal a multitude of scarves in many colors. Lyss laughed as she picked a bright pink scarf, her face brightened.

"Aunt Izzie?" she asked laughing.

"Uh... yeah, she insisted." She went to the yellow and orange one next.

"Aunt Lexie?" she asked knowing yellow's her aunt's favorite color.

"Yepp, are you gonna keep guessing?"

"Yepp. It will keep me entertained ... for now." She picked up the green and blue tie dye. "Aunt Christina?"

"Nailed it." the next was another pink one with her name stitched into it in purple.

"Aunt Izzie."

"Wow, didn't think you'd get that." She winked at Lyss.

"The stitching gave it away. And the pink." She acted like she was gagging.

"Ahhh got ya." She laughed as Lyss picked up the purple and blue tie dye.

"You?" Mere nodded. "Then obviously the red one is Aunt Bailey's."

"You know your Aunt's well Lyss. Okay now don't laugh, this one is from someone else." She held up a ferryboat scarf that resembled her father's scrub cap.

"Daddy?" Lyss laughed.

"Your father, Uncle Mark, Uncle Alex, Uncle George, and Uncle Owen picked it out."

"WOW!" Lyss laughed weakly.

"You don't have to wear it."

"I will, one day, in the near or distant future." At that Meredith picked up the pick one with her name on it and wrapped it around her head.

"Thanks Mom."

"Your welcome sweetheart."

"Mom, what's today's date and day."

"It's Monday the 22th."

"Of what?"

"October."

"Okay."

"Why did you ask?"

"I can't keep track. I'm pathetic."

"You are not pathetic sweetie. You're just sick, with a terrible disease which I wish never happened, but it did, and you are fighting it. That makes you anything but pathetic," Mere said gathering her in a hug, Lyss started crying softly into her mother's shoulder.

"Mommy, I just want it to be over," she whispered.

"I know sweetie, me too."

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As her daughter fell asleep in her arms Mere put her on the bed and made her way out the door. She checked on Noah, walked past Kelsey and Jake who had questioning eyes. Sophia decided to take everyone to the mall to give her mother a break. Exhausted Mere flopped on the couch and started crying. She wiped the last of Lyss's hair off her chest.

Mere closed her eyes and tried to relax. But how could she relax. Upstairs her daughter's world was falling apart, and as hers fell apart, Mere's did too. She couldn't just sit there as her daughter slowly died, slowly slipped away from her. Mere couldn't imagine life without one of her children. She started to hyperventilate, she started to have a panic attack. She needed her daughter to be okay. The tears started running down her face even faster then before.

She couldn't handle this, Lyss losing her hair, it just made the chemo, the cancer real. It was actually happening. Mere couldn't be here alone, her daughter upstairs, so upset it made Mere's heart hurt. Shakily she grasped the phone in her hand and dialed Derek's cell, hopefully he didn't have a surgery. His phone continued ringing until she heard an echoed voice answer obvious he was on speaker.

"Mere, baby what is it, I am in the middle of clipping a......"

"Derek, it's Lyss, her hair," *gasp* "and I'm alone," she began stuttering and gasping losing her air quickly.

"Mere, honey breathe, deep breaths, talk to me, explain more slowly."

"Lyss," Mere cried shakily. "Her hair started falling out today, I stayed strong for her, but I can't take it anymore, I need, I need someone, I am all alone, I can't handle it."

"Mere where are the kids?"

"Sophia took them out so I can be alone but that's the last thing I want right now."

"Mere, I am sorry but there is no other neuro surgeon on call, it's gonna take at least two hours to finish up here."

"Okay," Mere whimpered quietly, still crying and shaking.

"Now I want you to breath, slow deep breaths," Derek commanded. He listened as his wife obeyed. "Okay, now call Sophia, get them home, how long ago did they leave?"

"One hour ago."

"Good, she'll be begging to leave soon, then you won't be alone."

"Okay Derek."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Derek, see you soon, go save people's lives."

"Bye Mere."

"Bye Der." She called the kids and they were already on their way home, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige had had enough. While waiting for them to come home Izzie, Bailey, Lexie, and Christina came bursting through the door followed soon by her kids.

"Get up," Christina urged. Mere looked up but then looked away.

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey Shepherd get up now, we are taking you out," Bailey demanded.

"Shhh," Mere said and pointed upwards. "Where are we going?"

"Shepherd told us to distract you until he could get home, the last thing you need is stress."

"Sophia already agreed to stay and babysit, it's a good thing I am a cool Aunt who knows her cell number," Izzie said smiling. Mere shook her head.

"I can't what happens if she wakes up and I'm not here. I can't have that."

"Mere, she had chemo yesterday, she's probably wiped out," Lexie disagreed.

"But she gets up to throw up a lot on the second day."

"Did she eat anything today?" Bailey asked hesitantly.

"No."

"Then she should be fine," Christina protested.

"Mere get up, it will be good for you," Izzie urged.

"We aren't afraid to grab you and drag you out the door," Miranda threatened. Mere sighed.

"Fine, but I have to check on her one last time."

"Of course, we'll come too," Lexie answered for everyone. Mere opened her mouth to protest but decided that it could do no harm. She made her way to Lyss's room kissing Noah on the forehead as she went passed his room since he still hasn't recovered from Lyss yelling at him. She opened the door tentatively and looked in. She walked over to the bed and bent down beside her daughter.

Everyone else waited at the door in silence and in shock. They saw people go through this everyday, but when it was their family, so weak, pale, thin, and not to mention the growing bald spots. Mere kissed her lightly on the cheek and pushed back some hair with ultimately fell off. She stoked her cheek whispering inaudible words and walked away wiping away her tears. They went out to the mall, they tried to get her shopping but she wasn't in the mood.

When they passed a wrack of maybe 50 or more scarves Mere stopped, everyone saw what she was looking at and began sorting through them, each picking out one, Izzie picking out two because on one she wanted two stitch Lyss's name on it. When they looked at the clock, they decided to pay for them and leave, they dropped Mere back at home and Mere sent her kids out to do various things to distract them from what was happening upstairs. She checked on her one more time, Lyss was still asleep.

Mere waited on the couch for Derek and when he finally arrived he had a bag in his hand just as Mere had one next to her.

"Mere, I'm home," Derek said kissing her on the cheek.

"Derek," Mere sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. She started crying again.

"Shhh Mere it's alright."

"How can you say it's alright our daughter has cancer, fucking AML, fucking CANCER. Do I have to spell it out for you C-A-N-C-E-R!" Mere snapped.

"Don't you think I fucking know that!" Mere sighed and started crying turning away from him.

"I'm... I'm sorry, it's just."

"Shhh. I know."

"Her hair, it connected her with me, she's the only one who had my hair, her eyes, my eyes seem lifeless, smile, gone, I can't stand it Derek. Watching her go through this, is hell, on her and me. It's so hard. She's my daughter, my baby girl, I wanna help."

"I know how you feel, I would give anything to kiss her and make it all better like we did when she was little. I wish our love for her would take the pain away. I wish it could be me with the cancer, not her."

"No Derek, no cancer for anyone that's what I wish, I couldn't stand losing any of you. Your my family, my life, my love, without you guys, my life falls apart, I would be nothing."

"Shhh, calm down Mere."

"I can't calm down Derek, not when she is up there slipping away from us. I can't stand to lose her. I always had this bond with her. Ever since she was born."

_"Come on baby, please stop crying," Derek pleaded bouncing his crying daughter up and down. Mere came walking in._

_"Derek give me my baby," Meredith said._

_"It's my turn Mere go back to sleep, you need it."_

_"Like I can go to sleep with Lyss waling like that, give me my baby."_

_"Okay, I'll go get her a bottle, maybe she's hungry."_

_"You go do that Derek." He hands Lyss to Mere. She begins to bounce her up and down, holding her close to her chest.  
_

_"Hey baby girl, Mommy's got you, you're okay." Her cries continued. Mere sat down in her the rocking chair that was beside her crib._

_"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mommy's gonna buy you a mocking bird," Mere began singing quietly to the little girl in her arms. Lyss green eyes looked up to Mere's, her cries dying down slightly._

_"And if that mocking bird don't sing, Mommy's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring don't shine....." her voice trailed off as she noticed the baby drifting to sleep in her arms. She was resting on her chest as Mere began to drift asleep too. Derek walked in and smiled, turned off the light and shut the door._

"You re an amazing mother Mere," Derek said kissing her forehead.

"I don't feel like it, I can't help her, I feel so helpless."

"Me too, but our family is strong, we will get through this."

"What if.... what if she....."

"Let's not talk about it now Mere." Meredith rested on his chest until she noticed the bag.

"What's that?"

"I heard you girls went out shopping for scarves for Lyss, so the guys went out and got one."

"Oh god..."

"Here look, we all picked it out." He held up a scarf resembling his ferry boat scrub cap.

"Derek," Mere laughed. "She is never gonna where that!"

"You never know, it could give her a good laugh, you two are a lot a like cause you certainly got a chuckle out of it."

"And how are we alike."

"Well you both snore, your stubborn, you look alike, you twirl your hair when your nervous, your smile, and your laugh, they're identical."

"You are so corny."

"But you love me."

"Believe that while you can McDreamy."

"McDreamy," Derek said sounding shocked and offended. "McDreamy!" He turned to face her, looked at her for a second, and started tickling Mere.

"Derek..... Derek....." Mere squealed. "STOP!"

"I won't stop until you admit you love me."

"No," she protested squirming and laughing.

"Say it," he said tickling her more.

"Never," she said trying to resist.

"Say it!"

"Fine I love you McDreamy!"

"Say I love you Derek Shepherd the absolute best husband in the world, he towers above all in greatness."

"And build up your already too big for your own good ego, NO WAY!"

"Then I hope you like being tickled."

"No," she told him. "Fine I love you Derek Shepherd, you're the best father and husband in the world. I am so lucky to have you."

"Oh, I like that better."

"Whatever."

"I love you miss dark and twisty," he whispered in her ear.

"Shut up!" she said smacking him playfully.

"I really do love you."

"Me too, I love you so much, too much for my own good. Your my knight and shining whatever."

"And don't you forget it."

"I won't," Mere giggled settling comfortably in Derek's arms. "Your an amazing husband, and father, at least that much was true, I love you so much."

"Your the best mother, and wife I know, I love you so much."

"I'm not my mother."

"Far from it Mere, far from it."

"Really."

"I've never doubted it for a second."

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Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	39. Chapter 39: Moments

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ha!

This chapter is kind of just the next month of Lyss's life, shows her view, Derek's view, and Sophia's view. It also has Lyss going back to school for one day, well you will see how "well" that works out. HA! i's gonna be like really long.

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The next two weeks went by slow, or fast, Lyss couldn't tell. All she knew is that some days she would fall asleep and wake up the next day. Others she couldn't fall asleep or would be throwing up to much to get any rest. Her parents continued to switch shifts. Mere would be home in the morning, Derek in the afternoon, both at night normally one of them on call. It's not like Lyss even knew they were there half the time. She never knew that they would sit on her bed or next to her on the couch and just watch her sleep.

What was worse was that two weeks into it the chemo showed no effect yet. Still because of her age she had yet to determine that it was chemo-resistant or not. But just for a precaution much to Lyss's despair she had chemo every two days instead of every three. That meant more exhaustion, more throwing up, more pain, and less time to spend with her family as she felt her days were being numbered.

Sometimes Lyss wishes she could just stop. Stop and leave. But she couldn't do it to her parents, no matter how hard she wanted to, she couldn't hurt them any more then she already had. Lyss also couldn't do that to Noah, she had promised. A promise is a promise. But sometimes, she imagined what the life in the Shepherd household would be like without her. She shuddered thinking about it.

Lyss had begun to miss her siblings. When they first found out about the cancer, they were there supporting her, but now it was like they were avoiding her. As if pretending she was not there was easier then facing the truth. That she was dying. Slowly, painfully, dying and no one could do anything about it.

Even on the days when she attempted to hang out with them, talk, or even eat meals with them. The discussion was either about anything but cancer or not with her or about her at all. She felt sad. As the chemo increased it just had her more and more exhausted. More and more scared. It gave her less good days, although you could barely tell the difference. Now that her chemo has escalated to every two days or three times a week her schedule had changed.

As her schedule changes she works harder tires herself out, so she can spend a little more time with her family. On the first day, chemo for three hours, go home, try to stay awake as long as possible, throw up if she made it that far, go to sleep. Second day, sleep till noon, get up, throw up, go downstairs, try to eat lunch, throw up, rest on couch, fall asleep, sit at the table for dinner but doesn't eat, throw up, fall asleep on the couch, Derek or Meredith carry her upstairs to her bed. Last day before chemo, get up, throw up, eat breakfast, throw up, go to the couch, talk with her mom or siblings, depending on if it's a weekend, eat lunch, throw up, talk some more or watch a movie, eat dinner with family, throw up, go upstairs fall asleep. Then the cycle repeats itself.

Lyss is like a walking zombie, only sometimes wearing one of her scarves. If anyone who isn't of her family is over she will wear it but most of the time she doesn't bother. Mere sometimes wondered if she really cared. Lyss did care but she was so tired, she just wanted to become normal again and was gonna do everything possible including fighting the cancer to make that happen.

She knew what she wanted and she was gonna do anything for it. Even if it was for one day. She decided to act, she had just had chemo yesterday, tomorrow was Monday and at that moment she was feeling pretty good. She brought it up at the dinner table.

"Mom, Daddy," she started looking up from her empty plate.

"Yes sweetie," Mere said.

"I was wondering, you know, today I am feeling pretty good, so if it's okay, i don't know, maybe, if I'm allowed....."

"Lyss you're not making any sense," Derek told her.

"I wanna go to school tomorrow!" she blurted out. Everyone sat in silence.

"Lyss, honey, I know you want to, but I don't know if you are strong enough," Derek told her gently.

"I am strong enough!" Lyss protested, banging her fist on the table. "You know I am."

"But I don't want you to tire yourself out, that could..." Derek said.

"But Daddy, I don't want to be the girl with cancer any more, it's almost been a month, I just wanna be normal, act normal for a day. See all the friends and teachers it felt like I left behind."

"Sweetie, you have had a visitor almost everyday," Mere said.

"I know, that's the point, I can't remember. It's just today, I feel good, the best since I started the chemo, I know it's a lot to ask, and I know you are worried but please. I really want to try."

"Meredith, what do you think?" Derek asked. He looked around to his other children. They all looked shocked but happy their sister was feeling better. Actually, Paige and Hayley looked ecstatic. Lyss looked over and guessed they were happy to have their closest sister back in their school possibly.

"I don't know, Lyss are you sure you're ready?" Mere said sounding worried.

"Mom, I've never wanted to do anything more in my life. If it doesn't work out and I can't make it through the day fine, I will go to the nurse and someone can come and get me, but I just wanna see if I can," she pleaded weakly, obviously tired. "Please."

"You know what," Mere said and Lyss looked hopeful. "I guess it's fine for one day, you should get to see your friends."

"Yes, thank you!" Lyss said jumping up. For a second she forgot she was sick because of all her excitement, she faltered a little but hugged her mom and dad tightly. Lyss went to bed immediately after that and Mere called the school. They were happy she was coming back, even though it was only for one day. The next morning Mere woke Lyss up, helped her get dressed, made her eat a little something, and drove her into school early. It was then when she realized that Hayley and Paige had been giving her work to do from her teachers and Lyss had completed it all.

Mere helped her out of the car and into the office. Lyss had a purple blouse on with capris and her purple and blue tie-dye scarf wrapped securely around her bald head. They principal explained that she had a lot of worked missed but of course didn't realize the pile of papers was that work. After that was done she told her if she kept up with the school work and could at least attend school for about a months time throughout the year she could graduate to 8th grade but need to go to summer school. By the time that was done everyone was already on to homeroom. Mere helped Lyss get stuff out of her locker and into her homeroom. Before that, Mere talked to her.

"Lyss, if you don't feel good, don't stay, me your father, Sophia, or one of your Aunt's or Uncle's will pick you up okay."

"I know."

"Love you sweetie."

"Me too." Lyss turned and opened the door. Everyone had turned to look as a sea of shocked and happy faces emerged. Lyss quickly picked out where she used to sit which was by her friends who were luckily in her homeroom. Lyss's teacher Miss Klicka was the first to greet her and hug her tightly.

"Alyssa!" she exclaimed. "It's so good to see you again." Lyss was too overwhelmed to speak as her friends followed pursuit.

"Oh my god!"

"You're here!"

"We missed you so much!" They hugged her so tightly that she had to tell them.

"Okay, too hard, don't hurt girl with cancer."

"Sorry Lyss, but why didn't you tell us," Hannah told her easing off hugging her a little.

"It was kind of spontaneous, like I was feeling pretty good. Chemo wipes you out and all, well I am sure you guys know, at least Ali should, she is one of the people I remember being at my house everyday."

"We don't care we are glad you are back!" Becca exclaimed.

"It's only for today guys," she told them sitting down while she was being hounded by others.

"Why?" Britt, Nikki, and Ali chorused.

"Because I have chemo tomorrow."

"But didn't you have it two days ago."

"Yes, but I really don't wanna talk about cancer right now, I am here for other reasons. I wanted to be normal, you know except for the bald head," she joked motioning to her scarf.

"Of course."

"So hows the team doing, both travel and school."

"We need you Lyss, you made the travel team, I guess the school teams doing alright. It would probably be better then 3rd place if you were still on it."

"I miss it so much, and you know I haven't even talked to Melissa since my recital, have you seen her?"

"Yeah, she has been hanging with us, she's pretty cool, she comes to see you too."

"What do you guys come on the day I get chemo."

"Most of the time, yeah," Hannah said.

"At least that's what we assume," Ava shrugged.

"You just kind of sleep, go in a out of it, talk to us but most of the time I don't think you know what you are saying," Britt teased.

"That sounds about right... Ali, why don't you ask you're Mom when I have it, she is on my team of doctors. You know so I can actually have enough strength to talk to you guys next time."

"Sure, I'll do that," Ali said. The girls started giggling until Lyss got out of breath and leaned on the desk. She paused for a second and then spoke up all panicky.

"Guys, I have a problem, I forget where my classes are," Lyss said tears running down her face.

"You in all mine Lyss," Becca said. "It will be fine."

"Okay," she said weakly. They looked at her concerned, Miss Klicka the most. After announcement Ali carried her things and Becca helped her down the hall. When she walked into the class, again she was hounded with hugs and questions. Lyss gave her pile of make-up papers to her teacher and quietly sat there. That was until the bagel she ate for breakfast began coming back up. Luckily the bathroom was down the hall.

"Crap," Lyss hissed as her hand flew to her mouth.

Lyss stood up scaring everyone but when her teacher saw her face, she allowed her to run into the hall, and throw up in the bathroom. Lyss came back weaker then before. This continued like this without the puking for 2 and 3 period, but by 4 period she felt nauseous again. Next was lunch, her mom had given her money so her friends sat her down at the table and took her money to buy something for her. That's when Hayley and Paige came over, they were in her lunch. A couple of their friends that Lyss knew were behind them.

"Hey Lyss," they said at the same time. If Lyss had enough energy, she would have smiled. The two almost always denied they were really twins because they said they had nothing in common.

"Hey Hayl, hey Paige," she responded, emotionless and out of breath.

"How you feeling?" Hayley asked feeling her head.

"Fine."

"You don't look too good Lyss," Paige told her. "You wanna go home?"

"No, I will make it," Lyss said somewhat forcefully. "But don't be surprised if Ali comes on our bus alone."

"Feel better, see you later."

"Bye." Lyss looked up and saw Bryan with some of the girls she used to hang out. they were all goth, as she used to be. They were giving her dirty looks but she ignored it and waited for her friends. She shouldn't have done that because as soon as she looked away and saw her friends almost to the front of the service line, Bryan and a girl named Chloe came up to the table.

"So bitch you decided to show your lazy ass face at school again," Bryan scoffed. Lyss didn't answer.

"Oh Bryan I think she's scared of us," Chloe teased.

"I'm not scared, I'm sick," Lyss said weakly. She looked around, there were a few people watching. Unfortunately she didn't have enough energy to get away without them following.

"I'm sick," Chloe mocked.

"I have fucking cancer leave me alone!"

"Cancer oh poor me," Chloe continued to mock.

"Wow, what the hell is on your chest," Bryan said leaning in until pushed away.

"Wow she's getting physical I am so scared," Chloe teased.

"Oh and look at the scarf, she's bald," Bryan laughed.

"Stop it!" Lyss cried. Her friends saw what was happening and started to run over with their trays. Hayley and Paige had also noticed and were running over. That caught the eye of others too.

"Oh look you made her cry," Chloe scoffed.

"This will teach her," he said and yanked the scarf of her head revealing her baldness. Lyss squealed in surprise.

"Hey everyone, look at the bald freak!" Chloe screamed and ran away with Bryan and the scarf only to be stopped by the principal who took the scarf from her. Lyss's face turned red and the tears ran down her face. Everyone gasped until they realized who it was. All of the 7th grade had a meeting about her and the 8th grade knew because of Hayley and Paige.

Her friends surrounded her as Lyss got up and stumbled out of the cafeteria to throw up in the bathroom. Hayley and Paige followed her and helped her back up and into the cafeteria. There she got her scarf and went to the office to wait for someone to pick her up. A half and hour later Derek ran into the office but Lyss was asleep on the chair.

After talking to some people in the office Derek picked Lyss up gently and took Paige and Hayley out too. They walked out to the car together and Paige and Hayley explained everything. They got home and Meredith was already there. Lyss had woken up and started crying softly. Mere took her gently and sat on the couch cuddling with her.

"Shhh, Lyss, I know, it's okay, Shhh," Mere soothed.

"I just wanna be better again," she cried into her mother's shoulder.

"Shhh, I know, you're safe now."

"I love you," Lyss whispered and continued to sob. Mere rocked her gently back and forth, rubbing her back, and murmured comforting words.

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Derek was so proud, she was trying hard, but the entire day he couldn't of anything but Lyss. Hayley and Paige promised to look after her, and he was sure Lyss's friends would look out for her, but Derek didn't know. He had a foreboding feeling that wouldn't let her out of his thoughts all day. A man flat-lined on the table right in front of him and he didn't realize until it was almost too late. Luckily he saved him but immediately when he was done he scrubbed Mere and found her in his office, although he liked to say they shared it. It even had her name on it.

She was sitting on the couch charting and he sat next to her and sighed.

"What?" she asked leaning over to kiss him.

"It's just I can't...." Derek started.

"Stop thinking about Lyss," Mere finished for him. "Me either."

"What if she doesn't go to the nurse and she gets even worse."

"Even though Lyss is sick, she has enough common sense to go to the nurse Derek."

"Meredith... it's Lyss. She's stubborn and...."

"And smart."

"I know, it's just I am scared."

"Me too." Derek leaned on Mere's shoulder.

"Derek, I'm sorry but I have surgery in 10 minutes, I have to get scrubbed in."

"It's okay, I will just sit here and wallow."

"Try to do something productive when I am gone." She kissed him lightly.

"I'll try," he said as Mere shook her head and closed the door to the office. He sat there thinking for a few minutes until his pager went off, he was being paged to the nurses station. Derek ran up to it quickly.

"Tyler, what is it?" he asked. He gave him the phone he was holding and Derek put it to his ear.

"Hello, this is Dr. Shepherd."

"Hello, this is Alyssa's school, we are gonna need you to pick her....." Derek didn't her the end he was already hanging up and sprinting down the hallway to get changed he called back.

"Tell my wife to meet me at home after she is done her surgery."

"Okay Doctor...." he was cut off as the elevator doors closed. He immediately went to the car and sped to her school arriving about 20 minutes later. He burst into the office and his eyes immediately went to Lyss. She was curled up in a seat, sleeping. Although she was in an uncomfortable position, she looked so peaceful, but also so weak and sick. Paige and Hayley were on either side of her.

"What happened?" he demanded immediately.

"Mr. Shepherd," one of the secretaries explained. "During lunch a boy named Bryan, if that name means anything to you, and a girl named Chloe caused a disruption with Alyssa, it involved her scarf being ripped off. She also wasn't feeling good and was gonna go to the nurse after lunch." At the mention of Bryan's name his fists clenched and he turned to where he was leaving the principal's office with a girl. Derek looks back at a sleeping Lyss and then walks up to Bryan.

"You son of a bitch, why can't you just leave her alone."

"Ooh Mr. Shepherd's getting all defensive," Chloe scoffs.

"It's not our fault your daughter's a cry baby," Bryan teases.

"Please, get him out of my sight before I do something I might regret."

"Will do," the principal says.

"Can Hayley and Paige come home too, I really don't think they want to go back to class," he says to the secretary who addressed him before.

"Of course, I hope Alyssa feels better," she says.

"Thank you," he says to her and then to his girls. "Come on." He bent down to scoop up Lyss in his arms and carried her out to the car. As he put her in the back he turned to Paige and Hayley.

"Okay, in detail, what happened."

"Okay well me and Paige went over to her table to see how she was doing," Hayley explained.

"She said she was fine so we sat at a table where we could see her, but it didn't help," Paige added

"We took our eyes off of her for one second and the next thing we know is Bryan and that girl Chloe were there."

"Then he whipped off her scarf and ran away with it. We ran up to her and helped her get to the bathroom and to the office."

"We were too far away to get there in time."

"You girls were good sisters," Derek told them. "I am proud, I just hope Bryan gets what he deserved."

"I think he got suspended for like a month dad," Hayley told him.

"Good, thank you for looking out for her, me and your mother were worried sick."

"Trust me dad, when we didn't see her we were worried too," Paige said.

"Okay, we're home you guys, go to your room and relax."

"Okay." Derek went to the back seat and picked up Lyss as she stirred.

"Hey baby girl," he said quietly.

"Daddy," she cried into his chest.

"Shhh, it's okay, Bryan got in loads of trouble." The statement didn't help much, it just made her cry harder remembering what had happened. Derek handed her to Mere who comforted her on the couch. He sat down at the kitchen table and looked at Lyss and Mere. His fist clenched but his anger turned into sadness. The tears began running down his face and as Sophia came in through the door he tried to quickly wipe them away.

She saw them, and instead of walking past Sophia went over to her dad wiping the tears and her own away that were forming. She sat in his lap like she was a little girl again and tried to comfort him as he watched Lyss sob.

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Hasn't she gone through enough. She already has cancer, what more could they do to her. What did she ever see in that Bryan guy? She loved her sister more than anything, she knew she didn't deserve it. Sophia was so scared that she would lose her. Lyss was the only one really down to earth. She loved Paige and Hayley but it's kind of like their twins, they already have someone.

As she sat on her father's lap and watched her mother cuddle a sobbing Lyss she felt a pain in her heart, it's not fair. It was then when she had a flashback to when Lyss was 5, and she was 8, the two of them used to go on adventures outside.

_"Come on Phia," Lyss urged as they were climbing the small hill that was built by snow in the backyard. It was the first time either of them saw snow in that quantity since it was rare in Seattle. "We're almost at the top."_

_"I'm coming Lyss, we will be the first ones ever to climb Mt. Shepherd!" Sophia said excitedly. The two of them reached the top around the same time._

_"We did it! We did it!" Lyss squealed jumping up and down._

_"We're the best mountain climbers in the world!" Sophia said hugging her. They started laughing till Lyss lost her footing and slid down the hill._

_"Phia," she screeched and grabbed her coat. Sophia came tumbling down after her. When they both finished they laid down in the snow laughing._

_"I don't want this day to end Phia," Lyss said looking up at the sky where tiny snowflakes still fell._

_"Me either it was so much fun!" Phia agreed._

_"I could just sit her forever!"_

_"Me too!"_

_"Hey Phia."_

_"Yes Lyss."_

_"Your the best sister ever!"_

_"No you're the best sister ever."_

_"Alyssa, Phia time to come in," Meredith called._

_"Come on Phia," Lyss said getting up. "I bet you can't beat me to the house."_

_"I bet you I can!"The two sisters started running toward the house Lyss arriving a second before Sophia._

_"Told you!" Lyss teased as they took of their coats and boots._

_"Whatever, bet I can beat you upstairs."_

_"Your on!"_

They used to have so much fun together, where did that time go. There was a time in Sophia's life that she never thought she would have to watch her sister go through cancer, cry almost everyday because she couldn't take it. When Lyss cried it made Sophia cry and it was almost to much to handle. Her mother and father were a wreck because it was too hard on them, Sophia thought she had to be strong for them and take care of the family.

As Lyss fell asleep Mere put her down. Sophia had no clue that her tears were still running.

"Hey Sophia, I didn't see you come in," Mere said before she noticed the tears when she did she continued, "Phia, it's okay, you're sister..."

"Has cancer," Phia finished for her.

"Phia," Derek as Sophia got up and sat in the chair next to him.

"Dad don't Phia me, it's the truth, my sister has cancer."

"I know it's hard sweetie, but we will get through this," Mere told her coming around to put her hand on her shoulder. Phia just sighed and started crying.

"That's just the thing mom," Phia cried. "It's too hard, it's too hard watching her go through this. She doesn't deserve it. She deserves a happy healthy life. I don't wanna lose her. I love her."

"Shhh, I know sweetie," Derek told her handing her a tissue.

"But that's the thing daddy," she said taking the tissue. "It's even harder for me. You and Mom are having such a hard time as to be expected it's hard to take care of us all. We understand that, that Lyss needs you, she needs us. But it makes me feel like I have to stay strong, like I can't show all the emotion that I feel. If I break down I feel like the entire family breaks down. You two are in no shape to help, and it's like.... like I have to run the family. I am not strong enough for it, not with everything that has happened."

"Phia," Derek said hugging his daughter as she cried. "It's okay, we don't expect you to do anything but be a teenager."

"Really?"

"Really sweetheart," Mere said brushing her curly brown hair out of her face.

"Just be you," Derek said.

"Thank you, I love you both."

"We love you too, now are you gonna be okay?" Mere asked.

"Yeah, and is it okay if I make dinner?"

"Are you sure?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, why don't you two go out for a walk or something I will keep an eye on Lyss." Mere hesitated for a second but realized she could trust her 16 year old with her now.

"Okay thanks Phia," Mere said kissing her daughter on the forehead. She checked Lyss one more time, they both got their coats and walked out. Sophia got making dinner, lasagna. As she put it into the oven she heard a groan come from the couch. Surprisingly Lyss chose this moment to wake up even after Noah, Jake, and Kels coming home. Everyone was in there rooms so Sophia went over to the couch.

"Hey Lyss," she said to her as Lyss's eyes struggled to open.

"Hey Phia.... guess you heard what happened today."

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"It was my own fault I let him get to me, I wasn't in the mood and didn't have the strength to help myself."

"Oh Lyss, I wish I was there, I would have kicked his ass." Lyss laughed weakly and sat up at the way.

"Hey remember that time in the park and that boy was kicking sand at me and you told him to buzz off."

"I did more then that Lyss, he was on the floor crying."

"I can't believe how tough you were even when you were so little."

"Yeah I was like 7."

"And I was 4."

"Remember we had to run away afraid we would get in trouble."

"Yeah we were crazy back then."

_Derek and Meredith were pushing Jake on the swing while watching a sleeping newborn Kelsey. Izzie and Alex were there with Dylan and Ali. Lyss was sitting in the sand box until some older boy about 8 came up to her and started kicking sand into her face. Lyss started crying. Unfortunately Kels started wailing so her cries were lost to Izzie, Alex, Mere, and Derek who were paying attention to her. Luckily Sophia heard it. Paige, Hayley, Ali, and Dylan watched from afar. _

_"What are you doing to my little sister?" she said defiantly crossing her arms. Although she was a 7 year and not very intimidating. _

_"She's playing in my sand box."_

_"What makes it yours." She then placed her hands on her hips.  
_

_"I was here first."_

_"You were not, my sister was playing peacefully till you came along," she said bending down next to Lyss and wiped the sand off her face._

_"Too bad," he said pushing Sophia. She got angry and pushed him back harder. She kicked him in the shin and he fell down whimpering. To finish it off Sophia also kicked sand in his face._

_"How do you like it?" she said and turned back to Lyss who was watching Sophia in amazement._

_"You okay Lyss?"_

_"Yeah I'm okay Phi," Lyss said sniffling._

_"Mommy," the boy cried out._

_"Lyss run," Sophia said as they sped off into the direction behind the slide. They climbed up the playground and sat there laughing as the boy was carried away by a woman._

_"Your the best Phia," Lyss said hugging her tightly. "I love you."_

_"I love you too Lyss."_

"You are the best Phia," Lyss said after they were down reminiscing.

"Lyss you know you're gonna beat this thing."

"I don't know, it's so hard."

"That doesn't sound like Lyss, to me, she never gives up."

"Well maybe I am not Lyss anymore Sophia I don't know if I can beat this."

"Of course you can Lyss."

"How do you know, it's just I am so tired."

"Lyss," Sophia said grabbing her hands and turning her to face her. "You need to fight. For me, for mom, for daddy, for Noah, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels. If you die, Lyss, just don't die, you can't die." Sophia started crying. Lyss hugged her tightly as Phia leaned into her chest.

"Well this is a little different," she laughed.

"Lyss," Sophia said nudging her and wiped away her tears.

"Don't worry, I will fight, I am not leaving you guys without a fight."

"Your still Lyss."

"I'm still Lyss." She hugged Sophia tightly again. "But what if I still fight and it doesn't....... and I.... I die."

"Let's not talk about that now."

"Okay."

"You wanna help me with dinner?"

"I'll try. But.... you all inherited Daddy's cooking and I.... Mommy makes mac and cheese."

"You're just a little....."

"But you love me."

"Yes of course I love you silly."

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Next chapter is the one month of chemo party. Yeah can you imagine how that goes. I will tell you, awkward silences, throwing up, missing scarves, throwing up, emotional breakdown, throwing up, yeah well you will get it. Oh yeah and Lyss doesn't know ha ha!

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	40. Chapter 40: Party Wigs

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Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ha!

So Lyss's one month of chemo party that she doesn't know about. Lyss doesn't have the time of her life is all I will say. It's mostly because of throwing up, weakness, and many other things. There is one thing that is really sweet. I hope you enjoy. This is kind of a lot of point of views in one art because it will switch back and forth. And then there is a little visitor who is very unwelcome and I promise he/ she never shows up again.

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A week after the fiasco with school was time for Lyss's one month of chemo party or as Izzie was calling it the MOC party. She had just had chemo the day before so she was still sleeping when Mere came into her room around 1:00. Everyone was coming over at 3:30 and when Mere said everyone, she meant everyone. Izzie, Alex, Ali, Dylan, Michael, Christina, Owen, Talia, George, Lexie, Morgan, with one year twins Tyler and Taylor, Miranda, Tucker, Tuck, Mark, with his son Nathaniel, Addison, Kevin, possibly Naomi and Sam, Callie, the chief, and Adele. Lyss's friends were also supposed to come including Becca, Hannah, Nikki, Brittany, Ava, and Melissa.

Mere bent down beside Lyss and gently shook her whispering in her ear.

"Baby girl, time to get up."

"Mommy, I had chemo yesterday I usually sleep till noon."

"Sweetheart, it's one."

"Well it doesn't feel like it." She put her head underneath the pillow.

"Come on sweetie, you have to get ready."

"For what?" she asked peeking out from under the pillow.

"For your party," Mere said hesitantly.

"My what?"

"Me, your father, Aunt Izzie, and a bunch of other's planned this party for your survival through your fist month of cancer."

"Mom, I can't..... I don't know if I am up for it."

"Sweetie, they don't expect much, most of them are doctors, they will understand. They just want to all be there for you, be your support system."

"Mom..."

"Did I mention Aunt Addie is going to be there." Meredith knew this would get Lyss. She was incredibly close with Addie and hated that she lived in L.A. She was always excited when she made an appearance in Seattle.

"Well..."

"You'll be fine Lyss."

"Mom, I will try, but I can't make any promises."

"Let's get you ready."

"No, let's get me some anti-nausea medicine and to the bathroom," she said clutching her mother's hand and running toward the toilet where she threw up. Since Mere had no hair to stroke or pull back, she rubbed circles Lyss's back gently. When she was done Mere got the medicine from the cabinet, helped her up, brought her back to her room, and gave her water to swallow the pill with.

"Thank you," she said weakly.

"Do you wanna get a shower and then you can rest a little more or rest then shower."

"Rest then shower."

"Okay downstairs or up here."

"Downstairs please. Oh and can you get a scarf for me."

"Okay, the pink one fine?"

"Yes it matches what you obviously picked out for me to wear," she says attempting to smile while looking at the pink outfit that was hanging on the chair at her desk. Mere tied the scarf sloppily around her head and helped her daughter down the stairs. Derek noticed them coming and walked to them quickly.

"Hey baby, how you feeling."

"A little better, the anti-nausea medicine works, but I think I becoming immune to it."

"It's okay, it will be fine. Maybe at your check-up they can make it stronger." Meredith caught his eye. Lyss was weaker than she should be at this stage in the chemo which worried them deeply. They wanted to talk to her team and bump up her next appointment.

"I know," she sighed as Derek helped Mere guide her to the couch where she fell asleep soon after next to Kelsey, Noah, and Jake who were watching cartoons. When Mere woke her up around 2:30 Lyss didn't realize her scarf was missing. She helped her upstairs and into the shower where it took twenty minutes to maneuver herself to get clean even though she did not need the shampoo or conditioner.

When she got out it was around 3:15, Meredith was downstairs getting last minute things ready and had no clue her daughter had already gotten dressed and had laid down on her bed. She was so tired, she loved her family, she loved her friends, but she wanted so desperately for them not to see her like this. Tired, weak, everything she never thought she would become. When she heard the doorbell ring, Lyss knew it was 3:30 and probably Aunt Izzie, but she also knew she was not coming downstairs any time soon.

Lyss closed her eyes tightly but sleep wouldn't come. She could at least pretend as she heard her mother come up the stairs.

"Lyss what on earth are you doing, everyone is almost here?" Mere asked surprised and rushed to her side.

"Resting."

"Lyss..."

"I'm not ready to come downstairs yet, I will call to you when I am okay, we aren't eating dinner for a while though right."

"Yes, okay fine, not too long, rest sweetie," Mere said bending down to kiss her forehead. She stroked her cheek once and turned to leave the room. When she walked downstairs everyone turned to her to see if Lyss was with her. Sadly she shook her head.

"Where is she Mere?" Derek asked.

"She's not ready Derek," Mere said sounding sad.

"Well she better get her butt down here soon, she's the guest of honor," Mark said out of the blue. A few chuckles s[read throughout the room at the comment but it died down to an awkward silence. Especially as they heard frantic feet jump up from upstairs and run across the room. The sound of retching followed. Mere was about ready to walk upstairs when she heard her flush the toilet and get up on her own to walk back to her room.

"She will come down when she is ready Mere," Izzie told her putting her hand on Mere's shoulder. Mere looked at her sadly and retreated to the kitchen. Derek followed her.

"How bad can she really be?" Cristina asked.

"I don't know," Izzie shook her head.

"What do you mean you don't know," George asked. "Your the peds surgeon on her case. So is Bailey."

"We don't get to see much of her," Callie explained.

"We see her to the chemo and help her into the wheelchair after, but she usually just closes her eyes and listens to her ipod during the session," Miranda explained. Everyone nodded and turned back to the couch and other places.

By four thirty Lyss was ready to come down, she knew they were eating soon by the smell of food coming from the kitchen. Lyss walked to the mirror and looked at herself. She ran her hand across her bald head and realized that she left the scarf downstairs when she took a nap. Lyss then began to look around her room and all of the other rooms of the upstairs but nothing turned up. ******She needed to find her scarf. They were all scattered amongst the house everywhere but her room and upstairs. There was no way she was going downstairs bald.**

"Mommy," she called from the hallway but no one heard her. Holding the wall she made her way over to the stairs. Everyone was sitting and talking various thing when the next weak call came from the top of the stairs.

"Mommy," they heard Lyss call down weakly. Meredith's eyes widened and appeared from the kitchen. Without glancing at her family she answered.

"Coming Lyss," Mere said running up the stairs. She found her daughter leaning against the wall tiredly. Meredith let her lean of her and rubbed her back.

"There are no scarves up here," Lyss told her, looking into her eyes.

"Well do you want to go downstairs....."

"No! I am not walking down there bald Mommy." She started to cry softly. "I don't want them to see me like this, it's hard enough you have to, but it's different they see me for a few seconds during my check-ups or chemo, but this is time, actual time with them, and I can't stand it. I don't wanna be the girl with cancer anymore." Her cries echoed down the the living room where everyone is silent.

"Shhh, baby girl, I know, it will be over soon."

"Why did it have to be me? I am so tired Mommy, it's not fair, I want to see everyone I do, it's just... It don't know I want to see them as a normal person. Not some girl with cancer who is bald and full of chemicals that are probably slowly killing me if the cancer doesn't do the job faster. I don't want everyone to remember me as that person." There is not a dry eye in the room downstairs, Derek is the most shaken up. No one really thought of the possibility of the cancer actually killing Lyss.

"Shhh." Mere bit her lip to stop them from quivering.

"Mommy," she said more quieter. "Can you try to find a scarf for me, the only one left is Daddy's ferry boat one and I am so not wearing that."

"Yes, sweetie, I will be right back." She turned away from Lyss and walked down the stairs where her tears are now falling.

"Has anyone seen one of her scarves, she refuses to come down without one," she says exhausted.

"We'll help you look Mere, you just sit down," Lexie says as they search the living room. Addie come over to Mere and sits down next to her and hugs her tightly as they watch Derek solemnly walk back to the kitchen to finish dinner.

After 5 minutes of looking Mere hears Melissa ask, "Mrs. Shepherd is this one?" She is holding up the pink one that Lyss lost earlier.

"Yes, thanks Melissa, I'll go give it to her," Mere says getting up and grabbing the scarf in her hand. Slowly she turns and walks up the stairs where she finds Lyss laying across the bed still in tears.

"Here, baby, I have the scarf you were wearing earlier."

"Thanks Mommy," Lyss says wiping her tears and sitting up where her Mom wraps the scarf neatly around her bald head.

"There all better," Mere says planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm ready."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure Mommy." Downstairs everyone resumed their conversations quietly as Derek had them gather to the table as he put the food out. Lyss made her way slowly toward the stairs with Meredith right beside her with her arm around Lyss's waist giving her support. When everyone heard her they went silent and turned toward the stairs. They saw Mere and Lyss walking slowly down, Mere turned to look at them, but Lyss was too busy grasping the railing and concentrating on not falling.

Derek rushed to Lyss's other side when they were down the stairs and together they helped her to her seat where she collapsed exhausted. Meredith sat down next to her and Derek resumed serving everyone.

Slowly Lyss looked up and smiled weakly at everyone who had unsure smiles plastered on their faces. She knew what they were thinking. How could this weak, pale, girl be the once vibrant Lyss? She tried to sit up in the chair but it was to much work. There was an awkward silence as Lyss looked back down and no one knew what to say. It was Mark who broke the silence as Derek sat down.

"I propose a toast, to Alyssa," he said raising his glass. "For one month of kicking that cancer's butt." Everyone else raised their glasses too. Everyone turned to look at Lyss who had yet to look up again. When everyone was silent Lyss looked up again and realized they were waiting for her to raise her glass.

Slowly her fragile hand reached towards her glass of water and grasped it tightly. Gently she lifted it barely an inch off the table. This seemed to satisfy everyone.

"To Alyssa!" they cheered. Lyss smiled again but was too tired to do anything else. Everyone began digging in except Lyss who was studying her hands that fell to her lap. A few minutes later Derek noticed.

"Lyss sweetie, you haven't touched your food it's good, and it's your favorite." Derek said referring to the chicken marsala.

"Daddy," Lyss whimpered, her lips quivering slightly. "I am not hungry. Anyway, I won't be able to hold it in long."

"Just try it," he persisted. Her appearance frightened him, she was getting so thin and weak and it would get worse if she didn't make an effort to eat. He reached towards her plate and cut up the kitchen into very small pieces. Lyss sighed.

"I'll try," she gave in weakly. She leaned forward and slowly picked up the fork. Lyss proceeded to awkwardly stab a piece of it. It was slowly guided to her mouth where she nibbled on it until putting it down. She sat there for a few more minutes in silence, no one around her sure of what to say.

"So Addie, the wedding is...." Mere began breaking the silence.

"You'll be getting the invitations soon," she said with a smile. This got even Lyss to smile slightly.

"It's about time too," Izzie added.

"Yeah," Cristina told Addie. "You've been engaged for what... 2 years."

"She's taking her time," Lyss's quiet retort came. Everyone turned towards her as if she would say anything else but her gaze was dropped back down to her lap. It was silent again until Derek looked at Sam.

"So Sam, how's the practice going?" he asked.

"Okay, I guess, we are a little tight on money at the moment but Addie pulled us out from it last time she will again," Sam told him.

"Well that's good."

"The people upstairs still giving you a hard time?" Mark teased. Naomi rolled her eyes.

"Charlotte and Coop are back together... yet again so she's a bit of an alli.... for now..."

"Of course," Alex smirked. It fell into an awkward silence yet again. Sophia stared at Lyss who had a greenish look to her. Her hand slowly made it's way to her mouth indicating she was feeling sick. That's when she stood up abruptly.

"Excuse me," she mumbled and ran toward the bathroom. She stumbled on her first step making everyone jerk to help her. Lyss somewhat steadied herself and continued to run. Meredith was up immediately and on her heels. Mere found Lyss over the toilet and she rubbed her back as she had always done. Lyss sat there for a minute afterward before she collapsed next to the toilet and looked up at her mother with pleading eyes.

"Come on sweetie," she said helping her up and steadying her. Back at the table they immediately resumed conversation so they did not have to hear the retching.

"So girls," Christina asked. "How was field hockey this year?"

"Not the same," Ava said sadly.

"Our travel team only got 4th when we usually always get 2nd, Lyss made up the team," Hannah added.

"We miss her," Becca says.

"We all do," Lexie tells her. She would have said more if Taylor didn't start crying making her get up to soothe her baby. Since the conversation was back on Lyss Derek spoke up.

"So Melissa," Derek says changing subjects. "How is dance?"

"Good, all our routines are excellent this year, but of course now we have an odd number in our company," she said enthusiastically.

"Really, what songs are you dancing to," Izzie asked.

"Normal things, songs none of us know." Everyone laughs. "There is a solo in our hip-hop, it would have been Lyss's but now it's mine. She is a lot better then me."

"Not right now, now you're the best," Alyssa says as Mere helps her back to the table. "And I am sorry about that."

"What are you sorry for sweetie," Izzie says.

"We understand," Bailey adds. Lyss smiles a little stronger then she has been. It disappears as she has to run back to the bathroom 5 minutes later. When she comes back everyone is silent again. Again it is Mark who speaks out a breaks it.

"Okay now, we have a little present for you Lyss," he said getting up from the table revealing a poorly wrapped box.

"Who wrapped that," Bailey scoffs. "You're son?"

"Hey," Nate squeaks. Everyone giggles, even Lyss.

"Never mind that," he says handing the box to Lyss. "Everyone here chipped in so we can buy this for you." Mere helped guide Lyss's hand to open it revealing a wig. It was beautiful. Just like her hair used to be. Lyss's lips part in an almost silent gasp.

"Guys," Mere exclaimed. "This is amazing." Lyss is atill too shocked to speak, but the smile she has on says every word needed as her face brightened. Her fingers slowly stroked the hair until she looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Thank you, so much," she says to no one in particular.

"You're welcome Lyss," Mark answers for everyone.

"Where did you guys find one?" Derek asked. "We searched everywhere."

"Apparently not everywhere," Christina muttered until Izzie flashed her a look and continued.

"It was just out of Seattle at a small family owned business."

"You don't know how much this means to us guys," Mere says wiping away her own tears and Lyss's who is still staring at the wig.

"Here," Derek said grabbing the wig out of her hands. Mere took off her scarf and folded it neatly revealing her bald head. Lyss didn't really care as Derek placed the wig on her head. Everyone gasped. She looked like Lyss again.

"Lyss you look," Hayley gasped.

"Beautiful," Izzie finished.

"Definitely," George adds. Lyss got up and walked over to the mirror where her mouth dropped open. Tears formed again as she ran her fingers through her new hair. That's when the doorbell rang. Derek walked over followed by Mark and opened the door, his smile fades when he sees who is on the other side.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Derek growls his fist clenching. Mark holds him down while fighting the urge to lunge at the little creep.

"Derek," Mere asked. "Who is it?"

"What I can't visit my ex-girlfriend," Bryan scoffs and enters the house pushing past Derek. Lyss looks up shocked and flinches at the sound of his voice. Meredith stands protectively in front of her while Addie, Owen, Kevin, and Christina confront him as Mark is still holding back Derek.

"You do know that I am a cop and I have no problem giving anyone in this room to kick your ass if you so much as lay a hand on that girl," Kevin threatens. At the sound of the word ex-girlfriend, they all know exactly who it is. The boy who knocked their Lyss up and ruined her.

"Oh, I am so scared," Bryan mocks.

"Buddy, I was in the army," Owen says.

"Like I care, I just have something to say to her."

"As if we are going to let you get within 3 feet of Lyss," Izzie says steeping up to face him.

"Yeah you're intimidating," Bryan says pushing Izzie out of the way.

"You did not just push my wife out of the way," Alex growls.

"Why I ought to...." Derek screams still fighting Mark. Bryan rolled his eyes and stood in front of Lyss.

"Okay so here it goes, I'm sorry."

"Thanks," Lyss says quietly.

"Okay, good so you will tell our principal that you forgive me and I can go back," he smirked. Lyss's eyes went wide.

"I said thanks, but you aren't forgiven. I never will. You practically raped me, called me a bitch and a whore, oh and let's not forget embarrassed me in front of the entire school. So you will never be forgiven you lazy son of a bitch." Bryan lunges forward and Lyss screams, Meredith shields her as Alex, Owen, and Kevin lunge forward and throw punches. It eventually leads to him being thrown out the door. Lyss was shaking in Mere's arms. Mark let's go of Derek who rushes to his daughter's side.

"Shhh, it's okay, he's gone." Lyss is still whimpering slightly as Derek takes over. Meredith stands up in shock of what just happened.

"It's okay baby girl," he murmured into her ear. A minute later Lyss is calm.

"I'm fine now daddy, but you don't know what he can do."

"It's true dad me and Paige witnessed it," Hayley said.

"What?" he demanded.

"We would rather not say," Paige said shuddering. Ali, Ava, Becca, Britt, Hannah, and Nikki nodded their head in agreement.

"Let's not talk about this," Derek said finally and everyone quickly agreed. They returned to their dinner except for Lyss who rested on the couch too exhausted. When everyone was finished they picked up on their previous conversations now including Lyss who nodded slightly the nausea and weakness taking toll. Meredith, Addison, Izzie, Lexie, Bailey, Adele, and Callie helped clean up.

"That poor child," Adele said shaking her head sadly.

"I know," Mere whispered wiping away her tears while putting the dishes in the dish washer.

"Mere she really doesn't look good," Addie commented.

"Yeah Meredith," Bailey said. "I think we should bump up the check-up a little earlier."

"I was going to bring her in tomorrow."

"Good, idea, it looks like she has lost a significant amount of bone mass since her last one two weeks ago," Callie told Mere.

"She looks so different, we barely get to see her. There is no way she is not anemic by now," Izzie said worrying about her young immune system.

"I think I will come," Addie told them. "Kev and I are in town for the weekend."

"Good, I will be glad to have a second opinion," Izzie said to her former mentor. Addison smiled as they finished up.

"Thanks guys," Mere said. "Wait Addison did you go to your hotel yet?"

"No, why?"

"You and Kevin are welcome to stay at our guest house."

"Thanks Mere, you sure."

"Yeah I'm sure, we need to get some use out of it." They returned to the living room to where Alyssa had fallen asleep on Christina's shoulder.

"She's exhausted Mere," she said.

"Are you okay like that Chris?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't have the heart to wake her."

"Okay then." Alyssa woke up 20 minutes later as Izzie explained she was going to the hospital tomorrow. She didn't protest, Lyss knew something was up. She fell asleep again on Sophia's shoulder who stayed there until everyone left. Derek was exhausted so Mere carried her to her room where she didn't stir. The night had not gone as she planned, but it was still perfect.

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They take her to the hospital for early blood test and imagine what they find. As if life didn't suck enough already for Lyss this is the beginning of everything shitty that happens to her and the family throughout the year.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	41. Chapter 41: I Want It To Be Over

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :)

So they take her to the hospital for early blood test and imagine what they find. As if life didn't suck enough already for Lyss this is the beginning of everything shitty that happens to her and the family throughout the year. I hope you enjoy!

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That night Lyss was so happy, although she couldn't really show it, she was so happy. She got to see Melissa and actually remember it and she was reminded of way she was fighting so hard when it would be easier to let go. It had a disastrous ending but still she loved it. Her entire family showed support for her and although she was scared of what they would find in the blood test and bone scan the next day she didn't care. As long as she wasn't alone.

Around 9 in the morning Meredith went upstairs to wake Lyss up.

"Sweetie, it's time to go to the hospital," she whispered in her ear. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Okay Mommy," Lyss said more stronger then she usually would. Mere was surprised. She helped her get dressed and fix her wig. When Lyss looked into the mirror she was surprised. Apart from her clothes fitting loosely from her loss of weight, her ribs sticking out, and her pale skin, she looked normal.

Mere helped her downstairs and into the car. She kissed her kids good-bye and left Sophia in charge. Meredith and Derek got into the car and they drove to the hospital. Mere laughed as she saw Addie right behind her in her car waving at them. Her hair was unkempt and Mere watched her attempts to fix it while driving. Lyss fell asleep on the way there. As they arrived Meredith went to the back seat and gently woke her and helped her out of the car.

The good feeling she had earlier wore off as Mere helped her get in her room and into the hospital gown. Izzie, Addison, Bailey, and Callie came in as they withdrew the blood from her port and as that was down to lab, using a wheelchair they brought her down for the bone scan. When that was all over Lyss started to fall asleep in her room as the results came in. It was then when she started coughing violently making Mere worried. It was Callie who spoke first.

"As I suspected her bone mass has decreased greatly from all the stress and yet again the chemo has shown no effect," she explained. Taking a break from her coughing Lyss looked up in anguish making Callie add. "But since there was no new growth in the cancer cells it could be possible that there is a late effect." Lyss nodded trying to take it all in but she broke into a coughing fit again. Next it was Izzie.

"Unfortunately as we said earlier there was a chance she would be anemic and that is what she is. The problem is apart from having no red cells she has little to none white blood cells."

"What does that mean?" Lyss asked hoarsely.

"Sweetheart," Addison explained. "It means that if you caught a cold right now you would...." she didn't have to finish. Lyss started coughing even harder and louder making Derek jump up from his seat and rush to her bedside. She did have a cold, it was clear, and they all knew what would happen if she got any kind of fever.

"Although it is drastic, I think it is for the best...." Bailey began. "We believe she should go into isolation only because it seems she had contracted something from the party yesterday." Lyss didn't look up.

"You sure?" Mere asked.

"Meredith Shepherd do you think I would make this decision lightly," Bailey hissed. Mere nodded and looked down at Lyss. Bailey then turned to Lyss who had tears forming. "It's for the best and it's only a precaution, you would be out of there a week tops."

"A week," she cried out but started coughing again.

"At tops, I personally think your immune system will come back within three days," Izzie told her.

"It also means no chemo for at least a week also," Addison told her. Lyss nodded but continued to cry silently.

"When?" Lyss asked finally her voice barely a whisper.

"There is an opening at the moment so we would like to move you as soon as possible," Callie informed them. Again Lyss nodded and looked up at her parents. Meredith smiled softly at her and stroked her face. Derek held his position beside her bed.

"So no one will be able to be in her room without sterilized scrubs and a surgical mask," Addie says to no one in particular.

"We will give you guys a few minutes okay," Izzie said mostly to Lyss in her motherly tone as the four women left the room.

"Mommy, Daddy, I don't want to go," she cried softly.

"Sweetie I know, we will still see you," Mere says her own tears welling up.

"We will be in there everyday," Derek told her.

"But it's not the same," she cried. "I don't want to be sick, I just want to never have to go into the hospital again. I don't want chemo, I don't want my hair to fall out, i don't want any of this, I want to be done."

"It will be over soon," Mere told her. "Just keep fighting."

"I will, you know I will, but how long till no matter how hard I fight I can't win?"

"Let's not think about this right now okay," Derek said sadly.

"Daddy, I don't want to die," she cried.

"It will be okay Lyss baby," Mere soothed. That's when the door opened again.

"It's time," Izzie said. Lyss nodded and wiped her tears away.

"Okay," Mere said her voice thick with emotion. She knew this was not going to be the last time she had to watch Lyss go into isolation and she was scared that there could be one day that Lyss wouldn't come out. But Mere couldn't think of that right then, she had to stay strong for her. She walked down the hallway with her as they moved her into the room, hooked up to the machines, and the door shut.

As Lyss sat there, Mere stood at the window that allowed her to see in. She could see her daughter was crying and it took Mere's breath away. Mere started to have a panic attack and couldn't catch her breath. Derek looked over immediately as Mere ran away from the window.

"MEREDITH!" he called down the hall and chased after her. "MEREDITH COME BACK!" Derek continued to chase her down the hall until she turned into the supply closet. When he opened the door he found her huddled against a cart, legs pulled up to her chest, her breathing short and shallow.

"I.... I.... I can't watch her go through this....." she cried. "She's all alone..... she's sick and we..... can't do anything about it," Mere cried.

"Shhh, Mere," he soothed grabbing a paper bag from above. He bent down next to her and put the bag to her mouth. "Calm down, breathe, long breaths, relax." A she did that he whispered. "Good." When Mere was all better she took the bag away from her mouth.

"Thank you," she said breathlessly. "Derek, it's just, I can't lose her, she's been through so much, and seeing her alone and even worse then we thought, I just can't stop thinking that....."

"That what?"

"That she won't survive this. That this is just the beginning. That more things will go wrong and she will stop fighting. I need her to fight, but....." she started crying into his shoulder.

"Shhh, it's okay, we'll get through this...."

"STOP SAYING THAT!" Mere snapped taking her head off his shoulder. "STOP SAYING THAT SHE WILL BE OKAY, THAT EVERYTHING'S OKAY. OUR DAUGHTER HAS CANCER, FUCKING CANCER AND WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I FEEL LIKE I FAILED SO NO DEREK EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY!" Derek stood up abruptly but Mere spoke again crying softly.

"Derek, wait," she pleaded.

"So you can yell at me again," he inquired harshly.

"No, I am sorry, I shouldn't have snapped, it's just with all that's happening, it's hard not to take it out on someone. I'm sorry it had to be you. Like I can't even concentrate when I am at work thinking of you alone with Lyss and the rest of the kids." Derek sighed.

"It's okay Mere," Derek said sitting back down next to her. "I understand, I am on the verge of snapping too. It's hard, but we will get through this, we are Shepherd's, we can do anything." Mere laughed.

"Wow Derek, that was really corny."

"Come on, let's say good-bye to Lyss and get home."

"Okay," she said solemnly. They hated that they had to leave but they had to take care of their other children too. Secretly they were happy, they didn't want to have to look at Lyss in isolation, alone, all day.

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Isolation. It meant exactly what it sounded like. No one. No one to talk to, no one to protect you, no one to distract you even for a minute so you forget you have cancer. What kind of word is cancer anyway? It's just something they can call a terminal disease that will ultimately kill you if the chemo doesn't first.

Everyone said they were sorry, but what were they sorry for? It's not like they gave her the cancer. They just sat around and had looks on there faces that if they stayed there much longer it would be stuck. The fake smiles they had on just masked their real feelings. That they were as afraid as Lyss was. Afraid she wasn't going to get through it. Afraid she would give up. But that's not what Lyss was afraid of. She was afraid of the sympathy. The look on her doctors, her aunt's, her uncle's faces when they told her something bad. They looked porcelain, not real. And her parents, theirs were even worse. Worn out, exhausted, terrified, and yet that fake smile was still evident.

Her Aunt Addie, she loved her so much. Whenever she came into town or they visited L.A, she always took Lyss out on a shopping trip alone. It was their thing. On the day they picked first she would pick her up at either their house or the hotel they were staying at. Next they would go to the nearest mall or shopping center and shop up until lunch where they pigged out on junk food and shopped again. Then she would take Lyss to the nearest park and get all the junk food they wanted. They could sit there forever and talk nonsense. Besides her Aunt Christina, Aunt Addie was the first one she told about her feelings toward her parents. And she also pouted her way into a story or two about the whole thing about being her dad's ex-wife.

When Lyss thought about the memories at that moment it was too painful. Too painful to think that she may never get to spend time with her Aunt like that again. Even if she did, it would never be the same. Especially if it was when she still had cancer. She couldn't talk about her feelings to someone who was the last to find out. Someone who is so new to it. Her Aunt Addie's smile was the biggest and the most fake out of all of them.

Her Aunt Izzie, she always had a connection with her. She was kind, sweet, and there for her when her parents weren't. Being next door she saw her everyday when she was little, babysitting her on a regular basis. There were times when everyone else was asleep that Lyss would go downstairs and scare the heck out of her. After the affect wore of she would snuggle on the couch with Izzie and watch TV. Well I guess you couldn't call it watching TV, more like gabbing. But it was her Aunt Izzie who got her into watching all the grown up medical dramas like House and Scrubs. Even once they broke out the Ellis Grey surgery tapes.

She loved her but yet again when she was around her when she was sick, the fake smile. Because she was on Lyss's team of doctors she had the serious look but the was strong evidence like she wanted to cry and hold her tight. Like she did when she found out Lyss was pregnant, or when she was 6 and had her heart broken by her parents. She would rather have the tears.

Her Aunt Miranda or Aunt Bailey as she liked to call her, was awesome. Strong, fearless, and her bark was definitely worse then her bite. You say one thing to contradict her and she goes on a rampage. But, of all the times she had gone into the ER, she was always there. There to comfort her, support her, distract her, and yell at her if she did something that was stupid. She called it inheriting the Shepherd stupid gene. She was very intimidating but extremely caring. She always made sure that Lyss was okay whenever she even came to visit. If she ever had surgery and her parents were in surgery there would be always a point where she woke up to a smiling comforting face.

But now it was all different. Bailey was never one to show emotions and when Lyss saw her on the verge of crying it scared her. So much she wanted to cry and just run away. Her doctor look was much worse then Izzie's making her almost cringe at the sight of it. Seeing the woman that she always thought of as tough love kind of person go soft, scared Lyss almost as much as Lyss was scared about having cancer.

Her Aunt Callie, well she was just great. On days when Lyss's parents had to go in to work and Lyss was sick or something Callie made it her responsibility to look after her, that goes for everyone's kids. If she had surgery she would hook her up in the on-call room after making sure no one was having sex in it with candy and anything she wanted. If she didn't have surgery but she had a patient she would just let Lyss tag along much to her pleasure, and when she had no patients they immediately either raided the cafeteria, vending machines and went down to the basement and talked. When she broke her arm even though she was her patient they still did the same thing although it was in her room.

Her Aunt Callie's smile was different. It probably came from not having the best relationship with her mom, dad, and some of her other Aunt's. It was sorrow, mixed in with confusion, and reluctance. Even though she had such a great relationship with Lyss, she felt intimidated by her parents' presence. Like it had to be her of all people to tell them the bad news.

Her Aunt Lexie, she was the only Aunt on her mom's side that was actually an Aunt and she made it known. She created a bond with each of them but for some reason Lyss felt compelled to say hers was stronger. She was the kind of Aunt that held your hand through the bad stuff, let you talk about your feeling, but could kick your ass a second later. Although she didn't seem like it, Lexie was a fighter. Lyss loved her for it. If Lyss was in the hospital she was the kind of Aunt that snuck her out of the room against orders or gave her candy when sugar was the last thing she needed. She was definitely a rule breaker, Lyss had many stories that she could hold against her. She was the kind of Aunt she needed now.

That was the last thing she got from her. Of course she kind of expected it. She didn't have a fake smile, it was tears, too many tears. But the thing is, they didn't fall, only when she was alone. They just slowly built up as Lyss watched them get ready. Too much emotion. She wants some, but it was just to much for her to handle.

And finally, her Aunt Christina, probably one of the coolest people in the world. She was the Aunt that let her stay up all night watching movies when she babysat. The one who said they can just buy more ice cream as they took out the tub and ate the entire thing. She's the one she could always talk to, she never let Lyss down. She also wasn't afraid to tell Lyss the truth and frequently agreed on the whole Shepherd stupid gene with Bailey. But she loved her. No matter how headstrong and tough she was there was always an admiration that came with it. She is the one who gave her the nickname half-pint just because she was short, and half the size of her mother. That brings on the dreaded nickname, Mini-Mer. She could always count on her Aunt Christina for a good laugh. The coolness was taken to another level when she snuck Lyss into the gallery to watch a surgery one time when she was 9. Of course it wasn't intended to become a habit, it just became one. The both of them loved to watch her parents faces when they looked up and saw her, or when the chief would come in. Christina would scream, "Come on half-pint, time to run!" Until they would get caught they would run through the entire hospital laughing.

Now for Aunt Christina there were only two emotions, anger and content. She didn't have a fake smile, she just sat there, held her hand, and told Lyss flat out what I had to do. That she had to fight. It was then when the tears welled up and she wiped them away, but when she did let them fall Lyss just let her hold her and cry. It was just the right amount of emotion and made Lyss's admiration for her even stronger.

Lyss had a special connections with all her Aunt's but when she sat in isolation it felt like all of them were broken. To Lyss it felt that time was passing everywhere else but in that room. Where she was trapped. Time slowed down and almost completely stopped to Lyss. She thought it would be forever till she got out of there. Although it only took 4 days when she was released from the hospital a couple days later she practically worshiped the ground, happy she could see people again, without the masks.

When people have masks on you can see there emotion clearly. There are no smiles or frowns to deceive you. Her father you could tell though, the first time he visited her, he had a comforting smile on his face, but all Lyss could see were his dimples. The dimples that caused her to tear up and cry.

"Daddy, I want this to be over," over and over and over again breaking Derek's heart each time. Because that's what everyone wanted, for it to be over.

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So after her first time in isolation she kind of shuts down and becomes a zombie again even though for the one day after her party she was great. Now it's just Meredith's take on it and Jake's for the next chapter. Cause the chapter after that is Thanksgiving. (I know it's a little late.) Please I enjoy reviews they help critique me and such.

The more reviews the faster I update although sometimes/ most of the time I have ideas that I can't wait to write so I end up updating that day.

Also I was kind of bored yesterday and didn't really have ideas for updates so I started getting pictures. Like there is one for their house and others for the children as they grow up. Take a look at them, that way it can become more real.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	42. Chapter 42: Keep Your Prayers Up

** Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :)**

**Okay, I am skipping the whole depressing Lyss slipping away thing and going straight to Thanksgiving. That means the Shepherd's and Mere's "family" are coming over to there house. Everyone is surprised as they find Lyss even weaker then before because of the stronger and larger dose of chemo. It's going to be a long night and a long chapter.**

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**Lyss was sprawled out on the couch sleeping. Her wig was on the coffee table and she had a nice blue blouse on and skirt. If she was even semi-conscious and feeling better she would have been out of it in a minute, but Lyss didn't really have the energy. It was around 1:50 when Mere came over to the couch and gently woke her. She was almost afraid to touch her since the chemo has gotten stronger. She looked so weak and pale.**

**"Lyss sweetie, they are going to be here in about 10 minutes," she whispered into her ear. Lyss's eyes slowly opened and her head nodded. A small smile fell upon her lips as she struggled to sit up.**

**"Okay Mommy," she said quietly. Her eyes stared straight forward, she knew the little Shepherd greeting would start outside as it had always done but this Thanksgiving Lyss wouldn't be a part of that. They would all have to say hi to her in the house. There was no way she could make it outside, be bombarded with happiness and make it back into the house without collapsing.**

**Lyss slowly turned her head as she heard the normal three rental cars pull up almost precisely at 2:00. Her Nana always loved to be on time. The kids rushed out to greet their family but Meredith and Derek were hesitant. Lyss just nodded at them and stared into space again. The clamor could be heard even through the closed door and windows. Knowing they would come in soon she reached over and put her wig onto her head.**

**Outside there was a large gathering of people outside. Everyone was looking around for one person though.**

**"Where is she?" Elizabeth asked amongst the talking. It was Derek who answered.**

**"She is inside mom, she didn't really have the strength to come out here but she is awake." Sophia looked at her cousins sadly as they had shocked faces not imagining her too be that bad. Of course everyone knew she had cancer although the younger ones didn't know what it was. Everyone at least knew she was sick.**

**"But wait," Lyndsey asked. "Didn't she only start chemo a month and a half ago."**

**"Yes," Mere answered. "But as we said before, that as a part of her rebellion and depression, she didn't eat much and still can't eat to much. It's been hard on her body. In addition to that, the chemo hasn't taken yet so they keep increasing the strength and amount."**

**"What about induction?" Emma asked. Mere felt a small smile creep onto her lips stifling a laugh, of course they all probably have their own treatment plan laid out for her and were eager to share it with them and her doctors.**

**"Her doctors really don't want to put more stress onto her body so they are holding it off as long as they can. But I really haven't gotten a chance to look at her chart yet so if you want more ask either Izzie, Callie, or Miranda, they are on her team." The people around nodded, Lily looking the most upset, her closest cousin being so sick. An eerie silence hung over the group.**

**"Well let's get inside," Kathleen said snapping everyone from their thought. That's when Joey the last addition to the family other than Noah came up to Meredith and tugged at her pants. He was 5 and didn't really understand where she was and that she was sick.**

**"Aunt Meredith," he said looking up.**

**"Yeah Joey," Mere said sweetly bending down to his height.**

**"Where is Lyssa?"**

**"She is inside Joey," Mere said sadly. Lyndsey came over and grabbed his hand blinking apologetically at Mere and led him into the house.**

**Lyss heard the commotion as the approaching group neared the house she closed her eyes and took a deep breath and prepared to push herself to her feet when they came in. When she heard the door open her head slowly turned toward it and she smiled as she immediately saw her grandma blundering her way past her parents.**

**"Lyss," she exclaimed happily making her laugh. She almost made Lyss feel better. Lyss pushed herself to her feet only stumbling a little. Of course that made Elizabeth come to her faster and hug her tightly. Lyss hugged her back but not as tightly. When they broke away Lyss smiled weakly and opened her mouth to speak.**

**"I missed you," she said quietly.**

**"Me too," Elizabeth said sadly but easily masked it. Neither of them realized everyone else was standing behind them. Nancy had her hand on her mouth stifling a gasp, Kathleen and Emma were speechless, and Lyndsey was holding onto Joey making sure he didn't run and barrel into her. The sight of her shocked everyone, even underneath her loosely fitted blouse you could see her ribs stick out along with her pale flushed skin, glazed eyes, and obvious wig that was now too big on her head. Elizabeth helped her over where she got a large welcome everyone trying to forget. Lily was the first one there.**

**"Lyss," she said sadly.**

**"Lily, it's me, I am not going to break if you touch me," she said gesturing for a hug. The two girls hugged but broke away fast. Sophia watched her sadly and was soon joined by Jake and Hayley. Lyss made her way back to the couch after saying hello to everyone not wanting any awkward questions or silences, of course she knew that wasn't going to happen.**

**That plan was immediately done when the men and boys came over to the couch to watch the game. She prayed that her mother's half would come soon, she had gotten used to being around them with the cancer, but of course they weren't coming for another hour. Lyss sighed and closed her eyes trying to block out the noise. She knew in a matter of minutes her aunt's would come over and practically drag her over to some random place in the house and talk to her, and the first word's out of their mouth's would be 'How are you feeling?'**

**She was snapped out of her thought when she felt someone tapping her legs and Lyss opened her eyes to look at Joey.**

**"Hey Joe," she said and motioned for him to sit on her lap. That was the least she could do.**

**"Hey Lyss," he said quietly. He looked very confused and immediately she realized why. The past holiday's or time she would spend in New York with them she would always make it her job to spend with the younger kids. It was always her and Lily. Most of the time she was trying to avoid Kelsey who was always hanging out with her older cousins like Amanda, Jill, Amy, Jen, and Kristen. Even the last time she had see them hung around Joey and Noah, and that was during her little outburst. The reason for that was avoiding her parents who were avoiding each other.**

**Joey was probably scared because instead of taking him outside and playing with him as she always did she was sitting there looking like a ghost.**

**"What is wrong?" she asked him. When he stayed quiet she continued. "It's okay Joey, I am just sick right now, and I won't be better for a while."**

**"My mommy said you had cancer, what is that?"**

**"It's just something that makes me sick and the only thing that can cure it is something that makes me very weak."**

**"You will get better though won't you?"**

**"I hope so."**

**"Me too." He smiled at her and she kissed his forehead.**

**"Why don't you see where Noah is," she suggested and immediately he nodded and hopped off her lap. Again Lyss closed her eyes and tried to rest blocking out the sounds of the game and the men around it. Of course the loudest of them, her Uncle Robert had to be right next to her screaming at the television set every time their team got the ball.**

**And then of course maybe 20 minutes later of listening to the game she immediately heard her aunt's coming up behind her.**

**"Lyss," Kathleen nudged her gently. Lyss sighed.**

**"You know I am not asleep," she mumbled.**

**"You sure look like it," Lyndsey laughed.**

**"It hard to sleep when you are surrounded by a room filled with men who love football," Lyss opening one eye sighing wishing they would have waited till 3 when she at least new her Aunt Izzie would be there.**

**"Well come with us, we wanted to talk to you," Nancy said. Lyss turned around where the four of them were standing. In the background she saw her grandmother scolding her father over the turkey and her mom laughing at him. It was the happiest she had seen them since she was diagnosed and that made her happy.**

**"Like I don't know the first words out of your mouth will be 'How are you feeling Lyss'" she smiled.**

**"Oh come on," Emma nudged her up. "We are your Aunt's." Lyss breathed in deeply.**

**"Fine," she grumbled and folded her arms.**

**"Thank you," Nancy said with a smile.**

**"You know you are just as stubborn as your mom," Kathleen said.**

**"Like I haven't heard that so many times," Lyss laughed weakly as her Aunt's helped her to the table.**

**Lyndsey opened her mouth to speak but Lyss cut her off.**

**"I am fine, I have cancer, the chemo hasn't shown affect of working yet so it's just stronger chemo that is making me look like shit right now."**

**"Language," Emma prompted. Lyss smiled weakly.**

**"Oh come on I have cancer can you give me some slack."**

**"Nope," Nancy shook her head and laughed.**

**"Figures," Lyss rolled her eyes.**

**"Lyss, we just want to know that you are okay," Kathleen said.**

**"One second you were, well we didn't even know who you were anymore, then the next you got cancer," Lyndsey reasoned.**

**"When we found out, we were so worried, no one want to find out that their niece has a terminal illness," Nancy told her.**

**"I guess I understand," Lyss said.**

**"One question...." Emma trailed off.**

**"What exactly happened two months ago, it's fine you can ask, trust me, I have talked about it a lot," she said emphasis on the a lot. "Aunt Kathleen you should probably listen." The four women bent closer to her. "Where do you want me to start?"**

**"Beginning," Lyndsey said.**

**"Okay, well it started when I was six," Lyss began, she has told the story man times but never to them because she hadn't seen them since the diagnosis. "My first day of tap my parents forgot me because Kels weaseled her way into ice cream and then of course the next day I had the little problem with the appendix. Anyway I was really upset because it was the first time they forgot me and you know I was six, then they didn't notice that I had a fever and was in a lot of pain. Plus, I was six and a little dramatic." Kathleen nodded and Lyss looked amused and her professional look.**

**"Well the thing is it kind of continued the whole leaving me out, forgetting me, not noticing me thing. It started getting worse when I was 8 and I had my recital, Kelsey was complaining the whole time and I yelled at her and she twisted it into me hitting her and of course my parents believed her. Then she threw a doll at me and I allowed myself to get hurt so I could get their attention..... and before you say anything I know that is not really good, but it got their attention and that was the only way I figured I could get it. So then I drowned when we went fishing because Jake pushed me in and they weren't paying enough attention but of course I was fine. Then when went to Disney they left me out a lot so I threw tantrums. It got their attention but not for long. Soon it was Thanksgiving and you all know what happened so I don't have to explain that. Then it got worse when Noah was born and I felt stuck in the middle because there was nothing significant about me. By the time I was 10 the whole hurting myself thing wore off until my mom forgot about my field hockey game so even though I didn't break my arm on purpose I didn't make anything better. Then it was the breaking point. They forgot my recital and I didn't know I made plans and you all know what those plans were, but then somehow they blew out of proportion. I am sure you heard about the whole..." she motioned to her stomach and they nodded. "But I am not sure you heard about....." she lifted up her sleeve revealing the long healed scars that still reminded her of the bitch she was to her parents.**

**"Lyss," Kathleen gasped.**

**"I know, but I got help and not even therapy. I was shown I was loved and I was cared about and that's all I needed to stop. I just wish the cancer didn't make me realize it. It would have been easier just to figure out on my own." Nancy brought her hand to her mouth. "I knew it too, but there was just something I don't know, something just felt missing. And in my story I kind of sound like a brat and made my parents sound horrible, but they are definitely far from it."**

**"I wish we knew," Nancy said.**

**"It's okay, it's made me stronger, apparently not strong enough for...."**

**"Excuse me," Emma said.**

**"Not strong enough for what, because if you think that you are not strong enough to beat this thing you've got another thing coming," Lyndsey said.**

**"I get it, that's all I have been hearing."**

**"Good, cause your a......" Kathleen started.**

**"A Shepherd and Shepherd's don't give up, I know that's all my dad says and my mom but she is convinced the Grey dominates because I look like her."**

**"Sure it does....." Nancy said. They watched as Lyss's hand all of a sudden flew to her mouth. They were all doctors, they all knew. Immediately Lyss stood up and took off towards the bathroom. Nancy who was the closest stood up until she saw Mere take notice who ran after her daughter immediately. When she was done Lyss looked up.**

**"Every time I am having a nice conversation with someone," she sighed.**

**"Oh good, it was a nice conversation, I was going to try and rescue you," Mere laughed.**

**"No mom, it was nice, but thanks." She helped Lyss up as she head the door open and Izzie came in.**

**"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!" she called. Lyss hurried out of the bathroom followed by Mere to see she and Alex were holding baked goods galore. Lyss shook her head.**

**"She made too much again," she whispered in her mother's ear as they approached the door where the Shepherd's were welcoming Izzie, Lyss's Aunt's obviously wanting to ask about her treatment.**

**"Wow, girls," Alex laughed. "I say hi too but if I even drop one of these plates Izzie will have a cow." Izzie nudged him as Dylan took the cakes for her father.**

**"Chill dad, I got them."**

**Lyss grabbed Ali's hand and dragged her out of the way so she could feel normal again and get Lily while waiting for Morgan. Even though Lyss was sick she wasn't about to spoil tradition. The four girls were always close and talked almost all evening barring distractions from others.**

**"Hey Lyss," Ali said and hugged her friend.**

**"Okay Ali," Lyss laughed. "Love the welcome but if my memory serves correct I believe I saw you yesterday. At least I think you sat on my bed and we talked for hours unless I dozed off from time to time."**

**"Shut Up, your my best friend," she said and went over to Lily.**

**"Ali, it's been about three months," Lily exclaimed as Ali hugged her tightly.**

**"Hey, be nice," Lyss said not feeling sick for that point in time. Immediately they went to the and sat there waiting for Lexie and George to show up with Morgan.**

**"So Lyss, how bad did they hound you," Lily asked quietly.**

**"Not too bad," Lyss said Ali looked confused.**

**"Our Aunt's had a little talk with her," Lily explained. "By the way what was it about my mom, you know she is a shrink, had her profesional look on, wait you were telling them about......" Lyss nodded.**

**"Hey there's Morgan," Ali said as she waved out the window to the younger girl. She was followed my George and Lexie each carrying one of the twins.**

**"And Tyler and Taylor, god they are cute," Lily said. For a second Lyss felt fine until she stood up too fast and a wave of dizziness passed over her. She stumbled and almost fell to the floor, luckily Alex was making his way over to the couch and caught her.**

**"Woah," he called and she fell into his arms. "You alright Lyss?" He helped her stand up as Lyss took a deep breath.**

**"Yeah, thanks Uncle Alex, but I just stood up to fast." As if on cue Meredith followed by Elizabeth ran over.**

**"Lyss are you okay," they asked.**

**"Yeah I am fine," she said fixing her wig. "I was just starting to feel normal when I stood up to fast and felt dizzy."**

**"Sweetie," Mere said kissing her forehead.**

**"I know, but I want to go see Morgan," Lyss said as she resisted her mother and walked toward the direction where Lily, Morgan, and Ali were talking. She almost reached them when she was interrupted by Derek.**

**"Lyss what happened over there?"**

**"I'm fine Daddy, just felt a little dizzy," she said and walked over to her friends.**

**"Lyss," Lexie smiled as she came into view.**

**"Hi Aunt Lexie," Lyss said. "Hi Uncle George." She hugged them both tightly.**

**"How are you feeling?" George asked.**

**"Pretty good actually," Lyss said confidently.**

**"Well that's good," Lexie said. Lyss smiled back slightly and walked towards Morgan. She hugged her tightly. Before they were able to slip upstairs, Addie and Kevin came in.**

**"Aunt Addie!" Lyss exclaimed, and despite her dizziness, ran over to her Aunt and rushed into her arms.**

**"Hey Lyss," Addie smiled, happy that Lyss was feeling well enough to run and at least greet her. "How are you feeling sweetheart?"**

**"Great... at least now," Lyss told her and hugged Kevin as well. As everyone started to greet Addie, Lyss and the girls finally slipped upstairs and into her room.**

**"Do you guys mind if I rest a little?" she asked sitting on her bed.**

**"No it's fine, as long as you don't mind our talking," Morgan said.**

**"I can sleep through anything nowadays." It didn't take long for Lyss to rest her head on the pillow and fall asleep. Morgan, Ali, and Lily looked at each other.**

**"I can't stand it," Lily whispered looking at her cousin teary eyed.**

**"It's okay, she will fight it," Ali whispered back.**

**"Do you know anything about it?" Morgan asked Ali. She shrugged.**

**"Come on, you didn't here your parents talking at all," Lily said.**

**"They said something about it may being chemo resistant."**

**"Meaning," Morgan prompted.**

**"Meaning chemo doesn't work on it," she said harshly but apologized quickly.**

**"It's just she is my cousin, I barely see her since I live on the other side of the country," Lily said. "She is the only on in the family near my age. The next closest is Brian and he is 15," she shuttered. "And of course Jake, but then you know, no girls, and Hayley and Paige aren't exactly my type, they always hang out with Sophia who hangs with Amanda, Kristen, and all the older kids."**

**"Well you have us," Ali said.**

**"Yeah only in holiday's celebrated here, not the one's in New York or Connecticut," Lily sighed. "I heard my mom say they may not be coming this year, I will have no one."**

**"I'm sorry Lily," Morgan said. About 10 minutes later Lyss woke up looking even worse then before. Her wig was ruffled and misplaced and whenever she slept she was always groggy, less hungry then usual, weaker, and of course nauseous. Almost immediately when the girls helped her up she felt sick and ran to the bathroom returning a minute later.**

**"Sorry," she said and the three nodded. An awkward silence hung over the group until Morgan suggested they go back downstairs. By the time they got down everyone was already there and it was nearing 4:30 meaning dinner in less than a half and hour.**

**She walked over to everyone excitedly, all of them noticing she was gone. In the time they were upstairs, Miranda, Tucker, Tuck, Mark, Nate, Cristina, Owen, Talia, Trevor, Callie, Richard, and Adele were there.**

**"There she is!" Mark called and made Lyss giggle slightly. "What's up kiddo."**

**"Nice to see you too Uncle Mark," Lyss whispered and hugged her Uncle and ruffled Nate's hair. When she hugged Miranda and Callie, she felt them analyzing her condition and it was just awkward when she hugged Tucker and Tuck.**

**"So, you ignoring me half-pint?" Cristina asked.**

**"How could I ever ignore you Aunt Cristina?" Lyss asked and Cristina just pulled her into yet another awkward hug since she didn't 'do' hugs. Owen, Tally, and Trevor hugged her as well and they were the least awkward. Once everyone had said hi, Lyss opened her mouth to speak but that's not what came out. She was nauseous again. When she ran to the bathroom, Meredith or Derek weren't fast enough, so Kathleen had helped her. Lyss felt embarrassed.**

**By the time she recovered, Lyss was exhausted so she went to the back room. She flopped down onto the couch that was placed in there and closed her eyes. She didn't want sleep, she wanted peace. She wished she could forget about the cancer, save the awkward silences from ever happening. At that moment she almost wished for eternal peace, meaning death. She wanted to escape from it all.**

**She wished she didn't have to suffer and just let God take her if he wanted to. Her arm fell of the couch and she was jolted out of thought when a sloppy tongue met her hand. She opened her eyes and came faced to face with her best friend. Hershey was there for her and always would be.**

**"Hey Hersh," she said and petted the dog gently. She motioned for her big body to jump up up on the couch next to her. She barked and moistened Lyss's face with slobbery kisses.**

**"You understand I want to go, don't you," she said to the dog. "You know I want out of the pain." Hershey barked and let her tongue hang out.**

**"Yeah you do, don't you. You've always been there for me, I love you." She hugged the dog around her neck until Hershey barked. When it was almost time for dinner Mere came into the room to get her. What she found was Lyss using the brown lab as a pillow as her entire body snuggled up against her. Derek followed her and Mere leaned her head on his chest.**

**"Derek, I don't want to disturb her," she said admiring her daughter.**

**"I know me neither, but we must." Mere walked over to the couch and tried to place her hand on her back when Hershey's head popped up and barked protectively.**

**"Oh, so you're her guard dog huh," she said petting the dog. "But she has to wake up."**

**"I'm up Mom," Lyss said opening her eyes. she got up slowly and allowed her mother to help her to her seat at the table which everyone was around. She was thankful that instead of her seat next to her parents she sat in between Lily and Ali across the table from Izzie, Alex, her mother, and father.**

**"Who's going to say grace?" Nancy asked as the food was passed onto everyone's plate.**

**"I will," Elizabeth decided.**

**Everyone bent there heads down.**

**"God," Liz began. "Thank you for bringing us the food we eat and for the love we share. And how easily we bring two families together. And thank you for Izzie's baking skills because without them we wouldn't have dessert." Everyone laughed. "Please bring us forgiveness and love so our family will always live on. And please give Alyssa the strength to beat the cancer and bring our family strength to support her. Amen."**

**"Amen," everyone said and started to eat, well except for Lyss who picked up her fork and started to move the food on her plate around. Izzie looked at the amount of food on it and frowned. It only consisted of a single strip of turkey, a dollop of mashed potatoes, a small heap of stuffing, and gravy. She didn't even have a roll, corn, cranberries, or sweet potatoes, all of which she loved.**

**"Lyss don't you want anymore?" she asked. Lyss shook her head and didn't look up. Between all of the greetings, trips to the bathrooms, and little naps she took in the paast 4 hours have left her weak and tired.**

**"Can't eat," she said quietly. Izzie sighed but Miranda just grunted.**

**"Now how do you expect to get better if you don't eat anything?" she said. "If you don't eat you have no strength, is the cancer just supposed to disappear. No! You have to eat and get the strength to fight it off," she said staring her down willing her to look up. Lyss's head slowly moved.**

**"She's right Lyss," Callie said. "How are you supposed to have any bone mass by not eating, you want to need a hip replacement at the age of 13? No, I don't think you do. As your doctor, I say you must eat because I really don't want to have to put your body through more surgery and stress that it has already been through." Lyss looked at everyone's faces, they all said the same thing they just said. Lyss sighed and looked back down. Grudgingly she stabbed her fork into the turkey and put it in her mouth.**

**"Happy," she said and picked up another piece.**

**"I think they would all be happy if you had more food on your plate," Mark said with a smirk. Weakly Lyss smiled and rolled her eyes at her godfather.**

**"Your lucky I am eating, don't push it," she growled and looked back down. The table erupted with laughter as Mark's smirk disappeared. She always knew how to bring his cockiness down. Of course now that she was eating it was inevitable that she would be getting up any minute to throw up in the bathroom.**

**That time came in abut four minutes. When Lyss looked up and locked eyes with Meredith, she immediately read her mind, and got up as Lyss ran, well more like stumbled toward the bathroom, needing Mere's help to make it the rest of the way. Derek got up and stood near the bathroom the tears falling. Liz got up and got him to go back to the table.**

**"Not now," she told him.**

**"It's just so unfair," he sighed and took one last look at the bathroom. Immediately they tried to distract each other from the sounds coming from the bathroom.**

**"So Addie," Nancy said. "When is the wedding?"**

**"Yeah, cause we certainly have not gotten the invitations yet," Mark said.**

**"We had to change the date," Kevin explained. "My mom couldn't make it in February or January."**

**"So now it is going to be in March," Addison finished.**

**"I am so happy for you," Elizabeth said, Kathleen and Emma nodding in agreement. Awkward silence.**

**"So girls," Lyndsey asked Sophia, Hayley, and Paige. "How is school?"**

**"High school is high school," Sophia answered.**

**"And middle school is a lot better than before, Bryan disappeared, we don't know what happened," Paige said.**

**"And Chloe got expelled," Hayley said.**

**"Well I could have had something to do with the whole Bryan thing," Kevin said.**

**"What did you do?" Addie asked.**

**"Called the head of Seattle's police and told him about the altercation we had with him last time."**

**"Bryan why have I heard that name before?" Emma asked. Derek opened his mouth to say something but a new voice came from behind.**

**"He is my ex-boyfriend," Lyss said causing everyone's attention to go back on her. "He showed up here asking me to get him unsuspended from school. Then he threatened me," Lyss explained to the Shepherd's.**

**"Is he the....." Nancy asked.**

**"Yes." Lyss sat down and tried to force a little more food down her throat. Of course that only resulted in another trip to the bathroom. But instead of the sounds of throwing up and loud crash came from the bathroom. Everyone's head jerked up and little less than half of the guests stood up. Derek immediately ran over to the bathroom in panic. He found Mere bent beside Lyss stoking her face.**

**"She passed out," she explained, it has happened before but not so sudden. Derek nodded and easily scooped up her small fragile body and walked out of the bathroom. Lily and Ali looked shocked as they saw her being carried over to the couch. Instead of leaving her there Derek sat down and rocked her back in forth gently murmuring inaudible words into her ear.**

**"What happened," Miranda demanded.**

**"She passed out," Mere explained sadly and pushed away her plate.**

**"Has this happened before?" Kathleen asked.**

**"Yes Kathy, it has, twice. When she gets overwhelmed, her body can't handle it and she crashes. She recovers within an hour though."**

**"He such a good father," Liz observed.**

**"He sure is, he is so worried about her," Mere said.**

**"It scares me," Kelsey said.**

**"Oh baby," Mere said and kissed her forehead.**

**"Mere, let's hold of chemo for one more day," Izzie said and Callie nodded in agreement.**

**"It looks like she is anemic again too," Lexie said watching Lyss in her father's arms.**

**"You know I have never seen McDreamy this sweet," Christina commented.**

**"Christina," George hissed.**

**"Cool it O'Malley, everyone is stressed," Alex said.**

**"I still can't believe it," Lexie whispered.**

**"Why is it so bad?" Jason asked, he was a doctor too.**

**"We have strengthened the chemo twice already," Bailey explained.**

**"It still hasn't shown any affect," Izzie finished.**

**"What about a marrow transplant?" Robert suggested.**

**"There is still plenty of time for that, we just think it is too fatal to try at the moment," Callie said grimly.**

**"If she is chemo resistant our plan is induction chemo and if that achieves remission then a bone marrow transplant," Christina said.**

**"What happens if she doesn't?" Emma asked.**

**"We'll still do the transplant, only if there are donors," Izzie said.**

**"What if their aren't any donors?" Sophia asked in a small voice.**

**"Clinical trials," Callie said.**

**"Is that your only option?" Nancy aksed.**

**"At the moment yes, but we don't need to think about it now," Miranda said. Everyone finished up dinner and started to clear the table for dessert.**

**The older kids sat a distance away from Lyss and Derek who were now on the couch.**

**"I knew she had cancer , but I didn't know it could get this bad," Jill said, she was 16 like Sophia.**

**"It's only been about 2 months right?" Kristen asked Hayley, Paige, and Sophia. The three of them nodded grimly.**

**"I just wish we got to know her better," Amanda said.**

**"Yeah, I guess we always had a little too much fun torturing her and Lily," Jen said. She was 17.**

**"Remember when they were four at Christmas," Sarah said. "We all told them they should wait outside for Santa on the wrong day."**

**"Oh yeah," Michael laughed. "We locked the two of them outside and it started snowing."**

**"I remember their faces when they were let back in the house," Sophia said.**

**"Or when they were 7 and we told them there was a nest of birds at the top of the tree," Jill laughed.**

**"The two of the scurried up so fast they forgot how to get down," Kristen said laughing.**

**"Uncle Derek and Uncle Robert had to climb up there and get them down," Amy laughed.**

**"One time we went too far remember," Sophia said.**

**"Oh yeah the cookie jar," Hayley said. Kelsey who was sitting with them looked confused.**

**"I can't believe we convinced the two of them to climb up the counter and onto the refrigerator to get that jar, they were only 2," Sarah said half explaining to kelsey..**

**"It would have worked if Lyss didn't fall," Kyle said.**

**"Yeah we could have done without the broken leg," Jen said.**

**"Or the two week grounding each of us got," Amanda said.**

**"She will get better right?" Amy said sadly.**

**"I don't know, you don't see her everyday," Hayley said.**

**"We barely see her anymore," Kels said.**

**"When we do, she is like a zombie," Paige said.**

**"All she does is sleep, attempt to eat, throw up, and go to chemo," Sophia said.**

**"And you should have seen her in the isolation ward," Hayley said.**

**"It was so scary," Kelsey shuttered.**

**"I'm so sorry," Jill said hugging Kelsey.**

**"She has to be alright, she's Lyss.... she's our Lyss.... the shy little girl who came out of her shell and annoyed us all. She.... she has to be alright," Amy sighed and they continued to watch her.**

**Back with the girls who were all helping clean up and get ready for dessert a similar conversation was taking place.**

**"Mere, I didn't know she would be this bad," Nancy said looking at Lyss and Derek on the chair.**

**"None of us thought so," Mere sighed and wiped away her tears.**

**"She will get through it Mere," Izzie said hugging her friend.**

**"I don't know," she said.**

**"What do you mean Mere," Kathleen said.**

**"She always talks about being to tired and everything, she is giving up," Mere said.**

**"Just keep your prayers up, that's all you can do," Liz said. "Have hope."**

**"She loves you guys, she wouldn't leave you so easily," Christina said looking at Lyss. She was slowly waking up and wrapping her arms tightly around Derek's neck.**

**"I hope so," Mere said dropping what she was doing and walking over to her daughter.**

**"She wouldn't, would she," Emma asked. That was a question no one could answer.**

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**"Mommy," Lyss whispered when her mother came into view. "What happened?"**

**"You passed out sweetie," Mere said.**

**"Again," Lyss croaked.**

**"Yeah. I'm afraid so baby," Derek said.**

**"Is it over yet," Lyss asked exhausted.**

**"It will be soon, I promise," Derek said.**

**"Promise, promise," she asked.**

**"Promise, promise," Mere said and kissed her forehead.**

**"You want to go upstairs sweetie," Derek asked.**

**"Yes Daddy," Lyss said shifting a little.**

**"Here baby, I will take you," Mere said as Derek allowed her to take Lyss in her arms. She picked her up and made her way to the stairs. Elizabeth, Nancy, Kathleen, Lyndsey, Emma, Izzie, Christina, and Lexie intercepted them at the bottom of the steps.**

**"Hey Lyss, you feeling better?" Liz asked.**

**"A little nana," she said quietly.**

**"You going upstairs?" Kathllen asked as she wrapped her arms around her mother's neck her head on her shoulder tiredly.**

**"Yeah, she is tired," Mere said.**

**"Well we will see you tomorrow Lyss," Emma said.**

**"Goodnight," Izzie and Lexie said simultaneously.**

**"Goodnight," she said barely audible. Mere continued up the stairs and got her to her room.**

**"Did you enjoy today baby?" Mere asked.**

**"Yeah, it was good, I felt normal at times," Lyss said happily.**

**"And you don't have chemo tomorrow, they cancelled it."**

**"Good."**

**"That means we can spend the day with the family tomorrow."**

**"Great," Lyss said enthusiastically.**

**"Goodnight sweetie," Mere said and kissed her forehead.**

**"Night Mommy," she said sleepily.**

**"I love you."**

**"I love you too." That's when Derek came in.**

**"Hi daddy," she said.**

**"Hey baby," he said.**

**"Can you sit with me for a little bit?"**

**"Of course," Derek said sitting on the side of her bed stroking her face gently.**

**"Goodnight Daddy."**

**"Goodnight sweetheart."**

**"I love you."**

**"I love you too baby," he kissed her on the cheek and rubbed her back until she fell asleep. He turned around to find Mere in her doorway.**

**"What are we going to do tomorrow?" she asked.**

**"I don't know," he said.**

**"Well I say today was a success," Mere whispered watching Lyss.**

**"No ex-boyfriends showed up so yeah, and she looked like she had fun until you know...."**

**"God I love you," she said as Mere rested her head on his chest.**

**"I love you too Mere," he said as she looked up and kissed him.**

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**Yeah, I guess it wasn't a total disaster but I hate to say but the worse is yet to come.**

**The more reviews the faster I update although sometimes/ most of the time I have ideas that I can't wait to write so I end up updating that day.**

**I want to do that 8 reviews for next chapter but I was criticized for it although many of the other author's do that too. Whatever but could I just please ask for at least 7 reviews this chapter :)**

**Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	43. Chapter 43: Unexpected Shopping Trips

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :)

This chapter is kind of a filler so forgive me if it drones on. Lyss finds out something big along with a man whom Meredith hasn't seen for 11 years since Morgan's birth. That is what this chapter is about because he will show up at another point.

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The next day started early for everyone except Lyss. They would wake her later. Addison and Kevin had slept in the guest room while the Shepherd's all shared the guest house. When Meredith and Derek walked downstairs everyone else was already up and Liz was in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Good Morning," she called happily to them as they poured themselves coffee and sat down at the island.

"Good morning Mom," Derek said and was quickly echoed by Mere.

"Where is Alyssa?" Nancy asked coming into the kitchen. They were watching Joey and Noah play with Hershey.

"She is still sleeping, it's normal for her," Meredith answered.

"Yeah, she doesn't get up until 12 on most days but she did go to bed two hours earlier so we can get her up soon," Derek said.

"You have any idea what we are going to do today?" Kathleen asked refreshing her tea.

"Whatever you guys want," Derek told her sipping his coffee.

"Well it is Black Friday," Elizabeth said.

"We do go shopping every year," Emma commented.

"I don't know if Lyss is up to it," Meredith said.

"I am up to it," a new voice said from behind. They all turned their head toward the sound. Lyss stood there still in her pajamas and a scarf wrapped neatly around her head.

"Good morning sweetheart," Meredith said coming up to give her daughter a kiss and help her to a seat.

"Good morning," she said quietly.

"Lyss are you sure you are up for it," Derek asked her.

"Yes Daddy, it's been a while since I went three days without chemo, I should make the best of it. Plus it's tradition," she said with serious look.

"Well little brother looks like your daughter made up her mind, I will tell the family, see you at breakfast," Nancy said turning to kiss Lyss on the head and walk out into the living room.

"You hungry Lyss?" Liz asked her.

"A little actually, which is surprising," Lyss said.

"Well maybe that's a good sign," Emma said kissing her forehead and walking into the living room.

"Hey... can I have a cup of coffee?" Lyss asked.

"Wow... you are feeling better," Mere smiled. Lyss nodded. She hasn't been up earlier enough to drink coffee, let alone hold it down. Derek poured her a cup and kissed her gently on the cheek.

"What time are we going out?" Lyss asked.

"I guess around 12," Mere answered.

"Good, that gives me enough time to throw up whatever I eat for breakfast," she said sarcastically.

"Lyss," Derek said.

"I'm joking Daddy, but you know it's probably true," she said.

"She is right Derek," Elizabeth said. He just grunted and read the newspaper that was in front of him.

"Lyss why don't you go out in the living room, I am sure Lily wants to see you," Mere said and immediately Lyss hopped off the chair and walked slowly to the living room. She spotted Lily sitting on the couch talking to Hayley and Paige.

"Hey guys," she said sitting down next to them.

"Lyss you're okay," Lily said. "One second you were passed out and on the couch and the next you were gone!"

"Sorry I was really tired, you can't imagine," Lyss said.

"It's okay," Lily said.

"Are you going shopping with us Lyss?" Hayley asked.

"Yes, why not?" Lyss said defensively.

"Well, we weren't sure if you were up to it," Paige told her.

"It's the first time in three weeks since I haven't had chemo for three days, I'm going," she said.

"Okay then," Lily said as the girls sat there in silence until breakfast. By that time Izzie, Alex, Ali, Dylan, and Michael came over. They ate breakfast and got ready to go out. Upstairs Lyss was having a dilemma.

"Mom, I can't find my wig," she said tearing her bed apart.

"Lyss calm down, can't you wear a scarf," Mere said helping her look.

"It's fine if the family sees it but I am going out in public letting everyone know I am bald," she protested.

"Fine, where did you put it last night," Mere asked.

"More like where did you put it," Lyss countered knowing that Mere had taken it off at some point because she didn't fall asleep with it on. At least she doesn't think she did.

"On your night table but it isn't there," Mere said looking underneath.

"Well then I can stay home alone because I am not going out like this," Lyss finalized. "But what I am doing is going to the bathroom." She ran toward the bathroom where she emptied the contents of her stomach as Mere rubbed her back.

"We'll find it, I will go downstairs" Mere said. Lyss followed her out but stopped. She heard laughing coming from Noah's room and by the sound of it Joey was there too. She opened up the door to come face to face with her wig placed on a 4 year old boys head.

"Noah," she laughed. "What are you doing?"

"I wanted to see what I looked like with long hair," he said dumbfounded by her question.

"Well let's just say you need to cut it," she said whisking it off his head. "Come on you two lets go downstairs we are leaving soon."

She walked out of his room and heard mere call up, "Lyss it's not down here!"

"Never mind," she called. "I found it!" She placed it neatly on her head, smoothed it down, and walked downstairs Noah and Joey trailing behind.

"Where did you find it," Liz asked.

"Oh, Hershey must have carried it to Noah's room, I found it in there," she lied.

"Okay then lets go," Nancy called. They started heading for the cars when Lyss stopped.

"WAIT!" she called and ran toward the bathroom derek following her because Mere was in the front unable to reach. She came back seconds later and they continued to pile in. As they drove to the mall they were hounded by traffic and in the parking lot there were not enough spaces. When they finally got in Lyss felt sick again and immediately realized it was a bad idea.

As the Shepherd clan plus Addie and Kevin, and the Karev's burst through the lines and into the stores Lyss slowly fell to the back. This caught Ali's attention.

"Lyss what's wrong," she asked.

"Bad idea," she said weakly. Why couldn't she ever be normal?

"Lyss you want me to tell your mom, my mom, or what?"

"No one, I will live." She picked up her pace leaving Ali alone in the back. All she wanted was her friend back. Lyss kept pace with Lily who was already pointing out stores, soon it would split into the men and the boys, and the women and the girls. As they reached the center of the mall Liz took charge.

"Meet back here at 4:00," she said looking at the boys with narrowed eyes. She knew they wouldn't shop, just go into the sports stores and wish that the girls will buy the item for them.

"Chill Mom," Derek said and turned to walk away fast trying to avoid the massive crowd of people. Liz shook her head along with Mere and Kathleen and the girls started.

"Where to first ladies?" Nancy asked. Most shrugged but others decided on Macy's. Again Lyss was in the back of the group. Her headache got worse as the aroma of the many scents in the store pounded into her head. It wasn't until they had gone to four stores and their arms filled with bags was when Lyss couldn't take it anymore.

At one point she wasn't even sure where her Mom was in their group. It wasn't until they were in Aeropostale when she actually found her. Lyss stumbled towards her, fell, and reached out towards her.

"Mom," she gasped out as she fell into her mothers arms.

"Lyss," Mere said surprised and caught her. "Baby are you okay?" Lyss was trying to catch her breath.

"Headache... tired," Lyss choked out and started crying.

"It's okay," Mere murmured and rubbed her back.

"I thought I could make it, I thought I could be normal!"

"Shhh, baby girl, it's okay, I will find Daddy and take you home."

"No," she said weakly.

"Mere what happened?" Izzie asked spotting them. She ran over followed by most of the girls.

"It was too much for her," Mere said.

"No it wasn't," Lyss said hoarsely not looking up.

"Lyss," Izzie sighed.

"I want to stay," she persisted.

"Lyss, not now, it's okay," Mere said.

"I want to stay," she said more forcefully. She looked up at her mother and stared, silently pleading. Mere saw the desperation in her eyes and gave in.

"Come on, let's sit on a bench outside then," Mere said giving up. Lyss nodded and let her mother help her out of the store. They were again faced with the busy mall and Lyss groaned.

"Maybe this was a bad idea," she said quietly.

"You want me to get your dad? Everyone else can stay here," Mere asked.

"No, if we leave everyone will leave and...... it's fine, we just need to find a bench." Mere nodded sadly and helped her daughter to an empty bench. There was only room for one person so Lyss sat on Mere's lap. Of course she didn't realize who she sat next to.

"Meredith?" a new voice said from next to her. Lyss took no notice, she had already drifted to sleep.

"Molly..... what are you doing in town?" she said surprised. Ever since she had excepted Lexie as a sister she had done the same with Molly. She was not as close to Molly as she was Lexie but they still considered each other family. The only one she still did not talk to was Thatcher. She hadn't seen her in almost a year. She had not been in contact with her either, she had just assumed Lexie had told her.

"We spent Thanksgiving with Eric's parents who live in town and surprisingly dad... um... Thatcher joined us. He, Laura, and Eric are around here somewhere," Molly said. Mere shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry but has Lexie told you?" Mere asked. Molly shook her head and looked at Lyss who was still in Mere's arms.

"Two months ago Lyss was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia, a type of cancer." Molly's hand went to her mouth.

"Why didn't you call?"

"I thought Lexie would have of course her and George are busy with the twins now."

"I'm so sorry Meredith."

"She's a fighter, it's stage 4 but she isn't giving up." Mere tried to make her voice sound confident but it wasn't working out too well.

"I think you're right, from what I remember last year at Christmas Lyss looked liked she was the last person to give up."

"Things change," Mere said quietly.

"Has..." Molly began but was cut off.

"Aunt Meredith!" another voice sounded. Mere looked up and saw 16 year old Laura coming over.

"Hey Laura," Mere said.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Laura, your cousin....." Mere started.

"What are you doing here?" a male voice said.

"Grandpa," Laura said sternly to Thatcher.

"I live in Seattle don't I," Mere said standing up lifting Lyss weak body on her hip letting her arms wrap around her neck.

"Mommy," she said groggily.

"Hey sweetie look who's here," she said ignoring Thatcher's look.

"Aunt Molly, Uncle Eric, Laura," she said happily. Mere put her down and on the bench. "Mom who's that?"

"No one," Mere said and tried to help her up but she fell back down.

"So you are going to keep me away from my granddaughter Meredith," Thatcher said accusingly.

"Granddaughter?" Lyss asked.

"Yes, I am you're mother's father," Thatcher said to her.

"So now you want to be my father," Mere said.

"I want to know my grandchild," Thatcher said. "I know I have Laura, Morgan, Taylor and Tyler but now I know I have 5."

"11," Lyss said.

"What?"

"I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters."

"Really," he said.

"That's enough!" Mere said. "Come on Lyss!" She helped her up.

"Meredith," Thatcher said.

"No!" she said. "I don't need your attention just because I can give you more grandchildren! What you did was unforgivable, blaming me for Susan's death, slapping me, abandoning me! I don't need you hanging around when Lyss here has cancer!" With that she turned around and back into the store.

"Cancer," he said quietly.

"Cancer," Laura and Eric echoed simultaneously.

"Yeah," Molly said and watched as Lyss, Mere, and everyone else went to find the guys.

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I am skipping to 10 days before Christmas and something really bad happens. I will tell you it has to do with her CNS (central nervous system). Don't worry it will be over soon, there is only maybe at least 15 more chapters left, we will see how it goes.

The more reviews the faster I update although sometimes/ most of the time I have ideas that I can't wait to write so I end up updating that day.

I want to do that 8 reviews for next chapter but I was criticized for it although many of the other author's do that too. Whatever but could I just please ask for at least 8 reviews this chapter :)

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	44. Chapter 44: Just What I Need

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :)

This is 10 days before Christmas and yeah well....... you will see.

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Lyss was laying in her bed. She wasn't feeling too good and she contemplated telling her parents who were home. Of course they had some alone time so she didn't want to ruin it. Lyss began thinking about the events that happened in the last month. She had found a grandfather she had never known, had gone through more chemo that has made her weaker and weaker, and to top it all off Thatcher was trying to visit them just making her mom angrier. She remembered when her mom had explained it to her when they got home from he mall.

_"Mom, why did you never tell me abut him?" she asked._

_"Because I didn't want him in your life, Lyss," Mere told her daughter._

_"But he is my grandfather," Lyss protested._

_"I don't consider it that way."_

_"Why not, I know that Ellis Grey wasn't the best mother in the world but didn't you have him?"_

_"No Lyss I didn't."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Thatcher abandoned me and my mother when I was around 5, just packed up and left. He was a drunk, still is a drunk, and couldn't take that my mother had an affair with Uncle Richard."_

_"She what?"_

_"Yes, she had an affair but then he dumped her to go back with Adele."_

_"He made a good choice, I love Aunt Adele."_

_"Me too."_

_"But then if they got a divorce why didn't he have custody or part custody of you? And what about Aunt Molly and Aunt Lexie, aren't they his daughters?"_

_"Yes, he is Lyss. And I didn't see my father for more then 20 years until I started my residency. He started his life over, forgot about me and my mom. We went to Boston but I returned to Seattle because she was in the nursing home. Anyway, he remarried to a woman named Susan. She was incredibly nice, you would have loved her. She is Lexie and Molly's mother."_

_"So they are only your half-sisters?"_

_"Yes, and when Molly was pregnant with Laura and Eric was overseas they came to Seattle Grace because of complications. I first met Susan then. I was on her case when Laura was born and didn't see them until my mother died and I almost died. They wanted to see if I was alright. I actually had dinner with them and we started talking me and Thatcher. Then Susan became what I called a 'fake mommy' and shopped for me, did my wash stuff like that when I still lived with Aunt Izzie and Uncle Alex in my mother's old house. Then Susan came in with persistent hiccups and we did a procedure to stop them. It got me and Thatcher actually being civilized. Well there was a complication and she needed emergency surgery and died on the table. I had to tell him and I was upset too. Then he smacked me in the face and blamed me." Lyss put her hand to her mouth stifling a gasp. She was mad at him now._

_"He even banned me from the funeral making me almost fail my intern test. He showed up once when he was drunk and told me he was proud of me, but he was drunk. And your Aunt Lexie informed me of that. Believe it or not we used to not be close, I used to hate her and envy her because Thatcher chose her over me."_

_"Really? You two are so close now."_

_"Really."_

_"I guess I understand now."_

He wanted to meet Lyss, get to know everyone. Lyss didn't understand why. He abandoned her mother and she had no desire to get to know him. She remembered a week ago. His first of many attempts, they were getting home from a check-up.

_"Meredith," Thatcher called. She ignored him and walked into the house. Lyss was still getting out of the car._

_"Alyssa?" he said._

_"What?" she asked harshly._

_"I just wanted to talk," he said._

_"About what, cancer, my mother, my life, the 13 years I spent never knowing you. If you really cared you would have made an attempt. My 16 year old sister Sophia doesn't even know you, neither do the twins Hayley and Paige, or Jake, Kelsey, or Noah. We were all just fine without you and now when I have cancer you show up. So what then you are the loving grandfather who holds me and says it will be all right, yeah well I already have people who do that. My mom, dad, Aunt Izzie, Uncle Alex, Aunt Lexie, Uncle George, Aunt Christina, Uncle Owen, Aunt Addie, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Mark, Aunt Bailey, and Uncle Richard. My family. You, you are not my family. Aunt Molly, Laura, and Uncle Eric are but not you."_

_"I just want to know you Lyss," he said._

_"It's Alyssa to you. You may as well know me as Alyssa Danielle Shepherd, formal enough for you. If you really wanted to know me you wouldn't have treated my mom like crap. Abandoned her, left her with Ellis Grey who was a horrible mother. Made a new family and didn't include her. Blamed her for your wife's death which I know really sucked but if you gave her the chance to explain instead of smacking her then you would get it through your thick head it wasn't her fault, it was no one's fault, just a freak accident. So you don't get to know me."_

_"I want to be in your family."_

_"It's too late for that!" She turned around and walked into her house leaving him stand alone in the driveway._

That was the last thing she remembered before she lost consciousness.

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"Derek, I am worried abut Lyss," Mere said.

"Why Mere, she is resting, that's a good thing," Derek said. "She has been through so much she deserves a break."

"Yeah she has had a lot of stress with the whole Thatcher thing but I am just worried. She looked a little paler then usual. Also a lot more foggy and groggy"

"Well if you are so worried about her check on her Mere," he said bending down to kiss her on the lips. Meredith thought about this for a second but decided against it.

"I think I could stay here for a while," Mere murmured settling in her arms letting out a sigh. They sat there for maybe 20 minutes and stared at each other. Derek was drifting off when Mere got up abruptly.

"Something's wrong," she said.

"What?" Derek asked.

"I don't know, I am going to check on Lyss, you stay down here, I will be back."

"Okay," he said laying back down on the couch. That's when Sophia came in with Hayley and Paige arms covered with bags.

"So what you get me," Derek teased. They rolled their eyes and brought them to the back room and closed the door. Derek laughed.

Upstairs Mere opened Lyss's door. She founded her huddled on her bed shaking.

"Lyss," Mere screeched. She ran over to her daughter and touched her arm, she was burning up.

"Mommy," Lyss said hoarsely.

"Shhh baby, we need to take you to the hospital."

"No."

"DEREK!" Mere called down. She gathered her in her arms.

"What happened?" Derek asked bursting through the door.

"She's burning up," Mere said, hoisting her up onto her hip before running down the stairs. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia stood at the bottom of the steps shocked at what they saw. Mere ran to the car while Derek grabbed the keys.

"Girls could you go and pick Kelsey up from Julie's, Jake and Noah up from Aunt Christina's and bring them to the hospital," he called to them running out the door.

"Of course," Sophia said grabbing her keys.

In the car Derek got into the driver's seat while Mere held Lyss in the back. Halfway there Derek called the hospital.

"Richard, it's Shepherd, we are coming in, Lyss spiked a fever, page her team, and get people down in the ER ready for her, she needs a lot of help... she's delirious," he said into the phone.

"Yes Derek... done," Richard said. Minutes later they arrived at the hospital. Derek burst through the ER doors, Lyss still shaking in his hands, Mere on his heels. Richard, Bailey, Izzie, Callie, Owen, Dr. Hanes the oncologist and several nurses standing by with a gurney. They wheeled her into an exam room and tried to get her fever down knowing that if they didn't bring it down soon it could end fatally.

Everyone began shuffling around the room hooking up Lyss to various machines and IV's. Her eyes eyes kept opening and closing terrified while she kept letting out a gasp every once in a while. As they were pumping her with antibiotics they took her temp.

"103.4," Bailey said. "Meredith how long was she like this?"

"I don't know," she gasped out of breath, her voice panicky. She was watching them frozen, while Derek was helping. "I went in her room around 15 minutes ago."

"When was the last time you checked on her?"

"An hour ago."

"So for all we know she could have been like this for an hour," Owen said.

"What's her BP?" Richard asked urgently.

"90/50," Dr. Hanes said after running over to check the machines. Derek ran his hand over Lyss's head gently, now realizing in the panic to leave the house they forgot a scarf or her wig.

"Da-Daddy," she whimpered and tossed back and forth on the gurney, scared.

"Shhh baby," Derek sighed. "You have to stay still. You have to let us help you okay. It's gonna be okay, just stay calm.

"I'm.... I'm scared," she whispered.

"Don't be scared sweetheart. Just stay still and let us work on you and everything will be fine, be my brave baby girl." That was the last thing he said before Richard finally pushed him away. Lyss's foggy eyes noticed her father's absence and she whimpered and started tossing and turning again.

"Daddy," she wailed, her eyes widening.

"Lyss, your daddy can't help, we have to. He's still here and so is your Mommy," Miranda reassured.

"Daddy," Lyss wailed again.

"I'm right here baby girl! Just stay calm, I'm right here," Derek reassured. There was an eerie silence except the urgent beeps of the monitor, Lyss's whimpers, and the shuffling of nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room. That's when Izzie turned to the monitor again.

"Shit," Izzie exclaimed. "Her temp is still rising." Meredith reached through the many hands surrounding Lyss and stroked her cheek gently.

"We need an ice bath," Callie said to one of the nurses who exited the room and came back a minute later with a tub.

"You sure," Mere asked.

"Yes," was all Izzie could say as they lifted Lyss out of the bed and stripped her of her clothes. Mere helped them lower her into the ice bath. Lyss started thrashing weakly as she was disoriented. She started coughing and sputtering in the water, getting half of the people tyring to hold her down into the tub soaked.

"Mommy," Lyss wailed. Mere bent down beside her.

"Lyss, sweetie calm down," she said placing a hand on her shoulder. "I am right here, we have to bring the fever down, it's almost over." Lyss struggles fizzled out and she laid there shivering, her eyes shut tightly. She was still hooked up to a machine and they watched her temp go down.

"There you go Lyss," Derek whispered. "All over." They lifted her out and helped her into a gown and placed her on the gurney where she lay shivering.

"She must be fighting off an infection for her fever to spike like that," Izzie commented.

"I want a CT and an MRI," Bailey ordered. "Let's make sure this doesn't happen again people." They started ordering interns and nurses around and eventually got Lyss up to a CT, MRI, and into a room. Meredith and Derek were waiting with her but went to get her some food and find everyone. Lyss was asleep when they left and when she woke up there was one person in the room.

"Uncle Mark," Lyss said weakly.

"Hey Lyss," he said. "So I heard my god-daughter gave us a little scare there."

"You heard correctly."

"So what you do this time?"

"Shut up," she said playfully smacking his arm as he sat beside her bed.

"That's no way to treat someone who saved you."

"You weren't even in the room."

"How do you know?" He smirked.

"I am not stupid although I had a fever I could see and hear fine and you were not seen or heard."

"Then spiritually."

"You know how stupid you sound right now," Lyss laughed.

"Shut up," he said playfully.

"That's no way to treat a patient," Lyss mocked.

"You're mocking me," Mark feigned hurt.

"So, I'm sick, and I know you are faking."

"Oh so now you want to be treated like a patient cause I remember the last time you were here you were practically screaming screw the world get me out of here."

"You are so annoying."

"That's my job."

"Well you should be fired."

"Hey who else can cheer you up when you're sick." Lyss smiled. "And you know you love me."

"Oh really," Lyss said.

"You better."

"Or what?" Mark stayed silent.

"So the famous Mark Sloan doesn't have a come back. Pinch me I must be dreaming," Lyss said dramatically putting her hand on her head. "Or dying, it's an historic moment, we should document it."

"You were always a drama queen," Mark said.

"That's my job," Lyss mocked Mark again.

"Now it's just cruel."

"Says who."

"Me."

"And you are the ruler of the world."

"Yes."

"And if I believed that I would be dumber than a post."

"You already are."

"Excuse me, I do not obsess over...."

"Hey, hey, hey. That's enough from you."

"Sex," Lyss finished.

"At least it's not my hair, your father puts so much product in that hair of his."

"I love my Daddy's hair," Lyss protested.

"And your probably a heath nut too."

"So......."

"Ha! Knew It!"

"Shut Up!" She punched him hard in the arm.

"Ouch, you pack a punch."

"Now when I beat this thing I will show you what I can really do," Lyss threatened showing him her fist.

"If I could break up this little squabble," Bailey said. Mark looked up surprised and fell back on the chair. Both he and Lyss had no clue how long they were all standing there. It wasn't only Miranda. It was her parents, Richard, Izzie, Alex, Cristina, Owen, Lexie, George, and Callie. Lyss laughed so hard.

"Nice, I couldn't even get him to do that and he can't say no to me," Lyss said to Bailey then to Mark. "The big Mark Sloan scared of someone, so intimidating."

"Watch it kid," Mark threatened.

"I am so scared."

"Lyss," Bailey sighed. Lyss turned to her.

"The CT scan showed that the cancer cells in your brain increased dramatically causing a brain tumor on your left frontal lobe. This is Dr. Hendricks, he will being doing the surgery since your parents can not. I know this is a lot....." Meredith came over to her bedside and stroked her face gently while Derek was on the other.

"Just what I need," she said the good mood she had vanished.

"I know sweetie," Mere said wiping her own tears. "I know." Derek stroked her face this time while Mere grabbed her hand.

"No," Lyss said quietly defeated.

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Next chapter is her surgery.

The more reviews the faster I update although sometimes/ most of the time I have ideas that I can't wait to write so I end up updating that day.

I would like at least 8 reviews for this chapter.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	45. Chapter 45: Charge Again

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :)

Pretty self explanatory........

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Alyssa was lying in her hospital bed thinking. When will this be over? Is this the end? Why did it have to happen to me? She needed surgery, brain surgery to remove a tumor that formed because now her stupid CNS has cancer too, or it does now. She was scared, but she wouldn't admit it. Scared that this may be the last time she saw her family and they saw her, The last time she would go into the hospital. The last time she couldn't do anything. It was so easy for her to flat line during surgery.

It was around 6 o'clock, Lyss didn't know why the nurses and doctors had to wake you up so early for stupid pre rounds, she already had breakfast in front of her because her surgery was not until 5. She was so annoyed, it smelled like crap, looked like crap, and made herself even less hungry then she already had been. As she moved the food around on her plate she heard someone open her door but she didn't really care.

"Are you gonna eat any of that?" a voice said, Lyss looked up.

"Aunt Lexie!" Lyss said happily. "I was afraid it was a nurse or something."

"It's just me, how are you feeling?" Lexie sat on the edge of her bed.

"You seriously just asked me that, come on, how am I supposed to feel when I am going to have my head cut open in less than 12 hours."

"Someone's a little cranky." Lexie laughed.

"Ha, ha! How would you feel if you had cancer and were really really tired and the stupid nurses kept checking on you and waking you up every freaking hour!"

"Point taken."

"And the food, how do people eat this stuff, even if I was hungry I wouldn't dare eat this crap. Even if I knew I wasn't going to throw it up an hour later I would even take a nibble." Lyss pushed the tray away from her face.

"It's not that bad."

"Fine then you eat it, cause I seriously ordered something that's not supposed to road kill!" Lexie laughed again.

"So I guess you don't want this," she said as she held up a bag of food. Lyss eyes widened.

"And what would that be?"

"Just a McDonald's Egg McMuffin and since I am allergic to eggs and you don't want any I guess I will just throw it......"

"You're gonna do what now?" Lexie laughed and put the food down on her tray.

"Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you."

"Your welcome." Lexie watched Lyss devour it hungrily.

"So I guess you are hungry."

"I guess because I haven't had chemo since Monday and it's Friday so I have some room without feeling nauseous."

"Then I guess it didn't go to waste." Lyss smiled slightly.

"So what are you doing for Christmas," Lyss asked.

"George, Morgan, Tyler, Taylor, and I are going to spend it with Molly, Eric, and Laura."

"Is Thatcher going to be there?"

"Yeah, I think so, your mother told me what happened."

"I'm sure he is really nice, but I love my family the way it is."

"Yeah, he's a great grandfather to my kids, but I understand, when I heard all the thing he did to your mom, I didn't speak to him for more than a year."

"He's your father Aunt Lexie."

"Yeah but he wasn't the best father my mother helped a lot though."

"Do you miss her?"

"Everyday."

"I'm sorry."

"It's been over 13 years and I can't stop thinking about her."

"She sounded really nice, I am sure I would love her."

"Oh if she was still around she would be apart of your family trust me."

"Aunt Lexie, do you think I can beat this?"

"Lyss there is no doubt in my mind, why would you ask such a thing?"

"It's just first I am diagnosed, then the whole isolation thing, and now a brain tumor, I don't even know if I can survive that. And then after it if I do, I will be even more tired, and I am just so tired already."

"You can do it Lyss, I know you can."

"I hope so."

"I know so."

"Where are my parents?"

"They went home for a little bit, they will be back soon."

"Okay." Lyss yawned.

"You know what, I have an idea, let me take your vitals and tell the nurses to buzz off for the next hour. Then you can get some rest."

"Thank you, that's why I love talking to you."

"No problem." Lexie took out her stethoscope.

"You know I guess it comes with having a family of doctors because I am getting used to being poked and prodded." Lexie laughed.

"All done, now get some rest."

"I will." Lyss closed her eyes and sighed. Why couldn't it just end now?

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"Derek?" Mere called. "DEREK!"

"What Mere?" Derek said from upstairs.

"We are going back to the hospital."

"Mommy, when can we visit Lyssa," Noah asked.

"That's what we are doing right now if your father would hurry up."

"I'll go get him."

"Noah no!"

"I'll get him," Kelsey said laughing.

"Sophia take your car, me and your dad are staying the night and then we will switch off the next night so one of us will be home."

"Okay mom, and don't worry we get you have to stay," Sophia said.

"Yeah," Hayley agreed.

"Good." She waited another minute and called again. "DEREK!"

"He's coming Mommy," Noah said dragging his father by the arm at the top of the stairs. Kelsey was giggling for behind as she pushed him.

"Guys, I am coming, stop pushing," Derek said laughing while ruffling Noah's dirty blonde hair. Kelsey pushed past him and ran down the stairs grabbing her coat while Noah still attempted to drag Derek. Instead Derek turned on him and picked him and and carried him the rest of the way.

"Daddy," he laughed.

"Come on, it's almost 1, she has probably been alone all day," Mere protested.

"Or sleeping," Derek said grabbing his coat and keys ushering them to the car. Ten minutes later they arrived at the hospital and went into Lyss's room. She was turned on her side slightly, her bald head showing, and fast asleep.

"You know Derek," Meredith said. "I think now I know about the tumor don't you see the distortion in the right half of her face." It was true, the right half of her face was dragging down further and was almost frozen.

"Yeah," he said. "Come on, let's not......"

"Lyssa," Noah called. He opened the door and jumped on her bed shaking her awake.

"Noah," Mere said sharply.

"Noah," Lyss groaned. "I'm in here because I am sick and when I am sick I need rest."

"But I don't want you to be sick anymore Lyssa."

"I know buddy me either but I am right now but doctors like Mommy and Daddy are going to fix me." He wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Hey Lyss," Derek said.

"Hey Daddy. Hey guys."

"So how...." Mere began.

"Please don't say how are you feeling, I have been asked that enough today."

"You're a patient, what do you expect?" Jake teased.

"Shut up." Mere came over to Lyss's bed and kissed her head.

"Noah get off of the bed and let your sister rest," Derek scolded. Noah was bouncing up and down shaking the bed.

"No Daddy, it's fine, someone deserves to be happy amongst all this gloom."

"So Lyss how did you rest?" Mere asked.

"How did I rest, I don't think I did. Every hour a freaking nurse checks up on me and sticks a stupid cold stethoscope to my chest or takes blood from my port. Like they can't check it not in the middle of the night. I seriously only got like an hour of sleep between 6 and 7 when Aunt Lexie visited me with food and gave me a break and took my vitals telling the nurses to lay off me for an hour. And then exactly an hour later I hear 'Miss Shepherd time to wake up and check your vitals' in my ear. It is crazy." Kelsey laughed at Lyss's little tirade from where she was sitting next to the bed. Lyss slapped her playfully.

"They are just doing their job," Derek said laughing. As if on cue Olivia walked into the room. At least it was Olivia, she liked Olivia. She was the nurse who gave her all the Seattle Grace gossip especially the things Meredith and Derek didn't want her to hear. The nurse that when Meredith or Derek would ask her if she could take Lyss to day care when she was three would let her sit on the nurses station and talk. Olivia was the nurse who called her Lyss, not Alyssa or Miss Shepherd. Of course she had to wait until now to be her nurse.

"Dr. Shepherd, oh and Dr. Shepherd, sorry," she mumbled as they turned to look at her.

"It's okay Olivia, we don't need anymore nurses, we are staying here the rest of the night," Derek said smiling.

"Oh, okay, goodbye, see you later Lyss," she said walking out of the room.

"You let her call you Lyss?" Mere said surprised. That was the name reserved for her family and friends.

"I like Olivia, she's nice, when you guys would leave her with me when I was younger we would talk."

"Whatever," Hayley said. "Where's the good food around here?"

"Cafeteria?" Paige said.

"Obviously you guys don't know anything about this hospital," Lyss laughed.

"Why's that?" Sophia said.

"The good food is in the vending machine in the tunnels, or the coffee cart near the elevator."

"Mom, Dad, money?" Sophia said. Derek rolled his eyes and took out his wallet and handed her a twenty.

"Thank you," Paige said snatching from her and smiling. Lyss laughed.

"How did you know all that Lyss?" Mere said surprised as she watched Kelsey hurry to catch up with Sophia, the twins, and Jake.

"Aunt Christina, Aunt Lexie, Aunt Callie, Aunt Izzie, Uncle Alex, and Uncle Mark sneak me out of my room so many times when I am sick and go various places, or get me food, or when you used to drop me off with them."

"Figures," Derek rolled his eyes. The girls came back to get Noah when they found the tunnels and apparently raided the snack machine. Lyss nodded off for a little bit as Derek and Meredith took their usual place on each side of her and watched her sleep. Mere took her hand in hers and stroked it. An hour later Lyss woke up.

"Mommy, Daddy?"

"We're here baby," Derek said.

"I'm, I'm," she stuttered, tears welling up now that they were alone.

"You're what Lyss?" Mere asked stroking the back of her hand.

"I'm scared," she blurted out and started sobbing.

"Shhh, baby, it's okay," Derek said. Mere hugged her tightly.

"It's never easy but we see people survive through brain tumors worse than yours," Mere said trying to calm her down.

"But how many of them died on the table too," Lyss cried.

"Shhh, let's not think about that," Derek said. His throat felt tight at the thought of that and he even mentioning it.

"It's just, I am so tired already and... I don't know if I can survive the cancer, let alone the tumor... it isn't fair... it's..." she trailed off.

"It's what baby girl?" Meredith asked warily. Lyss didn't respond as she started shaking violently in Mere's arms her heart pace quickening. The heart monitor began blaring.

"Derek, she's seizing," Mere cried as she let her go. Derek immediately stood up but froze, it was on his own daughter and his mind went blank.

"Derek, do something," Mere wailed staring in shock unable to move. Nurses began flooding her room.

"Dr. Shepherd what do you want us to do?" one of them asked.

"Uh.... uhh...." Derek stuttered still staring fearfully at his daughter when an eerie beep filled the room.

"Call a code," one nurse said hitting the button. That's when Meredith snapped out of her trance and stepped forward as the crash cart was rushed into the room Bailey, Izzie, and Richard following it.

"Paddles," Mere said as it was brought up next to her.

"Meredith," Richard protested.

"Paddles," she said forcefully as she was handed them finally. "Charge to 200." She pressed the paddles to her daughter's chest. "Clear." Lyss's body jerked up.

"Still no change," Olivia said.

"Charge to 250," Mere said. "Clear." Mere pressed the paddles to her daughter's chest as it jerked up.

"Still no change," she said as Mere looked at the heart monitor.

"Charge to 350," Mere said. "Clear." Again she pressed it to her daughter's chest.

"Dr. Shepherd still no change," Olivia said.

"Charge to 375," Mere ordered.

"Meredith," Izzie said her tears welling up and looking at Meredith's tears falling down her face.

"Charge again," she sobbed. As they did so she said, "Clear." Mere pressed the paddles to her chest once more and her heart began beating again. Derek stood where he was the tears still running down his face as the nurses began to fuss around Lyss. Bailey walked over to him and guided him to a chair in the corner.

Mere on the other hand let out a gasp and started shaking. Her sobs shook her whole body as she collapsed to the floor.

"Meredith," Izzie and Richard exclaimed. Izzie ran forward and held her tightly as she sobbed.

"I almost lost her Iz, I can't lose her."

"I know, it's okay, you didn't lose her, she is still here, it's okay Mere," she soothed. Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, kelsey, and Noah came into the room.

"Mommy," Noah cried. Sophia's eyes widened as she saw the scene in front of her. Immediately she picked up Noah and ran out of the room trying to calm him his screams heard from down the hall.

"Uncle Richard, what happened?" Paige asked.

"Paige, your sister had a seizure and we lost her for a little bit."

"No," Kelsey cried and ran out.

"We'll get her," Hayley said and ran out of the room with Paige after Kelsey. Jake stood there for a moment tears in his eyes.

"Hey bud, it's okay, she is fine for now," Richard said to his god-son. Jake nodded and let Richard lead him out of the room. Alex came bursting in with Christina. They had heard the announcement on the intercom and came rushing to the room.

"What happened?" he exclaimed.

"She had a seizure, we lost her for a little, Meredith ran the code," Bailey said dully.

"Oh Mere," Christina said and bent down beside Mere opposite of Izzie. Alex went over to Derek, over the years he had become one of his best friends being a groomsman at his wedding and vice versa.

"Hey man," he said putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Alex I froze, I couldn't do anything."

"I would have done the same thing if it was Dylan, Ali, or Michael," Alex said.

"I am a neurosurgeon, I should be able to help her. I let Mere handle it all by herself."

"It's okay, she's okay now."

"I know." Derek got up and walked over to Mere. He scooped her up and put her down gathering her into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry Mere," he said.

"It's okay." They turned their attention to Lyss, her eyes were slowly opening. Her breaths coming in a gasps, not realizing that she had been dead, maybe only for a few seconds but she was dead.

"Hey baby," Derek said wiping away his tears and stroking her face gently.

"Daddy, Mommy what happened?" she whispered. Her eyes darted around the room, scared. She saw most of her family there and knew it had to be bad.

"You had a seizure sweetie," Mere said still crying, she decided against scaring her more with telling her about her flat line

"Oh," Lyss whimpered.

"It's okay," Derek sighed.

"I hate to break this up," Dr. Hendricks said. "But it's more urgent now, the surgery needs to begin soon." He smiled apologetically. Lyss nodded sadly. She was prepped and again even after going through it with her three times, the place where family wasn't allowed was just as heart breaking for all of them.

"We'll see you when you wake up baby," Mere said even though she knew there was a stronger chance than before of not seeing her again.

"We will be right there," Derek promised. Lyss nodded, biting her lip to try and stall the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

"I love you Mommy, I love you Daddy." Lyss was crying as she wrapped her arms around their necks and hugged them tightly.

"We love you too," Meredith said letting her tears run freely, Derek as well.

"Tell everyone else I love them too," she said quietly.

"We will," Derek promised.

"It's time to go," a nurse said a Derek nodded. But Mere hugged Lyss one more time.

"I love you so much Lyss, you kick this tumor's ass," she whispered in her ear.

"Me too, and I will," Lyss said back and let go of her mother. She looked back at them as she watched the resident at her side push her to the OR. This time it was different, this time she knew no one in the OR. She knew them, but not personally. For her appendix, her Mom was allowed to stay there until she fell asleep. Her Aunt Callie fixed her arm. Now, it was just her.

She stayed silent as they transferred her to the cold OR table, and when she shivered, a few scrub nurses gave her sympathetic looks.

"Here you go," one nurse said as they put the surgical blanket on her. "Warmer?"

"I was fine," Lyss muttered coldly. "This isn't my first time in surgery... I survived fine when I was 6 and needed my appendix out." The nurse stepped back a little.

"I'm sorry... you just seemed a little nervous," the nurse said.

"The only reason I am nervous is because none of my family is in here... and I can't have the world class neurosurgeon operating on me," Lyss told her.

"Why isn't Dr. Shepherd her surgeon?" the nurse, obviously new, asked another.

"Because he is my father," Lyss informed her and stared at the ceiling again. The nurse said nothing more.

****

"Okay, you ready Alyssa," Dr. Hendricks said happily, entering the OR room. Lyss nodded. "Are you okay?"

"I have a tumor in my brain and I have AML," Lyss stated.

"And I am going to help get rid of one of them," he said. Lyss sighed as her eyes closed. At least he was optimistic.

****

Back outside the OR Meredith and Derek were the only ones lefts standing there. Out of the blue, Mere turned around and ran toward the elevator.

"Meredith, Meredith come back," Derek called. He tried and failed to catch up to her, he ran up the stairs trying to intercept her. When he got up there, he saw the gallery door to OR 2 close quickly.

"Meredith!" he called again and ran in the direction of the gallery. He new OR 2 was where Lyss's surgery was taking place. He opened the door and found her standing in the back with a blank look on her face.

"Mere, Mere, you can't be in here," he said. She didn't answer him just stared at Lyss's brain that was now open on the table.

"He, he..... you should be doing it Derek, you're better then him," she whispered not taking her eyes off the surgery.

"Mere, it's okay, he is doing everything flawlessly," Derek said calming her.

"He is going to kill her," Mere said the tears were still running down her face.

"No he won't Mere, baby it will be all right, Lyss will be alright, but Mere we shouldn't be in here," Derek said trying to lead her out. That was when Mark, Izzie, and Alex came in.

"What are you guys doing here?" Izzie asked surprised. Mere didn't answer she just stared forward and watched the surgery.

"Mere," Alex said.

"She won't leave," Derek told them. Mere stared forward blankly. The tears started running down her face faster.

"Derek," she cried out.

"Mere, Mere, Mere I'm here," he said. "Shhh, it's okay." Mere turned into his chest and grabbed him tightly and sobbed.

"I'm scared Derek!"

"Shhh, I know, but this isn't the place." Derek tried to guide her out.

"I can't move Derek," she whispered. He bent down and scooped her up in his arms.

"Give us updates please," he begged. The three of them nodded and turned back to the surgery. Derek walked out with Mere in his arms, she cried heavily on his shoulder. Luckily Sophia took everyone home so he took her to an on call room.

"I love you Derek," Mere said drifting off.

"I love you too Mere." She fell asleep and he carried her back to Lyss's room and they fell asleep together on a chair. Six hours later they wheeled Lyss into the room, Izzie came over to them.

"Meredith, Derek, wake up," she said quietly and nudged them.

"What, huh, is Lyss okay," Mere mumbled but quickly woke up.

"She's fine, she's right here," Izzie said. Meredith jumped up waking Derek and ran to her bed side. She pulled up a chair and took her hand in hers. She had a large bandage wrapped around her head and she was still intubated. Derek came around to the other side.

"Hey Lyss," Mere whispered. "Come on, wake up baby girl, we are right here like we said."

"Mere you know it takes a while for the body to recover after brain surgery," Derek reminded her.

"I know." Derek now turned to Izzie.

"So... how did it go?" he asked.

"Dr. Hendricks got the tumor out... but there was some bleeding," Izzie admitted. Derek's eyes widened and he stood up abruptly.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice tight.

"She flat lined, she was down for about 2 minutes before they stopped the bleeding and managed to revive her," she sighed.

"So..." Derek whispered. "There is a slight chance that she won't wake up."

"Everything else went flawlessly Derek, don't worry," Izzie reassured and left the room.

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Lyss was so tired. She wanted to wake up but she didn't feel up to it. But then she heard her parents voice, and Sophia, and Noah's, and everyone's. Lyss let out a slight groan. Her throat was dry, and her head hurt so badly. She survived and she was happy about that. Derek and Meredith's attention immediately snapped back to her.

"Lyss," she heard Meredith say. A little louder this time, Lyss groaned.

"Baby girl," Derek whispered. "Come on, show us those eyes..." With a lot of effort, Lyss's eyes slowly fluttered open but there was something down her throat and she couldn't talk. She started heaving up and down choking and coughing.

"Lyss, Lyss calm down," Derek said. "Your still intubated, they didn't want to take it out." They wouldn't tell her why.

"Come on baby calm down," Mere soothed stoking her face. Lyss nodded weakly.

"Just rest baby," Derek said.

"You had surgery yesterday," Mere reminded. Yesterday, it was already yesterday. Mere saw Lyss's confusion and kissed her forehead gently.

"Hey Lyss," Sophia said and was echoed by Hayley and Paige. Jake and Kels smiled and Noah hung back afraid. Lyss moved slightly and motioned for him to come over and he slowly obliged. She stroked his face with her hand and ruffled his hair.

"Hey Lyssa," he said quietly. Mere kissed his head.

"Hello Alyssa," Dr. Hendricks called coming into her room, Lyss winced. Her head hurt too much for him to talk that loud. "And hello Shepherd Clan." Sophia rolled her eyes and Lyss wanted to laugh but the tube in her mouth prevented her from doing it. She pointed to it weakly at it as Dr. Hendricks picked up her chart.

"I'm sorry we kept that in longer, we didn't think you would be awake yet," he apologized. He called Olivia in and together they helped take the tube out. Lyss started coughing and opening her mouth trying to speak.

"Don't try to speak yet," Mere said. Dr. Hendricks left the room and left them to talk.

"Water," Lyss eventually choked out.

"Coming right away," Derek said, a little too loud.

"Ow," she murmured. Derek turned back.

"What hurts baby?" Mere asked.

"Head," she choked out. Meredith sighed and kissed it again, gently. Derek handed Mere the water and she helped Lyss drink it. Lyss opened her mouth again.

"Mommy," she said hoarsely.

"What baby?" she asked.

"How did it go, don't lie," she said.

"It went fine, you flat lined once but they brought you back." Lyss closed her eyes tightly and sighed.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

"At least a week maybe more," Derek said.

"Christmas?"

"You'll have to spend it here sweetie," Mere said sadly.

"What about a tree and traditions like Christmas Vacation, we aren't going to New York or Connecticut with Nana."

"We can't do it this year baby, I am so sorry," Derek told her gently.

"No," Lyss protested starting to cry.

"It's okay Lyss," Derek said trying to sound convincing. "We can get a fake tree here and decorate it, and do everything here. Cookies, hot chocolate, Twas the Night Before Christmas, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, open presents, everything."

"It's not the same, I want a real tree," Lyss cried. She knew they weren't allowed here.

"I know it's okay, Lyss," Mere cried. "It's okay, it's okay."

"I love you," Lyss whispered.

"I love you too Lyss," Mere told her cradling her in her arms slowly rocking her back and forth. "I love you too." She kissed her forehead gently as she was lulled to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Next chapter is Christmas and her recovery, how happy do you think she is that she has to spend it in the hospital. What are they going to do?

The more reviews the faster I update although sometimes/ most of the time I have ideas that I can't wait to write so I end up updating that day.

I would like at least 8 reviews for this chapter.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	46. Chapter 46: It's Perfect

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :)

Christmas in a hospital, how do you think that will work out.

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Lyss's eyes opened slowly. It was Christmas Eve. She had a pretty nice room because it was like she was a VIP patient. Her own bathroom, a window overlooking Seattle, and lots of space, she needed it. There was maybe 7 or more chairs scattered throughout and were probably used everyday. Her friends, teachers, and family would visit constantly throughout the day, only when she woke up in the morning was usually the only time she was alone because as soon as someone visited her, it was a frenzy from then on.

Lyss laughed as she looked around it. In the corner a medium sized artificial tree stood wrapped in many colored lights and ornaments, some that looked hand made by Noah, or others. There were fake poinsettia plants on the floor and next to her bed and a wreath on her door. As if that wasn't enough flowers from many of the nurses and friends were scattered throughout the place with get well cards and christmas cards. Lyss shook her head at the memory when she woke up to it.

_It was four days after her surgery, her bandage was finally taken off and Lyss was sleeping peacefully. She didn't even notice the hushed footsteps that shuffled around her. As soon as they stopped and Lyss woke up. As her eyes fluttered open she came face to face with Noah. She let out a scream her chest heaving. A large eruption of laughter came from behind. When her vision cleared she saw her entire family in the room and halls smiles on their faces._

_"WHAT THE HECK!" she screamed at them just making the laugh harder. Thats when she took in her new surroundings. There was a tree standing in the corner, a wreath, and poinsettias._

_"We decowated you're room Lyssa," Noah said tugging on her arm._

_"I see that, but why must you all be crammed in my room and wake me up. As if you didn't realize I am a patient in this hospital and this is a place where we can rest because I seem to remember that I had brain surgery not so long ago." She put her pillow over her face and laid back down willing them to leave. She had to spend Christmas in here and she really didn't feel like celebrating that at the moment._

_"Oh come on," Mark said walking up to her bed and taking the pillow._

_"Hey," she whined. She sat up in bed and crossed her arms angrily. "Give it back."_

_"Nope," he said and threw it into the hallway._

_"I do have legs you know, I can very easily walk over there and get it." _

_"Someone's definitely a little cranky," Izzie said._

_"Yes," Lyss said. "Not that I don't love you all, but why must I be awake at the moment. I was having a really good dream and it involved me not having cancer and not having to spend Christmas IN THE HOSPITAL! I would really enjoy to get back to it."_

_"Sorry you're stuck with us now," Alex said._

_"That's what you think," Lyss smirked. She pulled the covers over her head and slammed back on her bed despite not having a pillow. Mark smirked and walked back over. Mere rolled her eyes and watched what he would do to her daughter. As fast as lightning he pulled the covers off and began tickling her. Lyss started squirming and let out a squeal._

_"No..... no Uncle Mark.... STOP IT!" she laughed and tried to glare at him._

_"Okay," Mark smirked and picked her up quickly. Her eyes widened.  
_

_"PUT ME DOWN NOW!" she screeched._

_"Nope," Mark replied simply. Everyone around them started laughing again._

_"Mom, Dad," Lyss screeched hoping to find refuge._

_"Sorry baby, you have to get out of this one yourself," Derek said unable to control his laughter a he watched Lyss wiggle in this grasp as Mark twirled her and did anything possible to get her annoyed._

_"Fine," Lyss said pounding on his chest. "I am awake, LET ME GO!" Mark smiled and dropped her on the bed. Everyone else was still laughing. There was an obvious bond between the two of them that reached further then anyone else's and they all knew it._

_"GENTLY!" she screamed._

_"You said let me go," Mark teased._

_"Whatever," she said glaring at him. "By the way, who was in charge of all this?" She motioned to the decorations._

_"Izzie," George said._

_"Figures, I am surprised she stopped here, I would have imagined her turning this place into Santa's freakin' village."_

_"Who told you about that," Izzie asked remembering their first year as interns._

_"My mom," she said._

_"Mere," Izzie gasped._

_"She was bored one day, I think the first day after chemo. We were laying on the couch together and she asked for me to tell her about our residency because she never heard the whole story."_

_"Now I know everything from the first day," she looked at her dad and everyone laughed. "To LVAD wire, to drowning in the bay."_

While she was in her thought the door opened.

"Merry Christmas!" a new voice said. She looked over and it was Izzie.

"Aunt Izzie, it's only Christmas Eve," Lyss said.

"Still Christmas Lyss," she said as Lyss rolled her eyes.

"Still cranky?"

"No I enjoy spending Christmas in the hospital when I could be in Connecticut or New York. I still don't know why my Grandmother still has that house in New York anyway, she never goes there anymore now that my Dad lives here. Only my Aunt Emma lives there, everyone else lives in Connecticut."

"Rambling Lyss," Izzie said amused.

"Apparently it comes with the Grey gene. my Aunt Lexie does it, and my mom."

"You're mom does it more, of course you do look just like her when she was this age, I have seen pictures."

"No, three months ago when i had the whole black clothing thing and blue streaks in the hair thing going on i probably looked more like her."

"True." Lyss laughed.

"So how did my mom explain to Noah that 'Santa' will bring all my presents to the hospital."

"Oh trust me, he wrote a letter already."

"Do you know when I am getting out of this place?"

"No, I do know that the oncologist wants to start chemo while you are still here."

"So my hair is probably not going to be able to grow at all before I resume treatment?"

"Afraid not."

"Then hello wig," Lyss said reaching over and placing the wig on her head. Izzie laughed as she took a hair tie and tied her hair back.

"You serious Lyss," Izzie laughed, Lyss nodded and laughed.

"Even with a wig the hair is still up. No exceptions." Izzie shook her head and sat on the edge of her bed.

"You do realize that you are not going to be left alone at all today," Izzie said.

"Unfortunately," Lyss smirked. "It comes with having parents who work in the hospital and knowing pretty much everyone."

"It never gets easier being a patient."

"Never," Lyss agreed. "So what are you doing this Christmas?"

"Well you know me and your Uncle Alex don't talk to our parents very much but Hannah is going to spend some time with me."

"That's great Aunt Izzie, how old is she again?"

"Just turned 25."

"What else?"

"With you."

"You don't have to."

"Your part of my family too."

"My Seattle family." She never really liked to think that everyone wasn't really related to her because it didn't really seem that way.

"Yes," Izzie said happily.

"Merry Christmas!" Lexie said walking into the room.

"What I tell you Lyss," Izzie said and Lyss started laughing.

"Something that I am missing?" Lexie said.

"Nothing Aunt Lexie, we were just saying how I am probably never going to be alone today," Lyss said.

"You're loved in this hospital Lyss," Lexie said.

"Yes because my father's head of neuro and my mother's right behind him."

"You're too smart for your own good you know that," Izzie said as Lexie hugged Lyss.

"That's why you all love me," Lyss smiled.

"Of course," Lexie said laughing.

"God, I can't believe I have to spend my holiday in the stupid place!" Lyss whined and pouted.

"But you are surrounded by us," Izzie said. Lyss rolled her eyes.

"But tradition does not involve this." She motioned around the room.

"What happened to the girl who said screw everything why can't we change it up for once?" Lexie asked.

"I guess I never really knew how much I loved tradition. Baking cookies with my mom and then buying them when we almost burn the house down. Watching Christmas Vacation in the family room. Reading Twas the Night Before Christmas, or even being in Connecticut with the overprotective snooping family. Plus changing it up didn't mean the hospital."

"Definitely being a scrooge," Lexie teased.

"A Scrooge, seriously!"

"Merry Christmas!" Callie said walking into her room. Lyss smiled but rolled her eyes.

"It's only Christmas Eve Day," Lyss said.

"Someone's feeling better," Callie laughed.

"I haven't had chemo in almost two weeks, I am feeling much better, well except from the fact that I had brain surgery a few days ago."

"Well then you won't be tired," Callie said. "We have lots of things planned."

"Oh great!" Lyss sighed. She laid back down and pulled the covers over her head.

"Don't make us get Mark in here," Izzie threatened jokingly.

"I am not scared of him, got get him, see if I care," Lyss groaned.

"Or we can just get everyone in here," Lexie suggested. Theywatched as the covers shifted a little.

"And you are pretty light Lyss, I am sure I can pick you up too, heck if you're mom can pick you up I definitely can," Izzie said. They started to see the top of her wig.

"And there's always me," Callie said. Immediately Lyss pulled the covers off of her head.

"Happy," Lyss pouted.

"Are you people torturing my daughter at 8 in the morning," Mere said coming into the room.

"Mom thank god it's you," Lyss said happily.

"Yeah, you're father has work today so he is stopping in every few hours and I am here all day and everyone else is coming at 2," Mere said.

"Fun," Lyss said sarcastically.

"It's Christmas Eve Lyss," Mere said.

"Correction, Christmas Eve Day and I would rather not be spending it here," Lyss said.

"She's been telling everyone that Mere," Izzie said.

"It's just I am feeling better then I have been in months and somehow I am still stuck in this hospital," Lyss whined.

"Don't worry it will get better," Mere said.

"And you have been telling me that for how long," Lyss teased. Mere walked over and kissed her forehead gently as Izzie, Lexie, and Callie left. Mere and Lyss had maybe five minutes together when Derek came bursting through the door Mark behind him.

"So how my favorite little patient," Derek said smiling. He would never let her forget that since the whole brain tumor brain surgery thing she was evidently his patient since it was no longer surgical.

"Tired and annoyed," Lyss growled.

"Someone's still grumpy," Mark teased walking over to the tree.

"Shut Up," Lyss hissed.

"How are you baby," Derek asked again not liking her response and kissed her forehead a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Great except the fact that I am in the hospital on Christmas Eve Day."

"Christmas Eve Day," Mark questioned.

"She refuses to admit it is Christmas or close to it," Mere informed him. That's when Mark's pager went off.

"Look's like a burn victim," Mark said happily Lyss rolling her eyes. "Don't kill any of the nurses, doctors, or your parents." He kissed her on the forehead and ran out avoiding her retaliation.

"He does love torturing you doesn't he," Derek laughed.

"It's his job remember," Lyss said. "So what are we doing today, well I know what I am doing today, sitting here."

"We are spending the day with you and hopefully not too many surgeries for your dad," Mere told her.

"I thought Christmas was the season for brain surgeons," Lyss informed her although she knew her mother knew it all too well.

"It is, we'll make a doctor out of you yet," Derek said.

"You know I already want to be a surgeon Daddy."

"We know," Mere said. Derek's pager went off.

"Sorry Lyss, I have to go," he told her.

"I know."

"I'll be back," Derek said and kissed her and Mere goodbye.

"One question Mom, am I allowed to get up yet?" Lyss said. They had not allowed her to go anywhere without a wheelchair, although it's been a week it's the whole 'you're a patient' or 'you have cancer' as if she was not painfully aware of both.

"I don't know?" Mere said a knowing glint in her eye.

"Oh what did you guys do, or what the heck are you planning?"

"Uh Nothing, nothing at all, what makes you think we are doing anything Lyss."

"Rambling."

"You do it too."

"It's your fault, no one else in the family rambles except me, am I the only one with a Grey gene."

"Well Noah and Kels have blond hair," Mere informed her. "And Paige has green eyes."

"Yes but Kels and Noah have bright blue eyes like Dad, Kels has curly blond hair, Noah's has a hint of it too, and Paige has dark hair. I am the only one with blond straight hair, and green eyes. A little version of you or as Aunt Christina like to call me 'Mini-Mere'"

"I thought she called you half pint," Mere giggled knowing how much she hated the nicknames but how much she loved Christina.

"That too," Lyss said. "And she only calls me that because I am short... so I blame you for that too...." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You're Aunt's and Uncle's love you Lyss," Mere told her.

"I always like to think that I am their favorite. Well at least with Uncle Mark."

"Mark, that's a definite. You're like the daughter he never had. He has Nate but you are his only goddaughter. I still remember the day you were born."

"Tell me about it, I am so bored."

"Sure." Mere sat down on the bed. "You were the only baby we didn't know the sex of before you came out. It was the only time Izzie perfected hiding from us. Well you were one and a half months early so I think I held you for a second after you were born until Izzie rushed you off to the NICU. Somehow everything was developed even your lungs so maybe an hour later I got you back. I held you and you're Dad started firing off random names."

"What were they?" Lyss asked.

"Candace, Krystal, Hope, and Danielle," Mere said as Lyss made faces.

"What did you do?"

"I just kind of said, does you're daughter look like a... and said no to every one."

"How did you come up with Alyssa?"

"I don't know, I just looked at you and somehow I knew. We had seen the name in baby books and considered it but when I held you in my arms, you were Alyssa."

"And then Daddy got Danielle for my middle name."

"Yeah he weaseled that in."

"What about Uncle Mark as my godfather?"

"Me and you're dad discussed it and weren't sure because.... well.... you know his rep. But when your Uncle Richard asked and since we were waiting for a boy for him Mark looked like he knew we would never pick him. So I looked at your father and we had already decided you're Aunt Addie and we just knew. His face was so shocked and when he got to hold you, he just lit up. I have never seen him like that only when Nate was born. But you were sleeping in everyone else's arms and when it came to Mark you're little eyes opened and you smiled at him."

"No wonder we are so close....." Lyss started but was interrupted by George and Alex coming in.

"Merry Christmas!" they said happily.

"It's only Christmas Eve Day," Lyss pouted.

"Oh god," Alex joked.

"How can you guys be so happy when I am sitting here bored out of my mind and pissed."

"Because it's Christmas," George said.

"Yeah well you are used to Christmas in the hospital, not me. I would enjoy just going down to the east coast with the Shepherd's thank you very much," Lyss informed them. The door opened to announce the new arrivals of Christina, Owen, Izzie, and Lexie. They all talked around Lyss who was inwardly screaming and wishing they would give her a few moments rest.

"You're not even talking to me right now," Lyss pointed out and they all turned to her. "Why can't you just leave." Everyone in there only smirked and began talking her.

"What are you fools doing in here," a new voice said.

"There are some patients that need surgery," another voice said. When the door opened fully it revealed Richard and Miranda.

"Ooh, you are all in trouble," Lyss joked at them.

"We knew exactly where you all would be, Alyssa Shepherd you may be a patient in this hospital but that does not mean taking up all our doctors time," Miranda scolded.

"Why do you blame me, I would be perfectly happy to sleep through today and tomorrow," Lyss complained, pouted, and crossed her hands over her chest while glaring at her visitors. Everyone laughed.

"For one, that's not going to happen," Richard said. "And two, they are in your room therefore......"

"Like I want to have cancer," Lyss said. "Can I seriously get some rest please."

"You heard the girl," Bailey growled. "If you do not have the last name Shepherd get out." She stood there as they all said goodbye to Lyss and promised to visit her later.

"There you go Lyss, peace," Bailey said.

"Thanks, but that is only until my brothers and sisters come."

"Can't help you there, rest, get better, and don't steal the doctors of this hospital. And tell that empty brain father of your to not come in here for more then five minutes until his shift is over or he can answer to me," Bailey said making Lyss laugh.

"Will do," Lyss told her, she nodded and walked out.

"Do you think Daddy will listen," she asked Mere.

"He might, when I was an intern she protected me from him when he was being stupid and broke my heart."

"And now he is your knight and shining whatever," Lyss said yawning.

"Yes he is, get some rest, I will leave for now, catch up on some paperwork in your father's office."

"I thought it was your office too."

"Well your father likes to think that, why do you think he got my name on it too?"

"Because he is corny," Lyss said.

"Yes, he is." Lyss laughed. "Okay, I will have my pager, tell a nurse to page me if you need me okay."

"I know Mom, and I will."

"Love you, sleep, and I will let you know that is is Christmas Eve Day and you can't avoid you're family forever." Mere kissed her head as she started to drift off.

"A girl can try can't she." Mere took her wig off and left the hospital room. A few hours later Lyss woke up to a full room, well at least full with her Mom, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, and of course Noah closest to her bed.

"Lyssa, Mewy Chwistmas!" Noah squealed and ran toward her bed.

"Hey Noah," Lyss said tiredly.

"Lyssa, it's Christmas Eve, Santa is coming tonight," he babbled excitedly.

"I know Noah," Lyss said looking at Mere.

"Lyssa if you're in the hospital how is Santa going to give you you're pwesents?" he asked his big blue eyes wide.

"Well he will bring them here and put them under my tree," Lyss told him reaching down to help him onto the bed.

"I don't want to open pwesents without you Lyssa," he said his eyes tearing up.

"Sweetie," Mere said. "We are bringing all our presents here and opening them in her room."

"Really," he said.

"Really," Lyss said. "Now give me a hug buddy." He wrapped his arms around her tightly and squeezed.

"Lyssa I miss you," he cried as Izzie, Mark, Alex, Lexie, and Derek were sneaking into the room. "I want you to come home!"

"Shhh, Noah, Shhh, it's okay, I will be home soon, I promise," Lyss told him.

"I want you to spend Chwistmas at home though."

"We can do everything here I promise."

"Yeah Noah," Sophia said. "Why don't we got get something in the vending machines." He looked at Lyss.

"Go Noah," she urged.

"Okay, but will you still be here when I get back?" he asked.

"I will."

"Promise."

"Promise."

"Pinky Swear." He stuck out his pinky.

"Pinky Swear." Lyss laughed and twined her pinky with his. He hopped off the bed and ran toward Sophia who took his hand and walked out together followed by Kels, jake, Paige, and Hayley.

"Pinky Swear," Lexie teased. "Last time I heard that was your appendectomy."

"I remember that, she was so scared," Alex said wistfully.

"I was 6!" Lyss said.

"You wouldn't let go of me," Mere laughed.

"I was 6!" Lyss repeated. "I was scared. And never had surgery before..."

"Don't forget the whole 'why can't you operate on me' and then crying," Derek teased. Lyss just stared at him through narrowed eyes.

"A lot of crying, and don't forget that I had to show her my scar just to get her to let Lexie put the IV in," Mere said.

"Is it pick on Alyssa day? Seriously I am a patient in this hospital." Lyss asked.

"Sorry but you were so cute and innocent," Izzie said. "And probably one of the most hyper, rambunctious girls too. And also could change her mood in a second."

"I was 6!"

"What about when you ran away," Mark said.

"I was 8! And very jealous," Lyss pouted.

"That was probably one of the scariest days of my life," Mere said.

"Ditto," Derek said.

"Or 11 and breaking her arm," Alex added. "And not caring that you needed surgery..."

"Exactly why are we reminiscing?" Lyss asked.

"Wait," Izzie said suddenly. "What time is it?"

"6:30," Derek said.

"Damnit," Izzie said running out the door followed by Lexie, Mark, and Alex.

"What was that all about?"

"I have to go too," Derek said kissing Lyss and leaving.

"What is going on," Lyss asked.

"Nothing," Mere said. "I just need you to put this on." Mere handed her a blouse and dress pants.

"Why?" Lyss said. Now that she was confused she took a closer look at her mom and noticed she was wearing a nicer outfit then before.

"No reason just do it."

"Okay," Lyss said unsure. She had no clue what was going on and went to the bathroom. When she came our minutes later she looked great, best she had in a while. Mere handed her her wig that was still tied back and helped her into a wheelchair.

"Where are we going?" Lyss asked.

"Just be quiet already and wait." Mere joked and Lyss looked up at her with a face that said 'if you do anything that scares me, embarrasses me, or anything of the kind you are so dead.' Mere laughed.

"Mom this the cafeteria," Lyss said as they pulled up to the double doors.

"Oh really," Mere said.

"Mom, I practically spent all my time here when I was little I think I know....." she trailed off as Mere pushed her through the doors.

"Merry Christmas!" a bunch of voices meshed together. Lyss face was a sight. Her jaw dropped open but her eyes lit up. There was a long table in the middle of the room with a table cloth that looked just like the one they used in New York. Somehow they had gotten the artificial tree from her room into it and it was set up near the center. There were lights all over the walls along with poinsettia's and wreath's, any type of decoration. Derek was standing closest to the door with Hayley, Paige, and Kels. Sophia, Jake, and Noah were by Ali, Dylan, and Michael across the room.

Mark, Izzie and Alex stood close by with Christina and Owen and a older looking girl she didn't recognize. Talia, Trevor, and Morgan were next to them. George and Lexie were also there holding the twins where Tuck, Tucker, Miranda, Adele, Richard, and Callie were standing. When she saw the next group of people a little further away she was most surprised. It was Addison, Kevin, Molly, Eric, and Laura.

Her entire family was there, well at least half of it.

"Wow," Lyss breathed and smiled. Mere helped her stand up. "This is amazing."

"We did it for you Lyss," Derek said kissing her.

"Why?"

"Because we knew you were pissed that you had to spend Christmas in the hospital kiddo," Mark said.

"Yeah half-pint, you have been whining all day," Christina joked. Lyss glared at her when she said half-pint but decided against mentioning it. She was too happy at the moment, she just fought back.

"Not all day, just when someone said Merry Christmas. Plus I fell asleep and was like that for half the day."

"That's true," Miranda said. Lyss went up and hugged Addison, Kevin, Molly, Eric, and Laura.

"Hey how are you Lyss," Addie asked as she hugged her tightly.

"Right now, pretty good," Lyss told her smiling. That's when Izzie stepped forward with the older girl Lyss didn't recognize.

"Lyss, I would like to introduce you to my daughter, Hannah," Izzie said as Hannah stepped forward.

"It so nice to finally meet you," Lyss said shaking her hand.

"Same here, my mom has told me so much about you," Hannah said.

"She did the same about you," Lyss said.

"She likes to brag," Hannah laughed Lyss joining in. "When she asked me to come I hesitated because I wanted to spend it with my adopted parents, but then I realized that you have the same leukemia I did when I was 12. So then I knew I had to come."

"You had cancer?" Lyss asked. Hannah nodded. The two girls sat down and started talking. Everyone left them alone and Mere admired as her daughter laughed and smiled.

"Izzie that was a great idea," Mere said.

"I know, look at them," Hannah said.

"You do realize you just officially brought her into our little family," Derek told her.

"Family, yes. Little, no way it's huge," Izzie laughed.

"This is the happiest she has looked in months," Mere commented.

"I know look at half-pint," Christina said coming up from behind. Mere rolled her eyes.

"Christina, you know how much she hates that nickname," Addison said coming up from behind. She was watching Lyss too.

"It's her name, I have been calling her that since she was 4," Christina defended.

"That is true," Izzie said.

"Mere," Addie said. "She looks...... healthy."

"She does," Mere said the tears welling up. Derek pulled her into a hug.

"Have you done any recent tests?" Addie asked.

"No, after Christmas, if it's good, we can celebrate, but if it is bad, I don't want to ruin Lyss's Christmas," Derek said.

"She does look really happy," Addie said. Lexie and Molly came over.

"Hey guys," Molly said.

"Hey, glad you could make it," Mere said.

"Yeah, I am spending Christmas day with...... Thatcher," Molly said hesitantly and Lexie nodded as if saying 'same.'

"But Mere, how did you come up with this," Lexie asked.

"Well it was Izzie, Alex, Derek, Mark, and I who thought of it," Mere told her. "And everyone but you and George helped because you needed to take care of the twins"

"Well it's amazing," Lexie said and turned to watch Lyss with Hannah. They were so into the conversation they almost forgot they were with everyone else. Soon it was time to eat. They sat down and ate dinner, the most Lyss had eaten in two month's.

"Lyss we have one more surprise for you," Mark said as Derek came over with a computer.

"Derek, what are you doing?" Mere asked as everyone crowded around the computer Derek placed in front of Lyss.

"Daddy, what _are _you doing?" Lyss asked.

"This," he clicked a button and a screen popped up. It was Nancy, Lyndsey, Kathleen, Emma, and Elizabeth smiling back at her.

"Merry Christmas!" they all said, Lyss's face was shocked and a smile spread across her face. Tears were forming.

"Merry Christmas," she said happily.

"Well since you couldn't see us in person, we figured we had to make some sort of an appearance," Nancy said.

"I miss you all," Lyss cried.

"We do too, but don't cry," Liz said.

"I'm just so happy, it's not tradition, I may be in the hospital, but it's... perfect," Lyss said.

"Well we are glad," Emma told her happily.

"I just wish we could have been a part of it," Lyndsey sighed.

"You are," Lyss said smiling slightly.

"Oh and there are a couple of people who want to talk to you," Kathleen told her as they turned the camera. It not only revealed her cousins, but that they were in Connecticut by the fireplace in the background.

"Hey Lyss," they all said.

"Hey," Lyss said.

"Lyssa we miss you," Joey said.

"I miss you all too but I have to get better," she told him.

"Well do it fast," Jill said.

"I'll try," Lyss said.

"Yeah, you better I am so bored," Lily complained.

"Oh be quiet," Amy teased.

"You better be treating my cousin nicely," Lyss said.

"Hey we are you're cousins too," Kristen told her.

"I know," Lyss laughed. "But she is not the cousin that convinced me to get a cookie jar off Nana's fridge."

"Here we go with the cookie jar again," Amy sighed.

"We didn't mean for you to break your leg, it was just a joke," Jen muttered.

"But... it still happened, although that might have been the most exciting Christmas I ever had," Lyss laughed.

"Yeah. This is the first time your family ever missed Christmas," Michael said.

"So that means you better be kicking this cancer's ass," Josh added.

"Or your big older cousins just may have to be you up," Brian said.

"I wasn't scared of you when I was three, what makes you think I would be scared of you know," Lyss countered.

"Because you know we always get our way," Kyle joked.

"You're obnoxious," Lori smacked her brother's head.

"Yeah, stop teasing our baby cousin," Amanda said.

"Baby?" Lyss asked.

"You know what I mean," Amanda said waving her hand dismissively.

"Hey I bet I could whip all of your buts in field hockey," Lyss growled playfully.

"That's a girls sport," Chris pointed out.

"Really?" Lyss said. "Ever get hit by a hard plastic ball going out 20 miles per hour?" All the boys fell silent while the girl laughed.

"Okay, well sorry to break up the little talk but we have to take Lyss back to her room now," Mere said. Lyss glared at her and rolled her eyes. All the girls giggled.

"Wow Mere," Addison joked. "She is just like you right down to the eye roll."

"Let's get this over with," Lyss said sitting down on the wheelchair Izzie brought over. Derek followed them with the lap top and talked to his sisters and mother as Lyss got back into her gown.

"See you tomorrow Lyss," Izzie said.

"Same," Addie told her and many others too.

"Bye," Lyss said happily and sat on the bed with her siblings surrounding her.

"One question," Lyss said to the screen.

"What?" Nancy said.

"Why do you decide to have it in Connecticut this year, the year we aren't there?"

"Yeah," Kels chimed in with Hayley and Jake.

"Felt like a change, we didn't know about the tumor at the time," Kathleen defended.

"We know," Lyss said happily. Meredith and Derek watched from the corner.

"You're amazing Derek Shepherd," Mere whispered.

"We thought of this together," Derek said.

"Not the web cam, look how happy she is," Meredith said.

"I know," he said. "It's the happiest I have seen her in ages." They watched as she slowly drifted off to sleep. The kids around her.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too Mere." Together they walked over, said goodbye to everyone of the cam, and turned the computer off. Carefully they picked Noah up and woke up Kels, Hayley, Jake, Paige, and Sophia. Sophia took Noah from Mere and got everyone to the car. Meredith and Derek were left in the room.

"Hey sweetie," Mere said quietly as her eyes fluttered open.

"Thank you so much Daddy, and you too Mommy."

"You're welcome sweetie, I am glad you had fun," Derek told her stroking her face gently.

"I did," Lyss agreed. "Hannah is so nice. It was awesome talking to her. I am so happy that she could come. I feel so much better now that I know someone who survived through AML."

"I am so glad," Derek said.

"It was the best time I had in a long time, I was so happy," Lyss said yawning. Meredith and Derek smiled at each other warmly.

"We love you sweetie," Mere said kissing her goodbye.

"I love you too," Lyss said as Derek kissed her. She closed her eyes and smiled as her parents left. What Lyss said earlier was true. Despite being in the hospital she was surrounded by both sides of her family. It was perfect.

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Next chapter is Christmas Day, and her check-up before she goes home. (She already started chemo by then.) Things were not going as they planned and it wrecks the good spirit Lyss was in since her surprise.

I would like at least 8 reviews for this chapter please.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	47. Chapter 47: Three Days

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :) If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer!

Now Christmas Day, Noah extremely hyper and happy. Poor Lyss.

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Mere was so amused as she opened the door to Lyss's room. She was asleep on her side, her snoring filled the room. She had left Derek with the kids so she could put Lyss's gifts underneath the tree. Derek was distracting them. She knew that after Lyss was awake the first thing Noah would check was to see if 'Santa' had brought Lyss any presents. As she put the presents down Lyss stirred but didn't wake. Before Mere knew it, Hayley, Paige, Sophia, Kelsey, Jake, Derek, and finally Noah came bounding in. Of course following them was Richard, Miranda, Christina, Izzie, Lexie, Alex, and Mark.

"Lyssa!" Noah yelled and ran toward her bed and hopped up. "Lyssa, Lyssa, wake up. It's Chwistmas, it's Chwistmas! Wake up! You have pwesents!" He was shaking her arm as he did this. Lyss let out a groan.

"Five more minutes," she said refusing to open her eyes.

"But it's time for pwesents Lyssa!" he said.

"Please Noah," she groaned.

"Alyssa," Mark said.

"Oh No," Lyss opened her eyes. "Are you trying to torture me. What time is it?"

"It's 8:30 half-pint," Christina said. "Get up."

"No," she whined.

"Lyssa, Lyssa, I wanna open pwesents," Noah said smiling.

"Wait a little longer," Lyss whined and closed her eyes.

"Alyssa," Mere said walking over to her bed. "Come on honey."

"Why?" she whined. "I am a patient in case you forgot. I wanna rest. Please."

"You slept all day yesterday," Derek said as he was on the phone.

"Still, not enough," Lyss said. She didn't realize Derek had placed the computer in front of her.

"Alyssa Shepherd," she heard a voice say. "Get your butt up this minute." She realized it was Elizabeth.

"No."

"Now we already opened presents here so now you got to wake up," she told her.

"We are three hours behind here," Lyss growled and Mark chuckled.

"Doesn't matter," Elizabeth huffed.

"Yeah Lyssa," Noah said. "Please."

"You open presents let me sleep," Lyss said.

"Excuse me," Elizabeth said. "Even if you are not here, you all open Christmas presents together. It's tradition and one you are not about to break young lady." Lyss rolled her eyes. "I saw that," Liz said as Nancy and Kathleen came into view.

"Lyssa," Noah said. "Please, Please." He made a puppy dog face as Lyss opened her eyes.

"Noah, you know that doesn't......" she started. "Fine, I am up." She lifted the covers off.

"That's my girl," Derek joked. "Such enthusiasm." Lyss stuck her tongue out at him.

"Seriously what is up with you Lyss?" Mere asked jokingly.

"I am just not in the mood," she answered.

"You were last night," Addison said coming into the room overhearing her last statement.

"You guys tricked me into the mood with actual food and happiness," Lyss contradicted.

"We did, really?" Mark said smirking.

"Shut Up," Lyss hissed and chuck the pillow at him. He was laughing and was surprised when it hit him square in the face. "Yes!" Lyss exclaimed smiling innocently.

"Watch it kid," Mark threatened.

"Don't threaten my daughter Sloan," Derek teased. Lyss smiled again.

"She started it," Mark whined like a kid just making Lyss laugh harder then she already was.

"Okay, now at that, I am on the mood," Lyss told them.

"Yay!" Noah said happily clapping his hands together. Lyss rolled her eyes but grabbed him and started tickling his belly.

"Lyssa, Lyssa, stop it," he squealed. She lifted up his shirt and kissed his stomach and gave him raspberries. His laughter filled the room as she stopped. Noah wrapped his arms around Lyss's neck. "I love you Lyssa."

"I love you too Noah," she said looking around at her family happily. They were all smiling. That was when Noah started crying.

"Don't leave me, ever," he cried. "Don't die!" Lyss's eyes widened and her heart started beating fast. She didn't want to break his heart when it was possible that she could very easily die. She met Izzie's eyes who started tearing up but still gave an encouraging look. That was what was hard with Noah. He would remember all of a sudden that she was sick and blurt out that he didn't want her to die.

"Shhh, Noah, stop crying, it's Christmas!" Lyss said holding him out to look in his eyes. "I'll always be with you." She knew that would be true, if she did die she would stay with him in spirit.

"Okay," he said sadly.

"So...." Lexie said awkwardly. "Time for presents."

"Yes," Mere said grabbing one of them underneath Lyss's tree. "Here Lyss." Lyss rolled her eyes.

"I am perfectly capable of walking and getting it myself," she informed her.

"So you want me to walk back over there, put it back under the tree, and let you get it yourself," Mere joked.

"Just hand it over," Lyss gave up and slipped on her robe.

"That one is from me and your father," Mere told her. Noah was sitting on Lyss's bed tearing apart a package revealing a tow truck, Hayley was on a chair opening hers, Sophia was standing, Paige and Kelsey were on the floor near the tree, and Jake was near Michael who had just come into the room. Lyss opened it and revealed a cell phone. She had her old one taken away when she was grounded and the plan had just run out.

"Mom, Dad," she said surprised.

"Well we never really gave you your phone back, after, well you know," Derek said.

"And your plan ran out so we got you a new phone," Mere finished.

"Thank you," she said happily.

"Plus, since your plan ran out, everyone's did and now we added Jake too," Mere said.

"You just made us realize," Derek said.

"Well thank you for that Lyss," Sophia said as she opened up her new phone.

"Agreed," Hayley said happily.

"I am so glad we all don't have the same phone anymore, plus they were the stupid flip phones," Paige added. Lyss laughed.

"I want a phone," Kels said smiling sweetly.

"Kelsey, you are 9," Lyss told her.

"I wanna phone," Noah said.

"You have a tow truck," Lyss told him as he reached for another present in his pile. Lyss rolled her eyes and looked at her mom who picked up the pile of presents and brought the next to the bed.

"Thank you," she said and smirked bending down for another present. The rest of the presents form her parents were clothes and books, obviously wanting her to do more then just lay around all day. Same with Hayley, Sophia, Paige, and Kelsey. Noah just got more toys and Jake got games for his game system. The next was the present from Izzie. She gave Lyss hers first and as she gave everyone else theirs Lyss opened it. They were a pair of UGG boots.

"Aunt Izzie," she exclaimed. "I love them! Thank you."

"Your welcome sweetie," she said. "Ali told me how much you loved hers so I knew they were perfect." Ali winked from the side of her bed causing Lyss to laugh.

"Izzie those are expensive," Mere said.

"Not if you buy them from California online, they are cheaper," she told her.

"Remind me of that next year," Mere smiled. Izzie nodded. Hayley and Paige got UGG slippers, Kelsey and Sophia got UGG moccasins, and Jake got another game, while Noah got more toys. Next was Lexie. She got the girls clothes, and the boys games. Mark was never one for picking out gifts so he gave them all 30 dollars. Lyss noticed she got 40.

"Thank you," they all said as Mark smirked and winked at Lyss. She started laughing. Christina had the help of Talia and Trevor so she got them clothes and games as well. Finally it was Addison. The one with expensive taste and the money to back it up. She handed Lyss her present and Lyss opened it quickly. It was a Coach bag.

"Thank you Aunt Addie, It's awesome. A little girly, but awesome," she said. Each of the girls got the same thing but a different bag. Noah got a remote control car while Jake got even more games for his Wii.

"Take a look inside of them," Addie said winking at everyone else. The present was mostly for Lyss but decided to include the girls. it was Mere's idea originally but she didn't have enough money. So everyone chipped in. Lyss opened up the bag and saw a slip of paper. Of course it wasn't any ordinary paper. Lyss read the writing and her mouth dropped.

"RENT!" she squealed. "Rent Tour tickets!" Sophia, Hayley, Paige, and Kelsey screamed too.

"Guys look what seat we are in," Mere said knowingly. The girls looked down.

"Row AA," Lyss read.

"Are you serious," Sophia said.

"That's the front row," Hayley said excitedly.

"And that's not all," Addie said. She handed them a paper.

"THE OBC!" Lyss screamed. "The OBC is coming back for the tour!"

"Oh my god!" Kelsey yelled.

"Wait," Lyss said. "That means I will be this close to Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp, Idina Menzel, Taye Diggs, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Jesse L. Martin....."

"Yes!" Derek said. She stared at them in disbelief.

"Lyss this is so exciting," Sophia said.

"Yeah," she said. "Thank you!"

"Don't just thank me," Addie said. "It was your mom's idea and everyone chipped in."

"And you don't think that we didn't get tickets for ourselves," Izzie said. "At least me and Ali."

"WHAT!?" Ali said. Izzie flashed her the tickets and Ali screamed and hugged Lyss happily. The rest of the day was a blur for Lyss, people came and went but her family stayed. She had gotten more clothes from her Dad's side of the family but nothing was compared to the Rent Tour.

"This was the best Christmas ever," Lyss said as her parents had to leave for the night.

"I'm glad," Derek said.

"Thank you," Lyss said.

"Your welcome sweetheart," Mere said kissing her.

"I love you," she said.

"We love you too."

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It has been 3 days after Christmas. The day after Lyss had chemo and was almost immediately back into her old routine. Of course it was a bit altered because she was still in the hospital. They wanted to monitor the chemo more closely. And of course she had also started radiation. Yet, nothing changed. She slept all day, didn't eat, and still threw up constantly. Only now she had a pan by her bed instead of getting up. Lyss couldn't believe how she could feel so good, then go back to feeling like she did before.

Her first day of radiation was horrible. What was worse was that her team put her father in charge because they didn't trust anyone else much to her dismay.

_"Lyss you ready?" Derek asked. She was laying on a cold table, Derek and Meredith ready to help her into the machine.  
_

_"As I will ever be," Lyss said tiredly._

_"She better be ready," an intern muttered. "Her head about to be fried." Lyss overheard, her eyes widened, and she huddled away from the machine with a whimper.  
_

_"Excuse me," Mere said from beside her._

_"Mere I got this," Derek said stepping forward. "Dr. Lewis, do you have any idea who this is?"_

_"No, but I do know what is wrong," the cocky doctor said confidently. "She has stage four AML with CNS involvement. She was admitted two weeks ago for spiking a fever which was the cause of a brain tumor. They removed it and now the next course of action besides chemo is radiation."_

_"You seem to be forgetting one thing," Derek said angrily._

_"What, I don't know. I guess it must have to do with both you a the other Dr. Shepherd being on her case."_

_"Yes, it does," Derek hissed._

_"She is our daughter," Mere said. Dr. Lewis eyes blazed with realization and he looked down._

_"Now get out of my sight," Derek said._

_"But my resident...." he protested._

_"I will speak to your resident later," Derek said. "Now go."_

_"Daddy, you didn't have to," Lyss said._

_"I didn't want any negativity in here," Derek said._

_"Plus, he need to learn bedside manner," Mere muttered._

_"Okay, let's get started," Derek said and gently coaxed her to lay down on the table. They fit the mask and Derek bent down."It's gonna be okay sweetheart, it's only for a few minutes. We'll be right outside the room."_

_"Okay daddy," Lyss sighed as Derek put the mask on her and began the treatment. You would think the symptoms from this would be better, not, they were worse._

Today, was her first scan since the chemo, the radiation, and the tumor. The only good news was that she could go home the next day. She had been given a sedative for the MRI and other tests and when she woke up, Lyss was alone. She looked around the room groggily. There was no evidence of her parents, not even her mom's bag. That was when she noticed the noise coming from the small examination room next to her room. Lyss slipped on her robe, grabbed her IV, and got up. Slowly she walked out of her room and where Izzie, Miranda, Callie, Dr. Hanes, Meredith, and Derek were standing.

Lyss looked in. Callie was motioning to her x-rays on the walls with a worried look. Meredith and Derek had scared faces on as Mere had tears coming down her face. The x-rays showed a large amount of dark spots which Lyss knew were the cancer. The only reason she knew was she spent her time alone studying her charts. Lyss opened the door silently and none of them knew she was in there. They were too busy talking. Lyss stood there for a minute and opened her mouth to speak.

"The next course of action..." Callie started.

"It's getting worse isn't it," Lyss said. Everyone's head whipped around to stare at her. Callie's eyes blazed and took the x-rays down quickly.

"Lyss," Mere said sadly.

"The dark spots are getting bigger," she said looking at them.

"Lyss let us..." Izzie said.

"Answer me," Lyss said. "Please."

"The dark spots are...." Miranda started.

"The cancer, it's grown, hasn't it," Lyss said grimly. "The chemo hasn't worked." No one answered.

"Baby, let's talk about this," Derek said trying to get her back to her room.

"I'm not leaving until you tell, me, is it getting worse?"

"The cancer... it's bad." Callie started.

"You have to tell me the truth. I need to know how bad it is. I am tired of people buttering everything up. The chemo, the radiation, the tumor, everything. I have read my charts and can actually understand them now and I know I am not getting better any time soon. Now tell me, please. Is it getting worse?" Derek was the one who answered his eyes tearing up.

"Lyss, it's..." How can she have felt so good three days ago but now....

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My Christmas present to you all...... a cliffhanger. I am just awesome like that aren't I :) Sorry but it was so tempting and stared me right in the face. At least this chapter was long. I promise that I will update at least buy Saturday okay.

I would like at least 8 reviews for this chapter please.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	48. Chapter 48: It's Not Too Late

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ho! Ho! Ho! :) If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer!

Okay so I left you with a cliffhanger last time, this is going to tell you how bad it is and the next course of action. Then it kind of drabbles back into her old routine except that there is a little twist..... she is giving up. It will have a Jake point of view. I am going to start incorporating her siblings into the story because soon she will be in the hospital for a long time and she kind of shuts down. Kind of like in A Time For Dancing Jules' last chapter is short and stuff. it will kind of be like that, she will have input but now it is going to be more of the effect of the cancer on everyone else. There will be an important time later that they will actually have an entire chapter about Addison in LA and well.... you'll see.

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"Lyss, we have concluded that it's..... chemo resistant," Derek said sadly.

"No," she said quietly and looked down. Derek didn't have to urge her back to her room this time, it was almost like he just guided her or pushed her. Her legs wouldn't work. She was dying and she knew it. It was just one step closer. One painful step more.

"Now sweetie," Mere said as she helped her back into bed. "It's not the end, we still have a treatment."

"What?" Lyss said quietly.

"It's called induction chemother...." Izzie started but was cut off.

"Chemo," Lyss said. "More chemo."

"Lyss let us explain," Derek said. She nodded somberly.

"Induction chemo is where cytarabine is given as a continuous IV infusion for seven consecutive days, while the anthracycline is given for three consecutive days as an IV push," Bailey told her. She looked up at her confused. She almost looked like a little girl again the tears brimming around her eyes.

"What, what is cy-cytarabine and...." Lyss said.

"Sweetie," Mere said. "They are just the chemicals in the chemo." Lyss nodded.

"Then you will have to be kept here for about a month so the effects will wear off," Izzie said.

"A month," Lyss said.

"Not right away," Callie added quickly. "We are going to continue what we are doing but more spread out so your immune system can build up." Lyss nodded again.

"See Lyss we can still go and see Rent," Mere said.

"What, What if the induction doesn't work?" Lyss asked.

"Then we have a bone marrow transplant," Izzie told her.

"No matter what you will have a bone marrow transplant," Bailey said. Lyss nodded again.

"I'm kind of tired," she said.

"Here we are going to get your discharge papers now," Izzie said leaving the room followed by Callie and Miranda. This is when Lyss chose to break down, she knew she shouldn't have gotten up and checked. She started shaking and a gasp escaped her mouth.

"Mommy, Daddy," she cried.

"Shhh, baby girl, we are right here," Derek told her. He gathered Lyss in his arms as she started sobbing.

"Daddy I want it to be over, I don't wanna be here anymore. I want to go home, I want to be better!"

"I know Lyss, it will be over soon I promise," he said.

"You said that before," Lyss said quietly. "You've been saying that... and it hasn't been true yet!"

"We know sweetie. We want it to be over too but you just have to keep fighting," Mere said. Lyss stayed silent as she slowy calmed down. Even though when Izzie came back in her eyes were all red and puffy. She made no note of it, gave her the discharge papers, and brought in a wheelchair. Despite Lyss feeling tired and depressed it made Lyss laugh and roll her eyes.

"Will I ever be able to leave the hospital, not in a wheelchair?" she asked.

"Nope," Mark said from behind her. She turned around.

"Uncle Mark, you scared me," she exclaimed. "Didn't I get tortured enough in the past two weeks."

"Don't think so," he said as they wheeled her down the hall.

"Well I can have a little break from all of you," she said rolling her eyes.

"That's what you think half-pint," another voice said although she knew it was Christina.

"Can I just go now, Lyss said looking up at Derek who was pushing her wheelchair.

"Sure, see you guys," he said.

"I'll see you next appointment," Izzie said. Lyss laughed.

"Yeah right, you live next door, you will be over and see me before the day is over," she joked. Izzie's smile faded making Lyss smile. "Told ya!"

"Goodbye," Izzie said as Lyss stuck her tongue out at all of them. As she was wheeled outside she smiled and joked.

"FREEDOM!" she said and threw her hands in the air.

"Be quiet an get in the car," Mere said helping her up and smiling. Lyss just smiled sweetly and got in the car. Of course buy the time they got home she was asleep in the back. Derek looked in sadly as Mere picked her up and he grabbed their stuff. They knew she would be up soon so they put her on the couch and just like that, they were back into the normal routine.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**This is not the sister he remembers. The one who was always laughing, always smiling, always snooping her way into everyone's business. The girl laying on the couch is not the sister he loves. The one who he almost drowned. She has turned into a zombie and Jake can't stand it.**

**The two of them have always had a connection, sometimes it was distant, but other times, it was like they are inseparable. He was her first younger sibling and the reason she never really had a childhood. Lyss was only just a year old when Jake was born. She never really got what he did. The attention, the immense love, the small favoritism. Well nothing she could ever remember. He always kind of blamed himself for that. Watching her, on the couch, it was unbearable. She was thin, pale, lifeless, and even though he was a year younger Jake always felt a protection over Lyss. Everyone else was too old, but Lyss. She was so mature in some ways, but sometimes she could just act like a kid. Those days were gone.**

**Seeing her in the hospital, happy, it was just too unreal. Lyss actually looked healthy at moments but also so scary, so cold, so inhuman. It was like the girl that was once inside her body was gone and replaced with this creature that was nothing like his sister. Of all of Jake's sisters Lyss was always the closest to him. **

**When Lyss had the seizure and the brain tumor, it was like Jake's heart was torn in two. She shouldn't have to go through so much pain. She has gone through so much already. The pregnancy, the fighting, the boyfriend who gave her hope, but turned out to be a piece of shit. Then afterwards it was like she was a different person. She was so happy, vibrant, back to the old Lyss.**

**It was always so funny to watch her with Uncle Mark. The two of them were so close it was as entertaining to everyone else as it was to them. Lyss at Christmas was a sight to see. She was so cranky, but when she got her family with her, it was like a total change of mood. But now, it back to the way it was, and Jake didn't know why. She seemed fine, she didn't look sick anymore. They started chemo and she was already so strong and eating. The day after starting chemo again, when Jake visited her, it was like that person took over her body again.**

**He just wants to protect her from everything that is happening to her. She is and was in so much pain and he wonders what she ever did to deserve it. Jake wishes he was sick and not her. Watching her disappear right in front of him was took much to handle for a 12 year old.**

**When his father was absent at the hospital or taking care of Lyss, Jake was the man of the house. The one who had to stay strong. Sophia tried but she was just a girl, not strong enough. But Jake didn't know if he was. Seeing how quickly Lyss changed back to the walking zombie was scary for him. Back to being the girl on the couch who didn't talk or doing anything, just sleep. **

**Jake tried to talk to Uncle Richard about it, but it was too hard. Aunt Christina was a little better, but still no luck. Everyone would take it too far to the point where he had to cry, but he couldn't. He couldn't break down, he couldn't let his family down, he couldn't let Lyss down.**

**"Jake, Sophia, Kelsey, Hayley, Paige, we need to speak to you," Meredith said from the kitchen table. Noah looked up from his spot on the floor back continued to play with his tow truck.**

**"What Mom?" Sophia said.**

**"We need to talk to you about Lyss," Derek told them.**

**"What's wrong?" Jake asked keeping one eye on her.**

**"Well, her cancer has escalated to be chemo resistant," Mere said sadly.**

**"What's that?" Kelsey asked her eyes wide with fear.**

"It means that no amount of chemo would show any effect on Alyssa's cancer," Derek told them. "Or at least the type of chemo we have been administering."

"Why did you catch it so late?" Hayley asked.

"Because of only being 13, the chemo wouldn't have shown the effect until now if it wasn't chemo resistant," Mere said holding hands with Derek.

"What, what does that mean?" Paige asked.

"Yeah, how will she get better now, what treatment?" Jake said.

"It's something called induction chemo, it is still chemo but it's continuous for a week," Derek said.

"So does she have to stay in the hospital for another week?" Kelsey asked.

"Kels, sweetie, she has to recover from it, it will take about a month maybe more but..." Mere said but she was cut off.

"NO!" Kelsey screamed loudly.

"Kelsey Alexis Lyss is...." Derek said.

"Lyss is sick! She is not getting better! She is going to be gone for another month! I miss her! I want her to get better! She doesn't deserve this! I want my sister back!" she cried and ran upstairs and slammed the door.

"I got her," Mere said getting up from the table.

"Lyssa's not getting better," Noah said overhearing. Derek stood up.

"We got this dad," Hayley said as she picked him up when he started crying and took him to the back room. Sophia and Paige followed. It left Derek and Jake at the table. Jake's head was down and Derek looked at him.

"Buddy," he said. "Are you okay?"

"No Dad," Jake cried the tears running down his face. "I'm not okay. Lyss is sick and..... and I can't stand seeing her like this." He started sobbing, something Jake rarely did. He was just like his father but even at this Derek cried many times.

"Jake," he said his tears brimming. "It's gonna be okay." He put his hand on his shoulder.

"How do you know? How do you know she will be okay? She is getting sicker and everything is getting worse. I feel like I can't break down because you do, and Mom does, and Kelsey, and Hayley, and Paige, and Sophia, and if I do, the family will be a mess. And it is not Lyss's fault it's just, she went through so much, she doesn't deserve it and I am scared. I don't want to lose my sister."

"Shhh, Jake, it's okay. No matter what happens we won't lose her."

"But I want her here with us." This is when Derek pulled his son into a hug.

"Shhh, Shhh."

"It isn't fair."

"No it isn't," Derek sighed. "I know it sucks, but you want to know something that will make it better?"

"Dad, nothing can make this better."

"Okay then, cushion the blow." Jake looked up.

"What?"

"This weekend, we can go out on the lake and go fishing. Just the two of us."

"But it's freezing."

"Who cares."

"What about Noah?"

"He can come too, it will be a guys weekend."

"That sounds great...."

"Daddy, Mommy," Lyss said groggily from the couch. Derek and jake got up immediately, wiped their tears and went over.

"I'm right here," Derek said.

"Can, can you get me some water or something?" she asked.

"Sure baby," Derek said and went to the kitchen.

"Jake," Lyss said surprised. He always tried to avoid her because it was like he was scared.

"Hey Lyss," he said.

"Can you sit here with me, I don't want to be alone," she told him.

"Of course," he said sitting down on the edge as Lyss moved over to make room.

"So I am guessing you heard," Lyss said.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"So it looks like I need you guys a little more. I need to find harder," she said strongly. when Jake didn't answer she repeated. "I really do need you Jake. It's like you have been absent or afraid to touch me. I won't break."

"I know it's just..."

"You're scared. I am too."

"Lyss...."

"I need you Jake. Without everyone I won't be able to beat this. To fight. I am not sure I can do it anyway."

"Sure you can Lyss."

"I don't know Jake, look at me. My cancer's chemo resistant and I am so tired already. I don't think I can."

"Lyss you have to." Jake started to cry.

"Don't cry, you'll make me cry."

"Lyss you have to fight, I need you, you're my older sister."

"I know but I am so tired."

"We'll just have to fix that."

"Jake I am not saying that I will die, I am just saying it's getting harder, harder to fight. Harder to stay with you guys. And I want to. I don't want Noah to only have memories of me being sick or not remembering me at all. I don't want..."

"You don't want what?"

"I don't want you to become the middle child like I was. I don't want that to happen to you."

"Oh Lyss...."

"Hey Jake, remember that time we were playing out back."

"Oh yeah, you were trying to teach me how to play field hockey. I was like 7."

"And I showed you how to drive the ball and it crashed through the window."

"We were so scared."

_"Come on Jake that's not a drive," Lyss said taking the field hockey stick and picking up the ball that was only about two meters away from Jake._

_"Then show me," Jake said._

_"Okay fine," Lyss said picking up the ball. For a 9 year old she was kind of cocky. _

_"This is how. You line of your left foot with the ball like this," she demonstrated._

_"Okay."_

_"Then you step away from the ball about a stick length and you hit it like this...." she hit the ball with a great force. It went flying and crashed into the sliding glass door out back._

_"LYSS!" Jake said. Lyss gave the stick to him._

_"What do we do?"_

_"Don't give it to me," he said throwing the stick down._

_"Don't leave it there, she will know it's me."_

_"Then what do you suggest we do?"_

_"Jacob, Alyssa, what was that noise," Meredith called down from her bedroom._

_"RUN!" she said and took off leaving Jake to trail behind._

Lyss started laughing.

"We got in so much trouble," Jake said.

"We were grounded for two weeks," Lyss laughed.

"No TV or anything."

"We did have a lot of fun back then didn't we." Lyss looked at Jake sadly.

"Yeah," Jake said.

"Where did that go?"

"I don't know."

"I got involved in dance, and drama, and field hockey trying to impress Mommy and Daddy, and we just kind of...."

"Yeah."

"It's not too late."

"Your right."

"I love you Jake."

"I love you too Lyss."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

My Christmas present to you all...... a cliffhanger. I am just awesome like that aren't I :) Sorry but it was so tempting and stared me right in the face. At least this chapter was long. I promise that I will update at least buy Saturday okay.

I would like at least 8 reviews for this chapter please.

Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	49. Chapter 49: Best Day Ever

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;) Neither do I own the show Rent. (I guess I have to say Rent too because even though I don't have full songs in here I still use some.) **

**This chapter is Rent, well more of the drabbles with Derek, then the happiness. Of course it won't be there for long, but it will be there. What it is, is because it is a tour, it's in Seattle and Addie drives up and all the girls have a girls night out. Of course Addison has a little s****urprise for all of them.... well mostly Lyss, but I can tell you it has to do with her reaction when she realized that the OBC is going to be performing. (BTW I have tickets for the Rent Tour in Philly and two of the OBC are there, Adam Pascal, and Anthony Rapp!!!!!) This chapter isn't really necessary but it will be fun for me to right and hopefully for you to read. I just want Lyss to be happy before the month of hell that is going to begin soon. Actually like three days after Rent. Hope you like it....**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**As Derek picked Lyss up off the couch it hurt so much that she weighed so little. At her check-up when they confirmed that the AML was chemo resistant they also weighed her. She was only about 69 pounds, almost less than Noah. And at this rate, he would pass her any day now. He looked down at her in his arms and remembered back to three months ago. Derek didn't know if it was an improvement or not. Would he rather have his daughter pregnant, wearing black, cutting herself, and have no relationship with her, then what was in front of him?**

**Somehow Derek couldn't answer that. He loved her so much that he couldn't stand to see her in pain. But wasn't she in pain back then too? Back when he and Meredith were about to have a divorce, send Lyss away because they couldn't control her, probably break the entire family. He didn't know. Only Lyss couldn't answer that.**

**And now her cancer is chemo-resistant. If she achieved remission after another month of pain it would be great, but only life-saving if they had a bone marrow donor, because without it there was a stronger possibility of relapse. If she didn't achieve remission, they needed a bone marrow donor. Without one, her only chance of survival, and it was slim, was clinical trials only if she was eligible. Derek couldn't even think about it let alone possibly live it.**

**He knew he couldn't be selfish though. He couldn't keep her there if she was in so much pain, maybe God needs her in heaven for something. Derek hoped that wasn't true, he hoped it would never even come close. But it was very possible. He looked back down at her as Lyss stirred slightly.**

**"Daddy?" she said groggily her eyes fluttering open.**

**"I am here baby," he said kissing her forehead.**

**"Where is Mommy?" she asked.**

**"She's sleeping upstairs," he told her.**

**"What time is it?"**

**"Almost 11:30," he said. Everyone was asleep but Derek hadn't wanted to disturb Lyss so he left her there for as long as he could.**

**"Can you take me upstairs to my bed?" she asked.**

**"Of course." Carefully he stood up and walked upstairs. When he placed her in bed she looked up at him.**

**"Do you want me to stay in here until you fall asleep?"**

**"Daddy," she said. "You look exhausted."**

**"I'm a doctor. A surgeon."**

**"You never looked this bad before Daddy, it's because of me." His hair was unkempt, his eyes were bloodshot, and there were circles upon circle under his eyes.**

**"Lyss."**

**"Do you have work tomorrow?"**

**"No, me and your Mom took one more day off for this year." He was referring to it being New Years in two days.**

**"Then Daddy, do me a favor."**

**"What is it baby girl," he said stroking her face.**

**"I want you to rest tomorrow."**

**"Lyss."**

**"No, don't Lyss me. Sophia can take everyone shopping or something, I will sleep all day, and I want you and Mommy to rest. You spend all your time taking care of me, worrying about me, you never think of yourself. You both need rest desperately. So please, for me." She pouted her face and batted her eyelashes as him.**

**"Oh Lyss, that face."**

**"You can't say no can you."**

**"No I can't."**

**"So.... you will take tomorrow for you and Mommy, no worries."**

**"Okay but you...."**

**"I will be fine, I will sleep, and throw up, as I usually do."**

**"That doesn't reassure me."**

**"I will be fine, you two will still be in the house if I need you."**

**"Okay, that's fair."**

**"And I am talking about not even checking on me every hour. Two hours minimum."**

**"Fine."**

**"Not even if i am silent." Derek thought about this for a second. She was silent when she had the brain tumor. But the look of determination on Lyss's face made him not be able to say no.  
**

**"Okay."**

**"So we have a deal."**

**"Yes, we have a deal."**

**"Well get started Daddy."**

**"Okay baby."**

**"I love you."**

**"I love you too sweetheart, goodnight."**

**"Goodnight," Lyss mumbled into her pillow and drifted off. Derek closed her door. Of course she had to break his heart more. Despite being sick, all she cared about was them. It made it even harder for Derek to think of the possibility of her dying. Not having her there everyday, not letting her aspire to be a surgeon. But he did as he was told, he couldn't let her down. Meredith and Derek spent the entire day together on the couch, in bed, comfortable. But no matter how hard he tried, every thought he had revolved around Lyss and with each passing minute he felt his heart slowly being ripped out of his chest from hurt.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_**Three Weeks Later......**_

**"Come on Lyss, baby, time to wake up," Mere called to her and nudged her gently. Lyss groaned.**

**"What time is it?"**

**"Almost 10 o'clock."**

**"But what day....." she broke off and looked up. Mere had a smile on her face and Lyss tried to remember what day it was.**

**"Lyss, the day is finally here, we are seeing Rent today," Mere said excitedly. A smile grew on Lyss's face. It saddened Mere that that was the most she could give her. If Lyss wasn't sick she would be bouncing off the walls, screaming... loudly. But she had to stop doing that, she was sick, right now, and it wasn't changing any time soon.**

**"So I have your wig all ready and everything," Mere said motioning to her stuff on the edge of the bed. She helped Lyss out of the bed and into the clothes. Then gently placed her wig on her bald head and straightened it.**

**"Mommy, when is Aunt Addie and everyone else coming over?" she asked. They had gotten tickets for Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Lyss, Kelsey, Meredith, Addie, Izzie, Ali, Morgan, and Lexie. They offered to get some for Christina and Talia but they had said no.**

**"Eleven, you wanna get a shower instead?" Mere asked. Lyss nodded and went toward the bathroom where instead of getting in the shower she had her head on the porcelain bowl.**

**"Do, do you think I will have to throw up at all during Rent?" Lyss asked.**

**"I hope not, but if you do there are plenty of trashcans and bathrooms," Mere told her cupping her face and kissing her forehead. Lyss smiled slightly and turned towards the shower.**

**"I still can't believe in a couple of hours I will be this close to Adam Pascal and Idina Menzel," Lyss said as Mere closed the door. Addie had told only Mere, Izzie, and Lexie the surprise. Mere knew how much Lyss loved those to stars, especially Idina Menzel. All she could ever talk about was how beautiful she was, how much of a idol she was to Lyss. She heard the shower start and soon stop. Mere forgot that all Lyss had to do was wash her body, there was no need for shampoo or conditioner. Lyss got dressed, put on her wig, and let Sophia help her down the stairs where she went onto the couch almost falling asleep, if it wasn't for Kelsey.**

**"Lyss, can you believe it, everyone from the movie is going to be on the stage," she babbled.**

**"Not everyone, well everyone but Rosario Dawson," Lyss said.**

**"Tracie Toms too," Kelsey said shocked. Lyss groaned.**

**"Did you even look at the paper Kels, the original Joanne didn't want to so Tracie Toms already was on broadway for Rent a long time ago in 2008, remember," Lyss said.**

**"No, Aunt Addie gave it to you," she told Lyss.**

**"Well then go into my room, my night table, it's there," she said willing her to go upstairs. It worked.... for all of 2 seconds until Hayley came over.**

**"Hey Lyss," she said happily. Lyss glared at her.**

**"I sent Kelsey away because she was hyper now I have you," she said.**

**"I thought you would be excited to Lyss," Hayley laughed.**

**"I am Hayl, I am just tired," she sighed.**

**"You do realize that Aunt Izzie is bringing a wheelchair for you?" Hayley said cautiously.**

**"Probably for the best, it would be easier for everyone else rather than carrying me."**

**"That's true, but it would be a sight."**

**"Yeah, Yeah," Lyss said. "Wait what time is......"**

**"HELLO!" a cheery voice called from the door.**

**"...it" Lyss finished and turned around to see Addison in the doorway.**

**"Aunt Addie!" Kelsey screamed happily running down the stairs, she was followed by Noah. Lyss rolled her eyes. Hayley got up and joined Paige, Sophia, Derek, and Meredith at the door. Finally Lyss got up and smiled.**

**"Lyss," Addison said happily. Just like with her godfather, Lyss had an extremely close relationship with her godmother. Addie pulled her into a hug that suffocated Lyss.**

**"I saw you two weeks ago Aunt Addie," she said laughing.**

**"I know it's just I missed you, I miss all of you, that is the one thing I hate about living in L.A, I am so far away from my family," she said.**

**"Family," Derek laughed. "No offense but that is the last thing I have ever thought would come out of my ex-wife's mouth after 17 years ago. After the divorce I never thought I would consider you family again. I am glad though." Addie and Mere turned shades of red as Lyss, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige laughed as they went into the living room.**

**"Like we haven't heard that story enough times," Lyss scoffed.**

**"What story?" Kels asked. Being only 9, her parents had only really told her that Derek was married to her Aunt Addie before, nothing else.  
**

**"Aunt Addie and Dad used to be married, she cheated on him with Uncle Mark, Dad moved to Seattle and met Mom. Uh... then Aunt Addie came and broke Mom and Dad up when Dad stayed with Aunt Addie. You know in between that the whole bomb in the body cavity thing. Then at prom...."**

**"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd don't you dare finish that sentence or tell any more of that story or else," Derek warned. Lyss smiled sweetly, a real smile.**

**"She... uh knows it well," Addie said dryly.**

**"Don't remind me," Mere groaned.**

**"So where's Jake?" Addie asked changing the subject.**

**"At a friend's," Mere said.**

**"HELLO!" four new voices said. Seconds later Izzie, Lexie, Ali, and Morgan came in.**

**"Hi guys," Addie said and hugged each of them.**

**"Okay, lets go," Izzie said making Kelsey jump slightly out of excitement.**

**"Okay, have fun," Derek said.**

**"We will," Addie said. Derek grabbed Lyss before she walked by and hugged her.**

**"Behave and be careful," he warned. Lyss hit him playfully.**

**"Aren't I always," she said smiling sweetly and batting her eyelashes.**

**"Goodbye Lyss," Derek said ushering her out of the door. She walked over to the large car they had and drove to the Seattle theater. Meredith could tell even though they were going to see Rent it would be a bad day. From her seat in the front next to Izzie she looked back to find her asleep on Addison's shoulder. When they got there Izzie got the wheelchair out of the back and Addison gently woke Lyss up. they helped her into it and got into the theater.**

**After everyone went to the bathroom and Lyss threw up they found their seats. Lyss was directly in the middle because their group took up the entire first row. She was in between Addison and Ali her wheelchair folded up near the aisle. Lyss's eyes struggled to stay open but knew as soon as the music would start she could stay.**

**"Aunt Addie, how did you get these seats," she asked.**

**"When you work in L.A you have your perks, especially working at a private practice," she said as Lyss rolled her eyes.**

**"And..." she started as the lights dimmed. A small gasp escaped her mouth as the audience grew silent. Her eyes immediately glued to the stage, her eyes wide. Addison smiled and pushed the hair out of Lyss's face as she shared an excited glance with Ali. The curtains open and Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal are on stage, it begins.**

_**MARK  
We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Mark, and my  
Roommate, Roger. We live in an idustrial loft on the  
Corner of 11th Street and Avenue B, the top floor of  
What was once a music publishing factory. Old rock  
And roll posters hang on the walls. They have Roger's  
Picture advertising gigs at CBGB's and the Pyramid  
Club. We have an illegal wood burning stove; it's  
Exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our.......**_

**She listens to the words but is in awe. To most of her families amazement, this was probably one of the only parts she did not know. it was not in the movie. Within minutes the first song begins to play.**

_**MARK  
How Do You Document Real Life  
When Real Life's Getting More  
Like Fiction Each Day  
Headlines - Bread-Lines  
Blow My Mind  
And Now This Deadline  
"Eviction - Or Pay"  
Rent  
**_

_**ROGER  
How Do You Write A Song  
When The Chords Sound Wrong  
Though They Once Sounded Right And Rare  
When The Notes Are Sour  
Where Is The Power You Once Had To Ignite the Air**_

__

**MARK  
And We're Hungry And Frozen**

**ROGER  
Some Life That We've Chosen**

_**TOGETHER  
How We Gonna Pay  
How We Gonna Pay  
How We Gonna Pay  
**_

_**MARK  
How Do You Document Real Life  
When Real Life's Getting More  
Like Fiction Each Day  
Headlines - Bread-Lines  
Blow My Mind  
And Now This Deadline  
"Eviction - Or Pay"  
Rent  
ROGER  
How Do You Write A Song  
When The Chords Sound Wrong  
Though They Once Sounded Right And Rare  
When The Notes Are Sour  
Where Is The Power You Once Had To Ignite the Air**_

__

**MARK  
And We're Hungry And Frozen**

**ROGER  
Some Life That We've Chosen**

_**TOGETHER  
How We Gonna Pay  
How We Gonna Pay  
How We Gonna Pay  
Last Year's Rent.....**_

**Meredith looks over at Lyss. Her eyes are lit up, her mouth open slightly. She is leaning towards the stage. At the sight of Adam Pascal her mouth spreads to a large smile. It made Mere smile, she is so happy, the best she looked since Christmas.**

_**BENNY  
Draw A Line In The Sand  
And Then Make A Stand**_

_****_

ROGER  
Use Your Camera To Spar

MARK  
Use Your Guitar

ALL  
When They Act Tough - You Call Their  
Bluff

MARK & ROGER  
We're Not Gonna Pay

MARK & ROGER W/ HALF THE COMPANY  
We're Not Gonna Pay

MARK & ROGER W/ OTHER HALF OF  
COMPANY  
We're Not Gonna Pay

ALL  
Last Year's Rent  
This Year's Rent  
Next Year's Rent

Rent Rent Rent Rent Rent  
We're Not Gonna Pay Rent

_**All  
**_

_**'Cause Everything Is Rent**_

**After the song the audience erupts into a loud applause. This is the happiest Lyss has ever been in her entire life. For a second, she forgets she is sick. To all of her friends and family around her, she doesn't look sick. The musical continues......**

_**MARK  
To days of inspiration,  
Playing hookey, making something  
Out of nothing, the need  
To express to communicate,  
To going against the grain,  
Going insane,  
Going mad**_

_****_

To loving tension, no pension  
To more than one dimension,  
To starving for attention,  
Hating convention, hating pretension,  
Not to mention of course,  
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike  
Midday past the three piece suits  
To fruits, to no absolutes  
To Absolut, to choice  
To the Village Voice  
To any passing fad

To being an us for once,  
Instead of a them

_**ALL  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme......**_

**Everyone know this is Lyss's favorite song, she could sing it all day, she knows every word. Izzie always regretted the day when Mere allowed Lyss to watch it with her and Ali at age 8. They had begged and pleaded, then Lyss pouted, and they had to let them. Ever since Lyss had sung La Vie Boheme at least once a month not refraining from the curse words. The entire song would blast through the house and most of the neighborhood.  
**

_**WAITER  
So that's five miso soup,  
Four seaweed salad  
Three soy burger dinner,  
Two tofu dog platter  
And one pasta with meatless balls**_

_****_

BOHEMIAN  
Eww

COLLINS  
It tastes the same

MIMI  
If you close your eyes

WAITER  
And thirteen orders of fries  
Is that it here?

ALL  
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL  
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries  
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese  
To leather, to dildos, to curry Vindaloo  
To Huevos Rancheros, and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS  
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,  
Creation, Vacation

MARK  
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS  
Compassion, to fashion, to passion  
When it's new

COLLINS  
To Sontag

ANGEL  
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE  
To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER  
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS  
Lenny Bruce

ROGER  
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN  
To the stage!

PERSON #1  
To Uta

PERSON #2  
To Buddha

PERSON #3  
Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI  
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow  
To blow off Auntie Em

_**ALL  
La Vie Bohem**_**e......**

**Soon it was intermission, Lyss did not get up. She did not need to get up, she just need to sit there, forget she was sick, and relax. She was on a high. The rest of the show was a blur for Lyss. She was tired, but not tired enough to fall asleep. She remember 'Take Me Or Leave Me' because it was Idina and Tracie but almost nothing else. The last thing she remembers about the show is Finale B.**

**_WOMEN - MEN  
I Can't Control - Will I Lose My Dignity  
My Destiny - Will Someone Care  
I Trust My Soul - Will I Wake Tomorrow  
My Only Goal - From  
Is Just To Be - This Nightmare  
Without You - There's Only  
The Hand Gropes - Now... There's Only  
The Ear Hears - Here... Give In To  
The Pulse Beats - Love... Or Live In  
Life Goes On - Fear... No Other  
But I'm Gone - Path... No Other  
Cause I Die - Way... No Day  
Without You - But Today  
I Die Without You - No Day But Today  
I Die Without You - No Day But Today  
I Die Without You - No Day But Today  
I Die Without You - No Day But Today  
I Die Without You - No Day But Today_**

**_ALL  
No Day But Today~_**

**Almost immediately the crowd was on their feet as an applause erupted. Addie and Ali helped Lyss on her feet as the cast took her bow. Lyss was actually in tears. She turned to look at Addison.**

**"Thank you," she mouthed. Addison hugged her as the crowd continued to cheer. Everyone was ecstatic, cheering as the standing ovation continued. As soon as the curtains closed it slowly, and by slowly meaning very very very slowly everything started to calm down. When the theatre began clearing and Lyss got in her wheelchair Addie stuttered.**

**"Uh..... uh...... I have to go do something and I don't want to lose you guys," she said.**

**"Well meet us at the car..." Sophia started.**

**"No," Izzie said quickly.**

**"It will just be easier to meet you back here, so just wait, all of you just wait," she said and ran off into another direction.**

**"What is she up to?" Lyss said staring off to where her Aunt disappeared in the crowd that was thinning out.**

**"I don't know?" Mere lied but Lyss could see through it, she could read her mom like a book.  
**

**"Just remember what I said Christmas Eve," Lyss muttered closing her eyes. It seemed like forever until Addison came back, Lyss wasn't sleep, just really tired. Her eyes shot open when she heard all the girls scream. **

**Standing in front of her besides her Aunt Addie were Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp, Idina Menzel, Taye Diggs, Jesse L. Martin, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, and Tracie Toms.**

**Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped open, and she blinked a couple times to make sure she wasn't dreaming.**

**"Pinch.... pinch me, I must be dreaming," Lyss choked out.**

**"Your not Lyss," Mere said in her ear.**

**"So, I am guessing your Alyssa," Adam said motioning to Lyss. To stunned to speak she shook her head up and down. Mere helped her stand up.**

**"We heard your bit of a Rent fan," Idina said. Again Lyss nodded.**

**"A bit, uh..... she's obsessed," Kelsey said. Lyss slapped her.**

**"Kelsey," she hissed.**

**"Oh but I think she is just obsessed with broadway to begin with," Kels added. Lyss glared at her again.**

**"So-sorry about my sister, she is a bit of a brat," Lyss said and laughed nervously. This time Kelsey slapped her.**

**"I guess you are into theater," Tracie said.**

**"Very, me and Ali are.... well now Ali, are in a drama camp," she said as Ali came up next to her. She looked down sadly. **

**"I'm glad to here it," Wilson said.**

**"I.... I just can't.... can't believe it," Lyss stuttered.**

**"Well believe it babe," Ali joked.**

**"When your Aunt Addison told us about you, we all just had to meet the great Rent fan," Jesse told her. Lyss blushed.**

**"Don't be embarrassed hun," Idina said. "This is the kind of stuff we live for. Fans like you."  
**

**Within the next few minutes Lyss and the others had hugged each of them, had pictures taken with them, and were probably in a daze for the entire thing. Idina, Adam, and Tracie had come up to Mere.**

**"So cancer," Adam said snapping Mere out of her gaze.**

**"Uh... yeah, it's leukemia, stage four," Mere said quietly.**

**"She doesn't look it right now," Idina commented. She looked at Alyssa who was smiling and talking to Taye and Jesse along with Ali and Sophia.**

**"It's tricky like that, and I would just like to say thank you. You made her day, her world, I have never seen her happier in my life," Mere said.**

**"We're glad to help," Tracie said.**

**"Yeah, me and her father, well almost her entire family are surgeons and there is nothing that seems to be working," Mere said sadly.**

**"I'm sorry," Adam said sympathetically. **

**"These kind of things are great for her...." Meredith sighed. "Her father and I like to think that it makes it easier for her to not give up, to keep fighting."**

**"There's doubt?" Idina questioned. Meredith nodded.**

**"Right now, she is kind of distracted from her cancer. Like... meeting you guys, especially you two," she motioned to Idina and Adam. "Is such a big thing to her but when she gets back home, when the excitement where's off, a light goes out in her eyes. She can't eat, she can't get up, she can barely talk, and all she does is sleep."**

**"What do you mean like us two?" Adam asked. Meredith laughed.**

**"She's probably your biggest fan.... or one of them," Meredith told them.**

**"In what way?" Idina asked, smiling.**

**"Well to Adam," Meredith began. "She probably has so many posters of you, and looks up on the computer at least once a month to see if you are on Tour and coming to Seattle or L.A, you know because of Addison. When I first let her and her friend Ali see the movie when she was 8, it was like love at first sight." Adam chuckled.**

**"Eight?" Tracie questioned. **

**"Lyss has a pout," Meredith explained.**

**"Oh," Tracie laughed.**

**"And for you Idina," Meredith continued. "It started way before Rent. When she got the Wicked CD when she was 6 she automatically claimed you as her idol." Idina laughed. "She has all your CD's, knows every song, and knows every word. She dances as well and last year she did a solo to your song 'Brave' and I mean, it took all of her willpower to not sing it while she was dancing at competition. She took first too. She has never loved any other singer more then you. We've actually been to several of your concerts, but never as close as we were today."**

**"I think I should be honored," Idina said.**

**"You should," Meredith nodded. "All of you should because Lyss wants to be on broadway so bad she worships at your feet... but I think she wants to be a surgeon too so I really want to see how that works out."**

**"I'm so glad we could help," Idina said and Adam and Tracie agreed.  
**

**They walked back over and said goodbye. They went back into the car and no one could stoop talking or thanking.**

**"Aunt Addie," Lyss said. "Now how did you do that?"**

**"Like I said it helps to live in L.A," she said. Lyss stared at her. "Okay fine, Adam Pascal had come to Sam for something and it just so happens I met him in the hallway. I told him how much all of you loved Rent and how he was one of your idols Lyss and...."**

**"I don't really care how you did it, THANK YOU!" she cried. **

**"Your welcome," Addie said. They had kept on talking but by the time they had made it home it was 5 o'clock and Lyss was sound asleep on Addison. Derek had come out to meet them.**

**"So how was it?" he asked.**

**"Just look at her, she's exhausted," Mere said as Derek leaned in over Addie to pick Lyss up.**

**"It was unbelievable Daddy," Kelsey said. "We met the cast and Lyss looked like she would have a heart attack." Derek laughed. They said goodbye to everyone and got Lyss in. Derek placed her on the couch and eventually carried her up to her bed with Lyss not stirring. It wasn't until he placed her in the bed when she woke up and by then it was 9 o'clock.**

**"Daddy? Mommy?" she said.**

**"We're here baby," Derek said.**

**"Today, today was....."**

**"We know," Mere said kissing her forehead.**

**"Did you...." Lyss asked.**

**"Yes," Derek answered. He knew he was talking about adding the Rent poster to her collection of course this one was different, it had everyone's signatures on it. Everything did including her mug, her shirts, her playbill, and her tickets. Lyss smiled.**

**"I love you," she said to both of them.**

**"We love you too," Mere said.**

**"Now sleep well angel," Derek said. **

**"I will." Lyss turned over and fell into a deep sleep but not before thinking....**

**Today was definitely the best day ever. Bu how long could that feeling last?**

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**Next chapter is going to be the beginning of her induction chemotherapy. Poor Lyss, a month in the hospital. Bad food, annoying doctors, (Mark) and feeling ten times worse then she has in the past 4 months...... or 3, I kind of lost count but whatever :) I will say it is in about February or late January, actually, December 21st if anyone remembers what that is..... Oh yeah, and through all of the induction, Lyss still has radiation. Will she be able to get through all the pain?**

**Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	50. Chapter 50: Happy Birthday Chemotherapy

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;) **

**This chapter is Lyss's first day of induction, and guess when it begins, on her birthday January 21st. It's three days after Rent. WOW 50 chapters!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how far my story has come!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for all who stuck with it!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the idea that first shows itself in this chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**Mere felt horrible. It had to begin today. There was no other choice. It would be too late if they didn't start today. Why did today have to be January 21st? January 21st was Lyss's birthday. She was turning 14. As Meredith met Derek in the hallway they shared a sad glance. Although they didn't like to think of it this way, they imagined this being her last birthday. Last time she would ever turn a year older. Mere remembered back to the day she was born. Her first and only preemie baby, a fighter from the beginning, but why was she giving up now?**

**They opened her door slowly. Mere went over to her bed quietly Derek by her side and rubbed her back gently. Lyss stirred and her eyes fluttered open and met Mere's sleepily.**

**"Happy birthday angel," she said to her smiling.**

**"Happy birthday baby," Derek said simultaneously. Lyss pushed herself up.**

**"14 years," she said quietly. Mere leaned forward and kissed her on the head. Lyss smiled.**

**"That's right," Derek said kissing her after Mere.**

**"It's today isn't it," Lyss said sadly. "I start induction don't I."**

**"I'm sorry baby girl," Mere told her. Lyss sighed and silent tears ran down her face. Derek was quick to brush them away.**

**"This was the only time... I get it," Lyss sighed, looking down. Meredith put her hand under her chin and lifted her head to look in her eyes.**

**"Okay... induction chemo may suck... but it doesn't mean your gonna stop kicking this cancer's ass," Meredith told her. "If anything, this will just help kick it's ass faster. You rocked at regular chemo, you made the tumor hide in fear, this is nothing compared to what you have been through. Understand?" Meredith didn't mean to be so harsh but she wanted to get her point across to her daughter and Lyss could be very stubborn. **

**"Yes Ma'am," Lyss giggled weakly.**

**"Good," Meredith nodded and grabbed a shirt. Gently she helped Lyss lift her arms and slide the shirt over top. Pants were easy because Lyss was already wearing sweatpants and she had to get into a gown at the hospital anyway**

**"Come on baby, we have to be at the hospital by 8," Derek said sadly and helped her up.**

**"Okay Daddy," she said. They helped her out the door and downstairs. No one except Sophia was awake since it was a weekend.**

**"Hey Mom, hey dad," she said. "Happy birthday Lyss!"**

**"Hey Phia, and thanks," Lyss said sadly looking down. Sophia looked at her sadly remembering how excited she used to be on her birthday. Sophia placed her arms gently around her sister and gave her the biggest hug she could without hurting her.**

**"I'll keep an eye on everyone, and I will drive them over later okay," Sophia said.**

**"Okay, thanks Phia," Derek said kissing her forehead. Lyss looked at her sister. She too was like a ghost of her old self. No longer bright and chipper, only acting that way. Her eyes were dull and sad and her face was always pale. It must be exhausting for her to take on all the new responsibilities she has now because of Lyss's cancer. Lyss felt responsible for Sophia's new appearance.**

**Like everything had become nowadays the car ride was a blur. Her parents talked to her, she responded, but Lyss couldn't remember what she said. The chemo she had been administered for the past month before the induction had been pretty brutal. Even though it's main goal was to manage the spread of the cancer while allowing her red and white blood cells to replenish, it hadn't helped much. All it did was make her throw up and go delirious.**

**Pulling up to the hospital, she could see her Aunt Izzie and Aunt Miranda already waiting for her with a wheelchair. Meredith and Derek eased her out of the car and helped her walk towards the entrance where she was placed in the wheelchair. With one reluctant look back towards the outside world, Lyss watched as the sliding glass doors cut off her communication with the outside world for the next month or two, other than the window in her hospital room.**

**The next thing she knew she was getting into a hospital gown in her regular room. Soon enough there was many people in her room. Dr. Hanes, Miranda, Izzie, and Callie as doctors. But also Christina, Owen, Lexie, George, Alex, Richard, Meredith, and Derek, for support. **

**"Okay Lyss," Izzie sighed and gave her a comforting smile. "To begin this we are going to insert an IV into your vein which will provide your body with constant doses of..." Izzie went on to explain more medical junk. ****She didn't understand anything they explained but she went along with it. All she knew was that it was continuous. That she could move around, but only by wheelchair. Plus, Lyss still needed radiation on top of all of it.**

**"The affect of this type of chemo on your bones will be much more severe, and much more fatal. You will lose a significant amount of bone mass and your red and white blood cells will deplete very quickly," Callie then explained. It was much easier to listen to her Aunt Callie's explanations. The bones were much easier to understand then understanding all the chemicals and the affects of the chemicals that are being dumped into her body.**

**Then Dr. Hanes and Miranda began speaking as well. Callie's explanations were the end of the understanding. Lyss attempted to absorb even a little, but her heart was racing, her hands were shaking. She could feel herself on the break of a meltdown, her mother sensed it too because immediately she kicked everyone out of the room. Meredith then rushed to her daughter's bedside.**

**"Mom... Mom... Mommy," Lyss cried. She didn't care that the blinds were open and everyone was watching. She didn't care that the door was open and everyone could hear. **

**"Shhh baby girl," Meredith soothed. "I know this is a lot." She rubbed gentle circles on her back attempting to soothe her terrified daughter.**

**"I... I don't want to have cancer anymore," she wailed. "It... it... it's too much. I... I can't handle it. I want my birthday to be about becoming a year older, doing 14 year old stuff, not getting chemo for my stupid cancer. The cancer that is ruining my life! I just want to be normal!"**

**"I know Alycat," Derek whispered in her ear, using her nickname that came after Lyss, one of Derek's 'cute' nicknames for each of his children. Sophia was Princess, Hayley was Bunny, Paige was Bear, Lyss was Alycat, Jake was Snake, Kelsey was Butterfly, and Noah was always just Bud.**

**"Daddy," Lyss sniffed. "You haven't called me that in a while."**

**"You said you were too old for it," Derek told her.**

**"Well I was wrong," Lyss sighed. She gently leaned into her mom's embrace.**

**"Are you okay?" Mere asked as she started calming down.**

**"I'm scared," Lyss whimpered.**

**"I know sweetheart, but this is the finishing line," Derek reassured. Lyss looked up and nodded. Everyone filed in and explained things much easier to her, a lot lighter, even if Lyss wasn't listening anymore.**

**At the blink of an eye Lyss realized that they were ready to insert the IV. She had gotten them done tons of times before. She's had surgery three times before. But why was she so scared? She stuck out her arm and breathed out a deep sigh. As the needle entered her vein it was hurting, hurting, and then the pain was gone, like always. Except now the chemo would be pumped through it. And then it started hurting again, throbbing almost. Burning and ripping through Lyss's skin bringing tears to her eyes. The next thing Lyss remembered was being alone in the room with Meredith and Derek. They came to her bedside.**

**"Hey baby," Mere said stoking her face. That's when she pulled out a scarf and wrapped it around her head. Lyss nodded tearfully.**

**"We are so proud of you baby girl, immensely proud," Derek whispered in her ear. She looked at him the tears still in her eyes. He sighed and kissed her on the forehead.**

**"Everything will be alright baby," Mere said taking her hand. "Everything will be alright." Her voice now dropped to a whisper. Lyss's eyes started dropping.**

**"Rest baby," Derek said. "We won't leave." Of course he didn't know that that was the last thing Lyss wanted. Them practically living in the hospital, neglecting any time to spend with the others or each other. She just wanted them to rest. But she couldn't let them know that.**

**"I know," she whispered as she lay her head on her pillow. Derek still stroking her face and Mere still holding her hand until she drifted into an uneasy and fitful sleep. Derek stopped stroking her face and looked at Mere who wouldn't let go of Lyss's hand.**

**"Mere," he whispered even though he knew it was a slim chance of waking Lyss up since she was exhausted.**

**"Did you see her face," Mere said. "So scared, so innocent. She doesn't deserve this. I don't think she comprehended one thing they explained Der. She said it herself, she can't handle it."**

**"I know, but we couldn't intervene anymore then we did. They may be our family Mere but they are Lyss's doctors. It will be alright," he told her.**

**"But she is giving up," Mere said.**

**"You don't know that Mere."**

**"I do know it. I know my daughter. She's me after all."**

**"Of course you do, but I don't think she would leave us so easily."**

**"But it's not easily, you know that Derek. She has been fighting and is so tired already. She's fighting for us, and us only. There has got to be a way for her to see that there is a reason to fight more then that. Give her hope or something. I can't let her die, you know that." Derek nodded and stayed silent for a moment, then it came to him.**

**"Like a support group?" Mere's eyes lit up and she could have kissed him right then if Lyss wasn't between them. At once ideas ran through her mind.**

**"Yes! There are other patients here who have cancer. And we could get some people from private practices to all gather. It's perfect Derek!"**

**"Then go find Izzie, I am sure she will want to help you." Mere took a wary glance at Lyss.**

**"I won't leave her. And if I have to I will get someone else to make sure they are there when she wakes up." Mere stood up. Kissed Lyss, then Derek, and left the room happily. Derek's gaze returned to Lyss as he grasped her hand in his.**

**Mere was walking through the hallway and found Izzie in a conference room with Miranda, Callie, and Lexie obviously about Lyss. Mere opened the door.**

**"Meredith what are you doing here," Izzie said hastily closing the book she had in front of her quickly.**

**"I have an idea," Mere said excitedly.**

**"What?" Miranda asked warily knowing with Meredith it could be either good or crazy.**

**"A support group," she said.**

**"For what?" Lexie asked.**

**"For kids with cancer," Mere said. Everyone smiled. "To cheer up Lyss!"**

**"That's a great idea Mere," Izzie exclaimed.**

**"You know, it kind of is," Miranda said.**

**"There are more cancer patients then just Lyss in this hospital," Lexie commented.**

**"Well you guys set that up," Callie said standing up. "I have surgery." They all began talking and soon it was all set. Back with Lyss Christina was kicking Derek out of her room.**

**"But she's my daughter," he protested.**

**"Just let me have some time with your daughter McDreamy," Christina said closing the door. About two minutes after he left Lyss's eyes opened.**

**"Happy birthday half-pint," Christina said.**

**"Yeah..... happy," Lyss muttered. She put her hand to her mouth, it never came this soon before. Immediately Christina grabbed the bin and held it under her as she vomited violently. Lyss looked up, disgusted. "Yeah, this birthday is just full of excitement."**

**"Oh come on, cheer up, you're 14!" Christina said.**

**"Yes but 14 could also be how old I am for the rest of.... well you know," Lyss said sadly.**

**"Don't think like that Mini-Mer," Christina said. Lyss laughed as she was handed a cup of water. "You know what my birthday present is?" Christina asked her.**

**"What?" Lyss groaned.**

**"You're father has a hemispherectomy scheduled on Tuesday," she said with a wink. Lyss's smile grew.**

**"Yes!" Lyss exclaimed. "We haven't done that since..."**

**"You're 13th birthday." Lyss rolled her eyes.**

**"No, remember in the summer."**

**"That you just wanted to piss you're parents off."**

**"No it was so cool, I never saw a heart transplant before."**

**"Yeah."**

**"And it was funny because was your patient until they decided they didn't want you. You were more pissed then my parents."**

**"Don't remind me." Lyss laughed.**

**"But it's funny." Lyss smiled weakly but very sweetly.**

**"Just for that I am not telling you about it." Lyss's eyes widened.**

**"What?"**

**"Nothing."**

**"What!"**

**"Nothing!"**

**"Aunt Christina."**

**"Alyssa."**

**"That's not fair."**

**"I don't have to be fair, I am older."**

**"But I have cancer."**

**"The cancer card huh..."**

**"Please please please please please......"**

**"Fine."**

**"Yes."**

**"Izzie planned a little party."**

**"No," Lyss groaned.**

**"It's not going to be horrible."**

**"It's Aunt Izzie your talking about." She shuddered remembering Christmas.**

**"Actually it was Ali, Melissa, Becca, Hannah, Nikki, Brittany, and Ava's idea."**

**"Some friends."**

**"You do hate party's. Oh yeah, I didn't tell you okay." Christina winked.**

**"Okay." Lyss fell back asleep. Even though Lyss was aware of the party she wasn't ready for it. Like Christmas she heard scuffling around the room. She sighed. Warily she opened her eyes.**

**"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled. Lyss groaned and closed her eyes. Of course she had a glimpse of the room. A big banner in the corner, balloons galore, and crete paper.**

**"Come on Lyss," Mere said.**

**"Induction," was all Lyss could say muffled through the pillow she just put on her face.**

**"Happy birfday Lyssa," Noah said hopping onto her bed.**

**"Noah," Lyss groaned.**

**"Come on Lyss," Ali said.**

**"I am sick here people and at the moment freaking chemicals running through my veins, does that sound like I am in the mood for a party. This morning I had a mental breakdown because the chemo is too much for me, do you think a party is in my best interest." This didn't have any effect on any of them. They were used to her grouchiness already.**

**"Just because you are hooked up to a machine doesn't mean I still can't pick you up," the voice of Mark said. Lyss's eyes widened, took the pillow off, her head shot up, and her arms went up, surrendering.**

**"I'm up, I'm up, okay!" she said. "HAPPY!" Everyone laughed.**

**"Yes, yes we are," Izzie joked as Lyss scowled. This was her family, never taking no for an answer. She loved them for it. The Lyss looked to the corner where her friends were gathered.**

**"You all," she muttered. They all smiled innocently and walked over.**

**"Yes Lyss," Hannah laughed.**

**"I hate you all," she said.**

**"Oh you know you love us girl," Becca laughed.**

**"Keep believing that Becks and see where it takes ya," Lyss said, semi-serious.**

**"Fine, then I won't tell you what happened to your former boyfriend and best friend," Ali laughed. Lyss leaned in and smiled.**

**"Alison," Alex growled. "Not a word." Ali looked at her father and sighed.**

**"Thanks, ruin my fun Uncle Alex," Lyss muttered.**

**"Lyss, the party is supposed to be fun," Derek informed her.**

**"Yeah... fun..." she broke off. "No," was all she muttered before her hand flew to her mouth. At once everyone jumped into action. Her friends stepped away while her parents and several others stepped forward. Meredith held the bin under her as she started throwing up. Everyone around her went silent. When she was done, Meredith rubbed her back gently before she looked up with an anguished expression on her face.**

**"So who wants cake," Mark said trying to lighten the mood. Lyss smiled and grabbed her pillow behind her back. When Mark was distracted she flung it in his direction. It hit him square in the face and he stepped back it shock.**

**"I do," she laughed, answering his previous questioned and the whole room erupted in laughter, even Mark.**

**Lyss sat in her bed and talked with the people. Opened their presents, and tried to fall asleep on many occasions. Succeeded once, but Noah took care of that. Overall it was nice, but now a little different then Christmas since there were two problems now. One she was in the hospital on her birthday, and two, she had chemo running through her veins on her birthday. Luckily she refrained from throwing up anymore then she already did. If she thought this was bad, imagine what they have in store for her tomorrow.**

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**Next chapter is the support group, it's going to be pretty long... maybe.**

**I got my 8 reviews, can we go for 9 next time? :) or you can just wait for my update which is coming soon :)**

**Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	51. Chapter 51: Chase

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

This chapter is after her birthday. After one day of seeing Lyss so depressed in the hospital, Izzie, Mere, Lexie, and Miranda get a support group together of others who have cancer in the hospital so they can share their experiences and it helps Lyss in more ways then one. There is this boy Chase Marshall who is also 14 years old and has leukemia. It turns out there rooms are right next door. The two of them started talking and found a real connection. Well I guess you will see, it's so cute.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Throwing up. The best way to wake up in the morning in a hospital is throwing up. Because nurses flood your room, hold a bin in front of you, then help clean you up. You are moved around, poked and prodded in so many ways it's not even funny. That's how Lyss woke up the morning after her birthday. Lyss had began to vomit violently and woke up Meredith and Derek in the process. Then of course afterwards they were extremely worried about her. In the hospital it's like you are suffocating with attention much to Lyss's drugged up and shaky dismay.

Since Lyss was in pain they gave her some morphine because the chemo was so intense. What do you know? She has an allergic reaction to it by 6 o'clock in the morning and throws up again. After vomiting violently for the third time that day, they gave her a sedative much to Lyss's dismay. Even though she was out of pain she would rather not be in pain at all. Not have to get drugged up, not have to have cancer. Lyss was still sleeping when Meredith and Derek woke up around 8. Derek had a shift this morning and Mere had one this afternoon.

"Good Morning Derek," Mere said.

"Morning Mere," he said as Izzie walked into the room.

"Hey, I heard she had a rough time last night," she said looking at a sleeping Lyss.

"That's an understatement, it was hell," Derek said bidding them a goodbye.

"What happened?" Izzie asked as Mere took a seat next to Lyss.

"Well she woke up about 1 in the morning to vomit and afterwards fell back asleep. Then woke up again at 3 in pain and throwing up again so they gave her morphine. It seemed to work, she fell back asleep but then at 6 she had an allergic reaction to it and started vomiting violently again. They took her off it, she threw up again, so we gave her a sedative and she has been fine ever since."

"Some night," Izzie breathed.

"And the worst is still to come," Mere said sadly taking Lyss's hand. "She has a strong risk for infection, she will be pumped with antibiotics, more morphine..... there are so many side effects. You are doing two sessions right."

"Yes, this one is a lower dose so she will start the higher in about two weeks," Izzie said sitting down on a chair beside Mere. She put her hand on her shoulder comfortingly. Mere looked over and smiled.

"It feels like it will never end," Mere said looking back at Lyss.

"Then good thing we are doing induction, because it's goal is to achieve remission," Izzie said strongly.

"When should we all get tested for the bone marrow?" Mere asked.

"After she recovers from the higher dose, we don't want to give any false hope or anything," Izzie told her. Mere nodded and looked back at Lyss. The sedative should wear off soon so they were getting the wheelchair and the IV mobile for her.

"What time is the group meeting?" Mere asked. After they got all the kids together Mere had left to be with Derek, Lyss, and the rest of her kids for a while. She didn't know any of the specifics, she was kind of in a daze.

"Eleven," Izzie said.

"How many kids are there again," Mere asked forgetting momentarily.

"11 kids," Izzie said. "Three of them not including Lyss are in the hospital, the rest are only in here for treatment. Four of the kids have leukemia, all ALL though, Lyss is the only one with AML."

"Really? Did they do induction."

"One did something similar."

"Any of them have bone marrow transplants."

"One, so we should have masks."

"Who is the youngest person."

"One of the other patients, her name is Lucy Campbell. She's 4."

"That's sad."

"Two of them are in remission, Kaitlyn for 6 months, she is 15. And Michael he is 11, he has been for a year. Charlotte the 8 year old has relapsed. She is one of them with the transplant."

"Mommy?" Lyss said her eyes opening.

"Hey baby girl," Mere said standing up.

"Hey Lyss," Izzie said.

"Hi Aunt Izzie," Lyss said. "Mom what happened last night?"

"It was a little rough, you had reactions to the chemo and the morphine. They sedated you," Mere explained. Lyss sighed and looked out the window at the nurses station. Lyss laughed inwardly. They had always given her a room close by in case something was needed.

"I am so tired," she said.

"Well Lyss we have another surprise for you," Izzie said.

"Oh no I...." she groaned and looked at the door.

"It's not bad Lyss," Mere laughed.

"There is a cancer support group meeting today, there are 10 other kids," Izzie said.

"And I am going," Lyss said, there was a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Yes, well if you want," Mere said.

"I do want to, it will be better then sitting her all day. But what if I have to...." Lyss said.

"Don't worry, we have been pumping ant-nausea medication through you all day, you'll be fine," Izzie said knowing what she was thinking.

"Good," Lyss smiled making Mere and Izzie smile too. Lyss fell back asleep and was woken up at 10:30 because it was going to take a while for the transition. It didn't take long too lift her up of course, just keeping her hooked up to the IV. When she was finally situated they wheeled her down to the room. Five kids were already sitting there. Only one, a really young girl was in a wheelchair. The others were sitting in normal chairs. One either had a wig on or was in remission, she was older then Lyss. The other 3 boys and a girl. the girl, about 10 had a scarf on just like Lyss and the other in the wheelchair. Izzie who was pushing her wheelchair wheeled her up next to the other girl in the wheelchair. Lyss smiled at her.

"Hi," the little girl said. "I'm Lucy."

"Hi Lucy," Lyss said sweetly. "I'm Alyssa."

"Alyssa, that's a pretty name," Lucy said.

"Hi," the older girl said. "I'm Kaitlyn." She extended a hand and Lyss shook it.

"Hello," Lyss said.

"How old are you?" she asked Lyss.

"I am four," Lucy said happily sticking up four fingers.

"And you," Kaitlyn asked Lyss.

"14, well yesterday was my birthday," Lyss answered.

"Oh cool, I am 15," she said happily. Lyss looked at the two boys who were talking together. "That's Aaron, Adam, and Michael. Michael's the second youngest, he is in remission like me. Adam, he is the youngest of them." Lyss looked at her sadly. The door opens to reveal another girl walk in and sit down shyly. Her parents followed suit except stood in the back.

"Hi," Kaitlyn said. The girl only smiled and looked down.

"So, which one's are your parents," Kaitlyn asked. As if by clock work Derek walked in and up to Lyss.

"Sweetie, I have a surgery, I will see you later," he said and kissed her on the cheek and turned back.

"Well I guess that's answers your question," Lyss said as he kissed Mere goodbye.

"What does he mean that he has...." Kaitlyn was cut off when another girl was wheeled in. She had a mask on and was followed by a boy being wheeled. The girl looked young around 8 or 9, and the boy looked Lyss's age.

"Oh they have masks, one of them must of had a bone marrow transplant," Kaitlyn said. she got up and grabbed a mask for herself, Lucy, and Lyss.

"Here," she said putting hers on, handing Lyss hers, helping Lucy.

"Thanks," Lyss said and tied it. The two were put near Lucy and Lyss. A few minutes later everyone was there. That's when Izzie and Miranda stepped forward.

"Okay well I am Dr. Bailey and this is Dr. Karev and we organized this group," Bailey said.

"This is just a way to help each other through what you are going through, why don't we start by introducing yourselves and telling us a bit about you," Izzie said stepping back. The parents had already left the room and were outside,

"Okay," Kaitlyn said. "I'm Kaitlyn. I am 15 years old. I was diagnosed when I was 12 and achieved remission 6 months ago. I love to play soccer." The other girl in the wheelchair was next.

"Hi," she said in a small voice. "I'm Charlotte. I am 8. I love to play the piano." Next it was Lucy.

"I'm Lucy," she said energetically even though she was hooked up to oxygen. "I am 4 years old. I like to color!" Lyss laughed.

"I'm Alyssa, my friends call me Lyss," she said less enthusiastically. "I am 14 years old. I was diagnosed 5 months ago and just found out that it is chemo-resistant. I love to dance, play field hockey, and am into drama." The boy next to her in the wheelchair was next.

"I'm Chase. I am 14 years old too. I was diagnosed a year ago. I like cars and to play football." They continued. the rest of them were Aaron who is 16, Michael who is 11, Adam who is 7, Leah who is 7, Jessica who is 10, and Audrey who is 12. They began talking.

"So Alyssa," Kaitlyn said.

"Call me Lyss," she said smiling.

"So Lyss," Kaitlyn resumed. "What did your dad mean about the surgery."

"Oh," Lyss said. She eyed Chase and realized that he was listening in along with Lucy, Charlotte, and Audrey. "My parents are doctors here."

"Wow that must be awkward," Audrey said.

"Yeah, very. I know everyone in this place. They all know me. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Karev, well I just call them Aunt Miranda and Aunt Izzie," Lyss explained.

"Why?" Charlotte asked.

"Well my Mom did her residency here as did many of them. My Aunt Miranda, well she was in charge of my mom. And my Aunt Izzie, Aunt Christina, Uncle Alex, and Uncle George were interns with her. And my Aunt Lexie, she is actually my Aunt, but that's a long story. My Uncle Mark is my dad's best friend and also a plastic surgeon. And my Uncle Richard, he is the chief here but kind of like another father to my mom. And my Aunt Addie, well she was my dad's ex-wife."

"Wow," Kaitlyn said.

"I thought I had high expectations," Chase spoke for the first time since the introductions.

"Yeah, my parents are two of the best neurosurgeons on the west coast. Maybe even the world."

"What's a neuwosuwgeon," Lucy asked.

"It's just a doctor who fixes brains," Lyss said. they resumed talk but now about the cancer.

"What type did you have?" Lyss asked Kaitlyn.

"Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma," she answered and asked Lyss.

"AML, well acute myelogenous leukemia," Lyss said.

"Mine is ALL, acute lymphoblastic leukemia," Chase said.

"Same here," Charlotte said and Audrey nodded in agreement. They got on different topics about sports and what they liked to do. Lyss was smiling and laughing feeling a lot better, that's when Chase came over to her.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," she said unsure.

"What are you in here for anyway?" he asked.

"Induction chemo," she said.

"What's that?"

"Continuous chemo," Lyss explained, motioning to the IV.

"I had something like that," Chase told her. "Just for three days, it was two weeks ago."

"Was it your second round?"

"Uh..... the doctors decided to only do one," he said quietly. "Because it's different and not whatever you have."

"Lucky, I am on on my first round, low dose and I already feel like crap."

"That sucks."

"I didn't have a wink of sleep last night until they sedated me so I must look like shit."

"You don't," he murmured.

"What was that?"

"You don't look, you look.... uh... great," his face turned red with embarrassment. The way her eyes sparkled got to him.

"Thanks, you don't look half bad yourself," she said smiling. And it was true, despite the bald head his bright blue eyes burned into her skin. His smile was flawless untouched by the treatment. His skin was pale, but beautiful, he seemed to sparkle. He actually reminded her a little of Derek. Chase looked down embarrassed again.

"So you like field hockey."

"Yes, it's pretty awesome. Two years ago it was so funny I broke my arm and needed surgery."

"How is that funny."

"Cause I am a klutz."

"I did something like that in football, well it was my knee, big mistake."

"I was staring off in space and a ball hit my arm and I fell. It was so stupid."

"You're not stupid." Lyss laughed.

"Thanks. You know who is stupid, my family."

"Why?"

"Well I have CNS involvement with my cancer. So I came in with a spiked fever and it turned out to be a tumor. I had to spend Christmas here."

"Me too."

"Well they ended up decorating my entire room and doing this whole big thing and I wanted to kill them. I was so tired and annoyed."

"Wait, what room are you in?" he asked.

"204, why?"

"I am in 205, I think I heard you screaming." They laughed.

"Yes well they decided to wake me up with my youngest brother Noah in my face."

"You have siblings, me too."

"How many do you have?"

"Three. Two sisters and a brother. I am oldest. And you?"

"Six. Three older sisters, one younger sister, and two younger brothers."

"You in the middle aren't you?"

"Yeah, it sucks."

"What are there names?"

"Well Sophia, she is the oldest. She is 17. Hayley and Paige, they are twins, they are 15. Jake, he is 12. Kelsey she is 9. And Noah, he is 4 almost 5. What about you?"

"Annabelle is 9, Ryan is 7, and Lily is 3."

"Wow, they are so young, they must get on your nerves."

"That's an understatement."

"It sucks that you don't have anyone older than you."

"Yeah, but I guess I don't want 6 brothers and sisters either."

"One word..... ANNOYING!" They laughed. Lyss couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to Chase. The only boys she ever talked to was Jake, or Noah, or even Bryan. Bryan was an ass and Jake and Noah was awkward and weird. Chase listened to her and respected her and.... thought she looked great. He knew what she was going through and it was awesome. Lyss smiled. For the next twenty minutes they talked until they went over with everyone else.

"Hey guys," Kaitlyn said.

"Hey," Lyss said sharing a glance with Chase.

"Lyss, look what I made," Lucy said holding up a picture.

"Wow Lucy, that's awesome!" Lyss said trying to hand it back.

"It's for you. You can put it up in your room so you can always remember me!" she said happily.

"Silly, I will still be in the hospital too," Lyss said.

"You will be, maybe we will see each other," she said happily.

"Yeah, maybe," Lyss said.

"Maybe in treatment," Lucy suggested.

"Who knows? But we will definitely see each other again."

"Still keep the picture though," she insisted.

"I will, I promise," Lyss said. She rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"You feeling okay?" Kaitlyn asked Lyss.

"It's just the chemo, it...."

"Wipes you out I know. But I guess I don't know, I haven't had it constantly like you are."

"It's only for a week, but I also have radiation."

"Just stick through it."

"I will. Hey and now I have a picture to put up in my room." Kaitlyn laughed.

"That's my picture," Lucy said proudly. Charlotte was sitting a little ways off.

"What's wrong with her, other than the cancer I mean?" Lyss asked.

"She relapsed," Chase said.

"After only 4 months but 2 years of treatment," Kaitlyn said.

"But she is only 8, she was 6 when she got it," Lyss said.

"Yeah."

"I thought I had it bad."

"Alyssa, where is your Mom going?" Leah asked.

"She is starting her shift, she has to work today," Lyss told her. Mere waved bye to her and Lyss waved back. Izzie winked at her and Lyss laughed.

"Dr. Karev is my doctor too," Lucy said.

"Really," Lyss said sounding interested even though she knew it already.

"Yeah...... What does your room look like?" she asked. Lucy definitely changed topics fast.

"It's just a plain white room except mine has a bunch of chairs because of my big family," Lyss said.

"That's boring, my room has pictures of flowers all around it and it's yellow," Lucy informed her. Lyss knew that because she was on the pediatric floor.

"Wow, it must be pretty," Kaitlyn said. She looked at Audrey and Jessica who were talking beside them. Lucy was still drawing a picture Lyss noticed. That was when she called out.

"Charlotte, come here," she said anxiously.

"What?" she said.

"I made a picture for your room too," Lucy said handing one to her.

"Thanks Lucy," she said.

"Alyssa, maybe we will see Charlotte too!" Lucy said.

"Yeah maybe," Lyss said distracted. She was looking at Chase who was talking to Aaron and Michael. Lucy and Charlotte said something else but Lyss didn't hear.

"Alyssa," Kaitlyn said.

"Oh sorry what?" Lyss stuttered.

"Are you on the same floor as us?" Charlotte asked.

"No I am on the second floor, you are on the third," Lyss said.

"Why?" Lucy asked.

"I don't know why, but I am sure you guys can come see me and I can come see you," Lyss said.

"And if they had it there way I would still be in the hospital," Kaitlyn whispered in her ear. Lyss laughed.

"Hey Lucy," Lyss said. "Chase is in the hospital too, I am sure he would love a picture too."

"Okay," she said excitedly and started drawing again.

"it must be hard for you," Kaitlyn said. "You know, knowing everyone here in the hospital."

"It can be... awkward."

"I bet, it was bad enough when I was here. I still remember the day I found out I was in remission I was so happy and..... I am sure that will happen with you soon."

"Me too. And you know how bad it is, I came here about a a month and a half ago with a fever and it ended up being because of a tumor. My body was working hard to fight of the infection and all. Well apparently I had a seizure."

"Wow, but obviously you are fine."

"Yeah but I still remember my parents faces when I came out of it. The last time they were that scared was when I found out I had cancer."

"I can't remember it very well because it was 3 years ago, but obviously I can still remember the chemo because it was only 6 months ago. It was horrible. Oh sorry."

"It's fine. I was sedated earlier so it's not the bad, the pain just ebbs. Not many of us know how it feels like, just me and Chase. Chase wasn't exactly induction but similar. For Chase it must have been a last resort because AML induction is part of treatment."

"You start out that aggressive."

"Well AML is less common in kids, obviously not me though. So they started me less aggressive but had to start me with induction when I was chemo-resistant. They hope the constant chemo will keep it balanced or get me remission until I can have a bone marrow transplant, if there is anyone." There was a knock on the glass, Derek was outside and he was holding Noah.

"Who's that?"

"My little brother Noah, he is 4."

"He's adorable, is he your only sibling."

"No I have 5 others. They must be around the hospital somewhere, Sophia must have driven them."

"I am guessing Sophia's the oldest."

"Yes, she is 17. Hayley and Paige are twins and are 15. Then there is me. Then my younger brother Jake who is 12. Then Kelsey who is 9, then Noah."

"Sounds like a bit of a Clan."

"That's exactly what my Uncle Mark and Aunt Christina call us." The two of them chatted a little longer until Lucy finished her picture for Chase.

"Chase," she squealed as he wheeled his wheelchair up next to her.

"What?" he asked.

"I made you a picture for your room," she said.

"Thank you," he said and smiled at Lyss. Lyss laughed and smiled back. She almost forgot that she was sick for a little, unless of course you can forget the big machine attached to her wheelchair, the fact she was in a wheelchair, and the IV in her arm.

"Alyssa," Lucy said.

"What Lucy?"

"We made more pictures for your room so it won't be boring any more," she told her handing her a small stack of papers with pictures made by Lucy, Leah, and Charlotte.

"You know you will have to put those up," Kaitlyn whispered in her ear. "She will probably check." Lyss nodded.

"That's what my dad is for," she laughed. That's when a doctor came in to get Charlotte back to her room.

"Has it been two hours already?" Audrey said.

"Yes," Izzie said. "Everyone who is a patient here has to go back to there room."

"Izzie?" Lucy asked.

"Yes Lucy?" Iz said.

"Can Alyssa and Charlotte visit me soon," she asked.

"I am sure that can be arranged," Izzie laughed looking at Lyss who smirked. Izzie went behind Lyss's wheelchair. Lyss hugged Kaitlyn, Audrey, Jessica, Charlotte, Lucy, and Leah goodbye. Izzie wheeled her out followed by Chase.

"I guess I will see you around," Chase said.

"My rooms next to your I am sure," Lyss said. She smiled at him and he smiled back. Izzie pushed her into her room and Derek helped with the transition back into the bed.

"How you feeling?" Derek asked.

"Uh.... like crap. I didn't feel like that a second ago," Lyss said.

"Then the group did it's job," Izzie said as Derek left the room to get Noah.

"Yeah, but now I need to...." she lurched forward and quickly Izzie grabbed the bin and held it in front of her. Lyss began vomiting violently. Izzie rubbed her back gently as she threw up until the spell subsided.

"So Lyss... Chase."

"Don't even go there," she said.

"You two really um.... connected."

"Aunt Izzie."

"Come on, he is cute."

"Kind of, but...."

"But what?"

"Nothing." The truth was she wouldn't trust any boy again as much as she did ever since Bryan. But Chase did seem different. Lyss wasn't sure how she was feeling.

"Um... I guess you should know that Lucy is in room 367 if she ever...."

"I'll keep a mental note of it. Although I am sure she will get someone to call me for her first."

"Yeah." Izzie laughed. She hesitated for a second and realized that Lyss had fallen asleep. She pulled the covers up and took her scarf off, stoked her cheek once, and left the room. Lyss thought about what Izzie said. Chase was cute. He was nice. Nothing like Bryan. There was something that she was feeling in the pit of her stomach that she never felt before, not even with Bryan. Was it love? But she just met him. The thing is he was so easy to talk to, was so close to her, and he understood what she was going through. Lyss shook her head. Chase was just a friend, a really good friend.

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Her relationship with Chase escalates. They have so much in common. Could it be Lyss's first true love? What do Meredith and Derek think? What happens when Lucy, Leah, and Charlotte get attached? Will the number in the support group stay the same? Oh yeah and since I just got this new idea, there will be one section of Lyss, one section of Derek, Mere, or the adults, and one section of either her siblings, her friends, or the support group kids.

Let's go for 9!!!!!!! Maybe even 10!!!!!!!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	52. Chapter 52: Believe

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

Lyss gets to see Chase again. Of course now she is much weaker because of the induction but the thing is.... Chase understands. He went through it and knows what is feels like. Mere talks with his mother as they see each other again and realizes that there is something hidden. The way Lyss really feels about Chase. He is like no other boy she met, what happens when he says the right thing? What if mere sees it?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! without her, I don't know where this story would have gone :)

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Lyss was lying in her bed, her mother next to her, Lyss was pretending to sleep, she didn't need her mother's constant questions when she felt like shit. They were doctors, don't they know to leave the patient alone. Of course they were worried about Lyss and she couldn't blame them. It was kind of like she was disappearing in front of them. She felt Meredith's hand brush over her cheek and find her hand and Lyss decided to 'wake up' at that moment.

"Mommy?" she asked groggily. That was one sound Mere hadn't gotten used to. The pain and tiredness in her voice every time she wakes up.

"I am here baby," she said quietly as she opened her eyes.

"I have to-" Her stomach lurched forward and Mere grabbed the bin. Lyss began retching and vomiting violently. Mere rubbed her back gently as her heart ached. She was in so much pain. When it was over Lyss started shivering and Mere pulled her into a hug and continued to rub her back. Lyss couldn't believe how much the group had masked her pain. How much it actually helped distracted her from what was really happening. When Mere pulled back she smiled encouragingly.

"I guess I should tell you that both Lucy and Charlotte want to see you already," Mere said. Lyss looked back at the drawings that Lucy, Charlotte, and Leah had made. She laughed weakly.

"Already," Lyss said.

"Yeah, and Charlotte could be getting out soon if she went into remission, they are testing her today," Mere said.

"Really?" Lyss said.

"Yeah, and Lucy is bugging Izzie probably at the moment," Mere said. Lyss laughed again. Mere cupped Lyss's face her in hands and kissed her forehead. "And Chase is asking for you too." Lyss eyes lit up and Mere didn't miss it.

"Well he is only right next door," she said.

"And we need to monitor your blood cells and everything else before you even think about leaving this room," Mere warned her.

"At least I still have my port," Lyss said. Mere laughed and as Derek, Izzie, Miranda, and Callie walked in.

"Guess Lucy's done bugging Aunt Izzie," Lyss whispered in Mere's ear.

"Hey Lyss," Derek said coming up to her bed.

"Okay Lyss," Izzie said. "Blood time." Despite feeling like crap Lyss sat up more and rolled her eyes. They got the blood out of the port and Lyss threw up again. She ended up falling asleep. Derek and Meredith switched shifts again so when Lyss woke Derek was there.

"Daddy," she said.

"Hey baby," Derek said.

"What time is it? she asked.

"Almost 2 o'clock," Derek said. He turned around and Mere was back.

"Your patient coded Derek, I don't have any one," she said. Derek got up quickly kissed Lyss goodbye and ran out of the room.

"Hey Mom," Lyss said weakly.

"Hey Lyss," she said. Izzie came wheeling in a wheelchair.

"So where am I going?" Lyss asked.

"Lucy, is begging and pleading," Izzie said.

"Say no more, but did you warn her I won't feel as good as I did yesterday," Lyss said.

"Her parents are now," Mere said.

"So what type of....."

"Brain, she has a tumor, not like yours was," Izzie said.

"That sucks, she is...."

"I know," Mere said.

"Does she have radiation or what?" Lyss asked as they made the transition.

"That and a strong dose of chemo," Izzie said.

"But she is only 4 years old," Lyss said sadly.

"I know," Mere said as they got on the elevator. They wheel her to Lucy's room and she squeals.

"Alyssa!" Lucy says. "You came, you actually came!"

"I did Lucy, but I just saw you yesterday," Lyss said.

"Alyssa you look different," she says.

"I know sweetie, it's just my treatment, tires me out."

"Mine does too but....."

"Well my chemo is constant. I have to do it if I want to get better."

"My Mommy say that I need to do it so my tumor goes away. She prays every night."

"I am sure my mom does too."

"Did you put up the pictures Leah, Charlotte, and I made?"

"I sure did."

"Is your room boring anymore."

"No it's very pretty now like your room."

"Because of me!"

"Yupp." Lucy kept talking but Lyss listened and answered her questions half-heartedly. She was so tired and in a lot of pain. She hoped she didn't have to stay here for longer. Maybe Lucy could come and see her instead of Lyss visiting her. And also she couldn't stop thinking of Chase. She wanted to talk to him again. He was so easy to talk to.

"Lucy, sweetie," Mere said. Lucy looked up. "Alyssa has to go now."

"She does," she looked crestfallen.

"Well her treatment just makes her too tired okay, maybe you can visit her another day," Mere explained.

"Okay," she said sadly. "Bye Alyssa!"

"Bye Lucy!" They wheeled her back to her room where Lyss fell asleep again. When she woke up blue eyes greeted her but they weren't Derek's.

"About time you woke up," he joked.

"Chase," she said happily. "How are you?"

"Tired, and you?"

"I feel like crap, but I am a little better now." Chase blushed.

"You're brother was in here, Noah, he has a lot of energy."

"Yeah, why do you think I was dying Christmas." He laughed but Lyss yawned.

"I see Lucy likes to draw," Chase said looking at the drawings around her bed.

"I'd say," she said. The two continued talking. Lyss felt like crap, but not as bad as she did before. When Lyss would nod off Chase would just sit there. He knew what it was like. The constant pain that would ebb once and a while. The headaches, the throwing up, he would wish that on anyone. Especially not Alyssa. When she finally woke up again he smiled.

"Sorry Chase, I can't help it sometimes."

"I understand. It's okay. It gets better when they find the right medicine or morphine to give you, and it's like a relief when you stop."

"Yeah but at least you didn't have two sessions."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Chase, uh.... do you feel like there is something... between us."

"That you can't explain."

"Yeah, I can just talk to you, I could never do that with any boy. Not even my dad."

"I feel different when I talk to you, lost for words."

"Me too." Lyss looked at him her face red.

"You're unlike any other girl I have ever met."

"You're 14 Chase how many other girls have you met? Besides your mom and sisters."

"What about you, with boys."

"I have the worst luck."

"What do you mean?"

"There was this guy Bryan."

"What about him?"

"He was a jerk, and well he made me change who I was and it was horrible."

"Well don't do that again."

"Uh..... I wont."

"Is it?"

"Is what?"

"Is this a......"

"Is this a what Chase?"

"A sign."

"A sign?"

"A sign that we …" he said but stopped then and stared blushing and Lyss understood.

"Oh maybe?" she said and also started blushing, then there was a minute of silence.

"Ahm, so you, you dance?" he asked.

"I danced."

"Danced?"

"I don't think I will ever dance again, well at least like I did."

"You know I learned that you should never give up, there is always hope and there will always be"

"I don't know"

"Believe me" he said and looked directly into her eyes and she into his and there she saw hope.

"I believe you" she said and then she leaned forward and kissed him.

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Is she flirting with him? What are they talking about? Who is this boy? These were the thoughts running through Mere's head as she stood outside Lyss's room. Lyss was inside with Jake. They were smiling, laughing. It was obvious Lyss was in pain and extremely tired but it looked like she didn't really care.

"So you're Alyssa's mother?" another woman said from behind Mere.

"What?" Mere said turning around.

"You're Alyssa's mother right?" the woman said.

"Uh yeah, and you are?"

"Chase's mom."

"Right, I'm Meredith," she said smiling sticking out her hand.

"Caroline," she said shaking her hand and smiling back.

"So, your son?"

"ALL."

"AML."

"I heard your a surgeon here."

"Yes, me and my husband. We never expected this."

"Neither did my husband and I. It came on so fast."

"We found found her on the floor of her room."

"Oh my."

"So your son, his treatment."

"Just finished induction."

"His second."

"They don't think..... well, we just did one strong dose. And we haven't told him yet but he has no bone marrow matches. So well if he isn't in remission......" She started crying slightly.

"I am so sorry Caroline. But there are a few clinical trials I have looked into for Lyss, there are some for ALL in there. I could give you the packets."

"You will thank you so much. Well I have to go pick up my other kids from school. see you around Meredith."

"Bye!" Mere turns her attention back to Lyss. She is asleep. Although Mere wants to go in there and tell Chase that it is time for him to leave, Mere has the heart not too. She doesn't even know why?

Maybe it was that Lyss looked happy when he was around, not tired. But of course she did go to sleep. But Lyss was always sleeping. Mere knew she would wake up soon, she always did, so she allowed Chase to stay. Lyss looked so peaceful, although probably she was in so much pain. At least sometimes she could have a release.

But that got Mere thinking about her other children. Were they okay with their parents always at the hospital. Always by Lyss's side. But she couldn't think of that. Lyss needed her and Derek too much. She couldn't let her be alone, not through everything that has happened. Of course she wouldn't be alone, she had Chase. For now. The next time Mere looked in the window Lyss was awake and her and Chase were talking again. Almost flirting. It made Mere suspicious.

The next thing Mere knew was that both of them were blushing, it was obvious an awkward moment between the two of them. Mere was about to choose this moment to barge in when Lyss leaned forward and kissed him. Mere's jaw dropped open and was so thankful Derek wasn't here. She just kissed him. She watched as they broke apart and smiled. This was definitely the moment to get chase back to his room. She walked in.

"Mom," Lyss said surprised. Had she seen the whole thing.

"Hey Lyss, it's time for Chase to go," she said.

"Already," Lyss said tiredly.

"Yes young lady, you are exhausted and he has been in here for an hour."

"Okay, well by Chase," Lyss said flashing him a smile. The only thing untouched by the chemo.

"Bye Lyss," he said his blue eyes sparkling. Lyss giggled as a nurse wheeled him out.

"Mom, did you see....."

"I won't even comment, let's just say I am so glad your father was not with me," she said as Lyss sighed. "And by the way....." She was cut off by the sound of Lyss retching. she must have held it off for Chase. Mere held the bin under her as Lyss vomited into it.

"Never mind, rest baby," she said helping Lyss relax on her bed. "I love you." She stroked her face gently as Lyss closed her eyes.

"I love you too Mommy." Inwardly she said I love you too Chase. Did she really love him? Did he love her? She didn't really know.

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Her relationship with Chase escalates. They have so much in common. Could it be Lyss's first true love? What will Derek think? What happens when Lucy and Charlotte get attached? Was Meredith right on when she was wondering what her other kids think about it? What happens when Hayley gets caught up in the mix? Or when Lyss starts to get depressed even with Chase around? I guess big sister Sophia to the rescue. What happens when it goes too far?

Let's go for 9!!!!!!! PLEASE :'( I only got 7 combining chapter 50 and 51!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	53. Chapter 53: I Can't Take It

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

Lyss gets to see Chase again. Of course now she is much weaker because of the induction but the thing is.... Chase understands. He went through it and knows what is feels like. Mere talks with his mother as they see each other again and realizes that there is something hidden. The way Lyss really feels about Chase. He is like no other boy she met, what happens when he says the right thing? What if mere sees it?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! without her, I don't know where this story would have gone :) Also for the Hayley part.

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_Four days later............._

Six days, one more day to go, and Lyss didn't think she could stand it. It was only a low dose, and only her first. It hurt, it hurt so badly. Even inch of her body throbbed. All she did was sit in bed all day and close her eyes only opening for visitors. The only one she actually talked to was Chase. He visited her every one of the past four days. he held her hand through all the pain. Her father had found out about the kiss, because there were many more. Lyss laughed weakly when she remembered what he had done. It was only a day after the first.

_"You don't think I am too disgusting with all the chemo do you?" she asked Chase as he sat next to her bed._

_"That depends, do you think I am too disgusting?" he asked smiling._

_"That would be a no," Lyss giggled. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. She heard coughing outside. Lyss turned to look out the window where Derek was choking on his coffee he recently spit out._

_"I think it's time for me to go," he said and got a nurse to wheel him back to his room before Derek recovered from the burning coffee. He stepped into the room. He had a large stain down the front of his scrubs and there was still some coffee dripping down his chin. Lyss had to bite her lip, and hard to stop herself from laughing._

_"Alyssa Shepherd, did I just see you kissing that boy," he said sternly._

_"I am surprised Mommy didn't tell you," she said._

_"What?" he said surprised._

_"It was one time," Lyss told him trying to calm him down._

_"One time well....."_

_"He makes me happy Daddy, he understands me. Do you understand?"_

_"I don't like it, but yeah I do. Be careful." he kissed her on the forehead._

_"Dad, I am in a hospital, how much more can I get away with."_

_"I won't answer that." Mere walks in._

_"What happened to you?" she asked Derek seeing the large stain. She started to fuss with his scrub top and kiss him on the lips. Lyss acted like she was gagging._

_"Long story," he said. She shook her head knowing it involved Lyss in some way._

_"It ends with him seeing me kiss Chase," Lyss laughed and Mere stared at her as if saying... again._

That was the last time Lyss had fully been conscious. After that, she had another allergic reaction to the chemo and started vomiting constantly and had to be sedated most of the time. Sometimes she could go with just the morphine and that's when she would be able to talk to Chase. It still hurt to talk though. They said it would wipe you out but no wonder you need a month to recover from it.

Lyss opened her eyes to see Derek by her side. He smiled and talked to her, but Lyss didn't respond, it hurt to much. He just nodded and understood. He stroked her face, held her hand, and other things until she started retching. It was another allergic reaction and she could tell. She was able to know these things, what was vomit from the effects of the chemo, the morphine, or the allergic reaction she would get maybe once or twice a day.

Lyss started vomiting her whole body shaking. Derek held the bin in front of her, and held her. She wouldn't stop. It took too much effort to try to stop. Lyss was still shaking when she was finished. Her head swirled as nurses came into her room and started pushing the sedative.

"Rest baby, rest, it's almost over," she heard Derek say as he held her hand before the sedative took effect. When she woke up he next time it was Chase.

"Hey," she managed to choke out.

"Hey Lyss, feeling any better," he said.

"A little, that morphine is good stuff until I throw up." He laughed slightly. "Did you get allergic reaction like this?"

"I don't remember."

"Yeah I probably won't it's like I am in a fog."

"It will get better, it's almost over."

"It is?"

"Yeah, tomorrow is your last full day, they take you off of it the next day."

"Good." She sighed with relief.

"Yeah I miss actually talking to without one or to, or sometimes five word answers," he joked. She pushed him.

"Chase," she said.

"You do know I still can't face your dad."

"He scares you doesn't he."

"Yes," he admitted.

"Aw."

"Oh be quiet." Lyss tried to smile but it was too hard. She had just remembered that she had radiation throughout this entire time which was why she was feeling even worse then Chase had.

"It think it's sweet. And my Dad is just protecting me. He is not that scary. He is really very soft, especially with ferry boats."

"Ferry boats?"

"He has a thing for ferry boats."

"Gotcha."

"And if my mom, any of my sisters, me, and sometimes even Noah or Jake pouts, he is incapable of saying no. It's pretty funny actually."

"Nice." That was the last thing she remembered before the morphine and sedative combined kicked in again.

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This was the first time they were allowed to see her sister for about three days. Meredith had warned them all but Sophia didn't really believe it. Lyss was stronger then what Mere was saying. She was not expecting the sickly person who was lying in the bed. Sophia let out a gasp as they walked over to her bedside. Lyss stirred slightly and let out a groan. Her eyes slowly flickered open. Part of her wanted to run away, but she had to stay strong, she was her older sister.

"hey Lyss," Mere said. Lyss only blinked. Sophia got choked up seeing her like this. She heard Hayley's breath hitch. She turned around to see her running out.

"Hayley," Mere called but didn't go after her. Sophia stepped forward and grabbed her hand. she had to do something to make her feel better. That's when Lyss started retching. Noah screamed as Paige grabbed him and held him. Sophia just stared at her scared as Mere pulled out a bin and held it in front of her. She was frozen and took a step back. How had it gotten this bad? Her parents explained it but she thought they were just exaggerating. They weren't. Her eyes widened as she kept vomiting, and if seemed like it wouldn't stop. Her little sisters entire body was shaking and she was whimpering the whole time.

Afterwards, when Lyss stopped Mere helped her lay back down. Sophia smiled at her sweetly. Lyss attempted to, but it was too hard. The next thing Sophia knows is that she is asleep. When they left the room that's when the tears came out of everyone mostly Sophia.

"Mom," she said. Meredith came over and hugged her tightly. "I didn't think it would be that bad."

"I know, the only one who she even makes an attempt to talk to is Chase," she said.

"Chase?" Paige asked.

"I'll explain later," Mere told them.

"Where's Hayley?" Kelsey said looking around. Mere looked around too.

"Where is she?" Mere repeated.

"You know Hayl, she just needs to take it all in. She is probably somewhere or took the bus home," Paige said. Sophia wiped her eyes. But then they lit up.

"I have an idea," she said.

"What?" Mere said.

"To cheer up Lyss," Sophia said. "When does the treatment stop?"

"Tomorrow," Mere told her.

"Then on Thursday, that's two days after."

"You have yet to tell us the plan Soph," Jake informed her. She started talking and they all agreed.

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Hayley was running. Form her sister, from her parents, from her own pain. She is scared. She doesn't want to lose her. She loves her. But it doesn't even seem like Lyss in that hospital bed. She can't take it anymore. The loneliness she feels because everyone's thought are about Lyss. The lack of time she spends with her parents. The fact that she could lose Lyss. She could actually stop living, dead.

It was too hard.

She was running through the halls of the hospital. Hayley knew them way too well. She had spent half her childhood here. she didn't even notice running past Izzie.

"Hayley, what's wrong!" she called after her but she kept running. She did the same with Christina, Owen, Alex, George, and Lexie. She didn't care, she had to get out of here. By now the tears were running down her face. That's when she collided with a familiar face. He let out a groan.

"Watch it!" he said until he realized who it was.

"Sorry Uncle Mark," she said.

"Hayley, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She stood up but Mark grabbed her arm.

"Your crying, something's wrong."

"It's nothing, I just have to get out of here." She got away from his grip and ran out in the parking lot. She didn't want to wait for a bus, so she started running. Throughout the time she was running she couldn't stop thinking about Lyss in the bed. So frail, so ghost-like, so not her sister. Not the sister she played with, or teased, or had a lot of fun with. She remembered one time at home, they were playing hide and seek in the dark in the basement.

_"Come on Lyss, I give up," a 5 year old Hayley screamed down in the basement. "Lyss!" She heard giggling._

_"Lyss I hear you, come out, please!" She kept wondering around. All of a sudden a figure loomed in front of her. She let out a loud scream as something tackled her. When she came face to face with a giggling Lyss she let out another scream._

_"Lyss, not fair," she whined._

_"I don't have to be fair."_

_"Yeah you do."_

_"No I don't."_

_"Yeah you do."_

_"No I don't." Lyss crossed her arms still in the dark and stuck out her tongue. The girls collapsed in a fit of laughter._

_"I love you Hayley."_

_"Me too Lyss." she said hugging her sister tightly._

_"Alyssa, Hayley, what is going on down there?" Mere screamed from the top of the steps and turned on the light. "I heard screaming. Are you two fighting?" They started giggling loudly again and laid down on the floor._

She didn't even realize that she started crying again, or that she was back home. She needed something to drown out her pain. Hayley knew exactly what to do. She knew where her mother hid the tequila. She went in the basement and grabbed two bottles. Hayley put them in her bag and ran to the park not forgetting to write a note saying she was at a friends, cell phone died, and would be back after dark. All of which wouldn't be true. She ran towards the lake, hid in the reeds and opened the first bottle.

She lifted it to her lips and took a drink. Her face screwed up as it burned down her throat but she continued anyway.

"I can't take it anymore," she muttered still drinking and rocking herself back and forth. "I can't take it anymore," her voice dropped to a whisper. "I can't take it anymore."

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Lyss is off induction but she is still depressed and only talks to Chase. What happens when Chase has big news that isn't so good? What about the 'surprise' that Sophia is coming up with, what is it? What happens when it goes terribly wrong? And what about Hayley? Will anyone find out about the drinking? Will they care? Do any of Lyss's other sibling feel the same? Especially Hayley's twin Paige.......

Let's go for 9!!!!!!! PLEASE :'(

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	54. Chapter 54: Crash

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

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This chapter is the Thursday that Sophia has something big for Lyss planned. Something unexpected happens. Someone helps Hayley get over the drinking while Chase finds out some big news, well actually two big things and Lyss helps him through it. Lyss is feeling a little better but still needs morphine sometimes and doesn't talk to anyone with any more then one or two word answers until....... It starts out in Paige's point of view, then Hayley's, then to Sophia's, then to each of the siblings, then to Lyss and Chase's, then it kind of skips around and ends with either Meredith or Derek.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! She helped with the Hayley part and the unexpected thing with Sophia and the others.

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"Hayley," Paige asked as her sister as she was sneaking out the front door.

"What?" she snapped. Paige flinched, they have always been close and never really kept anything from each other.

"Sorry," she said calmly. "I was just wondering if you were coming to the hospital with us for Lyss's surprise."

"No, it's stupid, I am going to a friends," hayley said.

"But we wanted to all be there for her," Paige protested.

"Whatever, it's stupid. I am going." Paige grabbed her. "Get off of me!"

"Hayley, I am worried about you, you have been acting strange lately."

"Then stop, you may have been born first but it doesn't mean that you have to protect me!"

"Hayley!"

"I am going no matter what!" She slammed the door leaving Paige shocked, they have never fought that bad before, she was hiding something.

"Paige," Sophia said. "We're leaving!" She saw her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked her.

"Nothing," she snapped.

"Paige...." she said.

"Let's go," she said grabbing her coat and Noah's hand. She helped him into his car seat as Jake and Kels got in the back next to him. she walked around and got in next to Sophia.

"Where's Hayley?" she asked as Paige buckled her seat belt.

"Personally I don't know. And I don't care, she didn't want to tell me anything so...." Paige started.

"Paige," Sophia said.

"Don't start Soph."

"Why?"

"I'm not in the mood."

"Well Lyss is...."

"Exactly!" she yelled unbuckling her seat belt. Everyone's eyes widened. "Lyss is in the hospital! She is sick! She has cancer! She could be dying! You are acting all perky like you always are but you shouldn't be! Our family is falling apart and it's like all you care about is yourself!"

"Paige that is not true!"

"Yes it is! You want us all to be perfect but how are we supposed to be! Our little sister is lying in the hospital! Our parents are afraid to leave her because she is so critical right now! You feel like you have to take care of the family but you are just making it worse!"

"Paige you are blowing this out of proportion!"

"No, you don't see how bad it is! You are too stuck up to see! You have the perfect boyfriend! The perfect car! You were always Mommy and Daddy's little girl because you are the oldest and you are trying to make us perfect! We don't want to be perfect so just lay off! We are all scared, we don't want to lose her so please just SHUT UP!" Sophia crossed an intersection. The sound of screeching came from the side of the car. Paige turned around to see head lights in her vision coming right for them.

"SOPHIA WATCH OUT!" she screamed. The screeching came closer, she felt like she was flying, and then..... blackness.

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Hayley couldn't believe it, she never fought with Paige before. She started to cry as she was running towards the lake, where she went before to drink. The last time she came here she brought a lot of bottles wit her so she didn't have to carry them always and hid them. She still remembered the first night she came here, and she felt so relived and so good, no worries just peace. She found her hidden stash and started drinking. Trying to make the pain disappear. She really didn't want to see Lyss again, even if she was feeling better. It was too hard. Pretty soon she was too drunk and was incoherent. She stood up and felt dizzy. she thought she took a step towards the reeds but she felt water rush around her.

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Hayley didn't realize that he had followed her. Mark had gone to check on them for Meredith and Derek but had seen Hayley run. he followed her for a long time but lost her in the park. That was until he saw her stand up, she had a bottle in her hand and he knew she had been drinking. He tried to call out her name but all of a sudden she disappeared.

"Hayley!" he called. he sprinted over and saw her in the lake. he dove in a grabbed her limp body. At the surface she started to cough and sputter.

"Hayley what were you thinking," he said as he laid her down.

"Uncle Mark," she said her words slurred.

"Hayley, have you been drinking," he asked wiping her hair out of her face.

"A little," she admitted.

"Oh Hayley," he said kissing her on the head and holding her trying to warm her up.

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Paige was out of control, but she knew why. She was upset, she was too. And Paige was right. She just wanted everyone to be happy, was she really going to far? That's when she heard Paige scream.

"SOPHIA WATCH OUT!" she looked next to her and saw a flash of a white light and then darkness. What happened?

A few seconds later she eyes opened groggily. She took in her surrounding. Her chest hurt and it was hard to breathe. She started coughing. She looked next to her but her head started spinning, the car was upside down. Instead of Paige next to her it was Jake, he wasn't moving, but where was Paige. Carefully she looked back, Noah was twisted in his car seat, she tried to help him but she couldn't move. But where was Paige, and she couldn't see Kels.

"Help," she tired to call out but she broke off coughing. A wave of blackness rushed over her again.

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He wished he could calm them down, but he was feeling the same way. Jake was confused. he didn't even know how the fight had started. he just listened to them battle it out, it would all blow over eventually, it always did. His thoughts were consumed by Lyss though, everything Paige screamed Jake thought about.

"SOPHIA WATCH OUT!" he heard Paige scream. He didn't know what was happening. It all happened so fast. Screeching, impact, his chest burning, flying though the air, then darkness.

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Kels wished they would stop fighting. Paige is talking about Sophia making everything worse but she was too. What she is saying may be true but this isn't the time to say it. They were giving her a head ache. She closed her eyes to try and block it out.

"SOPHIA WATCH OUT!" she heard Paige scream. Her eyes shot open, she heard screeching, then she was flying forward, she saw Paige for a second, and then she was gone, darkness.

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Noah was confused, he was scared, why were they fighting? he didn't understand what was going on. He hears Paige scream.

"SOPHIA WATCH OUT!" Watch out for what? He feels the impact, he screams. His car seat is flipped over, a pain is in his leg, and then darkness.

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Lyss is feeling good enough to be able to visit Chase in his room. She wanted to be there especially today. Yesterday they had done the tests to see if he was in remission. Lyss prayed that he was. The doctors were now in his room. One of them included Izzie and Dr. Hanes but the rest she knew but weren't on her team. Lyss held his hand as he looked up. Meredith and Derek were near the door while Chase's parents were on the other side of him. None of the parents missed the moment between them.

"Chase," Izzie started. "We are sorry to say but you are not in remission." Chase squeezed Lyss's hand tightly and Lyss looked up.

"What about a bone marrow transplant?" she asked.

"It's too dangerous, not when his counts are so far down," Caroline said from Chase's other side. Chase looked at Lyss and Lyss looked at Chase, it was the first time she ever saw him like this. He looked scared and tears were near his eyes.

"We would like to talk to you about some other options," Dr. Hanes said but Lyss and Chase didn't really here them. They were too caught up in each other. Pretty soon it was just Meredith, Derek, Lyss, Chase, and his parents in the room.

"So Chase, what do you think?" his father Caleb said.

"I... I don't know, can't I just," he started but Lyss interrupted.

"Can't you just what, give up, no way. What did you say to me, have hope. Believe, believe you can get through this. I believed what you said. Do you?" she said.

"Well when you put it that way," he said. That's when Izzie barged into the room followed by Lexie.

"Alyssa, you need to go back to the room, Meredith and Derek, I think you should follow us," Izzie said.

"What? Why?" Lyss asked not taking her eyes off Chase.

"Yes Izzie, what's wrong?" Derek asked. He noticed now that they were crying slightly.

"There's been an accident," Lexie choked out. Lyss looked up abruptly and Meredith and Derek gasped.

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There was a car crash, they didn't know how bad, but they did know that it is Sophia's car. They were on the way to the hospital right now. They had left an hysterical Lyss with Lexie in he room as Meredith and Derek ran down to the ER with Izzie. They were scared. Beyond scared, because they didn't know which of their kids were in the crash. Meredith and Derek were standing outside by the ambulance despite the others efforts to move them. The first person they saw was Noah. He was conscious but screaming loudly.

"Noah," Mere screamed and ran to his side.

"Mommy," he asked. "What's happening. My leg hurts!"

"Shhh, baby lay still, you were in an accident, everything will be okay," she attempted to calm him down. The both of them watched as Callie and a few interns rolled him into a room. The next was Sophia, she was only just coming out of it.

"Mom, Dad," she gasped.

"Sophia," Mere said.

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "It's my fault." she started coughing and groaned.

"It's not your fault, what hurts?" Derek said.

"My chest, and it's hard to breathe," she gasped and started coughing again. She started to turn on the gurney but broke off wheezing.

"Just lay still baby, they will take care of you," Mere said as Owen wheeled her into an exam room. Mere found it hard to breathe herself. All her other babies were hurt while her other was upstairs probably scared out of her mind. The next of her kids was Jake, he was still unconscious. Mere looked shocked as Derek let out a gasp. There was a large shard of glass puncturing his chest and many others around his body.

"JAKE!" she cried out. She rushed forward but Derek knew that he was worse and needed immediate attention. He held her back as Jake was pushed by, by Christina. Mere was in tears and Derek let a few shed but tried to stay strong for his wife. It was hard to when Kelsey was rolled in next. Her head had many cuts on it and looks like there was major impact there. he let out a gasp and held onto Meredith tighter when Mere saw her.

"KELSEY! MY BABY!" Mere cried. "Derek, let go, my baby needs me." Derek shook his head no and held on tighter. Luckily Mere was crying too hard to see Paige at first when she was rolled in by Miranda and Richard. He gasped and attempted to shield Meredith by putting his body in front of her but she found a way around.

"PAIGE!" she screeched. She was the worst out of all of them by far. There were massive cuts mostly on her face but also all around her body. Her shoulder looked like it was dislocated along with a possibly broken arm. From the way it looked there was bruising on her stomach meaning possible internal bleeding or broken ribs. "MY BABY!"

"Mere," Derek cried. "Calm down!"

"My babies.... what about Hayley?" Derek stared at her. She couldn't be dead, could she? Then they heard another gurney, Meredith grasped onto Derek.

"Another victim, DOA, someone needs to call it," the paramedic said. Derek froze, holding his breath, Meredith's eyes widened.

"Time of death, 4:43," they heard Alex say. He didn't sound upset. They watched as a body bag was wheeled past them.

"Alex," Mere whimpered.

"The passenger of the drunk bastard who did this," he informed them. Meredith let out as sigh of relief. Derek dialed Mark's phone number to see if she had left with them.

"Mark," he said quickly in the phone.

"Derek, what's up.."

"Did Hayley leave with everyone," he said over Mere's cries.

"No, she's with me.... uh.... wait is that Mere, what happened?"

"There's been an accident, get Hayley here now," Derek said. Luckily she was sober now.

"Okay Derek I will," he said as Derek hung up. He got back over to mere when he heard Sophia screaming. The two of them ran into the room.

"Sophia, calm down," Owen said. "Your rib is puncturing your lung. You need surgery."

"It's all my fault," she cried. "Is everyone okay?"

"We're gonna have to sedate her," someone said.

"It's all my fault," she cried. "I could have killed them."

"Sophia," Mere said. "It's not your fault, it was a drunk driver." Mere was still crying but stayed calm.

"I need to see them," she said pushing some nurses out of the way. She ran out of the room before anyone could stop her. Of course the room she had to pick to go into was Paige's. Sophia barged in still wheezing and coughing.

"PAIGE!" she screamed as Izzie, Richard, and Miranda turned around.

"Sophia," Derek said almost catching up to her. Her breath hitched as her legs felt wobbly. She collapsed onto the floor.

"Sophia," Mere cried as she bent down beside her. Derek went to find a pulse.

"She's not breathing....." he said as Mere let out a cry of anguish.

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This chapter was mostly about the siblings. How Lyss's cancer is affecting them. And also Chase got big news. He is not in remission and there are no donors available. That means he has to have clinical trials. Will the family ever get a break from the never ending sorrow? What about Hayley, will Mark be able to help her out? Will she be able to stop drinking as things get worse? Will Sophia blame herself forever? And finally.... will Kels and Paige ever wake up? This is all for a reason I will explain later, all involving the siblings because of Lyss.

Let's go for 9!!!!!!! PLEASE :'(

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	55. Chapter 55: Alcohol and Anxiety

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

** Sophia goes into cardiac arrest and needs surgery. Noah is fine except his leg requires surgery and has a slight concussion. And you will see what I am doing with the rest later. Hayley is brought to the hospital and is upset because she should have been there and that everyone is in serious condition. Hayley runs away from it all but is found by Mark in the basement and the two have a talk. Meanwhile Lyss is freaking out for two reason's, one her siblings are all in the hospital, and two Chase isn't in remission. All the while she is still throwing up. Chase visits her and they have another moment together where others see the kiss.**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! She helped with the Hayley part and the crash and all the injuries.**

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**"She's in cardiac arrest," Owen said as they lifted her onto a gurney. "She needs surgery now!" They started to wheel her towards the elevator. Mere collapsed in Derek's arms.**

**"Derek! How did this all happen?" she asked him sobbing.**

**"I don't know," he said and kissed her head. The next person they wheel into the ER is the driver. Mere stands up and walks over to the EMT.**

**"It's the driver of the car. It smelled like booze, his BAC is off the charts," she said. Derek's fist clenched when a beeping filled the room they brought him in.**

**"Pressure's dropping," a nurse said.**

**"Paddles," Derek said. He presses them to his chest.**

**"No change," Mere muttered.**

**"Come on, you have to live. You have to face the consequences for hurting my family," he screamed in his face and he pressed the paddles to his chest again.**

**"No change," the nurse says again.**

**Derek stops. "Dr. Shepherd call it."**

**"Time of death 4:56," she says and walks out of the room. They came out in time to watch as Callie wheels Noah out and he sees Mere.**

**"MOMMY!" he cried.**

**"I'm here buddy," she said running up next to him.**

**"His leg's broken, it requires surgery but he should be fine," Callie told Derek. Mere pushed Noah's hair out of his face and kissed him.**

**"Be my brave little boy, okay," she whispered in his ear.**

**"Okay Mommy," she said as Callie wheeled him away. Mere walks over to the room they brought Jake into. She opens the door.**

**"Mere," Christina said.**

**"How is he?" she asked.**

**"He's fine, the shard didn't hit anything he's just a little banged up, all he has to do wake up. His CT is clear, but his arm is broken," she told her.**

**"Oh thank god," Mere breathed and fell back into Derek.**

**"Mom," Jake mumbled.**

**"Jake buddy, I'm here," she said.**

**"Where am I?" he asked.**

**"Your in the hospital jake," Derek said.**

**"Why?" he asked.**

**"You were in an accident sweetie," Mere told him gently.**

**"The others," he asked.**

**"Sophia and Noah are in surgery," Mere said.**

**"We aren't sure about Kels or Paige yet," he told him.**

**"Oh," he said sadly.**

**"Get some rest," Mere said. "We will see you later." They follow him out of the room but stop at the room Kelsey was brought into. Warily Mere opened it up in time to see them rushing her out.**

**"What's wrong?" she asked one of the doctors.**

**"She has severe brain damage and need surgery now," he said and ran after the gurney.**

**"Oh my baby," Mere cried.**

**"Come on Mere lets see how Paige is," he said. Again they were just in time to see them wheeling her off. Mere had sprinted after them. She caught up with Bailey.**

**"Dr. Bailey," she said and looked at her desperately.**

**"She dislocated her shoulder, she broke her collar bone, there were several shards of glass in the cuts on her face but we took them out. But she has severe internal bleeding she needs emergency surgery," she said and left.**

**"Oh Derek, all of them except Jake are in surgery, what are we going to do?" she asked.**

**"Go tell Lyss, she is probably worried sick," Derek said.**

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**Lyss was asleep when they entered the room, Lexie was by her side holding her hand.**

**"I finally got her to rest, she was freaking out. How are they?" she asked. She noticed that Mere had been crying.**

**"Sophia has a punctured lung and a few broken ribs," Derek said. "Jake is fine, just a concussion but he has a lot of cuts. Noah has a broken leg and...."**

**"And Kels has a severe brain injury while Paige has internal bleeding," Mere finished.**

**"No," Lyss said. "I am supposed to be the only one in the hospital." She struggled to sit up.**

**"Oh Lyss," Mere said kissing her forehead.**

**"Why don't you rest baby," Derek said.**

**"Wait, what about Hayley?" Lexie asked.**

**"She is fine, she is with Mark, she wasn't in the car," Derek said.**

**"I wanna see Chase," she said.**

**"But Lyss," mere protested.**

**"I wanna see him," she repeated staring at her father.**

**"Fine," he said. Lexie looked confused.**

**"I'll explain later," Mere mouthed to her and she nodded. Derek went into the next room. Chase had refused the wheelchair and ran in.**

**"Lyss," he said and sat onto her bed. The three adults left the room.**

**"Chase," she began to cry. "They are all hurt."**

**"Oh Lyss it couldn't be that bad," he tried to calm her.**

**"But it is, Jake is the only one who doesn't need surgery. Even Noah is in surgery for a broken leg. Sophia's rib is puncturing her lung, Kelsey has a brain injury, and Paige has internal bleeding, it's all my fault."**

**"Lyss you were here when...."**

**"But it's because they were surprising me with something, I don't even know what it was. Because I have cancer they could have died!"**

**"You can't be saying that, it's not your fault."**

**"But it is, I feel like I won't have enough time with my family. I ruined the relationship with them 5 months ago!" She was sobbing now Derek looked like he wanted to barge in but Mere held him back. Chase moved closer and hugged her tightly.**

**"Shhh," he whispered.**

**"And now you didn't get remission and it makes it worse! I feel like I won't have enough time with you. I don't wanna lose you Chase." Her cries were dying down. "Your the only boy I actually felt this way about. Your my best friend."**

**"I'm sure I am more than that," he said smiling.**

**"You are," she said and leaned in. It was only a quick peck on the lips but was enough to let the small gathering of people outside. They included Meredith, Derek, and Chase's parents who already knew and Lexie, Christina, Izzie, George, and Alex. She heard a gasp ripple outside. She looked up abruptly and saw the shocked faces on the five of them. Her face turned a bright red but started laughing.**

**"We have an audience Chase," she said when he looked confused. He looked behind and stood up abruptly.**

**"No don't go," she said.**

**"But....."**

**"Stay, please. Just until one of them is out of surgery or Jake wakes up again okay." He settled back in the bed. "I need you. I am scared. I am supposed to be the only one in the hospital. It's not fair,"**

**"Okay I'll stay if you want me to."**

**"I do. I really do. i don't know what I would do without you Chase." Lyss smiled and stole a side glance of Alex, Izzie, Christina, George, and Lexie talking to Mere. She ended up falling asleep in his arms.**

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**Noah woke up. His leg still hurt, but not as much as it did before. There was a large cast surrounding it as well. He slowly took in his surroundings. He was in a yellow room with flowers all around it on one side and the other has blue stars. There was another bed in there as well.**

**"Mommy, Daddy," he called out quietly. He was confused. He knew he was in a crash, but he didn't know where he was.**

**"Your awake," another voice said. It wasn't one he recognized, not one of his siblings or any of his family members. Then he noticed another bed near his.**

**"Hi I am Lucy," the girl said.**

**"I'm Noah, where am I?" he asked.**

**"In the hospital, silly," she said. "My mommy and daddy told me what happened, you were in a car crash. And that your parents would be here eventually."**

**"Lyssa's here," Noah said excitedly when he finally realized.**

**"I have a friend named Alyssa. She is in this hospital too, she has cancer like I do too."**

**"That's my sister!"**

**"Really, that's so cool. She hasn't visited me in a while."**

**"My Mommy and Daddy said that she is very sick right now and she can hardly move."**

**"Oh. So what do you like to do for fun?" She started the conversation. The two of them kept talking and talking. They found out they are both four years old. They both hate hospitals, and many other things. Only did the conversation stop when Noah had fallen asleep.**

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**"They were in a what?" Hayley screamed.**

**"You brothers and sisters were in an accident Hayl," Mark explained as they arrived at the hospital.**

**"Oh god, and I wasn't there. Oh my god I should have been there," she said getting out of the car. "It's all my fault."**

**"No it's not you were confused and hurt and it's okay," Mark said although he didn't know the full story on why she was drinking. Hayley ran full sprint into the ER. She knew where Lyss's room was so she ran there. Only Christina was outside.**

**"Aunt Christina," she called.**

**"Oh Hayley," she said. "Thank god your okay." Hayley knew she wasn't okay, but not how Christina meant.**

**"Where are my parents?" she asked.**

**"In Sophia's room, 213, she just came out of surgery," she told her. "They told me to get...." She broke off when she saw Hayley sprinting towards the room she just told her. When she stopped and she saw the condition Sophia was in she was in awe.**

**"Sophia," she whispered. But all she really saw were the superficial cuts along her face. She had heard that the car hit the passenger's side. If Sophia looked that bad, Paige and Kels would be much worse. She saw Mark coming towards her. She looked left and right, she had to get out of here. She couldn't see them like this, but she couldn't leave. The basement.**

**Again Hayley went into full sprint towards the stairs.**

**"Hayley," Mark called and ran after her. But Hayley was fast, not Lyss fast, but she was able to get down to the basement way before Mark. When he got down there he heard crying.**

**"Hayley," he called again. When he saw her huddled on the gurney that was always placed there he ran forward.**

**"Uncle Mark, Sophia is.... and that must mean Paige and Kels are..... I should have been there with them," she sobbed. Mark put his arms around her and hugged her tightly.**

**"Shhh, it's okay."**

**"No it's not. I am so selfish. I just thought about my own problems and I didn't care. And now..."**

**"Hayley, you were confused."**

**"I couldn't take it anymore. Like I had no parents, my sister slowly disappearing in front of me, I am only 14, it's too much for me to handle."**

**"Hayley, tell them you feel like that," Mark told her.**

**"But....."**

**"Hayley, even if you don't you shouldn't drink. Leave that for your mother," he tried to joke and Hayley laughed slightly.**

**"I guess your right. I should stand up to my fear instead of drowning it."**

**"Then make me a promise." Hayley nodded. "I won't tell you parents if you stop drinking now and go to me for any problems you have."**

**"I promise." she hugged him tightly. "Thank you Uncle Mark."**

**"Your welcome Hayl."**

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**Meredith and Derek were by the side of Sophia. They had just heard that Noah had woken up but fallen back to sleep and that Paige was out of surgery, but they knew Sophia was the only one waking up any time soon. She let out a groan.**

**"She's waking up," Sophia heard Mere say as she slowly opened her eyes.**

**"Hey baby," Derek said.**

**"Mom, Dad, what happened?" she asked.**

**"You were in a crash and then you collapsed, but you are okay now," Mere explained stroking her hair.**

**"The crash," she said. "How are the others?"**

**"Jake is fine, he didn't need surgery and Noah was awake already," Derek said.**

**"What about Kels and Paige?" she asked.**

**"Paige just got out of surgery, she has severe internal bleeding. Kels has brain damage, she is still in surgery," Mere told her welling up.**

**"No!" Sophia said getting up but wincing.**

**"Careful, you just had surgery, and you broke a couple of ribs," Derek said trying to push her down.**

**"It's all my fault," she cried.**

**"Sophia..." Mere said.**

**"No it was. I came up with that stupid surprise. And I was driving the car. I could have killed them!" she said and started to have a panic attack.**

**"Sophia it was an accident, there was a drunk driver in the other car. It's fine," Derek told her.**

**"But I was driving," she sobbed.**

**"But you drove responsibly, it's not your fault you were crossing the intersection when the driver did," Mere told her brushing her hair out of her face.**

**"But I was fighting with Paige, I was driving faster then I usually did. And now....."**

**"Paige is fine. She is out of surgery, and you have no clue whether that was the reason or not, it's fine baby," Derek said.**

**"It doesn't feel fine, what about Kelsey," she cried.**

**"It's all on the driver and he paid his price," Derek told her.**

**"How?" she asked.**

**"He died," Mere said.**

**"I killed him," she cried.**

**"No, no, he killed himself. He hurt all of you. It is not your fault in any way," Mere calmed her. Sophia just shook her head and laid back down on her bed and closed her eyes. Mere bent down and kissed her head before walking out of the room.**

**"I could of killed them," Sophia muttered once more before falling asleep.**

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**When Lyss woke up Chase's arms were no longer around her and she got scared. She opened up her eyes and ended up meeting Hayley's.**

**"Oh Hayley, you're okay, I didn't here them say anything about you, I thought you were dead!" Lyss said getting up no matter how dizzy she was a wrapping her arms around her sister.**

**"Lyss I am sorry," she said.**

**"For what?" she asked.**

**"I haven't seen you in like a week," she said looking down.**

**"Hayley, I can hardly remember seeing Chase and he is practically... probably is my boyfriend."**

**"So that's what I missed," she joked slightly.**

**"No, well, I really can't remember anything further then my third day of the induction," she said. "This is the first day I will remember. Of course I will want to remember this day. Have you heard anything about Paige or Kels?"**

**"Paige is out of surgery maybe even up, but she probably won't want to see me, we had a fight before about why I wasn't coming to your surprise."**

**"Why?" Hayley looked reluctant. "Hayley you can tell me."**

**"I couldn't take it anymore. You were disappearing right in front of our eyes. You have been, and it kind of felt like the end. And you are my little sister and we have always been close, just not as close as you and Sophia or you and Paige, or you and Jake. I felt like I would never have a chance to get a relationship with you. So I wanted to drown my pain."**

**"Oh Hayley, you didn't."**

**"I found Mom's stash and I think I drank two of the bottles myself in about four days. And now I have this horrible headache."**

**"It's called a hangover."**

**"How do you know?" Lyss looked at her. "Not you too."**

**"It was five months ago."**

**"Don't tell Mom and Dad."**

**"Wouldn't dream of it."**

**"And I won't tell the about you."**

**"Hayley..."**

**"What Lyss?"**

**"You do realize that I thought we had a better relationship then all of them, you know why?"**

**"Why?" Lyss smiled and slapped her with a pillow.**

**"Lyss!" Lyss smiled and hugged her.**

**"Lyss."**

**"What?"**

**"Don't leave without saying goodbye. Don't give up okay."**

**"I won't," she said. "I'll try."**

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**Every inch of her body hurt. What had happened? Paige groaned and stirred slightly.**

**"Derek!" she heard her Mom say happily. "Come on Paige sweetie wake up!" Her eyes opened slightly.**

**"Uhh... Mom," she groaned.**

**"Oh Paige, you're all right," Mere said and Paige saw Derek.**

**"What happened?" she asked.**

**"You were in an accident," Derek said. And then everything came back to her memory. Fighting with Soph, bright lights, 'SOPHIA WATCH OUT!,' flying through the air, the darkness.**

**"Oh my god," she said.**

**"It's okay, you are fine now, just a broken collar bone, some broken ribs, and you had some internal bleeding but it is fixed," Mere told her wiping her hair out of her face.**

**"What about the others?" she asked.**

**"Jake was fine, Noah broke his leg, Sophia needed surgery because her broken ribs punctured her lung, and...." Derek explained.**

**"What about Kelsey?" she asked.**

**"She just came out of surgery, she had some brain damage," he said.**

**"It's all my fault, I was distracting Sophia," she said.**

**"No, it was a drunk driver sweetie," Mere said.**

**"I have to see Sophia," she said.**

**"Sweetie you just has surgery," Derek told her.**

**"I have to see Sophia, please," she begged. Mere nodded reluctantly and Derek got a wheelchair. They helped her into it slowly and wheeled her down the hallway, she was sleeping when they got in there and they left Paige at the side of the bed and left the room. Paige touched her arm gently and Sophia woke up immediately.**

**"Oh Paige," she rejoiced. "Your okay."**

**"You too."**

**"I'm sorry," they said simultaneously.**

**"What are you sorry for," Paige asked. "I yelled and I distracted you and..."**

**"Paige, everything you said was right. I just wanted us to be happy, but maybe that's not what you wanted. And plus I crashed the car."**

**"No, the drunk driver did," Paige protested."It wasn't your fault Soph, nothing was your fault. It was neither of our faults. Just his."**

**"He died," Sophia said.**

**"And he deserved it. Kels is out of surgery and may not wake up. And if she doesn't it will suck but it's neither of our faults."**

**"Oh Paige I was so scared you two wouldn't make it."**

**"It's okay, I am fine. All kels has to do is wake up."**

**"I'm sorry again Paige."**

**"Me too. I love you Soph. Your my older sister."**

**"I love you too Paige. But now all you have to do is talk with Hayley."**

**"I am scared, what if she is still mad."**

**"Play the hospital card," Sophia laughed and Paige laughed along until she winced and Mere took her back to her room so they could sit with Kels.**

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**After Hayley left, the talk she was waiting for was coming in. Izzie, Christina, and Lexie were waiting outside.**

**"Hi," she said weakly.**

**"So this boy.... Chase," Christina said. Lyss rolled her eyes.**

**"My brothers and sisters were in a car crash and all you can do is talk about the boy I kissed for probably the tenth time," she scoffed.**

**"And how many times did you kiss Bryan," Lexie said. Lyss glared at her.**

**"Bryan was different. he was just to get back at my parents and was a total mistake. He wasn't love," Lyss said.**

**"So you love him," Izzie said.**

**"I could," Lyss confessed,**

**"You've known him for a week," Lexie said shocked.**

**"Almost two weeks, he's different. Like no other boy I have met," she said.**

**"And how many boys have you met?" Christina asked.**

**"Shut Up," she said. "Now, am I gonna get any help from you guys to see by siblings or do I need to walk." Izzie rolled her eyes and got a wheelchair.**

**"Someone's feeling better," Lexie observed.**

**"No, I am still dizzy and will probably throw up at least one more time today but I am distracted right now. Would you be?" she asked. Izzie and Christina helped her in it and wheeled her to Sophia's room first.**

**"Thank you," she said. "I got it from here." She wheeled it over to her bed side.**

**"Phia, Phia wake up," she said.**

**"Lyss," she said groggily.**

**"Oh Phia," she said. "I was so worried. I was stuck up here and I heard, it took Aunt Lexie twenty minutes to calm me down."**

**"Lyss one question," she said.**

**"What Phia?"**

**"How come whenever you are in the hospital you ask us to leave you alone yet when I am you come and bug me," she said.**

**"Phia," she said as Sophia laughed.**

**"You should be more worried about everyone else, I am fine," she said.**

**"Are you sure," she said.**

**"Yes," she said.**

**"Get better," Lyss said.**

**"I will once you leave," she joked and closed her eyes. Lyss was in Jake's room next.**

**"Why are you coming to see me?" he asked her. "I am fine."**

**"You had a shard of glass in your chest and you have a concussion, that is not fine," Lyss protested.**

**"And I am your brother," he guessed.**

**"Yes, and now I think all of your are more sick than me," she joked.**

**"The only one still sick is Kels, thy rest of us are fine" he said.**

**"Of really," she said.**

**"Yes, go see her, or Noah I am sure he wants to see you," he said.**

**"I will." She bent down and kissed his cheek.**

**"Yuck," he said disgusted and wiped it off.**

**"You are such a boy," she laughed and went on to Noah's room. She was surprised when she saw him up and talking, and who he was talking to.**

**"ALYSSA!" Lucy said happily.**

**"Lyssa," Noah echoed.**

**"This is such a coincidence" she said as Izzie wheeled her in the middle of the two of them.**

**"Alyssa I haven't seen you in a week," Lucy said. "Me and Charlotte thought you forgot about us."**

**"I could never forget you guys," she said. "So Noah how are you doing?"**

**"Fine. Aunt Izzie said I bwoke my leg and have a con- cocuson," he said.**

**"Oh a concussion," she said.**

**"I have to stay here fow a day," he said.**

**"Well you have to get better, and at least you have someone here for you," Lyss told him kissing him on the cheek.**

**"Yeah, me and Noah are best friends," Lucy said. Lyss smiled.**

**"Well then I will leave you two to talk then," she said as Izzie came and got her.**

**"Bye Alyssa," Lucy waved.**

**"Bye Lyssa," Noah said.**

**"Bye guys," she said. Izzie wheeled her to Paige's room next. Lyss let out a gasp that woke Paige.**

**"Lyss I am not dying," she said.**

**"Oh Paige," Lyss cried.**

**"I'm fine, it's Kels you should worry about, she hasn't woken up yet. I should know, I ask the nurses who come in here every five minutes," she said.**

**"Paige, Hayley told me bout your fight, and I didn't even know you were awake yet," Lyss said.**

**"Hayley, you talked to Hayley. Is she okay, is she mad?" Paige asked.**

**"She's fine, worried sick, and afraid to talk to you," she said.**

**"Why? I am afraid to talk to her."**

**"You should talk to her Paige, You have been by her side ever since you were born. Your twins, your sisters, your best friends."**

**"But she was so mad, do you know why?"**

**"It's up to her to tell you, it's not my decision. But you should still talk to her."**

**"Okay, I will." Paige laid back down.**

**"Now don't get up anymore, you will rip your stitches, or hurt your collar bone more," Lyss joked.**

**"See ya Lyss," she said rolling her eyes.**

**"Bye," Lyss said as Izzie rolled her to the final room, Kels. Meredith and Derek were already in there.**

**"Kels," she said shocked.**

**"Lyss," Mere said turning around, Lyss could tell she had been crying even more.**

**"Has she woken up yet has she?" she asked.**

**"Not yet," Derek murmured tears slipping down his face. Lyss grabbed her hand and started talking to her.**

**"Come one Kels, wake up. I am the one dying here. I am the sick one. Not you. Wake up." She sat there for a little while. Lyss on one side, Meredith and Derek on the other. All of a sudden Lyss feel Kels tighten her grasp on Lyss's hand. She let out a gasp and looks up at her parents. Kelsey groans.**

**"That's it Kels wake up," Lyss said.**

**"Come on baby," Derek said. Kels's eyes opened and locked with Lyss's.**

**"Kelsey, I am so glad your okay," Lyss rejoiced. Kels opened her mouth to speak.**

**"Who's Kelsey?" she asked. "Who are you?" Lyss looked up abruptly tears immediately falling. Her eyes locked with Meredith's and Derek's who gasped. She looked back at Kels the tears still running down her face.**

**"Who am I?" she asked again looking around the room.**

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**This chapter was mostly about the siblings. More of how Lyss's cancer is affecting them. Lyss blames herself for it while Sophia blames herself. But what about Hayley... Will she ever forgive herself for not being there? Will Mark help her stay away from the alcohol? Will she be able to when everything else bad is happening? Will Meredith and Derek ever find out? And the big question...... Will Kelsey ever remember her family??? And will the clinical trail work for Chase? Next chapter is the last thing revolving around the accident. Then it skips to two weeks later to Chase's first clinical trial date.**

**Let's go for 9!!!!!!! PLEASE :'(**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	56. Chapter 56: True Awakening

**Disclaimer: Nope.... Santa didn't bring it to me. NO FAIR!!! Uh....... maybe my birthday:) That way no more crazy Izzie, Meredith and Derek actually having a relationship, George have a good plot so T.R won't leave, and Mark can teach Lexie all he wants. Of course if I did own it I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

A/N:  
izzygeorge made me realize that some of you may be confused with all the side plots but it kind of all comes together in this chapter and somehow revolves around lyss. like lyss freaks out about kelsey's amnesia. hayley's hidden feeling of what the family has become about the cancer. sophia struggling to be the good older sister. jake's fight to stay strong and brave but really how alone he feels without his parents always there and his older sister kind of missing. kelsey's amnesia blocking out the family that she has grown to hate because all the grief going around. and noah's innocence about the whole subject.

Kels struggles to remember who she is. What happens when she only remembers one person and think she is her mother? Hayley gets the courage to face Paige but doesn't tell her the whole truth. While Jake is struggling to be strong and brave but is scared and feels alone, Noah and Lucy become closer until something happens. Finally Chase and Lyss's relationship escalates to where they admit something major.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"What- What do you mean, your Kels, your my sister," Lyss cried.

"No I am not, I don't even know who I am," Kels said.

"Kelsey," she cried.

"Why do you keep saying that name?" she asked.

"Because it's your name! Lyss cried.

"Shhh, Lyss baby," Mere said coming around to the wheelchair.

"I don't even know my own name," she muttered.

"Kelsey. That's your name!" Lyss cried. "I am Alyssa, your older sister. Remember, you annoy me so much but we still love each other.... And these are your parents, why can't you remember!" Kelsey flinched away. "You have other sisters too. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige. And brothers Noah and Jake. Come on Kelsey."

"For one, that's not my name, I would remember my own name," Kelsey said. "And two, I would think I could remember my own family's obviously you guys are not it. So get out of my room."

"Kelsey," Lyss cried. "Please."

"That is not my name," she muttered.

"Yes it is, you name is Kelsey Alexis Shepherd!" Lyss protested the tears still spilling.

"That is not my name!" she screamed and Lyss started crying hysterically. "GET OUT!" Mere wheeled her out quickly.

"Mommy, how come she doesn't remember!" she sobbed. Her whole body was shaking.

"Lyss we are going to run some tests to see if she has amnesia," Derek told her.

"Will she ever remember?" she asked.

"We are just going to have to slowly help her remember the little things," Mere explained. "And then hopefully she will remember the rest by herself.."

"HOPEFULLY!" Lyss cried. "She may never remember! I want my sister back!"

"Shhh Lyss it's okay, it usually temporary," Mere said.

"Key word being usually and this family obviously doesn't have the best luck in the world," Lyss cried.

"Baby, let's go back to your room, we will get your Aunt Izzie to run the tests okay," Derek said bending down beside her and kissed her forehead. Lyss nodded tearfully and let them take her back to her room.

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Kelsey, is that my name? Is that really my family? Who am I really? Who really is my family? These thought were running through Kelsey's mind as she watched that girl named Alyssa sob outside. Why does she have no hair? Why is she in the hospital too? What happened to me?

What was strange was that Kelsey could only remember one name. Izzie. Was it hers? She could only remember one face. It was not the woman who was standing by the hysterical girl. Not the woman that girl Alyssa said was her mother. I would remember my own mother wouldn't I? So that person must be her mother, but can she find her.

She looked up as her door opened and there she was, the only person she could remember.

"Mom?" she asked.

"No Kelsey," Izzie said. "I am your Aunt Izzie." Izzie, that's all she heard. It must have been her Mom. Izzie knew that she was probably so confused so if she still thought she was her Mom, she wouldn't deny it or confirm. No comment, just let her figure out for herself.

"Oh Mom, I am so glad you are here," Kelsey said. "There were these people here, they called me there daughter but I don't remember them. And then that girl, that crying girl, Alyssa I think her name was. She said I was her sister but I don't even remember having a sister. I can't remember my name. What is my name? You know what I don't care, call me what you want, I am just so glad you are here." _Poor Kelsey Izzie thought. _

"Well Kelsey..." Izzie started.

"So that is my name?" Kelsey interrupted.

"Yes but...."

"What happened?"

"You were in a car accident and have a brain injury, we need to take you down for a CT."

"We?"

"I am a doctor at this hospital Kels," Izzie explained.

"Okay," Kelsey nodded. "Do I have any brother's or sister's?"

"Yes you do," she said. No sense lying to her.

"What are there names?" she asked.

"We don't have time, we need to take you down to the CT," Izzie said.

"Oh okay," Kelsey says and lets Izzie help her into the wheelchair. They take her down to CT and Izzie tries to answer all of Kelsey's questions without crushing her.

"Those people aren't anywhere around here?" Kels asked as they put her in the machine.

"No," Izzie lied she knew Meredith and Derek were in the observation room. "Just lay still."

"Okay," she said. Izzie walks into the room where Meredith and Derek were.

"How is she?" they asked fearfully.

"Uh.... she's fine. She is confused she thinks I...." she was cut of by Derek.

"My poor baby, and Lyss I feel so bad, we had to sedate her she was freaking out. Chase is in there with her now. A week ago I was so wary about him but I am glad he is there for her," he said. He looked at the films the had just come up.

"It looks like most of the damage was in her frontal lobe. It looks like retrograde amnesia at the most," Mere said.

"Good, so she will be back to her normal self in no time," Izzie said and Derek nodded.

"Get her out of there, and then bring her back to her room. We want to be able to talk to her, Lyss did all the talking last time," he laughed slightly but grew serious. "I hope she will listen to us, it will help her get over the amnesia quicker. Or maybe she will just wake up and remember."

"Let's hope for that Derek," Meredith said and the two of them walked out of the room sadly. Izzie hoped that Kels didn't mention anything about being her mother. Derek had cut her off and didn't want them to be mad if they think she left it out. Izzie did what Derek had told her distractedly. She hadn't answered many of Kelsey's questions with other then a grunt or a nod. When she got into the room and helped her back in she prayed that she would listen. She told her she had to leave but stood outside the door as Meredith and Derek entered,

"What are you doing here?" Kels asked. "I want my Mom."

"Kelsey," Mere said coming up to her bed. "I am your mother. And this is your father. We are your family."

"No your not," Kelsey screamed.

"Kels," Derek said putting his hand on her arm. Kelsey pulled it back.

"NO! I want my Mom!" she said as Izzie opened the door.

"Mom," she called. Izzie eyes grew wide along with Meredith's and Derek's.

"No Kelsey," Mere said trying to stay calm. "That is your Aunt Izzie, I am your Mom."

"NO YOUR NOT!" she screamed.

"Kelsey," Derek said.

"AND YOUR NOT MY DAD!" she screamed. "Mom tell them to leave." Izzie opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.

"Kelsey, we are your parents," Derek said one last time.

"No your not! NO YOUR NOT! NO YOUR NOT!" she screamed loudly tossing and turning. Mere tried to be maternal and stroked her cheek gently.

"GET OFF OF ME!" she screeched. Kelsey started kicking and throwing her arms wildly one hitting Mere's cheek. Mere gasped and started crying, not from pain, but seeing her daughter like this. Nurses flooded the room.

"Kels, Kels," Derek said. "Calm down sweetie."

"NO," she screamed. "YOUR NOT MY PARENTS!"

"We have to sedate her," a nurses said.

"Do it," Derek said the tears spilling from his eyes. He watched as Kelsey's confused struggles died down.

"I'm sorry," Izzie said.

"It's not your fault Iz," Derek said wiping his tears. "You were the last mother figure she saw when you checked on them before Mark. That's why she remembers you and your name."

"Okay," she said. "Mere....." She looked at her. Her face was white and pale. The tears ran freely and she was shaking.

"Mere," Derek said. She didn't answer. She started to sway. "Mere, Mere." He ran over just in time to catch her as she collapsed to the floor.

"MERE!" Derek screamed terrified.

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Kelsey was awake, they were all fine. Sophia breathed a sigh of relief. It was the day after the accident. Jake was getting released today and Noah tomorrow. Sophia and Paige had to stay a few more days and Kels..... she was awake but didn't know who anyone was. She had heard what happened with Lyss and felt terrible. Then she heard what happened with her mother and felt obligated to try to stand. She had only gotten about three steps out of her room before Christina had caught her. She tried to explain that she had to be there for her siblings but Christina didn't get it and just made her go back to her room and sedated her.

Sophia felt like she had the weight of her entire family on her shoulders. The only one truly all right was Derek and he was breaking as well. Her mother was fine, but Sophia felt like she had to replace her while she was with Lyss or dealing with Kels now. She loved the fact that she had brothers and sisters and a great family, but hated the fact that she was the oldest, therefore responsible for everything.

"So I heard we had a runaway yesterday," she heard Paige say. Sophia looked and saw a nurse wheeling her over. "These damn wheelchairs, no wonder why Lyss is always complaining." Sophia laughed.

"I can't believe about Kels," Sophia said.

"I know, and of all the people to find it first it had to be Lyss."

"I feel terrible, she doesn't deserve it. Neither of them. None of us do."

"I know." She noticed that Sophia had started to cry. "Soph what's wrong? Don't start blaming yourself again it's...."

"It's not that Paige, it's just, I should have been there."

"What do you mean?"

"I should have been there for Kels and Lyss, I am their older sister."

"You can't be there for everything."

"I know but, I feel like I have a responsibility for them. And Mom and Dad, and all of you. I should have been there for Mom when Kels freaked out... I should have...."

"Should have what? Hurt yourself to be with them. No. You didn't have to be there you don't....."

"Paige you don't get it. I know you are an older sister to Lyss, and Jake, and Kels, and Noah, but it is different when you are the oldest. You feel like you have the responsibility of the entire family when something goes wrong. When your parents need someone to take care of them and don't have it. You feel like you need to be that person. And trust me, I love being that person. I love being the older sister. I love all of you it's just so hard. When you are little, you never think you are going to need to take responsibility for the family eventually, you don't live in the future, you live in right now. I never thought any of this would happen when I was little. Lyss having cancer, getting in a car accident, my family crumbling around me and having to stay strong because it's the only thing you can do." She was sobbing now and shaking violently.

"Soph, I know that I don't know what you are going through. But I can say this. I love being your little sister. It's the best. When Lyss used to tag along me and Hayley would always tag along with you. Your a great role model and for only being 16, you did a heck of a good job keeping us together in the early months but now..... Things are getting a lot more critical for Lyss and Mom and Dad have to be there for her more. We get that. It is getting hectic for all of us but mostly you. You feel like you should be able to protect your little sister, protect your family, and maybe you do, but you don't have to do it alone."

"What do you mean," Sophia said sniffling.

"Me and Hayley, I know I can't speak for her but.... We can be the older sister too. We can help around the house or babysit or whatever you do when you want to be with your friends or something. Anything to make you feel less stressed. Like you said, we are your little sisters but just because we are younger doesn't mean we can't take care of you too."

"Oh Paige," Sophia said hugging her sister gently.

"We will be there too, I promise."

"Thank you, so much. You don't know how much of a relief it is just to hear you say that."

"That's what I am here for," Paige said smiling.

"I love you Paige."

"I love you too Soph."

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"So Noah," Lucy asked. "What is it like to have an older sister like Alyssa?"

"She is so nice and it's scary because she has cancer just like you do," he said sadly.

"Your lucky, I don't have any older brother's or sisters. Just my Mommy and Daddy. They say that I am their one and only." She smiled but weakly. Since the support she had gotten paler. The distortion on her face for the tumor had gotten more evident and the left side of her body was slowly shutting down.

"Lucy why do people like you and Lyssa get sick?" he asked.

"I don't know, my Mommy said that God wants to prove how strong we are," Lucy asked. Over the past day the two had become inseparable. They talked constantly and laughed, and there was obviously a strong friendship.

"Then you must be as strong as Lyssa. And Lyssa is really strong, she is so cool and she plays field hockey and dances and sings."

"I don't think I am that strong."

"But you gots cancer like Lyssa so you gots to be as stwong as her."

"But we have diffewent cancers i think," she said tilting her head.

"Oh okay."

"I really like you Noah."

"I really like you too Lucy."

"My Mommy and Daddy says that when two people like each other enough they become boyfriend and girlfriend."

"My Mommy and Daddy said that too and that you kiss."

"EW I don't wanna kiss."

"But do you wanna be my giwlfwiend?"

"Yeah!"

"I never had a giwlfwiend before."

"I never had a boyfriend before."

"Do you feel any different?"

"No why?"

"My Mommy and Daddy says that when two people like each other so much you feel diffewent. Like something was missing."

"I feel something...."

"What?"

"It's something tingly...." she broke off as she started seizing and her monitors started going off.

"Lucy?" he asked. "Lucy!" Nurses flooded the room and one scooped him up and took him out.

"Her brain is swelling," he heard one nurse say. The beeping stopped. "She's in a coma." What is a coma?

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"Chase," Lyss cried into his chest. "She doesn't remember us." the sedative had lasted all day and the next day Lyss woke up hysterical and the only one to calm her was Chase.

"I know, Shhh. It's okay. It's only temporary. They confirmed it is that type."

"Are you serious?" She wiped her eyes.

"Yes. It is kind of like her mind is blocking something out she doesn't want to remember but with your parents help it will return, or she could just wake up and it would all be back."

"Really, so that means everyone is really okay now," she said.

"Yes, there is nothing to worry about except you again," he joked kissing her cheek.

"Chase," she slapped him on the chest.

"I thought you liked it when I kissed you?"

"On the lips," she said and leaned in. This was one of the longest kisses they ever had. When they broke apart they smiled.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Much," she said happily and kissed him again.

"That's what I am here for," he said smiling. He wrapped his arms around her and she closed her eyes. Her head still felt foggy, every inch of her body still hurt, but is his arms Lyss didn't care.

"I love you," she said so quietly he didn't hear. Did she just say that? Did she mean it? Yes, yes she did.

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Hayley wasn't sure what to do. Was Paige mad that she didn't come? Was she mad that she hadn't told her what was wrong? But she had to face it. Reluctantly Hayley stepped into her room.

"About time you visited me," she said smiling. Hayley ran up and hugged her tightly.

"Oh Paige, I am so sorry!" she cried.

"Hayley it's okay, I am fine now," Paige told her.

"Yes but I should have been there," she said.

"Don't live in the past, it's done over with, we are all okay," Paige said.

"I'm sorry," hayley said.

"Hayley what did I just....."

"No, not for that. I am sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't trust you, your my sister, my best friend, I should have."

"Hayley you are not making any sense," Paige said.

"I didn't tell you what was wrong," she said quietly.

"it doesn't matter anymore."

"It does to me, I wasn't at a friends. I was at the park."

"Hayley what does that..."

"Let me finish," she said. Paige nodded.

"I was at the park but the lake in particular. There I had a stash of some of Mom's tequila."

"HAYLEY!"

"I know, it was wrong but I felt disconnected from the family. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't watch Lyss die. I was scared to face it alone."

"Your not alone, you have me, Sophia, Jake, Kels, Mom, Dad, and Noah."

"I know but...."

"Your not doing it anymore are you?"

"No, I am fine now." No she wasn't. She still had those feelings, she still wanted to drown the pain. But this wasn't the time.

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Jake was wandering the hospital. He was discharged, yet he was still here. Derek or Meredith would take him home soon but they wanted some more time to try to break through with Kels. At one point Jake was in there with them but she got violent again and he ran out. It hurt him to see another of his sisters in so much pain. He had also heard about Noah. His roommate was now in a coma and he walked right in a tried to wake her up. Uncle Alex had to explain to him that he had to say goodbye because Lucy wouldn't wake up and was going to a special place where people with cancer go. He was so innocent. jake couldn't take it anymore.

Jake was walking through the hall but now he was running. Running away from the constant pain. Running away from his life. He put on the act, that he was brave, strong, but he felt alone. All he had was sisters old enough to understand anything that was going on. His parents weren't there because they were with Lyss. Normally he could share anything he wanted with Lyss, but now it was about her. he couldn't say that he was alone because she had cancer. He couldn't say he was afraid of her dying. It just wasn't right. He was alone.

Jake didn't know when the tears had started falling, or when the footsteps had started behind him, or when the person had started calling his name. he didn't care, he just wanted to run away from it all.

Now he could tell that the voice was Uncle Owen, and he probably wanted to talk but Jake didn't need to talk. He needed to just let it out. He finally gave up running and sat down on the floor pulled his knees up his chest and sobbed. The tears blurred his vision and only felt Owen wrap his arms around him and murmur comforting words. He had gotten what he wanted after all. He was able to sit there and cry.

More like sob but he was able to do it. He couldn't shake because Owen had a strong grip on him but he didn't care. He was getting it all out. And for once, since Lyss was diagnosed, Jake didn't feel alone.

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Kelsey was confused. She didn't know where she was. She barely knew who she was. One thing she knew for certain. Lyss was her sister. In almost a second the past nine years of her life had come back to her. Fighting with Lyss, Lyss rebelling, Lyss getting diagnosed. Her parents crying every night, her parents almost separated. The car crash.

She knew who she was, but she wishes she wasn't who she was. She didn't want to go back to a life that had to watch her sister slowly die. Her parents slowly disappear. Her siblings distressed. She didn't want any of it. But it was her life, and it was time to come back.

Slowly she opened her eyes. The first person she saw was Izzie.

"Aunt Izzie," she asked.

"Kels," she said shocked. "Oh Kels your back." What did she mean?

"Meredith, Derek she's back!" she heard Izzie call. Then her parents came in.

"Kelsey, we missed you," they cried. Where did she go? It all went so fast and her head hurt badly. Soon Lyss was in her room, she was sobbing.

"Oh Kelsey, you remember. I was so afraid you weren't going to," she cried. What did she remember?

All the questions she had, but Kels didn't care. She was back with her family, back to her life. If Lyss was dying she would be there.

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Last chapter about the accident. Sorry I killed Lucy but it is there for a reason, kind of Noah's innocence. The next chapter is mostly about Lyss and Chase. Meredith and Derek have small inputs along with some of her Aunt's and Uncle's when they realize how strong her relationship is with him. It's about two weeks later and Lyss is about to start her second induction session but that day is Chase's first trial date. What it is, is kind of a combo of radiation and chemo on his entire body with new chemicals in it. Lyss is there too and she says something big out loud for the first time.....

Let's go for 10!!!!!!! PLEASE :'(

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	57. Chapter 57: Knight in Shining Whatever

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

Everyone is back home and it is like the accident didn't happen. Well except for the fact that Kelsey is using Lyss's wig until she decided to wear it again. It's mostly about Lyss and Chase and how their relationship has grown in a month. Meredith and Derek show their views along with her Aunt's and Uncle's. It is almost like Lyss isn't sick anymore, but of course it has just been a break from the chemo.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!! Without her Chase wouldn't exist and nothing that happens in this chapter would have happened. This chapter wouldn't have existed.

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_Two weeks later......_

Lyss's life had fallen back into normality. No one else but her was in the hospital, her siblings were all okay, and her parents barely left her side. Of course they did when she was with Chase. It was heart breaking when she realized Lucy had died. She had fallen into a coma and died within a few hours after they had taken her off the machine. Noah was more devastated. He found out that she had died and what a coma was and revealed how hard this whole cancer thing was on him.

Lyss was excited because besides being Chase's first clinical trial date, it was Valentine's Day. It was the first one she ever celebrated. Of course the next day her and Chase probably wouldn't see each other much because he would be tired from his treatment and she would start her new induction which was going to be stronger and much worse then her last. Lyss was not looking forward to that, but she was looking forward to fighting through the pain with Chase, by each other's side. Of course Lyss would probably be in bed most of the time.

When Lyss woke up she saw her father asleep on the couch. He must of had a late shift because more and more in the past two weeks they have been finally leaving her alone at night. Slipping on her robe she walked slowly to his side and touched his shoulder. He jerked awake with a snort causing Lyss to giggle.

"Lyss," he said gruffly.

"Someone's tired," she laughed.

"Yes, yes I am, you couldn't leave me sleep," he answered.

"We both very well know that your shift ended at 9. It is now 8:15. Given your inability to get comfortable on anything besides your bed or chair that gives you a half an hour by the time you fell asleep. And we can't forget the 20 minute call with mom that took place. So that is roughly 10 hours of sleep and I would like to see my boyfriend without you snoring up the place," Lyss smirked.

"You are way too smart for your own good girl," Derek told her kissing her forehead and getting up. Lyss smiled sweetly and Derek left to let Chase in.

"About time you woke up," he joked and kissed her.

"Ha, ha, blame my Dad who is still watching so you better not kiss me again," she said looking out the window. Her father still had his scrubs on and waved to go get changed and go home with everyone since it was a weekend.

"Okay, that means we are free to kiss and talk until he gets back," Chase said.

"No, my Aunt Izzie usually checks on me at 9, and then the rest of my Aunt's take turns every other hour checking in on me," she told him sitting down. he sat down on her bed next to her. "So I suggest we talk, not kiss."

"Okay, do you know what day is today?"

"Valentines day," she said giggling. "I am glad I am not home, my Dad and Mom always do something so corny it is sad."

"Yeah," he said and then his voice dropped. "Some day for treatment."

"Chase...."

"I am scared. These things are always risky, how many people did you say died before your parents trial was a success."

"I am not telling you that. Let's not think that way right now."

"Okay," he said.

"You know that support group a month ago was like a dating service. Hooking up cancer patients with other cancer patients."

"I can't believe you just said that."

"It's true. And I am glad I decided to go."

"Me too."

"It was like the happiest day of my life since I got the cancer. Wait, no second happiest."

"What's first?"

"Rent."

"So I am beaten by a broadway show."

"Well that Adam Pascal is so dreamy and Idina Menzel and Tracie Toms are my idol for god's sake. I met that."

"I guess it beats a stinky boy who has chemicals in his veins."

"Chase. One, you are not stinky. And two, I probably have more chemicals still in my veins. You stopped induction more then a month ago. I stopped a little more then two weeks ago. And I am starting it tomorrow."

"Well I have my clinical trial today."

"Well I have radiation tomorrow in addition to the induction."

"Is everything always a competition with you?" Lyss laughed.

"Well this is one competition I wish I could lose. I want to go back to the way things were before, not the rebellion but before that. We were happy, sort of, it was hectic, but we were a family. We loved each other...."

"Lyss your parents still love you."

"I know, but I wish that I could love them back, not having cancer. The only thing good that came out of it was meeting you."

"Lyss," he said blushing but kissed her anyway. Lyss settled in his arms.

"Don't ever leave me," she whispered.

"I won't," he promised.

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Izzie walked into Lyss's room. She wasn't shocked to see Chase in there because he barely ever left her side. The two were inseparable. Chase was holding Lyss as she slept. Izzie nodded and left but kept an eye on them from the outside until she had surgery. She couldn't believe how close the two of the got.

She couldn't believe that Lyss, the girl she never thought would get pregnant at 13, never thought would have cancer, could love someone the way she did with Chase. Izzie really believed that it was love. Just seeing how caring Chase is for her, and how he put her first even though he has cancer too. Lyss was never the type to get attached to anyone besides her Aunt's and Uncle's and yet there she was, in Chase's arms. She was happy he was there for her, understood her. This was the happiest she had seen her since Rent.

Izzie watched as she woke up and gave Chase a kiss on the lips. She was happy, it was clear. But were either of them prepared to lose one another if it happened?

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Meredith walked into the hospital her kids behind her. They went to various places but she went right to Lyss's room. She noticed Chase was in there but didn't really care. She knew that he probably had come as soon as Derek left and that was almost 3 hours ago.

"Hey Lyss," she said coming in.

"Oh, hey Mom," she said happily.

"Hey Mrs. Shepherd," Chase said.

"Hi Chase," Meredith said. "Do you mind if I have my daughter for a little."

"No, not at all," he said sweetly and got up and left. But he didn't forget to kiss Lyss goodbye.

"So, what do you want?" Lyss asked.

"Is it so horrible to have some time alone with your mother, without your boyfriend," Meredith joked.

"When it's in a hospital......" she said.

"Lyss."

"Of course if you could sneak me into a cool surgery I would spend all the time in the world with you."

"You've done that before haven't you."

"Well that was my birthday present from Aunt Christina but I didn't feel well enough to go."

"I have to talk to her about that..."

"Oh please Mom," she said pouting. "You can't say that neither you or Daddy have at least one cool surgery today. Or even Aunt Christina, or heck I will even say Uncle Mark." Meredith knew how she hated her Uncle's field.

"Well..... I have...."

"Really, oh thank you."

"I didn't say yes Lyss."

"But you implied it, oh please please please please PLEASE!"

"I don't know Lyss, I won't feel comfortable....."

"I've done it before, it's fine. It' so cool. Plus, I won't probably be able to see any for a while because no matter what happens I will probably end up feeling to sick to get up."

"Get your Aunt Christina to sneak you in if you must but it wasn't my idea."

"YES!" Of course she hadn't agreed on both her and Chase which was exactly what Lyss did. As Mere was looking at someone's brain she had looked up and saw both of them next to each other staring at what she was doing. Lyss waved but Meredith looked at her sternly and then looked at Chase. But of course they were too lost in each other to notice what she meant.

That got her thinking, did they really love each other? The way they are looking at each other it makes it hard to disagree. She was so glad to finally see her daughter happy again. The last time she saw her like this was when she was 12 and was at her dance recital. It made Mere feel guilty about missing her last recital. Whenever Lyss was on the stage she could like up a room with her smile and energy. It made Mere think if they would ever get back to that. But of course when Lyss was with Chase her smile was always there.

Mere was happy for her. She knew it was like to find someone who was perfect. Understanding, was caring, would never let you down. She had Derek and her kids deserved that too. Seeing Lyss with Chase gave Mere hope that Lyss would survive this and beat the cancer.

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Derek walked into the gallery to watch his wife operate. Imagine his surprise when he sees Lyss and her boyfriend in there as well.

"Alyssa Danielle....." he growled.

"Daddy," she said surprised.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked.

"Aunt Christina snuck me and Chase in," she said.

"She did, it's true," Chase piped up. Derek shook his head and sat down next to her.

"What am I gonna do with you Lyss. And you Chase, you should keep this girl in line," he joked. Lyss and Chase laughed and continued to watch. They were really close. Derek just realized this. At first he just thought he was a fling, like she needed someone her age to help her during this hard time. Now he knew that it wasn't. The joy on her face when he even talked. It was like he was her knight in shining whatever.

In the beginning he was really reluctant but as soon as he could see that she trusted him and that he could be trusted Derek warmed up to the idea. It was good that she could have someone for her when he or Meredith or any of her family could be there. He was just glad that she had someone to distract her from all that is happening and how bad the cancer is getting.

Chase is giving Lyss something to fight for and that means Derek has more time with his daughter. Derek never thought he would even have to imagine out living any of his kids but if Lyss didn't fight it would become a reality.

"So what did you do to get Christina to get you in here?" Derek asked.

"She lets me do it all the time," Lyss told him. He rolled his eyes.

"And you aren't grossed out at all, you are only 14."

"Nope, it's so cool, you know I want to follow in your footsteps." Derek hoped that she would one day, and with the help of Chase, she just might.

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Derek had kicked Chase and Lyss out after about twenty minutes of him being there. Of course it probably was for the best because the clinical trial started in about an hour. Lyss and Chase got to be alone because the room would be full of other people then. They were still laying now in Chase's bed when it was time.

"Alyssa, Chase," Izzie said opening the door.

"Huh," Lyss said.

"It's time," she said and Lyss got up immediately. She was more excited that she was going to get to be there for Chase during his treatment like he was there during hers.

"Come on Chase," she said sitting down in her wheelchair.

"Yeah, yeah. You're not the one getting the treatment," he grumbled.

"Come on, this can save your life," Lyss said. "Like I want to do another induction session."

"I going Lyss," he said as she smiled. Lyss wheeled her own wheelchair until Meredith came and pushed it. They got in the room and hooked him up to the machines, Lyss saw the look of terror on his face.

"Wait," she said suddenly. "Can I have a moment with Chase before we start."

"Sure Lyss," Izzie said and got every one to leave the room.

"Chase," she said as he looked down. "Chase, listen to me." He looked up.

"Lyss, I am scared that this won't work," he said sadly.

"Chase, there are other trials, if this doesn't work you have more options, you are not giving up. You can't give up, for me."

"You make it so hard to even think bad Lyss."

"That's my job," she said kissing him.

"I love you," he blurted out and looked down. Lyss opened her mouth but nothing came out. "Oh my god, I shouldn't have said anything. Oh my god."

"No," she said as he looked down. "Chase I love you too."

"You do."

"Yes, I loved you since I first saw you." He smiled and leaned in and kissed her again.

"Now let's kick your cancer's ass," she said.

"Good plan." He smiled widely again as the rest of the doctors walked into the room.

"Okay Chase, let's start," Dr. Hanes said turning on the machine. Lyss took his hand as the usual burn of the chemo rushed through his body. Meredith couldn't help but see the moment between them. But all of a sudden his eyes closed and his head lulled.

"Chase, Chase wake up," Lyss said and started shaking him. The monitors started going off."CHASE!" Lyss screamed.

"He's going into cardiac arrest," Dr. Hanes hissed. Chase's parent's held each other tightly, holding their breath.

"Lyss get out of the way," Mere said grabbing her daughter.

"CHASE! CHASE!" Lyss screamed as Izzie grabbed the paddles.

"Clear," she said and pressed the paddles to his chest.

"CHASE!" Lyss sobbed as Meredith held her back.

"Clear," Izzie said again as the flat line sounded through the room.

"I'm so sorry," Mere whispered in Lyss ear.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! CHASE! DON'T LEAVE ME! CHASE!" Lyss cried and started shaking.

"CHASE!" Mere held her tighter as she sobbed in her arms her own tears falling down her face at her daughter's sorrow.

"Shhh, Shhh," she said. "I'm sorry."

"CHASE! NO! NO!" Lyss sobbed and started to shake harder. Mere stroked her face and held her even tighter as they put a sheet over his body.

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............ Sorry for killing Chase too................. Don't be mad it is for a reason and you will see that reason in two or three chapters. The only reason Chase was in the story was to kill him.

I would really like to have at least 8 reviews for this chapter please.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	58. Chapter 58: Everything

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

Now, I know many of you want to kill me but now that Chase is gone Lyss goes into a depression. At first she denies it but soon the only people she will talk to, and it's brief are her parents. Even as her induction stops her health slowly declines because she refuses to eat anything. She slowly disappears because there is so much pain that Chase had distracted her from. Will that affect her future?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She came up with the Chase story line be mad at her not be :) ha just kidding!)

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Lyss's eyes slowly opened. She felt protective arms around her and at first thought it was Chase but as she stirred she turned and saw her Mom.

"Mom?" she asked groggily.

"Hey baby, how you holding up?" Mere asked. Soon after he had died Lyss collapsed and blacked out. Mere hadn't let go of her since.

"Fine, I had the strangest most horrible dream last night," she said.

"Lyss," Mere said. "That wasn't...." she broke off as Lyss pulled the covers off and jumped up.

"It was a dream wasn't it?" she asked.

"Lyss..." she never got to finish because Lyss ran full speed out of the room and stopped at the open door the used to be Chase's. It was empty, everything was gone, even the name plate outside was no longer there.

"It wasn't a dream!" Lyss cried as Mere caught up to her along with Derek and several others. Her legs got wobbly and she collapsed to the floor sobbing.

"Oh Lyss," Mere cried as Derek bent down and picked her up gently.

"I wanted it to be a dream!" she sobbed as Derek brought her back to her room and sat on the bed. Lyss started shaking as Derek slowly rocked her back and forth his chest muffling the sobs slightly.

"I know," he said quietly. "Shhh baby, I know."

"Daddy, why? Why him?" she cried as Mere came around and sat on her bed. She turned around to where Izzie was standing along with Miranda, Christina, and Lexie.

"She doesn't have to start today does she?" she pleaded.

"No Mere, but definitely tomorrow," Izzie told her.

"We know how much she loved him... um... so... it's okay," Miranda sighed.

"Thank you," she said wiping her own tears away before turning to Lyss who fell asleep in Derek's arms.

"Oh Derek, this is what I was afraid of," she said sadly.

"Me too," he agreed.

"It hurts me so much to see her in this much pain on top of everything else."

"Do you think she will ever get over it?"

"I hope, I just feel bad for his parents. It was so unexpected. I wasn't even able to give them my regards because Lyss was hysterical. I think they were in shock."

"I wish I could have been there."

"Derek, I have never seen my daughter this heart broken, it was just.... so hard."

"We just have to be there for her. No matter what."

"I just hope she doesn't give up. She worked so hard. She almost seemed like she wasn't sick."

"That's because she had someone to work hard for."

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Everything in her body hurt. it wasn't fair. He promised, he promised that he would never leave her, and now Chase was gone. By the time Lyss had woken back up it was the next day. She was still in Derek's arms.

"Daddy," she said quietly.

"Hey baby girl," he said stroking her cheek.

"I have to start induction today don't I?"

"Yes sweetie," he told her.

"Chase promised he would be there for me."

"Lyss baby.... You really did love him didn't you."

"I never felt this way about someone before. Bryan.... he was just to spite you and Mommy but Chase, he was real."

"Lyss, just don't think about him."

"But if I don't think about him, it just hurts more because I know."

"You know what I know?"

"What Daddy?"

"That Chase is looking down at you right now."

"You think so?"

"Yes I do, especially if he loved you like you did him."

"He did."

"I am so sorry."

"Talking about him makes it feel better."

"You don't have to if you don't want to though." Lyss fell silent and shifted in his arms to face him.

"I love you daddy, thank you for being there for me."

"I love you too angel. I will always be there for you."

"That's what Chase said," she said inaudibly. Derek placed a small kiss on her forehead as Izzie, Meredith, Miranda, and a few others came in warily. Lyss got up slowly and looked at them.

"Hey," she said quietly. Her eyes were red and puffy from the constant tears that had flowed. This was the first time she had refrained from any crying.

"Hey baby," Mere said kissing her forehead.

"Hey Lyss," Izzie said with a sympathetic smile. "So you remember..." Lyss nodded and stuck out her arm for the IV. They stuck the needle through the vein and unhooked the clamp that was on the bag and yet another round of induction had started. Just a little more pain for Lyss to endure.

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Meredith sat at the edge of Lyss's bed. Soon after the treatment had begun Lyss had fallen asleep again. Derek had a shift so Mere had left the girls in charge and stayed by Lyss's side.

About an hour later Lyss woke up, but she was not ready to talk. By the time she sat up she began retching and just like before Mere held the bin underneath her as she vomited violently. But this time was different, Lyss could barely stop. No matter how many drugs were pumping through her body at the moment Lyss couldn't stop. When she finally did a minute later Mere gathered her in her arms as Lyss started crying and murmured comforting words in her ear.

"Mommy," she said hoarsely.

"What Lyss?" Mere asked.

"It's hurts."

"What hurts Lyss?"

"Everything," she whispered and closed her eyes and began to shake. Mere held her protectively until she fell asleep and again shifted back to the side of her bed. Mere was a doctor, she knew it would get this bad, but did it have to come so soon. Even she didn't expect it to go this bad so soon. If it was already this bad, how much worse could it get? And why did it have to happen to her?

Again when Lyss woke up the next time she began to vomit although this time they gave her a sedative so she would not wake up again. Derek was now at her bedside. Meredith was now working her shift although it took a lot of convincing to get her to go. Derek gently stroked Lyss's cheek and held her hand. It hurt him so much to see her like this.

Within the next few hours Meredith's shift had ended and she went to stay with Lyss for the night since Derek had left. Meredith fell asleep on the couch but was awoken around 2 o'clock when Lyss began to vomit again. When it was all over they gave her morphine to try and stop the pain that was coursing through her body but again like last time she had an allergic reaction to it meaning she got up about an hour later to throw up. This time they gave her a sedative and finally slept for the rest of the night. Mere was woken up by Derek nudging her gently.

"Hey," he said gently kissing her on the lips.

"Hey Derek," she said sleepily getting up.

"How was she last night?" he asked.

"Horrible, she couldn't sleep and kept vomiting, it was heart breaking."

"Great," he said defeated.

"I know."

"This is only her first day."

"But it is stronger this time."

"I know, but now she has a greater risk for infection and...... what if she gives up?"

"I don't know," Mere said crying softly. Derek hugged her tightly as Lyss's eyes open slightly. But it was inevitable she had to throw up so Meredith and Derek let go of each other and ran over to their daughter. When she was finished she didn't fall asleep this time, she just looked up at her parents tearfully.

"It's never going to end is it?" she asked weakly.

"Shhh baby," Derek said stroking her cheek. He wanted to take her pain away.

"I want it to be over," she said quietly.

"I know, but this is your last treatment, it is going to be fine," Mere told her.

"What if it isn't?" Lyss asked.

"We'll decide when it gets to that, but not now," Derek said as Izzie walked in.

"Hey guys," Izzie said trying to sound happy.

"Hi Iz," Mere said sadly.

"Hi Aunt Izzie," Lyss said quietly.

"How are you feeling?" Izzie asked.

"Like crap," Lyss told her.

"Well we will prescribe another anti-nausea medicine, hopefully that will help," she said.

"Okay," Lyss said laying back down. Izzie left but Derek followed her out.

"Iz," he called after her.

"Derek," Izzie said.

"Should she be this bad already," he asked.

"She was still not fully recovered from the last session but we couldn't have waited any longer."

"But she didn't seem...."

"Because she had Chase, he was always there for her."

"And now she is also weighed down by grief."

"Yes. You have to give her time, we may have to keep her for more then a month. Will she eat anything?"

"I don't know. She threw up all last night."

"Try to get her to eat something, it won't hurt, but it will if she doesn't get any nutrition. She is too pale and lost a lot of weight."

"I will. When is her next check-up?"

"Tomorrow." Derek let out a sigh. "Don't worry Derek, she will get through this."

"I know, it's just...." he turned around and looked into the room where Lyss was sleeping again.

"You're afraid. We all are. We don't want to lose her any more then you do, she is part of our large family and we all love her. You don't know how many times I imagine not seeing her smiling face on the stage again dancing, singing, or acting."

"That's when she is the happiest."

"And she is amazing. Besides you and Mere, I think that is another whole reason to why she wouldn't want to let go."

"Iz, I hope you are right."

"I know I am right." Izzie smiled at him and the two friends shared a short hug until Derek walked back into the room with Mere and Lyss.

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I think the reason isn't going to be next chapter, but the one after. The whole reason Chase was in the story was for that. Well, you'll see. Still sorry but it had to be done, I promise you will see him once more before the end. In a flashback? I don't even know yet :) Next chapter there is a cute moment with her friends who try to break through her depression. When I say depression it is pretty much her lying in bed, refusing to eat, throwing up like usual, and not talking to anyone. Basically shutting down.

I would really like to have at least 8 reviews for this chapter please.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	59. Chapter 59: For Now

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

This is three days after, she began and it has gotten worse. She no longer struggles to sit up, attempts to eat, and doesn't give any more then one or two word answers. She is getting dangerously thin and scaring Meredith and Derek who can't seem to get through to her. Will any one else be able to? Is this the end?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She helped me a lot with this chapter, like all the talks.)

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_Three days later....._

Derek walked into Lyss's room with a sigh. Her eyes were closed but he could tell she wasn't asleep. Lyss always had a thin frame just like Meredith but her weight at the moment was ridiculous. Her ribs stuck out underneath her hospital gown and it was a sorry sight that broke his heart. He walked over to her bed and grabbed her hand gently. Slowly her eyes opened.

"Hey baby," he said. She blinked and looked at him. Only locking eyes for him with a moment before looking away.

"You hungry?" he asked as a nurse brought in a food tray. Lyss shook her head and turned her back to it.

"Come on Lyss, you have to eat to get better," he urged rubbing her back. The nurse put the tray down and walked out of the room.

"Not hungry," she whispered.

"I know but you are anemic and you can't not eat. You need nutrition," Derek said. Lyss shook her head again and started vomiting. Derek held the bin in front of her and rubbed her back gently.

"There you go," he said as she finished. "You're okay." Lyss looked back up at him and closed her eyes sadly. A single tear ran down her face and she let out a small whimper.

"Oh baby," he said wiping it away his own tears falling silently. He knew she missed Chase, and he felt horrible. He wished that he could take away her pain but she wouldn't let him. Lyss was slowly shutting down and Derek couldn't handle it. She looked like a skeleton with skin just hanging on the bones. It was like she was a ghost sitting in the bed.

Derek grabbed Lyss hand again and rubbed it gently, she was scaring him so much. He watched as her chest slowly rose and fell with each breath as if it would stop. And her appearance made Derek think that it could. She was giving up, he knew it. She was falling into a depression, and he knew it. Everyone could tell, everyone knew it. No one could get through to her. The past three days have been hard as well. Lyss had heard that Chase's funeral had already passed and made her more distressed.

Yesterday Lyss had caught an infection and spent the day in isolation. She was still hooked up to the antibiotics on top of the induction, morphine, and anti-nausea medicine. Derek knew it was so hard for her but he thought that she would fight. He still believed that she would fight but how could she fight if she refused to eat, talk, or move.

At her check-up on Monday they had confirmed her anemia, her weight loss, and lack of nutrition. Lyss was less than 60 pounds now. Izzie had informed them two days ago that if she didn't start to eat they would have to hook her up to a feeding tube. That was the last thing she needed on top of everything else.

Derek and Meredith had tried really hard to keep there children away from the room. Especially Noah since he hasn't recovered from Lucy yet. Unfortunately Sophia, Hayley, Paige, and Kelsey were at the hospital the other day when she caught the infection. They had heard from the nurses that she was isolation and ran down there. Derek wished he could have been there because Kelsey had freaked out and collapsed to the floor. Meredith had gotten her but Derek was in surgery and couldn't be there for his daughters. He knew they would see her at some point but Derek wished it wouldn't have been when she was at her worst.

Derek's gaze returned to Lyss and by the heaviness of her breathing knew that she was finally asleep. She looked so peaceful but he knew that was the last thing she was. He jumped when he felt someone touch his back and turned around to see Meredith standing behind him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder as they both looked at their daughter.

"You scared me," he murmured.

"Sorry," Meredith said kissing his neck. "How is she?"

"She wouldn't eat," Derek told her sadly.

"Again," Mere said surprised.

"Yeah," he choked out as tears started to spill.

"Oh Der," she said turning him to face her. She placed a kiss on his lips and wiped his tears away.

"She is giving up. Lyss said two words to me."

"She's tired Derek."

"I know, but look at her, she is so thin. They are going to have to put in a feeding tube. She is already hooked up the the antibiotics, morphine, everything. She is falling into a depression."

"You see it too."

"Yes, she is shutting down. I can't get through to her."

"Me either, not even Bailey. I am so scared Der."

"I know." They were both crying now.

"Sophia wants to talk to her."

"I don't know Mere. It's only been two weeks since the accident...."

"She is over it now, or almost.... come on Derek, maybe she can get through to her."

"She can try, but not now." He turned back to Lyss as Meredith kissed him, kissed Lyss's forehead and left the room sadly.

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Sophia walked up to Lyss's door, Derek was still in there but she wanted to talk to her now. He was oblivious to her walking in and didn't realize it until she touched his shoulder.

"Sophia," he said surprised.

"Dad, get some rest," she said.

"I don't want to leave her, and I don't want you to see her like this," he protested.

"I am almost 17 dad, I am fine. She needs help, and you haven't broken through yet, let me try, please." She looked at him seriously.

"You can try, it won't do any harm."

"Thank you," she said hugging him and taking his place by the side of Lyss's bed. She gently nudged her and Lyss only groaned.

"Lyss, Lyss please wake up," Sophia pleaded. Reluctantly Lyss opened up her eyes and looked at Sophia.

"Hey," she said smiling. Lyss blinked.

"Lyss what are you doing?"

"What?" Lyss whispered.

"Are you trying to die? Are you trying to hurt Mom and Dad?"

"No," Lyss said.

"Then what are you doing?"

"It hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything."

"Then try."

"I am," Lyss protested weakly.

"Then why aren't you eating, why are you barely speaking?" A few tears began to fall down Lyss's cheek.

"I miss him."

"Chase?" Lyss nodded weakly. "But that doesn't mean you should give up."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. You are hurting, we know, we all know... but you are hurting us all. Dad and Mom, they are so scared, and.... just don't give up yet okay Lyss."

"I'll try," she whispered and closed her eyes.

"I love you Lyss," Sophia said.

"Me too." Sophia stayed and watched as her sister's breathing slowed again. She knew the last thing she said was true, that she loved her. But Sophia wasn't sure that Lyss would really try. She didn't agree to eat, she didn't try to even sit up, and the longest thing she said to her was three words.

The tears started to spill uncontrollably. She needed to fight, she needed her sister back.

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Izzie walked by Lyss's room sadly. She had watched as the young girl slowly deteriorated. When Izzie looked in and was surprised to see Sophia instead or Meredith or Derek.

"Sophia," Izzie said walking in. She noticed she was crying.

"Aunt Izzie," Sophia said surprised looking up and wiping away her tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Lyss, she..."

"I know, why don't you go find your parents. I will stay here."

"You sure."

"Yeah," Izzie said hugging her and sitting down next to Lyss. Izzie sat there for maybe twenty minutes until Lyss stirred. Although she didn't open her eyes Izzie knew she was awake.

"Lyss," Izzie whispered as Lyss opened her eyes.

"Hey," izzie smiled.

"Hey," Lyss choked out.

"How are you feeling?" Lyss looked straight into Izzie's eyes and Izzie knew.

"What did it feel like?" Lyss asked unexpectedly.

"What did what feel like?" Izzie asked.

"When Denny died?"

"Oh Lyss."

"Did you love him?"

"Yes I did."

"I loved Chase."

"I guess you heard about the vigil I sat on the bathroom floor." Lyss nodded. "I wanted to give up, I did give up for a while but I knew how much I was hurting everyone. I was depressed. But he wouldn't have wanted me to do that to myself. Everything hurt, I thought that I could have saved him."

"Oh."

"You felt like that didn't you. You feel like that." Lyss nodded. "But now here is the question, would Chase want you to do this to yourself."

"No." Lyss said tears running down her face. Izzie helped her up and hugged her tightly.

"You don't have to be like me. You made no mistake." Lyss started crying but as they broke apart began retching. Izzie acted quickly and pulled the bin out from the side the bed and rubbed Lyss's back. She murmured comforting words in her ear and as she finished Lyss resumed crying.

"I am so tired of this," she choked out.

"I know, I know."

"It will get better right."

"I hope Lyss."

"Me too." Izzie realized she actually broke through. Lyss had a lot more to go through, a lot more to fight. But Lyss talked to her, sat up, now all she had to do is get her to eat. Izzie just hoped that this was enough to help break through the depression that is creeping upon her and get her to fight a little harder.

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Mark was at the nurses station. He heard a few of the whispering quietly.

"Did you here that Alyssa is giving up?" one said.

"What?" the other said.

"Yeah she is depressed, she doesn't eat or anything."

"McDreamy must be...."

"He is, he is freaking out." Mark stared at Lyss's room. The door was open like always and watched as izzie walked out.

"Iz," he said.

"Mark," Izzie said surprised.

"I haven't been able to see Lyss for the past few days, how is she?"

"Mark she is.... terrible. She won't eat, I just got her to talk more then two words. It.... she is disappearing right in front of us."

"Well, I can try and change that."

"It's hard for her, we both know how it is to lose someone you love."

"I know," he said walking in.

"Lyss, I wouldn't go to sleep now if I were you," he announced as he walked in. Lyss's eyes opened.

"Hey kid," he said sitting down.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Not excited to see me," he joked.

"I am," she protested.

"I know."

"So they finally sent you in to..."

"No, I haven't been able to keep up, I just found out from the nurses."

"My parents didn't tell you."

"No."

"I am surprised Aunt Addie isn't here."

"I'm sure she will be here soon." Lyss looked away sadly.

"Lyss, why won't you eat."

"Too hard."

"Do you want a feeding tube."

"No."

"Then why must you refuse to eat."

"The medication."

"I know what that is like but you should try."

"But..."

"No buts."

"It hurts too much."

"When do you ever give up?"

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought."

"Well maybe that's bull shit. You're like a daughter to me Lyss." Lyss attempted to smile but it was impossible. Mark bent down and kissed her forehead.

"Get some rest," he said cupping her cheek. "And don't forget what I said."

"I won't."

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Everyone gave Lyss so many reasons to not stop fighting. She probably could eat if she wanted, she probably could speak more or sit up, but it is too hard. The chemicals and medication and everything running through her body right now is unbearable. She has to throw up constantly but refrains from it, wants to sleep constantly, and can barely do the things she actually does.

Everyone thinks it is a depression from Chase but that is only part of it. She is so tired and just wants to just give up. But Lyss knew she couldn't do that to everyone. Everyone who loves her. Her Mom, her Dad, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, Noah, Uncle Mark, Aunt Addison, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Alex, Aunt Izzie, Aunt Christina, Uncle Owen, Aunt Lexie, Uncle George, her friends, her Nana, Aunt Kathleen, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Emma, Aunt Lyndsey, her cousins. Everyone who will miss her, everyone who will be so hard to leave.

But Chase is also a reason. How much Lyss wants to be back with him. But she will fight.... for now.

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Woops. I lied, not next chapter the reason will appear but the next chapter after that. And trust me, the reason isn't anything happy, it's sad and heart breaking. It will all work out though I promise.

I would really like to have at least 9 reviews for this chapter please.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	60. Chapter 60: True Friendship

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

****

This is Lyss's last day of induction. She still hasn't eaten a bite of food but also refuses the feeding tube. It is obvious..... and then Christina comes in and imagine how that turns out. You will be surprised on how their little talk goes, of course lyss is only semi conscious because of the morphine. And then it gets sad again for another reason, but then she has many visitors, will one be unwanted? This chapter is mostly about Lyss and the next chapter will too. But then it gets more into everyone around her watching her go through it because...... Nope, I won't give it away. It is really long, and there is a lot of flashbacks, I will warn you, but it is good.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She helped me a lot with this chapter.)

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_Four days later........_

Everything hurt. Lyss could barely move, could barely think, let alone eat. They had tried to force her, they tried to do everything, but wasn't she suffering enough already? Without eating she threw up almost constantly, she was dizzy all the time, could barely talk, and couldn't even sit up. Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone. That's what she wanted. Maybe then they would realize that she didn't want to leave. If everyone could just take it in her perspective they would realize she just needs rest, time to recover, not everyone hounding her. She needed someone to listen to her, someone to understand her.

That's when Christina stormed through the door making Lyss's eyes widen before shutting them quickly.

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_Few minutes earlier......_

"Has she spoken to any of you guys yet?" Christina asked looking in the window where Alyssa was laying on her side her back facing them. Outside Meredith, Izzie, Derek, Christina, and Miranda stood watching her.

"No," Meredith said sadly.

"What is with that girl?" Christina said.

"She won't eat, refuses the feeding tube, pretty much refuses anything that will help her. It's like she wants to die!" Meredith cried. Derek pulled her into a hug.

"Shhh, Mere. Shhh," he soothed stroking her hair.

"That can't be Lyss," Christina said. "I know I haven't visited her because I wanted to give her space but I don't believe it."

"See for yourself," Izzie said.

"I was planning on it," Christina said pushing past Izzie.

"Christina, don't be hard on her," Meredith pleaded looking up from Derek's chest. "She has been through so much." Christina nodded, grabbed Lyss's food tray and barged into the room. She saw Lyss flinch so she knew that she was awake and heard her. Then she slammed the food tray down. She stared at Lyss for a few seconds.

"And don't think that I don't know you are awake half-pint," Christina said to her. Lyss tried her hardest to stay still. "Alyssa Danielle Shepherd..." Reluctantly Lyss shifted slightly so she stared at the ceiling without giving Christina a glance.

"What are you doing to yourself Lyss," she asked. Lyss didn't answer.

"Answer me," Christina commanded.

"Sitting here," Lyss answered weakly.

"Not that, you know what I meant. Are you even trying to stay with all of the people who love you."

"I'm fighting," Lyss protested.

"No your not, if you were fighting, you would be eating."

"It's too hard," Lyss said.

"Have you even tried?" Christina accused.

"No," Lyss said the tears starting to run down her face.

"Do you want to leave us," Christina asked again.

"No," Lyss cried weakly.

"Do you know what happens to me when people leave me?" Christina asked Lyss. Lyss shook her head. "I break down, especially when it's people I love... My first wedding, I was left at the altar. And you know who had to pick up the pieces, your mother. But if you go Lyss, there will be no one. No one for anyone. Everyone will be broken, and that's because you stopped fighting."

"I'm fighting."

"No your not!"

"How do you know," Lyss cried and started shaking uncontrollably. Christina bent down beside her and held her tightly. "I am fighting, I just..... I just miss him. I miss him so much. I want to be with him again. It seems so unfair that I am alive and he is dead. I pushed him to do the clinical trial. I killed him. If I would have just....... I want Chase back."

"I know, I know. But think Lyss. Think of what you were like before the cancer. Think of what the world would lose, the talent that would be denied. Chase will always be with you, always be in your mind.... but someday, you will find someone else. Someone who is just as great. I found your Uncle Owen. Chase will never leave you just like I never stop thinking of Burke every once in a while. But half-pint, you have to fight. For me, for everyone, because we are with you every step of the way." Lyss looked up the tears still falling down her face.

She felt terrible, and not in the sick way. Her Aunt Christina never showed emotion like this. As much as it hurt her Lyss pushed herself up to sit up. Even it it made her dizzy and want to throw up more. She eyed the food on the plate and reluctantly picked up a fork and stabbed the food. Warily Lyss brought it to her mouth and swallowed making a face but got it down.

"Thank you Lyss," Christina said kissing her forehead. Lyss looked up at her with tired eyes and continued choking down the rest of the food on her plate in silence. Outside everyone watched in amazement. She ate, but they knew it was only the beginning. She wasn't over Chase yet, and she had a lot more fighting to go if she was going to beat the cancer.

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_One week later........._

Lyss felt terrible. She was finished the chemo but every bone in her body ached. She just wanted to curl up in bed and die, or at least try and feel better. But of course, her family made that pretty much impossible. I guess that is what you get when your family is a bunch of surgeons.

Slowly she was getting better, but the better she felt, the more she missed Chase. The more it hurt. The more she needed him. The last time, he distracted her from the pain. Now she had to endure all of it. Every thought she had revolved around Chase. Lyss tried to fall back asleep but everytime she closed her eyes she saw Chase. Plus, she knew she had a bone scan today and was going to be woken up sometime soon anyway.

So Lyss just sat there. Tried to forget the pain, tried to forget the fact that Chase wasn't there, tried to forget the fact that she had cancer. It was almost unbearable to think that she could die. Everyone including her parents thinks that she wants to die. What Lyss really wants is for it to be over. It would be great to be with Chase again, but she would miss her parents too much, everyone would miss her too much. She couldn't put them through the pain that she was going through right now with Chase.

Lyss didn't know how long she was laying there until her Mom, Aunt Callie, and Aunt izzie walked in. But she could remember not even realizing they were in the room. The next thing she knew they were wheeling her down the hallway. Lyss was in a fog, it felt like everything was going in slow motion. She closed her eyes briefly.

When she opened them again she could believe her eyes. Standing in the hallway, right next to her mother, was Chase. Slowly they passed him and that's when Lyss started to freak out. She gasped and gulped, her heart beating quickly.

"Lyss," Meredith said as Callie stopped wheeling the wheelchair. "Lyss baby, calm down." Lyss was hyperventilating and wasn't able to breathe. Lyss blinked once, Chase smiled, and then he was gone.

"What, he was.... I thought, I am....... I.... I....." she started sobbing uncontrollably.

"Lyss," Mere said holding onto her daughter tightly. "Lyss, Shhh baby it's okay. Shhh."

"But he was........" Lyss stuttered.

"What Lyss?" Izzie asked.

"I.... I am not sure....." she said the tears still freely falling down her face. The next thing Lyss remembered was being in her room. Her mother and father by her side. Slowly Lyss closed her eyes and Meredith continued to stroke her face. When they believed she was asleep, she heard them begin to talk.

"Mere, what happened?" Derek asked.

"I don't know. She just started freaking out. It scared the hell out of me Derek," Meredith said. "It's like she is slipping away."

"What do you think is wrong?" he asked.

"I don't know. I just want my little girl to be out of pain," she said sadly.

"Meredith," he said trying to calm her as Lyss figured she was crying. "Meredith, go home with the kids. I will stay here tonight."

"Okay," she said quietly. She stood up. Stroked Lyss's face one more time. Bent down, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Goodnight sweetheart. I love you." It didn't take Lyss long to fall asleep again. As soon as that happened Lyss regretted it.

_Lyss was walking in a field, she didn't know where she was. She didn't know how long she was walking for. Soon she started running, but all of a sudden she tripped. When Lyss turned around she noticed a large rock sticking out of the ground. When Lyss inched closer she realized it was not a rock, but a headstone. On it, it read...._

_"In loving memory of..." Lyss read aloud but gasped. "Chase Wesley Marshall."_

Lyss's eyes shot open, her breathing labored. Her dad was asleep in the corner. Outside there was a storm. Lyss heard something at the door and cautiously looked over. In between flashes of lightning a figure appeared. Lyss let out a gasp and blinked, the figure was no longer there. Soon another flash of lightning came and instead of at the door, a figure appeared at her bed side. Now she could tell it was Chase.

Lyss let out a shrill scream as the figure disappeared. Derek jolted awake and hopped up, rushing to her side. Nurses flooded her room and turned on the lights to fight Lyss curled up in bed sobbing. Derek rushes over and holds her tightly.

"Daddy," she cried.

"Shhh baby," he said softly nodding his head for the nurses to leave. "It's all right. I am right here." Lyss continued to shake in his arms.

"Daddy, I... I..."

"You what baby?" Derek said still holding her and rocked her back and forth. Lyss never answered. She just shook her head and dug it into his chest muffling her sobs.

"Shhh, Shhh. it will be alright," he said.

"I love you," she whispered as he continued to rock her and she fell asleep safe in his arms.

"I love you too baby," he said as Lyss finally drifted off.

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Kelsey was sitting at home. She heard her mother cry herself to sleep last night. She just wanted it all to end. She wanted her family to be back to normal. She was only 9 years old and had to think about the chance of losing her older sister forever. The older sister she constantly tortured, constantly got in trouble. Even if Lyss forgave her all those months ago she had to think of something to help Lyss because she still felt guilty.

Kels knew that the cancer was destroying her family. That everyone's thoughts always revolved around Lyss or cancer. She was okay with that, she understood, everyone did, even Noah.

Her siblings and herself heard about what had happened to Lyss yesterday. They all felt so bad. She was so distressed and no one could help her. Kels was snapped out of her thought when something nuzzled her hand. She looked down and saw Hershey sitting there. That when she got an idea.

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Meredith had gone to the hospital early the next day. When she got there, she was just more depressed.

"She freaked out again last night," Izzie told her.

"My poor baby. What's wrong with her?" Meredith asked tearing up looking in on her daughter who was still curled up in Derek's arms. Both were sound asleep.

"None of us know Mere," Izzie answered. "Christina seemed to be the only on to get through to her so far. We have all tried everything. Christina wasn't even able to get her talk this time."

"Kels had an idea, but I don't know," Mere said.

"What?" Izzie asked.

"Maybe, if we were allowed, we could bring Hershey in to see her. I know Lyss would be happy about that. That dog always loved her and was always able to put a smile on her face."

"That's true, and I think we should do that but I think..."

"That's it's something deeper, yeah me too."

"We have a therapist...."

"Dr. Hoffman, yeah me and Der were discussing it. Do you think...."

"It will do more good then harm."

"Yeah, I guess," Mere said sadly walking away.

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When Lyss woke up she expected to still be in Derek's arms. She was surprised that she was alone. The entire night her dreams were filled with Chase. He would just appear and disappear in darkness. She missed him so much. When the door opened she was shocked when a woman she didn't know walked in.

"Who are you?" she asked warily.

"I am Dr. Hoffman," the woman answered. "I am a therapist."

"I am not a crazy psycho," Lyss stated. "I just have cancer. Why are you here?"

"Alyssa, your parents and the rest of your family are worried about you."

"Why? I am eating, I am trying to get better, it's just hard."

"Why is it hard?" Dr. Hoffman asked taking a seat next to Lyss's bed. "Alyssa, you woke up last night screaming and in the hall....."

"That's nothing," Lyss said quickly emotion thick in her voice.

"It doesn't sound like nothing," Dr. Hoffman persisted.

"It is," Lyss said firmly tears springing to her eyes.

"You can tell me anything Alyssa."

"I miss him," she said quietly.

"Who?"

"Chase," Lyss sobbed.

"What about Chase?" Dr. Hoffman asked. Meredith and Derek had told her all about him.

"I've been seeing him," Lyss said quietly.

"What, what do you mean?"

"In the hallway yesterday, I saw him. And last night, he was at my door, and then my bedside where he always used to stand. And then in my dreams, his grave and, he would be there one second and disappear. And.... and it's scaring me so much." Dr. Hoffman realized it was much more serious.

"Is there any reason that you think you are missing him more now then before?" she asked trying to keep professional composure.

"Last time I was finished induction," Lyss started quietly. "He was there with me, he distracted me from all the pain, he understood what I was going through. Now it feels like I am on my own. feeling every pain."

"You have your family though Alyssa."

"I know, it's just. I know they are all doctors and they are all on my side, it's just, they don't know first hand what it feels like. They chemo burning through your veins. The side effects, the pain. Everything I have to endure everyday. They know from people telling them, but they don't know what it feels like. Chase did. And now he is gone."

"I understand," she said grabbing Lyss's hand.

"Sometimes, I think it would be easier just to let go. Stop treatment, let myself die but...."

"So you will take the easy way out," Dr. Hoffman said accusingly.

"No, it's just. I would feel better again. I would be with Chase again."

"Okay well fine. Give up. Then everything you have done, all the fighting would be for nothing. Do you think Chase would want that? All that pain for nothing. Chase would have died for nothing." Lyss was surprised at her words and the harshness in her voice.

"That's not true," Lyss said tearing up.

"And what about your parents, your siblings, everyone who cares about you?"

"I don't know?" Lyss cried. Dr. Hoffman got what she wanted. Carefully she bent down and held Lyss as she cried. "I don't want to go. I want to fight, I want to stay with my family. I do, I really do. But...."

"No buts, whatever happens, happens for a reason. But if you do go, don't you want to give it your best fight?"

"I guess so."

"I know so."

"Do you think I can beat it?"

"The better question is do you think you can beat the cancer?"

"I.... I.... I think so. it's just, it's kind of taken over my life."

"Well don't let it. Live your life to the fullest as if everyday will be your last. Make your mark on the world."

"You know what.... I will."

"That a girl."

"Thank you, so much."

"I didn't do anything."

"You sound just like my Aunt Kathleen." That was when Meredith and Derek opened the door.

"Hey Lyss," Mere said.

"Hey Mommy," she said smiling slightly.

"I think I am going to leave now," Dr. Hoffman said. "Goodbye Alyssa. I will come see you at another time."

"Goodbye Dr. Hoffman."

"Lyss," Derek said. "We have a little visitor." He opened the door all the way and a large brown dog leapt into the room and hopped up onto Lyss's bed.

"Hershey," Lyss said in delight as the dog covered her face if wet kisses. "Boy did I miss you." She started to laugh and pet the dog as she waved her tail excitedly. Hershey always did understand her. While she was playing with the dog she overheard her parents talking.

"I told you it would work," Meredith said.

"I don't think that it is only the dog though," Derek protested.

"She does look a little happier," Meredith observed. And she was right, Lyss finally found a person to talk to who understood and listened.

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Ali was sitting at home watching TV. She wanted to hang out with her friends, but she wanted to hang out with all of her friends, and that included Lyss. That's when she overheard her mother talking with her father.

"Alex," she heard Izzie say. "I am still worried about Lyss."

"Why?" he asked. "She is eating, and finally talking, that shrink really helped."

"Yes, she is eating but barely. She is talking but barely. And the shrink helped her with one problem, not them all."

"I know. Like we have Ali and Dylan but she is kind of like a daughter to me."

"Uh, I delivered her. You know, emergency premie baby. She was a little fighter back then, who knew that she would pick now to start to give up."

"Do you really think she is giving up Iz?" Alex asked.

"I don't know Alex, I really don't know. But I am afraid for Ali, and all the other girls. It was kind of like Lyss kept them together."

"But what about when they were fighting, or now?"

"They were all fighting with Lyss, so she was still apart of it. And now they are brought together by her cancer." That was when Ali decided to step into the kitchen.

"Mom, Dad," she said walking in.

"Ali," Izzie said standing up.

"What is it honey?" Alex asked.

"I have an idea," she said.

"For what?" Izzie asked.

"For Lyss. To help her feel better," Ali said. "Let all of us visit her and we can like watch movies or something."

"I don't know sweetie," Izzie said cautiously.

"Come on please. We can ask Aunt meredith and Uncle Derek. Of course it is Uncle Richard and Aunt Miranda I am most worried about but anyway.... I want the old Lyss back as much as you do."

"I know you do sweetie," Alex said.

"So, what do you think?" Ali asked.

"Well, I.... I guess we could try," Izzie said.

"Great, I will call the girls," Ali said excitedly. Before she did that izzie and Alex cleared it with Richard, Meredith, and Derek. Meanwhile Ali was calling Nikki.

"Hey Nik," she said into the phone.

"Hey Al," she said.

"Help me call all the girls, I found out a way to help Lyss," Ali said.

"Okay," Nikki said starting to dial the other girls' numbers. Soon Ali, Nikki, Ava, Hannah, Brittany, Becca, and Melissa were all on one line.

"So Al, what is this about," Becca asked. A chorus of yeah's echoed from the other girls.

"Well I am not sure heard about Lyss but she hasn't been eating and is really depressed...." Ali started.

"I'd say she is depressed," Melissa said. "Her boyfriend died."

"Yes we know. But I just got my Uncle Richard, Aunt Meredith, and uncle Derek to let us spend some real time with her," Ali told them.

"What do you mean Al?" Ava asked.

"Just meet me at the hospital at 12:00 tomorrow, bring movies and snacks," Ali answered.

"You serious Al," Brittany said surprised. They all knew what she was planning. They used to do that at sleepovers.

"Yes Britt. Why would I lie about this?" Ali said laughing at Brittany's cocky tone.

"This is just great!" Melissa said. "See you all tomorrow."

"Bye," all the girls said almost in unison and hung up. Ali was actually excited for tomorrow. What better way to spend a Saturday then cheering up one of her best friends? The next day came fast as Ali got together a bunch of movies and junk food. Maybe Lyss would want to eat this. Her Dad drove her over to the hospital at her shift and she waited for the girls to arrive. When they did they walked up to Lyss's room where they found ehr asleep and Meredith and Derek standing outside.

"Thank you guys for trying," Meredith said. "Lyss needs her friends now."

"That's what we are here for Aunt Meredith," Ali said smiling. Meredith smiled back and gave her a big hug.

"She should wake up soon, why don't you girls get in there," Derek said.

"Okay," they all said and walked into the room. Easily they took places on her bed and in chairs next to her bed. Immediately they opened the bags of junk food and began talking quietly. Lyss let out a groan and opened her eyes warily.

"It's about time," Ali joked. "See, I knew that she would want to eat if it was this food."

"Guys, what are you doing here?" Lyss asked groggily sitting up.

"What do you think," Nikki said. "we are going to sit here, watch movies, and gorge ourselves." Ava held up a bag of chips and smiled. Lyss groaned.

"So your not happy to see us?" Melissa said feigning hurt.

"Shut up, I am tired," Lyss said.

"You are always tired. It's time to live your life babe," Becca said. Lyss laughed.

"Nice one Becks," Lyss said. She looked at her friends and sighed. They looked at her back and smiled. A second later she grabbed the bag of oreos that were still sitting in one of the bags.

"And the party begins," Britt rejoiced. Ali looked at everyone. She couldn't help but remember their first play they did in the children drama camp. She remembered her and Lyss staying up all night before studying their lines, and they were only eight.

_Lyss and Ali were sitting on Lyss's bed. Papers were scattered all over along with food and highlighters._

_"Okay, start again," Lyss said._

_"Even with a dozen, I don't think dad was happy...." Ali started._

_"No, it's not happy, it's satisfied," Lyss said._

_"Fine then you do it," Ali said grabbing the lines._

_"Even with a dozen, I don't think Dad was satisfied. I remember him looking us over, and then saying to mother. Never mind dear, you did the best you could..."_

_"Ugh, why can't we just admit that you will get a part and I will be an understudy," Ali sighed. _

_"Not if I have anything to do with it.... again," Lyss said as Ali groaned. The next day the auditioned and on Monday the cast lists were up by the end of camp._

_"Lyss, I don't wanna see, I probably didn't even get a part, I am probably stage crew," Ali said._

_"One, they don't let eight year olds be on stage crew, and two, you got a part, I bet ya."_

_"Yeah right, just look for you first," Ali groaned. Lyss looked at the list._

_"Yes, Ali I got Martha!" Lyss rejoiced._

_"That's great Lyss," she said hugging her friend. "Just look for me, I don't want to see."_

_"Okay," she said looking at the list. Her eyes lit up. "Ali look." Lyss pointed to the list. Reluctantly Ali turned around. Her eyes widened._

_"Is that..." Ali stuttered._

_"Yes Ali, your Jackie, you got a part!" Lyss said happily. Ali squealed and jumped around hugging Lyss._

_"I told you," Lyss said._

_"Thanks," Ali said before she heard her Mom beep the car horn and the two girls ran over to the car and share the good news._

How much did Ali want the old Lyss back. Hopefully, today would make them one step closer.

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When Melissa had walked into the room, she was shocked. They lived pretty far away from the hospital so she wasn't able to visit Lyss often. But the girl in the bed wasn't Lyss. Well at least until all the girls showed up, got her eating, and put a movie in.

"Mel," Ava said. Melissa was so happy that she fit into the group easily. They gave everyone a nickname. Becca was Becks, Brittany was obviously Britt, Ava was Av, Ali was Al, Nicole was Nikki or Nike on the field hockey field, Hannah was Han, Lyss, well Lyss was Lyss to everyone, and now she was Mel. "Pass me the chips."

"Catch," she said tossing them.

"First movie?" Ali said.

"I say it's sleep," Lyss said closing her eyes and attempting to put her head on the pillow.

"Oh now you don't," Nikki said. She grabbed her arm and heaved her up.

"This is a hospital," Lyss reminded them.

"And don't think Ali, your Mom, your Dad, and many of your Aunt's and Uncle's told us that you said that maybe.... 20 times during Christmas and ended up enjoying yourself," Becca countered.

"When did you get so smart Becks," Lyss said.

"Shut Up," she said throwing the pillow at her. The girls started to laugh.

"Fine, start with......." Lyss began.

"A Time For Dancing," Melissa answered.

"Nice one Mel," Becca joked.

"I agree," Lyss said grabbing a handful of chips. "Oh yeah, and by the way, make sure the bathroom door is open so if I have to...."

"Don't you have the bin?" Ava questioned.

"It's kind of gross... and I feel bad for the nurses who have to clean it out," Lyss told them.

"Say no more Lyss," Britt said hopping off the bed and running to the bathroom to close it. When she came back Lyss laughed. "What?"

"No you just need to move that fast on the field hockey field."

"Shut Up," Britt laughed.

"Well, what about that outfit," Nikki scoffed. "You do realize we are in a hospital." Britt's hair had curls flowing down her back and landing lightly on her shoulders. She had probably one of the nicest outfit's she owned and most expensive on, and a Coach bag sat in the corner. It was probably stuffed with sunglasses, make-up, and who knows what else. Everyone believes she doesn't even know what all in there.

"What's wrong with looking beautiful," she said pushing her hair back with a perfectly manicured hand. Lyss rolled her eyes.

"Can someone put the movie in please, because it's kind of almost impossible for me," Lyss joked holding up the IV.

"Okay," Melissa said grabbing the DVD. It was almost like they forgot what it was about because as soon as they put it in Lyss started to cry softly. Watching the dancers, watching the family coming together, watching another girl go through cancer even though it wasn't real. By the end when Jules died, everyone was in tears and they turned the movie off immediately after it was over. Melissa couldn't help but think of the first company class they were in. A Pearls was the company name. They were the youngest girls in the class but sadly, two of the best. Everyone else was at least a year older while they were only eight.

_"Okay girls," their teacher Miss Tara said. "Line it up." All the girls shuffled into place. She walked over to the stereo and the music brought the dance to life. In Melissa's head she was counting, '1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8' over and over again. She looked over at Lyss. he was completely concentrated in the dance. Hitting every move perfectly. _

_When they got to the difficult combination everyone was able to do a perfect line change but then almost everyone froze. They forgot how to do it, and the girls who did do it, did it wrong. Except for Lyss, she was in the front, she did it perfectly._

_"Girls, who practiced?" Miss tara asked as she turned the music off. Only Lyss raised her hand. "Then that explains it, now this is how..." She began explaining it over and over and over again. Soon everyone but Melissa had it. Sadly after class was over Melissa stormed out._

_"Melissa, wait up," she heard Lyss call._

_"I should just quit, I can't do it," Melissa said._

_"Come with me," Lyss said dragging her to the car. They were home twenty minutes later and Lyss brought her down to the basement. Lyss turned on the music and got it to the place in the dance._

_"We'll go slow," Lyss said. "Okay. Behind side front, behind side front. Kick, kick, shimmy....." She continued to explain it. Slowly they got faster and faster and....._

_"Melissa, you did it, it was perfect!" Lyss rejoiced._

_"Thanks Lyss, you're the best," Melissa said._

_"Tell me something don't know," Lyss joked. Melissa nudged her and they collapsed in the floor laughing. She was the best. Watching her dance it was like a privilege._

Melissa couldn't believe that she may never get to see Lyss dance again. Watching that movie made her realize it, made everyone realize it.

"I... I...." Lyss stuttered and started to sob.

"Lyss," they all said shocked. Slowly they surrounded her.

"I.... I.... I don't want to be like Jules," she sobbed.

"Oh Lyss," Melissa said hugging her.

"I don't want to have cancer anymore," she continued to cry.

"We know," Nikki said.

"Why can't it just end," she sobbed.

"Lyss, just don't give up yet," Hannah said.

"Yeah, we are all by your side," Britt added.

"Think about how many times, you helped all of us," Hannah added in.

"Think about how many things we probably would have given up on without you," Becca said.

"You were there for us, now it's time for us to be there for you," Ava told her.

"All of us," Melissa said to her friend.

"Plus, we all know you will follow in your parents footsteps someday and become an amazing surgeon," Ali said smiling.

"Yeah," the rest of them said in unison.

"You're not alone," Becca said.

"Thanks guys, I don't know what I would do you out you," Lyss sniffled and wiped away her tears.

"That's why you love us," Britt said. They all laughed.

"Let's watch another movie," Ava said.

"Sure," Lyss said as the girls settled down on her bed once again in a much better mood.

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That damn movie, it had to ruin the good mood. Hannah was so mad, why did her friend have to go through so much pain? But I guess the movie made everyone realize something, that they couldn't live without Lyss. She remembered when she had broken her leg in field hockey, Lyss was there for her.

_They were in the middle of a field hockey scrimmage for their travel team. Unfortunately Lyss was on the other team meaning that Hannah's team would probably lose. Hannah was running and didn't even realize until it was too late that as she was running towards the play, the ball was speeding towards her. Painfully it hit her leg and Hannah gasped. No one realized she was hurt because the play bounced over to the other side of the field. That was, everyone but Lyss. She looked over to where Hannah had fallen to the ground._

_"COACH!" she called. "Hannah's hurt!" lyss bent down beside her._

_"Hannah what happened?" she asked._

_"My leg," she cried out. Lyss rode with her Mom to the hospital, distracted her while her Aunt Callie put a cast on, and was the first one to sign it when it was finished. What would she do without her?_

That got Hannah to think, what would all of them do without Lyss?

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They were all still laying on Lyss's bed. They had gotten her easily cheered up by putting in RENT. Lyss's absolute favorite movie. Becca looked over at her friend. She looked happy again, but there was still a guarded look in her eyes. But right now it didn't matter, they were all together, they were all happy, everything was the way it should be. But would thing's ever return to normal.

Becca remembered in 6th grade when she and Lyss crammed for a test, well she crammed for the test. if she failed, she would have to repeat 6th grade and all her friends would continue to middle school without her.

_"Come on Becca, if 5y= y+40, what does y equal?" Lyss repeated._

_"I don't know," Becca said. "let's face it, I am going to repeat 6th grade."_

_"You know this Becks I know it, now what is the first step," Lyss asked._

_"Get the y's on the same side of the equation?" Becca questioned._

_"Yes, so...."_

_"Add y?" Lyss shook her head. "Subtract y?" Lyss nodded._

_"So then....."_

_"4y= 40?"_

_"Yes, then....."_

_"You divide each side by....."_

_"By....."_

_"Four?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"So y=......"_

_"Come on, becks....."_

_"y= 10?"_

_"Yes! See I knew yo_u knew it."

_"Thanks Lyss." The next day they took the test and on Tuesday they got it back. Lyss's was handed back first. Becca looked over her shoulder._

_"Of course you got an 100%," Becca said angrily._

_"I am sure....." The teacher handed Becca hers. Carefully she turned it over and Lyss looked back._

_"Becca, you got a B, you passed!" Lyss rejoiced._

_"I passed!" Becca said. "Thanks Lyss."_

Would she have to settle with only Hannah tutoring her now? Right now, looking at Lyss, finally happy, Becca didn't think so.

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Ava looked around the hospital room, how could Lyss live in here. She was in here for over a month, personally she wouldn't b able to handle it. Bu her best friend was strong, she could handle everything. Even teaching her how to play field hockey. Lyss had caught on right away but Ava found it the most hard out of all the girls.

_"Lyss, I don't get it, how do you drive?" Ava asked for the fifth time._

_"You line the ball up with your foot, and swing," Lyss repeated showing her the motion. Again Ava tried but missed the ball._

_"You go to hit the ball Av," Lyss joked. Ava let out a frustrated scream and threw the stick down._

_"I will never get it!"_

_"Yes you will, try looking at the ball, make sure you hit it, and go a stick length away from it." Ava concentrated, lined up, and swung at the ball. She hit it, but it only went a few feet._

_"Good," Lyss said. "Now all we have to do is get it to go further, like this." Lyss swung at the fall and it went several yards away._

_"I will never be able to do that Lyss," Ava said her eyes widening._

_"Sure you can," Lyss said running over and getting the ball. "Again..." And sure enough by the end of the day, Ava could at least hit the ball half the length of the field._

Boy did she miss her friend. Maybe now it can all change.

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Britt was never one to run, get sweaty, or do anything like that, even at the age of 8, but Lyss had convinced her. Her friend was very convincing. And sitting in bed with her she looked how convincing Lyss was, and she actually believed she was getting better. She still remembers when Lyss helped her with all the things she was not good at... in general, it was running.

_"Bye Mom, me and Britt are going out," Lyss called and shut the door. "Okay, now follow me." Lyss started running, water bottle in hand. Britt groaned. "Do you want to get better or not?"_

_"Fine," she said and slowly followed her._

_"So, what you have to dois breath slowly, save your energy, and pump your arms."_

_"I do that."_

_"Not really well," Lyss said and five minutes later. "You are already out of breath."_

_"So, I am not a runner, I play defense."_

_"And what happens when you get beat and there is no one behind you?"_

_"UGH!" she groaned and picked up the pace._

_"You know I am right." Lyss smiled._

_"Shut Up," Britt grunted and looked forward. About ten minutes later as they were running through the park Britt stopped gasping for breath. "Break, now."_

_"Fine," Lyss said tossing the water bottle towards her after taking a drink. Britt collapsed on the ground._

_"You do know it is better to stay standing up," Lyss said._

_"Ugh, too bad."_

_"Well you are getting better, but we....." Britt glared at her and the too girls started laughing._

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Nikki was never a happy person. Her parents were divorced, she had a pretty crappy life. That's why she needed her friends. But now the table's have turned and one of her friends needs her. She still remember the night her father stormed out and left her and her mother, and then her mother left hysterical. If it wasn't for Lyss or Mrs. Shepherd, she probably wouldn't have been able to get through the divorce.

_"I DON'T NEED THIS ANYMORE!" Nikki heard her father scream._

_"But Michel..." her mother said. "We can work this out...."_

_"YOU'RE JUST AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH! AND SO IS YOUR DAUGHTER!"_

_"She's your daughter too!"_

_"YOUR SUCH A WHORE SHE PROBABLY ISN'T! I AM LEAVING!" Nikki heard the door slam and her mother sob._

_"Mom," she called down the stairs. That's when she heard the door open and close again. She was alone. She needed someone. The first person she thought of was Lyss._

_"Hello, Shepherd residence," she heard Mrs. Shepherd say into the phone._

_"Mrs. Shepherd," she cried. "Is Lyss there?"_

_"Yes she is, Nikki what is wrong?"_

_"I just need to talk to Lyss," she sobbed. She heard Mrs, Shepherd call Lyss downstairs._

_"Nikki what's wrong?" she asked._

_"My Dad left us, my Mom isn't here. I am all alone!" Nikki cried._

_"Oh Nik," Lyss said._

_"I am scared," she cried._

_"Me and my Mom are coming over," Lyss said._

_"You don't...."_

_"See you soon," she said. Five minutes later they were ringing the doorbell. When she didn't answer the two of them opened the door._

_"Nikki!" Lyss called. She heard her crying and Mrs. Shepherd and Lyss came up to her room._

_"Oh Nikki," Mrs. Shepherd said and hugged her tightly as she sobbed. Lyss stood beside her comfortingly._

_"Come on," Mrs. Shepherd said finally. "Your coming to our house." Nikki nodded and soon they were in Lyss's bed._

_"Goodnight girls," Mrs. Shepherd said softly and kissed both of them on the head. When she left she started sobbing hugged her tightly until they both fell asleep._

Lyss needed her this time, and Nikki was sure to be there for her.

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Derek looked in on Lyss and her friends. They were laughing, enjoying themselves, and Lyss was eating. She was feeling better, it was clear. He hoped it would stay that way though. And if it did, Derek believes that the cancer will have a complete turn around. Maybe they haven't lost all hope.

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The moment you have all been waiting for........ the reason Chase was put into the story. I seriously don't know why you want to know, I promise that almost half of you who read the next chapter will cry and then be mad at me. But of course, as I have been saying from the beginning, it will all work out eventually. And if you don't like what is happening just please stick with me a little longer. It's going to be great I promise.

I would really like to have at least 9 reviews for this chapter please.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	61. Chapter 61: Hope

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

** I really don't want to give that much away. But I will say this.... it's sad. But it doesn't start out that way. Lyss had been slowly getting better, and not feeling crappy. It's not the same feelings as it was during Christmas or when Chase was around, but it's an improvement. Is that what is really happening though?**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She helped me a lot with this chapter.)**

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_**Three weeks later.......**_

**Lyss looked out the window. It was raining. Boy did she love the rain. How it felt on her skin, the way it felt like it washed all the pain away. But it was strange because three weeks ago, she probably needed that, but now. She felt great, well not great, but better. She was still extremely tired because she still had radiation. She still threw up a lot. But now she felt like she was actually getting better. Maybe it was because Lyss felt that now she actually had a chance. A chance to beat it, a chance to be healthy, a chance to be Lyss again.**

**The past three weeks have been difficult. She still hasn't gained any weight, she still had a lack of nutrition, and every bone in her body still hurt. But Lyss didn't really care. At least not now. The pain was different now. Like when she concentrated on the chemo and what it was doing, it hurt less. She still wishes she could give up, but this is the best she has felt since Chase died. That means she is getting better...... right?**

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**Meredith was so happy. Her daughter was talking, eating, acting like she was before everything that happened the past mont. Induction. Chase's death. Depression. It was still evident that Lyss was definitely still in pain.... but now, everyone had hope. Today, it was the moment of truth. They were giving Lyss her final scans, final blood work for the induction and hope she achieved remission. Everyone believed she did.**

**Plus lab had a lot of work to do because everyone in her family except for Noah, Kelsey, and Jake, got their blood tested to see if their marrow was a match for Lyss's. They were family. Also Izzie, Alex, Christina, Owen, George, Lexie, Miranda, Richard, and a few other doctors did it as well. One of them had to be a match..... right?**

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**Izzie was so excited, but scared too. Lyss was getting tested today. It almost took all of her energy to not take her down earlier then her scheduled times. But when it was time, it was like almost a crowd outside of Lyss's door. Luckily Miranda was there to clear everyone besides Meredith, Derek, and the rest of her doctors.**

**"Hey Lyss," Izzie said walking into her room with a smile.**

**"Hi," Lyss said happily, she gave a weak smile, which was all she could still muster. It was obvious she was in a better mood then the way she was feeling. It was also obvious Lyss didn't care. Like everyone she was pretty sure she gained remission no matter how bad she felt. And Izzie knew that since they had also given her chemo twice this week and radiation every other day, she wouldn't feel good at all. The only reason he probably isn't asleep at the moment is because of all the adrenaline.**

**"This is the big day," Callie said.**

**"Yeah," Lyss said smiling. Slowly they helped her into a wheelchair where she winced. Yes, she was definitely still in a lot of pain no matter how hard she tried to hide it. Mere bent down a gave her a kiss on the forehead while they started to push the wheelchair to an examination room where they would take her blood and other routine things Lyss endured once a week. Now they weren't so bad.**

**"Okay Lyss, we are going to give you a sedative for...." Izzie began.**

**"Aunt Izzie," Lyss laughed slightly. "I know."**

**"I forgot you had to have this done every week," Izzie said.**

**"Well then hopefully this is the last," Lyss said giving her a weak smile. Slowly the sedative took effect her eyes dropping and they put her into the machine.**

**"Iz," Meredith said. "Do you really think that she could... finally be in remission."**

**"I am not sure, she still seems so tired. But there is.... definitely something about her that reminds me of the old Lyss." How badly she wanted to just say yes. How much she believed that the answer was yes.**

**"I agree," Meredith said. "God, I.... I still can't believe all this happened to our family. So much changed in the past year."**

**"I know," Derek said hugging Mere tightly. "Maybe it is all over."**

**"Maybe," Mere whispered closing her eyes. Izzie hoped that it would be true. They had a few interns run the labs down and they waited for the image to appear on the screen. She just kept looking at Lyss. Could she really be in remission. She has been thinking about it all day, all week. But somehow, until this moment, she didn't think it was actually possible.**

**Yes Lyss was tired, yes she went through so much. But the fact that she is still here with them gives Izzie hope. She has to factor in that the cancer was chemo-resistant, stage four, and she has been having both chemo and radiation for the past month. She heard her pager beep. Izzie looked down. It was lab. She had to do it herself. Izzie sprinted down and got the papers.**

**"Here you go Dr. Karev," someone said. But Izzie didn't even hear. She was just staring at the stack of papers. She wasn't surprised when she turned around to see another gathering of people.**

**"Izzie are you going to open it?" Alex said. It was quickly echoed.**

**"I want to see the bone scan first," she said trying to stay calm while walking back down to x-ray. Meredith and Derek were still waiting outside. When they saw the papers they stood up anxiously. This was the moment of truth. First she looked at the bone scan because no matter what it would still probably look cancerous, it was the least reliable. Her eyes widened when she saw what was on the screen. She turned around to face everyone.**

**There faces were anxious, Meredith and Derek looked on the verge of tears for any outcome. Christina looked as if she didn't care but was tapping her foot impatiently. Even Miranda and Callie looked excited.**

**Immediately her eyes looked back down to the labs. She quickly opened the envelope and tore the papers out of it. Her eyes skimmed the page and she stifled a gasp. She looked through all of the papers quickly. She had to check twice, she still couldn't believe it.**

**"Iz, what are the results?" Meredith asked. Izzie didn't look at them at first, but to Lyss who nurses were getting out of a machine and onto a gurney. They watched as she was rolled by.**

**"Iz," Alex repeated.**

**Izzie took a deep breath and looked up.....**

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**DUN... DUN... DUN...... Aren't I evil. Oh I am sorry that I lied, the reason Chase is in the story is next chapter.**

**I would really like to have at least 6 reviews for this chapter please. Only like one person reviewed my last chapter. Please hang on, it will get good, and sad, but sometimes sad can be good.**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	62. Chapter 62: Aware

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**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)**

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I really don't want to give that much away. Sorry I left you hanging there. I will say that this chapter will be sad and heartbreaking as well. But of course I won't tell you why, you have to read it to find out :)

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Lyss woke up as the sedative slowly wore off. Why was she alone? She was finding out if she was in remission or not.... right? But where was everyone? Where was everyone to tell her the good news? It had to be good news right? She felt a lot better, it had to be good news.

"I feel so lost," she muttered. Just like she did the day she found out she had cancer, she was alone, scared, anticipating.

"I did what you all wanted," Lyss said aloud. "I fought, hard. I have to be okay. Maybe, maybe they are all just celebrating right now? Maybe they don't know that I am awake. Yes, that's it. I must have only been finished the tests for not even an hour. Or maybe lab didn't even get the results back yet. They are all just waiting to come here and tell me the good news. That i can live my life again. I fought, I feel better. Now all I have to do is hear it. Even if I am not in remission, a bone marrow transplant could put me in remission."

She was confident in everything she said, but Lyss was scared. Terrified. And the longer she waited, the more anxious she got. The more scenarios she had to put into her head to stop herself from worrying. But Lyss still believed she was in remission. Even if her body ached, even if she had to throw up, even if she weighed less then she did when she was 9 years old, she still thought she was in remission. Lyss didn't know how long she was laying there until she fell asleep.

_Lyss was walking in a field, it was the same field she was in before when she saw Chase's grave stone. She began running, but was checking the ground, she didn't want to see it again. She didn't want to have to go through the pain again. She was starting to get over him, he was only puppy love, something that didn't really mean anything. That is at least what Dr. Hoffman had helped her come to realize._

_That is when she tripped again. Slowly and warily she turned around. It again was a headstone. But it wasn't Chase's. It read......._

Lyss woke with a start as she heard her door creaking open. Immediately her eyes shot open and they traveled to the door. It was everyone. Her parents first. In her father's hand, clutched to his body desperately, were a stack of papers. The lab results. She didn't even look at her faces, that was all she could see. Lyss stared at them for the longest time, and it wasn't until Izzie spoke up that she looked up.

"Lyss," she choked out. Lyss's eyes shot up. There were tears, tears in their eyes. Still running down their faces. Everyone's faces. She knew what it meant. Their eyes weren't happy, full of hope, they were aware, scared.

"No, no, no," Lyss whispered, pressing her back to the bed.

"Lyss, I am sorry," Miranda said calmly, well at least she tried to stay calm.

"No, no it's a mistake," Lyss cried, shaking her head vigorously.

"Lyss I'm sorry, we checked and ran them twice," Izzie sighed.

"You have to say it," Lyss said. "You have to say it. I won't believe it until you say it. You have to." Meredith and Derek made there way over to her bed. Derek took her hand gently and Meredith stroked her face once.

"Your not in remission baby," Mere said sadly. It was like all the energy, all the fight left in Lyss just drained out of her body. Lyss closed her eyes tightly, a single tears ran down her face. Meredith wiped it away.

"Wha- what about a bone marrow transplant," Lyss said. She looked up at everyone again. They were all in her room. Izzie, Miranda, Alex, Callie, George, Lexie, Richard, Christina, Owen, and Mark. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige were even in the corner.

"Lyss," Miranda said. She held her hand up for her to stop. She didn't want to say it, Lyss didn't want to hear it.

"Just like Chase," she whispered under her breath. No one heard her, but they all knew what she was thinking.

"We- we would like to talk to you about other treatment options," Callie began. "There are many clinical trials....." That was the word, the last word she heard. Everything else, she couldn't hear, she didn't want to hear. That was how Chase died. In the hospital, still hooked up to machines. Trapped. It was like all the work Dr. Hoffman and her put forward to get her to forget about Chase was lost. Everything was referenced to Chase. But that wasn't the only reason for what she was about to say.

That was when she realized everyone was staring at her waiting for her response. Meredith put her hand on her shoulder and Lyss just looked at it. Then she looked up at her parents, then finally everyone else. Tears were spilling down her face.

"No," she said quietly.

"What?" Alex asked,

"No," Lyss said more forcefully. Everyone's eyes widened.

"Lyss they can save your life," Miranda told her.

"Like a clinical trial saved Chase's," Lyss retorted bitterly.

"But they can extend your time here with us too," Meredith cried.

"But is that what I want?" Lyss said.

"Lyss," Derek gasped.

"No, wait," she said tearfully. "Look at me, just look at me. Do I look like the Alyssa Shepherd you all knew. The one who used to dance, act, play field hockey, everything I did. No, it doesn't does it. I may be her, but it doesn't feel like it. The only reason I was feeling better was because I thought that I had hope. I thought I was in remission..."

"Lyss you can't..." Izzie protested. Lyss held her hand up, but Derek interrupted.

"You are not of age Alyssa," he boomed, Lyss flinched. Lyss knew he was just really upset. He had a right to.

"Daddy," she sighed.

"I will not let you kill yourself," he hissed. "You are resuming treatment."

"Derek," Mere murmured.

"You aren't listening to me Daddy," Lyss told him.

"I'm not willing to," Derek growled.

"I have cancer, and it's not going away," Lyss yelled.

"But you can still treat it," Derek yelled.

"You don't know what it's like Daddy! No of you do!" she said. "Getting hooked up to the stupid IV... feeling the poison course through your body... not be able to move for three days after... When you do, then tell me what I should do..."

"What you are going to do is fight!" Derek commanded.

"Just look at me. I am so tired, so unbelievably tired. I have to fight every minute of every day just to breath!" she was screaming now, her vision almost blurred by the force of the tears that were pouring down her face. "I have been fighting for the past 5 and a half months for this. To be told that I am not in remission! TO BE TOLD I HAVE NO BONE MARROW DONOR!" She started shaking. "Why can't you understand that I want to go! I don't want to live like this. It hurts. It hurts, every time I move my body. Why put myself in more pain when I am just going to die anyway. Go to go away for ever, stop breathing! I don't want to die like Chase did!" Now she was gasping trying to catch her breath.

"Lyss," Izzie said now in tears again. "What happened with Chase, that was a freak accident. There is a very small chance that would happen to you."

"That's.... not... what I.... am talking about," Lyss cried between gasps. She looked at Derek, he was silent now, taking everything she said in with wide eyes.

"Then what...." Callie started.

"Dying in the hospital! Dying in here, trapped! I don't want that to happen to me! I want to try and live my life until the day I die. I just came a little sooner then I hoped. I want to spend my last days at my house, with my parents, with my brothers and sisters, with all of you. And not in here! You all know how much I hate hospitals. And yes, i know that it will probably be inevitable that I will die here anyway but i don't want to spend my last moments here. I don't want this to be my last memories before I go. To be in pain. Still hooked up to the stupid machines! To try and be saved when I don't want to be. I want to sleep in my bed, in my room, in MY HOUSE! Please, please don't condemn me to this," she cried motioning to the room around her. "And I know it's not my decision, I know it is your," Lyss said looking at her parents. "But if you want me to do a clinical trial, stay in the hospital, still get treatment, you will have to drag me in here kicking and screaming."

Lyss looked up at everyone. She was hyperventilating. She looked at her sisters, they were sobbing. She looked at her Aunt's and Uncle's, they were sobbing. Lyss looked at her parents. They were hysterical. She caught her parents eyes.

"So I am asking you," she said trying to calm down. "If you love me...." She turned to everyone else. "You would let me go, because it is what I want. It is what I need. Because, I don't want Noah seeing me like this, I don't want you all seeing me like this. I just want to go home. So please.... I am begging you.... let me go." She started to shake again. Tearfully she looked at her parents.

"Oh Lyss," Meredith sobbed and held onto her tightly. Lyss started to cry as well. Derek stood still for a moment until bending down and hugged Lyss and Meredith tightly his sobs coming out in gasps.

"It's okay," Meredith cried. "You can let go."

"Thank you Mommy," Lyss sobbed and closed her eyes comfortably in her parents arms. She couldn't believe that ten minutes ago she was happy, and believed she would live. Now it would take a miracle. Now Lyss was facing her death. And she was aware of that.

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DUN... DUN... DUN...... Please please please please don't kill me. It will all work out...... eventually. At least you know why I brought Chase into the story *sheepish grin*, again, I am sorry. I told you, I told you all you wouldn't really like the reason :)

A/N: This story didn't really go how I wanted it to but I am finally getting back on track. Slowly I am editing each chapter so I fixed the first and second already and I am working up from there. So please just stay with it. And it's not ending yet :)

Wow, I got like 15 reviews for the last chapter! Thank you so much! Can we go for 16? If you can great, but 10 will be fine too! And I know that a lot of you will be mad at me killing Lyss, well going to...........

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	63. Chapter 63: Together

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**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)******

Okay so Lyss is finally giving up. She is going to have an adorable moment with Mere this chapter but then Meredith and Derek talk about it. How will they handle losing their daughter? The next chapter's will be focused around this day. There will be parts with the siblings, Addie, New York/ Connecticut family, and her Seattle family, like their take on her very likely death.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for the ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Lyss had fallen asleep in Meredith's arms. She couldn't believe it, she was actually giving up. She looked up and caught Sophia's eyes. She was so desperate, so scared. She had to stay strong for them, help them deal with the pending death of their little sister. Everyone was still in the room.

"Uh...." Izzie stuttered the tears still running from her eyes. The tears were still running from everyone's eyes.

"Could we have a little time alone," Derek said quietly the tears still pouring from his eyes. Everyone eagerly shuffled out of the room to mourn on their own time. That was when Sophia came running over.

"No Daddy, she can't give up," she cried.

"Oh baby," he said hugging her tightly. Derek then outstretched his arms to hug Paige and Hayley as well. They were silent, scared as well.

"What are we gonna tell everyone Derek?" Meredith asked. She held onto

"I don't know Mere, I just don't know," he said solemnly holding onto his oldest daughter's. He turned to look at Lyss in Mere's arms. "My poor baby." Meredith spent all night with Lyss, holding her. She never woke up. Derek had finally gotten the girls to go home. Luckily they promised not to tell Jake, Kels, or Noah. Not yet. Reluctantly Derek returned to Lyss's room.

"Mere, what are we going to do?" he asked sorrowfully sitting down next to the bed.

"Everything we can," she whispered kissing Lyss lightly on her forehead.

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Lyss woke up confused, disoriented. She felt arms around her, she immediately knew it was Meredith. That's when the events of yesterday replayed in her mind. She wasn't in remission, she didn't have a marrow donor, and she was dying. Lyss saw Derek asleep next to her bed. Lyss sighed. She wasn't ready to leave them yet, but she had to. She thought of her sisters who were there last night, she wasn't ready to leave them yet either. She wasn't ready to leave anyone.

Lyss shifted slightly in Mere's arms waking her immediately. Her movement's woke Derek as well.

"Mommy," she whispered.

"Good Morning Lyss," Mere said the emotion thick in her voice.

"Mommy I...." Lyss started.

"Why don't we get you ready to leave," Derek interjected. Lyss nodded. Meredith carefully helped her up, it was so clear how much pain she was in. How much her better mood masked over it all. Derek left the room to get her discharge papers like he always did. Mere helped Lyss into her clothes and when Derek came back they both helped her into the wheelchair. Slowly they wheeled her out. When she looked outside everyone was standing there, well at least all of her Seattle family except the kids.

"Hey Lyss," Izzie said. Lyss looked up and smiled weakly.

"You know when I came into this hospital this time, I thought I would be leaving healthy," Lyss choked out. "And I am actually happy this is probably the last time I am going to leave this hospital, because the next time I will come in here if I do, I am probably not coming out. And..."

"Lyss," Mark said. "We know." Izzie was the first one up, she hugged her tightly.

"You are amazing Lyss," she said. "I will visit you as many...."

"You do realize you live next door, you will probably be over there everyday," Lyss countered.

"Same old Lyss," Izzie laughed tearfully. Mark was next.

"You never give up Lyss, it's not you," he said sadly.

"It doesn't feel like... I don't feel like I am actually living in this body. It have to," she said hugging him tightly.

"I understand, we all do," he told her as each of them took turns in hugging her. Derek and Meredith wheeled her to the car, and it was probably the first time in 5 months that she didn't fall asleep on the way home. She just stared forward, thinking. Could she had fought harder? Could Lyss had at least tried the clinical trial? Would it have increased her chances at all? Lyss couldn't think like that. She made the decision. Her time was now focused on resting, saying good-bye, enjoying her last moments. Lyss knew exactly where to start.

"Lyss we're home," Derek said. Her thoughts were snapped back to them.

"Oh," she said quietly.

"Come on baby," Meredith said opening her door and helping Lyss out.

"Is everyone home?" she asked.

"Yes," Derek said coming around to the other side of her.

"Do they all know?" she asked.

"No, only Sophia, Hayley, and Paige," Meredith said.

"Don't tell Noah, I will, I.... I know what to say," Lyss told them.

"You sure," Derek asked warily wanting to spare his dying daughter from telling Noah the truth.

"Yeah," Lyss whispered. "I'm hungry." Derek laughed slightly.

"I haven't heard that come out of your mouth in a while," Derek said sadly.

"Get used to it Daddy," Lyss said smiling weakly and walking into the house. Meredith and Derek shared a sad glance but followed her in one hand each on her back. She walked in and it seemed like life never changed, they must have gotten used to no sick talk because she had heard that Derek had banned any talk of cancer in the house, it was saved for the hospital. Now Lyss was home, and never going back to the hospital.

Noah was on the couch fighting with Kelsey wanting to change the channel from Hannah Montana to Spongebob. Jake was in the back room playing his Nintendo DS intently. Paige was trying to find some peace in the chair next to the TV reading. Hayley was doing her homework or studying at the kitchen table alongside Sophia. Everything was the way it was supposed to be.

"I'm home," Lyss whispered smiling slightly. Noah heard the door opened and looked over, a smile spread across his face as he jumped up.

"LYSSA! LYSSA!" he screamed running over. "LYSSA YOU'RE HOME!" He ran right towards her and hugged her legs tightly.

"Yeah buddy I am home for good," she said putting on a strong smile.

"No more hopstickle," he asked tilting his head.

"No more hospital, I am home," she said kissing him on the forehead. He wrapped his arms around her neck before letting go and running over to Kels.

"Kelsey, Kelsey," he said eagerly. "Lyssa's home." He ran into the back room where Jake was and started shaking him and pushing him off the couch. Lyss laughed.

"Lyss you're home," Kelsey said happily and hugged her sister tightly. She looked over at Meredith and Derek noticing their guarded wary expression but thought nothing of it. Jake came over.

"Why didn't you tell us," he asked hugging her as if he expected Lyss to be better.

"Uh, Jake, we will tell you later," Mere stuttered making Jake narrow his eyes. But he just shrugged it off and returned to the back room with a smile. Paige, Hayley, and Sophia were standing back. Lyss ran up and hugged them tightly.

"I'm sorry you guys had to see that," she said quietly. They said nothing but hugged her back and returned to their recent activities.

"You want something to eat?" Derek asked heading towards the kitchen.

"I'm a little tired, make it quick," Lyss said as Mere put her arm on her shoulder. Lyss turned around and gave her a strong smile only being returned a weak sorrow filled one. They walked into the kitchen together and Lyss watched as Derek made her a sandwich to eat. Lyss ate it hungrily and they helped her up to bed. She sighed as she laid down.

"What is it baby?" Mere asked.

"I'm jut glad to be home," Lyss said closing her eyes. She felt Derek kiss her forehead.

"We're glad your home too Lyss," he said quietly and left the room.

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_The next day........_

Lyss woke up with a jerk, another nightmare, but again as vague as the one that night she found out she was actually dying. Her head slowly turned towards the clock, it was 9:30. Everyone should be in school, and her father should be at work. They were now switching days and only working until 5 o'clock. Richard obviously understands.

She stretched her legs, testing out her muscles. Every move she made was awkward, yet another after affect of the chemo, she was so sore.

Warily Lyss got out of her bed. She loved that she was back in her bed, in her room, in her house. It felt good to be back home, but why did it have to be under these circumstances? Slowly Lyss walked down the stairs rubbing her eyes. She was trying to make it as normal as possible. Lyss was going to try to live her life as she did before until the day she died. But the thing is, Lyss didn't know when she would die, no one did. Walking into the kitchen she was surprised to find both her mom and dad sitting drinking coffee.

"Mommy, Daddy," Lyss said softly, they turned around.

"Hey Lyss, how did you sleep?" Derek said getting up and helping her to a seat.

"Fine.... Daddy why aren't you at work?" she asked.

"I want to stay home with you today," Derek said.

"I have Mommy, and I will have you tomorrow too, Daddy it's fine. I am not dying yet," Lyss said looking up at him. Derek looked at her sadly and kissed her.

"Please, go to work, get distracted, for me," Lyss pleaded pouting her lip.

"You know that doesn't work on me Lyss," Derek said.

"Please," she said looking a him innocently a pout still on her face.

"Derek, you can't say not to that," Meredith joked. "We'll be fine."

"Yeah listen to Mom," Lyss said hugging him tightly.

"Goodbye Lyss, see you at 5," Derek said grabbing his coat, keys, and kissing Mere on the way out.

"So what do you to do today?" Lyss asked as soon as he left.

"I don't know," Mere said. "What about breakfast, you want any?"

"Yes please," Lyss said sweetly. Mere rolled her eyes and grabbed a microwavable waffle and toast. She made it and set it on the table for Lyss.

"Here you go baby."

"Thank you," Lyss said quietly and stabbed a piece of waffle drenched in syrup and put it in her mouth. Meredith looked at her in disgust.

"How can you eat it like that?"

"How can't you?"

"Very funny." Lyss smiled. "That's probably one of the things we don't have in common." Lyss got up and walked over to the couch.

"What time is it?" Lyss asked.

"Almost 10:45," Mere said.

"You want to watch Rachel Ray?" Lyss asked turning on the TV.

"Sure.... but it's only the last 15 minutes," Mere said unenthusiastically. Lyss laughed.

"Hey Mom, look it's Ellen Pompeo, I love her!" Lyss said.

"Yeah from whatever that show Izzie got you into," Mere joked.

"She is so talented, an amazing actress," Lyss gushed.

"I thought you loved that... uh Patrick Dempsey," Mere asked.

"Duh," Lyss laughed.

"He does kind of look like your father," Meredith smirked. Lyss rolled her eyes.

"Oh be quiet and watch," Lyss said and leaned on her shoulder. Mere smiled as the interview was over along with the show.

"You want to do something else now?" Meredith asked.

"Sure," Lyss said lifting the remote when the she heard the announcement for the View.

_"Today on the View, the cast of the 2025 Rent Tour also known as the Original Broadway Cast plus Tracie Toms... Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp, Idina Menzel, Taye Diggs, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Jesse L. Martin....." _Lyss put the remote down. Mere laughed as she leaned forward intently.

They opened with the song Season's of Love and took a seat.

_"So, how was it to be back on the stage in your original roles?" Barbara asked._

_"It was great to get back up there," Idina said._

_"Rent has definitely bloomed into the dream Jonathan had all those years ago," Adam said. _

_"What was your favorite moment of the tour, your favorite city?" Whoopi asked._

_"I would have to say..... Seattle," Anthony said. _Lyss's eyes lit up_._

_"And why is that, I heard it rains a lot?" Joy asked._

_"It does, but it is more like what happened and a person we met there," Jesse said._

_"And who is that?" Sherri asked._

_"Well I had gone to a a clinic in LA and I met someone named Addison Montgomery, a doctor as well, who had a niece that was a total devout Rent fan," Adam said. _Lyss gasped.

_"And what is different about her then the other fans," Elisabeth asked._

_"Well she was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago," Idina said._

_"And when we came out into the audience and talked with her and her family, the look on her face was rewarding enough," Tracie said._

_"That must have been amazing....." Joy asked._

Lyss didn't hear anything else. It had to be her they were talking about. She was surprised, shocked, but mostly tired. She fell asleep on Meredith's lap. Softly Mere stroked her face and smiled. Lyss looked so peaceful. About an hour later Lyss stirred while Meredith was watching the news.

"Mommy," Lyss said quietly.

"Yes baby," Meredith said stroking her face once as she shifted to look up at her.

"Do you think it hurts?" she asked.

"It hurts to what?" Mere asked.

"To die."

"I don't know Lyss."

"What about the ferry boat crash, weren't you dead for a little while."

"Yes, but that was different."

"Oh, but when you were dead, did you go someplace, like..."

"An afterlife yes. Denny, Dylan, a previous patient Bonnie, one of my mom's old scrub nurses, and my dog dock were there. They told me to go back."

"But you didn't listen to them at first, why didn't they just leave."

"They couldn't." Lyss gasped. "Why not?"

"Because they were sent to save me, and only Dylan could leave because he already saved my life once."

"So I won't be stuck in the hospital when I die. Because you know how much I hate the hospital."

"That I do know," Mere said quietly.

"I will be in heaven... Do you believe in heaven?"

"Yes I do."

"Do you think....."

"What?" Mere asked. Lyss stopped, and all of a sudden tears burst from her eyes.

"I.... don't..... want..... to....... die!" she sobbed. Meredith gathered her in her arms and hugged her tightly.

"Shhh, it's okay."

"I'm scared. I don't want to leave you all. I haven't had enough time here. The last time I was healthy I was pregnant, and fighting with you all. And not myself. I want to make it up to you all. I... I don't want to leave yet. But it's just so hard!" Lyss started shaking but pulled away gently to face Meredith.

"Promise me a few things Mommy," Lyss said quietly.

"What sweetheart?"

"One, don't.... don't let Noah forget me. I can't be forgotten, I.... it will be even harder. Two, don't miss me for two long, it will be hard to go if I know everyone is grieving too much and falling apart."

"Oh Lyss...."

"And three. Let me go. Don't keep me on life support. Get me comfortable and then let me go. I want to stay here with you all. I do, but not that way. Let everyone say goodbye, and then let me go. Don't let me be in any more pain then I already am. It's hard enough and painful enough leaving all of you and knowing what I am going to do to you. That pain on top of everything else, is just unbearable."

"I will baby," Mere said sobbing.

"And one more thing..."

"What is it?"

"I want to go back to school, dance, everything I can do."

"I don't know if that is such...."

"Mom I want to live out my life before I go. I dont want to fall into the same routine I had before. Please, just company class, and I want to see all my friends and teachers..... please. It's the one thing I want the most, please."

"We'll see, I will call the school tomorrow."

"Thank you Mommy," Lyss whispered snuggling into her arms. Mere wrapped her arms around her comfortably. They fell into a silence.

"Lyss...." Mere said suddenly.

"What Mom?"

"I never really realized how alike we were besides looking like me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean from previously, not now. I was neglected attention from my mom too. I acted out to get her attention, I just guess you had a little more luck."

"Oh Mommy, I'm sorry."

_Fourteen year old Meredith trudged through the halls of the hospital. Her hair was streaked pink and her outfit was all black._

_"What the hell are you wearing!" she heard a voice call. She knew it was her mother._

_"Whatever Ellis it's cool," she said turning around._

_"No daughter of mine will dress like that," Ellis hissed._

_"Then disown me because I am not changing," Meredith countered._

_"You're a child."_

_"And you're never home."_

_"I have a career."_

_"I have to have a mother."_

_"There's no time for family shit when you're an amazing surgeon."_

_"Well at least other surgeon's have a heart."_

_"You're pushing it kid."_

_"You intimidate me," Meredith said sarcastically. Ellis marched up to her and slapped her in the face causing blood to trickle down._

_"Get that stitched up and get out of my sight," Ellis hissed and turned around leaving a stunned Meredith. "And roll up your sleeves, I don't want the hospital to know that I raised a cutter."_

"I turned into my mother."

"Mommy, no you didn't, you're the best Mom in the world. I couldn't ask for better. You're human, you make mistakes. Daddy, he makes mistakes. Ellis, she made a lot of mistakes. But making mistakes doesn't mean your a horrible mother, that you don't love us. Just because I got stuck in the middle doesn't mean you are a bad mother. Every middle child is bound to act like the way I did, maybe just not to my extreme. You love all of us so much, and that is what being a mother means. And we all love you back. Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, Noah, and I wouldn't be who we are today if it wasn't for you being the best mother you could be. And to me, you were an amazing one."

"Lyss.... thank you."

"Why are you saying thank you when I know it's true." Meredith squeezed her a little tighter and Lyss closed her eyes feeling safe. "Can we just stay here for a little while?"

"Of course baby, whatever you want," Meredith said kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry Mommy," Lyss whispered. Meredith didn't even have to ask what for. She knew.

"I know sweetheart," Meredith murmured. Lyss looked into her eyes briefly and reached up to her face and wiped a tear that was sliding down her cheek away.

"I love you Mommy."

"I love you too Lyss." Lyss breathed in deeply and fell into a deep sleep.

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Derek reluctantly returned home promptly at 5 o'clock. When he walked in the door he saw Lyss sleeping on the couch. Everyone else was carefully avoiding her. From the look of Kelsey and Jake he could tell they were suspecting something. Noah was oblivious and contently watching television in the back room while Paige, Hayley, and Sophia were studying at the table. Meredith was in the kitchen attempting to prepare dinner but casting a glance at Lyss every few minutes.

"Daddy!" Noah squealed and ran over abandoning Spongebob. Everyone else looked up. He ruffled his hair and continued to the table where he kissed Paige, Hayley, Sophia, and Kels on the head. Jake hung back and took over the back room much to Noah's annoyance. Derek then walked into the kitchen.

"Hey," Mere said quietly.

"Hey," Derek said kissing her lightly on the lips.

"How was work?" she asked.

"It was fine. There was a crash but it was nothing I couldn't handle. But I was hung up in the OR all day."

"Oh," Meredith said continuing to prepare spagetti.

"How was your day?" he asked warily.

"It was.... nice," Meredith said looking up at him and smiling.

"What did you and Lyss do all day?" he asked.

"Watched TV, talked, snuggled on the couch," Mere answered.

"What did you talk about?" Mere looked up tears in her eyes.

"Oh Derek! I can't lose her, we can't lose her, we can't afford to lose her. It will make our family fall apart more then it already has," she sobbed.

"Shhh, it's okay. I know," he said pulling her into his chest.

"It's like seeing her in isolation or during chemo, so vulnerable. We can't do anything except hold her hand. Hold her hand while she slowly disappears in font of our eyes. I want to take the pain away from her but..... it's just so hard."

"I know, I know," Derek calmed his own tears making his voice waver.

"She is so brave, but she is scared. She doesn't want to leave us, but it's not like we can keep her here, that would be selfish. Lyss even asked me to take her off life support if the time comes."

"Oh Mere, I am sorry you were alone for that," Derek said.

"You are alone for things like that too."

"I know."

"We have to be there. For Lyss. For Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, Jake, and Noah. They are losing their sister. it's just so hard. Both of us have to watch them all suffer."

"The hardest thing a parent has to do," Derek said quietly.

"She want to go back to school, and dance, do you think we should let her?"

"Do you think it will help?"

"Yeah, it's what she wants to do," Meredith said.

"Then we can call her school and the studio."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too Meredith."

"We can get through this."

"Yeah, as long as we are there for her. I think we can."

"Oh Derek, we have to call your family. And Addison, Kevin, Naomi, Sam, and all of our friends in L.A," Meredith said sadly.

"We can get through this Meredith, together."

"Together," Meredith whispered leaning her head on his chest.

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Next chapter will be how her siblings are handling Lyss's pending death. How will they explain it to Noah? How will he handle it? Lots of drama but a lot of cute moments. Then the next will be Addie, then the New York/ Connecticut family, then her Seattle family. Remember that it is all one day, the day after Lyss came home. If you are wondering why there is no Lyss and Derek part, well I guess you will have to read to find out when it is. And one little note, remember Addie's wedding is coming up soon, will Lyss be able to attend?

A/N: This story didn't really go how I wanted it to but I am finally getting back on track. Slowly I am editing each chapter so I fixed the first and second already and I am working up from there. So please just stay with it. And it's not ending yet :)

Thanks! I got 18 reviews for my last chapter like I asked! You guys rock! Thank you for staying with my story.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	64. Chapter 64: So Much

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)

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Only Hayley, Paige, and Sophia know about Lyss giving up. What will Kelsey and Jake do? How will they feel? How will they explain it to Noah without breaking him? How will it affect them all? This chapter will be told in the view of Sophia, Kelsey, and Lyss's point of view but it will show everyone's emotions. People have been saying that the siblings haven't had much of a part in the story, but this story was mostly about Lyss, Meredith, and Derek. But now they slowly begin to come into play..... And this chapter kind of overlaps with the others, like they mention Derek on the phone, Lyss hanging up the phone, Izzie leaving, that kind of stuff. Oh and I forgot, it kind of shows why I killed Lucy, it wasn't for nothing, well you see :)

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help!!!!!!!!!!!! (Especially what Kels does.........)

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Sophia was still sitting at the kitchen table. She heard her parents crying. How could Lyss break them like that? How could she tear them apart? Tear them all apart. But why was she blaming Lyss, Sophia understood. She understood that she couldn't hold on any longer. But it doesn't mean that she doesn't wish that Lyss could have tried. For the past 5 months it was like she didn't have a sister besides Hayley, Paige, and Kels because Lyss was scarcely there. But she always knew she was there after all. But now, that Lyss was actually going to leave, cease to exist, it was too hard of a blow. At least she had the rest of her family around her.

She looked back at the couch. Lyss was still sound asleep. Jake and Noah were still in the back room fighting over the TV. Kels was still in the chair looking confused and suspicious. Hayley and Paige were still doing their homework. Her parents were still crying. Everything was like it normally was before they found out Lyss was dying. Sophia actually got used to the sound of her parents crying. They cried themselves to sleep every night. But Sophia couldn't help but feel neglected no matter how selfish it was. It was always Lyss this, cancer that. It had become a normal routine of making dinner, driving everyone around, acting like a guardian to her younger siblings when her parents weren't around.

It angered her that Lyss had to get cancer. Why her family? Although it brought them even closer than before, it was also eating away at each of them little by little. Meredith and Derek knew that Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, kels, and Noah needed attention as well but it was so hard, which was exactly why Sophia took over. It was so difficult, but rewarding at the same time, until now. At first Sophia had thought that she was helping Lyss get better by helping out, Hayley and paige as well. But now that all their work, their struggles, Lyss's struggles were going to waste, it was unbearable.

What was also unbearable was the thought of Lyss dying. In the beginning they all knew it was a possibility but no one ever thought it would come true. It was Lyss. A fighter. Probably one of the most stubborn people in the world besides Meredith. No one in the family thought that Lyss would put forward all that effort and then give up.

But it wasn't Lyss's fault, it was the fucking cancer. Sophia didn't even realize that tears were streaming down her face.

"Soph," Paige said concerned. "Soph what's wrong?"

"Sophia!" Hayley called.

"Huh," she said looking up.

"Soph, why are you crying?" Paige asked. All Sophia does is look back at the couch.

"I'm scared," she whispers.

"We are too," Hayley said grabbing Sophia's hand.

"Who ever wants their little sister to die before them?" Paige asked.

"Why did it have to be her?" Sophia asked. "She never did anything wrong. She was smart, athletic, an amazing actress, why does it have to come to an end?"

"Maybe it's fate," Hayley whispered.

"Well fate sucks. It's not fair," Sophia hissed. Paige put her hand on her shoulder.

"I know. But we have to be there for her," Paige told her.

"I know, but I don't want to watch her go through this," Sophia countered.

"None of us do, but we have to," Paige said.

"I still can't believe they haven't told Jake, Kels, or Noah yet," Hayley said.

"They deserve to know," Paige agreed. Sophia was silent for a second and heard Lyss turn over.

"Oh Lyss," Sophia cried and put her head on the table. Paige hugged Sophia tightly.

"Come on Soph, we will get though this. You can't let Noah see you like this, or Lyss, she feels bad enough already," Paige said.

"I know you're right but I will miss her so much," Sophia said.

"We were always the closest with her," Hayley agreed. "We'll all miss her."

"But we will also all get through this together as a family," Paige said strongly.

"Wow, you're as corny as Dad," Sophia joked.

"Shut Up," Paige said playfully slapping her smiling for the first time since they found out Lyss was giving up.

"I know one thing though," Hayley said.

"What?" Sophia asked wiping away her tears and also smiling. One because she was feeling a little better, and two her parents finally stopped crying.

"She's not dead yet," Hayley told them. And she was right. They still had their sister for a little while longer. And they were going to make the best of it.

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There was something her parents weren't telling her. Kelsey could tell. Whatever it was, was the reason they were sobbing in the kitchen, or why Paige, Hayley, and Sophia were crying, or why Lyss was home and feeling better, but still asleep on the couch like she always was. There was definitely something they all weren't telling her. Jake didn't know either, Kels could tell. And Noah.... well he was oblivious to everything, but he is only 4.

The way they kept glancing over at Lyss. She was definitely suspicious.

"Kels, can you wake up Lyss, it's time for dinner?" Meredith called.

"Sure Mom," she said and got up and slowly walked towards the couch. She touched her back and Lyss woke instantly.

"Huh," she mumbled.

"It's time for dinner Lyss," Kelsey told her.

"Oh okay," Lyss whispered and pushed herself to her feet and walked over to the table. Kelsey took her seat opposite of Lyss. They ate in the usual silence they always had since Lyss was diagnosed. But Derek and Meredith never took their eyes off of Lyss, Hayley, Paige, and Sophia either. Something was up, maybe she had gotten a bone marrow transplant and they were worried it wouldn't take? That was Kels's best guess. She wanted that to be what was really wrong with her sister.

Her eyes shifted to Lyss. Her head was down but she knew that Lyss knew they were all staring at her, except for Noah of course. That was when Lyss stood up.

"Hey Noah, you done?" she asked.

"Yeah Lyssa," he said tilting his head to the side.

"Good because I need to talk to you about something," Lyss told him. Then she looked up at Meredith and Derek. They nodded seriously and gave her an encouraging smile. Lyss smiled back but then grew serious and nodded towards Kels and Jake. This was the moment she would find out what was really wrong. Meredith's eyes softened but nodded. Lyss stood up and walked with Noah upstairs to his room. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia quickly cleared the table and disappeared into the kitchen.

Did she need to go back to the hospital? Was she getting a bone marrow transplant? Was their clinical trials she had to consider? There was one problem with Kelsey's thoughts.... they all involved Lyss living and fighting.

"Mom, Dad, what is wrong with her?" Kelsey demanded.

"You seriously don't think we are that stupid to realize something is up," Jake accused.

"No we don't," Derek said quietly.

"Then tell us what's wrong!" Kelsey screamed louder then she probably needed to.

"Kels," Meredith said grabbing her hand. "The chemo didn't give Lyss remission as we had hoped."

"No," Jake whispered.

"Wha-What does that mean? Does Lyss need.... need a transplant? Or are there trials, or something, something else, there has to be something else right?" Kels stuttered. So many things have been going trough her mind, and now they were coming together. She was scared to know the outcome.

"Honey, Lyss is refusing treatment," Derek told her gently.

"WHAT?!" she screamed.

"Can't you guys make her?" Jake blurted out desperately.

"She doesn't want to fight anymore, she is giving up," Meredith explained kissing him on the cheek.

"THEN MAKE HER! MAKE HER FIGHT!" Kelsey screamed.

"Kels, she doesn't want to. We are respecting her wishes, please baby calm down," Derek said putting a hand on her shoulder. She wrenched it off.

"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN YOU ARE LETTING MY SISTER GIVE UP! SHE IS GONNA DIE! YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!" Kelsey accused the tears streaming down her face. Jake was silent, his eyes wide.

"So Lyss is going to die," he said sadly his own tears beginning to fall.

"Yeah Jake, unless a miracle happens," Meredith told them sadly.

"You know we love her so much, we love all of you. And I know this is hard and it is going to be incredibly hard when the time comes, but she is ready," Derek explained.

"NO I WON'T LET HER!" Kelsey screamed and ran away from the table.

"Kels," Mere called after her.

"KELSEY!" Derek repeated. Kels ignored them and ran up the stairs towards her room. She heard the door of Noah's room open and saw Lyss step out.

"Kels stop," she said attempting to grab her hand. She didn't want to listen though, she was giving up. She was leaving them.

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Lyss sat on Noah's bed next to him. He looked like he wanted to play with his toys more than talk. He was so innocent, but Lyss had to tell him, no matter how hard it is.

"Lyssa, you wanna play with my cars with me or..." he started babbling getting up and smiling at Lyss. It made her heart hurt looking at his smiling face.

"Maybe later Noah, but first I want to talk with you," Lyss explained patting the spot on his bed Noah had recently left.

"Okay," he said and ran over looking up at her with his big blue eyes.

"Noah, you remember your friend Lucy?" Lyss asked gently.

"Yeah," Noah said quietly. "Mommy, and Daddy, and Uncle Alex, and everyone else said that she went away."

"They did," Lyss said.

"Yeah, they all said Lucy went to a special place where people with cancer go to get better when they are really really really sick," he said and cocked his head to the side.

"What would you say if I was going to this place?" she asked.

"I wouldn't like it, I miss Lucy and I would miss you too much Lyssa. Your not, are you," he said his voice wavering and his lip pouting slightly.

"Well you know how Lucy was really really sick, I am really really sick too," Lyss explained.

"Can't you get better here with us?" Noah asked his lip quivering.

"No Noah, I can't," Lyss said with a lump in her throat.

"Will you come back when you are better?" he asked.

"Noah...... um....... I...... when I go to this place, it is really hard to come back from."

"Is it far away?"

"Yes and no."

"But you aren't coming back?"

"I'm sorry Noah," Lyss whispered her own tears falling.

"NO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE!" he sobbed.

"Shhh, Shhh Noah it's okay, I don't want to leave either."

"Then why do you have to?" he asked his lip still pouted.

"Because......... Noah I won't really leave."

"You won't. Where will you be?"

"In here," she said pointing to his heart. "And here," she said pointing to Noah's head.

"How?"

"As long as you always love me and remember me I will always be with you Noah," Lyss explained her own voice faltering slightly.

"I will love you always Lyssa."

"I am glad," Lyss said giving Noah a strong smile.

"What is this place called?" he asked.

"It's called heaven."

"Will Lucy be there with you?"

"Yeah, she will."

"Will I ever see you again?" he asked.

"Someday Noah, but not for a really long time."

"But I will miss you too much," he cried.

"I will too," Lyss said hugging him tightly.

"I love you Lyssa."

"I love you too buddy," Lyss cried kissing him on the head. "Now you still wanna play with your cars?"

"YEAH!" he said excitedly and ran over to his pile. "I will be the black one with the flames, and you be the red one." Lyss smiled and reached for the car but froze, she heard Kels running up the stairs.

"I will be right back," Lyss said running over to the door and opened it. She attempted to grab her little sisters hand. "Kels stop!" But she kept running and slammed her bedroom door.

"Kelsey," she called and ran over to the slammed door. She heard her parents behind her. Carefully she knocked on the door.

"Kels please open up, I want to talk," Lyss begged.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! YOUR LEAVING US!" Kels screamed back. "YOU'RE ABANDONING US!" Lyss gasped and started sobbing.

"Shhh, Shhh," Derek said as Meredith grabbed her gently and pulled her into a hug.

"Give her time," Meredith said wiping Lyss's tears away.

"She blames me," Lyss said quietly.

"She's only 9 Lyss, it's a lot to handle, it's okay baby," Meredith said still hugging her.

"What about Noah?" Derek asked.

"I think he is okay, I explained it kind of like you explained it for him with Lucy. I'm not sure he fully understands," Lyss explained looking towards his door where he poked his head out.

"Lyssa come play cars with me," he said and pouted.

"Why don't you bring them downstairs Noah," Derek told him as Meredith helped Lyss down the stairs. She saw Jake and immediately ran towards him and hugged him tightly.

"I'll miss you Lyss," he said sadly.

"I will too," Lyss said kissing him on the cheek. He rubbed it off playfully and she smacked him in the arm. Jake laughed slightly causing Lyss to smile. Lyss slowly sat down on the floor next to Noah but was distracted. Her parents were in the kitchen. Not crying this time but calling people. Derek was on the house phone probably calling Elizabeth and everyone and Meredith was probably calling Addison on her cell. This is when Lyss feels she made a mistake giving up so easily. Lyss was kind of in a trance. She was thinking of Kels, her room was silent for a while.

Izzie had come over, but she barely realized it. She was waiting for a sound to come from Kelsey's room. Even when the phone was shoved in her ear to talk to various people Lyss was still distracted. When she hung up after talking to Addie she stood up.

"Lyss, where are you going?" Meredith asked.

"I want to try and talk to Kelsey again, she is probably cooled down by now," Lyss told her.

"Good Luck," Derek told her wistfully causing her to giggle. Reluctantly Lyss walked up the stairs slowly and towards Kels's room.

"Kels, Kelsey please open up. I just want to talk. Please," Lyss said gently while knocking on the door. When she got no answer Lyss repeated. "Kelsey, please." Lyss reached up above the door and grabbed the key and put it in the door knob. "Kels, I am coming in," she warned. She opened the door. Lyss withdrew a gasp at the empty room that lay before her.

"MOM! DAD!" she screamed. She heard their steps quickly follow.

"Lyss what is it-" Derek began but broke off as he saw the empty room.

"Bathroom, check the bathroom," he told Mere. She shook her head after she check. Within a few seconds they searched the top floor and it was clear she was not there, Lyss stood in the same spot, staring at the empty bed. That was when Lyss ran downstairs, slipped on her shoes, and put on her jacket.

"KELSEY! KELSEY!" she screamed and ran outside. Sophia followed quickly.

"Lyss what's wrong?" she asked.

"Kels ran away," she cried and resumed screaming her name. It was slowly getting dark out, she was worried. Kels was only nine. She heard the door to Izzie and Alex's house open but Lyss kept calling her.

"Lyss, Lyss what's happening?" Izzie asked as Derek and Meredith ran outside, their coats on as well followed by Paige, and Sophia.

"Kels ran away, and it's all my fault," Lyss sobbed.

"Lyss no it's not, she will be okay," Derek said. "You were...."

"How do you know? If it wasn't for me crying when I was 8 you probably wouldn't have found me. I was hurt too, I needed stitches," Lyss screamed at him shaking. Izzie was the closest and hugged Lyss.

"Shhh, Shhh, we'll find her," Izzie said. Lyss, now exhausted, nodded her head.

"Okay, Meredith and Sophia go with Izzie and Alex and start walking around. Me, Paige, and Jake will go in the car. Hayley volunteered to stay back at the house to see if she comes home and to watch Noah and Lyss...." Derek ordered.

"Watch Noah and who?" Lyss accused.

"Lyss it's cold, we don't want you to catch anything, it could still be fatal," Meredith tried to explain putting her hand on her shoulder. Lyss wrenched it off and ran into the direction of the park.

"ALYSSA!" Derek called.

"I have to find her!" Lyss said still crying.

"Mere follow her, make sure she doesn't get hurt, try and stop her," Derek said getting in the car. Lyss was still running. Izzie, Sophia, Alex, and Mere started chasing after her.

"Lyss slow down," Alex called but she didn't hear him.

"How come even with cancer she is faster then us?" Izzie asked.

"She always will," Sophia said sadly. They were all out of breath by the time they made it to the park, even Lyss. She was walking slowly towards the swings where a young blonde girl was sitting moving back and forth. Meredith was about to rush forward but Lyss turned around. She looked at her desperately as if by saying 'Let me talk to her first.' Mere nodded.

Silently Lyss walked up to the swings and took a seat on the one next to Kels. She gasped slightly but turned her head.

"Kels, please talk to me," Lyss begged.

"There's nothing to talk about," she muttered. "You're leaving us, you're giving up."

"Kels, do you think I want to leave you all?" Lyss accused but kept her voice soft.

"It sure seems that way," Kels said coldly.

"How could you say that?" Lyss hissed. "How could you say that I want to leave? How could you say that I want to leave all the people I love? Don't you know that I know how hard this is for all of you. It's hard for me."

"Then why give up?"

"Because.... Don't you think I know how it will affect all of you. How it will kill Mom and Dad. But it's just so hard to stay fighting. I am so tired Kels. I don't want to live this way. And you, accusing me doesn't make it any harder," Lyss spat. She glared at Kels until she saw the tears running down her face. "Oh Kels."

"Lyss I don't want to lose you. Your my older sister. I am scared what a world without you will be like. Your the reason I like dance, you the reason I got into sports. That's why I play tennis, soccer, and want to try field hockey," Kels cried. Lyss hugged her tightly. "I don't want our family to fall apart, I will miss you too much. I love you Lyss."

"I love you too Kels."

"You're the reason Paige and Hayley and Sophia and Jake did more sports too. They told me so. You're why Sophia does volleyball along with basketball, Paige plays basketball and tennis in addition to softball, Hayley does swimming and lacrosse as well as soccer, and Jake wrestles along with baseball. We all want to be like you Lyss, athletic. But you can still kick our butts at everything we try to do but, what will we do without someone to be better then all of us. You keep us together. You're not stuck in the middle, without you, there would be no family."

"You want to play field hockey?" Lyss asked pulling away.

"Yeah, but I wanted you to teach me and now you can't."

"I'm sorry Kels. You can ask some of my friends like Becca or Han-....."

"But I don't want to play if you aren't here."

"Why? I need a Shepherd to play field hockey in addition to me. Or you can play lacrosse, I always wanted to do that but I had dance, and drama, and was dedicated to my travel team."

"I guess, but what about dance?"

"What about it?"

"I don't want to be the only Shepherd at the studio."

"Why? You are a great dancer Kels."

"Not as good as you, and I only do ballet and jazz."

"Kels, don't give up on the things you love because I am leaving, it will make me leaving worse." The lights from their father's car flashed in their view.

"Do you think you will be okay?" Lyss asked her.

"Yeah Lyss. I love you. I will miss you so much."

"Me too."

"It's gonna be quiet in the house without you," Kels told her standing up.

"Oh Kels."

"Come on lets go Lyss," Kels said hugging her one last time and slowly walked over. That's when Meredith ran up.

"Don't do that ever again Kelsey," she cried hugging her.

"I'm sorry, I needed time to think, but I am okay now."

"Good," Meredith said putting her arm around her and kissing Lyss on the forehead. She would miss this so much.

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Next chapter is Addie's chapter. She is preparing for her wedding. Will her dream be destroyed by a phone call? What will she do?

A/N: This story didn't really go how I wanted it to but I am finally getting back on track. Slowly I am editing each chapter so I fixed the first and second already and I am working up from there. So please just stay with it. And it's not ending yet :)

Thanks! I got reviews for my last chapter like I asked! You guys rock! Thank you for staying with my story.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	65. Chapter 65: LA Blues

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)

****

While Addison is planning for her wedding she gets a call from Meredith whom she was going to ask to be a bridesmaid. Will all of her plans be changed by Lyss giving up? What will everyone else in L.A. say? This chapter is full of flashbacks so you see what the relationship between goddaughter and godmother is more fully.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Nae, tell me, how does this dress look?" Addie asked as she stepped out of the dressing room.

"Addie!" Naomi exclaimed. "That's the one. Vi come over here!"

"What?" she asked. She took a look at Addison. "Addison, my god. Kevin will be..... that's perfect."

"You think so?" Addie asked coming up to a mirror. "Wow... I look."

"Hot," Naomi finished. "I won't be surprised if he can't wait until after the reception to get you out of this thing."

"Nae!" Addison said. The three girls laughed. "So.... bridesmaid dresses."

"Yeah, we have 2 out of 4," Violet informed her.

"Well Callie and Mere are still in Seattle. I have a feeling neither will be able to get out of Seattle. Lyss will prevent Mere from leaving and "I am not sure, and unfortunately, she doesn't even look like Lyss anymore with the cancer," Addie said.

"That's hard to believe. All I remember about her, especially when she was little was being unable to sit still or stop smiling," Violet is on her team," Addie countered.

"Is she going to be able to come?" Violet asked. "Cause I haven't seen her since the last time they visited L.A. and that was last year."

"You weren't at the month of chemo party, that is the last time me and Sam saw her, it was quite a shock," Naomi said.

"Okay, enough cancer talk, bridesmaid dresses," Addison said and started looking through the racks. Naomi followed her. That's when the phone rang, it was Meredith. Addie answered eagerly.

"Hey Mere! I am so glad you called, we are in the bridal shop and....." Addison gushed.

_"_Addie," Meredith said sadly.

"Mere what's wrong?" she asked.

"Rip off the bandage..." Mer said.

"What?"

"Do you want me to just rip off the bandage, not anesthesia?"

"Mere.... yeah.... I do..."

"Lyss isn't in remission," she told her. "She refuses treatment." Addison sucked in a breath and stared forward, the phone dropped out of her hand.

"Addison, Addie, Addie!" Meredith echoed.

_"Aunt Addie why can't we come to L.A too," Sophia, Hayley and Paige whined. Addison was grabbing Lyss's bags for the weekend._

_"Because this is Lyss's birthday present," Addison said putting her hand on Lyss's shoulder._

_"But you never did this for us," Hayley said pouting._

_"Hayley Logan Shepherd," Meredith scolded. "Lyss is turning 9 and she is Aunt Addie's goddaughter. They are spending a week together in L.A alone." Lyss smiled and Meredith hugged her tightly, well as tightly as a pregnant woman could. "And it's one last kid to worry about besides the one in my stomach."_

_"Mom," Lyss laughed._

_"Have fun Lyss," Meredith said kissing her head. Derek came out with Jake and Kels._

_"Bye Lyss," he said hugging her. _

_"Bye Mom, bye Daddy, bye rain," Lyss said and hopped into the car._

_"Ready to have fun Lyss," Addison said smiling._

_"YES!" Lyss said excitedly waving to her parents and siblings as they drove off._

"Addison," she heard Mere still calling. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Violet pick up the phone. She had no clue tears were running down her face. Naomi was at her side trying to get her to sit.

"Meredith, it's Violet," Addie heard Violet say. She couldn't hear what Meredith said.

"Oh my god," Violet gasped. "Oh Mere I am so sorry."

_"Mind if I turn up the music Lyss," Addie asked._

_"No," Lyss laughed as she blasted it. _

_"Now this is why I moved to California," Addison exclaimed as the sun beamed down on the two of them._

_"Thanks for taking me Aunt Addie," Lyss said._

_"You're like a daughter to me Lyss," Addie said as her phone rang. "Hello, Sam?" Lyss didn't hear Sam's answer. She barely knew Sam, she met him once, her father's last birthday. "But I have Lyss..... It won't take long..... Okay fine, I'll be in."_

_"Who was that?" Lyss asked looking up at Addison._

_"My friend Sam from work," Addie told her._

_"Oh," Lyss said._

_"You mind coming into work for two hours tops," Addie asked._

_"No, I am used to it," Lyss said smiling._

_"Promise it will be fast kiddo, then we have the rest of the weekend to ourselves," Addison promised._

_"Okay, great!" Lyss rejoiced as they pulled into Oceanside Wellness. Addison hopped out and Lyss followed. She rushed into the elevator and into the office._

_"Addie, Annie is in labor," Naomi said._

_"She's early," Addison said grabbing a chart. Violet came up to her as well._

_"Dell's waiting," she said. "And who's this?" She motioned to Lyss._

_"My niece Alyssa, the reason I shouldn't be in work right now. Do you two mind watching her?"_

_"No problem Addie," Naomi said._

_"Thanks Nae, Vi," she said and turned to Lyss. "Lyss this is Naomi remember her?" Addison asked, Lyss nodded. "And this is Violet."_

_"Hi," Lyss said smiling._

_"Hey, let's go to the kitchen," Naomi said. Lyss nodded and followed them._

_"So your parents are Meredith and Derek?" Violet asked. _

_"Yeah, they are," Lyss said proudly._

_"You look just like your Mom," Naomi said. Lyss beamed._

_"So you angry at your Aunt Addie for bringing you here?" Violet asked._

_"No, I am used to it. It happens all the time at the hospital. Sometimes I will hang out with my Aunt Izzie, or Aunt Christina, or Aunt Callie, sometimes Aunt Lexie. My Uncle Mark sometimes..."_

_"Mark," Naomi laughed._

_"Yeah, he's my godfather," Lyss smiled. "But anyway, it probably happens at least once a month. If they have any rounds it is kind of fun because I just follow them around. Or hang out in my Dad's office."_

_"Sounds like you want to be a doctor," Violet said. Lyss nodded enthusiastically._

_"I want to be just like my parents, one of the only one of my siblings," Lyss said proudly._

_"Other siblings?" Violet asked._

_"Yeah she has 5 others..." Naomi said._

_"And another on the way," Lyss said smiling. "Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kelsey."_

_"That's a lot of people," Naomi said._

_"Plus a puppy," Lyss laughed. That's when Addie came rushing in._

_"Done," she told them._

_"Okay, bye Alyssa," Violet and Naomi said. Lyss followed Addison out._

"Oh Meredith, how is everyone handling it?" Addison heard Violet say. "This is unbelievable...... What about Derek or any of the others?"

_"What do you want to do?" Addison asked Lyss as they walked into her house. Lyss shrugged._

_"Where's Kevin?" she asked._

_"Big case this weekend," Addie said. "So it's just us kiddo."_

_"Sweet," Lyss said._

_"Beach?" Addie asked._

_"Sure," Lyss said as they moved her stuff into the guest room. Lyss got changed into her bathing suit and met Addie in the living room._

_"This is why I love living right on the beach," Addie rejoiced._

_"This is quite a change from all the rain," Lyss said._

_"When I first moved here it rained one day and, boy was I cranky," Addison said._

_"I would have loved to see that," Lyss mused._

_"You weren't even born yet kiddo," Addison said kissing her forehead._

_"I am 9 years old, I am not a kid," Lyss informed her. _

_"Oh really," Addie said as they laid down on top of the towels they recently put down._

_"Yeah," Lyss said closing her eyes. Addie had an evil glint in her eyes._

_"So being all grown up it won't tickle when I do this....." Addie said turning over and started ticking her stomach._

_"AUNT ADDIE!" Lyss squealed. "STOP IT!"_

_"Should I, I am not sure," Addison joked._

_"YES! YES! YOU SHOULD!" Lyss screamed and started giggling and squirming._

_"Not sure yet," Addie tortured._

_"PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE STOP!" Lyss pleaded mercifully._

_"Hmm......." Addie pondered._

_"YOU WIN!" Lyss surrendered._

_"That's what I wanted to hear kiddo," Addie said and stopped. Lyss stuck her tongue out at her and Addison returned the gesture._

_"Now who's being the kid," Lyss countered._

_"That's how you want to be huh?" Addison said as Lyss giggled. Addison closed her eyes and tried to tan._

"She's calming down now, I think you can talk to her soon, she is pretty shaken up by this," she heard Naomi said, she must have had the phone.

_"Lyss wake up," Addison said softly to the girl laying in her guest bed. She groaned._

_"It's your last full day in L.A you don't want to waste it in bed," Addison teased rubbing her back._

_"Yes I do," Lyss mumbled into the pillow. Addie laughed. They had spent the entire night watching movies, eating junk food on the beach and in the house, blasting music much to Sam's annoyance, and didn't fall asleep until about 3 in the morning._

_"Well I guess we won't go out to breakfast, or lunch, or go shopping today then....." Addie said. Lyss gasped and sat up in bed quickly._

_"I'm up!" Lyss said._

_"You're parents want you to call them," Addison said. Lyss nodded as grabbed the phone from Addison's outstretched hand. Lyss quickly dialed the number._

_"Hey Mom...... No I am fine...... I am having so much fun.. It is... yes I do... I did.... I will...... Okay Love you Bye....... Hi Daddy............ L.A is awesome............ but yes I still love Seattle... No she hasn't changed me from wanting to be a neurosurgeon to neonatal..... I am soooo telling her you said that..... fine.... I will... Love you," Lyss said into the phone and hung up._

_"Ready to go?" Addie asked._

_"If we are going in our pajamas yes," Lyss said smartly and giggled while looking down. Addison rolled her eyes._

_"I'll meet you in the kitchen Lyss," Addie said leaving the room. Minutes later Lyss came bounding out her blond hair tied up into a neat pony tail neatly falling on her back. She wore a jean skirt that came up to her knees and a purple tank top. A matching small purple purse hung off her shoulder. It contained about 75 dollars she saved up from past Christmases, birthday's, and money her parents gave her for the trip._

_"Ready! she called._

_"Well doesn't someone look cute, but the hair.... it looks so cute down," Addie said touching her hair lightly._

_"I like my hair up," Lyss protested smiling._

_"You look exactly like your Mom," Addie said. Lyss smiled as followed Addie out to the car._

_"Where do you want to go for breakfast?" Addie asked._

_"I dunno, we ate in the house the past two days," Lyss told her with a sweet smile._

_"Uh..... a diner, or McDonald's, or Starbucks....." Addie listed off but when she said Starbucks Lyss's eyes lit up._

_"Starbucks," Lyss said._

_"Starbucks it is," Addie said turning into the parking lot. After a while of begging Lyss got Addie to get both of them a grande mocha frappuccino and a muffin._

_"Thanks Aunt Addie," Lyss said smiling sweetly, Addie rolled her eyes and drove off to the shopping center._

_"You sure your parents won't kill me?" Addie asked._

_"I'm still your problem, if anything happens....."_

_"Oh god." Lyss giggled. By the end of the day Lyss had spent her money and despite her protests a lot of Addie's. There had been so many things Addie wanted to get Lyss she just had to. They walked into the house their arms laden with bags._

_"You know my Mom will kill you, my closet is already full enough," Lyss joked._

_"And why is that?" Addie asked._

_"For one, you are my godmother, and two, Aunt Izzie lives next door," Lyss giggled._

_"Is that so," Addie said._

_"Yupp," Lyss said walking into the guest room and putting the bags down on the bed. "Thank you so much Aunt Addie." Lyss walked up to her and hugged her tightly._

_"Your welcome Lyss," Addie said hugging her back._

Addison grabbed the phone from Naomi's hand.

"Mere," she said quietly.

"Addie you scared me," Meredith said.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "When?" She finally blurted out.

"We found out two days ago, and it was totally her decision, she refused any clinical trial because...."

"Her boyfriend Chase, I know."

"It's a whole lot more beyond that, some things me and Derek don't even know."

"My blood sample I sent over?"

"Only a 3/5 match, you and Derek were the closest. Unfortunately, that isn't enough. I wasn't even a match, or Lexie, or Molly, or any of my older girls."

"Oh Mere, how are you holding up, how is everyone holding up?"

"Kels is taking it hard, Noah is not sure, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige are being supportive but on the verge of.... and Jake is just bewildered."

"Mere what about you and Derek?" They were who she was most concerned about. It had been their greatest fear and now it was becoming a reality. She could easily tell Meredith was about to break down any second.

"Oh Addie," Mere cried into the phone. "It's horrible! We just have to sit around and watch!"

"Shhh Mere, Shhh."

"I'm sorry Addie I don't think we will be able to make it to the wedding," Meredith said solemnly. Addison figured but it was still a hard blow.

"Excuse me," a voice in the background said. She heard more inaudible fighting until the voice spoke again. "Let me talk to her Mom." It was Lyss.

"Aunt Addie?" Lyss said into the phone.

"Lyss!" Addie said and mixture of grief and happiness in her voice.

"Don't let my Mom tell you we are not coming to your wedding," she said harshly, it was obviously directed at Meredith who was standing next to her.

"Lyss I'll understand if....."

"No, you might, but I won't. Your my godmother. I have watched your struggle with failed love life and heard about the part before I was born. Married to my father, was caught cheating with Uncle Mark, stayed with Uncle Mark for a while, fought for my Dad back in Seattle, panties, divorce, Uncle Alex, pact with Uncle Mark, then L.A. From there you went from Kevin to that guy Wyatt, back to Kevin, some other guy, the heart guy Noah right, back to Kevin, Wyatt, then Kevin again. You are finally getting your happy ending, I want to be there for it."

"That's for the little recap there Lyss," Addison said dryly. Lyss giggled.

"I know your entire story there Aunt Addie."

"Meredith, Derek I will kill you for this," she muttered into the phone. Lyss giggled again.

"Oh you know you love me."

"That I do Lyss...... I will miss you."

"Me too..... god have I been saying that often."

"Oh Lyss...."

"I have to go, Clan of Shepherd women on the house phone, love you."

"Love you too Lyss, can I talk to your mom again?"

"Sure here, and wish me luck," she said with a giggle and handed the phone to Meredith.

"So..... dress size," Addie said.

"You know my size Addie," Meredith said.

"Not yours, Lyss's."

"Addie she won't....."

"I want her to be there as a bridesmaid, even if he isn't at the altar with us."

"You know her size, just minus about........ give her the size you would give a five year old with Lyss's height."

"Have no clue?"

"Unfortunately."

"Well I have to go, see you in about 3 weeks Mere."

"Bye Addie." She hung up and turned back to Naomi and Violet.

"So, three more dresses...." They knew exactly who he was talking about.

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Next chapter is the Shepherd's chapter. Elizabeth, Emma, Nancy, Kathleen, and Lyndsey's take on Lyss dying. That ought to be interesting ;)

A/N: This story didn't really go how I wanted it to but I am finally getting back on track. Slowly I am editing each chapter so I fixed the first and second already and I am working up from there. So please just stay with it. And it's not ending yet :) Well I don't even know how much longer it will go on. It will be about three or four more chapter until the wedding, the wedding will be two parts, then afterwards......... And even after I end it I will still edit some of the chapter I am unhappy with if I don't get to them.

Thanks! I got reviews for my last chapter like I asked! You guys rock! Thank you for staying with my story.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	66. Chapter 66: Shepherd's

****

Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer ;)

****

Lyss is dying, how will the stubborn east coast Shepherd's handle it? Will they be angry, sad, confused? What about the cousins, especially Lily and Joey? Sorry it took long for me to update, I had a major writer's block but it is all better now. Hope you enjoy the chapter, it's gonna be sad and then happy. This is the last chapter of Lyss's first day home. Then it will get into her trying to live her life to the fullest before it ends.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Elizabeth, Nancy, Kathleen, and Emma sat in Elizabeth's kitchen. Every week they did this, to catch up, to discuss their problems, and play a game of cards. And drink.

"Where is she?" Nancy asked impatiently.

"You know Lynds, not the youngest but always the most dramatic, probably a hang nail or something," Emma giggled sipping her wine.

"Hey, hey, hey, I raised that daughter you are talking about," Elizabeth said.

"You raised us all Mom," Kathleen pointed out.

"Don't remind me, what did I ever do to deserve devil kids like Derek and you Kath," Elizabeth joked. Kathleen frowned.

"Kath, she's right. You two were only one year apart," Nancy said smiling. "You were always getting in trouble from when you were 3 to right about now."

"At least I didn't move across the country running away from his marriage, meet a younger woman, go back to the marriage, go back to the younger woman, have kids with her, and never call us to tell us about the one who was diagnosed with cancer less than a year ago," she grumbled.

"Okay," Elizabeth started. "For one, you all love Meredith a lot more then you did Addie, except for you Nance, but you still love Mer."

"That's true," Nancy said.

"And two, they called us two weeks ago."

"Mom, I know I am like the only daughter of yours to become a surgeon and you were never any form of doctor, but all of us here know how easily cancer can go from controlled to terminal, while Lyss's wasn't controlled in the first place," Emma pointed out. That's when the door bell rang.

"Finally," Nancy said getting up and opening the door. "Took ya long enough."

"Sorry," Lyndsey said. "Joey has a fever and didn't want me to leave. But he was sleeping and John had everything under control."

"Okay, well then lets begin," Elizabeth said dealing out the cards as Lynds sat down next to Emma.

"What I miss?" she asked.

"Oh we are talking about how stupid our brother is and how easily Lyss could...." Nancy said.

"Is she still depressed, you know after the whole car crash, boyfriend dying, induction chemo thing?" Lynds asked.

"I don't know, we would know if our dang brother ever called us with an update," Kathleen grumbled.

"Give Derek a break girls, he has seven kids and one has cancer, both he and Meredith must be......" She was interrupted by the phone ringing. She went over and picked it up. "Looks like he heard you." Elizabeth laughed.

"Oh thank god, he's alive, put him on speaker," Kathleen joked. Elizabeth pressed the button and sat back down.

"Hello, Derek?" Elizabeth said.

"Hey Mom," Derek said dully.

"Hi Derek," the girls chorused.

"Oh good, you girls are there too," he said. "I hoped you would be."

"Derek, somethings wrong," Nancy said.

"What?" Lyndsey asked.

"How do you know?" Derek asked.

"Someone's crying in the background baby brother," Kathleen said.

"Nothing ever slips past you guys does it," Derek murmured sadly.

"Now I know somethings wrong," Emma concluded.

"What is it Derek?" Elizabeth asked. Derek sighed.

"She's..... Lyss..... Lyss is giving up," Derek said his voice quiet.

"WHAT?" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" Lyndsey asked.

"She's refusing treatment," Derek said dully.

"Was she in..." Nancy started.

"No."

"Was there...." Emma started.

"No."

"What about our...." Kathleen asked.

"Only Addie's and mine were anywhere close, and it was only 3/5's, not good enough."

"Oh my god Derek," Elizabeth said tears running down her face.

"She is gonna die," Kathleen stated.

"Yeah," Derek said his voice wavering.

"I... we are so so so sorry Derek," Emma exclaimed.

"Me too," he said obvious he was crying or is crying.

"Daddy, who are you talking to?" they heard a voice in the background say.

"Is that Lyss," Elizabeth asked enthusiastically.

"Yes," he said to them. "Lyss I am talking to Nana and your Aunt's."

"Oh.... can I talk to them, that is, if you told them?" she asked. Everyone's eyes blazed happily.

"Yes Derek, let her?" Emma said into the phone.

"Okay, here you go Lyss," he said.

"Hello," she said weakly into the phone.

"Hey Lyss," Elizabeth said. The rest repeated.

"Oh no," Lyss said.

"What?" Nancy questioned.

"You all have the voice," Lyss stated sadly.

"What voice?" Kathleen asked.

"The 'I'm so sorry your dying' voice and the 'I can't believe you are giving up' voice. I have been hearing it all day.... well actually more two nights ago when I made the decision. And I am getting sick of it," Lyss said frowning.

"Lyss," Emma said.

"No, I get it. I can't believe I am giving up either. Like you know after all the fighting, the tears, the pain. I actually thought I was gonna beat this thing. I believed I was in remission until the point when I looked up and saw the tears in everyone's eyes after my last check-up. You think it's hard for you just imagine...." Lyss said dully.

"Oh Lyss, it's okay. It will be okay," Lyndsey said.

"And that's probably another thing she has been hearing all day," Emma stated.

"Your right Aunt Emma," Lyss giggled weakly.

"So how are you feeling sweetie?" Nancy asked.

"Pretty good, I guess. Like if I didn't have all of you supporting me, I wouldn't get through it but, I actually think I am ready. Well almost. Kels, Jake, and Noah found out today. I explained it to Noah, he is not really sure what's happening, but I didn't just say I was dying, I said I was taking a little trip that I probably won't ever come back from," she explained sadly.

"Oh sweetie," Kathleen said.

"What about Jake and Kels?" Elizabeth asked.

"Jake, well he's taking it pretty hard but is staying strong, you know I am his older sister, well the closest one to him anyway, like he among everyone else thought I would win," Lyss said.

"You didn't answer about Kels," Emma urged. Lyss took a deep breath and instead of the strong voice she had, it was small and quiet.

"She blames me, she is so upset, she..... she is in her room, she refuses to talk to us. She blames me." Tears started running down her face.

"Lyss she is 9, she was just told her older sister was going to die. It's not an easy thing," Kathleen told her gently.

"But she yelled at me," she said in a small voice.

"She is confused and scared, it's not your fault," Nancy tried to calm her.

"You have no control of what is going to happen," Lyndsey said.

"But I could have fought harder, it's just when they said clinical trial, it reminded me of Chase. And it took me almost a month with Dr. Hoffman just to stop referencing everything I did with him. But a complication to a clinical trial was how Chase died, and then I just thought how he didn't want to die in a hospital and I was so upset that he did. And then I realized I didn't want to either, and I pushed him to do the clinical trial and...... and now Kels is so mad, Jake is so upset, Noah is confused, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige are so quiet, and my parents, my parents, they are hysterical. I just think that I should have tried the clinical trial, maybe it would have worked or..." she started crying softly.

"Lyss don't cry, you made the decision, you wanted it so much, you can't have second thoughts, now you can be happy and live your life before you go instead of being upset in the hospital, still always hooked up to machines. You know you don't want that, we know you don't want that, your parents know you don't want that, your siblings know you don't want that, you entire family knows. We wouldn't want you to be unhappy because we all love you. We always will no matter what happens," Kathleen said. Lyss giggled.

"Now I can just imagine your shrink face right now Aunt Kathleen," she joked. The girls started laughing while Kathleen just frowned.

"You have been hanging around your father too much for your own good," she grumbled.

"Oh no, it's not only him who makes the jokes, my Mom does, Aunt Nancy does, oh, my Aunt Cristina does, and my Aunt Izzie. Well more then them all combined, Uncle Mark," Lyss explained giggling. The girls on the other line laughed too.

"Okay well Mark, and Cristina I can understand but Izzie?" Kathleen said finally in the mood.

"Well it's mostly just to get us to laugh when something is like really sad. Plus, by my dad marrying my Mom they brought all of them into our already gigantic family," Lyss said still giggling. "So technically she has a right to mock." Kathleen shook her head.

"Whatever," she said. Lyss sighed.

"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked.

"Will I get to see you all before....." Lyss asked.

"Of course!" Emma exclaimed.

"You know I still consider Addison a daughter even though she is no longer married to your father, there is no way we are missing her happy ending that it took her long enough to find. We will be at the wedding," Elizabeth said.

"Wait but Lyss are you....." Lyndsey asked.

"Trust me, I have already spoke to Aunt Addie and we have already convinced my Mom to let us go, we are just that good," Lyss said smiling slightly.

"You are?" Nancy asked laughing.

"Yes I am...... and I guess that makes me feel a little better," Lyss said sadly.

"Oh honey," Elizabeth said.

"Well I want to try and get Kels to talk to me now," Lyss said.

"Of course Lyss," Nancy said.

"Goodbye sweetheart, good luck with Kels," Elizabeth sympathized.

"Bye Lyss," everyone else said.

"Bye, I love you," Lyss said tears still running down her face.

"We love you too," Emma answered for all of them. Then the line went dead. There was an uncomfortable silence among the girls.

"Wow," Kathleen breathed.

"I can't..." Nancy started.

"Believe it," Emma finished.

"Lyss," Lyndsey choked out.

"Our Lyss..... dying," Elizabeth said tears in her eyes.

"She is... I never expected, crap," Nancy exclaimed.

"You know what I always realized about Lyss?" Kathleen asked.

"What?" Emma said.

"She was able to wrap us around her finger the first day we met her, how she was so different from all her siblings," Kathleen stated.

"I know," Lyndsey said. "She was always so strong, vibrant, crazy." They laughed briefly.

"I can't imagine her not..... not being there on Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, never turning 15," Emma sighed.

"Never on the stage again, dancing, acting, singing," Elizabeth said.

"She is amazing up there," Nancy smiled.

"Remember her first recital we saw?" Kathleen said.

_"Which number is she Derek?" Emma asked Derek picking up her program and looking at it._

_"Number 5, number 16, and number 34," he answered._

_"For?" Nancy asked._

_"Tap, ballet, and then jazz," Meredith answered._

_"What number is this?" Lyndsey asked looking at the kids dancing on the stage._

_"Four," Meredith and Derek said at the same time._

_"So next one...." Emma started._

_"Yes, she is in the front so just look out for her," Meredith interrupted. _

_They quieted down and turned their attention to the stage. The curtains closed and 20 seconds later reopened. Seven year-old Lyss was in the front like Derek said. As the music started it was easy to just get lost in it. The graceful movements, the perfect line changes, all of which Lyss did. This was the first time Elizabeth, Emma, Kathleen, Nancy, and Lyndsey saw Lyss dance, they were in awe. As the song finished and all the girls stopped dancing and landed in a pose._

_Immediately everyone from the 'Shepherd section' was on their feet cheering Lyss's name. Lyss looked directly at them and smiled before the curtains closed._

_"That was amazing," Emma said._

_"They are only seven Em," Derek said laughing._

_"I know, that's why it's amazing, they.... Lyss was amazing," she said nudging him._

"She always blew us away. And like you said Kath, she is a lot different then her siblings," Elizabeth said.

"She was can pretty much share a special bond with anyone she meets," Emma agreed.

"It's amazing," Nancy said.

"She's amazing," Kathleen said smiling. The girls kept talking but Elizabeth was thinking about the time when she finally created the blond with Lyss. Since Lyss was so stubborn like her Mom she was just like Meredith and took a couple years to warm-up to her. Three years to be exact.

_It was Elizabeth's first time alone with Lyss. She does this with all her grandchildren but never did she have as much trouble that she had with Lyss. As soon as Derek and Meredith had dropped her off she fell silent. She ate her dinner silently and went to bed barely saying good night. That night she called Meredith and Derek._

_"Hey Mom," Derek said into the phone._

_"Hey Derek," Elizabeth said sighing._

_"What's wrong?" Meredith asked, it was obvious she was on speaker._

_"Is Lyss quiet around the house," she asked._

_"No, she is always bouncing around, why?" Meredith's tone was wary._

_"She is just, really quiet, barely spoke to me through dinner, while we watched TV, barely said goodnight to me tonight."_

_"Oh god," Derek said. "Mom I am sorry."_

_"Do you want us to come and get her?" Meredith asked._

_"No, I am gonna get through to her, I will call you tomorrow."_

_"Okay Mom, good luck, we can come and get her at any time," Derek said._

_"Sorry again," Meredith said._

_"She's only three, first time away from home and alone with me, it will work out." With that she hung the phone up and climbed into her bed after checking on Lyss once more. She was snoring and knocked out cold. Outside she heard the wind howling and rain pelting the house. With a sigh she closed her eyes and listened to the storm, finally she fell asleep._

_A few hours later thunder boomed and lightning flashed waking Elizabeth up. She sat up in her bed and listened closely. All of a sudden she heard someone sobbing quietly._

_"Lyss," she exclaimed and hopped out of bed and ran to the room her granddaughter was staying in. She found her huddled in the bed._

_"Nana," she cried out. Elizabeth ran over and hugged her tightly._

_"Shhh, Shhh, it's just a storm, it can't hurt you," she attempted to calm her down._

_"I want my Mommy and Daddy!" Lyss sobbed. Elizabeth bit her lip._

_"They can't come right now Lyss."_

_"Why?" Another wave of thunder sounded. Lyss jumped and buried her face in Elizabeth's chest._

_"Here, why don't we go into Nana's bed," Elizabeth said lifting Lyss up. She nodded and rested her head on her shoulder. She carried her slowly towards her room and set her down in bed._

_"I'm scared," Lyss whimpered._

_"Why don't I tell you a story?" Lyss's eyes lit up and nodded eagerly. Soon Lyss fell fast asleep on her shoulder. Smiling Elizabeth put her down on the pillow and fell asleep next to her._

"Mom, don't you agree," Nancy asked. "MOM!"

"What?" Elizabeth asked turning towards her.

"Were you even listening?" Kathleen asked.

"No, sorry," she said.

"We were just discussing the difference between her and her sisters still," Emma said sadly cradling the coffee cup in her hands.

"I think the difference was that she was so like Meredith," Elizabeth said.

"She looks like her, acts like her..... you're right," Lyndsey said.

"She is so stubborn, rambles almost as much as Mere, and never admits when she isn't fine," Nancy agreed, the girl laughed.

"Mom," Emma said suddenly.

"What Em?" she asked.

"Do you think Dad..... do you think he will be up there with her?" she asked timidly. The girls slowly lifted there head.

"Yeah," Elizabeth said smiling sadly. "I think he will."

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Will Meredith and Derek let Lyss do what she asked to do in the beginning of this long day? Can she go back to school, to dance, try to be normal before her time runs out?

A/N: This story didn't really go how I wanted it to but I am finally getting back on track. Slowly I am editing each chapter so I fixed the first and second already and I am working up from there. So please just stay with it. And it's not ending yet :) Well I don't even know how much longer it will go on. It will be about three or four more chapter until the wedding, the wedding will be two parts, then afterwards......... And even after I end it I will still edit some of the chapter I am unhappy with if I don't get to them.

Thanks! I got reviews for my last chapter like I asked! You guys rock! Thank you for staying with my story.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	67. Chapter 67: Return To Life

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

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One of Lyss's dying wishes are fulfilled. The school and her parents are allowing her to go back to school, at least for one day or for as long as she could handle it. When finally getting the taste of real middle school life will Lyss learn something about herself? Her parents? Hayley? Paige? How much did she really miss when she was laying in bed or the hospital? How much was she oblivious to when she was actually healthy?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Meredith walked slowly up to her daughter's room, she had just called the school. They were overjoyed that she could come back, but the one thing they didn't realize was that it was probably going to be the last time they ever saw her. When she opened the door she smiled slightly. Lyss was wrapped protectively around Kelsey. They had been like that since they had returned home last night.

Mere jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her back. She turned around and was welcomed by a kiss and deep blue eyes.

"Hey Mere," Derek said wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey," she murmured.

"You should probably wake them up Mere," Derek said.

"Let them be happy and comfortable for a little longer Der," Mere said sadly. Derek sighed.

"I am worried about Lyss returning to school today," Derek admitted.

"Oh Der, she will be fine. Chloe was expelled and goes to alternative school and Bryan is in juevy."

"But what about the others?"

"According to Hayley and Paige they were sort of the leaders. Chloe apparently resented Lyss for being with Bryan and that was why she was so cruel. The reason they were so mean to her last time was because she kind of quit what they considered a club. A club of goths." Mere shuddered. "And now their leaders are gone, she will be fine Der."

"That is what is worrying me Mere. Does she have any other friends besides Ava, Ali, Becca, Britt, Hannah, and Nikki?"

"She is very likable Der."

"Yeah but she met Bryan in the summer, that's when she started hanging out with all of them."

"It is over now Der. It will be fine, I promise."

"Okay."

"Are you going to come to Paige's game or Hayley's meet today?"

"I will miss Paige's game but she understands, I can see the one on Tuesday but I will probably get to see at least one of Hayley's races. Probably just the relay."

"Okay, what will we do with Lyss?"

"Maybe Izzie can get her, you know how much she has been bugging for time with her," Derek laughed. Mer smiled.

"You're right."

"Of course I am." Meredith smacked his chest playfully and leaned in to peck his lips. That's when Hayley and Paige's door opened. The two of the walked out and when they saw them rolled their eyes. Mere laughed as they walked downstairs to join Sophia.

"Our kids are pretty amazing aren't they," Derek laughed.

"They are," Mere concluded. She walked away from him and bent down beside Lyss and Kels touching both of their shoulder's gently. Their eyes fluttered open and they smiled. Derek looked around the room. What would they do with her room when she is gone? He didn't realize Mere was next to him again.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Love you too Mere." He turned to smile at both Kels and Lyss who were slowly getting up.

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Lyss was so excited, her parents were actually allowing her to go to school. When she woke up Kels was still in bed with her, they had to make it so hard for her didn't they. But she made the decision, she had to stick by it like Aunt Kathleen said, and make sure her Mom got to the wedding as she promised Aunt Addie.

Slowly she got up and Kels went into her own room. Lyss made her way to her closet, Meredith and Izzie had taken responsibility of getting rid of all the black clothes and replacing them with bright or neutral colors. If it had been a year ago Lyss would have been wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and her hair back in a ponytail, but it was completely different now.

It was then when Lyss realized that she completely missed middle school experience, the first month she had spent in school was nothing like what real school was like. Getting in trouble, detention, none of that was really real. Now Lyss was determined to at least get one day of normality. This time no throwing up, weakness, jerks, or going home early, just a normal day.

Lyss grabbed a blue and purple long sleeved shirt along with a pain of skinny jeans. All of which actually fit her or weren't as loose as some of the others. Her wig was sitting on her dresser and Lyss walked over and placed it on her head and smoothed it out perfectly. With a smile Lyss walked out of her room and down the stairs.

"Good morning Lyss," Derek welcomed her with a smile.

"Morning Daddy," Lyss said sitting down next to Sophia.

"Hey Lyss, you excited?" Sophia asked.

"Beyond, it's been about what..... 5 months," Lyss joked. Derek kissed her on the forehead before setting a large plate of pancakes in the middle of the table. Lyss grabbed a plate and hungrily put two pancakes on her plate. She turned around as Hayley and Paige were packing their bags for basketball and swimming.

"Hey, Paige, Hayley, what are you packing for?" Lyss asked.

"Oh I have a basketball game today," Paige answered.

"And I have a swim meet," Hayley said. Lyss cocked her head.

"Basketball, Swimming?" Lyss questioned.

"I told you Lyss, last night. We have a lot more sports that we do now," Kelsey said nudging her.

"I can see that," Lyss said and then turned to look at Meredith and Derek. "Can I go?"

"Lyss, I am not sure, will you be able to....." Meredith started to question but Lyss cut her off.

"Yes I will, I want to watch them Mommy," Lyss countered.

"Okay well Paige's game is right after school and Hayley's meet is at 5. How will you get there?" Derek asked.

"I will go right after school, I know where the gym is Daddy.... I think," Lyss said sadly as her gaze dropped.

"Lyss I can meet you at your locker after 11th period and get you seated before I get changed," Paige said.

"Yeah and I will be there too Lyss for Paige's game and Hayley's meet, you'll be fine," Meredith reassured her. Lyss nodded and continued to eat in silence her good mood somewhat squashed. She said goodbye to Sophia as she left but still looked down. When she finished her breakfast she looked up again.

"Are you driving me or am I _allowed_ to take the bus?" Lyss asked putting emphasis on the allowed.

"I don't know, what do you think Mere?" Derek said.

"I think it's fine as long as you either sit with Ali, Hayley or Paige," Meredith told her. Lyss smiled brightly but it wavered for a second.

"I know I might not, well we're not sure if I will, you know make it to the end of the year but I did all of the work I was given and it would be a shame to let it go to waste, do you think I should hand in the last pile?" Lyss asked her parents referring to the stack of papers that still lay on the kitchen counter. Even throughout her month and a half in the hospital Lyss had been able to do most of the work teachers have been giving Hayley and Paige. They had brought some of the work back in but there was still a few left.

"It wouldn't hurt, and you never know Lyss," Meredith said with a weak smile. Her voice was weak and it was obvious that it was hard for her to find the right words to say to her daughter. Lyss smiled and walked over to the pile of papers and stuffed them in her bag. But then the obvious question was, how long was Lyss gonna live for? Did she have days, weeks, months? It scares all of them not knowing when she will be gone. That's when the bus beeped from outside. Lyss smiled.

"Time to go," Hayley said to Lyss while grabbing her bags. Lyss grabbed her own and walked towards the door where she was greeted by Meredith and Derek. They both hugged her tightly but Meredith wouldn't let go.

"Mommy," Lyss said and playfully wrenched away. "It's school, you'll see me later. Bye." With a smile Lyss followed Hayley and Paige out of the house and onto the bus, that is when the bus driver stopped her.

"Do you have a pass?" he asked. Lyss tilted her head.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Hayley, Paige, does your guest have permission to go on this bus," the bus driver called back to them. Hayley walked up to the front of the bus.

"She's not a guest, she is our sister," Hayley told him.

"How come she is just going on the bus now?" he asked.

"Well...." Lyss tried to explain.

"Oh you were the one who dressed in black and then stopped going, I know now, you can sit," he said nonchalantly.

"That was a long time ago," Lyss spat and turned around angrily. "I have cancer, that's why I wasn't on." The bus driver's eyes widened as Lyss continued to stalk back to her seat.

"Sorry Lyss," Paige said as Lyss sat across the aisle with Ali. "I didn't think he wouldn't recognize you."

"Whatever," Lyss muttered and looked out the window. "It's probably my last time on the bus anyway."

"You don't know Lyss," Ali said hopefully.

"Face it Al, I am gonna die, why not just let it come," Lyss hissed. Ali flinched away and blinked tears out of her eyes. Lyss looked over and her gaze softened.

"Sorry Al, it's just..... I am scared. You know I don't want to leave you all but staying around longer is just giving you all false hope. I promise I will stay as long as I can," Lyss told her.

"I know Lyss," Ali said wiping away the stray tears. Lyss sighed and rested her head on her best friends shoulder.

"Al," Lyss said when they were a few minutes from school.

"Yeah Lyss," Ali asked.

"Where is my locker?" she asked.

"It's in between mine and Han's, right outside our homeroom," Ali told her.

"Combination?" Lyss asked.

"I can go with you to the office, we are usually one of the first buses to arrive and have to wait in the cafeteria. I am sure that is what you were gonna do anyway," Ali said.

"Thanks Al," Lyss sighed and looked back out the window. They arrived at the school, Lyss and Ali headed to the office, and then to the locker. Lyss shook her head as they approached. Ava, Hannah, Becca, Britt, and Nikki were waiting in front of it. There was a big banner on it that read 'Welcome Back Lyss!' and things like 'We Missed You!' Lyss was surprised to see many other names signed underneath her friends. Many of the people she hadn't known as well, some she had been with in elementary school, but some she had only met when she started seventh grade.

"Guys, you didn't have to do this for me," Lyss said shaking her head again.

"We know, but we wanted to," Becca told her hugging her tightly. It reminded her of the dreaded call she had to make the other day. Ali had already known and started crying almost immediately after she told everyone. The others were silent and had rushed over to her house. The girls all went up to Lyss's room and talked for about four hours. It involved a lot of tears, hugs, but mostly laughs and memories. Things they wanted to remember. Of course Hannah being the optimistic one had pointed out that they could find a bone marrow donor before she died. It was the only chance of Lyss surviving and it was slim to none.

Lyss pulled out the slip of paper with her combo on it and opened her locker. Lyss frowned when she looked inside. Every book and binder was covered in dust but that wasn't what made her so upset. There was a picture of her and Bryan at the movies, at the shore, one of her and Chloe. There were also spare wrist bands which was her alternative for covering up her scars and pink and purple hair streaks. The most upsetting was the blade from a pencil sharpener hidden on the inside. She had used that to cut when she was at school. Ali, Hannah, Ava, Becca, Nikki, and Brittany gasped.

Immediately Lyss ripped the pictures down and silently started ripping them to shreds. She had all the books and binders she needed in her bag already so she continued. She grabbed the hair streaks and started ripping them as well. She would have kept going if Ava didn't raise her hand and touched her arm slightly. Lyss gasped and finally stopped. Grabbing all of the scraps, the wrist bands, and the blade Lyss walked into homeroom and threw them out in disgust. When it was finally done she looked up and smiled. She was back in school.

Lyss sat in her homeroom and talked with her homeroom teacher and others besides her friends. She carefully avoided any talk of her giving up. When announcements came on everyone fell silent but when they were done everyone began talking to Lyss again. They all thought she was better, but the thing is, she looked better. At least her face did.

She noticed the looks everyone was giving her, even her friends. She was so skinny. Only skin and bones, nothing else. She leaned over to her friends.

"You wouldn't let me look like an idiot, would you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Ava asked.

"Everyone's staring," Lyss said.

"They looked at you like that the last time too," Hannah pointed out.

"Not this bad," Lyss murmured.

"Honey," Britt laughed. "You're as skinny as a stick, they're jealous."

"Anorexic is more the word... and no one should be jealous of me," she sighed and got up as the bell rang. All her friends shared a quick glance and flanked her sides as they walked out of their homeroom.

She walked to her first period class easily getting back into the swing of things. She remembered that she used to go to the back stairwell with Bryan right about now and make-out. Now that Lyss actually thinks about it, it was disgusting. She walked into her class and was again bombarded with questions, and hugs, and more questions. She barely made it to the front of the class to give her teacher the work.

"Um.... I guess I should give this to you. I did all the work, it shouldn't go to waste," Lyss mumbled. Only her teachers and her friends new she was dying.

"Thanks Alyssa," he nodded, giving her a sad smile and turned to look at the completed work. "I'm glad you could make it back."

"I thought I'd see everyone, you know... one last time," Lyss shrugged and turned back to the desks.

"Hey Alyssa," a girl named Emily said. "You can sit next to me, we sit wherever we want now." Lyss looked over at Becca and Ava, there was a seat in between them. As Lyss walked towards the seat a boy named Andrew sat there. Lyss frowned and mouthed 'sorry' to Ava and Becca. Slowly Lyss walked over to the seat next to Emily.

"You know I never really noticed you before Alyssa. I think we can be great friends. I know we have known each other since kindergarten but never really talked but we probably have a lot in common," Emily babbled. Lyss tuned her out and looked over at Ava and Becca. Lyss made a face and they giggled. Emily was way too peppy for Lyss. It was clear that they couldn't be friends anyway if she knew her since kindergarten and still called her Alyssa not Lyss. The attention was then turned to Mr. G, he was talking about the Midwest or something like that. Lyss wasn't paying much attention. She was just looking around, watching the rain fall on the window pane, taking everything in she missed.

Most of her classes were like this. Unfortunately Emily was in most of them and whenever she sat down Emily was right next to her. And Emily had friends who sat next to her. In math Lyss looked over the heads of Kayla, Emily, Logan, Ella, and Cassidy at Hannah and Ali. They were glaring at her.

"So Alyssa are you going out for any spring sports?" Kayla asked.

"No," Lyss muttered coldly. They were really getting on her nerves.

"Why not?" Logan asked her.

"Because I have cancer and no bone mass from the large amounts of chemotherapy pumped into my body," Lyss mumbled.

"Oh okay," Emily said and continued talking. She mouthed 'sorry' to her friends and they nodded. She smiled when they understood and decided to make them laugh. The next thing she mouthed to them was 'help.' The two of them erupted with laughter before Miss Klicka started teaching. Next was lunch.

"We'll meet you at your locker Alyssa, you can eat lunch with us," Ella said. Lyss just smiled and walked up to her friends who were standing a little further off.

"Having fun?" Ali joked.

"I am being smothered," Lyss sighed. They laughed slightly.

"They only notice you because your sick," Ava pointed out.

"And that is what is annoying me now hurry..... before they come back," Lyss joked and hurried off to the cafeteria. She got in line and when they all got their food they were greeted by Emily.

"How come you didn't wait?" she asked.

"Um... Emily I wanted to sit with my friends," Lyss told her motioning to the girls surrounding her. Emily looked down but then looked back up smiling again.

"Okay see you in class!" she said and left. Lyss rolled her eyes as everyone laughed. They sat down, ate lunch, talked to Hayley and Paige who came to check on Lyss, and left. The rest of the school day was uneventful but still filled with smiles, laughs, and hugs. A lot of them from Emily. After 11th period Lyss waited at her locker.

"Lyss," Paige called down the hall. Lyss smiled and walked over Ali behind her. "I'll get you settled in the gym and then I have to go with the team, I'm the captain."

"Your the captain?" Lyss asked astonished.

"Yeah, so come on..... oh hey Al!" Paige said noticing Ali.

"Paige go to the locker room, I am coming to the game I will be with Lyss," Ali told her.

"Thanks Al," Paige said and hurried off. Lyss smiled and followed Ali through the crowded hallways when all of a sudden someone knocked into her and her wig went flying off. Lyss gasped as her bald head was exposed. Ali bent down and picked it up for her as they hurried out of the now silent and stunned hallway. Lys grabbed the wig from Ali and started smoothing it out.

"Just when I was feeling normal, like I didn't have cancer, like I wasn't gonna die, and like I didn't miss my entire middle school experience," Lyss ranted.

"On Lyss, it's okay. It's fine. Mostly everyone knows who have cancer, actually most people think you had cancer, they expect you to be bald," Ali told her.

"Thanks," Lyss said with a smile as they walked into the gym. They sat there for a few minutes talking and watched them warm-up. The game started and Lyss was amazed, she never saw Paige play any sport before. She was good as Lyss was at field hockey or dance. Within the first minute she had four points on the board. Lyss was so focused on the game she didn't realize Meredith had sat behind her with Noah. It was until she kissed her on the cheek that Lyss turned around.

"Hi Mommy," Lyss said smiling.

"Hi baby, how was your day?" Mere asked.

"It was great. I never really got to be a part of middle school, or you know have it be real. What I experienced 6 months ago was not middle school," Lyss told her excitedly.

"I am glad baby," Mere said stroking her face once and turning her attention to the game.

"Lyssa," Noah squealed.

"Hey Noah," Lyss said. He looked at her with his big blue eyes and motioned to her lap.

"Yes you can sit on my lap Noah," Lyss giggled as he hopped up. "God you're getting big."

"I already am a big boy Lyssa, I am four years old," he told her.

"You are?" Lyss asked jokingly.

"Yes," Noah concluded and folded his arms across his chest and tried to roll his eyes. Lyss laughed.

"You're getting there Noah," she told him kissing him on the cheek. She then payed attention to the game. After a few minutes Meredith leaned in to talk to Lyss.

"So you okay Lyss?" Mere asked.

"Yes," Lyss breathed. "I.... I never realized that Paige was so good." The score was 21-14 so far and Paige scored a majority of the points.

"She is really dedicated. She made varsity team last year too," Mere told Lyss.

"She did?" Lyss asked.

"Yeah, she brought the team to championships last year, and there is one more game left after this but Paige is the lead scorer," Mere said.

"Yeah, I have been to a few of her other games," Ali said from next to Lyss.

"Wow," Lyss breathed. It got her thinking, what else did she miss?

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Derek walked into the arena for the swimming pool. He was worried about Lyss. How had her day been? Had she been given a hard time? Was she feeling okay? Had it been too much for her? Derek was still worried up to the point she found Paige, Mere, Lyss, and Noah watching Hayley warm-up. Sophia was driving Kels and Jake over a little later.

He walked over and draped his arm over Mere and kissed her quickly on the cheek. Mere smiled as he leaned over to kiss Paige on the cheek, ruffled Noah's hair, and stroke Lyss's face. Lyss smiled and looked back at Hayley obviously deep in thought. Meredith looked at him as he sat in between her and Lyss. Meredith leaned her head on Derek's shoulder as they heard Sophia, Kels, and Jake start making their way through the crowd. They sat down and everyone's attention turned to the pool.

"In the 100 Butterfly for the Wildcats Hayley Shepherd........." They all started clapping loudly. They all watched in silence as the gun went off and Hayley and several other swimmers dove into the water. When it was finished Hayley placed 2nd. Everyone started clapping except Lyss who stared in amazement. Derek looked at her skeptically but shook it off. He didn't pay much attention to the races Hayley wasn't in but as it came to the 500 Freestyle everyone from their small group fell silent and watched yet again.

This time Hayley came in 1st and this time everyone including Lyss was on their feet cheering. Derek saw Lyss was smiling happily and she turned to look at him, and then Meredith. She smiled at each of them and sat back down until Hayley's relay team had finished 1st. Again everyone was on their feet.

"She is amazing," Lyss breathed.

"She is," Meredith said.

"I never knew," Lyss said shaking her head.

"It's okay," Derek said kissing her forehead as Sophia, Paige, Noah, Kels, and Jake went down to congratulate Hayley.

"No it's not Daddy," Lyss protested.

"You were sick Lyss," Meredith told her running her fingers through her wig.

"You're not about to tell me she just started this year and is so good already because I won't believe you, when did she start swimming?" Lyss asked.

"Four years ago," Meredith answered sadly.

"Four years," Lyss hissed under her breath. "What about Paige, when did she start basketball?"

"Three years ago," Derek told her quietly.

"Three years," Lyss said her voice cracking.

"Lyss it's not....."

"What about Jake, when did he ever start wrestling, when did he ever get all of those medals in his room. Or Sophia and volleyball and Kels with soccer, and..... and..... and..... I missed everything. I wasn't even sick back then," Lyss whimpered. Luckily most of the people had cleared off of the stands.

"Lyss..." Derek tried to reason.

"No, I am so selfish!" Lyss told them. "I almost destroyed our family just because I wanted attention. I was so focused on what I wanted I never realized what my siblings have become. How great they are...... how much they are like me......."

"That's it Lyss," Derek said wiping away her tears. "They started all of these things, they tried so hard to become great, because of you. Because we were always so proud of you."

"You made them who they are now Lyss," Mere told her running her fingers through her wig again.

"But..... you and Daddy," Lyss said finally realizing.

"What?" Mere asked.

"You gave up........ you have barely been in work the past few months. And you always look like your exhausted and dead but when you are watching Hayley or Paige you became like another person and..... I almost ruined that," Lyss said starting to cry again.

"Lyss that's long past us," Derek said hugging her tightly.

"But that is just it, even before that I had no clue. I had no clue about anything, I was distant and selfish....."

"Stop saying that, you aren't," Meredith said pushing some hair out of her face.

"I am," Lyss croaked. "I.... I was oblivious and I'm......"

"Lyss you're amazing, we love you, that's all that matters. You've seen them today, you supported them for the first time in months when you weren't able to. You're one of the most unselfish people in the world," Derek said. "And caring more about them then yourself, when you have cancer, that makes you even less..." Lyss nodded and rested her head on his chest her sobs muffled. Gently Derek lifted Lyss up and she rested her head on her shoulder.

"Love you," Lyss whispered as Derek carried her down to the kids. Lyss looked up and at Hayley.

"Hey Lyss," she says happily using a towel to dry her hair.

"Hayley, that was amazing!" Lyss said yawning.

"Thanks Lyss," Hayley said.

"I never knew how good all of you were at sports and..... I am sorry," Lyss told all of them.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Sophia said as Lyss put her head back down. Derek carried her to the car and they all went out to eat together. Lyss told everyone about her day at school and they all shared laughs about Emily, and lunch, and how much she realized she missed. Derek looked around at his family, smiling, enjoying themselves. This is how life was supposed to be.

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How long can Lyss keep this up? How long until she becomes terminal? How much longer does Lyss have on this earth? Will Noah find out what is really happening?

A/N: This story didn't really go how I wanted it to but I am finally getting back on track. Slowly I am editing each chapter so I fixed the first and second already and I am working up from there. So please just stay with it. And it's not ending yet :) Okay so there is one more chapter of Lyss doing the things she loves, 3 more chapters thrown into the wedding, the wedding two chapters, then...... so maybe about 14 chapters left :)

Thanks! I got reviews for my last chapter like I asked! You guys rock! Thank you for staying with my story.

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	68. Chapter 68: Family Cooking and Breakdown

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

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When Izzie, Lexie, and Cristina beg for a day with Lyss, Meredith takes Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah out for the day. Meanwhile Derek is at work and finds out some terrible news. What is it? Will Sophia, Hayley, and Paige finally break? Will Noah start to understand what is happening? How much will Lexie, Izzie, and Cristina torture Lyss?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Please Mer."

"I don't know?"

"Why?"

"Because....."

"Half-pint won't mind."

"We can bake!"

"And talk...." Mere rolled her eyes as she stood at the nurses station with Izzie, Cristina, and Lexie surrounding her anxiously. It has been about two weeks since they all found out Lyss was giving up. They all wanted desperately to spend time with her but Meredith or Derek haven't really left her side except for her last day of school. Then they compromised to have do it together, the three of them have a day.

Mere had no clue where Izzie was coming from though, she had been over her house everyday. Lexie and Cristina had been there at least twice. And all times each of them had at least a moment with Lyss. They just wanted more because it was slowly coming closer although they didn't know if she had days, weeks, or months left with them but as each day passed it was one day closer.

"Please Mer," Izzie begged.

"Fine," Mere muttered and picked up her patients chart. "Don't go torturing her though, that's the last thing she needs."

"Thanks!" Lexie called after her as she walked down the hall away from them.

"You two are way to peppy and cheery for me, me and half-pint are gonna go crazy tomorrow," Cristina muttered.

"I want to spend time with her, plus Lyss isn't as dark and twisty as you," Lexie countered. "Plus don't you want to hang out with her?"

"Yeah I want to spend time with my dying niece," Cristina muttered. "Plus the others will probably get jealous."

"They understand Cris," Izzie protested. "Plus it's not like we haven't spent a day with all of them before."

"Of course, Soph is my god-daughter but that's not the point," Cristina pointed out.

"So what Hayley is mine?" Izzie countered.

"And Paige is mine," Lexie added.

"The point is that Lyss is dying, you know she was always the outgoing, entertaining kid, yet dark and twisty at the same time," Cristina told them.

"We'll miss her when she is gone but I want to spend one last day with her before that time comes and it will be with you or without you," Izzie informed her.

"I never said I wasn't gonna go with you guys, it just means that I don't like the fact that it will probably be the last day we have with her, you know alone," Cristina said a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I know, but it will be fun!" Lexie piped up. Cristina rolled her eyes while Izzie laughed.

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"Not fun," Lyss muttered.

"Why?" Mere said with an amused look on her face the next morning.

"All they will do all day is look at me sadly and ask me how I am feeling," Lyss whined.

"No Lyss, they want to spend the day with you, no cancer talk, just girl time," Mere told her.

"I guess it will be fun, but what about everyone else?" Lyss asked.

"Spending the day with me while you father is at work," she told her as the doorbell rang.

"And the fun begins," Lyss muttered going upstairs to put her wig on. Her hair was only just beginning to grow back much to Lyss's excitement. But it was only a few strands of hair at the top of her head. Mere answered the door.

"Hey Mere," Izzie said excitedly.

"Where's Lyss?" Cristina asked.

"Putting her wig on," Meredith answered.

"It's just us, we are staying in the house all day," Lexie said. "_Maybe_"

"You know Lyss," Mere said.

"Yes we do, now go," Izzie said throwing Mere's coat to her.

"Let me say goodbye to Lyss," Meredith protested as Cristina was ushering Sophia, Paige, Hayley, Jake, Kelsey, and Noah out of the kitchen.

"You're not leaving forever, you'll see her when you get back," Izzie said finally pushing her out the door. They didn't hear Lyss coming down the stairs.

"You guys were desperate for time with me," she said with a smirk on her face. The three of them turned around with a smile.

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"What do you guys want to do?" Meredith asked as they all hopped into the car.

"Dunno?" Sophia mumbled taking shot gun.

"PARK!" Noah squealed.

"Noah," Kelsey groaned. "We are too old for the park."

"I wanna go to the park," he pouted.

"What about the mall?" Paige suggested.

"The mall," Jake protested. "And what do you want me and Noah to hold your bags?" Meredith laughed as Kels nudged him.

"Yepp," she said with a smile.

"Hey," Noah piped up.

"Anything we can agree on?" Meredith asked.

"We could go on the ferry?" Hayley suggested.

"It's too early, it will be way to cold, maybe later," Sophia said.

"What if we go to the mall, the park, and ride the ferry later after lunch?" Meredith compromised.

"Why not?" Paige shrugged.

"I guess that's fine," Kelsey said.

"For all of you, what about me?" Jake said.

"And where do you want to go?" Hayley asked.

"The batting cages," he replied with a sly smile.

"You are such a boy," Sophia sniggered, Jake frowned.

"PARK! PARK!" Noah squealed.

"We're going later Noah," Paige told him.

"Jake, what if we promise to spend at least an hour in the sports store?" Meredith asked him. A smile crept on his lips while the girls groaned. They were into sports but were more feminine then sporty.

"Girls we will spend the rest of the time in the stores," Meredith told them.

"And PARK!" Noah piped up.

"Yes and the park and the ferry, we are all happy now right?" Mere asked.

"Where is Lyssa?" Noah asked.

"She is spending time with Aunt Izzie, Aunt Cristina, and Aunt Lexie before her............ trip," Paige explained saving herself at the last minute. She caught Meredith's eye in the rear view mirror.

"But I want her with us," Noah whined.

"But Noah, we can just imagine and laugh about how much we think they are torturing Lyss right now," Sophia told him. He started laughing and soon the whole car was.

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Derek knocked on the chief's office door. He was paged there a minute ago, it said it was urgent. Derek had no clue what was going on.

"Come in," Richard said from within.

"Hey Richard, you..... uh..... needed to see me," Derek said walking in.

"Oh Derek it's you, sit down," he said.

"What is this about Richard?" Derek asked.

"First I wanted to ask about Lyss, how is she?" he asked.

"As well as expected," Derek sighed. "There are times when she just looks so healthy and I almost believe she is. She is trying so hard you know, to look it. But then there are times when she can hardly stand because her hip hurts to much or she gets a dizzy spell."

"If we think it is hard, just imagine what she is feeling?" Richard asked.

"I know," Derek said and looked up at the chief. His eyes refused to meet his while his hand ran over his beard. "Richard, you said this was urgent. And I know we didn't just come here to talk about my daughter."

"Derek," Richard sighed and looked up. "The thing is, and I know this is something impossible to ask, but it's for the hospital and I really need it and....."

"You're not making any sense Richard," Derek said narrowing his eyes.

"There's a conference in New York....." Derek's eyes widened and he stood up abruptly.

"No," he growled.

"Derek," Richard protested.

"No," he repeated.

"Derek you don't have a choice, the hospital needs you to go," Richard pleaded.

"And my family needs me with them. Meredith needs me. Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah needs me. Lyss needs me," Derek said beginning to pace back and forth in the room angrily.

"Derek, I have already booked your flight, you leave tomorrow night," Richard sighed.

"No," Derek told him.

"Derek if I could prevent this I would but it's important, it's only for a week, please, for me. I know you don't want to be away from Lyss, from your family. I know this is the time they need you most but it's only for a week. You will be back to them before you know it and Addie's wedding is coming up," Richard reasoned. Derek looked at him, defeated.

"Fine," he muttered and stormed out of the office, slamming the door shut.

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"Come on Lyss, are you gonna mope all day?" Izzie pestered.

"I am tired Aunt Izzie," Lyss pouted.

"Where is the alcohol?" Cristina asked grumpily. Lyss giggled as Izzie rolled her eyes.

"Aunt Cristina," Lyss laughed.

"What half-pint, this will be torture for all of us if I don't have any alcohol, where is your mom's tequila? I know she has some," Cristina said.

"One, me and Lexie want this, it's just you and Lyss who are being grumpy," Izzie informed her.

"I'll go find it myself, she used to keep it in the laundry basket when we were residents so......" Cristina started.

"Oh um..... that stash has been gone for a while," Lyss said sheepishly.

"What?" Cristina asked.

"For about 7 months," Lyss told them. A picture of Lyss is black clothing, chains, and spikes flashed through their minds.

"Lyss you were only 13 back then," Lexie gasped.

"Can we not talk about that please," Lyss begged.

"Fine," Cristina said getting up in search of alcohol. Lyss rolled her eyes and laughed but a few seconds later her frown was back.

"But Lyss," Lexie asked. "What is seriously your problem?" A shadow crossed over Lyss's face and she turned her face away. Izzie sat down next to her at the same time Cristina was returning from the basement.

"I'm dying that's what," she whispered, tears welling up.

"Lyss...." Cristina said putting the bottle she held in her hand down.

"Well you know, that's what is gonna happen. We better all face it. I refused treatment now I die. I just have to wait for it. And what scares me is I don't know what to do. People die everyday. You all watch people die. Ellis died a long time ago. The grandfather I never knew died. Lucy died. Chase died. But you never think it's gonna be you. But it doesn't really matter what you think because it's gonna happen whether you like it or not. And when it is you all you can think about is what it will feel like. Will it hurt? Will I feel any different? Will I know what's happening? How much worse am I gonna get before it happens? How long? That's what scares me the most, I don't know how much longer I have on earth. How much longer I have to stay with my family. And you all think that that day when I said no it was like I said 'okay enough of this shit' randomly. I have been thinking about it since the first time I went into isolation. The first time that I realized it was the port that was allowing the infection to come in my body in the first place. When I realized that you can't even tell that I cut because my arms are so scarred from I.V's and needles, and tests," Lyss said quietly. The tears were now spilling over.

"And I keep thinking about what I am doing to my parents. You have seen them. They are like ghosts. They float in and out silently. They have permanent circles under their eyes. They are scared. They don't know I know they are there but at night, sometimes as late as three in the morning they sit and watch me breath. Watch me sleep. Try and get all the time they can with me before I die. It scares me. Thinking about when I am gone how they will survive. How will they go on? It's not like I am their only child, they have Sophia, and Hayley, and Paige, and Jake, and Kels, and Noah to take care of and if they are grieving how can they?" Lyss's tears were showing no sign of stopping any time soon but the words kept spilling out.

"And the thing that scares me the most is I am alone. I can't do this with anyone. No one can come with me, hold my hand. Tell me it will be okay because it won't. I am dying unless some miracle happens and a bone marrow donor shows up. I have to do it alone. And will I even know what to do? I have never been in this kind of situation before. I have never been in this much pain. And no matter how much I try and deny it, try and hide it, I am in so much pain. After chemo I at least had an escape, I was able to float in and out of my own little world but now I am wide awake. Sleep doesn't come until about two hours after I close my eyes. And it doesn't matter how many people have died before me, done it before me, this time it is me, and I am all alone...... And I am scared." Lyss couldn't speak anymore. By now she was sobbing uncontrollably. Her whole body was doing it. Lexie and Cristina sat with wide open eyes as Izzie held Lyss, or more like heaved.

"Lyss Shhh," Izzie soothed but it took about 10 minutes for her to calm down.

"What do you think?" she whispered. "Will it hurt? Will I know what to do? Will I even know what I am doing?"

"I think you will have a sense of it Lyss," Izzie told her as she got up and wiped her tears away.

"It's now that hurts," Lyss whispered. Everyone nodded. "So," Lyss said with a weak smile. "What did you have in mind when you spoke of fun?"

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"PARK! PARK!" Noah squealed as they got back into the car. Meredith, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, and Kels's arm were laden with bags as they put them in the trunk. "Hurry up, Park! Park!"

"They're girls Noah," Jake grumbled as he helped his little brother into his car seat. "They shop 'till they drop and take forever doing it."

"Hey some of this stuff is yours," Sophia countered.

"So I wouldn't be talking little brother," Hayley laughed.

"Mine is not clothes, it's stuff I actually need," he told them as they opened the doors and began climbing in.

"You need more baseballs, tennis balls, and Big Chew bubble gum?" Kels asked. He nudged her gently as she climbed over him to get to the back.

"Shut up," he spat playfully.

"PARK! PARK!" Noah squealed again.

"Yes Noah, park," Mere told him. "But only for a little bit, it is gonna rain soon, it's getting cold out and we are gonna ride the ferry as well." Noah just smiled a big smile. Sophia shook her head and they all laughed. By the time they got to the park the sky had an overcast.

"Sorry Noah," Mere said. "It's gonna rain." Noah pouted.

"But Mommy," he whined.

"Noah Richard, no whining. We can still go on the ferry though, you like the ferry don't you?" she asked. His smile brightened and he nodded. Meredith turned around and began driving towards the ferry. The ferry was always so peaceful, just what Meredith needed. She had spent an entire day without thinking of Lyss dying but now she just needed a release. They all got on and Meredith stood near the edge. Jake, Kelsey, and Noah were underneath the overhang laughing but it took Meredith a little while to realize that next to her stood her three eldest daughters.

"Mom?" Sophia finally asked.

"What Phia?" Mere said.

"Do you..... do you think Lyss made the right choice?" The question took Mere by surprise.

"Phia........." Mere started. "Lyss made the right choice for Lyss. That is my main concern. Making sure your sister is happy. No matter how hard it is to except what is gonna happen. She is my daughter and I have to respect her decision, just like I would if any of you made the same choice." Her voice was tight and full of emotion.

"Do you think I'd make that choice, or any of us," Paige whispered.

"If you went through all that your sister did, I think you might," Meredith sighed. "As a doctor, I know chemo is the only treatment besides surgery for cancer, so I know it's necessary. But I don't know what it's like, to feel the chemicals burn through your skin, to feel tired all the time, to lose my hair... only Lyss and other cancer patients do. We have never known that kind of pain, but if we had, I don't think the decision to be free of it and die would be as difficult as it seems." The girls sat in silence, digesting everything Mer said.

"Do you think she will be alright?" Hayley asked suddenly. "She'll be all alone." A lump grew in Meredith's throat.

"She won't have anyone Mom," Paige added fearfully.

"She won't be alone," Mere said finally. They all looked up at her. "She will have Chase, and Lucy, and..... my Mom, and your Dad's dad and, she won't be alone." Meredith started to cry softly. They were silent for a little bit, Noah, Kels, and Jake oblivious.

"Mommy, I am gonna miss her," Paige blurted out and started crying as well.

"Come here," Meredith said softly and opened her arms to take her into a tight embrace. Paige started sobbing into her chest and soon all four of them were doing it.

"She won't really be gone," Sophia stated finally.

"She's right, Lyss will always be with us," Meredith said. "And she is not gone yet."

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"Who knew cooking could be this much fun?" Lyss laughed as she looked around her messy kitchen.

"You never actually cooked Lyss," Izzie pointed out. "All you ever did was burn cookies." Lyss stuck her tongue out her and Izzie returned the gesture. They had made homemade ravioli's. Well mostly Izzie did, but Lyss had rolled out the dough while Cristina and Lexie did random things in between. They were just waiting for everyone to come home to put them in the boiling water. Meanwhile a pie Lexie insisted on making was baking in the oven.

When Cristina wasn't looking a smile grew on Lyss's face. She winked at Lexie and picked up a handful of flour.

"Hey Aunt Cristina," Lyss teased. She turned around and almost immediately Lyss flicked it in her face. She gasped.

"HALF-PINT!" she screeched. Lyss squealed and ran around to the other side of the island and ducked behind Izzie.

"Oh no you don't," Izzie laughed. "You got yourself into this one."

"Thanks a lot Aunt Izzie," Lyss pouted. Cristina was coming at her with an egg in hand. Izzie moved behind Lyss. As Cristina threw it Lyss ducked and it hit Izzie square in the chest. Lyss collapsed on the floor laughing. Izzie glared at her and grabbed an egg. She cracked it on the table and opened it right over top of Lyss.

"You think it's so funny," she countered as Lyss hopped up and looked at Lexie.

"Hey Aunt Lexie, give me a hug," she said with a smile. Meanwhile she had an egg behind her back. Lexie stood up but Lyss was too fast.

"Oh Lyss, you are so....." Lexie broke off as she heard Lyss smash the egg over her head.

"LYSS!" she screamed. Lyss started giggling again and soon flour, egg, and dough was being thrown all over the kitchen. Lyss didn't even realize that her wig had been off the whole time. By the time it was done Lyss lay exhausted on the floor. She was hurting all over but didn't want to worry the, so she just relaxed.

"Ugh, I have so much gunk in my hair," Izzie said disgusted picking out a piece of dough.

"Same," Lexie said doing the same.

"I need to take a bath desperately," Cristina added.

"Hey, there is one good thing," Lyss said brightly.

"What?" Izzie groaned.

"I have no hair," Lyss giggled pointing to her head and got up beginning cleaning up the very messy kitchen.

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By the time Meredith returned home with everyone the kitchen was almost completely clean. The only thing left from their little food fight was the mess of their clothes and sticky hair. When Meredith walked into the kitchen and saw them all she burst out laughing.

"So you guys had fun today?" she asked. Lyss nodded and smiled widely.

"Yes, we actually did," Cristina admitted. "Of course it was the food fight......" she broke off when Izzie elbowed her in the ribs.

"We cleaned it up Mere," Izzie reassured. She shook her head.

"Well what did I expect, I left the four of you alone in the house," Mere laughed.

"Aunt Izzie, what did you do to your hair?" Noah asked. Everyone laughed.

"We were cooking Noah," Izzie told him as Lyss attempted to put him on her hip. The pain was excruciating but Noah was worth it. Izzie and a few others couldn't help but see the anguished expression that passed over her face quickly though.

"So you cook with your hair?" he asked tilting his head.

"She just got _really_ into the cooking Noah," Lyss explained putting him down because it was too much. "That's what Aunt Izzie does, she is crazy." Izzie nudged her and Lyss shook her head. "Now who is being the child." Lexie turned around and looked at the clock.

"Oh it's time to go, I promised George, Morgan, and the twins I would be home soon," she told them. Izzie and Cristina quickly agreed.

"But you guys made the food," Hayley questioned.

"Yeah Iz, you guys should eat it with us," Mere said as Izzie was walking out the door.

"You guys enjoy it, you deserve it," she said giving Lyss and quick hug and everyone else. Cristina and Lexie did the same and the family was left alone in the house again.

"Mommy, what time is Daddy coming home?" Lyss asked.

"He should be home soon Lyss," she said kissing her forehead and walking into the kitchen. Lyss smiled and walked to the couch followed by Noah, he was holding his arms out for her to pick him up but it would just be too painful.

"Here Noah, you can sit on my lap," she said sitting on the couch. She reached for the remote but Kelsey grabbed it before her. She stuck her tongue out at Lyss and Lyss just shook her head.

"Kels we better not watch......" as Lyss was saying this the theme song to the show that bugged her the most.

_You got the limo right out front... Ooh-Ah-Ooh  
Hottest styles everything shoe every color  
Now when your famous it can be kind of f-un  
It's really cool 'cause no one discovers....._

"..... Hannah Montana." Lyss groaned as Noah hopped off her lap and began fighting Kelsey for the remote. All of a sudden he turned back to Lyss.

"Lyssa?" he asked.

"Yeah buddy?"

"When are you going on your trip to heaven?" Kelsey gasped at his words.

"I am not sure buddy, right now I don't need to get better......" her voice faltered and shook a little. It became very quiet. "..... just yet. I am here to stay with you." He climbed happily onto her lap again.

"Good," he giggled. "But do you really have to go?"

"Yeah buddy, I do. I wish I didn't."

"Me either, I love you Lyssa."

"Love you too buddy." He climbed off her laugh again and wrestled with Kelsey for the remote. He got it easily because she was just staring at this, tears in her eyes. But Lyss had cried enough today. She got up as soon as Derek barged through the door.

"Hi Daddy," Lyss called. But he ignored her. He stomped up the stairs and slammed the door shut. Noah's lip started quivering as Lyss gasped.

"DEREK!" Meredith called up the steps coming out of the kitchen followed by Sophia and Paige. There was no answer. Noah had begun to cry.

"Kels, Jake, take Noah to the basement," Lyss asked them, they nodded confused. Meredith was about to walk upstairs when Lyss held her hand up. Faster then her Lyss beat her and climbed the stairs and walked towards the master bedroom. Timidly she knocked on the door.

"Daddy?" she called her voice wavering slightly. "Daddy, open up." He didn't answer again. She almost thought she heard him crying. "Daddy I am coming in." Warily she creaked open the door and peaked inside. There was a suitcase lying on the bed and he was stuffing his clothes into it angrily.

"DADDY!" she screeched. "Are..... are you leaving? Is..... is it because I gave up?" Tears sprung to her eyes. Derek's eyes widened and rushed over to her side.

"No Lyss baby I am not leaving," he said bending down beside her.

"But...... but why are you packing?" she asked tears running down her face, she backed off slightly.

"Lyss.... I...." he started but he heard another knock on the door. Meredith was standing their shocked. "Let's go downstairs, I have to tell everyone something." His voice was dull and lifeless, even more then it had been for the past two weeks. Lyss nodded and he picked her up gently because her feet wouldn't move. Meredith murmured something inaudible. Noah was brought back upstairs, Sophia served everyone dinner, Derek put Lyss in her seat, and sat down at the head of the table. No one touched their food, it was too serious.

"What is this all about Derek?" Mere asked.

"I..... I have to leave," Derek told them. Everyone was silent. "Chief is making me go to a conference in New York," he explained more fully.

"How long?" Mere asked.

"You're not mad?" he asked.

"You have to go Derek and....." Meredith started but Lyss interrupted.

"I will be fine Daddy," she told him grabbing his hand. He attempted to smile.

"How long?" Paige asked again.

"Just a week, my plane leaves tomorrow night," he said.

"Daddy, it's fine," Lyss said. "You'll be home soon, I am not going anywhere." Her voice was far from strong and convincing.

"Go Daddy," Sophia said.

"Like Lyss said Derek," Mere said. "She'll..... we'll be fine."

"I know," Derek whispered. "I know."

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How long can Lyss keep this up? How long until she becomes terminal? How much longer does Lyss have on this earth? Will Noah ever find out what is really happening? What will Derek do having to be away from his family at the conference?

A/N: Okay now there are three or four more chapters until the wedding. Then the wedding will take about three chapters. So....... maybe 13 chapters left :) And now that I think of it, I am actually not sure how much is left but count on at least 13.

Could I ask for 10 reviews this chapter :) THANKS!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	69. Chapter 69: Time

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

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Lyss gets some time to spend with her friends, but when Noah hides in her room and overhears that she is dying what will he do? How will he handle it? How will Lyss handle it? Will it make it even harder for Derek to leave his family, even though it is only for a week?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Lyss sat in her room and looked at her friends. They were all strangely distant. Mel, she was staring at the barre, lost in thought. She was biting her lip, so tightly a bit blood came out, it was obvious she didn't know what to say or was trying to stop herself from crying. Unfortunately her eyes betrayed her. Ava, she was staring at Lyss, no wig, just a scarf. Her face was straight, her eyes glazed. Her hands were pulling at Lyss's comforter anxiously and nervously.

Becca, she refused to look at Lyss at all. She was focusing on the TV, as if she didn't care. Lyss couldn't see her face but a few tears rolled down her face. Ali, Brittany, Hannah, and Nikki, they all had this stupid smile on their face and were looking right at Lyss, but not to her face. Their eyes either traveled down to the slightly bruised and foreign port still in her chest or all the scars on her arms. Pretty soon Lyss got sick of it.

"Okay can you all just stop it," she hissed harshly.

"What?" Ali asked.

"The way you are all looking at me. Or how about the way 5 out of the 7 of you are looking at me, because Mel and Becs aren't," Lyss growled. Becca and Melissa's head both slowly turned towards Lyss's.

"Lyss, you're our best friend, I believe we have a right to be worried or scared," Melissa answered for all of them.

"No, I have a right to be worried or scared. You are just watching, I have to go through it. You all just watched in the hospital when I was in and out of isolation, chemo pumping through my body. You didn't have to be hooked up to the machines! I know you guys visited me almost everyday when I was home, and at least once every few days when I was in the hospital, but you know how many visits I remember?" They shrugged. "The last one before I found out I wasn't in remission."

"You're right Lyss," Hannah said. "We have no clue what you are going through."

"And when you guys are just sitting around, not talking to be, staring through me like I am already gone, it makes it so hard for me. My hair has barely begun to grow back and you asked me to take off my scarf earlier," Lyss continued her rant.

"We're sorry," Becca said.

"And stop saying that," Lyss growled. "It's not like you gave me the cancer, it's not like you made me give up. It was all me. My body betraying me."

"Lyss, I'm so-........ We just don't know what to say," Nikki explained. Lyss looked up at them and smiled.

"I guess not," Lyss said. "I'm not even sure what to do. Like what if I mess it up? I am probably one of the only people in the world who could mess up dying." A silence dropped over the group.

"I know it's hard, but we all have to accept it," Lyss said. "I am going to die." The girls got tears in their eyes.

"We're gonna miss you," Ava said.

"Me too. I love you all, don't forget that," Lyss told them.

"We know Lyss," Hannah told her. The girls were about to hug when they heard a whimper from underneath Lyss's bed. Before they could check the bed shook and Noah stepped out.

"Lyssa, you're gonna die?" he asked tears running down his face.

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Noah Richard Shepherd is confused, yet again. His Dad had to go to New York and his sister was going on a trip she would never ever come back from. He didn't want them to leave. At least Derek would come back but once Lyss was gone, she was gone forever. Noah wants to spend as much time with his sister as possible but Lyss is always with her friends, talking, crying. Why was she crying?

Plus every time he wanted to ask about her trip everyone would get this look in their eyes. Like they would cry or yell or do something bad. Wasn't she gonna have fun on the trip. There were too many questions for the almost five year old so Noah decided to investigate.

Although his parents told him he shouldn't do it ever again, Noah decided he was gonna hide underneath Lyss's bed when her friends were over. He had done this before, just always got caught and yelled at. Mostly by Sophia, Hayley, and Paige. He had been able to do it silently, no one knew he was there. Noah was so proud of himself.

"Like what if I mess up? I am probably one of the only people in the world who could mess up dying," Noah heard Lyss say. _Dying?__ What about her trip?_

"I know it's hard, but we have to accept it. I am going to die," Noah heard Lyss say and heard all the girls begin to cry. Tears sprung to his eyes. Everyone lied to him. Lyss said she wasn't gonna die. Despite his efforts Noah let out a whimper and when the girls got silent again he knew he had to come out. By this time Noah was on the verge of sobbing. Crawling out from under Lyss's bed and he looked up at her innocently.

"Lyssa, your gonna die?" he asked. Lyss bent down beside him and held his shoulders.

"Noah, let me explain," she said.

"You said you we going on a trip," he cried. "You told a fib."

"I wasn't...." Lyss wasn't able to get it out. Noah had turned around and ran out of the room slamming the door behind him. "NOAH!" She turned back to her friends.

"It looks like it's time for us to go," Ali said. Lyss nodded her own tears forming again and walked downstairs, Noah had already ran down there. When Lyss looked he was in the kitchen, clutching Meredith tightly, sobbing into her shirt. The girls left quickly and Lyss ran into the kitchen.

"Noah, Noah, Shhh, buddy, calm down," Meredith soothed. Derek walked up to Lyss.

"Lyss, what happened?" he asked her as Lyss stared helplessly at Noah.

"Me.... me and my friends were talking. And.... and I said that I was gonna die, Noah was under my bed, he heard me," Lyss stuttered.

"Crap," Derek muttered. Lyss bent down beside Noah again.

"Noah, buddy, listen to me," she said but he continued crying. Lyss grabbed his hand but he snatched it back. Not giving up she picked him up and carried him off to the back room.

"Lyssa, you said you were going on a trip," he cried. "But you are dying. You lied to me."

"Noah......" Lyss began.

"I am gonna miss you," he sobbed.

"Noah, I didn't lie. I am going on a trip, that's what I am doing, that's all I am doing," she soothed.

"But you said....." he whimpered.

"I can't get better here, that's why I am leaving. So I won't be in pain anymore, that is all I meant," Lyss told him.

"You're in pain?" he asked his lip quivering.

"Noah, remember when I first got sick?" Lyss asked.

"Yeah, you were tired all the time. And you throwed up a whole lot, and I never ever saw you."

"Yeah well I was like that because of the chemo."

"I remember you telling me that. That's the way you had to get better."

"I had to do the chemo because the cancer in my body shouldn't be there. It made my hips and back and legs hurt really badly."

"But why are they hurting again?"

"You know how I was in the hospital for a long time?"

"Yeah."

"Well I was doing the chemo still, just for longer."

"Did it make you better."

"No Noah, it didn't."

"That's why you're in pain?"

"Yeah because there is nothing else to cure the cancer." She was trying to make it as simple as possible for him, without scaring him.

"So you will never ever ever get better?" Noah began to cry again.

"Not exactly."

"But..... but you can't do anything for it."

"That's why I am going away, so I can get better. So I won't be in pain. So I can be happy again." Lyss looked up and saw her parents standing in the doorway.

"But why, don't you love me and Mommy and Daddy and everyone enough to stay."

"I love you Noah, so much. But I don't have a choice. So I will never be the girl in the hospital again. Never be in pain or tired again. Don't you want that?" He nodded.

"I love you Lyssa." Lyss hugged him tightly. Meredith and Derek walk into the room.

"You okay now Noah?" Mere asked as she sat next to the on the couch.

"Yeah I am Mommy, Lyssa is only going on a trip," he said a little stronger. Lyss looked up at her parents, then outside, then back again. 'Park?' she mouthed. Derek nodded.

"Hey buddy, you want to go to the park after dinner?" Lyss asked. Noah squealed.

"PARK!" Lyss laughed as he jumped up and ran into the living room.

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She was being so brave. For Noah, for Derek, for Meredith, for Sophia, for Hayley, for Paige, or Jake, for Kels, and for herself. No matter how much pain she was in.

"Lyssa, Lyssa, come on," Noah squealed grabbing her arm and pulling her out the door. "PARK! PARK!" Lyss laughed.

"We need our coats Noah, it may be almost March but that still means winter," Lyss told him. March, no one could believe how long it took them to come to the next month. After her month and a half in the hospital, her month of pain. Time had slowed down and trapped Lyss in all her suffering. Now they could all go on with their lives.

"You guys sure you don't want to come?" Derek asked Sophia, Hayley, and Paige. Lyss looked up.

"We're sure," Hayley answered for all of them.

"Oh come on, Daddy is leaving tonight, don't you wanna spend time with him," Lyss begged.

"They don't have to come if they don't want to Lyss," Meredith said.

"So I am forced by a four year old to go to the park....." Lyss began.

"You came up with the idea sweetie," Derek told her.

"I know, to make Noah happy," Lyss countered.

"We'll meet you all at the airport to say goodbye, we are just going out to the mall for a little," Sophia promised.

"Didn't you guys like go to the mall _yesterday?_" Lyss asked.

"We wanted to pick up a few more things," Paige said. Lyss shook her head and grabbed her coat. Almost immediately Noah had begun pulling her arm out the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she laughed but stuck her head back in the door and said to her older sisters. "At least Kels and Jake are fun." With that she followed Noah. Her wig slipped a little but she didn't notice. Noah began hopping up and down as the family walked down to the park. Meredith and Derek were hand and hand admiring their daughter as she began playing with Noah.

"She doesn't really look sick, you know beside the fact for her wig," Meredith said.

"If I didn't know any better, I wouldn't think she has cancer," Derek said sadly sitting down on a bench. Jake was chasing Noah who recently threw sand in his face while Lyss was walking up to Kels hockey stick and ball in hand. Derek pointed and laughed. Meredith cupped his face.

"Derek, I know you have to go to the conference just...... come home soon," she whispered.

"I will Mere," he promised.

"Hey Kels," Lyss called, Kelsey turned around and Lyss tossed the field hockey ball to her lightly. Kelsey caught it and looked at Lyss confused.

"What?" she asked.

"I need someone to keep the field hockey legacy in the family, you are already dancing so I figure it had to be you. You look the most like me anyway," Lyss said. "Throw the ball down." Kelsey obeyed. With one powerful swing Lyss hit the ball with the stick and sent it flying clear across the grass.

"Wow," Kelsey breathed.

"That, is called a drive," Lyss explained but saw Kels's face. "Imagine how far I could hit it if I wasn't sick?" Kelsey didn't respond, she just jogged over to get the ball, when she returned Lyss started explaining.

"Okay well the object of the game is......" Lyss gave Kels full detail while teaching her how to dribble the ball. Soon Lyss had to stop because she was too sore, but of course she recovered miraculously when Noah came running over.

"Hey Lyssa," he said.

"Yeah buddy" Lyss asked bending down. Noah smiled a wide smile before reaching his hand up towards Lyss's wig and ripping it off her head. He then erupted into giggles a ran away. Lyss wasn't mad, but pretty shocked.

"Noah get back here!" she screeched and began running after him. Lyss chased him on the jungle gym and when he went down the slide, Lyss followed after him only to run into him when she fell out. Of course he got away and Lyss was on the chase yet again. Kels and Jake sat on the swings and laughed until their sadness took over. Other families who were at the park became very confused, one couple approached Meredith and Derek.

"Hi, is that your daughter and son?" one lady asked.

"Yes," Derek said with a small smile.

"May I ask....." the man began.

"Cancer," Meredith told them.

"Oh my, I am sorry," the woman said.

"If you would excuse us, my husband has to get to the airport," Meredith dismissed themselves. When her and Derek got further away Mere started to cry.

"Mere, Mere baby don't cry," Derek soothed.

"She seems so normal," Mere sobbed. "And then she takes her wig off."

"I know, Shhh, I know," Derek said hugging her tightly.

"And now you have to leave, and I know you have to but, I can't watch her die Der."

"Mere, Mere, I know. But baby, do you want Lyss to see you crying?" Mere looked up and then shook her head. Quickly her hands wiped away her tears and she forced her lips to stop quivering. Kelsey and Jake looked over and went up to them.

"For Lyss," she murmured. They all found Lyss and Noah snuggling on a bench further down, her wig finally back in place on her head.

"Hi Mommy, Hi Daddy, I think I tired him out for the night, and it's only 6 o'clock," Lyss laughed slightly.

"I'm not tired Lyssa," Noah protested yawning.

"Sure Noah," Derek said and picked him up.

"Derek, we have to go to the airport now, your plane leaves at 8:45," Mere told him.

"Okay," he sighed and started to walk back to the house. Mere helped Lyss up and the four of them followed Derek. When they arrived at the house Derek was already getting his suitcase in the car while Noah was in his car seat. Everyone got in the car, Derek last. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige weren't back yet. When they got to the airport Sophia, Hayley, and Paige were already waiting and they all checked Derek through baggage.

_"United flight 1729 to New York will begin boarding at gate 68A," said the loudspeaker._

Derek sighed and looked up.

"That's me," he said. He went to Meredith, wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her deeply on the lips. He picked up Noah and kissed him on the cheek and put him back down. Then Derek turned to Sophia, Hayley, Paige, and Kels in turn hugging them and kissing the all on the forehead. He also slipped his arm around Jake. Finally he turned to Lyss. She was being held up by Mere, tired and weak from her day with Noah. Lyss looked up and fell into his arms.

"Love you Daddy, come home soon," she said quietly. He hugged her tightly and a few tears slipping down each of their faces standing there for a minute or more.

"I love you too," he said and then lifted his head to his family. "I love you all." Lyss tried to let go but Derek wouldn't.

"Daddy," she said looking up. "Nothing is going to happen, I will be fine. I promise. All of us will........ I will still be here when you get back."

"I know," he said and let go. Derek gave Mere and Lyss one more kiss before grabbing his carry-ons and heading towards the gate. They watched him leave and waited for his plane to take off. By then Lyss was asleep in the chair. Mere picked up her fragile body and returned home. Gently she placed her in her bed, kissed her on the cheek, and went back downstairs to send everyone else to bed, it was a school day tomorrow. After they were all in bed Mere climbed in her bed and turned on the TV, not used to sleeping alone.

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How long can Lyss keep this up? How long until she becomes terminal (Okay she already is but when will she act like it)? How much longer does Lyss have on this earth? What will Derek do at the conference? How will Mer handle being away from Der at a time like this?

A/N: Okay now there are two more chapters until the wedding. Then the wedding will take about three chapters. So....... maybe 12 chapters left :) And now that I think of it, I am actually not sure how much is left but count on at least 12. Okay now there is gonna definitely be more then 12 but I don't feel like doing the math :)

I only got 9 reviews last chapter, could I ask for 10 reviews this one? :) THANKS!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	70. Chapter 70: Infections and Chaos

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Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

Okay somehow my chapter 71 was originally posted for this chapter so I deleted it and now it's fixed so ENJOY!

How will Derek handle being at the conference? Will Mere be okay with Lyss at home without Derek, especially when something terrible happens?

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"Hey Mom?" Sophia said getting up and grabbing her bag heading for the door. "Is Lyss going to school today?"

"No, two weeks ago was her last day," Mere explained sadly.

"That sucks," Sophia said simply and headed out the door to her car.

"It's so annoying," Hayley exclaimed as she left.

"What?" Mere asked.

"Everyone, and I mean everyone keep asking us if Lyss will be back in school," Hayley sighed.

"It's like no one besides us, the teachers, and Lyss's friends realize that she has cancer and we keep having to think of what is going to happen," Paige added.

"Don't worry Paigey," Noah said from his seat with a toothy grin. "Lyssa's just going on a trip, but she will be back eventually, just no for a really really long time." Mere gulped.

"Yeah Noah," Paige said sadly, stroking his face once and kissing him on the cheek. She walked away to get her bag. Noah looked up at everyone confused. Jake and Kelsey's head's were both down and were stirring their cereal, appetite's lost. Hayley and Paige were silently walking around getting their stuff together. Meredith on the other hand froze, her mouth open slightly. All the color drained from her face. Noah was pretty much true about everything but one thing. Lyss was never coming back when she left. No longer will they hear her laugh, see her smile, hold her close.

"Mommy," Noah said getting up and looking up at her with his innocent big blue eyes. "Why isn't Lyssa going to school?"

"Because....." She thought about it for a moment. "Because it's an adult thing Noah, you wouldn't understand." Meredith turned around with a sigh and walked to the kitchen. She leaned against the island and turned on the coffee pot. She would need it to get through this day. Hayley and Paige followed her in.

"Mom...." Hayley began.

"What?!" Mere snapped. When Hayley flinched and backed away her eyes softened. "Sorry Hayl it's just...."

"I know Mom," Hayley said looking down. Meredith stroked her cheek once.

"And with Dad gone, it can't be easy," Paige added.

"You girls and Sophia have been so strong with all of this I am very proud of you," Mere's eyes began to water. "But you better just leave me alone. I don't wanna snap at you again. I need time to think." Hayley and Paige nodded. Both leaned in to kiss her gently on the cheek before turning around and going back into the living room. Soon the only one left in the house with Mere was Noah. Around 8:45 she realized that she had to get him to preschool but Lyss hadn't woken up yet.

Quickly she ran up to her room afraid something was wrong, she had a feeling. But when she saw Lyss was sleeping soundly she decided against waking her. That's when she remembered Alex was home and she dialed his number.

"Hello," he said on the other line.

"Hey Alex," Mere said. "What time do you go into work?"

"Not until 9:30, why?" he asked.

"I have to drop Noah off at preschool and Lyss is asleep. She looks so peaceful I don't have the heart to wake her," Mere explained. "I was wondering if you could come over for a little. I won't be long. Just sit on the couch, you know, in case she wakes up."

"Sure Mere, be right there," he said and hung up. Closing Lyss's door she went downstairs.

"Noah, time for school," she called as the doorbell rang.

"Okay Mommy," he giggled and jumped up from the couch as Alex was walking in the door. "UNCLE ALEX!"

"Hey buddy," he said to Noah then turned to Mere.

"Thanks for doing this Alex," she said.

"Don't mention it Mere," Alex reassured her.

"She probably won't wake up but if she does try to make her eat. Food still makes her nauseous so something light," she told him.

"Got it Mere," Alex said as she closed the door. About twenty minutes later Mere came in. Alex was on the couch and got up.

"Hey Mere, she hasn't woken up yet," he told her.

"Okay, thanks Alex," she said giving him a quick hug.

"I went into check on her, she was sleeping pretty soundly, no snoring, it that...."

"She rarely snores anymore. She is probably wiped out from last night. When she had chemo it was the same way," Mere assured him.

"Okay, bye Mere. See you later," he sent and walked out the front door. Mere sighed. She walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee. Then she collapsed on the couch but didn't bother to turn on the TV. Mere looked down, cradling the coffee cup in her hand. She would have to wake up Lyss soon. That's when the reality set in.

Soon there would be no more Lyss.

_No more smile._

_No more laugh._

_No more actress or dancer on the stage._

_No more child who looks just like her._

_Why did she have to give up?_

_Why did she have to get cancer in the first place?_

Before Mere knew it she was asleep but as she woke she realized it was late. Mere checked the clock, 12:30. Lyss hadn't slept this long since 3 months ago when she started to get bad. Anxiously Mere ran up the stairs to her room. Lyss was in the same position she had left her in 4 hours ago, her chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. Mere was immediately by her side.

"Lyss, Lyss baby time to wake up," she whispered in her ear. Lyss only groaned so Mere tried again, "Lyss." This time she rubbed her back gently but snatched it back quickly, she was burning up.

"Mommy," Lyss mumbled her eyes struggling to open.

"Lyss are you feeling okay?" she asked. Lyss nodded her head and tried to get up. Immediately she fell back exhausted, her head spinning. Mere felt her head and smoothed her short blond hair back. "I don't think you are Lyss."

"Mommy, I am fine," she groaned. But Mere was already in the kitchen grabbing the thermometer. She gasped.

"Lyss, you are not okay. You have a 105 degree fever," she told her. Lyss murmured something incoherent. "Lyss I need to call Aunt Izzie and Aunt Miranda."

"No," she protested weakly. Mere quickly exited the room and came back with some Tylenol. She lifted her head gently and Lyss swallowed painfully and snuggled back into the warmth of the blankets, falling asleep moments later. Mere had already run downstairs an was frantically calling Izzie's cell. After three rings she picked up.

"Hello, Mere?"

"IZ! Lyss... has a fever....... 105..... what..... should I do?" Mere screamed into the phone.

"Mere, I can't understand you. Slow down and explain it to be again," Iz told her. Mere took a deep breath and began.

"Lyss must have caught an infection last night when she was outside with us. She has an 105 degree fever, should I bring her in?" she explained more slowly. Izzie was silent for a second.

"We can't do much Mere. Just give her a check-up, pain meds, or antibiotics. But I do believe it's for the best, bring her in," Izzie told her.

"Okay, I will be there soon," Mere said.

"Page me when you get here," with that, Izzie hung up. Meredith ran back upstairs and went to Lyss.

"Lyss, Lyss sweetie," she said in her ear. Just like before Lyss's eyes opened slowly. "I have to take you to the hospital."

"No Mommy," she whispered. Meredith didn't listen. She was already bending down and scooping her up in her arms. They went out to the car and mere put Lyss in the back seat. Quickly she ran back into the house, grabbed her keys, wrote a quick note for Sophia, grabbed her coat, and came back out. She hopped in the car and sped off towards the hospital. She wasn't paying much attention and ran a red light almost hitting a pedestrian. Then, at an intersection Meredith didn't realize that the light turned green until someone beeped from behind her. She was too focused on Lyss in the rear view mirror.

Before getting on the free way her luck ran out as she sped by a police officer. Seconds later as she got on the freeway, minutes from the hospital, sirens sounded from behind her. Lyss whimpered but didn't wake.

"Damnit," she hissed under her breath and pulled over. Then to Lyss she said, "Don't worry baby, we are almost there." She tapped her foot impatiently as the police officer took his sweet old time walking towards the car. He then bent down towards the window, glaring at mere through his sunglasses, completely ignoring Lyss.

"Ma'am," he said harshly. "Do you realize that you were going almost 40 miles per hour over the speed limit."

"Yes sir but..." Mere began but was off by the officer.

"License and registration please," he spat. Hurriedly Mere began tearing through her glove box. That is when the officer noticed Lyss in the back seat.

"Ma'am what is your son doing sleeping like that?" he asked narrowing his eyes at her.

"My _daughter,_" Mere said matching his tone. "Has to get to the hospital."

"Why didn't you call an ambulance?" he accused.

"Sir," Meredith said impatiently. "My daughter has cancer. She spiked a fever which is very dangerous for cancer patients. Sometimes it could be fatal. Especially if she has a low white blood cell count, which I assume she does. While this is urgent, it is not urgent enough to call an ambulance. And if you were wondering how I know that, it is because I am a surgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital. Now I hate to be rude, but I must get her there as _soon_ as possible and every minute I talk to you could be close to the end of my daughters fucking life! So if you are done...." The officer's mouth fell open.

"I am so sorry Ma'am, you may go," he said.

"Thank you," Mere said curtly only nodding her head. "Asshole," she muttered under her breath so he couldn't hear.

"Do you want a police escort?" he asked obviously trying to make up the fact for being a jerk earlier.

"That won't be necessary," Meredith said with a smirk and drove off, arriving at the hospital minutes later. Quickly she rushed into the ER with Lyss in her arms. Looking around she spotted Owen who had also spotted them. He ran up to her quickly especially because Lyss was with her.

"Meredith, what happened?" he asked referring to Lyss.

"She spiked a fever, Iz wanted to check it out," she told him.

"Okay, I'll get a nurse to page her for you, just relax here for a moment Mere," he said running off into the direction of the closest nurse. Mere sat down in a seat as he came over again.

"All done," Owen told her.

"Thanks," she said and held Lyss closer. Five minutes later Izzie came down, Miranda a step behind her.

"Hey Mere," she said with a slight smile. "Let's get her in an exam room." Miranda brought over a wheelchair and the three of them wheeled her upstairs. They took blood from her port, listened to her heart, took her blood pressure, and now they were sitting in her room.

"So do you know anything," Mere asked sounding like an uneducated family member.

"I think she has another blood infection. You know like the one she had after her MOC party and the one she kept getting during induction," Izzie explained.

"So how do you think it happened Meredith, catching the infection. No one was sick, were they?" Miranda asked.

"No. Yesterday Noah overheard Lyss stating to her friends that she was going to die," Meredith began.

"Oh Mere," Izzie said as Meredith sat down and grabbed Lyss's hand.

"She explained it to him to the point that he thinks she is just going on a trip again," she continued. "She wanted to make him happy I guess before Derek left so she asked if we could go to the park. She pushed herself really hard. And then when we went to the airport with Derek she said goodbye and ended up falling asleep on a chair before the plane left. I thought she was tired out from all of that when she didn't wake up this morning and...... now I am scared that...... just help her please."

"It's understandable Mere," Izzie reassured. She only sighed and looked at Lyss. Would this be what she was doing for the rest of Lyss's life. Only able to hold her hand while she goes through unimaginable things, things only Lyss really knows what they feel like. So disconnected from her, so far from her. She didn't realize a nurse came in with the blood test results.

"Mere," Izzie said causing her to look up. "We were right, the blood infection returned and is the cause of the rising fever we could...." Before she finished Miranda grabbed the chart out of her hand.

"Lyss is anemic again and her white blood cell count is low," she added.

"So, what do we do," Mere asked. Before they could answer she let out a bitter laugh. "I should be able to answer that. I am a surgeon! I should be able to answer that but when it's my daughter..... I can't, I can't find the.... all my medical knowledge disappeared."

"Mere, it's to be expected. We have no clue what you are going through," Izzie told her. Mere nodded and looked up.

"The best we could do for Lyss is give her antibiotics, we can get a prescription now. That should help bring the fever down. Also Karev mentioned that she was in pain and she will probably be in more pain now so we can also right her a prescription for that," Miranda explained. Meredith nodded.

"I would also like to suggest blood transfusions. The new blood will help fight the infection and make Lyss a little stronger. We could do it right before the wedding that way she will be able to go," Izzie said. Again Meredith only nodded.

"We'll do private donors of course, call everyone you know with O positive blood type," Miranda added.

"Count me in," Izzie said. "And I think George is too."

"Okay, Izzie try and get a hold of O'Malley and then both of you head down to the clinic. I will get the prescriptions, Meredith, just stay here with Lyss," Miranda said and they both left, leaving Meredith alone with Lyss. She stroked her face once and smoothed her short hair back on her head comfortingly.

"It's almost over Lyss," she whispered. "You'll be out of pain soon baby." Miranda returned with the medicine and smiled encouragingly at Meredith.

"Take her home Shepherd, spend as much time with her as you can," she said a hint of sadness in her voice. Mere grabbed the medication from her and gently bent down to pick up Lyss. It was then when she realized that with all the drama and chaos that happened she forgot to call Derek.

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Derek looked around the hotel lobby where the conference was being held. He was bored. His room was boring because he had no one to share it with. Usually, Mere accompanied him to things like this because usually it was only three days long. It had to be now that it was a week long conference. Derek desperately wanted to find something to do or someone to talk to.

Anything to get his mind off of Lyss.

"Shepherd," he heard someone call. Derek turned around to see several surgeons he had worked with over time. They included Dr. Greg Martin, Dr. Jason Hill, and Dr. Chelsea Davis.

"Hey," she said as the approached him.

"How have you been," Greg asked shaking Derek's hand.

"How's your family? Wife? Kids?" Chelsea asked.

"We have had a pretty rough year," Derek admitted.

"What are your kids names again?" Jason asked. Derek smiled and pulled out a picture from his wallet. It was everyone on the beach in L.A. it had been taken over a year ago when they surprised the kids with a visit to Addison's. Everyone was huddled around a sand castle, smiling, happy, nothing wrong. Derek could hardly believe there was once a life without cancer, a time that cancer didn't even exist, not in their life anyway. It was just one big happy family.

"Well our oldest Sophia, she's 16. Then twins Hayley and Paige, their 15. Alyssa," his voice cracked as he said her name. "She is 14. Then Jake who is 12, Kelsey who is 9, and our youngest, Noah, who is 4." Chelsea narrowed her eyes at his reaction to Lyss's name.

"Derek, what's wrong?" she asked. Derek sighed as he put away the picture.

"About 6 months ago, Lyss, our middle child,, was diagnosed with cancer. Acute Myelogenous Leukemia to be exact. it has CNS involvement," he explained trying hard to hold in his tears.

"Oh Derek, that's horrible," Jason said.

"I am so sorry," Greg said.

"Me too," Derek choked out.

"How is she? I mean, how is her treatment?" Chelsea asked.

"She started out with regular chemo until they found a tumor on her brain. They removed it and she spent Christmas in the hospital. Then they began induction but it didn't achieve remission as we had hoped. So instead of doing clinical trial, Lyss, she wished to give up and stop treatment and Meredith and I decided to honor her wishes," he told them looking down.

"Oh Derek," Chelsea said.

"I can't imagine what you are going through," Greg added.

"How is everyone taking it?" Jason asked. That's when Derek's phone rang, he looked down and smiled slightly, it was Meredith.

"Excuse me, it's my wife," he dismissed himself and walked away. He flipped open his phone.

"Hello, Mere?" Derek said.

"Hey Der," mere said, sounding exhausted. But it was so good to hear her voice again.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" Derek asked worriedly.

"It's Lyss...." Mere began.

"What?" he asked more urgently, his voice all panicky. Meredith took a deep breath and spoke.

"Her blood infection came back Der," she told him. "She woke up with a 105 degree fever and is delirious."

"I'm coming home," Derek demanded walking towards the elevator.

"Derek, no I am fine. Just stay there, you need to be there, for the hospital. I will be fine..... Lyss will be fine. I can take care of myself derek, I am a big girl," Meredith reassured.

"But Mere," he protested.

"Derek, I just called to tell you that. And that I love you. But I do want to say one thing," she said.

"What?" he asked.

"Just be prepared, you know. When you come home. Be prepared, it's not looking good Der." His breath caught in his throat.

"I love you Derek, see you soon."

"I love you too Mere, bye," Derek said his voice tight. Derek was scared. He knew immediately that when he came home that he would be heartbroken, depressed, and regretting he ever left. But one thing Derek knew for sure was that he was definitely not staying the whole week.

He just couldn't.

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A lot of you probably saw the beginning of the next chapter so no need for a little spoiler :)

A/N: There is one more chapter until the wedding! Then the wedding and the reception will take about three chapters. So....... maybe 10 chapters left :) Okay now there is gonna definitely be more then 10 but I still don't feel like doing the math :)

I only got 8 reviews last chapter, could I ask for 10 reviews this one? :) THANKS!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	71. Chapter 71: Suffering

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**What happens when Derek returns home early to find Lyss even worse then he thought? What will he do? What about everyone else, how are the handling it? Will they break down again? What about Noah, is he really understanding what is happening to his sister?**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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__

**5 days later......**

**Ly****ss doesn't know what day it is. All she does is lay in bed, in pain, in ****agony.**** Everyone around her watches as she slips away. She knows people float in and out of her room but she isn't sure who it is, just that they are there. Sometimes they talk and she responds, sometimes she just lays there, wishing it would just come already. Opening her eyes these days was just too unbearable yet when they were closed, sleep wouldn't come.**

**She was trapped in time. She could have been laying there for minutes, hours, days, weeks, or months, and Lyss wouldn't know. Just that every time she closed her eyes she saw Chase, and Lucy, and thousands of nameless people. All of whom she would be joining soon. When sleep did come, it was only nightmares. The confusing dreams she had been having since she gave up had finally come to an end. And every time when Lyss looked down on the grave stone it read ****Alyssa Danielle Shepherd.**

**She was scared.**

**Laying in her bed she had time to think. Would she feel anything? What will it be like? How will it happen? When will it happen? How fast, how slow? Does it hurt? Should it hurt? Sometimes Lyss would find herself saying these the aloud but most of the time it was in her head. But everything was slowly becoming a reality. She was beginning to have a sense of what would happen and knowing stuff she never thought possible. There weren't really answers yet. She would find out as it happened, as she lived it, as she actually died.**

**Once or twice Lyss vaguely remembered Mere carrying her downstairs on the couch. But ever since the night out with Noah, she could barely remember anything anymore. The only thing she could feel was the pain but it wasn't even like the pain was a part of herself it was just there. She could feel it but at the same time be numb, almost like she was already gone.**

**Her fever had gone down but was still there. It was 101 degrees now. Tolerable yet it still made Lyss so weak, so pale, so fragile. She was even sure of anything anymore. Lyss was so tired she never even made an attempt to move, she wasn't even sure if she could. A couple of times Mere had attempted to get Lyss to eat but there wasn't really much point. By now the pills she had practically thrived on for the past week were losing it's touch, they were no longer working. Just adding to her constant pain.**

**Everything went by so slow yet fast at the same time. One minute her Mom would be there, the next Sophia. Or Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and one or twice Noah even slipped in. Then all of a sudden she would be alone. The one person Lyss was painfully aware was not there was her father. And every time someone was in there, there were tears. They were all slowing falling apart and Lyss couldn't do anything about it, only die. Everyone could see right through her.**

**She felt helpless.**

**Lyss knew one thing for sure. It was close. She could feel it, she could sense it. She just hoped that she would be able to make it to Addie's wedding before it happened. She just hoped that her Daddy would be there when it happened.  
**

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****

**Derek sighed as the cab pulled up to his house. He knew very well he wasn't going to like what he saw at all. He wanted to just run away, back to the conference, somewhere other then here. Still he forced himself out of the cab. Derek needed to be there for his family, for Lyss. He grabbed his bags out of the trunk, paid the driver, and walked up the front steps. Hesitantly Derek opened the front door.**

**"Hello?" he called into the house. He saw Mere on the couch, looking exhausted. Sophia was the only one home from school so far and was doing her homework at the kitchen table. At the sound of his voice Mere looked up.**

**"Derek!" she exclaimed and got up. Derek placed his bags down as she ran towards him and flung her arms around him. Derek wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled in his embrace beginning to cry. "Oh Derek, I am so glad your home." She looked horrible. There were circle upon circles underneath her bloodshot eyes. She looked even thinner than before and was shaking from tiredness.**

**"Mere," he whispered. "I love you."**

**"I love you too Der," she cried. Derek extended his arm to hug Sophia as well who had approached him more slowly. The three basked in the moment for a minute until mere interrupted, "Oh Derek, it's horrible."**

**"What?" he asked looking up.**

**"Lyss she's just...." she couldn't get it out. Sobs already took over her body. That's when Hayley and Paige walked through the door.**

**"Dad!" Paige exclaimed and ran over to hug him tightly along with Hayley.**

**"What are you doing home early?" Hayley asked. That's when Derek noticed all of the looked just like Mere, just not as bad.**

**"I came back for...." he began.**

**"Oh Daddy," Hayley started crying.**

**"It's not even like she is Lyss anymore," Paige cried. Derek let out a big sigh and prepared himself for what he was gonna see.**

**"I guess I will just see for myself," he murmured. Before walking to Lyss's room he led Mere over to the couch where her sobs hushed to whimpers. Warily he walked up the steps and slowly opened up Lyss's door. She was laying across the bed, her chest slowly moving up and down. Wispy short blond hair struggled to be shown at the top of her head. But the rest of her was what made Derek's breath get caught in his throat.**

**Her skin was ghostly pale, almost transparent, while skin was lying loosely on top of her bones making them awkwardly stick out. Her face skinny and tired looking. The clothes she wore were baggy and barely fit her body. She was so small, like a little girl. Immediately the tears sprung to his eyes and he regretted ever leaving her. How could she change this fast. Derek made his way over to her bedside. He stroked her face once.**

**She was cold.**

**Her skin felt heavier on his touch as he bent over and placed a kiss on her cheek.**

**"Sleep well my angel," he whispered into her ear. He bit his lip as he turned to quietly walked out when Lyss spoke.**

**"I'm not asleep Daddy," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Derek jumped, startled and turned around. Lyss continued. "It's just too hard to open my eyes these days. It's hard to do everything, even talk." She shook with effort as she forced her body to move slightly and her eyes struggled to open. Instead of her usual bright green eyes, they were dull and lifeless. A few tears rolled down her cheek as she whimpered in pain. Derek was by her side immediately.**

**"Shhh," he soothed.  
**

**He gathered her in his arms and she was so fragile he thought she might break.**

**"I love you Daddy," Lyss whispered.**

**"I love you too baby," he said in her ear. He rocked her gently back and forth.**

**"I missed you," she told him.**

**"I did too Lyss," he said. Lyss tried to look up at him but winced and gave up.**

**"It hurts," she said beginning to cry softly.**

**"Shhh baby, don't cry," he soothed. His voice shook as his own tears ran down his face.**

**"I'm scared Daddy."**

****

**"I know Lyss, I know." They sat there for a little while until Lyss's heavy breathing filled the room, she was sleeping. Gently he rested her on a pillow, kissed her cheek, and turned to look at her room, but it was too hard. That's when the real tears hit and he bolted out of the room.**

**Derek made his way to the stairs, his hand grasping onto the pole to keep himself from falling. He felt weak, like his legs would give out at any minute. By the time he stumbled down the stairs everyone was turning to look at him. Jake and Kelsey were also home now.**

**"How did it get so bad?" he asked quietly. Mere stood up and walked over to him solemnly. She grabbed his face a kissed him lightly on the lips.**

**"The blood infection.... the antibiotics help, but not enough. It's taking over her body, the cancer, everything Der," she whispered. "Before the wedding in three days we are gonna give her blood transfusions to help her fight it and make her a little stronger. Izzie, George, Kathleen, and Eric donated blood." Her thumb found it's way to his cheek and dabbed a few tears away.**

**"I... I can't believe it," he whimpered. **

**"I know Derek, but we have to be strong for Lyss," she said then lowered her voice. "For everyone." He nodded and looked up at his kids. They were all doing their homework silently. Getting ready for the one day they were going to miss of school for the wedding. It was then he realized there was no innocent laugh or smiling face around the house.**

**"Where's Noah?" he asked.**

"Oh yeah," Mere said. "I forgot to tell you."

"What?" he asked.

"Me, Iz, Cristina, and Lexie really don't think he should be around Lyss, well not a lot. We don't want him remembering her this way, plus he is kind of scared of her. Anyway, the three of them have been picking him up after preschool and dropping him off right before dinner. I think it is Izzie's turn today," she explained sadly.

"I guess it's for the best," he murmured and looked around. He realized not only Meredith looked as bad as she did. Everyone did. Everyone was scared, everyone was helpless. He knew what he had to do.

"Mere, I think it's best if you get some rest. Go out, get some fresh air," he began.

"No," she stated firmly and tensed up a bit.

"Why Mere, you need it, you all do," he told her.

"No," she repeated. "I haven't left her, I can't leave her Derek. The next time I do it might...."

"Meredith, I will be here, I will watch her, go spend some time with Soph, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels. You all desperately need it. Please, for me."

"Derek."

"For Lyss. She needs you and if you are so exhausted you can't function, it won't help anyone." Meredith looked up. "I'm not going to let you say no to this Meredith." She sighed.

"Okay Derek." He kissed her forehead as she broke away from him and walked into the kitchen to get everyone. They emerged seconds later, grabbed their coats, and left. Not one smile on their faces. So much happened when he was gone. His family fell apart and grew apart even more. Derek sighed a walked back upstairs.

Hesitantly he reentered Lyss's room. She was still sleeping, her breathing still sounded through the room. But it was heavy, and a little ragged. Scars were visible all down her arm. He could barely distinguish the IV lines from the cuts she did herself. Carefully and silently Derek pulled up a chair next to her bed. He sat down and watched. Made sure her chest was still rising and falling, because the way she looked right now, looked like it could stop at any moment.

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"You wanna take a walk, we could go on the trails in the park?" Mere asked her children. Sophia shrugged and everyone followed, no one said a word. What was there to say. Lyss had cancer. Lyss was dying. Mere sighed and put her arm around Sophia and Hayley, the two closest to her. She looked down as Sophia looked up, tears were streaming down her face.

No one thought this would happen. No one thought that Lyss would have cancer. You build a family and expect it to be perfect, and when it's not, you shut down. Everything shuts down. The life you once dreamed of, once lived, slipped away. Ceased to exist, only in memories. Memories that were hard to remember at all. When they were happy, when they were a family, when cancer was only what they watched other people live through, not actually live it themselves.

As Mere cares for Lyss, holds her, does everything for her, she feels like she is neglecting her other children, but in a way, she's not. They are living it too, they have to watch, just like her. And if that doesn't bring them together, nothing will. Soon time got away from them, they were in the park, just not sure where. It was like their minds were trying to block out what was happening at home.

Like the small, pale, weak, and sick girl lying in her bed upstairs who was once Lyss didn't exist. At least not in that moment. It was like this time was meant for them. About an hour had gone by when someone finally spoke.

"Mommy," Kelsey whimpered. Meredith looked towards her. "Mommy, why?" She started crying. Meredith rushed up and hugged her tightly.

"Why did she have to give up, why did she have to get an infection, why did she have to get cancer," Kels sobbed. "I want my sister back. Not that girl in the bed. It's like Lyss doesn't even exist anymore." Meredith had no clue what to say, especially since her own tears she had been holding in since they left the house began.

"I know, Shhh, I know," Meredith whispered.

"What are we going to do without her Mom?" Jake asked. "How will we survive without her?"

"She kept us together," Paige whispered. "She was always able to make us laugh or smile or.... just be happy. What are we going to do without someone to do that?" Meredith sighed. She had no clue how to answer any of these questions because she had no clue herself. What would it be like without Lyss? The only way that could be answered is by living it, something no one wanted to do.

"I'm her older sister," Sophia choked out. "I am not supposed to live longer than her!"

"I feel the same way baby," Mere said tears still falling down her face. "I am her mother, I should die before her."

"I wanna go home," Hayley said. "We need as much time with her as possible. We might not have much time left."

"Guys, I do too, but what about your father, he needs time with Lyss too, I know it's hard but...." Mere couldn't really finish her sentence. She wanted to say that 'we will get through this.' But the problem was, she didn't think they could. Lyss was going to die. They could do absolutely nothing about it. The biggest challenge was the family surviving through it.

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Lyss looked anything but peaceful. She looked trapped, in pain, scared. Off somewhere where she couldn't escape, her fate slowly creeping up on her. Derek glided his hand underneath hers and took it gently, stroking the back of it with his thumb. How did this happen? How did it ever come to Derek having to watch his daughter die? Why did he have to go to the conference? Would it have been any different? Would the family have to watch Lyss die this soon?

Derek leaned to kiss her gently on the cheek when she groaned slightly. Her hand tightened a little on his and her mouth opened to speak.

"Daddy?" she whispered.

"I'm here Lyss," he told her gently. Lyss shivered and her eyes slowly opened to look into Derek's.

"I'm tired," she said even quieter than before. Her eyes were glittering with tears as a few made it down her face. Derek was quick to wipe them away.

"I know baby, it will all be over soon," he said, his throat tightening. Lyss sighed and closed her eyes tightly before opening them again, more tears running down her face. This time Derek made no attempt to wipe them away, it was pointless.

"Do you want to go downstairs?" he asked her. Lyss weakly nodded her head.

"I can't get up," she whispered. "And I can't walk too well."

"Well I could carry you down...." Derek began.

"NO!" Lyss said as forcefully as she could. Her body shook with effort. "I said I can't walk too well, but that doesn't mean I can't walk. I'm not helpless." Derek nodded and held out his hand, she took in and slowly and weakly pushed herself up, wincing in pain. Derek kissed her quickly on the cheek before helping her stand weakly on her feet. She leaned heavily on him but made it to the stairs like she said she would. Derek carried her down the stairs but put her back down where she again made it to the couch. There she collapsed on it exhausted. The entire effort took about 10 minutes.

Something she did probably almost every day of her life that took so much effort.

"You want something to eat?" he asked her. She shook her head slowly. Derek sighed and sat down next to her.

"What do you want to do?" he asked her hesitantly.

"Can you hold me Daddy," she whispered. Derek's own tears fell down his face as he choked back a sob. Being strong for Lyss he wrapped his arms protectively around her and she sank into his grasp. Lyss motioned to the TV and Derek turned it on, although there was nothing on.

"Can we watch some home movies?" she asked tiredly.

"Of course baby," Derek said setting her down on a pillow and got up to look through what they had. He picked a random one. Derek put the video in and held Lyss close as they watched.

_It was October, near Halloween. Sophia was 7, Hayley and Paige were 5 1/2, Lyss was 4 1/2, Jake was 3, and Kels was 6 months old. They were at the pumpkin farm._

_"Daddy, Daddy, look at me," Lyss said to the camera and began twirling in circles._

_"Lyss don't hurt yourself," Meredith called as Lyss erupted into giggles._

_"Daddy, Mommy, what about this pumpkin?" Sophia asked waddling over with a pumpkin twice the size of her head. Derek's laugh boomed from behind the camera._

_"I think that one's a little too big Phia," he laughed. The camera panned out to where Hayley, Paige, and Jake were chasing each other around the rows of pumpkins. Meredith was placing Kelsey on the ground and holding her hands so she could walk. Lyss was still twirling in circles while Sophia was going from pumpkin to pumpkin asking if it was good or not._

The camera went dark but reopened to a scene at Christmas, they were in the Connecticut home. It was Christmas Eve and Jason was the reader of 'The Night Before Christmas' that year.

_"And visions of sugar plums danced in their head...." Jason continued. Sarah and Lori were cuddled on his lap while everyone else was around him on the ground. The camera panned out on Lyss and Lily huddled together with a blanket around them. That had been the year when the older kids tricked them into waiting for Santa. They were still half frozen hot chocolate in their hands._

_"Derek why are you taping this," Jason broke off and closed the book._

_"It's a cute family moment," he replied laughing._

_"And me stumbling over the words everything few seconds is...... just shut it off," he told him. Meredith was laughing when all if a sudden Kelsey blurted out._

_"Dada," she said. Everyone went silent._

_"Did she just say Dada?" Derek asked._

_"Dadadada," Kelsey squealed. The book was lost as everyone began celebrating Kelsey's first word._

The screen went dark again but reopened seconds later. It was Lyss's fifth birthday party. They decided it was going to be mostly family but Hannah, Nikki, Becca, and Brittany were there.

_"Happy Birthday to you," everyone sang. "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Alyssa, Happy Birthday to you!" Lyss was smiling in front of the cake. It was pink and purple with dance shoes all over it._

_"Make a wish baby," Meredith said from next to her. Lyss pulled her long hair back, closed her eyes for a second, and blew out the candles. Everyone clapped. The camera panned out towards everyone. Izzie trying to get Michael to sit in his booster chair. Alex was making sure Ali wasn't making a mess. Cristina and Owen were hovering over Talia and Trevor. Lexie was trying to catch two year old Morgan who was giggling and running around while George just sat and laughed. Miranda was with Tuck and Tucker while Richard stood nearby with Adele. Mark was standing over at the side with his fiance._

Lyss frowned. "That's sad Daddy," she whispered.

"It sure is baby," Derek said. He knew she was talking about the fact that Jen, Mark's fiance had died giving birth to Nate, they weren't even married yet.

"Thank you for coming home early Daddy," Lyss whispered.

"I would do anything for you Lyss," Derek told her. Lyss hesitated before speaking again.

"It's coming Daddy, I think. Not now but..... I don't know. I feel it, all the pain it's just.... coming together somehow. Like it has a purpose," she said. Derek didn't answer or respond, he just put a tighter grip on Lyss, as if that could keep her there. He wanted this moment to last forever.

_"Presents Lyss," Meredith told her. Excitedly Lyss hopped up and ran over to her giggling. The first present she opened was from Izzie and Alex, the porcelain dance shoe that Lyss had hidden her prenatal vitamins in and shattered during her fight with her parents._

_"That's a very special gift Lyss," Meredith said. "We have to be careful with it, we can put it in your room later."_

_"Thank you!" Lyss squealed jumping up to hug them tightly.  
_

_"Your welcome Lyss," Izzie laughed as she bounced back over happily to all of her presents. The next was from Cristina, it was a purple stethoscope._

_"Aunt Cristina!" Lyss squealed. "Uncle Owen! Thank you!" Again she bounced over to hug them tightly._

_"Ugh, Mini-Mere," Cristina joked. "I don't do hugs." Lyss stuck her tongue out at Cristina before hopping back over._

The screen went black and just as Derek was about to turn it off, there was another scene.

_"Daddy is it gonna rain?" Lyss asked looking at the camera. No one else was with them._

_"Hope not baby," Derek laughed._

_"Me either," Lyss giggled. She was bundled up tight in a little pink coat, matching, hat, gloves, and a white scarf. At the bottom of the screen said January 22nd, 2019. It was the day after her fifth birthday._

_"What are we doing today daddy?" Lyss asked jumping up and down._

_"We're having a daddy daughter day," Derek answered._

_"What is that?" Lyss asked._

_"It's just you and me baby, for the whole day," Derek said._

_"Really," she said her eyes wide. "What are we doing first?"_

_"Taking a ferry boat ride over to the cabin," Derek told her._

_"YAY!" Lyss squealed and turned in circles. _

Derek looked down and saw Lyss's mouth open in a gasp.

"What baby?" he asked.

"I forgot," she whispered.

"What?" Derek asked.

"I always thought... when I was two, that day you and I had, that was the only day alone together... but..." Lyss trailed off. Derek smiled.

"Apparently 5 was a big number, especially for your mother, so... when you turned five, because you were so like her, we had a special daddy daughter day that everyone else had at other times," Derek explained.

"I wanna go," Lyss murmured.

"I know you do baby," Derek sighed and kissed her head. Lyss shook her head weakly and made the effort to look in Derek's eyes.

"No, I want to go to the ferries," Lyss said.

"Lyss I..." Derek trailed off.

"My fever's down daddy... I may not know much of what's happening nowadays, but I know it's not 105 anymore... I am already terminal... I want to go," Lyss whimpered. "Please." Derek sighed. She could get him to do anything with the eyes and her pout, even before her diagnosis. How could he say no to her now?

"Fine," he breathed. "We'll go, just a trip to Bainbridge and back." Lyss's mouth formed something that looked like a smile.

"Thank you," she whispered. It was twenty minutes later that they left the house. Derek had Lyss bundled up in an oversized coat, scarf, gloves, and hat. He had to keep his little girl safe. He gently picked her up and placed her in the back seat, buckled her up, and got in the front. He started the car and looked back at her.

She was slumped over. She didn't have the strength to keep herself up. Her eyes were dropping and Lyss was asleep not even two minutes into the car ride which took a total of 10 minutes.

When they got there, Derek picked Lyss up out of the car, not waking her at all. Locking the car, he sat on a bench that overlooked the bay and sat down with her on his lap, basking in the moments with his daughter. A gust of cold air woke Lyss.

"Daddy," she murmured, her eyes not stirring.

"We're here Lyss," Derek said. Her eyes opened slowly. "We have to wait till the next ferry ride. But for now we can just sit here."

"Okay," Lyss whispered and snuggled further in his grasp. Derek looked down at her. This was his and Meredith's spot. They've had dates here, every anniversary they have been there, and now it was his and Lyss's spot as well.

"It's beautiful," Lyss breathed, looking at the fog that lay just over top of the bay. They could see the ferry in the distance.

"It is," Derek nodded and kissed her head.

"I love you," Lyss said, for probably the tenth time that day.

"Me too baby," Derek sighed and picked her up to put her back in the car to get on the ferry which was now approaching the dock. He drove onto it and brought Lyss to the upper deck, where her eyes widened yet again. Derek knew she was trying to take everything in, remember everything. He sat on the side until Lyss looked up at him as the ferry started moving.

"Daddy," she murmured.

"Yes baby," Derek said.

"I wanna look over the edge," Lyss said, blue eyes meeting green. Derek nodded and helped her up and to the edge on shaky legs. He put his hands over hers on the railing, and stood protectively behind her as she gazed out onto the bay. Watched the waves ripple against the ferry.

"Do you believe in heaven Daddy?" Lyss asked all of a sudden. "Mommy does, Aunt Izzie does, Uncle Mark does... do you?"

"Yes sweetheart, I do," Derek breathed.

"Do you think I'll be there?" she questioned. Derek looked at her in surprise.

"There isn't a doubt in my mind," Derek vowed.

"Even after the terrible things I have done, like getting pregnant and..."

"God isn't heartless sweetheart, that's a part of your past, it no longer matters as far as I am concerned," Derek told her. He saw her head nod a little and then she fell silent. Her tired eyes not moving from the water. She loved the water. But Lyss didn't always love the water. When she was younger, she was scared of it, which was why she never learned until she was eight.

All of a sudden, Lyss's legs gave out and she fell into Derek's arms. He scooped her up and carried her back to where they were sitting before, but now there was an elderly couple there as well.

"Hello," the woman said. "How old is your daughter?"

"14," Derek answered. They both looked a little shocked. They couldn't tell her height by the way he was holding her and she was so skinny, small, and frail she looked 6 years old.

"What's her name?" the man asked.

"Alyssa," Derek smiled.

"May we ask..." the woman said.

"She has cancer... she's on hospice," Derek sighed, deciding not to let them wonder, and refrain from using the phrase 'giving up.'

"Oh my," she breathed. "I am so sorry."

"Yeah," Derek murmured and placed a tighter hold on Lyss.

"Is she your only?" the man asked.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I have six others."

"Is she the oldest?" the woman asked.

"No, the middle."

"Oh..." That got Derek thinking. When Lyss died, did he stop having 7 children and only have 6? He didn't have much time to ponder it when the horn of the ferry blew, woke up Lyss, and got them back down to the car.

Lyss was silent the entire way, even as they got off the boat. Even as they began to venture off into the woods, down the long winding paths of roads, even as they past Derek's trailer that now sat closer to the lake. Back in the clearing, overlooking the cliff, sat the summer cabin of the Shepherd's.

It was large, and very woodsy, obviously designed by Derek. After Derek realized after having Sophia that his kids needed to be on the mainland for education and easy access to the hospital, they gave George and Lexie Meredith's mothers house and bought a new one on their own, conveniently next to Alex and Izzie.

Not wanting his land to go to waste, Derek built a cabin in his and Meredith's spot. It was large and had more rooms than his house did. This was often where they had birthday celebrations if it was just an intermediate family thing. It was the perfect place to be alone and bond. Just in case, they also had a guest house here that was a lot large than the one they had at home.

All of the kids had their own room, many of them were similar to their own rooms at home. The living room, dining room, and kitchen all blended together in one open space. Two large fireplaces sat on either side of house. It was beautiful, one of Lyss's favorite places. Derek picked her up from the car and brought her inside where she stood and looked around. It always looked so different in the winter.

The windows that surrounded the open space were never lit up by the occasional Seattle sun, everything was dusty, and everything was dull.

Without Derek's help, Lyss made a tiny step towards the couch, touching it lightly. This is where she had sex with Bryan, if it was really sex and not rape. Lyss turned around to look at the table. At the bottom of it 'The Shepherd Clan' was etched into it. Something that Sophia, Hayley, Paige, and Lyss did when they were only 3, 4, and 6. Underneath each of their names were there and they added Jake's, Kels's, and Noah's as well.

She had so many memories here, but she would never have any more. Derek and Lyss didn't talk as they moved room to room, looking at everything. Finding memories from everything. They didn't even talk as they sat outside of the porch swing and basked in their moment.

Soon it was getting late and they had to go back. When Derek took Lyss back to the car, she fell asleep almost immediately and didn't wake up at all. He didn't even bother to move her when they were in the parking garage on the ferry boat. All he did was move to the back with her and hold her frail body.

Derek was surprised when they finally arrived home that Mer and the kids weren't home yet either. Happy he was still alone with Lyss, he sat on the couch with her where she finally stirred.

"Daddy," she whimpered in pain. Her tiredness and everything finally catching up to her.

"It's okay baby, we're home, just rest," Derek told her.

"Your the best daddy," she murmured, closing her eyes. "Today was great... I am glad... I could spend one last day with you... I love you." Derek smiled and squeezed her a little tighter than he already was. After about 5 minutes of just looking at her, Derek looked up and was face to face with a still on the TV. It was Lyss, mid jump. Five, happy, careless, perfect. Her blond hair, curled slightly, flowing behind her, her green eyes wide with excitement, her smile big.

Derek looked over at Lyss, she was asleep again. Derek leaned down and brushed his lips gently across her head and sighed. They were so happy back then. No fights, no one being left out, no cancer.

"I love you Lyss," he murmured and closed his eyes.

Twenty minutes later Meredith came home, everyone's eyes puffy from crying so much, except Noah who Mere had picked up on her way in. The video was still on. It was Lyss's dance recital when she was 5. Derek had turned it back on when they returned. Meredith almost started crying again but held it in. She walked over to the couch.

Derek was laying across it, Lyss pulled into his chest. His arms were wrapped protectively around her small body, both sleeping soundly. Meredith bent down and kissed them both gently on the cheek and turned around to spend more time with her kids.

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**Will the blood transfusions help Lyss at all? What about the dress Addie got her, with even more weight loss will it even fit her? Will Lyss even be able to stay awake for the entire wedding?**

**A/N: Next chapter is the wedding! Then the wedding will take about three chapters. So....... maybe 10 chapters left :) Okay now there is gonna definitely be more then 10 but I still don't feel like doing the math :)**

**I only got 8 reviews last chapter, could I ask for 10 reviews this one? :) THANKS!**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	72. Chapter 72: Withstanding

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

Addie has no clue about the infection so imagine her surprise when Lyss shows up weak, small, pale, and a lot worse than she thought? Lyss has the blood transfusions and they do make her stronger for one thing...... you'll see it in the upcoming chapters. And I decided the actual part with the wedding with be next chapter but you still see Addie and everyone, but at a rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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_2 days later......._

Meredith walks slowly into her daughters room, to her surprise she is leaning against her backboard stuffing something into her night stand drawer.

"Hey Lyss," Meredith says softly. Her head slowly turns towards Meredith.

"Hey," she says quietly a hint of anger in her voice, she knows exactly what is coming.

"We have to go to the hospital soon," Meredith tells her gently.

"I know," Lyss says curtly. She closes her eyes and lays across her bed slowly. Meredith comes up and pushes the few strands of hair that grew down on her forehead out of her face.

"It will make you feel stronger Lyss, it will help fight the infection and....." Meredith began.

"Let's just not talk about," Lyss said as forcefully as she could. She was still extremely weak and her body shook with effort but her fever had finally gone down to 99.5 degrees. There wasn't much of an infection left to fight.

"Do you want a back rub?" Mere asked. Lyss just shook her head weakly. Meredith helped her up and into the clothes she had picked out for her. "Do you want me to stay with you until we have to leave?" Again Lyss shook her head.

"I just want to be alone," Lyss whispered. Meredith sighed. She bent down and kissed her on the cheek gently before leaving the room. They had about a half an hour until they were due at the hospital. After that they would go home, pick everyone else up and load their things in the car and drive to L.A. Everyone else who was going which was just about everyone were going on the plane. Derek and Meredith feared that it would be too much for Lyss so they decided against it.

When they arrived in L.A. they would go to the hotel everyone was staying at and then go to the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Then the next day was the wedding at 10 and then the reception following at 3. Hopefully it wouldn't be too much for Lyss.

Meredith walked downstairs and sat at the kitchen table with Derek and Sophia.

"Is Lyss awake?" Sophia asked.

"Yeah, but she wants to be alone," Meredith said.

"She still mad about the fact she has to go to the hospital?" Derek asked.

"Weakly mad but mad none the less. Personally I am surprised at her priorities," Mere sighed.

"She wants to go mom," Sophia said. "She probably doesn't want anything lengthening her time in pain." Meredith stared at Sophia and realized she was right.

"Oh God," she murmured. Sophia got up and kissed both Meredith and Derek lightly on the cheek before walking over to the couch. They got to stay home from school today and wouldn't get back until Monday night so everyone was in a pretty good mood.

"I don't even think she knows what's really going on Mere," Derek told her.

"Lyss is scared, that's all I know, or trying to figure everything out," Meredith sighed. "But I really thought she wanted to go to the wedding and she would probably like to try and remember it."

"She confused, and scared like you said Mere. She had no clue what to expect, none of us do," Derek murmured. Mere buried her hands in her face and shook her head.

"How did it get like this?" she asked herself.

"It did Mere and I wish so badly that it didn't but we have to stay strong, just for now," Derek told her. Mere nodded. "Do you want me to get Lyss?" Mere nodded again and got up to grab her jacket and go to the car. Before leaving the house she turned to her kids who were huddled on the couch.

"We will be back in about an two hours okay guys, make sure you are all ready, showered and everything. When we get there we won't have much in the hotel before we go to the church and then the restaurant okay?" Mere told them. Noah opened his mouth to say something but Sophia intercepted.

"Okay Mom, I got it covered," Sophia said with a weak smile. It disappeared immediately as Derek carried Lyss down the stairs. And just like before put her down and allowed her to lean on him and take small steps. Meredith went on the other side of her and they helped lower her into the car. No one said a word on the way to the hospital, or when they were checking Lyss into a room, or when a nurse came in with the blood. They knew they wouldn't see anything of their family, the people they knew well, they were all getting ready for Addie's wedding.

"Sorry Alyssa, we have to stick you again," an older looking nurse said. Lyss nodded and held out her arm. She stuck the I.V in and taped it to her arm. Lyss's head turned slowly to her parents as the nurse left her room.

"I'm not mad at you," she said quietly. "I just never wanted to be in the hospital again. I spent too much time here when I had chemo, the tumor, the induction, all of the times in isolation and check-ups. I just kind of wanted to forget all of that pain, so I am not mad at you. I just wanted you guys to know that." Meredith smiled and held her hand.

"You are being so brave baby, I am so immensely proud of you," she murmured.

"Can you guys do something for me?" Lyss asked.

"Anything," Derek said.

"When I am gone," she took a breath. "Don't.... don't neglect anyone else attention. Don't grieve for too long. You have to be there for them..... okay." Derek kissed her cheek but didn't answer. An hour went by of silence until the nurse returned to put the second bag on. By the time that was over it was already 1 o'clock. The nurse was taking too long to come back so Meredith and Derek took the I.V out themselves. Then they helped Lyss stand up.

It felt weird, to actually feel strong again. And suddenly, Lyss didn't mind going to the hospital, she felt great. She felt inspired, she felt happy. In the blink of an eye they were home, Lyss was vaguely aware of the wheelchair now in the back seat. It amazed everyone as she was actually able to make it into the house without leaning on anyone. If it wasn't for her looking the way she did, she was acting healthy again, or at least healthier.

Lyss sat on the couch as everyone got the car packed. Meredith had given her water and she was sipping it slowly. She just stared off in space. Everyone was able to function so easily and get ready so easily without her, maybe it would actually be okay when she was gone.

"Lyss," Meredith called. "Grab whatever you want with you for the ride and let's go!" Lyss couldn't really call back to her and just got up. She grabbed a water bottle, stuffed her pain and antibiotic pills in her pocket and walked out of the house after grabbing her coat.

"I'm here," she murmured as she jumped into the car on the window side. They closed the door and were off. Lyss rested her chin on her hand and looked out of the window. She sighed and enjoyed the scenery as they got on the highway. She loved riding in the car. It was one of the many things she lost when she got sick. It not only made her even more nauseous then she already was and only provided the comfort of sleep. Now it was peaceful, serene. She could just think.

At some point before Lyss had dropped and when they left the effects of the new blood had begun to wear off. When Lyss was woken up by Meredith when they were at the hotel she was already back to the girl she was earlier. Meredith picked her up and placed her in the wheelchair and wheeled her into the hotel.

"We have room reservations for Shepherd," Derek told the person at the front desk. The woman murmured something inaudible and began fumbling through the stacks of papers.

"Meredith, Derek!" George called walking through the entrance. Lexie pushing the stroller with the twins, Morgan, Izzie, Alex, Dylan, Ali, Michael, Cristina, Owen, Talia, Trevor, Mark, Nate, Miranda, Tuck, Tucker, Callie, Richard, and Adele all behind him. Obviously they all shared the rental cars. As a group they all walked up.

"Hey," Kelsey called excitedly.

"Shhh," Derek hushed pointing to Lyss who was asleep. Everyone nodded understanding.

"Mhmm," Lyss murmured stirring from her sleep in the wheelchair. Her eyes fluttered open and her eyes darted around the room. Her eyes lit up slightly when she saw her family. They were all looking at her sadly. Normally she would be angry at them for that but at that moment she was just happy to see them.

"Hey," she whispered weakly attempting to smile. Meredith stroked her cheek once and smiled sadly at everyone else.

"Hey Lyss," most of them said. Lyss turned to her Mom.

"Mommy, why am I so weak again?" she whimpered, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Lyss the transfusions will only help a little," Meredith explained bending down beside her and wiping away the tears. "The effects probably have worn off by now." Lyss shut her eyes tightly and opening them while taking a deep breath.

"Oh," she whispered. An awkward silence hung over the group. "I'm tired Mommy."

"Here you go sir," the woman at the desk said handing out a key card to Derek. Her eyes widened at the sight of everyone else behind them. Derek gave her the credit card after handing Mere the key.

"Here Mere," he said. "Take her up." Meredith nodded and went behind Lyss. She turned around to look at her slowly.

"Mommy, when can I take my meds?" she asked.

"When we get upstairs okay baby," she told her. Lyss nodded and closed her eyes.

"We'll see you later okay Lyss," Izzie said. Lyss only managed a slight nod of her head, when her and Mere were out of sight a sigh traveled throughout the group.

"I can't believe it," George whispered.

"That can't be Lyss," Owen said.

"Of course it's Lyssa Uncle Owen," Noah giggled oblivious to the serious mood traveling through the group. "You guys are silly. Lyssa is going on a trip soon, she will be back someday." He smiled up at everyone who's faces froze. "Why's everyone so sad. Aren't we here to see Aunt Addie?"

"Yeah Noah," Lexie said sadly.

"What's wrong Aunt Lexie?" he asked tilting his head, no one really wanted to answer.

"Here Noah," Hayley said holding out her hand. "Let's go to the vending machine over there."

"Okay," he squealed and grabbed her hand. He jumped excitedly and began dragging her. Hayley looked over her shoulder and gave her family a sad look.

"Lyss is just...... this doesn't seem right," Izzie said shaking her head.

"Nothing does nowadays," Derek grunted. "Let's just get this weekend over with."

"Dad, you don't mean that," Sophia said.

"Yes I do. It would be easier to watch Lyss die at home then here," he spat and turned away to grab some of their bags.

"It's just not fair," Kelsey cried. Cristina bent down beside her.

"I know it's not but she is still here, we should be grateful for the time we have with her," she told her gently. Kelsey didn't respond, she just wrapped her arms around her neck and started crying.

"But it's not like she is Lyss," Jake grunted and followed his father.

"You guys better go up with them and get Noah and Hayley," Alex told Sophia, Kelsey, and Paige. They only nodded and turned away to grab the rest of their bags.

"It's not really fair is it?" Callie asked.

"No," Miranda said. "No it's not." When everyone arrived upstairs Lyss was already asleep lying across the bed. They had two conjoining rooms each having two beds while a pull out couch was in the living area. Meredith was rubbing her back gently and looked up with tears in her eyes.

"I don't think she should go to the rehearsal Der," she told him. "If she rests enough maybe she can go to the dinner but the ride tired her out."

"Okay, I'll stay with her," Derek said. "You all can go, or at least you Mere, your part of the wedding."

"I still wish you were a groomsman, I am walking down the isle with Kevin's brother," Mere giggled.

"Hey...." he was cut off bye Mere's phone ringing.

"It's Addie," she said happily and answered it quickly getting out of the room so Lyss could sleep peacefully.

"Hey Addie," she said into the phone.

"Hey Mere, are you here yet?" Addie asked.

"Yeah, we arrived about an hour ago, we are settling into the hotel and will be at the church soon at least....." she began but was cut off by Addie, Violet, Naomi, Pete, and Kevin were heard in the background.

"Sorry Mere, got to go," she said quickly. "See you guys soon." Mere hung up with a sigh.

"Now she will be disappointed when Lyss isn't there, I feel guilty, we didn't tell her about the infection," Mere told Derek looking in on Noah, Jake, Hayley, and Paige.

"You didn't want to ruin her wedding day," Derek reassured.

"I don't know how happy she will be when she sees Lyss tonight and....." Mere fretted. "Oh god, your mother, and sisters, and.... we didn't tell them, they will kill us."

"Mere, calm down they will understand," Derek told her. She only nodded and reached out to hug Derek.

"You're right," she murmured.

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She just wanted everything to be perfect.

But in her crappy messed up life, what could be? She was divorced, had fossilized eggs, and lets not forget to her sixteen years after the divorce to finally find and pick the right guy. Her wedding should be perfect, and it would have been, if Meredith hadn't shown up without Lyss or Derek.

Everyone else was already there, everyone from Seattle, the Shepherd's, Meredith, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, and Noah were the last.

"Mere," Addie called. "Where's Lyss?" Right behind her were the Shepherd's asking the same question. Addie knew something had to be up, the way Izzie, Callie, Miranda, and everyone else looked confirmed it.

"She.... she's a little tired Addie," Mere admitted as the rest of her kids scooted around her and made her way towards everyone else.

"What do you mean a little tired?" Kathleen asked before Addie could. Mere took a deep breath.

"A little more than a week ago, Lyss's blood infection came back, it's been pretty downhill from there," Mere told them quietly.

"So......" Emma started but Mere cut her off.

"She probably doesn't have much time left," she said. Addie's mouth dropped open.

"Why didn't you call," she choked out. "I wouldn't have....."

"Lyss wanted to come Addie," Meredith told her gently. "She wanted to see you through your happy ending, she wouldn't have it any other way. Plus, we didn't want to ruin...."

"You didn't want to ruin the wedding.... but guess what....." Addie started.

"It's not ruined dear," Elizabeth said. "Lyss is still here, and we are together as a family."

"Addie you ready to start?" Kevin called from the altar.

"I just......" she stuttered. "I just need a minute." Her hand reached out towards the pew and she collapsed into it. Kevin, Violet, Naomi, Pete, Cooper, Sam, and Dell ran over.

"What's wrong?" Dell asked immediately.

"Addie," Kevin said bending down next to his fiance.

"Meredith," Naomi said turning towards her.

"She's upset, about Lyss," Meredith explained.

"What's wrong?" Violet asked.

"We know about the whole giving up thing but at the moment she should still....." Cooper began but Mere interrupted.

"Her blood infection came back, she had a high fever that just came down, there isn't much time....." she trailed off looking down. Sophia grabbed Noah's hand and the six of them quickly slipped by her to sit next to Dylan, Ali, Morgan, and Talia who were sitting by everyone else.

"That just....." Sam started.

"Sucks," Pete finished. Addie shook her head and stood up.

"The wedding must go on," she choked out.

"Addie, if you want to postpone..." Kevin started.

"No!" she screamed. "It's her dying wish. She wants to see me get married." Meredith nodded in agreement.

"Will we get to see her before tomorrow?" Violet asked.

"If she is well enough to make it to the dinner tonight, the ride over tired her out but I am pretty sure she will," Meredith told them.

"Let's get started shall we," Addie said exhausted and dully walked to the back of the church, the rehearsal went by slowly, everyone having thoughts of Lyss.

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How could she have gone from feeling so great, so alive, and go back to feeling like the almost dead, weak, tired, and pitiful girl in such a short amount of time. She barely remembered the car ride, that is up until the point that she changed back to the girl she didn't know. The girl she hated, the girl who was dying and would leave her family forever. When she finally woke up Lyss realized that it was past the rehearsal and almost time for the dinner. Her wig was still on so she fixed it slightly and looked around.

"Daddy," she whispered. He was on the couch in the room, watching TV, it was obvious he didn't expect her to wake any time soon. "Daddy." She couldn't make her voice heard. Lyss sighed and shook with effort as she pushed herself up. Her legs slid of the bed and tentatively she put her feet on the ground. A wave of dizziness passed over her as she forced herself to stand up. She inched herself forward using the bed and eventually made it to the door and leaned against the frame.

"Daddy," she tried again. His head popped up and turned around.

"Lyss," he said shocked and ran to her aid.

"The rehearsal?" she whispered.

"We missed it, but we can go to the dinner if you are up to it?" Derek asked. Lyss nodded weakly. Lyss was still dressed nice so all Derek did was lift her up and place her in the wheelchair. By the time they got to the restaurant the dinner was about to be served. Elizabeth was the first to notice Lyss. The table got really quiet.

Lyss saw Addie, Kevin, Violet, Cooper, Sam, Naomi, Maya, Pete, Dell, Elizabeth, Kathleen, Nancy, Emma, Lyndsey, and everyone else's who have not seen her yet. Immediately she knew what they were thinking. It's what she was thinking everyday, her parents were, and her Seattle family was. How is this elf-looking, weak, pale, almost motionless girl the Lyss they all love? She attempted to smile but it didn't work out.

"Lyss," Addie choked out being the closest to her.

"Aunt Addie it's me, I promise," Lyss said her voice scarcely a whisper. "I hope you don't mind I came." Addie just silently got up and stroked her cheek once before bending down to hug her tightly. Lyss's arms made an attempt to reciprocate but she just didn't have the strength.

"I'm glad you came Lyss," she whispered in her ear. Lyss didn't really have time to respond because, dinner forgotten, all those who hadn't seen her for a while began gathering around her, hugging her, saying that they missed her, but she knew what they were all thinking. 'Is this the last time I will see her?'

Derek wheeled her up into a space next to Meredith and took a place on her other side. Meredith kissed her cheek lightly and Lyss lifted her head slightly to see her family. Everyone had the same expression on. A fake smile where their eyes betrayed their true feelings. Despite being weak she felt angered, her expression changed slightly.

"Stop looking at me like I am already gone," she spat, although there was not much force behind her words at all. She was shaking with effort, tears glittering in her eyes. Everyone then fell over themselves to make Lyss feel more welcome. Soon, after dinner was over and they were just talking, it became too much for her and she dropped off. Addison came up to them right away along with their L.A friends.

"I didn't think she would be _this_ bad," she choked out. But Noah interrupted before either of them could answer.

"Aunt Addie," he said, she turned to him. "We have to be quiet when Lyssa's sleeping. We may not talk real loud or play because she is always tired. It's because she is getting ready for her trip..... but don't worry, Lyssa won't be gone forever, she just has to get better but she will be back soon." Tears sprouted from almost everyone's eyes, he was so innocent.

"Hey Noah," Ali called along with Paige, Sophia, Talia, and Dylan. "You want to go outside to the fountain?" He jumped up.

"Yes please!" he squealed.

"I'll go with them," Maya said. All of the kids got up and followed them out, they didn't want any part of the conversation that was coming.

"He... he, Meredith how did he come up with that?" Violet asked.

"It was Lyss's way of explaining it to him but he doesn't really understand. He keeps changing what she told him," Derek explained, Meredith was still a little shocked.

"How did it really get this bad?" Nancy asked, she hadn't explained it well enough before. Elizabeth, Lyndsey, Kathleen, and Emma all leaned in from across the table.

"It started when Noah overheard Lyss telling her friends she was gonna die. He was hiding underneath her bed. Lyss explained it to the point where he believed she was only going on a trip again but he was still a little shaken. Lyss wanted to make him happy and since it was a nicer day she came up with the idea to go to the park, she caught something and spiked a fever and hasn't recovered at all," Meredith explained.

"Oh my god, that's horrible," Cooper exclaimed. He looked towards everyone from Seattle, their expressions were unreadable, they had heard the story enough time and seen Lyss enough time to not be affected much by it, that didn't mean it still didn't hurt.

"How is everyone else taking it?" both Kathleen and Violet asked at the same time. Giggles spread through the group.

"All of you shrinks do act alike," Derek chuckled. Both of them glared at him as Kathleen also smacked him on the head. "Ow!"

"Most of the are in denial I think," Meredith said.

"Oh god Mere," Addie said burying her face into Kevin's shoulder.

"Mhm, Mommy," Lyss mumbled fidgeting slightly in her wheelchair.

"I'm here baby, what's wrong," Meredith said as everyone's attention turned to her.

"I'm tired, and it hurts," she whimpered opening her eyes slightly. "Really bad."

"Shhh," Mere soothed gently rubbing her hand up and down her arm. "What hurts?"

"My head," she whispered. "And...... everything."

"I think it's time we take her back to the hotel Mere," Derek said. Meredith stroked her cheek and nodded. Before that she quickly reached into her purse and grabbed the pain meds.

"Here," she said grabbing her glass of water on the table. Mere pushed the pill in her mouth and helped tip her head back to swallow. Lyss shivered and shut her eyes again a few tears falling off her cheeks and landing on her blouse.

"We'll see you all tomorrow," Meredith said dully and got up to push Lyss's wheelchair. Derek brought the car around, grabbed the kids, and left. Back at the table everyone was silent.

"One year," Pete breathed shaking his head. "We haven't seen her for one year."

"A lot can happen in one year," Dell muttered disbelievingly. They all loved Lyss, they loved all of Meredith and Derek's kids, they saw them more often than everyone else's.

"She didn't even look that bad at the MOC party, and even then......." Naomi said. Addison started to cry but Elizabeth grabbed her hands.

"No Addie," she said firmly. "I may not be your mother-in-law anymore but I still care about you. This day and tomorrow is about you. Be happy, for us and for Lyss. She wouldn't want you to be like this."

"I know," Addie whispered.

"I think our evening is done," Kevin announced. Addison turned to Izzie who was getting up to leave. Everyone on that side of the table was awkwardly silent. They were the one's who saw Lyss through all of the things the Shepherd's and everyone in L.A were just hearing about and seeing.

"How..... were you there?" Addie asked.

"Yeah," she said solemnly.

"How did our family get like this?"

"I don't know Addie, I don't know."

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Can Lyss make it through the wedding, let alone the reception? The next chapter will be shorter then they have been. It is kind of a filler, like Meredith, Derek, and everyone from Seattle and the east coast who came to the wedding catching up with those who live in L.A. They also discuss Lyss and her pending death. The siblings have some time with their parents when.... well you'll see :)

A/N: Okay well the next two chapters are the reception and then..... I don't really want to say :) So that leaves about 8 or more chapters left! Okay so there are definitely more than 8 but I just don't feel like doing the math or planning that far ahead :)

I only got 8 reviews last chapter, could I ask for 10 reviews this one? :) THANKS!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	73. Chapter 73: Wedding and Reception Part 1

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

Will Lyss fit in her dress? Will she even be able to stay awake for the entire ceremony? What will Addie do? How will Meredith and Derek cope? What will Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah do?

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Lyss, time to wake up," Meredith said softly into her ear. Addison insisted on considering her part of the bridal party meaning she had to get up and to the church earlier than everyone else.

"Mhmm," she murmured. "Mommy, what time is it?"

"Almost 8 o'clock," Meredith told her smoothing the short blond hair to her head.

"Why do I have to get up now?" she asked weakly struggling to open her eyes.

"Because, you are a bridesmaid Lyss, or honorary bridesmaid as Addie is saying," Meredith told her being quiet. Derek was still asleep across the room. Lyss's eyes fluttered open and Mere couldn't miss the sparkle in them.

"I am," she choked out.

"You are," Meredith said.

"But I can't...."

"You'll be in the pew with Daddy, but you have a bridesmaid dress that matches mine," Meredith said helping her sit up. Lyss's mouth attempted to smile but she was too weak.

"Here," Mere said lifting up her nightgown, the only thing that fit her small body, and helping her step into a pair of jeans and slipping a shirt over her head.

"Mommy, it hurts a little, not as bad as last night but....." before she could finish her sentence Mere grabbed her pills and helped her swallow. "Thanks."

"Come on, we are meeting Callie downstairs," she said lifting her up. She was about the place her in the wheelchair but Lyss protested.

"No," she said shaking her head.

"But Lyss...." Meredith tried to reason.

"You can bring it to the reception, but I will walk or just sit in a pew... _please,_" she begged. Meredith nodded and walked out of the room silently after writing a note for Derek to bring the wheelchair with him. She carried her easily to the elevator and spotted Callie easily. The three of them grabbed a cab and went over to the church where Addie was freaking out.

"I don't know why I am getting married again," she was saying to Violet and Naomi. "I mean my first marriage obviously didn't work out, what makes me think this one will." She was pacing the room, half dressed in her dress.

"Addison, calm down," Violet said as they walked into the dressing room. She turned to look at them.

"How can I calm down?" she said turning back around. "My ex-husbands wife is in my wedding and my ex-husband is _coming_." Mere giggled.

"Addie, I think you should just take a deep breath," Meredith told her.

"I mean, it took me 16 years to finally pick Kevin, that doesn't show much promise," Addie fretted. "What if after a year he wants someone younger who can actually bear his children, not lay there like a fossil." Everyone laughed at that and she glared at them.

"Aunt Addie," Lyss said as loudly as she could. Addison turned around as she was looking up from Meredith's shoulder. "You can do this, I know you can. You deserve your happy ending and Kevin is your happy ending. Even if the marriage with my dad didn't work out very well look what it gave you..... a whole other family. So calm down, I know you can do this." Lyss took a painfully breath but looked up to stare into Addie's eyes.

All of a sudden Addie nodded and looked up.

"Okay, I am ready," she announced. This time, Lyss did really smile, or at least it looked like a smile.

"Way to go Lyss," Meredith whispered in her ear before she placed her down on the sofa that was in the dressing room. Addie began digging through the dress rack.

"Okay, here is yours Mere, it's purple, no pink like you said," Addie said handing the dress to her. "Callie, there is no bow on your ass." Callie smiled and took it. She handed a second one to Mere. "I'm not sure if it will fit but....." Meredith pulled out a dress that looked like it would fit an 8 year-old not a 14 year-old. But, as Mere helped Lyss slip into it, it actually fit. Meredith placed her her wig on her head gently and fixed it so it fell over her shoulders. After brushing it carefully Meredith stepped back and smiled. Addison came forward and smiled to.

"Lyss, you look beautiful!" she exclaimed. Lyss's face attempted to smile again.

"Not so sure about that," she whispered. "I'm a fifty pound fourteen year-old with pale skin....." She broke off as Meredith helped her up and led her to the mirror. Lyss's mouth dropped open, it was the best she looked in days. The dress covered her long skinny legs that stuck out awkwardly and and the color on her no longer made Lyss look pale. "I....." Mere kissed her on the cheek and set her back down. Addie went back into the bathroom. She fumbled around a bit crashing into a few stuff but minutes later she came back out with her dress.

"Oh Addie...." Meredith gasped.

"Aunt Addie, you look beautiful," Lyss whispered. Addie bent down beside her.

"I could have never done this without you Lyss. You believe in my happy ending," Addie told her. "And you are beautiful too."

"Not as much as you," Lyss told her. Addie wrapped her arms around Lyss and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered in her ear. Naomi pulled her away.

"Addie, you have the reception. I am not sure how happy you will be when you are going down the aisle with your make up half done and in no shoes," she hissed. Lyss giggled and closed her eyes..... she made it.

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Meredith didn't remember much of the ceremony. Her eyes were on Lyss the whole time. Watching her, making sure she was okay. But Lyss wasn't even looking back. Her eyes were glued on Addie, a weak smile on her face. She was leaning against Derek while Sophia was on her other side. She definitely stuck out in the crowd with her dress, and she did look beautiful. She looked the happiest she had since they allowed her to come back home. Her eyes were no longer dull, they were full of life, all for Addie.

Lyss never closed her eyes once, no matter how tired she must be. She just couldn't, and Mere knew it. As she was standing in front of the church between Callie and Violet all Meredith kept thinking was when the next time she would be in a church would be. They only ever went on Christmas and Easter occasionally. With such a big family it was hard to get everyone up and moving by 8 o'clock. This Christmas they had skipped church all together to be with Lyss in the hospital. Before Mere knew it her attention was back on Addie and Kevin. She had missed their vows.

"With this ring, I thee wed," Addie was already saying sliding the ring on Kevin's finger. Meredith saw her eyes shift to look out in the pews to the row Lyss was in. She gave the biggest smile she could managed and winked at her. Addie laughed and looked up into Kevin's eyes, tears ready.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the priest announced. "You may now kiss the bride." Kevin grabbed Addie tightly and pressed his lips onto hers. Meredith looked back at Lyss, she had finally closed her eyes and was resting on Derek's lap. She smiled softly at Derek and he gave her a tear-filled look back. Derek shifted Lyss to rest on his shoulder so he could pick her up easily. "I give you Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Nelson." They all filed in the back of the church. Lexie had just come back in grabbing the wheelchair for Derek.

"Thanks," he said quietly as he set Lyss into it. Lexie smiled softly at him and went over to congratulate Addie. Derek saw Meredith talking with Kevin and wrapped his arms around her.

"Derek," she murmured. "How's Lyss?"

"Sleeping," Derek said kissing her neck. "She stayed awake for the entire thing."

"I know, I didn't take my eyes off her until the end," Meredith admitted. "She didn't look at me once, she just watched Addie with this look in her eyes. I don't know if it was regret or happiness or sadness or a little of each."

"She's with us Mere," Derek told her. All of a sudden Noah came bouncing over.

"Mommy, you look pretty," he told her smiling sweetly. Meredith laughed and picked him up. He had a nice suit on. She would have paid good money to see Derek trying to put it on him this morning.

"Thank you buddy," she said kissing him. "And you look very handsome." Noah giggled.

"Aunt Addie," he squealed. Addie turned to him. "You look even prettier than Mommy!" She laughed and kissed him on the cheek, he then turned to Meredith who was feigning hurt.

"What did you say?" she teased. Almost immediately she began tickling him.

"Stop it Mommy," he squealed. Meredith just tickled him more. "Mommy, Mommy!" She kissed him on the cheek once more and put him down.

"Go find your brother silly," she told him. Noah nodded and scampered off to find Jake with Michael. She looked over at Lyss, still sound asleep, the commotion not even phasing her.

"Should I take her back?" Derek asked.

"She'll be mad Der if you do. And I would try and convince her but I am in the bridal party."

"She is too."

"Let's see if she wakes up in time," Meredith sighed and sank into his arms after kissing him deeply on the lips. "I hate this."

"Me too Mere," Derek murmured in her hair.

"Oh God," they heard Emma sigh.

"Now if I didn't know any better I would have thought you two got married," Cristina sneered from behind them. Meredith looked up and glared at her.

"Your my person, you are supposed to be on my side," she whined.

"I believe the definition of person is I kick your ass when you need it and make sure you don't mess up," Cristina told her.

"Derek, where are my nieces and nephews?" Kathleen asked. Derek looked around the crowd of people.

"Um...... Sophia is over there with Dylan," he told her. "Hayley and Paige are with Ali. Jake and Noah are with Michael and Trevor. Kels is with Talia and Morgan."

"And Lyss is......" Nancy began.

"Over there," Meredith pointed to Lyss asleep in her chair on the outskirts of the group. Lexie and George were by her.

"Okay," Elizabeth sighed. "Let's stop torturing them."

"Meredith," Violet called. Addison marched up to her.

"Get your ass over here," she glared at her jokingly. Mere laughed while Derek wrapped his arms protectively around her. "And you, let her go. She may be your wife, but I am your ex-wife and I know things about you..... from college....." Derek let go of Meredith immediately. "That's what I thought."

"My big strong man," Meredith sneered as Addie hauled her off to get pictures.

"Wait," she said stopping. "Where is Lyss?"

"She fell asleep Addie," Meredith told her. "We can try and wake her or see if she is awake." She was.... but very woozy and delirious, not able to stand either. So everyone settled for her sitting in the wheelchair next to Meredith. She had tried to smile but Lyss wasn't sure how well it actually came out. Lyss started shaking with effort by the time it was done making Meredith increasingly worried. She bent down in front of the wheelchair.

"Lyss, I think you should go back to the hotel...." she began.

"No!" Lyss choked out.

"Lyss, the reception is not until three. Daddy can take you home and you can have a good four hours to sleep. You need it badly baby."

"I know."

"It will be okay. I have to stay for more pictures and such."

"But what about Daddy?" Lyss asked turning to look at Derek. He was talking with Sam, Cooper, Pete, and Mark with Noah on his lap. "I don't want to take him away."

"Mere," Izzie called overhearing. "I can take her back."

"Iz, I can't ask you to do that," Meredith protested.

"She's my niece," Izzie told her. "And I am exhausted, I need some rest too. Me and Ali were planning on going anyway, we can crash in your room instead of ours."

"I don't know...." Mere started.

"Meredith, give me the damn keys to your hotel room. I promise it will be fine. It's for four hours, I will have her at the hall by three," Izzie said holding out her hand.

"Thanks," Meredith said graciously. She bent down beside Lyss. "Aunt Izzie is gonna take you to the hotel okay." Lyss nodded and closed her eyes. Meredith kissed her head and walked over to explain to Derek.

Four hours later, right on time, Izzie, Ali, and Lyss arrived at the reception hall. Izzie had fixed Lyss's wig to perfection combing the hair that was growing back into it. Meredith looked closer and saw that she had make-up on too.

"Izzie," she said shaking her head grabbing the wheelchair to pull up next to hers. The Shepherd's all had their own table there was so many of them. "Hey Lyss."

"Mommy," she murmured opening her eyes. "Where are we?"

"We are at the reception Lyss," Meredith said gently. Lyss sighed, when did she get there and how?

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Lyss wondered if she was a burden. If all of the people around her were just saying 'why is she still around, can't she just die already.' She knows it's not what their saying but, that is what she feels like. She's a load. She can't do anything for herself. Stand up, sit down, walk, get dressed, take, pills.... she can barely talk. Several hours felt like days, minutes felt like hours, she lost track of time. Lyss wasn't even sure how she got from the wedding to the reception.

All Lyss could think about was how beautiful and how happy Addison looked up on the altar. After everything that had happened in her life she finally got her happy ending. That was all Lyss could really remember about the wedding. She knew what happened, but she didn't care. The only thing that mattered was her Aunt Addie and that she was there to see it. Why couldn't she get that happy ending? Why did she have to get cancer?

Lyss saw the looks everyone were giving her. She was dying, she wasn't deaf or blind. When her eyes were closed people would talk about her like she was already gone. Last night when Addie, Kevin, Violet, Cooper, Sam, Naomi, Dell, and Pete first saw her she automatically recognized the confusion and distress on their faces. She has been seeing it often.

When a teacher, or class mate, or dance friend, or team mate, or drama buddy came by to see her their faces were identical. She was a stranger, not Lyss. Lyss didn't even feel like she was herself. Everything was slowly coming together. She was getting ready.

Before she knew it dinner was being served. Without cancer she would be eating hungrily and then running up to Addison. Before this she would have been out of the dance floor, grabbing Noah, or Ali, or Hayley, or Paige, or Sophia, or Jake, or Kels to dance with her. But that was what would have happened if she didn't have cancer. With cancer Lyss just sat there, waiting for the night to be over. The buffet was opened and almost everyone got up to get food, except Lyss.

What was the point? It was just wasting energy that she could be using to try and have fun. She was going to die anyway. She glanced at Addison. She was so happy, the smile she had on hasn't left since the point she saw Lyss in her dress. Lyss sighed and looked down. She ran her fingers over the fabric of the dress. She wouldn't have even had it on if she didn't have cancer, if she wasn't dying. Lyss could tell how much people were just carefully shuffling around her. No one she knew, but everyone knew her. Everyone knew she had cancer.

Time was slipping away from her. One minute her family had just come back to the table, the next everyone but Meredith and Derek were up. She moved slightly to look out on the dance floor. Sure enough they were all there, smiling, laughing, enjoying themselves for the first time in a while. Maybe they would be okay? Soon Izzie, Lexie, and Cristina are at her table chatting with Meredith. Every so often they glance towards Lyss, but her eyes are either closed or averted somewhere else. Especially when it was time for the first dance between Addie and Kevin. She just sat there with a soft smile and watched Addie look at Kevin lovingly.

"Lyss are you okay?" Meredith asked a little later.

"Yeah," Lyss said quietly. "I'm fine." Meredith stroked her cheek gently. All of a sudden Hayley, Paige, Sophia, Kelsey, Jake, and Noah came running up to the table. The girl grabbed Derek's hand while they boys grabbed Mere's.

"Woah!" Derek exclaimed as they giggled and pulled him onto the dance floor. "I don't dance in public!"

"You do now," Sophia countered. The boys were having a slightly more difficult time with Meredith. There were only two of them and Meredith just looked back at Lyss. Ever so slightly Lyss nodded her head and closed her eyes.

"We'll watch her Mere," Izzie called.

"Thanks," Meredith laughed as she let the boys tug her onto the dance floor. When she knew they were alone Lyss opened her eyes, Cristina, Izzie, and Lexie were looking at her.

"Did you think about it anymore?" Lyss asked softly.

"What?" Lexie asked.

"What I talked about a couple weeks ago...... do you think I will know what is happening? Do you think I will feel any different? I want to know what you think because, it's closer now then it was before," Lyss said quietly. Izzie moved closer and grabbed Lyss's hand stroking it softly with her thumb.

"I think you'll have a sense of it Lyss. Like you'll know that your going, you'll know that your ready," she answered.

"For true," Lyss whispered. Izzie nodded.

"When I talked to you guys back then, and I know it was only two weeks ago but it feels like more, I didn't think it would happen this soon," Lyss began.

"Oh Lyss," Cristina sighed.

"I thought I had more time you know. I didn't think it would get this bad, this fast. I thought I had months left, not days. And it's too soon. I haven't been able to say goodbye and tell everyone how much they mean to me," Lyss whimpered. Izzie stroked her arm up and down.

"Lyss," Izzie began.

"So I guess I better start with you guys," Lyss continued. "I couldn't have asked for better Aunt's than you. You were always there for me. When I was sick, hurt.... when I was pregnant I was able to come to you for help Aunt Izzie. I trusted you. You live next door and you were always there when I needed you. And Aunt Cristina, you always told me that my parents loved me, even when I wasn't sure. You always stuck by me and snuck me in to see pretty awesome surgeries. And Aunt Lexie....... you're my only blood Aunt I really have besides Aunt Molly. I could trust you with anything and I knew....... just. I guess I am just trying to say is that I will miss you all, so very much."

Almost immediately, holding back tears Izzie wrapped her arms around Lyss's small body. Lyss closed her eyes and sighed, especially as she felt two more pairs around her.

"I love you all," she whispered.

"We love you too Lyss," Izzie murmured. When they broke apart Lyss closed her eyes, she was getting tired.

"Just rest," Lexie murmured.

"It will be okay," Cristina said. That was the last thing she remembered before falling asleep. When she woke up it was perfect. Miranda, Callie, and Addison were there.

"Mhmm," she murmured to get their attention. Their eyes immediately shifted to her. Lyss looked around. She immediately spotted her parents out on the dance floor.

"Hey Lyss," Callie said.

"Just the people I wanted to see," Lyss said quietly.

"Huh?" Addie asked.

"You know how awesome you guys have been? Like all of my Aunt's...." Lyss whispered.

"Lyss...." Miranda said.

"But I just wish I had more time. Aunt Addie, you live in L.A, I only get to see you a couple times a year and that kills me," Lyss told her. "And Aunt Miranda and Aunt Callie, when you guys were put on my team, I almost regretted it. I didn't want to put it on you. I didn't want you to blame yourselves if this happened."

"Lyss, no one could control this," Callie said. "It would be hard...."

"It will be hard. Not only for me, but all of you. Of all the pain I am feeling I can't even imagine what it must be like to just watch me, and that hurts too, knowing that when I am gone and out of pain, all of you will still be in pain," Lyss whimpered. "I can't stand it."

"We'll be in pain Lyss," Miranda said.

"But we will also be out of pain knowing you aren't in pain anymore," Addie added. Lyss sighed.

"I wish dying were just simple," she whispered. "I wish it could just happen now." Again all three of them hugged her, Lyss was finally comforted.

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They smiled, they laughed, but their eyes betrayed them. Everyone was so happy. Everyone was enjoying themselves. But when Derek went out on the dance floor with the girls, he could see the pain they were going through. It wasn't until the end when they started sobbing. After the dance was over, they looked over at Lyss who was asleep, they couldn't keep it in anymore.

Meredith and Derek immediately took their kids to the back room in attempt to comfort them, it didn't work very well. they talked, everyone listened, but the tears weren't stopping. Who could blame them? It wasn't until about ten minutes later when everyone had calmed down enough to talk.

"It's just not fair," Kelsey wailed. "I want my older sister back. I want to go back to our life before the cancer."

"We were all happy," Jake said. "Will we ever return to that?" Derek sighed and ran his hands through his hair, he didn't have an answer. He had a hard enough time dealing with it let alone helping his children.

"I just don't know Jake," Derek murmured. "I just don't know." He couldn't do anything more to comfort them. Soon they had gotten it under control to go back into the reception but almost immediately the L.A friends had bombarded them, Addie missing, she was sitting with Lyss.

"Hey," Meredith murmured not meeting their gazes.

"Are you guys okay?" Naomi asked. "I mean besides the fact that Lyss...... your kids just kind of broke down."

"It's been happening a lot, to all of us, when Lyss looks vulnerable like she just did...." Derek trailed off.

"We can't imagine what you are going through," Dell said.

"Now it's more about Lyss getting out of pain then anything," Meredith murmured.

"I still can't believe it," Cooper shook his head.

"None of us can. One minute she was running around with Noah, like she never had cancer and then the next......... I found her delirious and shaking in bed, it reminded me of when she had her tumor," Meredith sighed.

"And there is nothing you can do?" Violet asked.

"She refuses treatment, she would have refused the blood transfusions if we practically didn't force her," Derek told them.

"It sucks," Pete muttered.

"I can't even believe how much she changed from the MOC party......" Sam said, then shook his head. "Izzie, how she comes up with these names." Meredith laughed.

"You should see her bake when she is upset, or decorate when she needs a distraction. It almost makes me regret letting her move into my house all those years ago," Meredith said with a smile.

"She's gonna be doing a lot of that now, isn't she," Violet said quietly. Derek turned around and looked at Lyss who was now speaking softly to Miranda, Callie, and Addie.

"Yeah," he said dully.

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Next chapter is reception part 2..... there is a really really really really cute moment with.... (never mind, I don't wanna say) This is the last little note at the end for this story because the rest will be a complete surprise to everyone but Anna (7LuckyStars) who helped me come up with everything that is to come.

A/N: Okay well I just said the next part is the reception :) ..... I don't really want to say what happens next though :) So that leaves about 7 or more chapters left! Okay so there are definitely more than 7 but I just don't feel like doing the math or planning that far ahead :)

I only got 8 reviews last chapter, could I ask for 10 reviews this one? :) THANKS!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	74. Chapter 74: Reception Part 2

****

Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

No little blurbs about this chapter...... it's completely a surprise! It's just a really cute moment between.............. The only thing I will say is it is all in Lyss's view.

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The night was coming to an end, she knew it. There had been all the dances. Father and daughter, mother and son, the first dance, they had thrown the bouquet and everything. Lyss was getting increasingly tired and increasingly weak. That's what generally happens when you haven't eaten in days. Or at least that she could remember. But no matter what, Lyss was still here. She wasn't even sure what time it was.

All she was sure was that her Mom was next to her, her siblings were out laughing on the dance floor, and that there had been a great amount of whispering going on around her. She knew that the reception or at least 'family time' wasn't going to end any time soon so Lyss figured she could just fall asleep. She made it there. She saw her Aunt Addie get married, there was only one task left for Lyss to do. Lyss began drifting off when she felt arms wrap around her and pick her up. Immediately Lyss's eyes shot open.

When she looked up she met the gaze of Mark.

"Uncle Mark?" she asked quietly. "What in the world are you doing?" She turned around to see a table of smiling faces and shook her head. Mark brought her to the middle of the dance floor and set her down where she stood on shaky legs.

"I thought I would have a dance with my goddaughter," he said with a smile and held out his hand. "May I have this dance?" Lyss giggled and blushed.

"I can't walk or anything very well," she admitted taking his hand.

"I know," he said. With a swift motion he brought her close. "You can stand on my feet." Lyss smiled as he helped her stand.

"Don't worry, I don't think I will hurt you at all," she laughed softly.

"I wouldn't mind if you did," he said as a slow song began to play.

"I'm gonna miss you Uncle Mark," she said quietly. "I won't have anyone to make me laugh or make me forget about the hard things."

"I will miss you too Lyss," Mark told her. "You were the closest thing I ever had to a daughter. I always dreamed of having one as great as you but when Nate....."

"We don't have to talk about that," she told him looking up into his eyes.

"You really are amazing Lyss," he said.

"Everyone in this family is," Lyss said. "All of you guys, the ones who have helped me through all of this. I am no ore special than any of you. Especially my siblings. They do so much stuff that I never knew about, and they are amazing."

"I know, it must run in the family," Mark said. "I sure am gonna miss seeing you up on the stage dancing or singing or acting. Or when you are on the field hockey field."

"They were all a really big part of my life. But not as much as my family was, or the hospital," Lyss admitted. "And I will miss playing field hockey, and dancing, and singing, and acting, but.... I'll be okay. I know I will."

"I believe that. You can do anything you set your mind to," Mark told her. Lyss looked around. The crowd was beginning to thin out on the dance floor. Everyone was desperate to see Lyss dance with her godfather. She should have seen what was coming next. From behind her she heard someone clear his throat. Mark frowned. Lyss turned around slowly to see Alex standing there with a grin on his face.

"I believe you had enough time Sloan," Alex said making Lyss giggled. "I think it's time for my turn to dance with my niece." Mark sighed and pushed the hair out of Lyss's face before kissing her once on the forehead.

"I love you Lyss," he said softly. Regretfully he let go and Alex took over, again letting her step on his feet.

"Hey Lyss," he said softly.

"Hi Uncle Alex," Lyss giggled.

"So...." Alex began unsure of what to say.

"You know how great you have been Uncle Alex?" Lyss said.

"Lyss," he said and blushed. Lyss giggled at his reaction.

"It's true. You were there for as long as I can remember. A few of my recitals, all of my plays, even the one's Ali wasn't in. You were there when I found out I was pregnant and when I wanted to apologize to my parents but I never got to because of my diagnosis. You lived next door for all of my life and I could always count on you.... and Aunt Izzie to be there for me," Lyss told him. Tears built up in Alex's eyes.

"When I was sick in the hospital you were in my room at least once a day. You distracted me and..... After induction, you were one of the speeches that I actually remembered. And trust me, I heard a lot," Lyss laughed weakly.

"Oh Lyss," Alex sighed. "I can still remember the day you were born. I had met your Aunt Izzie outside and sat next to you for three hour in the NICU. You held onto my fingers tightly and didn't want to let go. You were so strong back then. You were almost two months early yet you held on. I knew your father wouldn't have wanted you left alone so I sat there until your mother was awake."

"I always knew I had built a bond with all my Uncle's, but I didn't know how I built yours," Lyss said.

"I wouldn't let your Aunt Izzie leave the room until I held you," Alex laughed. "That day was always special. You were born, and that was when your Aunt Izzie told me she was pregnant with Ali."

"Now I do feel special," Lyss giggled. "I love you Uncle Alex."

"I love you too Lyss," Alex said and smiled at her, until a finger tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around for a second and saw George.

"Cool it O'Malley, you'll get your turn, just not yet," he said ignoring him.

"The songs over Alex, let me dance with my niece," George argued.

"Nope," he said and turned away from him.

"Uncle Alex, be nice," Lyss scolded and looked at him sternly, only joking. Alex looked down and sighed. He kissed her quickly and grudgingly handed her off to George.

"Thank you," George said over his shoulder to Alex and turned to Lyss.

"I am going to be doing this for a while aren't I?" she asked jokingly.

"We don't have to if you don't want to," George told her.

"No!" she said quickly shaking slightly with effort. "I want to." George smiled down at her and Lyss tried to smile back.

"I know we haven't always had the best relationship....." George started.

"What do you mean?" Lyss asked.

"You always connected with Mark and Alex much more than me," George said. Lyss giggled.

"That's not true," she told him. "I can't imagine my family without you."

"You can't?" he said amazed.

"Of course not. I mean, your my Uncle George," she said looking up at him. He blushed. "Your funny, lovable, a little geeky, but sweet, and you can always make me laugh. Your Bambi."

"You have been hanging out with Cristina way too much," he said shaking his head.

"Well if you would have ever sneaked me into a surgery...." Lyss inquired.

"Yeah," he said. "I almost killed a guy once because I looked up and saw you. One second you were there, the next second you were laughing along with Cristina, then my guy on the table coded and when I saved him I looked up again and you were gone." Lyss giggled.

"That's nothing," she said. "Did you hear about the time when my dad caught me and Chase......" Lyss sighed.

"He was a good kid Lyss," George said.

"He said once that you, Uncle Alex, Uncle Mark, and Uncle Owen had a little chat with him once, he couldn't look at you guys for a week," Lyss said.

"That's only because we saw him kissing you," George defended and Lyss blushed.

"It happened plenty of times Uncle George, I even told him I loved him," Lyss admitted.

"You did?" he asked.

"It was the first time too. You know to a boy who wasn't my family, not even to Bryan. He was a real jerk wasn't he," Lyss said.

"Lyss he is in juevy, I think that defines jerk," George laughed.

"If Uncle Kevin didn't tell the police about what happened he would have gotten caught soon anyway. He smoked pot, and sold a little," she saw George's eyes widen. "Don't worry, I didn't Uncle George."

"I know," he sighed.

"I'll miss you," Lyss said. George stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"Me too Lyss." As if like clock work as soon as the song was finished someone cleared their throat behind him. Lyss giggled when she saw Owen.

"It looks like your time is up Uncle George," she said with a weak smile. George smiled back and kissed her quickly before she was passed off once again.

"I don't think I will get tired of this," Lyss said as she stepped onto Owen's feet.

"You sure?" he asked.

"My body may be tired, but it's good to know how much my Uncle's love me," Lyss said looking up at him.

"Good, because we all do," he smiled. "Very much."

"Is it alright to be scared?" she asked.

"Oh Lyss," Owen sighed and paused slightly. "Yeah.... I think it's alright."

"Fear means I have something to lose, right?" Lyss said tearfully.

"Yeah, I guess it does," Owen said. Lyss sighed.

"I don't know if I can do this," Lyss whispered.

"Lyss......" Owen began.

"I mean like.... I don't know," Lyss sighed.

"I'm not good at this," Owen admitted. "I wasn't really a family person before I met your Aunt Cristina. Until I was welcomed into the tight knit family. Until I had my own children and considered all of the kids my own child. And now, losing you...... it's..."

"Difficult, hard, heart-breaking, I know," Lyss finished for him. "But I will be okay, I promise. And I will miss you." Lyss laughed weakly. "You were always the cool Uncle. The only one who could ever get Aunt Cristina to shut up. Personally I can't think of anything cooler then that. I mean, I have known her all my life and I can't get her to stop calling me half-pint or Mini-Mer."

"Lyss," Owen blushed. Lyss gave him a weak smile and they stood in silence until the song ended. Owen sighed and turned around to see Kevin walking over.

"Um Lyss..... I hope you don't mind," he mumbled. Owen like everyone bent down and kissed Lyss before handing her over.

"You're lucky Uncle Kevin," Lyss laughed. "That was the easiest one all day, everyone else had a fit when they had to let me go." Kevin smiled. "What?"

"I have waited a long time to become an Uncle is this huge family," he told her.

"You always were Uncle Kevin, to me," Lyss told him.

"But not officially," he said.

"Well I am glad that I was able to stay long enough for you to become my real Uncle," Lyss said.

"Me too," Kevin admitted. "I was always kind of the outcast at the parties before."

"With my Dad, Uncle Mark, and Uncle Richard there things could probably get intimidating," Lyss giggled.

"Yeah, kind of," Kevin said. The song was over quickly and he looked up to see another person walking up to dance with Lyss. "Speaking of Richard." Lyss turned around and smiled, Kevin was right. The next in the line-up. She was getting exhausted but these moments with her Uncle's were worth it. She knew a lot more then she was telling them.

"Hey Uncle Richard," Lyss said quietly.

"Hey Lyss," Richard smiled and grabbed her hand gently to guide her to his feet after Kevin kissed Lyss on the forehead.

"I was wondering how long it would take until it was your turn," Lyss said.

"Well I guess we had to save the best Uncle for last," he told her. "And I guess the oldest."

"Your not old to me Uncle Richard," Lyss giggled. "I still think of you as the chief who yelled at me or my parents whenever I was running through the halls of the hospital when I was little."

"You were always the most hyper of all of the kids in this family," Richard joked.

"Yeah, but that's why you all love me," Lyss smiled, her tears finally coming to surface.

"And the only kid who I ever caught in the gallery," he said trying to act serious but she couldn't miss the glint of amusement in his eye.

"Surgery is just so cool. I couldn't just settle for the Ellis Grey tapes my mom has, I needed to see the real thing," Lyss giggled. "Plus, Aunt Cristina was the only one who ever let me do it except for my parents once when I was in the hospital and begging, it was during induction."

"I guess the tape is not like the real thing but some of the other surgeons weren't to happy to have a 9 year-old in the OR gallery," Richard pointed out.

"I only did it once when was 9," Lyss said weakly. "It started increasing when I turned 11, especially after I broke my arm."

"Still doesn't make it right," Richard teased. Lyss stuck her tongue out at him. "I'll miss you Lyss."

"Me too," she said. "I have been saying that a lot. When I decided to give up I didn't think I would effect everyone this much."

"Everyone loves everyone in this family and we are one big unit. When one leaves, we all lose a piece of ourselves," Richard told her.

"I..... I never thought of it that way," Lyss said sadly looking down. Richard lifted her chin.

"No one blames you Lyss, you did what you had to do," he reassured. "And we respect that." Out of the corner of her eye Lyss saw Izzie walking up to the DJ. Some others were getting antsy with no fast songs but Lyss wasn't done yet. The dance floor was thinning out faster. Richard looked up and smiled. Lyss was confused as he bent down and kissed her without saying a word. Richard left her in the middle of the dance floor.

Lyss was about to attempt to walk back when two arms went around her neck and held a diamond necklace. Lyss gasped as she turned around. Derek stood with smiling holding a diamond necklace with the letter A. There were a few hearts around it.

"Daddy," Lyss gasped. Derek only smiled wider and turned her around to clasp the necklace around her neck. "It's beautiful." Lyss held it in her hands.

"Read the back, there an inscription," Derek informed her. Immediately she turned it over.

_Lyss, you will always be in my heart. With love, Daddy._

Tears sprang to her eyes and she started shaking.

"Daddy," she cried and hugged him tightly. She had no clue that the dance floor had cleared and every eye was on them. "I love you, thank you!" Derek wrapped his arms gently around her when the music started playing. Lyss gasped and looked up, she recognized the words immediately.

_Christopher Robin and I walked along  
Under branches lit up by the moon  
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore  
As our days disappeared all too soon  
But I've wandered much further today than I should  
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood_

"It's our song," she whispered as Derek took her hand.

"It is," he whispered back and held her close. They both knew what she was talking about. When Lyss was little, she loved Pooh, she had a stuffed animal of him. She couldn't go to bed without him by her side until she was about 7. She had loved anything and everything that had ever said the word Pooh. One day she heard the song and fell in love with it. Soon it became a routine that Derek would sit by her bed every night and play the song on the CD player until she fell asleep, it was the only way she would fall asleep. Lyss loved the song for the tune and the word Pooh, but Derek loved it for the fact that all his kids were still in the 'days of Pooh' back then.

_So help me if you can  
I've got to get back  
To the House at Pooh Corner by one  
You'd be surprised  
There's so much to be done  
Count all the bees in the hive  
Chase all the clouds from the sky  
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Po_oh

"Remember the time Lyss, when we were going to New York and we forgot him," Derek reminisced referring to the bear. Lyss nodded tears spilling out of her eyes. "You wouldn't stop sobbing on the plane, or the car ride, or even at the house. Not only that but you wouldn't let go of me. I had to run out to Toys R Us with you in my arms to buy a substitute." Lyss giggled and looked up at Derek.

"I love you Daddy," she repeated. Lyss looked out of the corner of her eye to see her mother. She was sitting next to Sophia, they were both on the verge of sobbing. Addie was too, virtually everyone was.

_Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do  
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose  
He came to me asking help and advice  
From here no one knows where he goes  
So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there  
How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear_

"Daddy," Lyss whispered.

"What angel?" Derek asked.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. Derek looked at her confused. "The day of my first chemo session, I told Mommy I was sorry, but never you. I screamed at you, disobeyed you, and never apologized. I am so so so so so sorry. I would give up so much to take all of that back."

"Oh baby I know," Derek whispered. "I knew you were sorry from the day you looked in my eyes were such terror when I had to tell you you had cancer."

_Help me if you can  
I've got to get back  
To the House at Pooh Corner by one  
You'd be surprised  
There's so much to be done  
Count all the bees in the hive  
Chase all the clouds from the sky  
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh_

"I wish..... I wish I knew what to do," Lyss whispered.

"Me too baby," Derek said using his thumb in attempt to stall her quickly flowing tears.

_It's hard to explain how a few precious things  
Seem to follow throughout all our lives  
After all's said and done I was watching my son  
Sleeping there with my bear by his side  
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going  
I swear that the old bear whispered "Boy welcome home_"

"It's coming soon Daddy. I can feel it," Lyss whispered.

"Oh Lyss," Derek sighed.

"It's okay Daddy. I'm ready. It doesn't hurt to much, and I..... I'm ready Daddy. I am ready to die." Everything is beginning to fall into place for this, have a meaning, have an understanding of absolutely everything going on around her.

_Believe me if you can  
I've finally come back  
To the House at Pooh Corner by one  
What do you know  
There's so much to be done  
Count all the bees in the hive  
Chase all the clouds from the sky  
Back to the days of Christopher Robin  
Back to the ways of Christopher Robin  
Back to the days of Pooh_

"I just wanted you to know that," Lyss whispered. "I'm ready. And I'm not scared."

"Your not?" Derek asked as there was a pause. Lyss looked up, afraid their dance was over. She wanted more time, she needed more time. All of a sudden a new song began to play.

_Three a.m. on the clock  
Lullaby, music box  
Oh, baby please don't cry  
Let's let mama sleep tonight  
You've only been home one day  
You don't even know your name  
Tiny hand on my cheek  
You're a miracle to me  
In the still ness of the night  
Cradled in this rocking chair  
I hold all my hopes and dre__ams,  
Every single answered prayer_

"Not anymore," Lyss whispered feeling comforted by the words. Fresh tears were springing to her eyes as was Derek. "But...."

"But what baby?" Derek asked looking in her deep green eyes. They were full of emotion.

"I...... don't....... want....... to...... die," she began sobbing and the stopped moving. Lyss just broke off and grabbed Derek for dear life hugging him. "I may be ready, but..... but it doesn't mean I want it to happen."

_In my arms  
Wish I could hold you forever  
In my arms  
I will give you shelter  
Still I know I can't always be there  
To protect you from this great big old world  
But I swear this much is true  
There'll always be a place for you...in my arms_

Derek wrapped his arms around her, his own tears now falling freely, choking back a sob as he tried to comfort her. The words of the song were dead on. He wanted this moment to last forever, Lyss in his arms. He never ever wanted to let go.

"Shhh," he soothed.

_As I watch you take each breath  
Oh, it scares me to death  
To know you're counting on me  
To be the daddy that you need  
Wounded knees, broken hearts  
Learning how to drive a car  
When it's time for your first date  
Will I know just what to say  
And when you find that one true love  
I'll put on my best smile  
And I'll try to hide my tears  
As I walk you down the aisle_

"I..... I never got to do anything," she sobbed. "We never went camping like you promised. We never went fishing again after the accident. I am missing so much. I will never go to high school, I will never learn to drive, I will never have a real boyfriend, I will never go to prom, or graduate, or go to college, become a surgeon, get married...... I'll never see Noah grow up and I will never see you and Mommy again until you guys are with me again."

Derek's throat tightened. He had no clue what to say.

"I don't want anyone to forget me!"

_In my arms  
Wish I could hold you forever  
In my arms  
I will give you shelter  
Still I know I can't always be there  
To protect you from this great big old world  
But I swear this much is true  
There'll always be a place for you...in my arms_

"Lyss..... no one will ever forget you. You danced, you played field hockey, you loved so many people. All of that has to go somewhere. In our hearts, We will never ever forget you, I promise. You'll always be with us," Derek soothed.

"I love you Daddy!" Lyss sobbed. Derek gently picked her up, Lyss resting her head on his shoulder. Lyss closed her eyes and sighed as Derek sat down at the table of now teary eyed and weeping girls. No one in the room had a dry eye, not even him. It felt so right to hold Lyss so tightly. He kissed her forehead gently as Meredith stroked her face. Lyss fell asleep, tears still running down her face.

_Oh, this promise I will keep  
As you finally fall asleep... in my arms_

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A/N: I don't really want to say what happens next :) So that leaves about 6 or more chapters left! Okay so there are definitely more than 6 but I just don't feel like doing the math or planning that far ahead :)

Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	75. Chapter 75: Afterwards

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**No little blurbs about this chapter...... it is now the end of them so don't expect any more hints :) I will tell you this, this chapter is more of a filler but provides some important......**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**Derek looked into the rear view mirror of the car and saw Lyss curled up in the back seat. She had been like that ever since they got in the car. After the reception Derek carried Lyss into the hotel without her stirring. Everyone fell asleep exhausted from the great night. He felt light, on a high after getting to have a last dance with Lyss, or at least they assumed it was. **

**The next morning they got up late, said goodbye to Addie at the airport on her way to Hawaii for her honeymoon, and returned to the hotel. Lyss again slept soundly through it. It was then when they all decided it was better to return home and with Addie gone and Meredith and Derek going home, everyone decided to leave. They packed up the room, checked out of the hotel, and were on the road back to Seattle.**

**Of course Sophia was upset now because she had to take a test on Monday that she was going to miss. But it was worth it for the sake of Lyss. Hayley sat next to Lyss and just looked at her sadly, trying to pass the time away. Two hours later the space needle was in sight, Lyss still asleep. Everyone figured it was from dancing and being on her feet for a long time, but she looked so happy, and all the men coming back from dancing with her looked changed in a way. Happier, brighter, more understanding.**

**Especially Derek. She had confessed more to him that he ever even thought about. He couldn't even grasp the concept that she was ready to go. It was too soon. When they got back home after picking Hershey up at the kennel Derek brought Lyss inside, everyone somber. Even the dog knew something was wrong. Derek placed her in her bed, pulled the covers up around her.**

**"Sleep tight my angel," he whispered in her ear while stroking her cheek. Meredith came in after.**

**"We'll see you tomorrow," she whispered before kissing her on the head. Quietly they turned around and shut her light and her door.**

**By now everyone knew how to behave when Lyss was sleeping, it had become part of their daily routine. Sophia was at the kitchen table, angrily flipping through pages of her book. Everyone else was just sitting around. **

**"It's 9 o'clock guys," Derek said. "Why don't you just have an early night."**

**"How can I?" Sophia hissed. "I have a Pre-Calculus test tomorrow. I was gonna take it on Tuesday but now that I am going to school I have to now! I haven't studied for it at all!" Meredith laughed.**

**"Here, let me help you," she said taking the book. Derek walked over to the couch where Noah was dosing on Kelsey.**

**"Noah, time for bed," he said quietly.**

**"Nuh-uh," Noah said tiredly shaking his head.**

**"Come on buddy, you're tired," Derek said picking him up.**

**"I'm not tired Daddy," Noah protested yawning.**

**"Mhm-hmm," Derek chuckled walking up the stairs after Noah kissed Meredith goodnight. Noah's head popped up when they walked past Lyss's room. It was right across the hall from his.**

**"Where's Lyssa?" he asked.**

**"She already in bed buddy, and now you should do the same," Derek told him.**

**"Oh..... okay," he finally agreed and rested his head on Derek's until he put him down and helped him get ready for bed. Derek put him into the bed, kissed his cheek, shut off the light, and closed the door. He came downstairs to find Meredith still studying with Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, and Jake watching TV.**

**"Hey Mom," Kels said turning around.**

**"Yeah Kels," she said without looking up from Sophia's book.**

**"Do you think I can use Lyss's wig when I go to school again?" she asked. She wasn't letting many people see her shorter hair, not until it all grew in.**

**"Why Kels?" Derek asked. "It's almost to your chin now."**

**"Because, people don't know about the accident, they thought I was just sick for the couple days I didn't come into school," Kelsey told them. A silence came over the group. Hayley spoke up first.**

**"That seems so long ago," she whispered.**

**"It was only like two months, wasn't it?" Paige asked. Meredith nodded. **

**"One of the worst days in my life," Meredith murmured. One of the others being the night she found Lyss on her floor, the day their nightmare had begun. The group continued in silence until soon it was only Sophia left still at the table with Mere.**

**"Okay miss," Meredith said closing her book. "It's almost 11 o'clock, time to go to bed."**

**"But Mom...." Sophia protested.**

**"I'm sure you'll do fine. You know this stuff. The only way you will fail is if you fall asleep in the middle of the test," Meredith told her. Derek chuckled. Sophia rolled her eyes at them and kissed them both on the cheek. Meredith sighed as she left.**

**"Let's go to bed Der, I'm exhausted," she said.**

**"Mhmm, good idea," Derek said kissing her on the lips. Meredith smacked him.**

**"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I did not mean it that way," she laughed. "The last time something like that happened I got pregnant with Noah!" Derek only kissed her again but looked into her eyes and saw her seriousness.**

**"Okay fine," he grumbled and turned off all the lights downstairs before walking up the stairs. Meredith was brushing her teeth while pulling down their bed when he entered.**

**"You are such an idiot," Meredith murmured. "To think we'd have sex with our kids in the house, them old enough to understand what's going on, and they have school tomorrow and you have work at noon."**

**"Noon," Derek said raising his eyebrows.**

**"Lyss," Meredith said simply crawling into bed.**

**"Our kids are ruining me," Derek chuckled as he took Meredith's arms and rolled over so both were facing the window.**

**"You'll live," Meredith murmured closing her eyes.**

**"I love you Mere."**

**"Love you too Der."**

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**"Come on Noah," Meredith said looking down on him on the couch, his eyes glued to the screen.**

**"I don't wanna go to preschool today, I'm sick," he said looking up at Meredith with innocent eyes. Meredith shook her head and bent down to feel his head.**

**"You don't feel warm," Meredith told him.**

**"But I am sick," he protested. Derek laughed coming down the stairs.**

**"Hey buddy, why don't I take you to school," he said. **

**"I don't wanna," he said smiling up at his parents.**

**"You have to buddy, or you won't be able to go to kindergarten next year," Derek told him.**

**"Oh.... okay!" Noah said miraculously getting better. He ran over to get his small dark green backpack. "Ready!"**

**"Shhh," Meredith quieted.**

**"Oh, I'm sorry, tell Lyssa that to," he whispered and ran towards the door attempting to reach up at it. Derek grabbed his coat and put it around Noah before opening the door.**

**"Bye Mere, be back soon," Derek said with a smile and left. As soon as he left, the silence was overpowering. She decided to go upstairs and wake Lyss up. Instead she ended up pulling up a chair and watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. Her chest rising and falling slowly. When she was asleep she didn't look too sick. It was when she talked, or when you saw her bloodshot eyes, or when the pale skin was actually compared to the light.**

**But in the dull darkness she looked like she did before she got sick. As if any minute she would wake up and freak out because she was late to school. Grab her field hockey bag or dance bag, tie up her hair, and bounce out of the room. Of course she had almost no hair now. It took almost twenty minutes for Meredith to realize something was wrong..... her breathing. Normally a little labored, it was different.**

**Raspy, hoarse, almost struggling. In the concentrated silence Mere finally caught on almost all at once. She heard Derek come in but she didn't care, she just ran to Lyss's bedside.**

**"Lyss," she said touching her gently. She was warm. "Lyss." She began shaking her. "Lyss, Lyss baby wake up! Lyss! Lyss! Lyss!" She shook her and nothing. Her hand went to find a pulse, it was there, but irregular, slower than it should be. She began shaking uncontrollably.**

**"Meredith! Meredith are you here?" Derek called into the seemingly empty house.**

**"DEREK!" she screeched and began sobbing. She knew what was happening, she knew what had happened. Derek's steps quickened up the stairwell and was by her side immediately.**

**"What?" he asked urgently.**

**"She won't wake up," she cried. Derek stared at her like he didn't believe it. With shaky hands he found her pulse and then began shaking her too. At once he scooped her up in his arms and ran down the stairs, Meredith following him still sobbing. Derek placed her in the car where Mere climbed in back and held her tightly. He sped off to the hospital not even thinking about it. He was in a trance and the car ride was awkwardly silent except for Meredith's muffled sobs. The got to the ER and Derek picked up Lyss who Meredith barely let go and ran into the ER his tears now evident.**

**Izzie, Miranda, and Owen were down there and saw him immediately. Derek's arms were shaking as he was barely able to stand.**

**"Derek," Miranda said touching his arm gently while Izzie went to Meredith. Everyone desperate for answers, not having any clue what was wrong with Lyss at the moment.**

**"She....... she won't wake up," he choked out. Izzie gasped as Owen took Lyss out of Derek's arms, she was completely still. Meredith legs collapsed as Izzie held her tightly, Derek stood his arms still outstretched looking where Miranda and Owen disappeared with Lyss. An hour later Meredith and Derek were in her same room Lyss laying on the bed, several machines were hooked up all around her. The only sound in the room was the beep from the heart monitor that indicated Lyss was still alive.**

**All of a sudden Cristina, Lexie, Alex, George, Mark, and Callie barged into the room, all of who had no clue. They just looked at Meredith and Derek, they knew exactly what they wanted to know.**

**"She's in a coma," Meredith whispered. "And probably will never wake up."**

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**A/N: So this leaves about 5 or more chapters left! Okay so there are definitely more than 5 but I just don't feel like doing the math or planning that far ahead :)**

**Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	76. Chapter 76: Life Support

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

No little blurbs about this chapter...... it is now the end of them so don't expect any more hints :) Also for all of you saying that if I do end up killing Lyss that I will lose a lot of viewers and will lose interest it's my story and my ideas so....... (This little rant was inspired by a review from Kbear)

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sophia really couldn't concentrate on the test in front of her. She hadn't studied hard enough and all she could think about was the wedding and Lyss. How happy she looked on the dance floor. How the diamond necklace sparkled on her neck. She had gone out with Derek to help pick it out along with Paige and Kels. Of course when she had walked into her math class she had tried to guilt the teacher into not letting her take the test.

"Hello Sophia, I thought you were not going to be in today," Mrs. Williams said. "How was your Aunt's wedding?"

"Oh well it was great, my Aunt Addie was really happy. And the reason we are here is because my sister...." Sophia started.

"The one with the cancer, right?" Mrs. Williams asked.

"Yeah, well she wasn't feeling well so we left earlier then we were planning. We didn't return home until late last night," Sophia told her.

"Well now that you are here today you can take the test, that won't be a problem, right?" And just like that she was forced to take the test. The one that would count for half her quarter grade. If she failed it she would have to repeat Pre-Calculus. That is why she was trying to concentrate hard. Just as she had gotten all other thoughts out of her head the phone rang in the room.

"Sorry," Mrs. Williams said and answered. "Room 245." There was a slight pause. "Yes, she is here." Sophia shook her head and tried to look at the page but for some reason she felt compelled to look up. "Oh my, that is horrible. Does she....." Sophia looked back down. "Oh good, okay, I will send her down right away with all her stuff, okay bye." She hung up the phone and Sophia sighed in relief so she could concentrate again. All of a sudden Mrs. Williams walked up to her desk and grabbed her test and moved it away from her slightly.

"What?" she asked confused while looking up at her.

"You don't have to finish the test sweetheart," Mrs. Williams told her gently, sorrow in her voice. Some of her friends and classmates began looking at them.

"Why not?" Sophia asked. Mrs. Williams sighed.

"Sophia," she breathed. "You're sister Alyssa fell into a coma...."

"NO!" Sophia screamed tears beginning to fall down her face.

"I know it's hard," Mrs. Williams said gently. "You're Aunt is down in the office with your brother and sisters to take you two the hospital." Sophia shook her head.

"This can't be happening," she sobbed as Mrs. Williams helped her up and grabbed her bag.

"Shhh, I know," she calmed and walked out of the door with her. She knocked on the next classroom over.

"What?" the teacher asked coming out from his empty room.

"Can you watch my class, I have to take Sophia down to the office," Mrs. Williams said simply and walked down with one hand on Sophia's back. Sophia was crying silently as the walk to the office seemed like it took forever. She was moving in slow motion. Her little sister was in a coma. She was shaking almost uncontrollably by the time they reached the office. Immediately she saw Hayley, Paige, Kels, and Jake huddled in a few chairs crying while Izzie was at the front desk talking to the secretary calmly.

"Aunt Izzie!" Sophia sobbed as she opened the door. Izzie turned around and looked at her sympathetically. Sophia ran over and into her arms. "It's not true, it can't be true."

"Shhh," she soothed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She led all of the kids into her car where everyone got in like zombies. The car ride was completely silent the only sound coming from the occasional sniffle. No one could believe it. When they got to the hospital they knew exactly how to get to her room, they have been there too many times before. By the time they reached the end of the maze of hallways and rooms they saw many people huddled outside the room. Nurses they knew, Dr. Hanes, all their Aunt's and Uncle's. When they approached their parents came out of the room.

The both looked over and saw them coming. Their eyes were puffy and red but neither were crying, they were both strangely calm. So calm that it scared all of them. Without a word they led them over to the room, that's when Meredith spoke.

"You're sister never really woke up from her nap in the car. I found her in bed. The infection she had came back, she caught something from the wedding. It took over her body. She is in a coma and probably will never wake up," Meredith told them gently.

"It's time for you to say goodbye," Derek told them softly. Sophia looked up at them and shook her head, tears coming down her cheeks again.

"No," Meredith said forcefully. "You can't cry right now. This time is for Lyss. She isn't going to leave to the sound of our crying, okay?"

"I.... I can't," Sophia sobbed. Everyone else behind her were too shocked and too weighed down by grief to answer.

"Sophia," Derek said. "Look at her. We can't keep her like this. She needs to be able to be free of it."

"I don't know what to say," Hayley spoke up since Sophia as too concentrated on making herself not cry.

"Just tell her how much you love her and goodbye," Derek said. "Me and your mother have, and your Aunt's and Uncle's will after you."

"What about Noah?" Jake asked.

"His friend Andrew's mom is picking him up from preschool today and letting him sleep over. She will bring him here tomorrow to say goodbye," Meredith explained.

"Sophia, Hayley, and Paige, you can go in first, then Kels and Jake, okay?" Derek told them. "Don't worry, we'll be in there too." Everyone nodded solemnly and walked silently passed everyone. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia entered the room with Meredith and Derek right behind them. There were so many tubes and wires coming off of her body that they weren't able to hold in a gasp.

"She's on life support right now," Meredith murmured. Hayley, Paige, and Sophia took their places at the side of her bed while Derek and Meredith stood at her feet.

"Just say goodbye," Derek told them. "I know she can hear you." The girls were silent for a moment until beginning.

"Hey Lyss," Sophia said quietly. She took her one hand while Hayley took her other. Paige was just stroking her arm up and down gently.

"You look so beautiful Lyss," Hayley said. "I love you very much."

"You were the best little sister ever, and you always will be. Remember that," Paige said.

"Remember that you can never be replaced, that we will always love you so much, and just know how much we will miss you," Sophia added. She bent down and kissed her cheek gently.

"Goodbye Lyss," she whispered. Hayley kissed her hand.

"Bye Lyss," she said. Paige bit her lip and kept stroking her arm.

"Goodbye Lyss," she whispered. Lyss murmured slight causing them all to jump.

"She can hear you," Meredith whispered. "She's saying all that back." Paige gasped and almost started sobbing. Meredith helped them walk out of the room while Jake and Kels came in. Jake went to her left, while Kelsey went to her right, both taking her hand.

"Hey Lyss," they both murmured.

"I know I wasn't the best little sister, and I know you said that I was but.... I was so mean to you and I'd give anything to take it back," Kelsey told her.

"And I always felt guilty for taking away your time in the spotlight for being born only a year after you.... but just know that you were... are the best sister ever," Jake said.

"I love you so much Lyss," Kels said.

"Me too," Jake added his voice getting tight.

"Goodbye," Kelsey whispered.

"Goodbye," Jake echoed. Meredith came back in and kissed them gently on the forehead before they left. At the same time Meredith and Derek sat down in the chairs that were placed by her bedside and sat down while taking her hand gently.

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This couldn't be her daughter. So small, so fragile, so lifeless. But it was, and she was scared. What Meredith was so afraid of happening in the beginning of the diagnosis was actually happening. Her hands were so delicate in hers. So perfect. One of the only things unchanged by the chemo, radiation, and intense treatment. This day was a day Meredith wished would never come.

"What should we do Mere?" Derek asked.

"I.... I don't know. I... I can't kill my daughter Der, I just can't," Meredith whimpered but willed herself not to cry by holding Lyss's hand a little tighter.

"But look at her Mere," Derek said looking down. His free hand moved to stroke Lyss's face gently. She no longer looked all skinny and weak. With all of the chemicals and antibiotics that were pumped in her the last few hours had made her body swell up.

"But your Mom and Addie and......" Meredith said. "CRAP!"

"We can call them now," Derek said gently.

"We.... we can't take her off until they say goodbye. She needs them to say goodbye to her, she won't let go, I know it, especially if Addie doesn't. I can't have her hanging on to nothing and living in pain for any longer," Meredith whispered.

"I got my Mom, you get Addie, okay Mere," Derek said calmly but Meredith knew it was slowly tearing him apart. "We'll be okay." Somehow Meredith doubted it. She had the rest of her kids on her side, she had her family, but no Lyss. There would only 8 of them, not 9. Meredith had no clue how she could survive knowing that there used to be 9. Her hands shaking she pulled out her cell phone. She knew she had to do this but was afraid of how Addie would react. She would ruin her honeymoon. But she could just imagine how mad and angry and upset she would be if they didn't call her. The phone rang three times before she picked up.

"Hello," Addie said into the phone. She sounded out of breath.

"Hey Addie," Mere whispered.

"Mere..... what... what's wrong?" Addie asked. Meredith took a deep breath.

"Lyss caught another infection," she murmured.

"Oh no, is she okay, is she even weaker?" Addie asked.

"Addison, this infection was really really bad," Meredith explained.

"No," Addie whispered.

"The infection took over her body. It's slowly shutting down all of her organs. She is in a coma and she doesn't have much time left," Meredith told her. Addie gasped.

"No, no, no," she whispered.

"I think it would be best for you to come back with Kevin. You know to say goodbye," Meredith said quietly. "She in her same room." She never got a reply back, Addie had hung up as soon as she finished talking.

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Derek felt a lump in his throat while he heard the phone ring. He just kept looking down at Lyss. One of his little girls in the hospital, dying. He never thought that this was possible. But it was happening. It was real. And all he wanted to do is run away. The necklace he had given her just two days earlier sparkled. How could he have been holding her so close then, and then do to this. He didn't hear his Mom pick up.

"Derek... Derek.... Derek, hello?" she said into the phone. Derek shook his head to clear his mind.

"Mom.... um, call in the girls too," he mumbled.

"Oh... okay Derek, but Derek, what's wrong?" she asked as he heard other numbers being dialed.

"I'll tell you when everyone is on," he said.

"Tell us what?" Kathleen asked getting on.

"Wait," he sighed. A minute later everyone else had received the call.

"Derek?" Emma inquired. "What is going on?"

"It's Lyss, she's in a coma," Derek sighed.

"Oh no," Nancy gasped.

"She... she isn't gonna wake up," Derek mumbled.

"We're flying in right away," Elizabeth said immediately.

"How is Mere holding up?" Kathleen asked.

"How are the kids?" Lyndsey asked.

"All hardly holding on," Derek whispered. That not only described everyone, but himself. "You should bring everyone. All the kids too. they may want to say goodbye to their cousin."

"Oh Derek I can't believe this," Nancy said.

"I know," Derek said dully. "I... I gotta go."

"But Derek...." Elizabeth says but he already hung up. He just sat back down and grabbed Lyss's hand again.

"Oh Lyss," he whispered. "I don't know what any of us will do without you."

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It hurt them all so much to see the people they considered family for over sixteen years break down. The kids, it was outer. They weren't in the room, they were allowed to let it out. But for Meredith and Derek, it was inner. They had to keep it all in, for Lyss's sake. Let their grief slowly eat away at them until she took her final breath. But she wasn't doing that yet, they still had her on life support so others could say goodbye. They wouldn't let her leave until everyone said goodbye. Lyss wouldn't want to leave until everyone said goodbye.

One by one they all came to Lyss's bed side, Meredith and Derek not far off. On the couch, staring at Lyss with a blank face, their expression unreadable, but everyone knew what they were thinking. Why her? Why now? Just plain why? Mark was the first one.

"Hey Lyss," he murmured. "After my dance with you the other day, I have never been more happier in my life. You made me feel.... I don't know, comforted because I know where you are going. And no matter how hard it will be for us just let go when you have to, okay? Don't hold on for too long, don't stay in pain. That's more painful then your death. We'll miss you, we'll all miss you so much but it's okay. Me, Uncle Mark, I am giving you permission to give up, okay?" He chuckled slightly and silent tear running down his face.

"You were like a daughter to me. And you always will be. Remember that okay," Mark choked out. "Remember how much fun we used to have, how much I used to tease you. How much I love you. Okay? So I guess what I am trying to say is goodbye....." He trailed off as he bent down to kiss her and smooth the hair that was struggling to grow in one last time.

He barely made it out of the room without crying. Next was Izzie.

"Hey Lyss," she whispered taking her hand. "Your amazing you know that. And you look so beautiful. When your up on the stage dancing, or acting, or singing I was always inspired. Do you know how much I will miss you? I guess you probably do. I was always so happy that I got to live next door to you. You were almost always smiling or laughing or having fun. Ali will be in here later, don't worry, she has to end school first. Just always know that I love you so much and that our family will never be the same without you, so...... goodbye Lyss." With one stroke of her cheek and kiss on her forehead Izzie was gone.

Next was Lexie.

"Lyss, oh Lyss," she whispered. "I never thought we would come to this. But I just wanted to let you know that I'll miss you. I mean you're one of my actually nieces. Actually blood. You don't know how upset I was when I wasn't a match. I even had Thatcher get tested. Damnit, I shouldn't have said his name. But he sobered up, I think because he found out he had more grandchildren and wanted to make an impression or something. You see Lyss, you are so special that you made an alcoholic sober up. I wish you could have met him when my Mom was alive, she would have loved you."

"She would have loved you as much as I love you. So.... I guess as one of your only real Aunt's in Seattle I am saying go into the light or whatever. Get out of pain. Be happy again. Goodbye." Lexie didn't even make it passed her bedside before her tears came.

Next was Alex.

"Hey," he said taking her hand. "I really don't know what to say. I am not good at this... so I guess I will just tell you everything I know. I know your a dancer, an amazing dancer and I will miss that. I know your a field hockey player, amazing at that too, and I will miss that. I know you act and sing as well, and are phenomenal at that, and I will miss that as well. You amaze me at everything you do. And I know exactly what you'd be saying right now if you could speak..... that everyone is amazing, and it's true. That's just the kind of person you are Lyss, always thinking the best of people."

"So I guess what I am saying is I love you Lyss and will miss you but I have to say goodbye so.... goodbye."

Next was Cristina.

"Half-pint, Mini-Mere, Lyss, all of my nicknames for you," Cristina whispered. "All one person. All one beautiful, amazing, wonderful niece. Never in my life would I think I would say this to anyone. When I got out of med school and started my internship I thought I'd live and die alone, not become this mushy family person. Then I met your Mom, she was dark and twisty yet strangely happy. And I thought, I can be happy too. She became my person, I became friends with her, Izzie, George, and I guess I will even say Alex. Now I know that family life isn't mushy, because through your Mom and all of my friends I found your Uncle Owen and he is what I needed."

"And now I am this happy family person with Tally and Trev and your Uncle Owen and with everyone. And now I am a happy family person saying goodbye to my niece. You are so much like your Mom, the hair, the smile, the laugh, the face, the size, the snoring, and the clumsiness and messiness. Maybe that is why we are really close. Maybe that's why I can actually say that I love you and I will miss you. And that's also why I know I have to say goodbye because I can't keep you here like this. So goodbye half-pint...... I mean Lyss." Then unlike Cristina she started crying as soon as she left her side.

Next was Miranda.

"Lyss....." Miranda started. "Personally I don't even know how I made it into this family. I was the one yelling and screaming at your Mom and Dad for screwing around, and at all your Aunt's and Uncle's for doing stupid things. Then all of a sudden, I was invited to things like Thanksgiving and Easter and... all I know is I never regret it. I don't know what my life would have been like if I didn't have the people I did as interns. It made my family. Your my family Lyss. I know you don't want me to blame myself but I can't help it. I was on your team, I should have come up with a better plan, started induction sooner or something."

"I know it's too late for that but just no I tried so hard. When I found out I couldn't wake you up, I almost broke down. So...... goodbye Lyss."

Next was George.

"Hi Lyss," he said shyly, he didn't know why. "I made a lot of mistakes in my life. You probably know most of them. And then I have a lot of good things. One is marrying your Aunt Lexie. You were my niece no matter what but besides Mark who practically is your dad's brother I am your only real Uncle. I always felt special because of that. Yet I was always Bambi, nothing could change that. But you looked past that. You just thought of me as Uncle George. So I just wanted to say I love you Lyss and goodbye. And Morgan will be here later, she is coming with Ali and all your friends so don't worry."

Next was Richard.

"I am chief, I am chief of this hospital and I control everything that goes on, but why can't I control this," Richard whispered. "I wish I could. So badly. But you probably want to go, get out of all of this pain. And I respect that. You have my respect Lyss. You always did. I know you could have made it as a surgeon, trust me, I trained a bunch and I got them ready. I only wish you got to fulfill your dream. So I will keep this short and sweet okay...... I love you and goodbye."

Next was Callie.

"Hey Lyss," she whispered. "Remember when you broke your arm and needed surgery..... of course you do, you still have the scar. You came into the OR sobbing but you were so brave, you were so brave through all your treatment. Up to the point when you can't talk anymore right now. I never thought that was possible. It was so hard to get into this family and I am so glad I did, I would have never had you as a niece and I am so happy about that." Her hand brushed her face gently. "I love you Lyss, remember that okay. And that I will miss you. So... goodbye."

Finally was Owen.

"Lyss," Owen said after a moment of silence. "I know you have probably been hearing a lot of things like I miss you, I love you. And all of those things are what I feel towards you. And.... and I have no clue what to say right now. I was brought into this family. And before Tally and Trevor were born all of the kids of the others were like my kids too, and everyone is still now that I have my own. And losing you.... it's like losing my own kids because..... oh Lyss. I guess I will say it, I love you, I'll miss you so..... goodbye."

And then, Meredith and Derek were left alone in the room with Lyss again. The only noise in the room was her more raspy and labored breathing. They both grabbed her hand again and sighed.

"Oh Derek," Meredith sighed before kissing Lyss gently on the head. Lyss murmured again, her head moved back and forth a couple of times, and both her hands tightened a little on Meredith and Derek's. They looked up immediately.

"I know Mere," Derek whispered finally after another awkward silence. "I know."

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A/N: So this leaves about 4 or more chapters left! Okay so there are definitely more than 4 but I just don't feel like doing the math or planning that far ahead :)

The part where Lyss's body kind of swelled up can actually happen. My uncle had diabetic neuropathy for two years and last May, the 21st to be exact, two days after my birthday I might add, he died. After they gave him morphine and a bunch of other drugs to make his journey less painful and he no longer looked weak and pale when I looked into the casket.

Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	77. Chapter 77: Goodbye

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

No little blurbs about this chapter...... it is now the end of them so don't expect any more hints :) Also for all of you saying that if I do end up killing Lyss that I will lose a lot of viewers and will lose interest it's my story and my ideas so....... This chapter is just kind of an add on from last chapter......

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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None of them could believe it. The girl in the bed couldn't be Alyssa Danielle Shepherd. But it was, and they had no clue what to say. She was their friend and they were scared. None of them could lose her but they knew they couldn't keep her like this. Derek and Meredith stood in the corner eyes on Lyss. At the doorway stood Ali, Melissa, Hannah, Becca, Ava, Brittany, and Morgan. They were stunned, shocked, and they couldn't move. They didn't know what to do. Izzie leaned forward to urge them on.

"It's okay," she whispered. "Just tell her how good of a friend she has been, that you will miss her and love her. But you have to say goodbye, she won't let go when they take her off the machines if you girls don't say goodbye, she won't let go. We can't keep her like this."

Ali was the first one to step forward, all the other girls following. They carefully made a circle around her small body.

"Hey Lyss," Ali murmured all the others echoing.

"You're the best you know that," Melissa said. "And we'll miss you so much that it hurts."

"But it also hurts to see you like this," Becca added. "And we know you have to let go."

"I don't know what we will do without you Lyss," Hannah said.

"But it's okay, we'll survive," Ava said.

"You don't know how much we wish we could make this journey with you," Brittany told her.

"You don't know how much I will miss you at our families get together's," Morgan said.

"Or in dance class whether it's company, ballet, or tap," Melissa murmured.

"How much I will miss hearing you call me Becks," Becca added.

"Or watching you play field hockey," Ava said.

"How much I have always looked up to you," Morgan said.

"And will miss living next door to you," Ali sighed.

"We all love you so much," Brittany told her.

"We couldn't imagine our lives without you," Hannah said.

"You were... are the best friend ever and we'll never forget you," Ava added.

"We are all best friends forever and nothing..." Becca said.

"Even death," Melissa added.

"Will ever change that," Ali finished. Lyss's head moved back and forth a couple of times and her lips quivered as if she wanted to tell them something sad. The girls all looked up immediately and gasped. She was listening and telling them the same thing, they knew it.

"Goodbye Lyss," Hannah whispered silent tears falling down her cheeks.

"Goodbye," everyone else echoed. They each turned to her and kissed her gently on the cheek before leaving the room.

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The Shepherd's moved as a group, faces solemn, through the halls of Seattle Grace the next day. It wasn't hard to find Lyss's room, it was right by the nurses station. Besides, Lyss's friends, her siblings, and a few of her Aunt's and Uncle's were in the waiting room. None of them have left. Her friends and siblings were given off from school. They went there first. Immediately most of the looked up. Kelsey ran forward towards Elizabeth.

"Nana," she sobbed.

"Shhh," she soothed.

"I..... my sister is dying!" she continued sobbing.

"I know, I know," Elizabeth murmured gravely. She turned to the rest of the Shepherd kids aware Noah was missing. None of them looked like they slept a wink, nor did they look like they were getting up any time soon. They were all weighed down by grief. Gently Elizabeth guided Kels back to a seat where Jill sat with her along with Lori and Kristen. The entire Shepherd Clan was here. Joey was back with Michael, Adam, and Katie at the hotel. Most of the cousins sat down in the chairs except Lily.

Kathleen just came up to her, kissed her on the forehead, and helped lead her to Lyss's room.

"You can go first baby," she said. Lily shook her head and cowered back. Meredith and Derek were again by her bedside kissing her hand and talking to her softly. Derek looked up and saw them. He had tears in his eyes but he wasn't about to let them fall.

"Lily," he said sadly. "You have to say goodbye to your cousin." She only shook her head crying and started backing up.

"Lily," Meredith said. "She needs you to say goodbye to her too. Lyss was closer to you then any of your other cousins. Their goodbye wouldn't mean as much as yours."

"I don't know what to say," she whimpered.

"Just tell her you love her," Kathleen murmured in her ear. Lily nodded and walked forward wiping the tears away. Meanwhile Elizabeth and the others hugged Meredith and Derek.

"Hey Lyss," she whispered. "I don't know what to say..... just...... I love you okay, remember that. Your my cousin, my best friend, and you always will be so..... goodbye." She held her hand to her face and kissed it gently. "I'll miss you." Meredith walked in a touched her back gently. Lily turned immediately and began sobbing into her chest. Meredith stayed strong and moved to the corner of the room with her while the adults came in. The men stayed silent, their eyes glued on Lyss, everyone had equal expressions on.

"Hi Lyss," Kathleen said.

"You're on stubborn girl," Nancy laughed slightly. "And you don't know how much I will miss that."

"I'm you grandmother," Elizabeth said. "I'm supposed to go before you, but I don't think that's happening."

"You're an amazing girl Lyss," Emma said.

"And don't worry about your family. We'll be okay, and we'll help your parents be okay," Lyndsey said.

"We all love you very much," Nancy told her.

"And we will all miss you immensely," Kathleen said.

"So I guess we have to say goodbye," Emma whispered. Even the men had tears in their eyes as they left the room.

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Meredith and Derek hadn't planned on Noah coming this early. But Andrew's mom had to go to work and his dad too. They spotted him easily running happily down the hallway, completely oblivious. He was four, that was to be expected. For the first time Meredith and Derek fully left Lyss's room so they could bend down beside him and explain. Meanwhile the nurses had to check a few things.

"Mommy, Daddy!" Noah called cheerfully.

"Noah," Meredith said gently. "We have to be quiet here."

"Okay," he whispered with a smile still on his face. "Why are we here and where is Lyssa?"

"Lyss is in the room," Derek told him. Noah's eyes lit up and was about to dart in but Derek grabbed his arms before he could. "Wait.... we have to explain something."

"Okay Daddy," Noah said looking up at them.

"You know how Lyss is taking a trip," Meredith asked him. He nodded. "Well she is getting ready to leave." His lip quivered slightly.

"But she didn't say goodbye," he whimpered.

"But you are able to say goodbye," Derek told him.

"Really?" Noah said his eyes lighting up again.

"Yes," Meredith said sadly. "Remember how your friend Lucy was asleep and couldn't wake up before she went on her trip."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I shaked her and shaked her but she wouldn't wake up."

"That's because she was getting ready for her trip," Derek said.

"And that's what Lyss is doing right now," Meredith explained.

"So Lyssa won't wake up?" Noah asked.

"I'm afraid not Noah," Derek said glancing up at his family who was around the corner watching.

"But you get to say goodbye," Meredith reassured him as his lips quivered again.

"Okay," Noah said timidly.

"She may look a little scary but she will never look like that again," Derek explained preparing him.

"And all the machines around her are helping her get ready too," Meredith added.

"Are you ready?" Derek asked. Noah nodded. Derek and Meredith both took his hand and walked into Lyss's room with him. Derek sat down in his chair and lifted Noah up on his lap.

"Lyssa," Noah whimpered and touched her hand but snatched it back.

"It's okay buddy," Meredith said from the other side.

"Hi Lyssa," Noah said. "Mommy and Daddy said I halfta say goodbye to you. I.... I hope you have fun on your trip. And... say hi to Lucy for me and..... I'll miss you and I love you Lyssa. Bye." He reached out his hand and stroked her cheek once. Derek lifted him back up and carried him out of the room where Izzie was standing.

"Hey Noah," she said giving him a smile despite how tired and upset she was. "You want to come with me." She held out her hand as Derek set him down.

"Okay," he said happily and took it. Meredith and Derek watched him walk down the hall.

"It's almost over Der," she whispered tearfully. There were only two people who weren't there yet. As if they read their mind Addie and Kevin came sprinting down the hallway.

"Good we're not too late," Addie said. "I was afraid we were...." She broke off as she looked into the room. Tears sprang to her eyes. "LYSS!"

"Oh my god," Kevin murmured. She quickly grabbed his wife and hugged her tightly as she sobbed. Meredith just looked back at Lyss. She was used to it. For the past 36 hours she was used to seeing her daughter look so small, trapped, in pain.

"Meredith I don't think I can do this," Addie said.

"Addie you must," Meredith said forcefully. "We need to let her go." Meredith didn't say any more, she just walked fully into the room and stood in the corner leaning against the wall. She just stared at Lyss silently. It was about 2 minutes later when Addie and Kevin came in. Addie grabbed Lyss's hand almost immediately.

"Hey Lyss," Addie murmured. Meredith closed her eyes. Every time someone was saying goodbye it started with the same thing and every time she heard it, it got harder and harder to listen.

"Your like a daughter to me Lyss. And I am sure you have heard that a lot the past few hours, especially from Mark, but just know how special it is for me. I can't have kids, you were the closest thing I ever had. You were..... are my goddaughter. And this is so hard for me..... I left my honeymoon to say goodbye to you Lyss. Me and your Uncle Kevin." Kevin twined his hands with Addie's. "And I love you so much Lyss and have never been more inspired by someone in my whole life. You can dance, sing, act, play field hockey and....... I have to say it, I know I have to say it. I can't keep you here, because I am the one keeping you here........ goodbye Lyss." She bent down and kissed her gently on the cheek.

Lyss had no reaction this time like she did with her friends and her parents, she had barely any fight in her left. Meredith wasn't sure when they left, just her urgency to get to her side when she realized Addie was gone. She knew she wouldn't let Lyss die alone.

"Oh god Lyss," she whispered. "I love you so much. And I know what I have to do..... I just don't want to. But I know you want me to. I know you want to go. And I won't be the selfish mother who keeps her daughter on life support longer then she should. I am respecting your wishes." It was then when Meredith realized there was one promise that she hadn't kept.

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A/N: So this leaves about 3 or more chapters left! Okay so there are definitely more than but I just don't feel like doing the math or planning that far ahead :) Next chapter will be kind of short.......

Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	78. Chapter 78: Almost Over

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

No little blurbs about this chapter...... it is now the end of them so don't expect any more hints :) This chapter is just kind of an add on from last chapter and shorter......

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Oh I am sorry I forgot Lyss," Meredith sighed and kissed her hand. "Don't worry."

"Mere," Derek said softly sitting down beside her.

"Der I...." Mere began until interrupted by Izzie, Alex, Mark, Cristina, and Lexie coming into the room.

"Guys, I think you should try and get some rest, maybe take a shower," Izzie said gently. Derek shook his head. Meredith opened her mouth to protest.

"Mere, you look like crap, she won't go anywhere yet," Lexie told them. Alex and Mark went to Derek's side while Lexie and Cristina went to Meredith's side. Izzie took Mere's seat.

"But..." Mere protested. They weren't letting her keep her promise.

"I will be right here Mere," Izzie promised. "I won't leave her or let anything happen." Mere looked at Izzie and all her friends who came into the room. She knew they were right. A little longer wouldn't hurt and she hadn't taken a shower since the wedding. Her hair was only in a loose ponytail and if she looked half as bad as Derek did she would be down right disgusting.

"Fine," she breathed tearfully as they helped them out of the room. Izzie only gave them a comforting smile and took Lyss's hand in hers.

"Don't worry Lyss," she whispered. "We'll take care of them when you are gone. All of us. They will be okay. Just know that okay Lyss, you're family will be fine."

"Do you actually believe that?" a new voice said from behind. Izzie turned around and smiled slightly when she saw Sophia at the doorway frozen.

"Sophia," Izzie sighed.

"I.... I wanted to see her one more time," she whispered. Cautiously Sophia sat down in the seat her father just left across the bed from Izzie. "So do you.... believe that we'll be okay?"

"I think, maybe not at first. But death isn't the end....." Izzie told her. "It's just a new beginning."

"I wish it felt that way," Sophia spat.

"Oh Soph," Izzie breathed.

"I can't believe this is happening! This isn't supposed to be like this! She was supposed to survive, she was supposed to fight it off. None of us were ever supposed to get sick, we were never supposed to.... die," Sophia whimpered starting to cry.

"I know," Izzie murmured looking down at Lyss.

"Aunt Izzie?" Sophia asked tears flowing freely down her face.

"Yeah," Izzie said not looking up from Lyss.

"What do you think Lyss would have done?" she asked.

"I'm not quiet sure what you are talking about," Izzie told her.

"If we were switched. If I was in the bed or any of us and she was in the position we are now. What do you think she would have done?" she asked timidly.

"I...." Izzie stuttered but her voice grew stronger. "She would have stayed strong, I think. Made sure that we knew that she loved her and stay strong."

"Then I have to do that for her," Sophia stated wiping her eyes.

"Sophia, you don't have to," Izzie told her.

"I have to do it, for Lyss," was all she said. There was an uncomfortable silence.

"What do you think she wants?" Sophia asked. "Right now?"

"I think she wants to let go Sophia," Izzie said gently. "She has fought so hard for the past 6 months between all the chemo, radiation, surgeries, and hospital stays. Lyss doesn't have much fight left in her after all that pain. She wants to and needs to let go. To escape all of that."

"I know," she whispered. "But I wish it wasn't true."

"Me too, so much," Izzie said reaching her hand over Lyss's to grab Sophia's.

"But I also want her to be out of pain."

"I agree."

"She deserves to be out of pain." Izzie only nodded and looked back at Lyss. Sophia was right, she did.

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Derek walked calmly back into Lyss's room. Izzie was there as she promised.

"Hi Derek," Izzie said dully.

"How is she?" Derek asked.

"Breathing is a little harsher and her vitals dropped a little. Plus her urine output has stopped completely," Izzie told him sadly.

"Her kidney's are failing," Derek said in a monotone voice. Izzie bit her lip and nodded.

"And her brain activity has gone down a little," she said her voice barely above a whisper. Derek buried his face in his hands. "She doesn't have much time left."

"My daughter she...." he stuttered. Tears began to flow.

"No Derek, not now," Izzie said strongly. "There is a time for tears and a time for being there for Lyss. And this is a time for no tears. You need to stay strong for Lyss."

"I know," Derek sighed. Izzie hugged him tightly.

"Everything will be okay," Izzie whispered. "I know it will."

"How?" Derek choked out.

"Because you are Meredith and Derek..... and you have your family behind you," Izzie told him her voice wavering slightly.

"Thanks Iz," Derek whispered and they broke apart. Both had fresh tears in their eyes but Derek was quick to wipe his away.

"I know it's hard," Izzie told him gently. "But I urge you and Mere to make the decision to take her off life support, there's not much more we can do, only make her comfortable."

"We... we need a little more time," Derek said.

"Take all the time you need," Izzie said rubbing his arm. "We're all here if you need us." With that Izzie left and left Derek alone with his daughter. He sat in his usual seat and took out his wallet. he had a mass of picture in the pockets. Each one of his kids had a pocket with the most recent in front. For everyone but Lyss it was their school picture. But Derek and Meredith had refused to buy Lyss's. His fingers ran over the pocket. It was just a picture of Lyss alone on the beach. She had let Jake and Noah bury her in the sand. Her eyes were narrowed at the camera and her tongue sticking out at it. He remembered when he took it.

_"Can I get up now?" Lyss whined._

_"No Lyssa," Noah said sweetly._

_"Why?" she asked. She looked around._

_"Because," he said looking at her innocently._

_"Because why?" Lyss asked. Noah giggled as Derek came in front of her._

_"Because of this," he said and pointed the camera at her. Lyss narrowed her eyes and stuck out her tongue._

_"Dad," she whined. "Mom!"_

_"You let them bury you Lyss," Meredith giggled. She got up angrily sand falling every where. Lyss didn't answer she just stalked over to the ocean to get washed off._

Derek took more of them out. The next one was Lyss dressed up in a drama outfit. She was smiling next to Ali.

_"Smile," Derek said as he flashed the picture._

_"Ugh it's bright," Lyss groaned as the flash went off. _

_"I'd think you'd be used to it," Derek said with a smirk._

_"Then you get up on the stage where pictures are flashing constantly and the brightest possible lights there are in your face," Lyss hissed playfully. Just then Meredith and Izzie came over with flowers the rest of the family behind them. Lyss rolled her eyes._

_"You girls were great out there," Meredith said._

_"Thanks," Ali and Lyss said simultaneously flashing them a smile._

_"Half-pint, that's abnormal, look how much make-up you have on," Cristina said._

_"Aunt Cristina," Lyss whined._

_"She was the star," Lexie told them._

_"Only because this play was for people in 6th grade and younger," Lyss informed them._

"Hey Der," Meredith said from the door closing it behind her. Derek looked up. Her hair was soaked from the shower.

"Hey," he whispered.

"What are you looking at?" she asked.

"Just pictures," he told her quietly. Meredith pulled the chair around to his side and looked over his shoulder as he flipped to the next picture. Meredith sucked in a breath as she looked at it. It was dated January 21st, 2011. The day Lyss was born.

"Oh Der," she breathed. It was Meredith holding a tiny Lyss in her arms and pink hat over her head.

"She was so tiny," Derek breathed.

"But she was a fighter," Meredith said as a tear slipped down her chin and fell on her shirt.

"I'll never forget that day," Derek said.

"I was terrified. I thought that something terrible would happen and that Lyss wouldn't be healthy," Meredith admitted.

"But she was," Derek whispered. She was, but she isn't anymore. Meredith pulled her purse close and began digging through it. She found her wallet and went right for Lyss's pocket as well. But when she saw the first picture she began sobbing. "Mere, what is it?"

"This," she said shakily holding up the picture. It was Lyss in her dance costume from the recital they missed.

"Oh," Derek said quietly.

"Der, we hurt her so badly. We never got to see her dance again," Meredith sobbed. "I don't want it to end like this."

"I know Mere," Derek whispered in her ear. He held her close to his body. A few minutes later her sobs subsided.

"But we.... we can't..... we have to..... but I can't...." Mere stuttered out. She couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"We.... we have to end her suffering Mere," Derek said quietly running his thumb over the picture of Lyss the day she was born. "It's an impossible, horrible, and heart breaking decision we know we have to make. It's our responsibility."

"I know," Meredith whispered. "But I also know what we have to do."

"What?" he asked softly.

"We have to bring her home," Meredith told him. She shifted to look in his eyes. All she saw was confusion. "She.... she.... Remember when she asked us to let her go. Of course you do, I never will. Remember one of the reasons?"

"She didn't want to die in the hospital," Derek whispered.

"She didn't. And I won't be able to live with myself if..." Meredith began but broke off as Derek walked out of the room silently. Meredith got up and followed him. Miranda, Richard, and a few other people were standing there. They looked at them not expecting what he was about to say.

"We need to take her home," Derek stated.

"Wha-What?" Miranda asked. Meredith spoke from behind him.

"She didn't want to die in the hospital," she said softly. "I can't let her die in the hospital."

"Does that mean?" Izzie asked.

"Yes," Meredith whispered.

"But not until she is home. In her bed. Where she wanted to die," Derek said firmly. There was an uncomfortable silence.

"We'll arrange for an ambulance to drop her off," Richard said finally. Meredith sighed.

"Thank you," she whispered tears in her eyes.

"You will have to leave the room for us to get her ready for transport but..." Miranda said.

"I don't care what we have to do or what you have to do," Meredith said. "Just get my baby home." Izzie put her hand on Mere's shoulder. She just turned to hug her tightly.

"It's almost over Iz," she whispered.

"I know Mere," Izzie said watching Miranda enter the room, the chief on the phone, and Derek standing at the window looking in, his face blank. "It's almost over." Meredith broke off suddenly and walked down the hall to tell everyone else. Lyss's pain and suffering would finally end in a couple hours.

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A/N: So this leaves about 7 chapters left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)

Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	79. Chapter 79: Afterlife

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Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)

No little blurbs about this chapter...... it is now the end of them so don't expect any more hints :)

THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!

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When she opened her eyes she immediately recognized the room she was in. It was her room. She should know, she spent Christmas there and more than a month for induction. Her hands went to her head, she felt hair. It was to her shoulders like it was before the cancer. Lyss was confused. Very confused.

"What's, what's happening," she stuttered. When she looked around there were no familiar faces, no ridiculously large amounts of chairs pushed in her room, no machines, nothing.

"Mom! Dad!" she called. Quickly she hopped out of bed. She wasn't in a hospital gown but in regular clothes. Lyss ran to the door and opened it. Everything was strangely dark. Lyss knew this hospital by heart and nothing was where it should be. The nurses station, empty, the gurney's, no where to be seen.

"Help," she called out. "What's, what's happening!" And then she remembered the discussion with her Mom the day after she gave up. After life.

"Is anyone here?" she called. From behind her someone chuckled. Lyss was scared. Quickly she spun around where to figures were sitting on her bed.

"Just as naive as her mother," the man said to the woman.

"I should know," the woman laughed.

"Who..... who are you?" Lyss asked walking towards them timidly.

"Think hard Alyssa," the woman said. "You know who we are." She looked into her eyes. Emerald, same as hers. Dirty blond hair, like her mothers. The man, she knew she saw him before.

"Ellis...." she asked the woman.

"Yes," Ellis nodded. Lyss turned to the man.

"My... my Aunt Izzie has a picture of you in her house..." Lyss stated. "Denny?"

"Yes," Denny nodded.

"Am I dead?" Lyss asked.

"Yes," a new voice said from behind her. Lyss spun around, she knew that voice. A smile spread across her lips as she squealed like a little girl.

"Chase!"

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Meredith and Derek followed the gurney closely as it was wheeled down the hallway. Izzie was on one side pushing it, while Miranda was at the other. A few nurses helped wheel down all the machines close behind it.

"Our car," Meredith whispered.

"Mere, give me your keys," Izzie said overhearing. "I rode with Alex so I will drive it over after we helped you guys into the ambulance."

"Thanks," Meredith said dully. The Shepherd's, Addie, and Kevin already went back to the house taking the kids with them. Elizabeth was going to drop Noah off at his friend Andrew's again. His mother volunteered to look after him so he didn't have to be home. When they got to the end of the hallway to the ambulance bay half the hospital staff was there.

Everyone knew it would be the last time Lyss was ever in the hospital alive. Dr. Hanes was there, Dr. Hoffman the therapist, most of the nursing staff. Everyone loved Lyss. As they walked down the middle they heard several people say "Goodbye Lyss" or other things. Meredith couldn't believe that it was actually the end. Right outside the ambulance her family stood, teary eyed and solemn.

"We'll be over as soon as we can," Mark answered for them all.

"We know," Derek whispered.

"Just don't...." Cristina started.

"We wouldn't," Meredith reassured. "Not until you are all there." Everyone nodded. "Thanks for being here."

"Don't mention it Mere," Lexie said. Five minutes later the ambulance sped off for the last step in Lyss's journey.

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"I've missed you so much," Lyss cried and threw her arms around him. "You had dark hair. I had no clue!"

"You shouldn't be here," Chase said flatly. Lyss took a step back.

"Why?" she asked. "Don't you want to be with me again?"

"I'd do anything for that Lyss, but just because I died doesn't mean you should," Chase said.

"Wait... I'm not dead yet?" Lyss asked.

"Not yet," Ellis spoke up. "You're on life support."

"I'm on what?" Lyss spat. "But my Mom promised."

"Calm down," Denny said. "We're not quite sure what's happening right now."

"What do you mean?" Lyss asked.

"It means we were sent here to take you over," Chase explained. "But we can't."

"You're the only one who can," Ellis told her.

"What?" she asked.

"You have to let go," another voice said. Lyss turned around.

"Lucy? Lucy is that you?" Lyss asked the new person.

"Yes it is," she answered. She still sounded like a little girl, but behind it held so much wisdom.

"You're beautiful," Lyss whispered. "And your hair...." Lucy smiled, it was now relaxed, no longer distorted by a tumor. "I'm confused."

"You're the only one who knows what's really happening Lyss," Chase explained. "Your body is still alive. Something is happening, we just don't know what it is."

"How can I know?" Lyss asked.

"Concentrate," Denny said. "Close your eyes and concentrate." Lyss sat down and shut her eyes tightly. Briefly the little world she was in disappeared. She felt pain and suffering all in one moment. She gasped but held on.

_"We love you Lyss," she heard her parents whisper._

"Mom, Dad?" Lyss called.

_"We're almost home, you can let go soon," she heard her Mom say. _

_Something touched her hand. Everything was dark but she felt something at her hand. Grasp on to it tightly and hold on. Lyss squeezed back but she felt nothing again. In the background she heard sirens. All of a sudden her eyes shot open. Lyss was gasping for breath._

"I... I can't breath," Lyss choked out.

"You have to fight it," Chase said. "Just ride it out." For the next few minutes Lyss struggled to get air in her lungs until finally she let out a sigh of relief.

"They're letting me go," Lyss told the ghosts after a few moments of silence.

"They are?" Ellis questioned. Lyss nodded.

"I.... I think they are bringing me home, or something. They were saying something about how I can let go soon," Lyss explained.

"You could hear them?" Chase asked.

"Yes," Lyss said. "What actually..... what happened to me?"

"You caught an infection," Ellis explained. "It put you into a coma." Lyss sighed and stood up. She began pacing back and forth in the hallway.

"What are you doing?" Lucy asked.

"Trying to find out what I did to mess up my life. You know, what I did to deserve to die," Lyss muttered.

"Lyss," Chase sighed.

"I mean I did a whole lot of shitty things," Lyss muttered. "I stole make-up from my Mom was I was like 3. Oh and then the tantrum at Disney World and running away at Thanksgiving. And the whole rebellion thing, and to top it all off getting pregnant."

"Alyssa stop it," Ellis said. "It's not helping at all."

"You're one to talk," Lyss spat angrily. "You called me my mom ordinary. You gave her the worse childhood ever. You criticized her for choosing my Dad!"

"I know, and I regret it all," Ellis sighed.

"Yeah right," Lyss said in a huff.

"She was a great mother," Ellis said. "Despite everything I did to probably break her. She put her kids before her career."

"Always," Lyss sighed. Tears started coming out of her eyes. "Oh god." She looked back up, no one was there.

"Hello?!" she called out. "Chase! Lucy! Ellis! Denny!" There was no answer, just silence.

"Oh what did I do?" Lyss cried. She began walking down the hallway. She knew every hall, every room of the hospital. She walked past Richard's office. She smiled softly and sat down in the big chair.

_"Lyss what are you doing here?" Richard asked. She was looking around the hospital near the nurses station, Lyss was about 4._

_"The day care is boring," she complained looking up at him._

_"But we can't have little girls wandering around the halls alone," Richard laughed and picked her up. "Where are your parents?"_

_"I dunno," Lyss said and giggled as Richard tickled her stomach._

_"Okay well I better...." he began. "Why don't you come to my office?"_

_"Okay," she giggled as Richard put her down. Richard grabbed her hands and lead her to his office. "This is bigger then my daddy's."_

_"Yeah," Richard said. He laughed as he watched Lyss climb up on his chair. "Hello chief Shepherd." _

_"My name's Alyssa Uncle Richard," Lyss laughed._

_"I know that silly," Richard said._

_"Richard," Derek said barging into the room. "Lyss disappeared..... Lyss." Lyss giggled._

"I always dreamed that this would be my office one day," Ellis said. Lyss looked up abruptly.

"Where did you go?" she asked. "Do you just come and go as you please."

"Pretty much," Ellis laughed.

"How can you be happy, I am dying," Lyss sighed.

"You are a lot like your Mom Alyssa," Ellis said. "When she was your age she looked exactly like you." Lyss smiled.

"I wish I was able to grow older. I always wanted to be just like her. Be a neurosurgeon and everything," Lyss said wistfully. But when she looked over Ellis was gone. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" Lyss got up in a huff and walked out of the door. She walked towards the stairs. She smiled softly as she made it to the tunnels. Her Aunt's had brought her here so many times, never again.

"It's not fair," she whispered running her hands over the gurney. "I want to live." Lyss sighed and walked back up the stairs. She was still alone. This time Lyss went to her father's office, but it wasn't empty, there was someone in his chair. Lyss screamed.

"Don't be scared," the man said.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"You'll be able to figure it out," he said flashing her a crooked smile. Was everyone so vague in this place? His hair was dark and curly while his eyes were a piercing deep blue.

"Grandpa?" she asked. He smiled again.

"Christopher Shepherd," he said sticking his hand out to shake her hand.

"My dad looks just like you," Lyss breathed.

"And so does Jake, right?" he asked.

"You know Jake?" Lyss gasped.

"When we are here we can't see things, but you can see everything in....." he started.

"Heaven," she breathed.

"Yeah, I saw every day of your life Lyss," he said.

"No one has really called me Lyss here, except Chase," Lyss told him with a smile.

"Well I am family," Christopher said.

"Yeah.... I guess," Lyss whispered sitting on the couch.

"Do you regret giving up?" he asked. Lyss nodded and started crying.

"I wish I fought harder," Lyss cried. "I don't want to just see them. I want..... I want to talk to my family."

"There isn't a day that I don't regret just giving the men the watch," Christopher told her.

"Does it ever go away?" Lyss asked. But he was gone. Lyss smiled. She got up and ran her fingers over her father's desk and walked out towards the OR floor. OR 3. Every single one of her surgeries were in OR 3. Appendectomy, for her arm, bone marrow and termination, and her tumor removal. Lyss walked into the OR and walked up to the table. Everything was the same as she remembered. Slowly she laid down on the table and looked up at the ceiling.

_"You ready to go to sleep now," Meredith asked wiping away her tears._

_"Okay Mommy," 6 year old Lyss whimpered. They gently out the mask on her face as her eyes fluttered close._

That was her appendectomy.

_"Only you would break your arm by getting hit by a ball," Callie teased looking down at her. _

_"It's not funny," Lyss whined. She was 11. Her eyes traveled to the gallery, there were several people in there. "It hurts."_

_"Then shut up and count backwards from 100," Callie said. Lyss breathed in deeply and began counting until her eyes closed._

That was when her arm was broken.

_"You okay Lyss?" Miranda asked 13 year old Lyss. Lyss shook her head tears coming down her face._

_"I have cancer," Lyss whispered. "Am I supposed to be fine?"_

_"I guess not, but I know you can fight it," Miranda reassured._

_"What is happening again?" Lyss asked._

_"We're going to drill into the bone marrow, and terminate....." she began._

_"The baby," Lyss whispered. _

_"You ready?" she asked. Lyss nodded and fell asleep tears still flowing._

That was only 7 months ago.

_"Okay, you ready Alyssa," Dr. Hendricks said happily. Lyss nodded. "Are you okay?"_

_"I have a tumor in my brain and I have AML," Lyss stated._

_"And I am going to help get rid of one of them," he said. Lyss sighed as her eyes closed._

That was only _3_ months ago. 3 months.

"What are you doing?" Chase asked from the gallery.

"Reminiscing," she told him. She walked out of the OR and up to the next floor. Chase met her near the day care.

"About what?" he asked.

"My childhood here," Lyss told him smiling softly. She turned to the day care. "I spent so much time here it's not even funny."

"So you can give me a tour," he said and grabbed her hand.

"Sure," Lyss giggled and walked in. "This is the play room. You know, we colored, played with toys, hide and seek, that kind of stuff."

"Fun," Chase laughed.

"This is where we spent nap time," Lyss told him in the room of beds. "I spent a lot of time in this room. I was bored a lot so I'd fall asleep."

"So you were lazy," Chase teased.

"Shut up," she said sitting on a bed. "I've missed this."

"Me too," Chase breathed.

"You know what else I missed?" Lyss asked.

"What?" Chase said with a knowing glint in his eyes.

"This," Lyss whispered and leaned in to kiss him passionately. She grabbed his face and closed her eyes. She was plummeted into a world of darkness again. Back to all the pain and suffering.

_"We'll miss you Lyss," she heard Meredith and Derek say. Lyss gasped. "We love you."_

_"We won't be mad if you let go," Meredith told her. She felt something around her hand again. Something tickled her face as well._

_"We understand," Derek said. "And we'll be okay."_

_"Everyone will be fine, we promise," Meredith vowed._

_"Goodbye Lyss," they whispered simultaneously. She couldn't breath again. She began gasping for air her body shaking with effort._

"Lyss... Lyss... are you okay," she heard Chase say urgently.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Lyss cried. "I don't want to die. I can't die... I..... I have so much to do and....." She felt arms wrap around her, but they weren't Chase's. She looked up confused but Chase only nodded. Lyss breathed deeply and closed her eyes and allowed the invisible arms around her comfort her. She knew it was her parent's and she also knew it was time.

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A/N: So this leaves about 6 chapters left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)

Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	80. Chapter 80: In My Arms

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**No little blurbs about this chapter...... it is now the end of them so don't expect any more hints :)**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**"Dr. Bailey, what are you doing here?" Richard called down the hallway.**

**"I work here sir," she said gruffly and began shuffling papers around.**

**"I know that Miranda," he countered grabbing the papers in her hand and placing down on a shelf. "I meant why aren't you at the house."**

**"I'm, I'm not a soft person," she said and turned around.**

**"That may be true but it doesn't mean that you can't go comfort your family and say goodbye to your niece," Richard told her.**

**"I already said goodbye to Lyss," Miranda informed him.**

**"Miranda," Richard scolded. "We both know that you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if you weren't there when it actually happens."**

**"I know," she admitted. "Wait.... you are here lecturing me when you aren't even there."**

**"I am heading there now, why don't I drive you," Richard said. Miranda only nodded and followed him to his car.**

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**"We're here," Meredith whispered as the ambulance doors opened. They lifted the gurney out and all of the equipment where they met the Shepherd's, Addison, Kevin, their kids, and Lyss's friends. Izzie was right behind them with the car while Alex pulled into his own driveway.**

**"Come on," Derek said as they helped wheel the gurney into the house. They weren't aware of much that was going on, who was really there. Just that they had to get Lyss to her room. It took about twenty minutes to get Lyss and everything up there and set up. It looked so right to have her back in her room. By then everyone was there, gathered on the sides of her bed and a little overflowing into the hallway. There was complete silence except the beep of the heart monitor and the buzz from the life support.**

**Callie, Richard, Adele, Owen, and Kevin leaned against the ballet bar. Elizabeth, Kathleen, Nancy, Lyndsey, and Emma were near her closet with their husbands close by. The cousins minus Lily were huddled in the corner, some spilling out into the hallway. Lily was with Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, Jake, Morgan, Ali, Ava, Becca, Brittany, Hannah, Nikki, and Melissa. Miranda, Izzie, Alex, Cristina, George, Lexie, Mark, and Addie hovered near her foot board. Everyone was in tears.**

**Meredith was standing on one side while Derek was on the other. Derek's hand walked over to the heart monitor and turned it off. None of them wanted to hear the plummeting vitals when it happened. Meredith's hand went to the life support machine but it froze. Her eyes were glued on Lyss. Her hand began to shake and tears started freely flowing down her cheeks.**

**"Meredith," Izzie sighed tearfully. She ignored her.**

**"Meredith," Miranda said firmly, walked over, and grabbed her hand gently. Mere looked over. She guided her hand down to her side and put her hand on the off button. "Just say when." Meredith and Derek looked back at Lyss. Mere's hand met her cheek and began stroking it softly. At the same moment they both looked at each other and nodded.**

**"When," Meredith choked out. After a moments hesitation Miranda switched the machine to off. The only sound in the room was Lyss's breathing. It was wheezy, shallow, labored, and raspy. Her chest began struggling to rise and fall. But it kept going. Sophia began sobbing and soon Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, Lily, and several others were too. Slowly they left the room and went downstairs.**

**Meredith and Derek didn't say a word, their eyes were staring at Lyss. Her mouth was opened slightly allowing air to get in. One by one people began to disappear out of the room. Besides Meredith and Derek, Izzie, Alex, Lexie, George, and Cristina were the only one's left. Silently Alex and George left the room to grab two chairs and put them at Lyss's beside. Meredith and Derek didn't move.**

**Alex and George went to Derek, grabbed his arms gently and guided him to the seat. he collapsed in it gratefully and grabbed Lyss's hand. When Lexie, Izzie, and Cristina went to Mere, she wouldn't budge. After two minutes of persisting Meredith sat down on Lyss's bed and laid down beside her, gathering her small body in her arms. Without a word everyone left leaving Meredith and Derek alone.**

**An hour went by.**

**The only change was that Derek had moved to hold both Mere and Lyss in his arms. They were both crying silently. For a few minutes Lyss's breathing stopped. They thought it was over. Both of them stopped breathing too. Then, just like before, her breathing started again. It was more wheezy now, irregular, straining. Meredith let out a sigh of relief but at the same time was angry. She could just get out of all the pain.**

**"My poor baby," Derek whispered planting a kiss on her cheek. "Why is it so hard for her to let go?" They knew the answer. It was Lyss. Lyss fought hard, she strove for perfection, she wouldn't give up until there was no hope left. And that was what she was doing now.**

**Never in their life did they believe they would be in the position they are right now. Never in their life did they think they would have to hold their daughter to her death. Be by her death-bed. If only they could go back to the days when this couldn't happened. When they were a family, and they could never die.**

**_Christopher Robin and I walked along  
Under branches lit up by the moon  
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore  
As our days disappeared all too soon  
But I've wandered much further today than I should  
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood_**

**Only three days ago Derek held Lyss in his arms so close as they swayed back and forth on the dance floor. That was all she could do, she didn't have much fight left, even then.**

**As Lyss took each breath they heard it, felt it. How much pain she was going through just to breathe, just to have a few last moments with her parents.**

**_"Hello Alyssa Danielle Shepherd, I am your Mommy."_**

**14 years ago Meredith held Lyss in her arms after giving birth to her. Two months earlier then she was supposed to. Lyss was a fighter even back then.**

**Another hour went by.**

**Lyss's breathing was harder to listen to now. Yet it was strangely comforting. To know she was still alive. Meredith and Derek could have held her forever, if only it meant she'd still be with them. But this wasn't how anyone wanted Lyss to live. To remember her. Her bright emerald green eyes shut forever. The wispy blond hair struggling to grow once more on her head. The only thing that was calming was her face. Smoothed peacefully and relaxed. She was beautiful.**

**It was close, they could feel it. And they didn't want it to come. Her skin felt colder, hard against their touch making Meredith cringe. Derek, feeling her tense up let go a little and took a deep breath. It needed to happen. It was too painful to watch her go on like this anymore. But Lyss kept breathing. An hour passed until she was ready to go. An hour of silence, pain, and impossible reality.**

**Meredith knew it. Derek knew it. Lyss knew it too, although she could talk anymore. Everyone few minutes they would stroke her face or kiss her hand. Their faces twisted in pain and hurt and held their breath. Meredith buried her nose into the hair that was left on Lyss's head. She smelled like a dying person, but Mere didn't care. Derek ran his arms up and down her pale white arms in attempt to comfort her one last time before she went.**

**_"Hey baby, you like your family." Meredith asked a newborn Lyss while kissing her forehead as she fell asleep in her arms. "I love you."_**

**_"Don't leave me Mommy," a six year old Lyss wailed as she sat in a gurney ready to go into the OR._**

**_"DON'T .....EVER.... DO....... THAT.... AGAIN!" Meredith cried and holding a bleeding and scared 8 year old Lyss after she ran away.  
"I'm.... sorry," Lyss whispered._**

**_"STOP TREATING ME LIKE A BABY!" Rebellious 13 year old Lyss screamed after being caught by her father at the movies kissing Bryan.  
"I WILL WHEN YOU STOP ACTING LIKE ONE, WE TRUSTED YOU!" Derek countered._**

**_"ALYSSA DANIELLE SHEPHERD ANSWER YOUR MOTHER, ARE YOU PREGNANT!" Derek screamed grabbing her arms harshly to turn her to face him.  
"YES!" she cried. Meredith and Derek stood there for a second. Their faces unreadable._**

**_"GET OUT," Lyss screamed at them. "GET OUT I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"_**

**_Meredith ran into Lyss's room and almost fell over the motionless body on the floor. "Lyss, Lyss, sweetie wake up," she shook her daughter's body and her hand went to find a pulse. It was there but she was still unconscious._**

**_The words on the page stick out like a sore thumb. Acute myelogenous leukemia. Meredith's hand twined with Derek and they cried together. They were terrified. Their daughter had cancer._**

**_"Daddy," Lyss pleaded like a little girl again.  
"Baby girl," he said stroking her face, the precious fights forgotten. "Acute Myelogenous, AML is uh.... is a form of cancer."  
"Cancer," Lyss whispered her body shaking. "I have cancer..... no, I can't have cancer.... no Daddy no!" she said and started to cry. Meredith bent down and hugged her tightly crying as well. Lyss started to shake in Mere's arms. Derek held both of them and coaxed._**

**_"I love you too Daddy. And I love you Mommy. But I am so scared," she sounded like a little girl._**

**_"So I am asking you," Lyss said trying to calm down. "If you love me...." She turned to everyone else. "You would let me go, because it is what I want. It is what I need. Because, I don't want Noah seeing me like this, I don't want you all seeing me like this. I just want to go home. So please.... I am begging you.... let me go." She started to shake again. Tearfully she looked at her parents._ **

**They hold her body so tightly they think she might break.**

**I_n my arms  
Wish I could hold you forever  
In my arms  
I will give you shelter  
Still I know I can't always be there  
To protect you from this great big old world_**

**"It's okay," Derek murmured into her ear. "It's okay." Meredith kissed Lyss's cheek lightly and tightened her hold. She could feel her bones sticking out underneath the pale skin.**

**Lyss's breath hitched once, twice, and she let out a slight whimper as Meredith and Derek felt the life slip out of her. Her chest still forever. Slightly her mouthed slackened, her eyes absolutely still, and the silence was almost unbearable. It was only a second but to Meredith and Derek, it lasted a lifetime.**

**Meredith let out a wail that pierced the silent air. Her unchecked crying was the only thing heard in the house. Derek began crying too, trying to keep a tight hold on Meredith who was shaking uncontrollably. A part of their own life just left with her.**

**_But I swear this much is true  
There'll always be a place for you...in my arms_**

**Lyss has died where she belonged forever, in their arms.**

**_Oh, this promise I will keep  
As you finally fall asleep... in my arms_**

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**A/N: So this leaves about 5 chapters left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)**

**Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	81. Chapter 81: She's Gone

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**And yes..... Lyss is actually dead. No dream or anything, that actually happened. And it hurt a lot and was risky because after you develop a character you kind of get attached to it. And it doesn't help that I see some of myself in Lyss so it's kind of like..... okay, the only reason I did it was because I had to keep it realistic. No real person could fall into a coma after and infection took over her body, and live. I mean her kidney's were failing and her brain activity was slowly slipping too. So don't be mad, because it is all for a reason..... now. **

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**Downstairs was complete silence. Complete silence except for the occasional shifting of people, quiet sobs, Lexie calling Molly to tell her what was going on, and a few people asking "How come she hasn't let go yet?" Everyone just kept staring at the clock, listening for Meredith and Derek's cries. Because as soon as they heard it they knew it was over.**

**People were scattered all over the living room and kitchen. Izzie, Alex, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige were on the couch staring forward. Kelsey and Jake were huddled on the chair next to the TV. Miranda, Richard, Adele, Callie, Kevin, and Elizabeth were at the kitchen table. Ali, Becca, Brittany, Ava, Melissa, Nikki, and Lily were sitting on the bench near the bottom of the stairs, a few on the floor. Nancy, Kathleen, Emma, Lyndsey, and their husband were sitting in some of the chairs they pulled out from the back room. The cousins were just all sitting on the floor or at the dining room table, silent. Cristina hovered with Owen between Kels and Jake, and Lyss's friends making sure they are alright. Lexie stood next to George in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. Mark and Addie just stood at the bottom of the stairs and stared up.**

**As every hour went by they became more and more anxious. More and more scared. What would they do without Lyss? She was one person in the family but was one important part. When it happened they all knew, even before they heard Meredith wail. There was a chill in the air, and there was no movement, no sound at all. When the sound of sobs came from upstairs a relived sigh traveled around the group before their tears came. And before that everyone looked at the clock.**

**It was Miranda who called it.**

**"Time of death," she whispered. "15:32." Sophia began sobbing along with her siblings. Alex held Hayley and Paige as they cried while Izzie held Sophia. Owen went over to Kels and Jake who were holding each other tightly while sobbing. Cristina was with Lyss's friends, she cried, but held them. Mark couldn't stand any longer as his sobs took control. He sat down on the steps. For about 10 minutes the entire house was filled with tears until they knew what they had to do.**

**Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels took comfort in each other on the couch sobbing in each other's arms. Lyss's friends and cousins did the same. Quietly Izzie, Cristina, Lexie, Alex, and George went up the stairs and into Lyss's room. Meanwhile Richard called an ambulance to come pick up the body.**

**Meredith was clutching her body still sobbing while Derek was clutching both of them. He was sobbing too, but his were more like gasps and more clumsy, not used to the action. Neither of them looked up from Lyss when they entered the room. She looked like she was sleeping, but they all knew better.  
**

**"Meredith, Derek," Izzie choked out between her own tears. "It's over. You have to let go." Meredith shook her head and held onto Lyss tighter.**

**"My baby," was all she cried. It hurt everyone so much to see them hurting this bad.**

**"I know," Cristina whispered. "But you are going to have to let them take her body." Meredith sobs only escalated into hysterics. Derek was almost silent, grief now taking it's toll on his body in a different way.**

**"I.... I...." Meredith sobbed uncontrollably. "I..... I don't know how to plan my daughter's funeral!"**

**"Mere," Izzie breathed. "I can. Don't worry I will take care of it." Meredith looked up at her. Her eyes were red and puffy, completely bloodshot, her entire face wet. She began shaking at the same time. "It will be okay." No one really believed it would, but that was the only thing that came to Izzie's mind. Just hearing the words could be some form of comfort.**

**"Oh Lyss," Meredith cried.**

**"Mere," Lexie whispered. "I can't tell you how sorry I am." Meredith continued sobbing. All of a sudden Derek was pulled out of his trance and wrapped his arms around his wife.**

**"It's okay Mere," he whispered. "I'm here. I'm here." They heard the sound of ambulances coming down the street as Derek picked Meredith up and cradled her in his arms in a chair next to the bed.**

**"This isn't real," she sobbed. "It.... it can't be. She.... Lyss is fine.... this is a dream. She doesn't have cancer and..... oh god!"**

**"Shhh," Derek soothed trying to stay strong for his wife. Everything went quiet as paramedics walked into the room following Richard with a gurney. Meredith only clutched Derek tightly as they lifted Lyss and placed a white sheet over her body after checking and finding no pulse.**

**"Derek," Richard whispered as they began to move the body out of the room. "One... one.... someone needs to go with the body." Derek only looked up at him before Meredith screamed. **

**"No.... No!" she sobbed. "My baby, my baby! They are taking my baby!" Everyone was stunned. She got up quickly and began walking after the gurney before collapsing.**

**"Oh Mere," Izzie exclaimed and rushed forward.**

**"Iz... Iz, I am gonna be sick," she wailed. Thinking quickly she grabbed a trash can handed to her by Lexie as held it in front of Mere. Cristina bent down on the other side of her as Meredith grasped the trash can in her hands. Her knuckles turned white as she squeezed it tightly as she emptied the contents of her stomach. Derek bent down in front of her.**

**"Mere... Mere.... I have to go," Derek began holding her face gently and wiping a few of her non stopping tears.**

**"To the morgue," she whispered. "I know, go."**

**"Take care of her," he said to no one in particular and walked downstairs solemnly. Meredith curled up on the floor and began shaking.**

**"Do you still need the trash can Mere?" Izzie asked. Her own tears were running down her face but she wanted to make sure her friend and family was okay.**

**"No," Meredith whispered. "I need my kids."**

**"Here Mere," Cristina said standing up and extending a hand. Alex and George went to her sides and helped her walked down the stairs. Everyone was quiet as the gurney was wheeled out of the house. There were still tears coming out of Meredith's eyes now, but her cries were silent. She needed her kids with her. Kelsey was the first to see her come down. All five of the were a wreck cuddling each other closely not wanting to let go.**

**"Mommy," she cried. Her grief forgotten for a second Meredith ran over on unsteady legs and hugged them all at once.**

**"I'm here," she whispered and stroked Hayley's hair who was closest.**

**"Mommy she's gone, she really gone," Sophia sobbed. **

**"Shhh," Meredith said her voice wavering. But soon all her will power wasn't enough to stop her grief from taking over her body.**

**"Oh Mommy what are we going to do," Paige cried. Meredith didn't have an answer. By now her tears were overpowering everything and made her almost unable to function. **

**Everyone had come together to comfort each other. It was going to be a tough road ahead of them. About two hours later most of the cousins and a few Uncle's had gone back to the hotel along with Richard, Miranda, and Callie who went back to the hospital. Mere was sitting at the table, a cup of coffee shaking in her hands. She cradled it to keep from spilling and looked down. A single tear fell into it. Her kids were still on the couch, they had stopped crying, but also stopped talking. They only stared at the blank TV. Most of Lyss's friends joined them.**

**Addie and Mark were silent. Grieving together the loss of their goddaughter. They just sat and stared at the door, wanting Lyss to just come walking through as if this were all a dream.**

**"Hey Mere," Izzie said softly coming back into the kitchen where Mere had been sitting alone. "Are you okay?"**

**"I will be," she whispered not looking up. **

**"Do you need anything?" Izzie asked. Mere shook her head.**

**"Nothing you can give me," came her reply. All she wanted was Lyss. Her daughter. But Lyss was gone, and she was never coming back. Her hands began shaking and she had the put the cup down. All of a sudden she started crying again. Her whole body was doing it as Izzie sat beside her and took her in her arms rocking her back and forth gently. "I thought I had no tears left!" **

**"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," Izzie said in Mere's ear through her own tears. That's all anyone could say.**

**"Lyss," Meredith moaned.**

**"It's okay to cry," Iz whispered. Meredith watched the clock as it turned to 5:32.**

**"Two hours exactly," Mere said quietly. Izzie held her until her sobs subsided momentarily. They would be back. Mere briefly wondered if that's what she would be doing the rest of her life. Sobbing uncontrollably. She was snapped out of her thought when she heard people behind her.**

**"Meredith, sweetie," Elizabeth said. "We.... we're gonna go now okay." Meredith looked up and saw Lily huddled close to Kathleen who was standing beside Emma, Lyndsey, Nancy, and Elizabeth.**

**"Okay," she said dully and walked up to hug each of them tightly. Lily the most. She hadn't spoken a word since she said goodbye to Lyss 4 or more hours ago. When she was still alive. "I'll.... I'll....."**

**"We'll be over tomorrow," Kathleen vowed holding Lily a little tighter. Mere nodded and sat back down. She was numb, distraught, it was too close to actually feel it. Inside Mere was slowly falling apart, much different to her outside who was trying desperately to pull it together. Meredith stomach lurched as Lexie and Alex were walking into the room.**

**"Ugh," she murmured through her few tears. "Sick." They reacted quickly and grabbed the trash can underneath the sink. Meredith collapsed on the floor and started sobbing again.**

**"Mere," Alex sighed and bent down beside her. Addie and Mark came in as well.**

**"I.... I.... I can't stop crying," she sobbed.**

**"I'm sorry," Addie whispered. "I'm so sorry." Mere started hiccuping from crying so hard.**

**"My... my... my Lyss. She's.... she's gone," Meredith sobbed.**

**"But she's out of pain," Lexie whispered and rubbed Meredith's back. **

**"She's in heaven, she's at peace," Mark added. **

**"Two..... two hours ago I was holding her!" Mere cried. She reached out for the trash can again and threw up. She felt empty, hollow, lifeless, as if part of her life died along with Lyss. The front door burst ****open and Derek was on the other side. He heard the sobs and knew they were Meredith's. Sprinting to the kitchen he found her on the floor. Everyone parted to let him get through to his wife.**

**"Derek, Derek, it hurts. It's hurts," Meredith whimpered.**

**"I know Mere," Derek cried and scooped her up in his arms and kissed her temple.**

**"How can someone be hurting this much and live," she continued. Derek didn't answer. He only walked out of the kitchen silently, past his now dozing kids, and up the stairs. He pulled down the bed and placed Mere in it before wrapping his arms around her. Meredith sobbed into his chest until there were no tears left in her body. They fell asleep in each other's arms, afraid of what the next few days would hold for them, and their family.**

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**A/N: So this leaves about 4 chapters left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)**

**Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	82. Chapter 82: It's Too Hard

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**Meredith and Derek are finally faced with the reality that Lyss is dead the next day. What will happen?**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**Meredith stirred slightly in Derek's arms her eyes squinting from the bright light. She quietly slipped out of Derek's arms allowing him to sleep. She looked over at the clock and saw it was 10:32. That is when it hit her. Lyss was dead. She began shaking but wouldn't let Derek wake up. He was the one who had to go to the morgue. He needed rest. Mere slipped on her robe and slippers and walked into the hallway. She made it halfway down the hallway when she saw Lyss's open room. **

**Tears sprung to her eyes as she walked into it like a zombie. Mere walked towards the barre and ran her fingers over it lightly. Only 7 months Lyss had danced there. She looked down and saw all of the scuff marks from 8 years of tap on the hardwood floor. Never would she tap, or anything again. She looked over at the dance and field hockey bag and thought about all of the now unused sticks and dance shoes laying at the bottom. **

**Mere turned towards her bed. Where Lyss died. She began hyperventilating. It was too soon. Meredith ran out of the room unable to catch her breath. She grabbed the railing tightly causing her knuckles to turn white as she stumbled down the stairs.**

**"Meredith!" Izzie exclaimed. Meredith was surprised she was still here. It was only Iz, Addison, Mark, Lexie, Cristina, George, and Alex.**

**"I..... I.... I can't breath," Meredith gasped and reached for a wall.**

**"Meredith, Mere, you have to calm down," Cristina said as they all came up to her.**

**"I can't breath," she cried and began shaking.**

**"Mere, Shhh," Addie whispered leading her over to the couch. Meredith just kept gasping as she sat down.**

**"She's not getting any air," George said hastily.**

**"Mere, Mere, you have to take deep breaths," Izzie soothed. Mere felt Lexie rubbing her back. "Just focus on my voice and take deep breaths." It took her about four minutes too calm down and lean her head on Izzie's shoulder while Cristina held her hand tightly.**

**"It doesn't seem fair," she whispered.**

**"It never does," Izzie told her. "But we will work through it as a family." Through her tears Mere nodded and looked up. She noticed on the kitchen table there were a few containers.**

**"What's that?" she asked weakly. **

**"Oh," Addie said. "People keep coming with food. There has only been a few, like nurses on their way to their shift. I bet you more will come later." Mere nodded.**

**"Where are my kids?" she asked.**

**"We put Hayley and Paige's bed together so they could all sleep," Alex explained.**

**"How are they?" Meredith asked her voice cracking.**

**"They haven't really spoken since you went into the kitchen yesterday," Mark told her sadly.**

**"Oh. Where's Noah?" Mere whispered more urgently.**

**"Dylan is watching him," Addie explained.**

**"Along with Morgan, the twins, Nate, Talia, Trevor, Michael, and maybe even Joey if Lyndsey dropped him off," George added. **

**"Don't worry Lys- Ali's friends slept over the house too," Izzie said. Meredith started to cry softly.**

**"Mere, where's Derek?" Lexie asked.**

**"Still sleeping, he needs it," Mere whispered.**

**"You need it too," Cristina told her. She shook her head.**

**"I can't just do nothing.... I have.... to try and distract myself," Meredith told them.**

**"Okay," Addie nodded.**

**"I.... I want to get changed first," Meredith said quickly and got up. She went into her room quietly not looking on the right side of the hall where Lyss's room was. She got changed and stopped ad Hayley and Paige's. She quietly cracked the door open and sighed a few more tears slipping out. Sophia was holding Kelsey close while Kels had her arm around Jake. Hayley and Paige were wrapped in each other's arms as well.**

**"Mommy," Kelsey said groggily opening her eyes.**

**"It's okay, go back to sleep sweetie," Meredith murmured. **

**"Okay," Kelsey obeyed and shut her eyes again. Meredith walked out of the room and back down the stairs. Everyone was in the kitchen.**

**"You hungry?" Izzie asked. Mere shook her head and sat down at the table with a sigh.**

**"She gone.... she actually gone," she whimpered after a few minutes a dead silence.**

**"I know," Addie said stroking her hair slightly. "But she is probably happy now. Just think of that."**

**"It just so hard," Meredith sighed. The doorbell rang and Meredith got up to get it despite everyone's protests. On the other side was their neighbors down the street.**

**"Hello Meredith," the woman named Jane said sadly. She was holding a casserole dish. "I am so sorry for your loss."**

**"And we wanted to make sure you and Derek were okay," Jim, her husband said. "And if you need anything we're here."**

**"Thank you," Meredith murmured her tired gaze meeting theirs. She took the casserole and said goodbye quickly before walking back into the kitchen.**

**"How the heck is food going to help," Cristina hissed in Alex's ear.**

**"I don't know, it what you do I guess," Alex shrugged.**

**"Don't remind me, I am Jewish remember. We have shiva," Cristina said. **

**"When do you think we should have it?" Mere asked suddenly.**

**"What?" Mark asked.**

**"The..... the funeral," Meredith answered quietly.**

**"Well I was going to say Friday but...." Izzie began.**

**"Her teachers and friends are going to want to come Iz," Meredith sighed.**

**"Then what about Saturday?" Addie asked.**

**"Fine," Meredith snapped and walked into the living room to sit down on the couch. Hershey was sitting on the floor by her feet and Meredith bent down to pet her. Even she seemed to notice Lyss was gone. She always noticed. Hershey had loved Lyss more than anyone. Meredith's hand accidently slipped off her back and went near the couch. She felt something and picked it up. It was a scarf.**

**More precisely Lyss's purple and blue scarf. The one Meredith had picked out. She brought it up to her face and breathed in the scent. It smelled like Lyss. Meredith buried her face in it and started sobbing again. Izzie was about to rush to her side but Cristina grabbed her hand.**

**"Give her time to grieve alone," she murmured her own tears in her eyes.**

**"I can't stand watching them like this. We have enough grief as it is, I mean she was our niece but..... watching our family fall apart is even worse," Izzie sighed.**

**"I know," Alex agreed turning on the coffee machine. "It sucks."**

**"Lyss would know what to do if she was here," George murmured.**

**"But if Lyss were here we wouldn't be this....." Mark started.**

**"Broken," Addie finished.**

**"I never ever thought this day would come," Lexie sighed and sat down. "I mean we were a family."**

**"We still are," Izzie protested.**

**"I know but..... this was never a possibility. I mean, my mom died of the hiccups Lyss died of cancer, it just doesn't seem right," Lexie sighed. The doorbell rang again. This time Izzie answered it. Meredith was sobbing too loudly and wrapped in her own grief to even hear it or care. It was a few nurses who were going to their shift. If the entire nursing staff came Meredith and Derek would have enough food for a year.**

**"This is for Dr. and Dr. Shepherd," one of them said peering over her shoulder at Meredith. "Tell them that we are so sorry for their loss and that we will all miss Alyssa." Izzie grabbed the cards, flowers, and food they were holding after murmuring thank you and shutting the door. At this point Meredith's sobs were beginning to die down and she curled up on the couch shivering clutching the scarf tightly.**

**"Meredith," Addie said with Cristina and Lexie behind her as Izzie was putting the flowers in a vase and the food down in the kitchen. Meredith looked up. "Sweetie are you okay?"**

**"Her scarf," Meredith whispered. "She could never keep track of them. They were all over the house."**

**"Oh," Lexie breathed. "It's okay."**

**"No, it's not okay. My daughter is dead and I can't keep my emotions under control for my kids and husband," Meredith hissed.**

**"Mere, no one expects you to do that," Cristina sighed. "They don't expect you to move on. You're going to be sad for a while."**

**"I miss her so much," Meredith whispered. "It hasn't even been a day but..... I have been missing her for the past 7 months."**

**"You're expected to do that too," Izzie said coming around the other side.**

**"And.... and I knew it too. I knew it was going to happen. We all did. But it.... it's real now. It actually happened and I can't stand it. I just want to hold her one more time, and kiss her, and tell her everything will be okay. But I can't...." Meredith whimpered. "I think I even knew at the beginning of her diagnosis, and Lyss too. As soon as I found out it was Stage 4...... everything just...."**

**"We know Mere," Cristina whispered.**

**"There is always more you want to do, and someday you will be able to do all of those things again," Addie reassured.**

**"We're all here for you," Lexie told her.**

**"And no matter how much grief all of us have right now I know we will get through this," Izzie explained. "Maybe not today, tomorrow, this week or the next. Maybe not even for years. But our family is strong. We can survive anything, I know we can."**

**"I love you guys," Meredith murmured. A noise was heard from upstairs.**

**"Mere.... Meredith!" they heard Derek calling. He sounded worried.**

**"She's down here Derek!" Alex called up. His feet came thumping quickly as he found Meredith still on the couch.**

**"I'm right here Der," Meredith said looking up at him was red, puffy, and tired eyes. Meredith walked towards him and he wrapped his arms around her tightly breathing in her scent.**

**"I love you," he whispered.**

**"I love you too," Meredith whispered back. **

**"Mere..... how....." Derek began until they heard a door open. They looked up to see all of their kids minus Noah walking down the stairs. Meanwhile George was answering the door and coming back with even more food.**

**"Hey guys," Meredith said softly. She didn't even attempt to smile, she knew she couldn't.**

**"Hey," Sophia said quietly. **

**"How are you guys doing?" Izzie asked.**

**"How..... how are we supposed to feel?" Paige asked.**

**"Because I feel empty," Hayley murmured.**

**"You want something to eat?" Addie asked stroking Kelsey's hair since she was the closest.**

**"People have been coming with food all morning, and it probably isn't going to stop," Mark informed them.**

**"And I made a lot of muffins last night," Izzie added.**

**"I guess," Jake shrugged tiredly. Solemnly they all trudged to the kitchen.**

**"Der," Meredith whispered as they were alone at the bottom of the steps. "What are we going to do?" Tears were in her eyes again. "I can't stop thinking about her. I don't want to either but it hurts so much. I miss her and.... I just want...."**

**"I know," Derek choked out through his own tears.**

**"When you become a parent you never expect to be faced with this," Meredith cried softly. "How.... how do we plan our daughter's funeral."**

**"I don't know," Derek whispered. **

**"I know Izzie volunteered to help but she.... she can't do everything Der," Meredith sighed. Together they walked towards the couch and Derek took Meredith in his arms. Carefully she snuggled in his embrace.**

**"I.... I can't believe we will never see her again," Derek stated.**

**"She fought so hard," Meredith breathed. "I am so proud of her though."**

**"Me too," Derek said. "Will it always be this hard?"**

**"I don't think it gets easier Der, but one day. Not soon. But one day we'll know. The pain won't be as big of a part of our life," Meredith murmured closing her eyes.**

**"I am in a lot of pain now," Derek sighed and tightened his grip on Mere is tears now falling off his chin into her hair.**

**"Me too," Meredith agreed. "But Derek...."**

**"What?" Derek asked.**

**"Lyss isn't," she murmured. "Lyss isn't in pain anymore. She never will be again."**

**"Mere," Derek breathed into her hair.**

**"Derek.... Der I just can't do nothing all day," Meredith whimpered.**

**"I know," Derek whispered and closed his eyes briefly.**

**"I miss her so much," Meredith cried.**

**"We will always remember her," Derek answered simply holding back his tears. "Let's see how everyone else is doing, okay?"**

**"Okay," Meredith whispered and got up slowly. It was obvious that not only Meredith was grieving, but her whole body was too. Everyone looked up when they entered the kitchen.**

**"What are we gonna do today?" Kelsey asked looking down, a muffin in her hand. She started ripping it apart and took a little piece towards her mouth.**

**"Do you guys want to go over next door to our house?" Alex asked.**

**"Everyone's over there, Noah too," Izzie added.**

**"Yeah," Sophia murmured. "I guess." Meredith kissed her forehead gently and pushed some of her curls out of her face. Sophia's eyes closed and sighed at the motherly touch.**

**"Why not?" Paige muttered sadly and got up not even touching the muffin that was in front of her. Meredith sighed and watched silently as all of her kids left the room gloomily.**

**"Thanks for taking care of everything," Derek said. "You didn't have to do......"**

**"Yes we did," George protested before he could finish.**

**"You're our family," Izzie told them.**

**"And we love you," Addie added.**

**"And all of them," Cristina said. Meredith just stared at them blankly. Quietly she walked out of the room and towards the hall closet. Standing on her tip toes she reached at the top shelf. Everyone followed her silently. When she came back down Mere held several photo albums in her hands.**

**"Mere," Izzie sighed and reached to take them. Meredith only jerked away and went into the living room spreading them out of the coffee table.**

**"Don't do this to yourself Meredith," Lexie said coming up behind her. Mere made no indication that she heard her.**

**"Meredith please," Derek begged. But all Mere did was open them up and began looking through them. They all surrounded her until the doorbell rang. Instead of a sorrowful visitor with food it was Elizabeth, Kathleen, and Nancy.**

**"Hey," Izzie greeted.**

**"Hey," they all said in unison.**

**"Where is everyone else?" Derek asked but they didn't answer.**

**"Der," Kathleen breathed when she took in his condition. The circle's under his eyes, his hair flat, his eyes dull. She immediately went to his side and hugged him tightly.**

**"How are you doing?" Nancy asked.**

**"Better then I thought I would," Derek murmured.**

**"Oh Der," Kathleen said breaking apart from him allowing Elizabeth to hug him.**

**"How's Mere?" Nancy asked peering over her shoulder as she hugged him.**

**"She won't put them away," Derek sighed as they realized she was looking at photo albums. They brushed past him quickly and Kathleen sat down next to her.**

**"Her Mere," she said. "What are you doing?" She didn't answer at first, just flipped the page.**

**"You can't do this to yourself Mere," Kathleen said rubbing her back gently.**

**"Pictures," Meredith finally whispered running her finger of a picture of Lyss in her first dance outfit. "There are pictures at funerals."**

**"I told you I would help Mere," Izzie interjected.**

**"I... I just can't do anything. It's so unfair, life is so unfair but.... I can't dwell on it. I just have to do something, to.... to distract me. I also can't be helpless. I have to at least help plan my.... my daughter's....... my daughter's funeral," Meredith protested weakly.**

**"Okay," Nancy said trying to help and grabbed another album. "Pictures." Meredith did something on her lips that resembled a smile, yet didn't look like on at all. Kathleen just grabbed her hand and looked at the picture Mere recently felt.**

**"So... so this would be a good one right? Her first recital," she said taking it out of the pocket.**

**"Yeah," Meredith whispered. "She always loved being on the stage." Everyone began bustling around the house as they pulled out more albums.**

**"Mere," Izzie said flipping through one of them. "I thought I could make a collage, or several."**

**"Yeah, that would be good," Meredith said holding a picture of Lyss sitting at the dock on Derek's land. She was about 3. "And then we could pick a... a recent really good photo to blow up."**

**"Or more," Addie added as she held up a picture for Derek or Meredith to approve. It was Lyss when she was about 5 with Sophia, and Hayley at the zoo in front of the monkey's. Derek nodded and she put it in the pile. Pretty soon they had a large stack of pictures after going through every single album. Izzie was going to get frames and arrange them in there.**

**For the blown up one they picked a picture when Lyss was 13. It was at the cast party for her drama camp's performance of Annie. There was a little bit of the red lipstick still visible on her lips but her blond hair was curled and cascaded down her shoulders. Her green eyes sparkled as she had a long blue dress on which she had said repeatedly that she loathed. Derek had taken it in front of the instructor's house which was gorgeous. **

**There were several others that Izzie was going to get blown up as well. Those were including the cast picture she took with the OBC of Rent, Lyss in her last company costume, Lyss's field hockey picture for her travel team, and a picture of Lyss with all of her friends.  
**

**"I thought we could have prayer cards too," Izzie told them. "I mean I know you aren't that religious but...."**

**"That's great Iz," Meredith whispered still holding the picture of Lyss. That was how she wanted to remember her. Not as the girl who died in her arms. Who was frail, weak, pale, and lifeless. Her hair as long as it used to be, not wispy on top of her head. A few tears fell down her face again.**

**"And I was thinking..." Izzie began but Meredith was already sobbing. Derek wrapped his arms around his wife and cried with her in hope to calm her. "That it's enough for today." That's when they phone rang. Meredith pulled herself together to answer it.**

**"Hello," she said quietly into the phone her voice cracking.**

**"Mrs. Shepherd," the woman on the phone said. "This is Dr. Cole, the principle of Alyssa's school. On behalf of the entire staff we express our deepest sympathy. I was wondering when they service would be because I would be happy to attend if you would...."**

**"It is going to be on Saturday," Meredith answered. "And everyone who knew Lyss is...."**

**"Okay, I guess I will see you then. Again I will say I am sorry for your loss," he repeated.**

**"Thanks," she said before hanging up. "Obituary."**

**"What?" Nancy asked.**

**"People need to know when the funeral is. We.... we need an obituary," she whispered.**

**"I can write it," Addie volunteered. "Don't worry Mere, it's covered." As soon as she was reassured Meredith collapsed back in Derek's arms and wished she could go back to the time of the picture that was still clutched in her hand.**

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**A/N: So this leaves about 3 chapters left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)**

**The collages idea I got from what my family did when my Poppop died. I still have one of them. **

**Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	83. Chapter 83: Blame

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**Meredith sat at the kitchen table. She had finally convinced everyone to go home despite her many breakdowns. Yet, it had taken all of her will power to go downstairs because she knew the paper would be there. She knew the obituary Addie wrote would be in there. Now it sat in front of her and she was scared to open it. Derek and her kids were still asleep. Everyone but Noah who was over Cristina's house today.**

**Slowly her hand reached out towards the paper and she flipped towards the obituary page. And there it was, at the top of the page, her picture next to it. A tear slid out of Meredith's eye as she read.**

**_Alyssa Danielle Shepherd_**

**_Alyssa (Lyss) Shepherd, born on January 21, 2011 died Tuesday March 16, 2025 following her diagnosis of leukemia. She was 14 years old. She spent her final days surrounded by her friends and family, all of whom she touched somehow in her short, but memorable life._**

**_She will be deeply missed by all of her friends and family but through her death we can celebrate a new life for her. No longer will she be in pain. Her illness left Lyss frail and weak but throughout the whole time she possessed strength, perseverance, and an ability to overcome incredible odds and physical challenges. With her courage she led us to believe that each day is a blessing and an opportunity to create lasting memories._**

**_Lyss loved to dance, play field hockey, act, and sing. When she was doing any of those things she was unstoppable and a completely different person. She always cared about others before herself and loved her family immensely. Although we will miss her everyday she will always be in our hearts._**

**_Lyss is survived by her parents Derek and Meredith Shepherd; sisters Sophia, Paige, Hayley, and Kelsey Shepherd; brothers Jacob and Noah Shepherd; paternal grandmother Elizabeth Shepherd; maternal grandfather Thatcher Grey, aunt's Izzie Karev, Cristina Yang, Lexie O'Malley, Molly Grey-Thompson, Miranda Bailey, Addison Montgomery-Nelson, Adele Webber, Kathleen Garrison, Nancy Scott, Lyndsey Kelley, and Emma Martin; uncle's Alex Karev, Owen Hunt, George O'Malley, Mark Sloan, Richard Webber, Kevin Montgomery-Nelson, Robert Garrison, Frank Scott, Jason Kelley, and John Martin, along with her many cousins and friends._**

**_She was predeceased by her paternal grandfather Christopher Michael Shepherd, maternal grandmother Ellis Grey, and maternal step-grandmother Susan Grey._**

**_Calling hours are to be held on Friday March 19, 2025, from 6-8 pm at Bleitz Funeral Home in Seattle, Washington. There will be a memorial service Saturday March 20, 2025 at 11 am at St. Joseph's in Seattle, Washington. All of Lyss's friends and family are invited to attend._**

**_In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to:_**

**_Bleitz Funeral Home  
316 Florentia Street  
Seattle WA, _****_98109 (2_****_06-282-5220)_ **

**Meredith looked up tears streaming down her face.**

**"Oh Lyss," she cried. She slammed it down on the table angrily. Why did she have to die? "I miss you so much." Meredith spotted scissors on the counter and like a zombie grabbed them. Shakily she picked up the paper and began cutting out the paragraphs. When she was finished Meredith ran her fingers over the print lightly and sighed. She walked towards the refrigerator and took a magnet to stick it in the center of everything around all of the pictures of everyone.**

**"Is that it?" a new voice said from behind her. Derek was standing there looking solemn.**

**"Hey Der," she whispered.**

**"I love you," Derek said hugging Mere tightly.**

**"I love you too," Meredith murmured into his chest. "It's been two days Der..... and I can't believe it. It hurts too much and..."**

**"I know," Derek whispered.**

**"Molly called earlier," Meredith said looking up. "She saw the obituary and is able to make it. She is sorry she can't be here sooner but Eric is having a hard time getting off for the viewing and..... IT'S SO UNFAIR!" She began sobbing.**

**"I know," Derek murmured.**

**"This..... this isn't what's supposed to happen. We were supposed to be a family forever and.... oh god!" Meredith cried. Derek helped her sit down.**

**"I know," he said once more before rubbing small circles on her back. "We'll be okay."**

**"How do you know?" she whispered her cries dying down.**

**"I just know Mere. We are a strong family, and Lyss isn't gone, not forever. She will always be in our hearts and in our thoughts," Derek reassured.**

**"Mommy, Daddy," Sophia murmured walking into the kitchen sleepily.**

**"Hey sweetie," Meredith said weakly.**

**"How are you guys?" she asked.**

**"Isn't that supposed to be what we ask you," Derek said kissing her forehead and looking in the fridge. It was full of food. As many people predicted the food had kept coming and coming.**

**"Not now," Sophia said sitting down next to her Mom.**

**"We're still the parents," Meredith said.**

**"And right now you are grieving over Lyss," Sophia murmured. **

**"You are too," Derek told her.**

**"Yeah," she whispered. "I am."**

**"It's okay," Meredith said softly stroking her soft curls.**

**"I... I just want my sister back," she cried softly.**

**"I do too Soph," Meredith said pulling her in, both wallowing in their grief.**

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**It wasn't fair. Izzie looked down at all of the magazines that laid in front of her. She was at Mere's house again. She loved Mere, she loved her family, but she didn't want to be there for this occasion. She didn't want to help plan her nieces funeral. She didn't want to have to pick out flower arrangements, casket's, and put together collages of Lyss.**

**Everything she said seemed to upset Meredith so much. And everyone else just walked around the house like they didn't really exist, especially Derek. If Richard hadn't given him a month off and brought Shadow Shepherd back in he would have been back in the hospital. her entire family was a wreck and Izzie couldn't stand it. Especially the fact then when she walked upstairs to get Meredith, Lyss's door was shut.**

**Slowly Izzie shifted the magazine under Meredith and she looked down.**

**"So, flowers?" Izzie asked gently.**

**"Lilies are nice," Meredith murmured. "That's what they usually have, right?"**

**"Okay so lilies," Izzie said. "Anything else?"**

**"Lavender," Meredith whispered. "She always loved lavender." Izzie knew that well. Lyss had been about three years old when she slept over Izzie's house alone one time. For some reason she didn't have Dylan or Ali with her either. Everyone possible that could have happened went wrong.**

**_"Okay Lyss bath time," Izzie said happily._**

**_"Uh-uh." Lyss giggled and shook her head._**

**_"Yes," Izzie laughed and picked her up. Lyss eventually obeyed and Izzie got her in. When it was time to wash her hair Lyss threw a fit._**

**_"That's not the soap my Mommy uses," Lyss said looking up at Izzie._**

**_"What does she use?" Izzie asked._**

**_"Her flowery soap," Lyss answered getting antsy. Izzie immediately knew it was the lavender._**

**_"I don't have the flowery soap Lyss," Izzie said gently bringing the other shampoo towards her hair._**

**_"NO!" she screamed and began splashing._**

**_"Lyss you have to calm down, you are getting Aunt Izzie all wet," Izzie said hastily._**

**_"I WANT THE SOAP!" she screamed. By the time she was done Lyss was tired out and Izzie was soaked. They cuddled on the couch later and Lyss fell asleep. Izzie brought her up t the guest bed and went to bed. Around midnight Lyss woke up sobbing._**

**_"Lyss what's wrong?" Izzie asked tiredly._**

**_"Pooh," she sobbed. She had forgotten her bear. "I WANT POOH!"_**

**_"Shhh, Shhh," Izzie soothed and picked Lyss up and carried her to her bed with her. "It's okay."_**

**_"Pooh," Lyss whimpered. Soon Izzie had her calmed down, before she fell asleep Lyss murmured one more thing. "My hair doesn't smell flowery."_ **

**"Yes," Izzie whispered. "Lavender would be good." Meredith didn't seem to hear her. She just looked at the couch where Derek was sitting his arm around Jake and Hayley.**

**"So... how many...." Izzie began.**

**"I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU HOW MANY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE DOING THIS!" Meredith screamed out of the blue.**

**"Mere, I'm sorry," Izzie stuttered.**

**"My.... my daughter shouldn't be dead, I shouldn't be planning her funeral and......" Meredith yelled tears streaming down her face. But then she saw Izzie's face of utter shock mixed in with tears as well. "Oh Iz I'm sorry." She continued crying.**

**"Mere, it's okay," Izzie murmured hugging her friend and allowing her to lean against her until her cries subsided. They flipped through a few more of the things until Izzie said nothing and slid the magazine for casket's in front of Meredith. Quietly Mere just picked it up and stared at the page for a little.**

**"They shouldn't have child sizes," she whispered. Izzie looked up at her confused as Meredith turned to face her and explain. "Because children shouldn't die." **

**"Oh Meredith," Izzie sighed. She looked up and saw the newspaper cut out on the refrigerator. While Meredith looked through the casket's she walked up towards it slowly and read. She had refused to even look at the paper but she knew Alex had done the exact same thing. Lyss was one of her many nieces, nephews, and own children but losing her was unbearable. Losing her was like losing her own children. **

**"I think this one would be nice," Meredith whispered suddenly. Izzie walked back over and looked down.**

**"Okay," she murmured and took it away from Mere so she would stop staring at it.**

**"What are we going to do afterwards?" Meredith asked.**

**"I thought we could invite everyone to a banquet hall afterwards and have brunch. Then maybe come back here for a while," Izzie told her.**

**"That sounds good I guess," Meredith whispered. "And thank you so much Iz. I.... I don't know if I could have planned the.... the funeral without you. I don't know if I could have done anything without you. Or Addie, Cristina, Lexie, Alex, Mark, Owen, or George."**

**"Don't mention it Mere," Izzie said placing a hand on her shoulder. All of a sudden Jake came into the kitchen.**

**"Mom, Dad said that you have to eat," he said quietly.**

**"Have you even eaten a bite since...." Izzie asked.**

**"No, she hasn't," Jake answered for her.**

**"Mere, that's not healthy. You didn't even eat anything at the hospital," Izzie said sounding worried.**

**"I.... I just can't concentrate on anything Iz," Meredith sighed. "All I can keep thinking about is that Lyss never got to do anything she wanted. She is going to miss so many things. Going to high school, prom, driving, going to college, getting married, everything. I can't stop wondering if she would have become a surgeon or....."**

**"Mere I know, it's hard for all of us too. But of course you and Derek more. No matter what it doesn't mean you should starve yourself," Izzie said calmly.**

**"It doesn't seem fair that I am alive and she isn't. She is my daughter. She should have lived longer than me. I can't stand it," Meredith cried.**

**"I know, I'm so-" Izzie broke off as Meredith interrupted.**

**"Stop saying that!" Meredith hissed. "You didn't kill my daughter, I did. I let her give up. We didn't need her consent for everything. We could have forced her to get treatment. She could have still been alive now."**

**"Mere," Izzie breathed.**

**"Meredith," Derek gasped from behind her.**

**"It's true, I didn't even talk to you Derek before I said she could give up. I am a horrible mother. My daughter could still be here now if I would have just....." Meredith continued.**

**"But Meredith," Derek said touching her back gently. "Lyss wouldn't have wanted that."**

**"That's right Mere," Izzie added. "Lyss wanted to be able to die peacefully. You were respecting her wishes and by doing that you were an amazing mother."**

**"And Lyss wouldn't want you to be doing this either. She wouldn't want you blaming yourself," Derek consoled. Meredith looked up at the teary eyed.**

**"Your right," she cried. "But I just want her back."**

**"Shhh," Derek whispered. "We all do." And they all did. Very much.**

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**A/N: So this leaves about 2 chapters left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)**

**Next chapter is going to be more of an exploration into what everyone else is going through. Like Mark, Addie, Noah, and one or two of the other siblings. I just wanted to have one more chapter of Meredith and Derek grieving. And then the last chapter will be the viewing and the funeral the next morning and everything. it will be really long and really worth the wait :) And then the sequel......**

**Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**(P.S. I will update all of my other stories soon, I just want to get this one finished. It's practically killing me ha!)**


	84. Chapter 84: Dead Daughter's Club

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer... or would I ;)**

**THANK YOU 7LuckyStars for all of her help and ideas!**

**Cristina didn't show emotion much. But when it came to emotion like this it was hard to keep it in. When she attended Jen's funeral, Mark's fiance, she had been the strong one holding Nathaniel as Mark cried while she was being buried in the ground. She was young when her father died next to her in the car crash. She was part of the dead dad's club with George. But no one wanted Meredith and Derek to join the dead daughter's club.**

**Cristina was sitting on the couch, Talia and Trevor were at school. The chief had brought in a few temporary replacements for everyone in the family for the next couple of days. She hadn't cried since the few minutes after Lyss had initially died. She was staying strong for her kids while Owen was being strong for her. Talia and Trevor took it pretty hard. They never really had a relationship with Lyss but they loved her, she was family. **

**All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. On the other side was Meredith. Drenched. It was pouring outside. She had sweat pants on and there was no car in the driveway.**

**"Mere, what are you doing here? How did you get here?" Cristina asked.**

**"I jogged," Meredith said out of breath. There were tears falling down her face.**

**"Meredith your crying," Cristina inquired.**

**"No," Meredith said quickly wiping her eyes. "It's just the rain."**

**"Mere, does Derek even know where you are?" she asked.**

**"I... I gotta go," Meredith told her suddenly.**

**"Listen. I know that the viewing is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow, I can't imagine what you are going through right now but Mere..." Cristina protested.**

**"I don't have time for that now Cristina," Meredith said hastily and turned around.**

**"Meredith!" she called after her but it was obvious Mere didn't hear her, or didn't want to hear her.**

**"Meredith was here?" Owen asked coming out of the kitchen as Cristina closed the door.**

**"Um yeah," Cristina stuttered. "She jogged here."**

**"But you two don't jog," Owen pointed out.**

**"I think she has a right to do whatever she wants. One of her daughters, one of our nieces is dead Owen," Cristina sighed. "Dead. Actually gone. As in we will never see her again." **

**"Come here," he whispered and pulled her in for a hug. "It will be okay."**

**"That's just what you say Owen. It doesn't mean it will actually happen," Cristina murmured. "None of us will be happy for a long time." They sat down on the couch together.**

**"I know," he sighed.**

**"And I mean, Lyss was one person. One person in our huge family. How could one person effect us so much?' Cristina questioned.**

**"I don't know," Owen whispered.**

**"Everyone was there through everything for her. Chemo, surgery, induction, the news, even at her death bed. It doesn't seem fair. She is just one person yet, she made up the family," Cristina whispered.**

**"She did," Owen sighed.**

**"I mean she was Lyss. The one who one second would be shy. Next won't be quiet, and by that point be bouncing off the walls. We are one big family, when one of us dies..." **

**"We all do," Owen finished.**

**"I... I hate myself for thinking what I am right now," Cristina murmured. "But I am still thinking it no matter how much I loved Lyss."**

**"What?" Owen asked.**

**"It's so selfish," Cristina continued. Owen turned her to face him.**

**"Cristina, what?" he asked.**

**"I can't stop hoping that this won't happen to us. That we can just forget that this ever happened. That we could just... just leave or something," she answered quietly closing her eyes.**

**"It's not selfish," Owen murmured. "It's not selfish because now that I am seeing Meredith and Derek first hand, I am wishing that too."**

**"It's been good hanging out with you again Mark," Addie murmured.**

**"Yeah," Mark said looking around Addison's hotel room. It was obvious she was not staying in the guest house. "It has."**

**"I wish it wasn't under these circumstances," Addie sighed. "I mean I would still be on my honeymoon right now."**

**"I know," Mark muttered. "At least you aren't giving the eulogy."**

**"Mark, you volunteered," Addison said grabbing his hand. "And if it wasn't one of us it wouldn't feel right."**

**"What would feel right is if no one had to," Mark whispered.**

**"It seems too real," Addie sighed. "So close. Like it happened, but it didn't."**

**"I know the feeling," Mark murmured. "All I keep thinking about is Christmas. She was so happy and normal. The best she has been since her diagnosis."**

**"I remember," Addie said.**

**"And it feels so wrong how much I hurt," Mark sighed.**

**"I know."**

**"But then I think about how much Meredith and Derek must be hurting."**

**"I haven't really seen them since the day after..."**

**"We all knew it was coming too."**

**"But it doesn't lessen the blow."**

**"She's actually gone."**

**"It doesn't feel right."**

**"I don't think it ever does."**

**"I love you Mark."**

**"I love you too Addison."**

**"But as a friend."**

**"I can do friends."**

**"We'll be okay."**

**"Eventually... maybe not soon but eventually."**

**"So what are you going to wear?" Sophia said gently sitting down on the bed next to Kelsey. She stroked her short blond hair gently and remembered that awful day. The day she still blamed herself for. Kelsey looked up at her.**

**"Nothing," she whispered.**

**"Kels, seriously," Sophia sighed.**

**"Nothing because I am not going," Kelsey told her turning away.**

**"Kels," Sophia murmured turning her to face her. "I know it's hard but we need to do this as a family. Mom and Dad are having such a hard time and need our support. They need us to be there. And we need to be there. We have to be there for Lyss just one more time."**

**"It's not fair," Kelsey wailed. "Why did God have to pick her! Why? She is our sister! We still need her! I want Lyss back!"**

**"I know," Sophia whispered pulling Kelsey into a hug. "I know."**

**"I miss her," Kels whimpered. "It hurts so much. I want it to go away."**

**"I don't think it ever goes away," Sophia told her gently.**

**"Why?" Kels cried.**

**"Because we will never stop loving her," Sophia sighed wiping away her own tears and Kelsey's.**

**"Never," Kels whispered leaning into Sophia. Slowly she got up and walked to her closet. There was a black dress reserved for tomorrow but she found a black blouse and a black blouse. "This will be okay, right?"**

**"Perfect," Sophia murmured and kissed Kelsey's forehead before moving towards Hayley and Paige's room. From inside her parents room she heard her mother crying. Sophia knew her father was probably downstairs looking at photographs. For the past two days that's all they did and she understood. Right now they needed to grieve. Calmly she walked into the twins room.**

**"Hey guys," she said as she found them both sitting on their beds reading. They both only looked up and looked back down. If she wasn't in such a solemn mood she would have laughed. Even if they were fraternal they were so much alike. "How are you doing." Neither of them answered. "Do you know what you are wearing tonight."**

**"Black," Paige muttered not looking up from her book.**

**"Guys," Sophia sighed.**

**"Sophia, Lyss is gone. What... what are we supposed to do," Hayley said putting her book down.**

**"I'll tell you when I figure out..." Sophia told them. "But right now I think we have to take it one day at a time. And this day is the viewing. And I know we don't want to face it... but we have to."**

**"I... I have two black dresses," Paige murmured.**

**"Same," Hayley added.**

**"Good," Sophia said attempting to smile. "I love you guys."**

**"We love you too Soph," Paige whispered finally putting her book down.**

**"I want to go check on Jake and then go next door to Noah, will you two be okay?" Sophia asked.**

**"Has Mom stopped crying?" Hayley asked.**

**"No," Sophia answered dully.**

**"Okay..." Paige whispered. "Don't worry, we will be fine." Sophia only nodded and left the room leaving the door open a crack. She moved on to Jake's room. Not thinking her hand landed on the door knob of Lyss's room. She opened it and gasped immediately. Instead of the blue and green walls of Jake's room she saw Pink, Purple, and splashed of random other colors. Immediately she slammed it shut. She had been going to comfort Lyss constantly when she was pregnant, before cancer happened, before death happened. Quickly Sophia opened Jake's door.**

**"Hey buddy," she said as he came into view. **

**"Hey Soph," Jake whispered.**

**"How you holding up?" she asked.**

**"How do you want me to answer?" he countered. Sophia sighed and sat next to him on the bed.**

**"It doesn't seem real does it?" she murmured. Jake shook his head.**

**"When Lyss was diagnosed I thought... I thought she would just be sick for a little while. I thought she'd get better," Jake whispered. "I thought she would survive it and fight. I thought we wouldn't lose her."**

**"She's never gone Jake," Sophia reassured. **

**"I know but I want her _here_," Jake sighed.**

**"Oh I know," Sophia said hugging him. "You have clothes to wear tonight?"**

**"Mhm hmm," Jake nodded and pointed towards the black suit sitting on his chair.**

**"Good," Sophia murmured. "I gotta go okay."**

**"Okay," Jake said. "I'll just go and see Kels or Hayl or Paige." Sophia left his room silently. Slowly she walked down the stairs and saw her father on the couch. Quietly Sophia walked over, leaned down, and kissed him gently on the cheek. Derek made no movement but Sophia knew he was comforted by it. Without a word she left the house and went next door to Izzie's. Izzie answered the door almost immediately.**

**"Sophia," she said shocked.**

**"Hey Aunt Izzie," Sophia murmured quietly.**

**"Are you okay?" Izzie asked concerned.**

**"I'm fine, is Noah over here?" Sophia reassured.**

**"Yes he is, do you want to see him?" Izzie asked letting Sophia come in.**

**"Yes please," Sophia sighed.**

**"NOAH!" Izzie called. His feet came down the stairs quickly.**

**"What Aunt Izzie?" he asked but then saw Soph. "SOPHIA!" He ran and jumped in her arms.**

**"Hey Noah," Sophia said with a slight smile.**

**"I missed you. I haven't seen you or Mommy or Daddy or anyone for a while," Noah explained.**

**"I know buddy," Sophia sighed. "We've just been a little sad."**

**"Cause Lyssa's on her trip," Noah nodded understanding.**

**"Yes," Sophia said her voice tight.**

**"It will be okay Phia," Noah murmured resting his head on her shoulder. "I love you."**

**"I love you too." **

**Miranda was standing at the nurses station about to finish her charting. She was going right from work to the church no matter what Richard would say. She couldn't stop thinking about the black dress that was in her locker waiting for 5:30. It was 4:45 now.**

**"Excuse me," someone said from behind her.**

**"Yes," Miranda said calmly.**

**"We are from Bleitz Funeral Home and we need someone to identify the body of Alyssa Shepherd. Do you know one of her doctors?" the man asked.**

**"I was one, I am also her Aunt," she answered dully.**

**"Could you..." he began.**

**"Yes," Miranda nodded and followed him downstairs. They arrived outside of the morgue where two other men stood near a gurney.**

**"You wouldn't believe how many times we accidently take the wrong body to the funeral home," one of the other men chuckled. Miranda only frowned and walked up next to it. Quietly the other man unzipped the bag. Miranda gasped slightly as she looked at the face that was unveiled. **

**"Yeah," she choked out while nodding. "That's... that's Lyss." The face of the girl on the gurney scared Miranda so much. She was ghostly pale, her face relaxed and frozen in a contorted expression. The blond wispy hair at the top of her head was no longer blond and she smelled of formaldehyde. She knew that the funeral home would take care of it but it was so hard to think that little Alyssa Shepherd actually looked like that.**

**"Thank you," the man she spoke to upstairs said and zipped it up again. "We can go now." They began rolling it away but Miranda stopped him.**

**"Wait," she murmured. They stopped and Miranda walked next to her. "I... I love you Lyss." She sighed and took a step back. "You can go now."**

**Meredith stood at her closet door and stared.**

**"I have nothing to wear," she murmured turning around to Derek who was tying his tie.**

**"Yes you do Mere," Derek said walking to her side.**

**"Nothing I want to wear," she whispered. "Plus I think I ran out of tears."**

**"Mere, it's just the viewing," Derek told her.**

**"I think it should be closed casket," Meredith whispered said out of the blue. "I don't want anyone remembering Lyss like that."**

**"Okay," Derek nodded.**

**"Maybe at the... the... the funeral tomorrow we can have it open at the front of the church," Meredith murmured.**

**"Whatever you want Mere," Derek told her rubbing her back gently. She sighed and reached into her closet and grabbed a black dress, the one she was going to wear to Susan's funeral.**

**"I guess this will be good," she nodded. Derek kissed her forehead gently and turned to put on his his shoes. **

**"Derek," Meredith asked. "Can you help zip me up?"**

**"Sure," Derek told her and put his hand on her back gently before zipping.**

**"I can't believe this still fits," Meredith whispered. Derek just grabbed her hand and leaned forward to kiss her.**

**"Come on, let's go," he said. Meredith nodded biting her lip and slipped on her shoes. Before going downstairs she knocked on each of her kids doors minus Noah's and Lyss's. Noah was staying over his friend Connor's house until tomorrow when his mother would drop Noah off at the banquet hall. Downstairs Mere solemnly slipped on her jacket and walked out the door without a word. Within 20 minutes we were at the funeral home. **

**They all walked up the stairs and towards the mini chapel that was inside. The director of the home was there.**

**"Hello Shepherds," he said extending his hand. "Everything is almost set up. We are so sorry for your loss." Meredith shook it first.**

**"Thanks," she whispered and reached into her purse. "You mentioned that there was a small TV in one of the sitting rooms?"**

**"Yes, it is hooked up to a DVD player," the man answered. Meredith pulled out a disk.**

**"Um... this is a slideshow my friend Izzie made," Meredith murmured handing it to him. "Do you think we can..."**

**"I will hook it up right now," the man promised her. Meredith turned to the front. There were several rows of chairs but what drew her attention was the open casket in the front of the room, she gasped. Derek immediately went to another worker.**

**"We would like it to be closed casket, at least for now," he told them. They nodded and shut the casket quickly. Meredith looked back. They big picture they had chosen was blown up and framed. It sat right above the casket while flowers were surrounding it. Around the casket there were many arrangements and Mere walked up slowly to look at them.**

**The first one she saw was from the nurses at the hospital. They could be vultures spreading and making up rumors but they really did care. Another one read the name of her dance studio the American Dance Institute, along with one from the girls of her travel field hockey team and one from her coach. Also her drama school, Seattle Children's Theatre Drama School had donated one. Lyss was definitely loved.**

**"Our baby," Meredith whispered running her hands over the coffin as Derek came up behind her. He bit his lip. **

**"One step at a time Mere," Derek murmured in her ear. Meredith walked to the hallway to a small table. There, there was the prayer cards Izzie had made. On the front it had Lyss picture surrounded by a yellow background. At the top it read...**

**_Alyssa D. Shepherd_**

**_January 21st, 2011 - March 16th, 2025_ **

**She sighed and turned it over where there was a short prayer:**

**_In Loving Memory of Alyssa Shepherd..._**

**_God looked around his garden and found an empty space  
he then looked down upon the earth, and saw your tired face.  
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest,  
_****_God's garden must be beautiful he always takes the best.  
_**

**_He knew that you were suffering he knew you were in pain,  
he knew that you would never get well on earth again.  
_****_He saw the road was getting rough, and the hills were hard to climb.  
so he closed your weary eyelids,and whispered "peace be thine"  
_**

**_It broke our hearts to lose you but you did NOT go alone,  
for part of US went with you the day god called you home._**

**Izzie, Alex, Dylan, Ali, and Michael were the next people to arrive but were closely followed by Addie, Kevin, Mark, and Nate. Each of them hugged Meredith, Derek, and everyone as they walked past them. They were now taking their spots next to the coffin. Next they each bent down in the pew that was in front of the coffin. Soon, right before 6 o'clock the entire family was there and almost immediately at 6 people began arriving. **

**The first people, Molly, Eric, and Laura. Molly was the first and silently kissed Sophia, Paige, Hayley, Jake, and Kels on the cheek before hugging them, Eric and Laura doing the same.**

**"Meredith," Molly breathed as she hugged her. "I am so sorry for your loss."**

**"Thanks for coming," Meredith said back holding back her tears. They would come later but Meredith couldn't start out the long night with them. Soon there was a long line stretching from the front to the back of the room.**

**"Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd," Lyss's teacher Miss Klicka said. "Alyssa will be deeply missed and I am so sorry."**

**"Thank you so much for coming, Lyss always spoke highly of you," Derek said. Miss Klicka only smiled slightly and bent down on the pew. Lyss's dance teachers also came along with several people from her company classes. It was then time for Lyss's friends, all in one group. Meredith made sure she hugged each of them and before she left talked to them.**

**"Even though Lyss is gone..." Meredith began. "It doesn't mean you still can't visit, okay? I can't lose every part and I will miss you guys too much, you were so important in Lyss's life and are still important. So every once in a while, if you are over Ali's or something, just stop by our house okay?"**

**"Of course Mrs. Shepherd," Hannah answered for all of them. Meredith nodded and looked at their parents who were behind them.**

**"Meredith, Derek," Becca's mom began. "We are all so sorry."**

**"If there is anything we can do, we are here," Hannah's dad told them.**

**"You all being here is all we really need. Thank you so much," Derek said grabbing Mere's hand.**

**"We'll all miss Lyss," Brittany's mother said. Meredith gave them a small smile. **

**"The girls' invitation is extended to you... even though... my daughter isn't alive to be friends with yours... I still want to stay friends with all of you," Mere said.**

**"Of course Meredith," Ava's father nodded. Ava's mother looked at the large picture of Lyss and all the girls.**

**"That's when you took them to L.A?" she asked.**

**"Yeah," Derek said. The girls were all on their stomach's smiling at the camera. It was for Lyss's 13th birthday party. Addie and Kevin were visiting Kevin's parents that weekend so they stayed at her house for a weekend. **

**"If you guys ever need anything, call," Nikki's mother said. She was more then willing to repay them after all they did for Nikki when she felt she couldn't be there for her daughter. **

**"Of course," Meredith whispered. They continued on to stand behind their children who were staring at Lyss's coffin wordlessly, except Melissa's mother Teresa.**

**"Meredith, Derek," she said. "I don't know if you want this..." She held up a disk. "But I know you two were unable to make it to Lyss's last recital so I made a copy. I had been meaning to give it to you but everything has been so..." She broke off. "All of her dances are taped. Even her two solo's."**

**"Thank you," Meredith whispered and looked down at the tape the tears finally coming to her eyes. Teresa moved on and when Meredith looked back up she gasped. She wasn't sure if she was angry or sort of happy. The man in front of her was Thatcher.**

**"Hello Meredith," he murmured awkwardly. "I... I know you probably don't want me here so I could leave if you want but... No one told me and I saw the obituary and for some reason I began sobbing. I don't think I stopped for a couple days." Meredith just stared at him unsure. "Anyway, I don't know why... why I cried or even why I am here. I know very well I am not welcome but... This, this makes me regret what I did to you. And I know it doesn't make a difference now but I lost a granddaughter that I just found out I had. I got tested to see if I was a match for her bone marrow too and it made me hopeful until Lexie didn't call me back meaning I wasn't."**

**"I guess what I am trying to say is... is this, right here, makes me wish that I fought for you. Wish that I didn't leave you. Wish there was a drawer full of unopened birthday and holiday cards. Wish I could have gotten to know my granddaughter before she died. I am not trying to make an excuse I am just trying to say sorry. Sorry for your loss and sorry for being the world worst father on so many levels. Plus, I have sobered up. So... goodbye Meredith... Derek." He nodded at both of them who stood there shocked, turned away, and began walking until Meredith grabbed his arms.**

**"Thank you," she whispered not meeting his eye. "Thank you. I am not saying I forgive you just... thanks. I wish Lyss had gotten to know the man five year old Meredith remembers as her father." She looked up and met his eyes. "You... you don't have to leave if you don't want to."**

**"Thank you Meri," Thatcher said not thinking. Meredith gasped.**

**"No... no one has called me that for... for a while," Meredith whispered.**

**"I always called you Meri, and you will always be Meri to me, even if you don't think that way, even if I made the biggest mistake I probably made in my whole life," Thatcher said. Meredith started sobbing and reached out for Thatcher and hugged him tightly.**

**"Thank you," she repeated before letting go and grabbing grabbing Derek and crying into his chest. Thatcher walked away and the line continued to thin out. After a few people the L.A. friends were up, traveling as a tight group.**

**"Hello," Violet sad awkwardly. Meredith smiled weakly.**

**"Hey," she whispered.**

**"Hey," Derek echoed.**

**"We are just... just so sorry," Pete said.**

**"How are you all holding up?" Cooper asked.**

**"One day at a time, that's all we really can do," Derek answered.**

**"We're all here for you," Sam said. "Even if we live in L.A."**

**"Thanks," Meredith murmured leaning into Derek.**

**Once everyone was able to see Meredith and Derek all consisting of friends and family who came later Meredith and Derek walked into the small sitting room where the collages were and the slideshow was playing. Her kids were sitting there too.**

**"I remember when that picture was taken," Hayley said out of the blue causing Meredith and Derek to turn to the slideshow. It was a picture of Lyss in the cabin that was on Derek's land. She was about 11. **

**"Yeah, it was on one of our annual summer weekends out there," Paige murmured.**

**"We were so happy back then," Jake sighed. Meredith and Derek didn't say anything, just stood next to the several people who were also watching.**

**"Meredith," Addie said from behind them. "Derek." They turned around.**

**"Hey," Meredith sighed.**

**"Kevin and I have some news," Addison said. **

**"What?" Derek asked.**

**"How would you like to have a police escort for the procession?" Kevin asked.**

**"That would be just... wonderful," Meredith told them. "But how, you..."**

**"This is the second part of the news," Addie said. They looked at them questionably.**

**"I'm switching precincts," Kevin announced. "To Seattle." Derek, Meredith, and the kids gasped. "Addie wanted to be closer."**

**"And I was able to get my job back at Seattle Grace, I just couldn't stay away from my family anymore," Addison explained.**

**"But what about L.A. and Sam, Naomi, Violet..." Meredith stuttered.**

**"They all know and they understand," Addie told them.**

**"That is great Ads," Derek said hugging her. Meredith smiled and hugged Addison as well. She was just happy for some news that could at least temporarily distract her from the fact that she is at her daughter's viewing.**

**A/N: So this leaves 1 chapter left! Okay so I finally did the math and there will be 85 chapters total in the story. But there will also be a sequel :)**

**The prayer on the back of Lyss's prayer card was the same one that was on the back of my Uncle Johnny's prayer card. I started crying just writing it as I remembered how perfect the words were for him. Last chapter is the funeral and afterwards. This is the second to last chapter!**

**Remember, reviews are appreciated, make me very very happy, and it gives me an incentive to update even sooner then I would have anyway :)**

**PLEASE R&R!**

**(P.S. I will update all of my other stories soon, I just want to get this one finished. It's practically killing me ha!)**


	85. Chapter 85: We'll Be Okay

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it...... If I did, I wouldn't have a disclaimer.... or would I ;)**

**This is it. This is the last chapter of Stuck in the Middle. I can't believe it has gone this far. In the beginning, I was planning on Lyss living and eventually becoming a surgical intern at Seattle Grace. Obviously the plans changed but I believe this story changed for the better. I would like to thank all of my loyal reader throughout the past through months. I know there have been a few chapters that weren't the best but I pulled through because of all of you. So I hope you enjoy the final chapter of Stuck in the Middle.......**

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**"Mere..... Mere..... Mere!" Meredith heard Derek call from outside of the church.**

**"Huh," she said incoherently turning around.**

**"You ready to go in?" he asked holding out his hand in front of the steps.**

**"Yeah," she breathed. "Just give me one more minute... okay?" Derek gave her a slight smile as he watched the people from the funeral home lifted the casket out of the hearse. No one in the Shepherd family was looking forward to riding in it at all today. Eventually Meredith took his hand and put her other arm around Hayley who was next to her.**

**In the front of the church the casket was surrounded by all of the flowers and more that were brought by the funeral home. It was open. But this time Meredith and Derek were allowing it to be like that. The Shepherd's gathered at the back of the church and stared at it. It was Meredith who walked forward first and looked down in the casket.**

**As small smile fell upon her lips when she saw her daughter's body. She was beautiful. Her bridesmaid dress was put on her while there was still make-up on her face from Addie at the wedding. Her wig was neatly placed on her head and smoothed out perfectly. Her hands were folded perfectly on her stomach and you could see the purple nail polish still painted on them as well. Her 'A' necklace sparkled on her neck at the place where it belonged forever.**

**Meredith felt a hand touch her back lightly.**

**"She looks beautiful doesn't she," Meredith whispered.**

**"Yeah," Derek agreed wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder.**

**"It kind of looks like she is sleeping, if.... if I didn't know any better," Meredith murmured as her hand walked to Lyss's cheek and stroked it gently.**

**"Mere," Derek breathed.**

**"Hey Lyss," Meredith began speaking again. "You look so beautiful baby, I love you very much. I.... I wish you were still here but we all know you had to go."**

**"Mere," Derek said gently. "People.... people are beginning to arrive. Who.... who are we going to ask to be pallbearers?" Meredith turned around slightly to face him. Immediately derek saw the tears running down her face. It didn't seem right that they needed pallbearers. It didn't seem right that they were at the church at all.**

**"I... I thought we could ask um.... Mark, and Alex, and George, and Owen, and Richard. Do we need more?" she whispered.**

**"That sounds good Mere," Derek said kissing her forehead gently and turned to walk towards the back of the church where several of their friends were gathered. Sophia, Kelsey, and Jake approached the coffin while Hayley and Paige hung back a little further off.**

**"Mommy," Sophia whispered looking down at Lyss. "She.... she looks peaceful."**

**"She is at peace now Soph," Meredith told her stroking her curly hair. She hadn't bothered to straighten it. "She's not in pain anymore."**

**"Why did she have to get cancer?" Hayley asked walking up beside Kels with Paige behind her.**

**"I don't know," Meredith whispered. **

**"I'm gonna miss her," Kels murmured.**

**"We all will, and Lyss knows that, but we still have each other," Mere reassured.**

**"Where is Noah?" Jake asked. Their little brother had been absent all week. Sophia was the only one who saw him.**

**"He is at his friends house but will be at the hall and back at the house later," Meredith explained. Everyone nodded and all moved to the side of the casket as those who were unable to make it to the viewing last night began to arrive. It was filled with the same things. Hugs, kisses, tears, and 'I'm sorry's.' This time more of Lyss's teachers began showing, even some from Elementary School like Mrs. Reed her first grade teacher. Some of Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah's teachers arrived along with their friends. The people who surprised her most were Chase's parents, Caroline and Ben.**

**"Caroline," Meredith stuttered. She was appalled by her appearance. Probably as bad as hers at the moment but what she remembered Caroline was always a much brighter person than her. Her blond hair was graying, obviously not dying it anymore, there were circles under her eyes as well.**

**"Hello Meredith," she said. "I am..... we are devastated by your loss."**

**"Chase really loved Lyss," Ben said.**

**"I... I know," Meredith whispered hugging them both. "How are you holding up?"**

**"How are you two holding up?" Caroline countered.**

**"One day at a time," Derek answered.**

**"One day at a time," Ben nodded agreeingly.**

**"We never really got to say how sorry we were," Meredith said. "I was too busy calming Lyss down. She blacked out."**

**"We were in shock I think," Caroline murmured. "I guess you guys don't know what it's like. I heard Lyss.... you know died..."**

**"In our arms," Derek whispered.**

**"We are so sorry," Ben said.**

**"We should, you know, keep in touch," Meredith said.**

**"Definitely," Caroline nodded and looked in Meredith's eyes. The two woman stared at each other for a moment until Meredith began sobbing. Derek stepped in quickly and led her to the pew and waited for the ceremony to start.**

**The family sat in the front row, Lyss easily seen. Directly behind them Izzie, Alex, Cristina, Owen, George, and Lexie sat. Then Mark, Nate, Addie, Kevin were behind them. Lyss's friends were next as their parents sat behind them too. Across the aisle the Shepherd family sat, the parents and Lily in the front rows while the rest of the cousins, minus Joey who was with Noah were a few pews back. Everyone else sat in the many pews after.**

**The priest began to speak about dying young but not many people listened to the words. Their eyes were on Lyss, even Meredith and Derek who had stopped crying and were facing the front of the church with solemn faces. Izzie stood up and read a poem Lyss wrote about her family when she was 9, and Ali along with a few girls from choir and from drama sang 'On Eagle's Wings.' Ali wasn't able to make it through the song though.**

**(A/N: This was also a song used at my Uncle's funeral. Never in my life have I cried so hard except when I found out my Poppop died when I was 7.)**

**_You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,  
Who abide in His shadow for life,  
Say to the Lord, "My Refuge,  
My Rock in Whom I trust."_**

**_And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,  
Bear you on the breath of dawn,  
Make you to shine like the sun,  
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.  
_**

**_The snare of the fowler will never capture you,  
And famine will bring you no fear;  
Under His Wings your refuge,  
His faithfulness your shield._**

**_And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,  
Bear you on the breath of dawn,  
Make you to shine like the sun,  
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.  
_**

**_You need not fear the terror of the night,  
Nor the arrow that flies by day,  
Though thousands fall about you,  
Near you it shall not come._**

**_And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,  
Bear you on the breath of dawn,  
Make you to shine like the sun,  
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.  
_**

**_For to His angels He's given a command,  
To guard you in all of your ways,  
Upon their hands they will bear you up,  
Lest you dash your foot against a stone._**

**_And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,  
Bear you on the breath of dawn,  
Make you to shine like the sun,  
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.  
And hold you in the palm of His Hand._ **

**At this point it was almost impossible for anyone to not cry. In fact, Meredith began gasping for breath and looked towards the front of the church at the casket.**

**"Mere," Derek whispered in her ear. **

**"Lyss... my..... I.... can't," Meredith stuttered. Izzie, Alex, George, and Cristina leaned forward.**

**"Meredith," Izzie said through her own tears. "You have to breath."**

**"I can't," Meredith gasped.**

**"You have to baby," Derek murmured in her ear. "Slow, deep breaths." Derek began rubbing her back gently while Izzie and Cristina had a firm grip on her shoulder's comfortingly. They were all experts at calming Meredith down at that point.**

**"You okay now?" Alex asked after a few minutes had gone by of the priest speaking more. Meredith nodded and leaned her head on Derek's chest. Her arms were wrapped around both Kelsey and Jake whom she pulled close. It was then time for the hardest part. The eulogy.**

**Mark stood up slowly and walked to the side of Lyss's casket, right next to the blown up picture. For a few seconds Mark stared down at Lyss but when he looked up, found the courage to begin after clearing his throat several times and wiping away stray tears. He had memorized it all after practicing with Addie and Nate all week.**

**"Alyssa," Mark began. ".... Lyss was an extraordinary young girl. There isn't a time in her life that I can't remember her smiling or laughing or just having fun. She was a dancer, an actress, a singer, and a field hockey player, all of which she was excellent at. Lyss was excellent at everything she did and never ceased to amaze me, or the rest of her family. But of course, if Lyss was here right now, she would say everyone was amazing or something off the sort, because..... well because that was the kind of person Lyss was. Always thinking the best of everyone."**

**"On January 21, 2011, Lyss certainly made an entrance into the world. I mean, she was one and a half months early," Mark said chuckling a little. "Even back then she amazed us all. One and a half months early and she was breathing on her own, fully developed. Fighting from day one. Lyss's entire life was about fighting to be the best, and do the best she could. And Lyss always did that. I should know.... she was..... is my goddaughter. Lyss was like a daughter to me. Not only me, but her infertile godmother Addison." He saw Addison's eyes narrow through her own tears.**

**"But Lyss was a real daughter to Meredith and Derek, sister to Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah. Niece to.... well to so many people I really don't feel like naming along with cousin and friend. Every day of Lyss's life made everyone who knew her so proud..... There were so many landmarks and milestones in her life. One..... she was 6 and had appendicitis. I always knew Lyss was loud, but never in my life have I heard her wail so loud." Several people laughed. "I mean I only came over to watch everyone else and she was already crying. After the fact I learned she held on to Meredith for dear life."**

**"Another was when Lyss was 8, at Thanksgiving. The little drama queen that she was Lyss ran away to the park. We searched for hours and hours, probably covering miles until we found her bleeding in the woods. She always knew how to draw attention to herself. Which again brings me to another milestone.... breaking her arm. Lyss was always getting hurt but on only one occasion did it leave her hospitalized. She definitely did a number on her arm between the fact that she almost shattered it and that she was hit by a field hockey ball, a stick, and fell on it."**

**"But the biggest was certainly from this past year. When Lyss was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia is was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. We didn't know what to except. Me, her parents, and her whole family. We were all doctors, but never did we experienced cancer first hand. But Lyss was a fighter. She never liked to show her vulnerability. That why she loathed when her hair fell out. You should have seen her roar on and on about it."**

**"I think it was because it was like her mothers. The Shepherd family went through some tough times before the diagnosis but nothing compared to what happened next. After her MOC party, and for all of you who don't know Izzie it was her name for Lyss's first month of chemo party." Everyone but Izzie, who narrowed her eyes at Mark, laughed. "Lyss was put into isolation for the first time and many times after that. She stuck through Thanksgiving but everything took a turn for the worst. A tumor was discovered on Lyss's brain and after it was removed she had to spend Christmas in the hospital. But of course that brings on a lot of good memories."**

**"Boy Lyss was cranky, you could call her a Scrooge. Everything we did got her angry but everyone knew she secretly loved it. She was just upset, we all were. I don't think I have ever tortured her that bad although that was probably one of my favorite things to do. But after presents Lyss was in a pretty good mood the next morning. Of course, that was probably from the fact that she got tickets to see the Rent tour with the original broadway cast."**

**"Despite all the happy Lyss's body was saying another thing. That the treatment wasn't working. Her cancer was then found to be chemo resistant. That started her with the induction chemo on her birthday. After a childhood cancer support group Lyss met Chase. he was in the room next to hers. The two immediately became an item and he helped her come through the rounds of intense chemo and the car crash that devastated the family as well." He looked at Chase's parents as well as Meredith and Derek who were turning to look at them briefly. **

**"Their happiness ended on Valentines Day when Chase died unexpectedly and Lyss was devastated. It was right at the time of her second induction round. She fell into a depression but with the help of her family and Dr. Hoffman, she gained the strength, but obviously not enough strength to fight the cancer no matter how strong she was. When Lyss learned she did not gain remission almost two weeks later she began begging to give up and live her life and that's when everyone knew. Me, her parents, her siblings, her family, knew that she was not getting better." Mark blinked rapidly as a few tears ran down his face.**

**"Lyss was brought home from the hospital and was doing good. Going to school, hanging with friends and her brothers and sisters. That was until her blood infection that placed her in isolation came back. And after that Lyss didn't really come back. Lyss was pale, weak, and ghost like from that point on until now. Yet she made it to Addie's wedding and danced with all her uncle's and her father............ And.. and that was the last time anyone spoke with Lyss....... she fell into a coma that night."**

**"Her family rushed to her side but they all knew it was time. With..... with one last goodbye her parents decided to bring her home and take her off life support." Mark's voice was getting smaller and quieter. "Lyss died in their arms at 3:52 on March 16, 2025 being only 14 years old. But Lyss was finally at peace after fighting for so long."**

**"So yeah, Lyss had cancer. It's so ironic because Lyss was healthy. She was in shape, only had one mishap with the appendix and maybe had one cold a year." Mark was slowly losing his composure. "I can't remember a time when Lyss wasn't there for any of her family. Not smiling, not laughing, not strong. Except......"**

**"So everyone here today......" Mark said hoarsely. "Remember Lyss as that girl." He pointed to the picture next to him. "Not that girl in the casket. Because although both look like they are the same girl, we all know that the girl in the casket isn't Lyss. It couldn't be. She was loved too much, and inspired us all too much to only be there. She is in our hearts and in heaven now, where she belongs."**

**"What I am trying to say is....... is......... is that we will miss you Lyss. And we....... we love you very..... very much." The last words were sputtered out through sobs. They wracked Mark's body as he stumbled down the altar. He was intercepted though, by Meredith, who was also sobbing. She wrapped his arms around Mark tightly and squeezed.**

**"Thank you Mark," she whispered in his ear as she let go. Meredith turned around tearfully and saw the entire Church crying. They were all crying for Lyss and Meredith briefly wondered if she would ever be able to stop.**

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**There was never a more longer car ride for the Shepherd family than the one in the hearse. It was silent except for the sirens that were blaring ahead of them. None of them talked, just watched the scenery go by. They drove by the dance school, Lyss's school, field hockey field, their house, and finally, on the way to the cemetery the hospital. Everything fit so perfectly.**

**The cars that they were passing by stopped. They didn't know who it was for but they knew it had to be for someone special and loved for the fact that the line was so long. More than fifty cars were behind them. It was raining already, the perfect weather for a day like today. It was supposed to stop later but no one really cared.**

**Everyone filed out of the cars when they arrived. Meredith said nothing and just stood still to the side staring at the freshly dug earth that she would be laying her daughter in forever. She didn't even move as Owen, George, Richard, Alex, and Mark shuffled past her and picked up the casket. Only when they began moving towards the grave did Meredith start moving as well, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, and Jake close behind.**

**The people from the funeral home began handing out roses to everyone who came. When they handed one to Meredith she only looked down at it and began twirling it in her hands. She didn't know how much time passed until she felt Sophia touch her arm gently. Meredith looked up and noticed the casket in it's place, ready to be lowered. She forced her legs to move towards it and stand next to Derek.**

**"It is now time to say goodbye to Alyssa," someone said but Meredith didn't know who. "Her family will go first...." Meredith stepped forward like a zombie making no indication she heard anyone around her. She watched as Hayley, Paige, Sophia, Jake, and Kelsey placed their roses on the casket and murmur their sorrow-filled goodbyes. When it came to Derek she could barely hear his.**

**"I love you baby," Derek whispered. "Be a good girl. I'll miss you....." It was her turn. Meredith placed the rose gently on the casket and ran her fingers over it gently. This was too hard.**

**"Lyss," Meredith whispered. "You may be one of seven..... but you were never stuck in the middle. Not in my mind. It's never any excuse but I always thought you were strong enough and...... I know it doesn't matter any more but...... I wish I could take everything back, just to save this moment from happening because... because I'll miss you so much." She began sobbing. "I love you!" Meredith laid both hands on the coffin, stumbled a little, and sobbed into her chest until Derek pulled her away and into his arms.**

**She had no clue how long she was sobbing in his arms. She lost track of time. But she could hear everyone else's final goodbyes.**

**"I love you," she heard Mark murmur.**

**"You're amazing Lyss, I'll miss you," she heard Izzie whisper.**

**"Nothing will ever be the same without you," she heard Becca cry. Before she knew it Meredith was watching the coffin get lowered into ground and a few people were walking away. She felt Derek's arms release her and that's when she snapped.**

**"NO!" Mere screamed. "NO! NO! NO! LYSS! LYSS! MY BABY! COME BACK! NO!" **

**"Mere," Lexie sighed as both her and Cristina reached out for her. But Meredith didn't hear nor respond. Her legs gave out and she collapsed into a sobbing heap on the damp ground. Meanwhile Derek backed up from the site and sobbed into his hands. The Shepherd children just froze, their eyes moving back a forth between their mother, their father, and their sister being lowered into the ground.**

**Immediately Lexie, Cristina, Addison, and Izzie rushed forward towards Meredith while Owen, George, Mark, and Alex went to Derek. The Shepherd's went to the Shepherd children.**

**"It's okay Mere," Addison murmured.**

**"Just let it out," Izzie whispered rubbing her back.**

**"It.... hurts," Meredith gasped between her own sobs.**

**"It's not forever Mere," Cristina told her gently.**

**"I know...... but.... but it's not fair," Meredith wailed. No one commented before everyone has been saying that all week. It really wasn't fair. Soon they left and arrived at the banquet hall Meredith wasn't sure how she got there. She was too busy crying uncontrollably. It was really beautiful inside and out. It was near a lake and a forest in the back with tons of long trails. It reminded them of Derek's land where their cabin was located. Inside all of the collages and pictures of Lyss were transfered yet again while several tables were set up also.**

**Meredith sat in her chair silent tears running down her face as she stared at the empty plate in front of her. Several people already began to go into the food line. Meredith didn't really feel like it. She didn't really feel like doing anything. All of a sudden she saw Noah and Joey enter the room followed by Liz. She hadn't seen him since he said goodbye to Lyss. Immediately Noah saw her.**

**"MOMMY!" he squealed and ran towards her. Meredith's face lit up slightly and put on a happy face for him as he hugged her legs. "I missed you."**

**"I missed you too buddy," she said ruffling his hair. Noah made a face a slapped her hand away playfully. **

**"Why wasn't I with you?" he asked. Meredith opened her mouth to answer when Elizabeth intercepted.**

**"Hey Noah, wanna go get some food?" Liz asked from behind him Joey attached to her arm.**

**"Yes!" he squealed and followed her. Derek twined his hand with Mere's.**

**"Hey," he whispered.**

**"Hey," Meredith whispered back.**

**"You okay?"**

**"I will be." They probably have said those five words maybe ten or more times that past week. Like everything else that happened, it fit perfectly.**

**"It stopped raining Mere," Derek murmured. "I thought maybe we could take a walk for a little."**

**"I'd like that," Mere breathed and allowed Derek to guide her up the steps and out the door. For the first few minutes they walked in silence. Hand in hand. Together. It was then when Meredith began to speak.**

**"Remember last Thanksgiving," Meredith whispered. "How happy Lyss was. How hard she was trying."**

**"Yeah," Derek murmured.**

**"Why..... why can't we just go back to that?" Meredith asked as though she wasn't even talking to Derek. He only slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "And two summers ago.... the last time we went to the cabin."**

**"That was the most fun we ever had there," Derek agreed.**

**"We had the camp fire and.... I forget how many things we did. Just that we had so much fun," Meredith said. "But the one thing we didn't do was fish or actually camp you know.... in the woods, not the cabin." Derek's throat tightened and his body stiffened.**

**_"I..... I never got to do anything," Lyss sobbed. "We never went camping like you promised. We never went fishing again after the accident. I am missing so much. I will never go to high school, I will never learn to drive, I will never have a real boyfriend, I will never go to prom, or graduate, or go to college, become a surgeon, get married...... I'll never see Noah grow up and I will never see you and Mommy again until you guys are with me agai__n._****_"_ **

**"What?" Meredith asked pausing briefly to look up at him.**

**"Lyss missed so many things," Derek sighed. Meredith leaned her head on his shoulder.**

**"I wish she could have grown up. Gone to high school, college, become an intern, have a husband and kids some day, all her dreams and more. But she can't......" Meredith whispered. "But she's happy now."**

**"She's happy now." Again Meredith seemed to lose track of time. She had been doing that a lot these days because all of a sudden she was back in the hall sitting in her seat. Tears were running down her face quicker than her usual silent cry. Derek was with his family while Cristina, Izzie, Lexie, and Addie were around Mere. Noah was running around playing with Joey when he spotted Meredith and came running over and onto her lap. He looked into her eyes and saw the tears/.**

**"Mommy, you crying?" he asked. "You sad?"**

**"Yeah buddy," Meredith whispered. "Mommy's sad."**

**"Why?" Noah whimpered tilting his head.**

**"I'm just missing Lyss," Meredith answered.**

**"Don't be sad Mommy," Noah said. "Lyssa isn't gone forever. She'll always be with us. She promised. In here......" Noah pointed to Meredith's heart. "And here." He pointed to her head and leaned his head on her chest.**

**"Yeah Noah," Meredith murmured and let her tears fall into her messy blond hair.**

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**They had bypassed deserts. Izzie had taken that into her hands hiring both a caterer to bring food to the house and baking several things herself. She wanted things to be perfect for Lyss. In order to do that she left earlier with Cristina and Alex to set up because they invited everyone from the funeral back and most said they would come.**

**When they entered the house everything was silent as they began carrying in all of the collages and photos. They were shocked at how many photos of Lyss were already up.**

**"Why are they torturing themselves?" Cristina asked. That's when she noticed the slideshow still playing on the DVD player and the food still laid out on the coffee table. "Did they watch this all night?"**

**"They are grieving," Alex answered simply and grabbed a handful of the leftovers and fast food off the table and into the trash as Izzie was readying the kitchen. Cristina followed but answered the door as the doorbell rang.**

**"Sarah's bakery delivering for Shepherd," a woman said.**

**"Um yeah," Cristina mumbled and led them to the kitchen to set up. of course in izzie's eyes everything was wrong so she kicked them out quickly. Within a span of twenty minutes the house was ready as soon as Meredith and Derek arrived with their children close behind. Meredith only silently walked upstairs leaving Derek to answer Cristina, Alex, and Izzie's questioning faces.**

**"She's gonna rest for a little," he murmured and sat at the kitchen island while everyone else sat in the living room. By the time an hour passed everyone who was gonna show was there. The Shepherd house was packed with the only thing playing on the TV being picture's of Lyss. Mark walked into the kitchen where Izzie was with Derek.**

**"There is enough food to feed an army in here," he joked. Izzie glared at him.**

**"That's what you do when your grieving," she replied biting into a carrot. "You eat...... plus, I am still mad at you for the bit about my MOC party." Mark chuckled and looked at Derek.**

**"Where's the wife buddy?" he asked sympathetically.**

**"Resting. I think I will send Cristina to get her," Derek answered. **

**"No, I will," Mark volunteered and made his way up the stairs and to the master bedroom. There he found Mere laying across the bed a picture of Lyss clutched to her chest.**

**"How's my favorite dirty mistress?" he asked trying to keep the mood somewhat light although it was really impossible. Meredith didn't look amused and Mark sighed. "Why don't you come downstairs Mere."**

**"How am I just supposed to live?" she asked quietly. "How am I supposed to live if my daughter is dead?"**

**"I don't know," he sighed. "I think you just do because you can't do anything else."**

**"Yeah," Meredith whispered as Mark held out his hand for her to help her up. "I guess your right." Slowly she took it gently and Mark pulled her up before putting his arm around her waist to help her down the stairs. Derek was waiting for her.**

**"Hey," he said with a slight smile. **

**"Hey," she whispered walking past him to see to her guests. Meredith didn't really talk to anyone, just sat on the couch picking at food every once in a while. Like Mark said, they just had to live. After a while everyone began getting tired of watching the slideshow so they volunteered to put a home video and it was Teresa who had the idea of the last recital. Everyone agreed and most gathered around the TV but as it began Meredith couldn't finish.**

**The song 'Instant Replay' began to play and they watched silently, Lyss in the front. Sobs came from the couch almost as soon as it began though. Only Meredith and Derek knew the real reason for the anguished expression that was shown on her face. They were not there, that is why. **

**"I... I can't," Meredith gasped all of a sudden and stood up on shaky legs. Derek was right behind her as her legs gave out and scooped her up and took her to the front porch. "I can't do this Der. I can't live without Lyss. I just can't."**

**"I know," Derek whispered.**

**"It's so unfair," Meredith wailed the same expression she had been using for a long time, since the beginning of her diagnosis.**

**"It's okay," Derek whispered in her ear as he cradled her close and rocked her back at forth. Their bodies molding together as one in grief for their daughter. "We'll be okay."**

**THE END**

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**A/N: That's it. It's over. This is the end of Stuck in the Middle. But of course it is only the beginning for the Shepherd family. Keep a look out for the sequel...... I am not quite sure what the name with be so just put me on your author alert :)**

**For the last time.......... PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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